This one is easy. It works for machinery when one bleeds off excess pressure in hydraulic lines and such. Why shouldn't we humans take advantage of it too? It's a perfectly valid technique to earn a little extra time when there isn't a restroom available. Sure there's a little risk involved, but the potential rewards justify taking the chance.

But quite often when you are holding in a loaf it is because you are in public. Pre-dump farts smell terrible. They smell heavy.

Farts are turd propellant. I prefer to save them up to help push out the dookie. Relieving pressure just means I'm going to have to push that much harder later on.

How many stories have we read that say, "I tried to fart to relieve the pressure. Big mistake."?

It seems that if your goal is to create an entertaining story for PoopReport.com, then by all means fart to relieve the pressure. But if your goal is to not shit yourself, then maybe you should hold it on. Our sphincters are not to be trusted.

I'm with Ty on this one. When you've got a poop on deck, you should never trust your ass to a fart with the intention of "relieving the pressure." This only speeds up the release. That fart pressure may be the only thing holding that turd behind the doorway of your clenched ass. Once that buffer is lost, the poo begins its bum rush towards the exit. Not safe unless you are within steps of a toilet.

3Ply: Ha, ha "bum rush"

Your choice of whether you are going to let off steam or not depends completely on the following:
A) Your trust in your sphincter
B) What you ate the day before
C) Your level of risk
and
D) Your environment

I like the idea of farts as turd propellant. I'm going to keep that one in mind.

Everytime I fart around my wife she tells me to go take a shit.
With her, as soon as she feels any intestinal pressure she has to shit.

I can fart for hours and not have to shit.

I am excellent at judging if it's gas or a solid, I rarely have accidents.

Q: What does it mean when you are alone at work and suddenly, you have to fart real bad?
A: Someones Coming!

I used to be in the "relieve the pressure" camp, and would often open the valve if the facilities were not handy, to give me a bit more time. I don't ever recall having a large problem with an ass-jailbreak.

However, after lurking here for many months and reading some of the pitfalls of the poop reporters here, I'm now solidly in the camp of "don't risk it".

The reasons? (a) too many tales of farts gone awry have put a fear in me and, (b) I'm getting older (36) now and am concerned that my sphincter is no longer able to make the split-second divination between liquid and solid that it could when I was a young pup. Better safe--and bloated--than shitty and sorry.

I've had way too many diarhea farts in the past. I just hold it in until I find a toilet.

It's a tough call. It is a case-by-case situation. I'm with doniker in that I am pretty accurate with what kinda fart it is going to be. If my tummy is burbling, I usually hold it in for fear of a leak. If i'm feeling bloated without volcanic signals, I can let a few eeps go without jeopardizing a satisfactory poo later on.

Don't releive any subsuquent pressure if you have the runs. There is a small chance you can get by dropping something out of the bog or smelling like it is low tide, doing this could be very dangerous enough where you could ignite your ass on fire.

You all must have much, much more control than me. If I have to fart, it's going to come out, and if I have to poop, I better get to where I can find porcelain shelter.
I feel like such an amateur.
I think farting to relieve pressure is subjective to the soul who owns the hole. Let's face it, some of us can run with the big logs, and some of us have to stay on the porch.

If you exercise your sphincter -- like Kegel exercises except with your anus -- you can build up strength to allow farts to escape while preventing poop seepage. It works for normal poop to light diarrhea. For the real explosive emergency diarrhea situations, I don't think anything will help. That's just Destiny.

Have you no sphincter control? Honestly, I have vented for years without a single leakage incident. Well, there was that one time when I had to ditch the drawers and go L.A. right before a Board meeting after I forced a weep while taking a leak, but I had been sick a few days before that. Then there was that time when I was wearing white shorts and we were at a party...

I think it is a good idea. My grandmother told me " Let it out and be ashamed rather than hold it in and burst a vein." But I have a friend that says she never farts. I don't believe her.

Farting is fun, especially in crowded elevators and quiet gourmet restaurants. I just don't do it when I know there's poo involved.

Nat, my Grandmother's quote was: "let it out and bear the shame or hold it in and bear the pain." I say LET IT OUT. I thoroughly enjoy farting. It makes me smile, whether home alone or trying to cut a clandestine stinker at work or in public. Since having had major bowel surgery one month ago, I have unbelievable bouts of noisy, rip-roaring gas, and I have no choice but to let 'em rip! It's a lot easier at home than it is in public, but no one ever turns and stares or even pretends to hear the noise (except my husband and the dogs, and they don't seem to care, thankfully).

