What is more universal than poop? What emotion better transcends the gamut of social, political, economic and geographical spectrums? From the mightiest Pharaoh to the lowliest peasant, poop binds us as a species, as human beings.

PoopReport is dedicated to exploring the emotion and act of poop. We do it with a distinct post-modern post-Y2K post-Tom Green Americentric flavor.

But not today. Today we're kicking it old school -- 16th-Century Japan style.

According to The Art of Haiku, haiku is practiced to "transcend the limitation imposed by the usual language and the linear/scientific thinking that treat the nature and the human being as a machine." "[A haiku] must register or indicate a moment, sensation, impression or drama of a specific fact of nature. It's almost like a photo of some specific moment of nature.

Here's an example:

What's reality?
Your hot mom ramming my ass
with a chimney brush.
-- Posted 5.22.02001 by Knigel.

Although the structure varies, we're going to stick with the form most of us learned in elementary school: 17 syllables, distributed across 3 lines: 5 - 7 - 5.

Haiku is beautiful. Poop is beautiful. Let's get started.

• Stolen from the farm
  Aliens probe my anus.
  Why did I eat bran?
  -- Posted 5.22.02001 by Knigel.
  
  
• Cocaine filled balloons
  clog up my small intestine,
  Please don't leak in me!
  -- Posted 5.22.02001 by Knigel.
  
  
• In honor of impending graduation:
  "Thesis" pluralized
  is "theses," so perfectly
  rhyming with feces.
  -- Posted 5.22.02001 by Knigel (thanks C.R.).
  
  
• Steaming lump of turd
  flies buzzing all over it.
  Turd squashed on shoe sole.
  -- Posted 5.23.02001 by P.J.
  
  
• Big healthy turd logs
  Oh no, no toilet paper
  Turn on the shower.
  -- Posted 5.24.02001 by Hillbilly.
  
  
• Middle of the night
  Arising from a dead sleep
  Corn poop is funny
  -- Posted 5.24.02001 by Hillbilly.
  
  
• Blast on the back wall.
  Dripping porcelean feces.
  Why do I eat beans?
  -- Posted 5.24.02001 by JoJo.
  
  
• Skidmarks on my shorts.
  Crusty, sometimes lumpy too.
  Clinging on the wall?
  -- Posted 5.29.02001 by P.J.
  
  
• Fiery sensation
  visions of dancing demons
  Jalepeno poop.
  -- Posted 5.29.02001 by JoJo.
  
  
• Pants filled with fart
  Wipe my ass and marks show up
  Should of shit then!
  -- Posted 5.29.02001 by Robert.
  
  
• Brown and browner pain
  a burley sloth inches forth
  corny head peeking
  -- Posted 5.31.02001 by Hairy Pooter.
  
  
• My stretching sphincter,
  yawns like a black hole in space,
  only gas comes out.
  -- Posted 5.31.02001 by Colon Bowell.
  
  
• Floodgates are open.
  I'll be stuck here for an hour --
  Taco Bell's revenge.
  -- Posted 5.31.02001 by Colon Bowell.
  
  
• Sticky moist loaf won't fall
  Dammit you just broke in two
  Half loaf takes ten wipes.
  -- Posted 6.5.02001 by Big Poopie Masta.
  
  
• Forgot to wipe it
  Shit stains on McNair jersey
  Now shit's on the wall.
  -- Posted 6.5.02001 by Tuffguy.
  
  
• Reading magazine
  Dropping kids off at the pool
  Nothing smells like stool.
  -- Posted 6.5.02001 by anonymous pooper.
  
  
• Silent but deadly smell
  like good wine i let it breathe
  turd in the oven.
  -- Posted 6.5.02001 by John.
  
  
• Sounded like a fart
  Shot out like a torpedo
  'Twas a bean burrito.
  -- Posted 6.5.02001 by Willy.
  
  
• Haiku about poo:
  My toilet's name is Douglas
  It's from Syracuse.
  -- Posted 6.5.02001 by Colon Bowell.
  
  
• I am very thin.
  Most toilet seats are too wide.
  And I fall right in.
  -- Posted 6.5.02001 by Colon Bowell.
  
  
• Took a dump today
  swirling water flush my cares
  life is now better.
  -- Posted 6.11.02001 by John.
  
