Walking out of my Midtown Manhattan office building at lunch, I was greeted by a shy woman handing out toilet paper rolls from a tote bag. She was having trouble stopping people, and was obviously not as skilled a guerrilla marketer as the giant hotdog that was wandering around last month.

Those who made eye contact with the young lady (and did not frighten her with the "New York Glare") were greeted with a roll of shrink wrapped "Women's Entertainment" paper. The copy printed on each sheet:

   Live From The Ladies Room
   The WE Awards Night
   Bathroom Break Party
   Hosted By Sandra Bernhard.

How does this novelty paper rank on the PoopReport scale? Judging by the high legibility of the printing two layers down from the surface of the roll, probably not much higher than Scott. I'll find out in a few hours. If nothing else, it will earn a place in my cabinet as a "reserve roll" for emergency purposes.

As for the effectiveness of the ad campaign... well I'm writing to PoopReport about it, if that's some kind of metric.

If only other companies would wise up and make such useful promotions! Some possible applications of toilet paper-oriented promotions:

Las Vegas Tourist Board:
"Treat Yourself To A Royal Flush. Visit Las Vegas."

Green Giant Niblets:
"High-Fiber Green Giant Niblets Removal Tool"

State Farm Insurance:
"State Farm: We got your back."

I'm sure there are others. PoopReporters...?

PoopReporters: come up with other promotional ideas that use free toilet paper (and silly puns) to entice you to buy a product/watch a show/etc. The funniest one will receive a free copy of the Journal of Ass Production!

This contest has closed. Click here for the winner!

navigate through the entries    February 25    February 26    March 1    March 2    March 3    March 4    March 7    March 8

--- ADDED FEBRUARY 25 ---


• * EXAMPLE *
  State Farm Insurance:
  "State Farm: We got your back."
  -- posted 2.25.02005 by Harry Pooter
  
  
• Ace Joint Compound
  "Spackle that crack."
  -- posted 2.25.02005 by Pill Pooper
  
  
• The Tourism & Travel Commission Of Mexico
  "Trust us. You'll need lots of this!"
  -- posted 2.25.02005 by The Big Wiper
  
  
• Seattle Tourism Board
  "Going where the sun don't shine."
  -- posted 2.25.02005 by Turdmatic 6000
  
  
• Mafia Hit Service
  "We'll wipe the bum out."
  -- posted 2.25.02005 by Turdmatic 6000
  
  
• Kroger Grocery Stores
  Proposed message on Kroger brand toilet paper:
  "From our ovens to your toilet."
  -- posted 2.25.02005 by Crappen Geocacher
  
  
• Swift Boat Veterans for Truth
  "When you need to smear, we're here."
  -- posted 2.25.02005 by Logjam
  
  
• ConocoPhillips
  "For when your sphincter is producing some crude oil."
  -- posted 2.25.02005 by The Shit Pistol
  
  
• Australia Tourism Board
  "Let's go to the land Down Under!"
  -- posted 2.25.02005 by Di Uhreea
  
  
• SCUBA Diving Association
  "We challenge the depths."
  -- posted 2.25.02005 by Di Uhreea
  
  --- ADDED FEBRUARY 26 ---
  
• Hillary in 2008 Campaign
  "Use liberally."
  -- posted 2.26.02005 by Obi-Dung Kenobi
  
• US Marine Corps
  "The goo. The brown. The latrines."
  -- posted 2.26.02005 by Obi-Dung Kenobi
  
• Ashcroft's 2008 Presidential Campaign
  [the Bill of Rights, one amendment per sheet]
  -- posted 2.26.02005 by Turdmatic 6000
  
• Burger King
  "Wipe it your way."
  -- posted 2.26.02005 by liquidy_poo
  
• Blockbuster
  "No late feces."
  -- posted 2.26.02005 by liquidy_poo
  
• Merry Maids
  "You make the mess, we clean it up."
  -- posted 2.26.02005 by Dr. Strangeturd
  
  --- ADDED MARCH 1 ---
  
• Bounty
  "Bounty: The Pooper Wiper Upper!"
  -- posted 3.1.02005 by Rectal Inversion
  
• Carmax
  "The way ass-wiping should be."
  -- posted 3.1.02005 by liquidy_poo
  
• M&Ms Candies
  "The matter melts onto the paper -- not your hands."
  -- posted 3.1.02005 by liquidy_poo
  
• Aunt Jemima Pancakes and Syrup
  "Aunt Jemima makes mornings you'll remember!"
  -- posted 3.1.02005 by liquidy_poo
  
• IBM
  "For your BM."
  -- posted 3.1.02005 by Obi-Dung Kenobi
  
  --- ADDED MARCH 2 ---
  
• Liberal Party of Canada
  "Official ballots."
  -- posted 3.2.02005 by t0x1c B4by Bug
  
• The Las Vegas Hilton
  "Feelin crappy today?"
  -- posted 3.2.02005 by Rick N.
  