Well. let me tell you a story about unconcious farts. I was sitting in class one day, falling asleep like i usualy do when the most particular thing happened to me. the night befor i gorged myself with beens an cheese. i know, bad idea! but it was yummy. anyhow, the class was watching a video and it was dead siglent. My body (abdomen mostly) jolted to prevent falling asleep. well, i must say, that was THE loudest fart i ever produced. the moral of the story is. I didn't shit myself. although some would say i did.

When, in the course of anal events, it becomes necessary to expunge an amount of pressure without jeopardizing the delicate balance between clean drawers and laundry change, one must exercise ultimate control and visualize the interior to determine where the build-up of gas vs. physical matter might be located.

Perhaps by shaking around (even in a subtle fashion, as in public), one could accurately displace the turd/gas ratio in a more favorable configuration. On the other hand, such a violent shaking motion could act like a beer can, whereupon the fortress-like rigidity of your sphincter might become less fortress-like, necessitating the aforementioned laundry change.

Plumb smug, I know what you mean. In the gym where I work out (usually on a stationary bike) I often find myself needing to fart. My bike is right near a water fountain. I swear, every single time as soon as I cut the cheese, that's when someone needs to come over for a drink of water. If I'm all alone and let loose, two seconds later there's someone coming into the gym and they gotta have water first. It's the weirdest damn thing. The other day I was working out, though, and had some luck. Two other folks on treadmills, each wearing headphones. I could fart as loud as I wanted, they never heard, and they never came over for a drink!

Shit Volcano, I too enjoy farting in elevators. I like ripping them off in empty ones, though, just before I get off so the next person will have to deal with them.

Once, back in college I dropped a particularly stinky bomb in an empty elevator. After I got out, and was walking away some sorority chicks (the kind of stuck-up bints that would never talk to me) came round the corner and pushed the elevator button. They were yakking about going to the library which was one floor up. I quickly sprinted up the stairs, and got to see them when they emerged. Their faces were green and they were gasping for breath and retching. It was a great moment.

I useually rip a few to relieve pressure, but sometimes, after 3 or 4, I get a blast of liquid crap, and need to penguin walk to the crapper.

My Husband farts his off, while I hold until the bathroom. But I do say his fumes are awful. He once gagged a shelty (minature Lassie dog) but his smelly farts has it's advantages, he often farts and clears an room. One time he got us an entire area of a Rock concert only the bartender was left and he couldn't leave. So it was like going first class in a bubble of gas.

I think my dog, Gator X, American Bulldog extroidonnairre, is one of those guys who farts to relieve pressure.
In case you all didn't know, these breeds can fart deadly things, smells of long-dead roadkill or rotten potatoes. Then, he looks at his butt, like "Did you do that?" I guess his butt is a separate entity unto itself in his mind, and then I will have to take him out to poop.
Maybe it's just a guy thing.
Once he farted so bad he made himself leave the room, and I feed him Nutro, one of the best dog foods on the market. Imagine if I fed him junk.
SO, I don't fart to relieve pressure, I just go take a dumpy, but my dog does. It's a split vote.

Sometimes farting to release the pressure will buy you a few miniutes,however not recommended. Never do this if you're stuck in traffic and you still have 20 miles to go.Tried it, shit my pants.The long drive home got longer, my friends almost vomited several times as the stench was unbearable.Never eat greasy boardwalk food and leave without dumping.

Clearly there are advantages to a little "outgassing". Hell even the Sun lets off a flare now and then, but come to think of it the Sun's shit kills satellites in orbit. So much care needs to be taken before even the dantiest poot.

My theory has always been the historical data on recent fecal downloads. If the last three were solid downloads then bleeding off some pressure should be safe.

However, if you've experienced anything less than a good solid sphincter stretcher take heed. Its right there behind the brown eye waiting for you to wink so it can squirt out.

Daphne, your dog and mine should have a farting contest and see whose stench is deadlier. My dog's farts often smell of rotten eggs, canned cat food, or overcooked broccoli. Sometimes they smell like sewage sludge. Of course none are as bad as my dad's medicine farts which can literally cause vomiting on one whiff.
Like your dog he (my dog, not my dad) looks at his ass in wonder.

