I still vote that we get Mr. Shoff to comment on this!
_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

I think PD's first one was most original. Though the other ones were doubtless pretty funny, I'm going to have to call 'cliche' on the corn bits. *votes*

Thanks for the compliment, Dave! Actually, since my poem's not in the running, I can really enjoy watching the voting now.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Daphne, it was truely an epic. It took me three er..sittings to get through it.

These entries are good but they are all disqualified. According to Dave's original instructions, the limerick is to begin with a specific phrase:

This has all the makings of a great limerick. I offer the first line and a challenge to PoopReport's limericists:

"There once was an Iowan named Shoff..."

Go to it!

http://www.poopreport.com/Contests/limericks_about_shoff.html

Sorry. You all lose. Dave, go back and pick the good ones that followed the rules.

I am biased. I always vote for Logjam.

_______
Beware the shitticane. Election, 2008.

Ya know- DungDaddy is right. I'm going to hold out on voting on this one too just to be a stickler for the rules. Call me a prick, but only 2 of them come close to following the original format.

_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Just for shits and giggles I looked up the word "offer". Some of the definitions included the words "propose", "suggest", "to try to begin", "to make available". The words "must" and "have to" never came up. If his name had been Robert Orange, we'd have all been fucked.

Daphne, epic indeed, and worthy of comment despite form.

There was a young lady named Daph'
Who thought sh'ed make a poop gaff.
She wrote out a ditty,
athlough the form was quite shitty,
she didn't half make us all laugh

_______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

BVC, nice limerick, but that last line should read "half make didn't she all us laugh".

PD, F1-11!! Is that some sort of 'Americanism'? The original reads fine in the UK, (apart from the type-o)_______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

To quote another Americanism, I was breaking your balls.

DungDaddy: normally I'd be just as much a stickler as you. However, if you carefully read the original post, you'll note that *Logjam* was the one who proposed this contest -- and that he is among those who tossed the rules out the window. Since he who makes the rules has the power to negate the rules, I do hereby declare, as is my authority in Section 2 Verse 2 of the PoopReport Constitution, in keeping with the spirit of PoopReport Congressional Resolution TP UP2, that the finalists for this contest shall remain as chosen.

Spoken like a true statesman. I hereby appoint you ambassador of Turdistan.

OK. I don't agree with you, but you are the man.

I have to say, though that laming me for pointing that the rules had been breached, was pathetic. Wormlike.

PD, duh! balls well and truly busted. As a point of 'across the pondage' is it not 'Americanizm', or am I talking crap?

_______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

I have yet to unleash the powers bestowed me by Dave for good or evil, but I would like to unlame DD.

BVC, s or z are both ok by me. Just don't be running any of those kippers or bangers by my nose.

I would quite happily mail you some kippers if you'd like. I eat them at least twice a week, Deeeelish! Also, they appear to have no adverse effect on ones ability to dam bust the porcelain. 'What ho chaps!'

_______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

Have been to the UK, and seen, smelled and tasted kippers. They remind me of something. I can't put my finger on it right now. Save the postage BVC, thanks anyway.

Batter Up.

Actually, I'm glad Dave didn't make us all write limericks with that one sentence to qualify for the contest. There are only so many words that rhyme with Schoff. And if each limerick would have to have 2 words rhyming with Schoff in it, they'd most likely all end up sounding the same, using the same words. This way we got to read more variations.

I still haven't voted yet. Maybe I'll hold out for who lobbies the most.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Daph. You make very good points. Loved your 6 (count 'em) sentences. Hope you know how special we all think you are.

Brown nose.

We can't all get by on merit alone, dog dick.

Wow. I haven't voted yet either, and I never vote for myself (he says, bent over lips puckered)

That, PD, sounds like a position designed to earn a vote for CEP.

Poonanza (37) -- 03.23.2008
I think PD's first one was most original. Though the other ones were doubtless pretty funny, I'm going to have to call 'cliche' on the corn bits. *votes*

As a corn bit offender, let me just say that it's 'cliche' because it's almost freaking impossible to rhyme 'peanut' in the context of a limerick.

Last time I checked he was bent over also. It wasn't pretty.

In Shoff limericks, corn is now so cliché
you’d think it’s in shit everyday.
But look careful, you’ll find that,
it’s the husk of the peanut
that rounds out the toilet soufflé.

I salute you sir (while still bending....bad back). My vote is yours.

Prarie. In 5th grade, I ran for a school office (Grounds Commissioner). I campaigned, made posters, gave a speech... When it came time to mark my ballot, I just couldn't bring myself to vote for me. I voted for a girl I thought was cute. She won. Beat me by one vote. Since then, I've never had a problem voting for myself. (I still usually always lose anyway).

I guess you're right. #6 limerick is looking quite pathetic. Maybe I'll throw it one.

Throw it four. How do you think CEPs got more than one vote?

I try to be honest in everything but taxes. Oh, shit I didn't say that.

