i think the best haiku won. Without a doubt. I made me cry, it touched me somewhere deep inside...

Dear Dave, dedicated webmaster of Poopreport:
In your e-mail write-up of this haiku contest, you wrote in reference to Prof. Lump's winning haiku, "This haiku, the penultimate example of the art form..."
I would like to point out that your use of the work "penultimate" is completely misplaced, unless you were trying to say his haiku was 'second to last.' So, before you criticize me and my acrimony, please spend an hour or two studying the English language.

Dear William Safire, I mean Colon Bowell: we all make mistakes. Some choose to express their bitterness and humiliation in the form of personal attacks that represent thinly-veiled attempts to try to bring others down to your level. Others simply admit their mistakes, learn something, and move on. Yes, I used the word "penultimate" incorrectly. I admit it, and I've learned from my mistake. I am surprised by your sudden burst of immature name-calling. I suggest you read Professor Lump's haiku once more, then read yours, and try to see the difference.

Ah, Dave...
I am what I am. That is, a resiliantly stubborn war-pig, who must consistently either be entrenched in--or be instigating--some sort of conflict. Since I am no longer the Secretary of Defense, I choose your website as a venue to stir contraversy. Plus, I absolutely love poop. I used to play in it as a child, but now my tastes have matured, and I'm using it as a medium to sculpt with. I actually entered one of my poop-statues in a contest, but got the penultimate prize. So please forgive me if I have insulted you...indeed, I love your website, but I just can't help it--I'm an ornery old hardline capitalist bastard, who happens to dabble in poo. A lot.

Dave,
Thanks for hosting a great contest. Much like the feeling of taking a productive squat, I'm relieved and content with the results. Obviously Professor Lump's heartfelt deposit has captured the angst of more than just a generation. His simply-worded portrayal of an uncomfortable situation common to us all will forever be a mantra in the minds of those who find the distance too far. Albiet argueably plagiaristic, I'd only point out that poo, our common bond and byword, is nothing more than things rearranged and recycled, fermented by our own personal and intestinal twists.
As for Colonel Bowell, I say we erect him (rectum) a fitting statue on the White House lawn, for coming in number two, if Bush's dog hasn't already had his morning walk and seen to it himself.
To keep this short, I'd just like to thank the Academy,all who participated and voted, my wife for her greasy and high vegetable protien content cooking, and all everywhere who heed nature's call with gleeful anticipation, I love you all!! ::blows kisses, waving his fourth place award, a gift certificate to Taco Bell::

Better late than never to give my acceptance speech....
Fellow poopsters it is with great honor and dignity that I accept your nomination as the master of Poo Haiku. From this day forward September 8, 2001 will be a day for us all to remember and reflect on our little brown (and sometimes yellow) friends that we so easily forget about after flushing. They give us tears of joy and agony and sometimes just from the stench. We should allways remember the great sacrifice our little brown friends have given us. So in memory I dedicate my Haiku to all turds past, present and future. I say this from the bottom of my bowels.

-Professor Lump

heres one:
It starts with a "P"
It also ends with a "P"
And inbetween its "oooooo"

Monkeys swing in trees,
I stand watching intently,
Poop flung in my eyes.

An old man sit on railroad tracks dinking sangria
the 5:15 comes rushing by
toot toot, diarreha

i love these haikus!

Surrender to me, treacherous feces burglar, porcelain idol.

Colin Bowell is funny. i like the english language. i am taking elective english so ha!

dave is funny too

Actually, you can use the word penultimate as the literal meaning "last but one." You can therefore say "the penultimate example," indicating the best current example until a new one is found (ie next to last). It is the subtle difference of describing something as ultimate (ie there is nothing better period) and penultimate (ie it is the best I know of).

Therefore, the use of the word was indeed correct, unless you meant the best example period.

Wow. If only I'd heard of this contest many a year ago. 'tis a shame i cannot contribute to this blossoming web society. I have been told I am a master of haiku, good and bad, though i think myself not so grand. anyhow, good day to you and may your bowells prove unirritable for another fortnight. adios