Farts are fun when there is not imminent danger. If you have eaten a meal that lends itself to gastric possibilities, having methane moments are amusing. But when the combination of gas is present with solid or liquid, it is better to relieve all at once in a bathroom.

I learned how to do 3 things will in the military:
Curse, drink, and FART. You've heard the phrase "I'd rather hear a fat boy fart than a pretty girl sing?" Farting with a load aboard requires expert-level sphincter control. Those of you who have not mastered this are liable to end up with what I would describe as a "Blotchit" in one's undergarments. The sound of that word is self-explanatory. Also, getting a fart around an industrial-sized load of fecal matter without making a mess yields radioactive odor. "Speak to me, oh toothless wonder!!" More later.

JB, if you were in motion, how would you let out a pre-poop fart without shitting your pants? I need 100% concentration in order to do it correctly. Any excessive motion or noise makes this a far more dangerous task.

Ah, the challenge of relieving one's gas on a bumpy road!

think about the billions of microscopic poop particals that go sailing through the air evry time you fart.. oh yea yesterday i went to fart and shit my pants

The day I shit myself...is the day i quit sport farting!!

"If it isn't paying rent, get rid of it" is a famous quote often spoken by my friend. However, many times, while shopping, we must drop everything so he can give #1 priority to #2. Of course, sometimes, a silent stinker can create groans of misery from unknowing shoppers who walk into an invisible cloud.

PS Here's a theory: Farts are just microscopic poop particles!

Shopping is a good place to fart as long as you aren't "armed" at the time. In Wal-Mart I always fart in a vacant aisle and leave just as some old lady is walking in. Then I peek through the shelf to watch her reaction.

well my ass has a mind of its own i'm not gonna risk a shart (when u try and fart but shit comes out)

Baaaad idea. My husband and I are to the point where each other's farts provide major comic (as well as gastrointestinal) relief - but some things are just too disgusting even for the most loving, commmitted relationships. On the eve of my wedding (a couple days ago), Alex and I were lounging in bed, watching a video. Normally, we try to make our farts as hilariously loud and obnoxious as possible, so I loaded my gaseous bullet into the chamber and prepared to elicit a hearty laugh from my partner. I squeezed - and splatted. Alex's face contorted in disgust. Christ. I won't go into the rest.

Elizabeth: Despite that abysmal back luck on your wedding night, isn't it a wonderful feeling to make your significant other crack up from your farts? That's some true trust and love... or twisted affection. My boyfriend and I have fart and belch competitions all the time, and have to discuss every BM.

I noticed if you release too much gas you can run out of pooping fuel. When the train won't leave the station theres only one thing you can do....go in manually.

Farts are the retro rockets that add a little something to speed our poop along, but I don't believe it's necessary. The natural contractions of the bowel are adequate to do the job without fart power. Not all poops are farty.

I am staunchly in favor of farting to relieve pressure, if only in the interest of one's own comfort, knowing it's just not time to go yet. These things take time. But I do NOT advocate foolhardy and dangerous attempts to "buy time". If we were meant to hold our gack until the last possible second, the good lord would have built us with colon snorkels running up our backs to relieve excess gas. Eat right, get regular, and plan ahead if you can.

Farts come and go with me and don't neccessarily mean I got a movement on the way. I drink a ton of pop everyday (diet and regular) and thus I always have excess gas in my system. When I have to use the crapper, I go use the crapper immediately, public or private. I'm rarely in situations in which I can't go take a dump, so farting to relieve pressure is kind of a non-issue.

Farting when you have that unmistakable urge to dump yer guts is quite effective as far as buying time goes(as well as standing up) but pre-dump farts really do reek! So, it goes without saying, be aware of your surroundings before you risk a sh-art!!!

I've learned not to trust my sphincter. Recently I experienced stomache sickness while flying on a transpacific flight. Because of the urge to puke, I made my way to the tiny airplane toilet. While inside I felt the need to fart to relieve pressure -- all this while fighting the urge to puke into the sink. Unfortunately the fart was just the precursor to me finding out that I must of had food poisoning as a small gush of 'lumpy sludge' jettisoned out of my butt before I could react. Suffice to say, it REALLY sucks trying to wash your stained underwear in an airplane toilet and THEN having to wear the wet underwear for the duration of the (long) flight. I no one tried to use the wash basin filled with water after I washed my undies in them...that would be really..err...shitty. ;-)

As I type my post, I am releasing a slow stream of deadly stink. It is seeping into the air, engulfing the inside of my cubicle like a heavy mist settles into a bog at night.

