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CONTEST #15: If PoopReport Sold Out

Posted 04.20.2004 by Dave (11977)
The people promoting the movie Envy (starring Ben Stiller and Jack Black, coming April 30 to a theater near you!) have offered to sponsor one of our contests. Don't accuse me of selling out -- aside from a few free cans of Vapoorizer, I'm not getting paid. What's happening instead is that FIVE lucky PoopReporters will win Envy prize packages. Not one... five! I'm doing this for YOU!

But what if I DID sell out? What if Nike came along and said, "Dave, we'd like to buy PoopReport." What would happen?

Well, I'm sure I'd have to change our slogan to "PoopReport: Just Doo It."

And that is the theme of this contest: come up with the PoopReport versions of whatever corporation to which I might sell out. You can submit slogans, mascots, products, logos or anything else, as long as it's funny and relevant. If someone drove a dump trunk full of money up to my house, what would be the result?

And thanks to Envy! Go see it!

Ben Stiller and Jack Black star as Tim and Nick, best friends, neighbors and co-workers, whose equal footing is suddenly tripped up when one of Nick's harebrained get-rich-quick schemes actually succeeds: Vapoorizer, a spray that literally makes dog poop, or any other kind for that matter, evaporate into thin air -- to where exactly is anyone's guess.

Tim, who had scoffed at Nick's idea and passed on an opportunity to get in on the deal, can only watch as Nick's fortune -- and Tim's own envy -- grow to equally outrageous proportions. When the flames of jealousy are fanned by an oddball drifter (Walken) who imposes himself into the situation, Tim's life careens wildly out of control ... taking Nick's with it.




This contest is now closed. See the winners here!

  • * EXAMPLE *
    PoopReport and Microsoft:
    "Where Do You Want to Go Today?"

    Our new product line:
    Microsoft Orifice -- featuring Microsoft Turd, Microsoft Power Poot, and Microsoft Blight Simulator
    -- posted 4.22.02004 by Dave

  • * EXAMPLE *
    PoopReport and Kelloggs
    "Gotta Have My Poops!"
    -- posted 4.22.02004 by Dave

    --- ADDED APRIL 23 ---
  • PoopReport and AT&T
    "Reach Out and Touch Some Bum"
    -- posted 4.23.02004 by Di Uhreea

  • PoopReport and Ericsson
    "Make Yourself Turd"
    -- posted 4.23.02004 by Di Uhreea

  • PoopReport and Apple
    "Stink Different"
    -- posted 4.23.02004 by Di Uhreea

  • PoopReport and UPS
    "Bowels Moving at the Speed of Business"
    -- posted 4.23.02004 by Di Uhreea

  • PoopReport and Pepsi
    "Feel the Waste"
    -- posted 4.23.02004 by Di Uhreea

  • PoopReport and Toyota
    "Oh, What a Feeling"
    -- posted 4.23.02004 by Di Uhreea

  • PoopReport and Dockers
    "One Log at a Time"
    -- posted 4.23.02004 by Di Uhreea

  • PoopReport and Budweiser
    "King of Rears"
    -- posted 4.23.02004 by Di Uhreea

  • PoopReport and Home Depot
    "You Can Doo It, We Can Help."
    -- posted 4.23.02004 by Barry

  • PoopReport and Maxwell House
    "Good to the Last Drop"
    -- posted 4.23.02004 by Barry

  • PoopReport and Kit Kat
    "Have a Break and a Kit Kat"
    -- posted 4.23.02004 by Barry

  • PoopReport and UPS:
    "What Can Brown Do For You?"

