Puro Lotion: There's A New Anti-Skid In Town
I recently was able to review a new personal hygiene product that is not only available on the web, but is now entered on the website Get On The Shelf in the hopes that it will be made available at Wal-Mart. The product, Puro Lotion, was sent to me by Puro’s Director of Business Development, Brent Douglas.
”You will like this product better than other lotion-type product you’ve reviewed before,” he told me in an email after being thoughtful enough to send me a few bottles. He told me the makers of Puro considered the product size and ingredient list of their competitors and believe they have improved on them. This is good news for Poopreporters for two reasons: (1) That Puro has competitors means the personal hygiene product market is growing, and (2) competition results in better products at better prices. I reviewed a personal hygiene product (butt-cleaning lotion) for the first time in 2008. Since then the time in between my personal hygiene product reviews has decreased in an almost exponential fashion. We are finally entering the era that our brave and fearless founder Dave wanted to see as a reality – one in which entrepreneurs, retail producers, and the general public realize that toilet paper is not the best defense against poopy butt and stank ass, and that it does not make someone a fruity-ass to either produce or demand a better cleaning product for the bathroom. The age of the Shameless Shitter is approaching.
We have seen different approaches to personal (and portable) bathroom hygiene over the years. We’ve reviews foams, sprays, wipes, and lotions. Puro is obviously a lotion. It is thicker than other lotions I’ve reviewed, and the ingredients are geared toward hygiene, maintaining the proper ph balance of skin, and soothing irritated skin. You may investigate the ingredients on the Puro website's Ingredients page for yourself if you would like. Some of the ingredients that caught my eye were cucumber fruit extract, shea butter (which is awesome), aloe vera, chamomile, safflower oil, and comfrey herb. Of course, there are stabilizers and other chemicals in Puro, but they are all listed, and their purposes are described. I like disclosure, don’t you?
Puro has been designed for both home and travel use. It comes in two sizes: a 2.5-ounce travel bottle and an eight-ounce home size. Since the both sizes have caps that can be removed, one can buy the larger size and refill the smaller, the latter of which can fit into a purse or pocket.
So how did I feel about its performance and packaging, you ask? Puro has some nice qualities. My favorite thing about Puro Lotion is probably the most important: It does do the job it is professed to do. By now there is a method to my product-reviewing madness; I put any hygienic cleansing product we are asked to review through a series of tests that involve different locations and different Shituations (public restroom pooping, hangover poop, period poop, etc.). In all of these conditions Puro did its job, which was to remove any debris that toilet paper could not remove and to leave my skin non-irritated. Even when I used the sad, single-ply excuse for toilet paper that we Poopreporters abhor being reduced to using in the restrooms of most retail stores and gas stations, I was able to successfully complete Operation Brown without any skid marks showing up on my butt floss hours later. I used the same cleanup procedure whether I was at home or roaming my beloved Pacific Northwest, which was completing an initial clean-up with what toilet paper was available, and then squirting a dime to nickel-sized glob of Puro onto a clean section of toilet paper and repeating the wiping procedure. If the clean-up was, um, catastrophic, I repeated the Puro application. (Yes, this means you, morning-after red wine shits.)
This time around I went a bit further with the review process. Since the Puro website states that Puro is an excellent product for hospital-related use, I decided to see how well it worked as a substitute for actual bathing. “Let’s get skunky!” I declared, and did not take a shower for five or six days. I did, though, use Puro in both the front and back twice daily. The end results? I could have smelled much, much worse.
Including both the regular reviewing process use and what I called The Great American Stink-Out, I took notes of my likes and dislikes regarding Puro Lotion. These points address both able-bodied and hospital-related use:
What I liked:
While Puro has no real smell, it manages to keep my own smell reasonably at bay. It did this without leaving me feeling greased up, as well.
It is competitively economical. If I had to buy the lotion, then I would have been able to purchase it at a lower price than other lotions like it on the market, because the home size is so large and the travel size is refillable.
It can be mistaken for body lotion. This is actually a plus for our shameful shitters. The travel size resembles a small bottle of hand or body lotion. So if you would be embarrassed by someone’s discovering that you have butt lotion in your possession, this product would be one you could carry with you discreetly.