• New York Yankees
  "We got the runs here!"
  -- posted 3.2.02005 by Rick N.
  
• UPS
  "What can brown do for you?"
  -- posted 3.2.02005 by pokeylittlepoopy
  
• Hefty Garbage Bags
  "For those extra large trips to the dump."
  -- posted 3.2.02005 by Poop Drop Evans
  
• Sorrento Whole Milk Mozzarella
  "Cause nothing makes your sphincter seize,
  like whole milk mozzarella cheese."
  -- posted 3.2.02005 by Poop Drop Evans
  
• Depends Undergarments
  "Sometimes you just get lucky."
  -- posted 3.2.02005 by Poop Drop Evans
  
• Winter Firelogs
  "For those extra long burns
  of those extra big logs."
  -- posted 3.2.02005 by Poop Drop Evans
  
• Chili's
  "We'll leave it to you to clean up our mess."
  -- posted 3.2.02005 by Poop Drop Evans
  
• PBS
  "If we don't doo it, who will?"
  -- posted 3.2.02005 by Three Ply
  
• Nintendo Power
  "Now you're wiping with Power!"
  -- posted 3.2.02005 by Three Ply
  
• Maxwell House
  "Good 'til the last plop."
  -- posted 3.2.02005 by Three Ply
  
• Secret Antiperspirant
  "Strong enough for a man,
  but PU balanced for a woman."
  -- posted 3.2.02005 by Three Ply
  
• Olshan Foundation Repair
  "Wipe it with Olshan, and wipe it for good."
  -- posted 3.2.02005 by Three Ply
  
• EB Games
  "We take toilet paper seriously."
  -- posted 3.2.02005 by Three Ply
  
• McGruff The Crime Dog
  "Take a wipe out of grime."
  -- posted 3.2.02005 by Three Ply
  
• MetLife Life Insurance
  "Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes."
  -- posted 3.2.02005 by Rick from Monsturd
  
• US Army
  "Join the Army... and wipe out their rears!"
  -- posted 3.2.02005 by Kung Poo
  
• Citizens for Community Values
  "Help us wipe out smut."
  -- posted 3.2.02005 by Anonymous Coward
  
• Bayer
  "You take our aspirin
  We'll take your ass-print."
  -- posted 3.2.02005 by Harry Plopper
  
• Alka Seltzer
  "Plop plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is."
  -- posted 3.2.02005 by John Elliott
  
• Dr. Pepper
  "[Don't] be a pooper, drink Dr. Pepper."
  -- posted 3.2.02005 by John Elliott
  
• Progressive Auto Insurance
  "Not what you'd expect from an insurance agency."
  -- posted 3.2.02005 by Liquidy_poo
  
  --- ADDED MARCH 3 ---
  
• McDonalds
  "I'm wipin' shit!"
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by The Fartist
  
• Capital One
  "What's in your toilet?"
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by The Fartist
  
• Nestle Cookies
  "This really takes the biscuit."
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by Harry Plopper
  
• Municipal Funeral Services
  "...because you can't take it with you!"
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by Harry Plopper
  
• Overstock.com
  "It's all about the hole."
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by Poopedem
  
• Windex
  "Skid-free shine."
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by Poopedem
  
• Toys "R" Us
  "Where a skid can be a skid."
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by Poopedem
  
• Pinkerton Detective Agency
  "Nobody gets deeper to uncover dirt that others have missed."
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by Slim Jim Junkie
  
• BASF
  "We don't make the ass. We wipe it better."
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by The Shit Volcano
  
• Saturn Cars
  "From Saturn to Uranus, with love."
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by Juli Pooli
  
• Lionel Richie's new album
  "Gimme just one more wipe."
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by Juli Pooli
  
• Glock
  "Shooting the world's finest bullets for 35 years."
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by Juli Pooli
  
• Kodak
  "Say butt cheese!"
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by Juli Pooli
  
• Summer Camp 2005
  "You can be a happy crapper, too!"
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by Juli Pooli
  
• Nike
  "Just Doo It."
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by Soggy
  
• NASA
  "Boldly exploring Uranus."
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by General Colon Pow
  
• Rescue Missions
  "Cleaning up one bum at a time!"
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by General Colon Pow
  
• Goodyear Tires
  "Don't leave skidmarks!"
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by General Colon Pow
  
• The Federal Reserve
  "Use and save. It'll be worth more than our currency soon!"
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by General Colon Pow
  
• Jeopardy (the game show)
  "What is 'fast food', Alex?"
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by General Colon Pow
  