    Our new product line:
    Overnight pookage delivery.
    -- posted 4.23.02004 by Disco Poo

  • PoopReport and McDonalds
    "I'm Lovin' Shit"
    -- posted 4.23.02004 by Ass Phlegm

  • PoopReport and The National Pork Board
    "Poop. The Other Brown Meat."
    -- posted 4.23.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Capital One Visa
    "What's in Your Toilet?"
    -- posted 4.23.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and KFC
    "It's Sphincter-ripping Good"
    -- posted 4.23.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Tom "Biddet" for Motel 6
    "We'll Heave the Load Out For Ya"
    -- posted 4.23.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Ford
    "Built Turd Tough"
    -- posted 4.23.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Aflac Insurance
    "Ass Spat! AAAAAAS SPLAAAAAT!"
    -- posted 4.23.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and The Dairy Board
    "Got Poop?"
    -- posted 4.23.02004 by Poop Patroller

  • PoopReport and The Partnership for a Drug Free America
    "Diarrhea: The Anti-Poop"
    -- posted 4.23.02004 by Poop Patroller


    --- ADDED APRIL 24 ---
  • PoopReport and Shake & Bake
    "My Elderly Grandmother Relieved Herself on the Toilet... and I Helped!"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Poop Patroller

  • PoopReport and Timex
    "It Takes a Hitting and Keeps on Shitting"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Poop Patroller

  • PoopReport and Verizon Wireless
    "Can You Flush Me Now?"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Habitat for Humanity
    "A Hand Up, Not A Hand Out"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Avis
    "We Push Harder, So You Don't Have To"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and Yellow Pages
    "Let Your Fingers Do The Wiping"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and Yellow Pages
    "All The News That's Fit To Read While You Shit"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and FedEx
    "When It Absolutely, Positively Has To Be Out Of Your Ass Overnight"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and Brylcreem
    "A Little Dab'll Doo Ya"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and Bounty
    "The Quicker Pucker-Upper"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and Burger King
    "Plop It Your Way"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and Alka Seltzer
    "Plop, Plop, Squirt, Splat, Oh What a Relief It Is"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and Lay's
    "Betcha Can't Drop Just One"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and Morton Salt
    "When It's Diarrhea, It Pours!"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and Schlitz
    "The Poop That Made Milwaukee Famous"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and 1010 WINS Radio
    "You Give Us 22 Minutes, We'll Give You a Bowlful"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and Energizer Batteries
    "Keeps Going and Going and Going..."
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and Duracell Batteries
    "You Can't Top the CopperPLOP"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and Apple iTunes
    "Rip. Mix. Burn."
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and Mercury Records
    "First With The Shits"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and E.F. Hutton
    "When E. F. Hutton Shits, People Listen"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and Coco Pops
    "I'd Rather Have a Bowl of Coco Pops"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and Ivory Soap
    "It Floats!"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and Hampton Inn
    "We Love Having You Shit Here"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and Camel Cigarettes
    "I'd Walk a Mile For My Own Toilet"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and Virginia Slims
    "You've Dropped a Long One, Baby"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and Continental Airlines
    "We Really Move Our Tail For You"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and Chevrolet
    "Like a Rock"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and BMW
    "Sheer Dumping Pleasure"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and The Peace Corps
    "The Toughest Job You'll Ever Love"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and United Negro College Fund
    "A Good Dump is a Terrible Thing to Waste"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Doniker

  • PoopReport and Mountain Dew
    "Do The Doo"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Barry

  • PoopReport and IBM
    "Investigating Bowel Movements"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Splat

  • PoopReport and Survivor
    "Outshit, Outspray, Outblast."
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Splat

  • PoopReport and Coca Cola
    "Coke is Shit."
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Splat

  • PoopReport and Staples
    "That Was Greasy."
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Splat

  • PoopReport and Pringles
    "Once You Plop, You Can't Stop!"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by The Fartist

  • PoopReport and Gatorade/Propel
    "How Active is Your Sphincter?"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by The Fartist

  • PoopReport and Chrysler
    "Defecation Comes Standard"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by The Fartist

  • PoopReport and Mastercard
    "Toilet Paper: $.99/roll.
    "New Toilet for Bathroom: $300.
    "Pooping Yourself Before You Can Finish Installing: Priceless."
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Liquidy_poo