Soon, it will seep through the cracks, under the folding screen that shields my doorway from the prying eyes of passersby... Will it be enough to shield their noses from the onslaught?

The release brings me blessed relief. I'll be able to postpone taking a dump for hours, thanks to my willing sphincter, acting as a pressure relief valve.

A 'wet fart' takes an incredible time to wipe. Maybe because it usually happens when you are standing up.

From The Merck Manual-a popularreference book for medical professionals-
The following piece appeared in the Gastrointestinal section of past editions of The Merck Manual, and is being reprinted here because of reader demand.

Flatulence, which can cause great psychosocial distress, is unofficially described according to its salient characteristics: (1) the "slider" (crowded elevator type), which is released slowly and noiselessly, sometimes with devastating effect; (2) the open sphincter, or "pooh" type, which is said to be of higher temperature and more aromatic; (3) the staccato or drumbeat type, pleasantly passed in privacy; and (4) the "bark" type (described in a personal communication) is characterized by a sharp exclamatory eruption that effectively interrupts (and often concludes) conversation. Aromaticity is not a prominent feature. Rarely, this usually distressing symptom has been turned to advantage, as with a Frenchman referred to as "Le Petomane," who became affluent as an effluent performer who played tunes with the gas from his rectum on the Moulin Rouge stage.

Now you can talk medical with your Dr. about farting.

A story I heard on the radio mentioned farting. Apparently a husband and wife shop together for groceries. The husband is host to some rancid gas and has been known to nauseate people with his release. While walking down the grocery store meat aisle, husband breaks off an S.B.D. fart. The wife is checking out a shoulder roast and smells the flautlent fog. She recognizes the odor. But by the time the odor spreads, other customers are putting back any meat thinking the product is rancid.

I am a fart exhibitionist around the house. My gf hates it but serves to push me on. One day, after a nice hot shower I felt some nice pressure building by my back door. I thought with my nice wet ass checks I could produce a wonderfully loud and crisp rip. I danced out into the livingroom (naked)where my gf was quietly reading a book. With great zest I leapt into the air and attemted a contortion that would make a gymnist blush. At the apex of my leap, I let er rip hoping to gain som extra altitude and complete my 360......OH OH........that was more than the perfume of gods exiting my ass. Needless to say, 2 jars of oxi-clean later our carpet is still not what it use to be, and a potted tree now marks the sceen of the crime.

As long as you haven't eaten anything from taco truck recently, I say let 'er rip!

(Sorry i'm french)
I think farting to relieve pressure is a dangerous game.
It gives you the "illusion" you are going to gain time but in fact, you won't.
I remember one day,
I had eaten a huge lot of corn the day before, and i was driving a long run in my little two seater CRX with my girlfriend.
I had to take a shit since about one hour and i decided to let a little of the pressure out.
Bad idea,
It sounded like a machine gun, and my underwares were filled with a disgusting soup-a-like shit.
When finally I took a look in my pants at a rest area, I made to my self the promess that I would never do it again:
not only the little car smelled horrible, but the soup in my pants was liquid shit mixed with corn pieces....

farting to relieve pressure...if pooey comes out, it is known as "the fart that lied"

One time I was on a double date with my roommate. The guys had kiddnapped us and taken us to Houston to see the Galleria, play putput golf, eat, and watch Texas Chainsaw massicure at midnight. I know I had to poop - but it just seemed like normal pressure. It was pretty cold out side, and the bathroom was tiny! It has two stalls, one normal and one handicapped, but the were on a corner with eachother. That was basically all that fit in the room. However, girls will be girls - and we all cramed inside to avoid the freezing air. So - I get into the normally stall. There is about 5 hispanic girls stangin outside the stall with my roommate who is waiting on me. The girls are all talking spanish, so it got pretty loud and I felt confortable pooping - even if it made some noise. Suddenly... a pre-poop fart. I mean - it sounded like I had diareahed but the only thing that came out was a very small brown mucus like.. thing. This had never happened to me before so I said "Oh my God" because I was so embarrased. Well - the girls had stopped talking when I farted so the oh my god was pretty auidable, and all the sudden I head 6 people burst out laughing. Lets just say - I quickly pulled up my pants and left.

Laura, terrible story. I had to shit, I though I had to shit, I farted, I gave birth to a disgusting brown film? What??? Did this even happen?? I don't get it.