  
• I like a quick dump.
  No need for toilet paper.
  Not that I'm lazy...
  -- Posted 6.11.02001 by Randy.
  
  
• Greasy turd slides out.
  What was it I ate last night?
  Was it spam? Oil slick.
  -- Posted 6.11.02001 by Professor Lump.
  
  
• Butt cheeks squeezed tightly
  Turtle head is poking out
  No bathroom in sight.
  -- Posted 6.11.02001 by Professor Lump.
  
  
• Pigeons in the air
  Shitting in my just washed hair
  I love poop...don't care.
  -- Posted 6.11.02001 by Professor Lump.
  
  
• Squirting mud flow comes
  Out my butt and in the can
  Splashing on the wall.
  -- Posted 6.11.02001 by Professor Lump.
  
  
• I am sick..it's true.
  I like stories about poo.
  PoopReport is king.
  -- Posted 6.11.02001 by Professor Lump.
  
  
• Pause, and look today...
  What is the color of poo?
  Babyshit yellow.
  -- Posted 6.20.02001 by John.
  
  
• Beans again last night
  ...just floated an air biscuit.
  Now I blame the dog.
  -- Posted 6.20.02001 by John.
  
  
• Walk like a cowboy,
  crooked sneer, like I smell shit.
  Thought it was a fart.
  -- Posted 6.20.02001 by John.
  
  
• Punishing myself
  ass-ramming sex and peppers
  Jalepeno hell.
  -- Posted 6.20.02001 by John.
  
  
• Red toilet paper
  wiping my ass way too hard --
  pulling ass hair out.
  -- Posted 6.29.02001 by P.J.
  
  
• Log jam in the throne.
  Got the plunger, it's no use.
  My poop is clogging.
  -- Posted 6.29.02001 by P.J.
  
  
• Anus gravy drip.
  Spotting my Fruit-O-The-Looms.
  Freckled undies now.
  -- Posted 6.29.02001 by P.J.
  
  
• I like lots of cheese.
  More cheese please, yummy good cheese!
  Haven't pooped for days.
  -- Posted 6.29.02001 by P.J.
  
  
• My sweaty ass crack
  mixed with lingering poo poo.
  Butt butter is made.
  -- Posted 6.29.02001 by P.J.
  
  
• Dogs poo everywhere
  Big doggy poo when you're gone...
  Dog cigar on lawn
  -- Posted 6.29.02001 by Moon Pie.
  
  
• Conical shit spray
  Like Kobra Khan from He-Man
  (1984)
  -- Posted 6.29.02001 by Mandingo.
  
  
• I ate too much corn.
  Surely I will pay for it,
  when shitting kernels.
  -- Posted 6.29.02001 by Skip.
  
  
• Evil poop, you burn!
  My ass aches, shit red with blood.
  Ointment might just help.
  -- Posted 6.29.02001 by Skip.
  
  
• Am I done wiping?
  To fail will humiliate.
  Sell dirty panties.
  -- Posted 6.29.02001 by Debbi.
  
  
• I like to eat poo.
  A delicacy so pure.
  Would you like seconds?
  -- Posted 6.29.02001 by Debbi.
  
  
• Cherry blossoms stink.
  Search engine, help clear the air...
  PoopReport.com!
  -- Posted 7.10.02001 by John.
  
  
• My asshole twitches.
  Hoover Dam for my poo... No!!!!
  The dam has broken.
  -- Posted 7.10.02001 by Debbi.
  
  
• Dog shitting on lawn
  looks over at me to see
  me looking at him.
  -- Posted 7.30.02001 by memorydump.
  
  
• Ate candy all day.
  Now, goosebumps all over me...
  My ass will explode.
  -- Posted 7.30.02001 by Erin.
  
  
• My poop stinks, but yours
  you stole, Republican poops
  ya soil us all.
  -- Posted 7.30.02001 by Poop-lotics.
  
  
• Liquid, brown, dripping.
  I ate something wierd while stoned.
  Recover with bath.
  -- Posted 7.30.02001 by Skunkerooski.
  
  
• Stinky turds fly out,
  toilet water now all brown
  Someone light a match.
  -- Posted 7.30.02001 by Fred.