  • PoopReport and Hormel Chili
    "Add Some Spice to Your Turds"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Liquidy_poo

  • PoopReport and The Cattlemen's Beef Board
    "Poop. It's What's For Dinner."
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by The Shit Volcano

  • PoopReport and Taco Bell
    "Think Outside Your Buns"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Bloodtang

  • PoopReport and Verizon
    "Can You Smell Me Now?"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by Slim Jim Junkie

  • PoopReport and Rice Krispies
    "Snap, Crackle, Plop"
    -- posted 4.24.02004 by AssBlaster2000


    --- ADDED APRIL 26 ---
  • PoopReport and NASCAR
    "How Bad Have You Got It?"
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by Insane Wayne

  • PoopReport and George W. Bush
    "Steady Leadershit in Times of Change"
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by Disco Poo

  • PoopReport and McDonalds
    "I'm Smellin' It."
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by Liquidy_poo

  • PoopReport and Kellogg's Frosted Flakes
    "They feel G-R-R-R-EAT!"
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by Liquidy_poo

  • PoopReport and Kool-Aid
    "Ohhhh, yeah!"
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by Liquidy_poo

  • PoopReport and Cocoa Puffs Cereal
    "I Go Poo-Poo for Cocoa Puffs!"
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by Liquidy_poo

  • PoopReport and Hostess Twinkies
    "Where's the Poop Filling?"
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by Liquidy_poo

  • PoopReport and Geico Insurance
    "Fifteen minutes Could Save You 15 Percent or More on Abdominal Pain"
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by Liquidy_poo

  • PoopReport and Cattlemen's Beef Board
    "Poop. It's what's After Dinner."
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by Liquidy_poo

  • PoopReport and Pizza Hut
    "Gather 'Round The Good Shit"
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by Liquidy_poo

  • PoopReport and Toyota
    "Get the Feeling."
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by Liquidy_poo

  • PoopReport and NYSE
    "The World Plops its Stock in Us"
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by Poop Diddy

  • PoopReport and Volkswagon
    "Toilets Wanted"
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by Poop Diddy

  • PoopReport and Iomega
    "Because It's Your Crap"
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by Poop Diddy

  • PoopReport and Acura
    "The True Gratification of Pooping. Yours."
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by Poop Diddy

  • PoopReport and a new laxative product:
    I was envisioning a product if you sold out to a laxative company. Plook: PoopReport's special extra-strength laxative for those giant turds. It even has it's own slogan.

    "Plook! The sound of satisfaction."

    Just take a big crap in the toilet. You'll hear what I mean.
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by The Shit Volcano

  • PoopReport and Oscar Mayer Wieners
    Oh I wish I were a PoopReporter,
    That is what I'd really like to be.
    'Cause if I were a Poopreporter,
    Everyone would be in love with me!
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by AssBlaster2000

  • PoopReport and Nissan
    SHIT_originality
    SHIT_convention
    SHIT_passion
    SHIT_inspiration
    SHIT_joy
    SHIT_the possibilities
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by AssBlaster2000

  • PoopReport and Sprite
    "Obey Your Squirts"
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by James

  • PoopReport and The Wall Street Journal
    "Adventures in Crapitalism"
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by Jack Scat

  • PoopReport and Rolos
    "Do you love anyone enough to give them your last roll of toilet paper?"
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by Jack Scat

  • PoopReport and Disneyland
    "The Crappiest Place On Earth"
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by Jack Scat

  • PoopReport and Yukon Jack
    Yukon Jack Dook on Splat: a waste born of poopy nights where men struggled to keep their fires full of shit and colons warm. Boldy flavorful, yet surprisingly smooth, there is no spirit like Dook on Splat.
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by Daphne

  • PoopReport and Jif
    "Poopy Lovers Ooze Jif"
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by Daphne

  • PoopReport and Budweiser
    "The Ring of Rears"
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by Daphne

  • PoopReport and Selsun Blue
    "Never Wear Crap Without The Poo"
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by Daphne