Is this funny in Mexico?

The best way to relieve gas pressure without releasing your load is to stick a drinking straw up your ass. Put your finger on the end, except for a little bit, and nothing unwanted comes out.

For extra laughs, stick the other end of the straw into some Tupperware and close it real fast when the fart is over. Then put it in the refrigerator and see who goes for it.

I have had fairly "normal experiences while farting. Being just over 40, I sometimes have to be careful when trying to relieve the pressure. Being in a job that requires me to hold off pooping for great lengths of time, I've become expert at the "pressure relief" style of farting. It has failed me only on two occasions.

The first was when I was 15. I was lying on the couch in just my undies. I was watching TV, and I had just gotten over a bout of queasiness from the disgustingly greasy dinner I'd eaten the night before. I felt the need to relieve pressure, and did so.

You can guess where this is going, can't you?

I ran to the bathroom, and later had to dash naked to my room to find another set of shorts, having utterly filled and destroyed the first set and deposited them in our bathroom's garbage can.

The second instance didn't involve a release of poop, but rather a louder-than-normal pressure relief. I was at a library, using the computer, and the previous night I had ingested some delicious home-made chili. I felt a huge gas-ball making it's presence known. Since I'd been sitting for a while, I used that as an excuse to get up and strech. I made my way to the men's room, entered the stall, dropped trou, and sat down. The enormous ass-blast that instantly erupted from my backside was so loud, it actually ECHOED in the tiled men's room. That was all...no poop, nothing else, just one 747-sized-and-noised fart. When I walked back out of the bathroom, a group of students at a table nearby looked up at me in unison with a collective expression like I'd just publicly burned the Constitution. I went back to my computer carrell and continued my session, relieved but embarassed.

this site is crackin me up. man, too funny. good stuff.

YOU GUYS ARE HILARIOUS! WHO KNEW THAT SHITTIN YOUR PANTS COULD BE SO FUNNY! DISGUSTING BUT FUNNY!!!!!!

Shit Volcano, are you serious about sticking a drinking straw up your ass and funneling your fart into a tupperware container and then putting it into a fridge?? Damn, man! That shit ain't gonna fly with me! As far as farting goes, I'm with doniker on this one - I can almost always judge a liquid from a gas. For less competent judges of fart content, however, err on the side of caution - if you're at home in old underwear, it's one thing, but if you're in an Armani suit or something like that, that's something else....................

I think each individual is different. It will work for some and not others, no blanket statement for the release of gas will cover all of skid row.

Im diabetic and between glucophage, glucotrol XR, and Avandia everything I eat causes massive gas. The Dr put me on Precose (slows starches and sugars from being digested) and now I cant even go into a church without being embarassed. My kids have taken to judging how much I ate by the rank smell and sheer volume of gas I produce. My son just starts to laugh and my daughter just kinds chuckles and then both rate it from 1-10.

If I'm at work I'll hold it loosely and in a couple seconds it'll quietly drain--if that fails, off to the pot.

At home or in a crowd of strangers, I poot it out very slowly and try to set a record for length since going for volume as I'd do with other farts would be too dangerous.

Except in bed, that is--I have this tendency to way underestimate my strength when half-asleep, and have wound up forcing a perfectly harmless gasball hard enough to launch high-velocity poojectiles at the sheets. So, nice as it would be to fart my way out of a weary late-night bathroom trip--I don't dare.

My mother tried farting to relieve pressure after a good gourmet meal on Mount Hood. She ended up shitting the bed. Be careful, people. Unless you happen to be carrying around a change in undies.

one time i had just eaten a big chinese dinner and felt what i thought was a gas bubble but when i let it out, a huge blast of explosive diarrhea slammed into my white capris.

You should always keep an extra pair of undies in your desk at work, for days something leaks out of a fart.

Mr. Volcano, could that possibly be why there hasn't been much powder there this season? :)

anytime i need to release gas, i just go sit on the toilet, and then let everything rip loud.that is so much better than holding it in. i also fart alot when i sit to urinate. i am embarassed though, so i do that alwasys in private.. infact, i have to do it right now...

