You paid too much for them boots, lady.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Women are such idiots. $500 for that?????? My $70 boots that I have had for 20 years could be submerged in shit and would rinse right off.

Standing by for my lame comment sticker.

My suggestion would be to take the remaining boot and stick it up your ass.

I remember actually spending about 8 hours over the course of a few days reading your blog back when Dave posted your other story.

The entry from 9-11-01 and the days following were some interesting reading as was the ratings and stories about the many men you have dated.

If I find the time I may read more of your blog. I don't know why, but it interests me. The fact that you and your friends are hot chicks probably helps!!!

Good story, sorry about your boot (or in Canada we'd say sorry aboot your boot) but there is hope! A former publicist of Marla Maples has a bit of a fetish for female footware as seen here.
Now what we need to do is have you rent a limo and park it outside his place, when he leaves to go to work or whatever quickly open the door scream and say "stop him, he's got my boot" and toss the boot into the gutter". Chuck has already got a history so he will no doubt bolt and someone will probably apprehend him and if not you just 911 the police and describe him (always say he had a glazed look in his eye, cops love that). So now it's just a matter of having him raked over the coals by any third rate shyster, he'll fold like a cheap damask sideboard cover and voila, you will get a wack of money that you can replace those boots with and then get some really nice underclothes, possibly French Cut Silk Panties with a Tasty Merry Widow in a lustrous Chartreuse! Hope this helps!

Although I must say that I can think of much more inventive ways to spend $500 (a truckload of pizza and a new freezer to keep it in) my first thought was something my mother says to me all the time: "Laziness is only helpful to those on the giving end." That being said, I'm sure that next time you have a shoe/shit incident, you might consider reaching for the toothbrush first.

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Holy skid marks Batman!

According to recent polls, 2/3 of the American population want to give George Bush the boot. Maybe you could give it to him?

Put the boot on Ebay. You would be surprised at the things that people will buy.

Next time, go to a Marshalls or a TJ Maxx to buy your boots. You could have gotten the same boots for about $200 to $250.
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"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

Sorry to hear about your boot, but $500 for footwear?? Most of the cars I've owned have cost less than that. I actually have a pair of boots I've had for 32 years. They cost around $40 when new. If I stepped in shit they would only look better, but they are waterproof. Hopefully you can find some replacements that are more durable.

I wonder if anyone else will agree with me on the following point: shit seems to stink all that much more when it's on the bottom of your shoe. Is this just me? Comments, please.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

I'm disturbed that a shoe would be constructed that crappily. You'd think that 500 bucks would buy you more durability than that. Hot water? Jeez. How high do you have your water heater? Do you keep the phone number of the nearest burn unit handy?
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Pug-Fug. It happens.

Moral of this story: The stickiness of the shit varies directly with the cost of the shoes.

And the durability of expensive boots is inversely proportional to their cost.

Deja Poo, take your weak ass political hype over to the flame forum.

Gee,you people are tough on this lady.I think she might want to look for sympathy.My Grandfather used to say sympathy is in the dictionary between shit and syphilis.

"These boots were made for walking
And that's just what they'll do--
One of these days these boots are gonna
Walk all over POO!!"

Actually, they don't really look like they were made for walking. And you're right Dumpster, they did walk all over poo.

I stepped in shit once. I'm still employed there after thirty years.

I did, too. Fortunately, she left me about five years ago.

I have a pair of boots just like those! I got them on Anthropologie, though and they only cost me $120. Anyways, when that happens to me, I go walk around on the grass and scrub my shoe off there, or sometimes you can scrape most of it off on the edge of the sidewalk.
I bought a pair of $500 shoes once, they're seriously out of style now, but I just can't bring myself to throw them away. So, I feel your pain!

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Don't be playin' with the Queen of Sharts

__Next time try freezing the shit. The it will scrape off easily_____
Poopydrawers

I remember stepping in some nasty shit while in college walking around campus in my hikers. The shit would NOT come off the bottom of those boots no matter how hot the water was or how much I scrubbed it. They stunk up my dorm so much that I set them outside the back window of my room (I was on the 1st floor anyway). Wouldn't you know it... my roomate wanted to borrow them a few days later. I gladly let her since I knew how badly she scuffed her feet when she walked. I let her WEAR that shit right off! Then I threw them in the washer once she was done with them and they were free of shit. Win win shituation there!

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

I wonder if the people who made the shoes would replace them because the seams broke so easily. And I, too, would never buy a pair of shoes that cost that much. I find it excessive.

NOW, however, in defense of this well-clad woman, I have a black depression glass piece, a triple-footed bowl with silver inlay that's off-center that I paid $250.00 for. I collect black glass. I'd say the price was worth it for me because of the relevance of my interests.