  • PoopReport and Dell
    "Easy as Smell"
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by Grebuloner

  • PoopReport and Milk
    "Got Kaopectate?"
    -- posted 4.26.02004 by Poonurse


    --- ADDED APRIL 27 ---
  • PoopReport didn't just sell out to one company. In fact, PoopReport is so wanted that Charmin Toilet Paper and T-Mobile joined forces! The end result:
    "Get More"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Tom Lasky

  • PoopReport and Snickers
    "Not going anywhere for a while?"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Clustersnarf

  • PoopReport and Skittles
    "Shit the Rainbow"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Clustersnarf

  • PoopReport and Mounds/Almond Joy
    "Sometimes You Shit With Nuts, Sometimes You Don't"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Clustersnarf

  • PoopReport and Starburst
    "Isn't Life Shitty?"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Clustersnarf

  • PoopReport and Captain Morgan's Rum
    "Got a Little Crappin' In You?"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Daphne

  • PoopReport and Pontiac
    "Stool For The Soul"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Daphne

  • PoopReport and Meow Mix
    "Poop Poop Poop Poop
    "Poop Poop Poop Poop
    "Poop Poop Poop Poop Poop Poop Poop Poop"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Poop Patroller

  • PoopReport and Wendy's
    "Where's The Beef?"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Disco Poo

  • PoopReport and Sherwin Williams
    "All You Need to Know About Taint"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Intel
    "It Smells Inside"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and A-1 Steaksauce
    "It Makes Hamburgers Taste Like Taintburgers"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and A&W Rootbeer
    "The Lumpy Log Sensation"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and American Express
    "Don't Leave The Throne Without Shit"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Calvin Klein Jeans
    "Nothing Comes Between Me and My Calvins"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Campbell's Soup
    "Mmm, mmm, poo!"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and M&Ms
    "The Milk Chocolate Melts in Your Mouth, Not in the Can"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Pillsbury
    "Nothin' Says Loving Like Something From The Oven"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and BMW
    "The Ultimate Dangling Thing"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and DeBeers Diamonds
    "A Peanut Is Forever"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Brim Coffee
    "Fill It to the Rim... With Brim"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and I Can't Believe It's not Butter
    "I Can't Relieve Without Splatter"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Ford
    "Quality is Job #2"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Fox News
    "Smeared and Steamless"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Carl's Jr.
    "If It Doesn't Get All Over The Place, It Doesn't Belong In Your Face"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Clairol Herbal Essences
    "A Total Organic Experience"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Perdue Chicken
    "It Takes a Tough Man to Take a Tender Shittin'"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and FTD Florists
    "Say It With Smellers"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Folgers
    "The Best Part of Waking Up is Crapping in Your Tub"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Butterfinger
    "Nobody Better Lay a Finger on my Buttered Sphincter"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Green Giant
    "Ho Ho Ho Brown Giant"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and NyQuil
    "The Night-Time Shitting, Squeezing, Crapping, Snaking, Stinky Felch, Quiver, So-You-Can Rest Medicine."
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Life Call Medic Alert
    "Help! I've Farted and My Pants Filled Up!"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Reebok
    "Because Life is Not a Sphincter Sport"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Absolut Vodka
    "Absolut Poop"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Jack Scat

  • PoopReport and Gatorade
    "Is It STILL In You?"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Bub

  • PoopReport and Alka Seltzer BM
    "Effective Fast Relief"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Baby Poop

  • PoopReport and Visine BM
    "Gets the Brown Out"

    Visine offers its first product for your brown eye. Visine BM contains a fast-acting dual action formula that temporarily relieves redness, itching and burning discomfort of the eye due to low-quality toilet paper, heart worms, bike riding and corn holing.
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Baby Poop

  • PoopReport and National Park Service
    "Poop on Your America"

    The National Park Service is working hard to be your vacation "relief spot."

