Last week, I went to the doctor for a rectal exam. (Read the story.) During a rectal exam, the doctor sticks his finger up your butt to look for hemorrhoids or other masses that may signify particular health problems.

And while a rectal exam is a serious medical procedure, it's also pretty funny.

So, in honor of the humor of the finger my doctor stuck up my butt, I am pleased to introduce PoopReport's newest contest: come up with funny ways to describe the ordeal I went through. Some examples:

• Dr. K. helped me get to the bottom of my health problems.
• Dr. K. boldly went where no man had gone before.
• He took a starship ride around Uranus -- good thing I wiped out all the Klingons before hand!
• Maybe it was a psychological problem... perhaps I should see an analist.
• Now that I'm healthy, it's time to celebrate! Bottoms up!

The entries:

• Colon bowling.
  -- Posted 4.12.02001 by Colon Bowell.
  
  
• Sphincter spelunking.
  -- Posted 4.12.02001 by Colon Bowell.
  
  
• Lingering fingering.
  -- Posted 4.12.02001 by Pat.
  
  
• Getting digits.
  -- Posted 4.12.02001 by Pat.
  
  
• Stepping into the ring.
  -- Posted 4.12.02001 by Pat.
  
  
• Driving the wrong way down a one-way street. (But the doctor has medical plates, so it's legal.)
  -- Posted 4.12.02001 by Pat.
  
  
• The doctor said: "Well, Dave, I'm not a dentist, but I am going to fill your cavity..."
  -- Posted 4.12.02001 by Colon Bowell.
  
  
• Disrobing for a probing.
  -- Posted 4.12.02001 by Colon Bowell.
  
  
• The digital revolution.
  -- Posted 4.12.02001 by Colon Bowell.
  
  
• Undressing for a pressing.
  -- Posted 4.12.02001 by Matt S.
  
  
• Poking the chocolate starfish in the eye.
  -- Posted 4.12.02001 by Matt S.
  
  
• Reverse cannibalism.
  -- Posted 4.12.02001 by Colon Bowell.
  
  
• Trolling for stinkfish.
  -- Posted 4.12.02001 by Colon Bowell.
  
  
• Sinking the stinky pinky.
  -- Posted 4.12.02001 by Colon Bowell.
  
  
• Charging your cruddy card.
  -- Posted 4.12.02001 by Buzzeo.
  
  
• Looking for lumps in all the wrong places.
  -- Posted 4.12.02001 by Buzzeo.
  
  
• Feeling arizona.
  -- Posted 4.12.02001 by Buzzeo.
  
  
• Digging for fire.
  -- Posted 4.12.02001 by Buzzeo.
  
  
• Bowelliards (aka, the 8-ball break).
  -- Posted 4.12.02001 by Buzzeo.
  
  
• Top secret intestigation.
  -- Posted 4.12.02001 by Buzzeo.
  
  
• And I thought I became a man at my Bar Mitzvah...
  -- Posted 4.16.02001 by Scott.
  
  
• Pinching the loaf within.
  -- Posted 4.19.02001 by TBklyn.
  
  
• Stretching the balloon knot.
  -- Posted 4.23.02001 by Knigel.
  
  
• The Big Dig.
  -- Posted 4.23.02001 by Knigel.
  
  
• Journey to the Center of the Earth.
  -- Posted 4.23.02001 by Knigel.
  
  
• Looking for Roger Clemens.
  -- Posted 4.23.02001 by Knigel.
  
  
• Going up the Hershey Highway.
  -- Posted 4.23.02001 by HarleyClown.
  
  
• Wine him, dine him, forty-nine him.
  -- Posted 4.30.02001 by Gabe.
  
  
• Backdoor browsing.
  -- Posted 4.30.02001 by Rubella.
  
  
• Let's play "Hide the Index Finger."
  -- Posted 5.17.02001 by Matt.
  
  
• And don't it make my brown eye blue!
  -- Posted 5.17.02001 by Kathryn.
  
  
• The Pokemon shuffle.
  -- Posted 5.29.02001 by P.J.
  
  
• Crack Investigator.
  -- Posted 5.29.02001 by an anonymous coward
  
  
• Having a Lunar (moon) Probe.
  -- Posted 11.27.02001 by K. Mishan
  
  
• Having a Dennis Rodman Moment.
  -- Posted 11.27.02001 by K. Mishan
  
  
• Internal Audit.
  -- Posted 11.27.02001 by K. Mishan
  
  
• A Prison "Howdy".
  -- Posted 11.27.02001 by K. Mishan
  
  
• Just Touching Pinkies.
  -- Posted 11.27.02001 by K. Mishan
  
  
• Up the Down Staircase.
  -- Posted 11.27.02001 by K. Mishan
  
  
• Guess what I have in my other hand?
  -- Posted 11.27.02001 by K. Mishan