There are surely people out here who have collections of things, comic books, military paraphenilia, etc., who have spent major bucks on something I'd never buy. For instance, I'd never buy anything like an expensive fishing pole or over-priced sunglasses.............but that's my right, to not fish and have to squint in the sun.

I'd really consider writing the company who made the shoes....

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Off topic I know, but Daphne what is black glass?

I posted it on Ebay.

"Write to the company about replacing the boots..."
SHE'S the stupid one who ruined them. They didn't "break easily." She left them in the sink running under scalding hot water for over 10 minutes. Of course they are going to shrink. They are leather. The same thing happens to us if we are in water too long. Our skin shrivels and wrinkles.
The company will scoff at this I am sure. Maybe Mr. Marc Jacobs needs a heads up on this one.

I'm trying not to be mean, but do you really think it was a good idea to just leave a boot that you paid $500 for under hot water?

And wow, $500 for some boots? That's a real shit load.

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Some are born crappy, some achieve crappiness, and some have crapiness thrusted upon them. (Do NOT be the last one)

I've defintely felt the need to act on things I've read online, but to get involved because a company that sells overly-priced boots needs a "heads up" and may have to replace one is a bit unecessary.

I'm not so sure the company would scoff at this complaint. The reason I said to notify the company is because many companies like Levi's will replace their products even if you've beaten them to a pulp. And, with the type of clothing that's so expensive, maybe it's worth it to the manufacturer to replace a pair of boots because of customer service. That's all I was saying. My parents have dealt with a few high end companies regarding furniture and clothing in the education of the antique business, and they not only do many types of promo work, they will most always assume the customer is right, especially at the price of 500 dollars for shoes.

On that note, I agree with you that leaving a boot under hot water for 10 minutes may not have been the smartest thing to do. BUT on THAT note, why would ten minutes of hot water ruin a 250 dollar shoe? I bet you could leave a pair of 45 dollar Nike shoes under hot water for ten minutes and they'd fair better.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

OH, black glass. It's glass that was made mainly during the depression and often near my home town. In Pittsburgh much black glass was made because the materials needed to make black glass were abundant in the soil. I have a fair ammount of Mt. Pleasant Depression glass, but the best pieces I have are the "elegant glass of the depression era" ones. Many colored glasses were made in the 20's to the 50's, the greens, jadites, cobalts, ruby reds. The black glass and black amythest was just the black and extremely deep purple versions of glass made by companies in that time.

I have a shitload of it. It's great to collect and when we are gone, the personal inheritance it will pass on to our kids years to come makes me feel like I'm passing down more than just money (or debt, if I keep this up). Family heirlooms can be wonderful things. And yeah, ebay has some nice stuff on it. Checking it out there is a good idea. Everyone likes to collect something. Unfortunately, when one collects glass, one also collects dust, which sucks.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Thanks for the info on black glass. I asked the question as anonymous because I was too damn lazy to log in.
BTW, its so appropriate for a poopreporter to have a "shitload" of anything. Very clever.

Daphne has a shitload of everything that matters: Brains, class, looks, wit, etc.

Now you know why I hang out here so much--people like her.

Nice shoes.

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Sharp Shitter-Signing off

I doubt if I`ve spent $500 in the last 15 years on footwear. I never buy boots or shoes that can`t be hosed down when covered in shit or brains.

Thunderbox, are you some kind of neurologist who specializes in patients who have their head up their ass?

That`s me DP - a no-nonsense Proctoneurologist.

Business is booming, no doubt. Seems to be a great deal of rectocranial inversion going arout these days.

Doctor's advice "Where boxers and a loose belt as it increases blood flow to the brain."

Forget aneurisms. Brain hemorhoids are the worst!

Wuuu! Hey, she probably didn't pay retail for those boots, people. Check out her ebay feedback, she buys a LOT of boots there, and at some pretty good prices.

Feedback

Good story, too. I got a killer dog poop embedded in my combat boots back in the day, and had no other choice but to put them down (literally: bury them). I still can't imagine the monster that laid that thing.

bathroomreaderfan, I am on board with you. In the immortal spirit of Chico Esquala, "Ebay has been berry berry good to me......"

As to your combat boots - my respects - would a stiff toothbrush have helped scrub the poop out of the sole? I've found in the few times that dog poop has seriously infiltrated a shoe that soaking the shoe for a day in less than one half inch of soapy water loosens just about anything up and doesn't screw with the seams of the shoe where the leather or fabric meets the sole.

Yes, there are dogs out there who defy all scientific reason when taking a shit. The people who lived next to us for 6 months just moved; their mastiff figured out how to get out of the house and often dumped on our front yard. They fed him Ol' Roy (not a quality food, mostly ground corn), so his poop was HUGE undigested lumps of hell, steamy piles from the Netherworld. I swear to you that this dog easily pooped a pound at a time.