Corn powered cars, busses and ships,
Corn pudding, corn dogs and even corn chips.
It's found everywhere,
Even in Shoffy's hair.
So whats wrong with corn in our shits.

"It's cliche!" our Poonanza roared.
"All this talk about corn's got me bored!"
The veggie he sees
Is usually peas,
the one that his colon has stored.

Gack. How many times am I going to have to edit that to get it right.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I just realized to my horror that we can't be stopped. Help.

PD, welcome to Gilligan's Island.

The limerick was made for this site.
Its cadence brings poopers delight.
So while we all moan and grunt
to drop the next Allen Funt,
give the poet in us the green light.

Where's Ginger?

I've got your Ginger right here.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

In her tent. She'd love to see you. At 70+ she just can't get enough visitors. (Oops, daphne's post beat me. So, yeah, now daphne's got her. Anyway, don't be shy.)

And Mary Ann was busted for possession.
No wonder her coconut cream pies were popular!

_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Oh well how about Mrs. Howell?

I'll pass on the geritol martinis. ;)
_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

When is the voting going to be over? And can I get a bumper sticker out of this for honorable mention?

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

If you do, can I put it on your bumper?

Dammit, I forgot about this. I need an intern.

I hear Teddy's looking for a job.

Bilge has proved he can act on his own initiative. Reward him by giving him more responsibility.

No thanks.

And look how polite he is, with the "thanks" and all.

I got all my manners learnin' from you, my friend, thanks and stuff.

Manners. Good idea. Dave, may I Please have a bumper sticker for honorable mention?

Thanks.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I vote Prarie for finalist #1 and prarie for #2 and robocrap13 for #3. Someone please tell me how to find the new Poopreports right when they come out hot off the press. I like the current and ancient and all. For a month I have been looking? Please tell me. It takes me all day looking for you too! BTW what does the red asteric mean in the recent posts?

Sittingpretty. So, you want to read stuff the day it comes out? We don't usually tell new folks how to do this. That way the few of us who know the secret get the jump on making off-the-wall comments and derailing the thread long before most people ever stumble on the story. But since you asked, and you seem like a very nice person ... On the home page, right at the top, see "New Crap." The newest story is right at the top of that list, the second newest right below it, and so on. Now, please keep this to yourself. (And to find the home page quickly, click on the PoopReport, corn-studded logo on the upper left of any page).

Oh by the way Sittingpretty, That isn't an asteric. It is a picture I took of my starfish after entering a habenero eating competition while on vacation in Tijuana. Dave liked it so much that he randomly prints it about the site.

Wow, if I was any good at poetry, I could lampoon myself in Limerick form.

I can fix your trucks, though...*shrugs*

PD, you tease!

_______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

Thank you, Logjam. You are kind to me. I'm going to it right now. And pdog, that is funny. Only you would see the asteric as your starfish. I love it! Except that I still don't know the real reason for the red starfish next to a story on the recent posts.

Finally, this contest is closed. Finally, we have a winner! PD: tell the world what shit you want.

SHIRT. Shirt you want. Shirt.

Dave, thank you and all who voted for me. I would like to donate, auction, or somehow use my good fortune to raise some money for the girls school in India. I will start out with $100 from myself. Please anybody, if you have a good idea for this let me know.

Logjam's got my vote--great limerick.

Er--that vote was just a, you know, post hoctor proc addendum.
As it were.

or even, as it was.

_______

whats that smell?

congrats, PD! you awesome limerick writer, you.

and sittingpretty, near as i can tell, that asterisk is assigned to stories which you have not read yet.
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i love poop.

I checked my email at daphneszoo.com 2 days ago, and one of the firefighters had written to me saying he'd judge the contest. I wish I'd have seen it sooner.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Daph -- it's not too late. Send them the finalists just to see what they say.

Okee. I saved his address, and I'll send along a note tomorrow with the attachment.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

___I always seem to be a day late when there is free shit to be had... but after reading about this guys plight I couldn't resist this late entry...

There once was a man named Bob Shoff...
His wife’s protracted turds fell in the trough.
Bob tried to cajole…
from deep in the bowl
“Bitch, you gotta start pinching em off”!!

____

Ummm.... it may take some time to get back into the PR groove!!

Peace...

G Ras

___I always seem to be a day late when there is free shit to be had... but after reading about this guys plight I couldn't resist this late entry...

There once was a man named Bob Shoff...
His wife’s protracted turds fell in the trough.
Bob tried to cajole…
from deep in the bowl
“Bitch, you gotta start pinching em off”!!

____

Peace...

G Ras

_____see what I mean?__
Peace...

G Ras

___How do I stop this thing?
Help Mr Wizard... I don't want to learn how to use a computer anymore!____
Peace...

G Ras

Congratulations, PD! And welcome back, G Ras. Hope you stick around for a while so I can get to know you.

_______
Born right the first time.