    The NPS website now includes detailed maps of crapper locations. The maps' legends help you identify those crappers with the features you are looking for, such as: walls, a roof, running water, wooden seats, corn cobs, or just deep holes in the ground.

    Now you, too, can leave some natural resources behind for others to enjoy. So what are you waiting for? All other animals on this planet poop outside... here's your chance to do it someplace great, and make it count.
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by Baby Poop

  • PoopReport and United Airlines
    "We Love To Poop, and It Shows"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by ButtTrumpet22

  • PoopReport and Outback Steakhouse
    "No Rules, Just Crap"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by ButtTrumpet22

  • PoopReport and Timex
    "It Takes a Tootin' and Keeps On Shootin'"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by ButtTrumpet22

  • PoopReport and Southwest Airlines
    "Got To Get Away... From The Stench"
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by ButtTrumpet22

  • PoopReport and Gravy Train
    (Need I say more?)
    -- posted 4.27.02004 by ButtTrumpet22


    --- ADDED APRIL 28 ---
  • PoopReport and Play Station
    "It's In The Bowl"
    -- posted 4.28.02004 by Ejacula

  • PoopReport and Maybelline
    "Maybe That's Corn in it; Maybe it's PoopReport"
    -- posted 4.28.02004 by Poop Patroller

  • PoopReport and Wendy's
    "Poop Great -- Even Late!"
    -- posted 4.28.02004 by Poop Patroller

  • PoopReport and M&M's
    "Color My Poo"
    -- posted 4.28.02004 by Liquidy_poo

  • PoopReport and Lowenbrau
    "Tonight Let It Be Low and Brown"
    -- posted 4.28.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Grey Poupon
    "Pardon Me... Do You Have Any Grey Poop On?"
    -- posted 4.28.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Slinky
    "It's Slinky, It's Stinky, oh, What a Wonderful Toy! It's Fun for a Girl and a Boy!"
    -- posted 4.28.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and 1-800-COLLECT
    "Just Wipe Down the Middle"
    -- posted 4.28.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Ron Popeil
    "Just Shit It and Forget It"
    -- posted 4.28.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Ricola Cough Drops
    "Riiiiippedcoloooooon"
    -- posted 4.28.02004 by Professor Lump

  • PoopReport and Calgon
    "You know so much about poop... Wait a second? Is that PoopReport.com? Ancient Chinese Secret, huh?"
    -- posted 4.28.02004 by Poop Patroller

  • PoopReport and Eastman Kodak
    "Share Movements, Share Wipes"
    -- posted 4.28.02004 by Po_dog

  • PoopReport and Extends Penis Enlargement
    "Increase the Length and Girth of your Poop!"
    -- posted 4.28.02004 by Po_dog


    --- ADDED APRIL 29 ---
  • PoopReport and Merrill Lynch
    "When Merrill Lynch Talks Shit, People Listen"
    -- posted 4.29.02004 by The Big Wiper

  • PoopReport and Air Wick Air Fresheners
    "Fragrances That Change Your World"
    -- posted 4.29.02004 by The Big Wiper

  • PoopReport and The National Hockey League
    "The Fastest Shits on Ice"
    -- posted 4.29.02004 by Disco Poo

  • PoopReport and Moosehead Beer
    "Brewed Since 1867"
    -- posted 4.29.02004 by Disco Poo

  • PoopReport and Bud Light
    "Real American Bungholes"
    -- posted 4.29.02004 by The Fartist

  • PoopReport and Wal-Mart
    "Always Blow Feces. Always."
    -- posted 4.29.02004 by Patrick Bonck

  • PoopReport and Bud Light
    "Fresh. Smooth. Real."
    -- posted 4.29.02004 by Patrick Bonck

  • PoopReport and Taco Bell
    "Make A Run For The Toilet!"
    -- posted 4.29.02004 by Patrick Bonck

  • PoopReport and Pillsbury
    "My Fart To Yours"
    -- posted 4.29.02004 by Patrick Bonck