This made it all the funner, though, to take one of the cat litter box sifters and catapult it back onto their driveway..........:-)

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

If you can't hike up a mountain with them they aren't boots. And those wimpy things don't count no matter the cost. And there is so little surface touching the ground I would think you'd almost have to be aiming to step in a pile. But that's just me in the mountains.

What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed that the responses to this story fall into two camps?

Camp One, the Female Camp:
"Oooh, I'd raise a major stink with the boot company. The nerve of them to sell such a poorly crafted boot. Even though it was adorable to look at, it must have been shoddy if it couldn't stand up to a little water. I'd demand a refund and an apology."

Camp Two: The Male Camp:
"Are you out of your effing mind spending $500 on a pair of boots that not only look stupid but have no practical use for hiking or camping or hunting? What kind of lunatic puts their boots under hot running water for 10 minutes and thinks they're going to hold up and look great, especially candyass boots like those?"

Thank you, Neurotic poster, for allowing the two genders to form up in ranks and discern what is and isn't really important.

Oh, and this story was ridiculous. Any guy would have gotten either a golf tee or a small twig and dug the damn crap out of the sole of the boot, and then scuffed around in the grass outside until the sole was clean. What kind of effete snob just sticks it in the sink and lets the water run?

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Livin' La Vida Caca!

I agree with Dumpster's theory of the shit-stickiness being directly proportional to the cost of the shoe.

I have a pair of Diesel trainers (Brit. "pumps") that I bought in a sale for forty pounds (about 80 bucks) three years ago - they were reduced from 100 GBP, so we're talking $200 shoes here.

Last year I stepped in some dogshit on the grass outside our apartment complex. (I dragged it through the house as well, but that's another story.)

The soles are a yellowish/beige rubber with a raised black pattern that looks a bit like icing/drizzled jus in nouvelle cuisine/latticework. The shit got well and truly stuck in some of these nooks and crannies, and I spent an hour plus with a knife, a brush, a scourer and some detergent trying to get it all off.

In the end, there was STILL a little shit in the grooves. All I could do was make sure I didn't wear them in the house, and just let wear and tear take its toll on the encrusted remnants.

The shit finally dropped out a couple of months later.

I'm never buying a pair of "fashionable" shoes again, unless I write a bestseller and can afford to fritter my royalty cheques away.
The quality of the shoes isn't even that good - the lining started wearing away about six months after I bought them.

$500 for boots?!? What the fuck? I guess I'm a cheapskate or something, because I won't buy a pair of shoes that costs more than $9. What the hell is the point when they'll just get dirty in the first place?

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If a man farts and no one's around, does he make a sound?

TSV has edited her comment above, so the original reply I posted here made no sense. Maybe I'll come back later and think of something clever to say.

No fair!

$500 for boots!!! Next time scrub it yourself you lazy rich person. Hell, for $100 I would have cleaned it off for you. Another $50 gets you the ass of the dog that pinched the loaf ;-)

wtf who puts a shoe worth $250 in water, have you not heard of a cloth, or a good ol' patch of grass?

I did something similar to a pair of my husband's boots. Cleaned up they were wet and I turned the oven on low. It wasn't low enough and when that smell of smoky rubber drifted down the hallway I knew I was in trouble. When I got them out of the oven they were actually smoking, but after they'd cooled down they were okay to wear. It was, though, the last time I ever tried to dry boots in the oven.

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The Psychic Pooper

The Spirit Moved Me and Look What Happened
Talking to Spirit

my husband stepped in poop the day we took our engagement photos ... he was in army boots - huge treads - why DOES is smell so bad on a shoe?

you can just do what that guy did in "barn burning" ... find a rich person's house and smear it all over their fine persian rug ... that seems to work

i hate all you guys

Sorry everyone. That was just me trying to figure out a feature. Relax. No one hates you.

I do.

The obvious is being overlooked here. An assumption is that since the pair was $500, then they were worth $250 each. It is possible that one boot was worth $498 and one worth $2. I think you need to place the other boot under the hot water and I think you will be surprised. Or not.
Just a little tidbit here. Most expensive shoes (nike's etc) that are imported are shipped in container lots of only left or right shoes. They arrive here and are paired in a repackaging operation. This procedure all but eliminates theft.

... which is precisely why I steal shoes out of US retail stores rather than travel to China to steal them.

Why do that, LJ, when you can pretty freely hijack the container ship as it passes throught he Gulf of Aden near Somalia and then get the rat bastard owners to pay you to return it? Just think, as many free pairs of shoes as you want and a ransom to boot!
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Deja, just let them have the container. Then all those rat bastards will be running around with two left shoes on (see my above post). It'll be a lot easier to catch them on foot then.