• Sears
  Shows catalog merchandise on paper, with the following wording superimposed over copy:
  "You know you used it for this, anyway!"
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by General Colon Pow
  
• Anti-TV Society
  "Looking at this after use is equivalent to watching seven hours of TV."
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by General Colon Pow
  
• Ex-Lax
  "Hey... it works!"
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by General Colon Pow
  
• Stress-Relief Clinic
  With pictures of Bill Clinton, George Bush I & II, Ronald Reagan, Jimmy Carter, Richard Nixon on paper.
  "Feels good, doesn't it?!"
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by General Colon Pow
  
• Volkswagen
  "Fartfignewton!"
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by General Colon Pow
  
• AllState
  "You're in gooey hands with AllState.
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by Turd Hugegrunt
  
• Charmin
  "Hey, Mr. Whipple... don't squeeze the sphincter."
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by Turd Hugegrunt
  
• Dow Corning Fiber Optics
  "Let us lay your next cable."
  -- posted 3.3.02005 by El Cagador
  
  --- ADDED MARCH 4 ---
  
• Porta Potties (Camping Gear)
  "Outdoor lab. Potent potshot."
  -- posted 3.4.02005 by pooahgirl
  
• Jehovah's Witnesses
  "Let The Spirit move you!"
  -- posted 3.4.02005 by Colon Bowell
  
• SERVPRO Cleanup & Restoration
  "Like it never even happened."
  -- posted 3.4.02005 by pokeylittlepoopy
  
• Microsoft
  "MicroPillowySoft."
  -- posted 3.4.02005 by Leo
  
• Blockbuster
  "No more late feces. Shit's over!"
  -- posted 3.4.02005 by Leo
  
• Brown University
  "Here's your honorary doctorate."
  -- posted 3.4.02005 by PooperGal
  
• Executive Limosine Service
  "Let us take you to your next pressing engagement."
  -- posted 3.4.02005 by El Cagador
  
• Dawn
  "Tough on poop, not on your hands."
  -- posted 3.4.02005 by Pootopia
  
  --- ADDED MARCH 7 ---
  
• PoopReport.com
  "Your business is our business."
  -- posted 3.7.02005 by Logjam
  
• Redneck Comedy
  "Gitter done!"
  -- posted 3.7.02005 by Grizzly Bottoms
  
• Folgers Coffee
  "It's Folgers in your butt."
  -- posted 3.7.02005 by Turd Hugegrunt
  
• North Korea
  "Member State, Asskiss of Evil."
  -- posted 3.7.02005 by Turd Hugegrunt
  
• Dr. Scholl's One Step Corn Remover
  "Wipes out every last kernel."
  -- posted 3.7.02005 by Turd Hugegrunt
  
• Stihl Chainsaws
  "We can handle any log."
  -- posted 3.7.02005 by Soggy
  
• Ashlee Simpson
  Picture of Ashlee smiling.
  "Wipe this smile off my face."
  -- posted 3.7.02005 by Soggy
  
• Garbage Gobbler
  "Collections are a pain in the assets."
  -- posted 3.7.02005 by T Wayne Finto
  
• Volkswagen
  "Wipers wanted."
  -- posted 3.7.02005 by The Shit Reaper
  
• KFC
  "Finger lickin' good."
  -- posted 3.7.02005 by The Shit Reaper
  
• Pepsodent
  "You'll wonder where the brown went
  when you wipe your butt with Pepsodent."
  -- posted 3.7.02005 by The Shit Reaper
  
• Yellow Pages
  "Let your fingers do the wiping."
  -- posted 3.7.02005 by The Shit Reaper
  
  --- ADDED MARCH 8 ---
  
• IBM
  "I think, therefore IBM."
  -- posted 3.8.02005 by Colon Bowell
  
• The National Enquirer
  "For those times when you're full of shit -- just like us."
  -- posted 3.8.02005 by Taylor
  
• Wendy's
  "It's shitty here!"
  -- posted 3.8.02005 by Dr. Strangeturd
  
• PoopReport.com
  "Filled with shitty humor, literally."
  -- posted 3.8.02005 by Dr. Strangeturd
  
• Target
  "Expect more, shit less."
  -- posted 3.8.02005 by Dr. Strangeturd
  
• Budweiser
  "This shit's for you."
  -- posted 3.8.02005 by Dr. Strangeturd
  
• Crest Toothpaste
  "Look Ma, no dingleberries!"
  -- posted 3.8.02005 by Dump Cake
  
• Optometrist's Office

        A
       B M  
      P O O  
     T U R D  
    f e c e s 
   p o o p i e  
  s t e a m e r 

  -- posted 3.8.02005 by Soggy