  • PoopReport and Cialis
    "If a Relaxing Moment Turns into the Right Moment, Will Your Bowels be Ready?"
    -- posted 4.29.02004 by Patrick Bonck

  • PoopReport and Verizon
    "Can You Hear Me Shit Now?"
    -- posted 4.29.02004 by The Gentleman

  • PoopReport and Hebrew National Franks
    "We Answer to the Sewer Authority"
    -- posted 4.29.02004 by Crapola

  • PoopReport and Winsor Pilates
    "It flattened my stomach like nothing else!" celebrity Daisy Poo-entes exclaims.
    -- posted 4.29.02004 by Crapola

  • PoopReport and Forbes
    "Capitalist Stool"
    -- posted 4.29.02004 by Crapola


    --- ADDED APRIL 30 ---
  • PoopReport and MasterCard
    My logo and slogan are a perfect cow patty interlocking with a rolled-up poodle turd (like the MasterCard logo), and the slogan is: "Taking a Dump is Priceless. For All else, use MasterShit."
    -- posted 4.30.02004 by St. Lupin

  • PoopReport and Nike
    "Bo Knows Poop."
    -- posted 4.30.02004 by Liz-e

  • PoopReport and Budweiser
    "Butt.... wi.... per."
    -- posted 4.30.02004 by Liz-e

  • PoopReport and the Associated Press
    "The Essential Global Poop Network"
    -- posted 4.30.02004 by Bricklayer

  • PoopReport and the New York Times
    "All The News That's Shit, We Print"
    -- posted 4.30.02004 by PooperGal

  • PoopReport and Viagra
    "Is your poop not hard enough? Ask PooNurse if Viagra is right for you..."
    -- posted 4.30.02004 by Malicious Pooping

  • PoopReport and D.A.R.E.
    D.A.R.E.
    Diarrhea
    Awareness
    Resistance
    Emasculater
    -- posted 4.30.02004 by Malicious Pooping

  • PoopReport and Desert Eagle
    "The science of KURPLUNK!"
    -- posted 4.30.02004 by Malicious Pooping

  • PoopReport and Enkei Wheels
    "Poop Hard"
    -- posted 4.30.02004 by Malicious Pooping

  • PoopReport and Southwest Airlines
    "You Are Now Free To Move About The Crapper"
    -- posted 4.30.02004 by Jason

  • PoopReport and Hewlett Packard
    "I've Been Looking So Long at my Pictures of Poo..."
    -- posted 4.30.02004 by The Fartist

  • PoopReport and Flintstone Vitamins
    "10 Million Shits... and Growing."
    -- posted 4.30.02004 by AssBlaster2000


This contest is now closed. See the winners here!


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Dave (11977) -- 04.21.2004

Incidentally, the prizes are as follows: a can of Vapoorizer, a bunch of stickers, a small poster and an Envy yard sign. Woo hoo!

Di Uhreea (410) -- 04.21.2004

Hopefully, the fact that I LOVE and worship Ben Stiller will be taken in to consideration....

The Shit Volcano (3817) -- 04.21.2004

This is going to be fun. He he he!

Poop Patroller (not verified) -- 04.22.2004

Damn, Professor Lump, you are one funny pooper!

liquidy_poo (63) -- 04.22.2004

barry should change the maxwell house one to "good to the last plop"

doniker (1551) -- 04.23.2004

My favorite so far:

PoopReport and Mastercard
"Toilet Paper: $.99/roll.
"New Toilet for Bathroom: $300.
"Pooping Yourself Before You Can Finish Installing: Priceless."

that's funny.

daphne (4391) -- 04.23.2004

Professor lump may walk away with all five wins!!! I'm going to have to think of something for eye medicine or Bausch and Lomb. My eye infection is bad. Yuckies.

liquidy_poo (63) -- 04.23.2004

thanks doniker! i had trouble remembering which credit card started that whole slogan thing, though.

The Shit Volcano (3817) -- 04.23.2004

My vote for liquidy poo! That's the funniest one yet.