Puro comes with a cap that operates by pressing down on one side of it so that a hole appears on the other side, just like many shampoos or lotions that you already have in your house. This is a very good idea, especially for the travel size. Why? Because you cannot drop the cap onto the cucky-gross floor of a public restroom, where it may roll behind the foundation of the germ-laden porcelain throne on which you sit. You will not have to decide between having a cap-less – and now useless – travel-sized bottle or picking something up off the dirty bathroom floor and washing it in the sink. Nor will it not roll under the stall partition, leaving you to resort to Carl-Roving to retrieve it (cross-stall conversation).
What I would like to see the Puro people consider for the future:
A little fragrance might be nice. Many people have skin irritation allergies and require hypoallergenic products, a fact that the makers of Puro must have considered when choosing to leave Puro unscented; however, I am not one of them. I wouldn’t mind a bit of spring freshness highlighting my hoo-hoo, and there are products that we’ve reviewed that were scented with fragrances appropriate for both men and women. Maybe Puro could consider developing different scents. I know that one of the points the Puro people mention is that their product is used in hospitals, so I understand their push toward hypoallergenics, but I think it would be neat if the company branched out later down the line.
The product’s viscosity carries a double-edged sword consequence with it. Its consistency is stated to aid in the removal of fecal material from the skin, and I noticed that it prevents the toilet paper from becoming too wet – and thus tearing. These are two strong selling points. On the other hand, its consistency also forced me to resort to Heinz Ketchup Calisthenics in order to get the product out when the bottle was no longer relatively full. I found myself in the Wal-Mart bathroom last month with a half-full travel-sized bottle of Puro. I have since taken to storing it upside-down in my purse to avoid the predicament I found myself in at that moment: The bottle had righted itself somehow and the product was settled at the bottom. I ended up having to smack the bottle against my leg a few times before any Puro Lotion could be squeezed out. I think it might be a good idea for the Puro people to investigate squeezable containers, considering the consistency of the product.
The travel size is not as easy to conceal as other personal hygiene products' travel sizes. Puro's travel-sized container’s cap is almost the same size as the home-sized container’s cap. While the cap is awesome because it’s impossible to drop, it is so wide that it is not easily concealed by men wearing casual clothes such as a tee-shirt and jeans, or by a woman not carrying a purse; the product is going to be noticeable. Unless a man is wearing a loose flannel shirt, jacket, or pair of cargo pants, or the dreaded Man Purse, he will not be able to totally conceal the product, and as previously mentioned, this is definitely a factor that plays into the mind of our beleaguered shameful shitters. Might the Puro people find a smaller version of the home-sized cap, thus allowing for the travel size to be flatter in design?
Puro Lotion represents an upgrade in both ingredients and price in the evolution of personal hygiene products. The ingredients are competitively hypoallergenic, and it can be purchased in a home use size. It has been designed by people who considered skin health, cleanliness, and effectiveness. But there is room for improvement in the packaging department. The large top may stay on the bottle, but it limits the ability a male user has to conceal that he is carrying it. There may be a better packaging option to match the product’s creamy consistency. I would also like to see one of the personal hygiene products on the market today consider using hypoallergenic fragrances. We are a diverse and fickle society of poopers; we might enjoy slathering our forbidden zones with different scents, especially if we are out on the town or on a date.
I think the travel size of Puro is worth purchasing once, and the home size of Puro is worth purchasing repeatedly for home use and refills, especially if you are someone with hypoallergenic needs or cannot bathe adequately due to any reason. The product would be a great addition to an emergency hygiene kit, such as one you might have in your car, your gym bag, or office desk. It would be a smart item to take along for a camping trip. In fact, if you know or love a United States military member who is stationed somewhere like Afghanistan, I bet that he or she would love to be sent both sizes of Puro for clean-up, both for its effectiveness and fragrance-free property. And of course, if someone cannot bathe because of medical reasons (such as surgery), Puro Lotion would facilitate that person’s ability to clean up and stay fresh.
I think Puro Lotion is best geared toward those fighting skin irritation in a gentle and therapeutic manner. My very best wishes to the people at Puro.
If you visit Puro’s Get On The shelf webpage and vote for the product, you are entered into a contest to win a fifty-dollar American Express Cash Card that will end April third. You can vote either through texting of through Facebook. You may vote as many times as you wish. Good luck!