AssBlaster2000 (1116) -- 04.24.2004

Doniker's are goddamn funny. Fucking funny, as a matter of fact.

P.S. I'm quite drunk.

daphne (4391) -- 04.24.2004

Assblaster, I just submitted a liquor slogan to celebrate that fact.

daphne (4391) -- 04.24.2004

And, I did use PETA's slogan for the American Beef Council just because it's so funny I wanted to share it. It's not mine, it's PETA's.
I am not a crook.

Poop Diddy (not verified) -- 04.26.2004

PoopReport and DeBeers Diamonds
"A Peanut Is Forever"

LOL

The Shit Volcano (3817) -- 04.26.2004

Hey, I just noticed something. (Me and editor's nose again.) I think me and Liquidy Poo thought of the same statement about the Cattlemen's Beef people! I'm not sure which one of us thought of it first. Oh, poo!

liquidy_poo (63) -- 04.27.2004

the same thing happened to me: doniker's

Chevrolet
Like a rock.

he just got to it before i did, so mine didnt post. check your email, you might have one from dave saying why it didnt post

pooQueen (not verified) -- 04.27.2004

Ricola by Professor Lump...hahahahahaha...cough drops are so much better the poopreport way!

Baby Poop (not verified) -- 04.27.2004

Who can compete with Professor Lump?
The writing skills of a 40 year old, the wit for writing poop humor of a 14 year old.
I have to raise the White Cloud and surrender.

The Fartist (66) -- 04.27.2004

professor lump: my scat's off to ya. 1-800-collect: just wipe down the middle. that's genius. fart blood dude!

Shameful Shamus (not verified) -- 04.27.2004

My favorites at this point:
Folgers "The best part of waking up is crapping in your tub"
Maybeline "Maybe that's corn in it, maybe it's PoopReport"
Capital One "What's in YOUR toilet?"

Nice work, PoopReporters!

Dave (11977) -- 04.27.2004

At some point during the blur that is the last two years, Professor Lump and I met up to spend an evening wandering New York, drinking beer, discussing PoopReport, and talking about meeting girls on the Internet. The good Professor promised to send me some pictures he took during our drunken evening, but he never did. Maybe if we get some peer pressure going...

Professor Lump (34) -- 04.27.2004

Dave, I got your email. Have not had time to reply. Here is the story. I lost them or tossed them away without knowing what box they were in when I moved a while ago. When you emailed me I searched all the boxes that they could be in and could not find them and that is the only conclusion I can come up with. Sorry but I can't find them anywhere.

C'mon... (not verified) -- 04.29.2004

That is a sad, sad excuse for not wanting to show drunken pictures of yourself, Lump.

Your Name Here (not verified) -- 05.04.2004

"I've Farted and my pants filled up"... My God that's funny. I'm still laughing from the gut. I can see the old woman on the floor after having "Gambled and lost" saying that.

Troutman Coolee (not verified) -- 05.13.2004

How come no one came up with:
PoopReport and UPS:
We run the tightest shit in the shitting business.

Professor Lump (34) -- 05.23.2004

I got my bottle of Vapoorize today! Thanks Dave! Best damn stuff I have ever won in my entire lifetime!

La Petomaine (not verified) -- 08.31.2005

Holy crap! I'm at work and I'm laughing my ass off! Good thing I already took a dump or I might have loaded my pants too. This is the funniest shit I've read in ages! I almost spewed my midnight Slim Fast all over the computer screen and there are tears running down my face--thanks loads to everybody who submitted their fecal sample to this contest!
La Petomaine

motleycruefan'05 (not verified) -- 11.09.2005

Here's something that should have been on this page: Poop report and the U.S. Air Force. cross into the brown and U.S. army. Army of #2

SamDamnit (1196) -- 01.04.2006

If marijuana were made legal. Poop Report could sell it's own brand.
"Smoke the Good Shit"

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://groups.myspace.com/THECHURCHOFPOOP

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