In most instances, it is safe to relieve the pressure...
However, I will give an example of when it is not-

It was May, 2003- I was in the city of Al-Kut, Iraq. It was midnight, and I was on watch with another Marine. The night prior, our company ate at the hotel next to where we had established camp- Iraqi food- kebabs and roasted chicken and rice. It wasn't bad, considering we've been eating MREs for a month straight... but I didn't know the consequences it would unleash. I felt a huge buildup of pressure in my stomach, and, as I always have, attempted a fart... it came out clean. Then, a minute later, another pressure buildup.. so, I let er rip... bad idea! A huge splat was heard and I felt my boxer-briefs fill up with a disgusting liquid-brown sludge (which was the beginning of a 2 week bout of dysentery). Now, still being on duty, I couldn't very well take off my boots and trousers- and dig through my pack and find clean clothes- so I had to drop trou- whip out my bayonet, and cut the offending shit covered underwear off.. this was made all the more traumatic when the other Marine called my name, I looked up, and he got a picture of me with my pant s around my ankles, cutting off my underwear with a large knife, and me looking into the camera with bewilderment. I never, EVER lived that down!

Confusus Say:

Man who Farts in Church sits in his own Pew.

Did you ever rip ass and think you crapped your pants, so you waddled to the crapper to check and find nothing? Then you re-trace your steps cause you were wearing boxers and still find nothing?

Never, ever, fart after drinking beer and eating White Castle hamburgers (Chicago) You will crap your drawers.

My user name is the appropriate term for pre-dump farts. I've always noticed a distinct difference in intensity and maliciousness between log gas and your run of the mill "non-log derived swamp ass," as my friend likes to call it. I don't know how anyone can keep log gas pent up. There's so much of it that I would float away to the moon if I held it in. All potential risks aside, it's gotta come out. You can obviate the potential consequences by knowing how to control your anus. If you're careful, you won't have any shit pants. And if you're especially careful, you can get away with releiving log gas in public.

i once met a girl from carolina,
she sometimes would fart with her vagina,
one time she did fart,
she couldn't stop after the start,
so she sounded and smelled like a hyena.

Where is Elliott Butters when you need him?

"Butters! Where's that semen sample!"

South Park dements me nightly.

i love to fart, its so much fun, if i gotta go i just do it, i keep it in as long as i can so that its the loudest smelliest one in the room. best to do it in a closed space, like an elevator. i did one just there now

if you dont fart, will something bad happen to you? my gf thinks that alot of shit will happen if she doesnt. I told her that shes wrong and you can do whatever you want, but she should just hold it because she has very unattractive farts. hah

If she holds her farts in too long, they could back up, and when you go to kiss her, she might fart out of her mouth and into YOUR mouth. Better to let her fart out the natural exit as necessary!

All I can say with regards to this subject is BE VERY CAREFUL.

I've had a few unfortunate incidents where, what originally had been intended as an innocent fart to relieve pressure, has turned into something much more sinister...

Everyone is familiar with the short, silent release of wind when you think it's safe (and when you're sure this one isn't going to smell), then all of a sudden, without warning, a colleague appars from nowhere and insists on standing close to you and looking into your eyes whilst telling you something or asking you to do something. You agree with everything they say, they could be asking you to go and jump off a cliff and you'd say yes just so they would be satisfied with your answer and leave you in peace, but they remain. Then the smell hits the both of you at the same time, you lower your eyes and avoid eye contact with your colleague whilst pretending you can't smell it and you certainly were not responsible, despite that fact that it couldn't have been anyone else as there's no-one else in the vicinty. Your colleague's voice wavers, they lose track of what they were talking about and in extreme conditions, they begin to stutter. Your face becomes hotter and all you can think about is when they will walk away. In a desperate attempt to lose the smell and confuse your colleague's nose, you walk away whilst still pretending to listen to them, hoping they'll follow you. And they do. But by that time it's too late. The smell has firmly attached itself to your underpants and the cloud follows you too. Oh well, they shouldn't be invading people's personal space like that in the first place.

But the most disturbing occurrence happened to me when I was sitting on a comfy chair in my house with my feet curled up and my knees held into my chest. I can't remember if I was ill or just plain lazy. I was naked. I farted. About 3 seconds later the stench hit me about the same time that I could feel something warm on my foot. I looked down and I'd only gone and shat all over the chair. I ran to the toilet in dismay and did what I should have gone to the toilet to do in the first place before shitting the chair. Once I'd cleaned myself up, I had to clean up the cushion. Luckily, my 3-piece suite is an old 70's retro diahorrea brown leather suite so I could wipe the mess off with relative ease. After that, I took all the cushions off my sofa and 2 chairs, mixed them up and put them back so I wouldn't be able to identify the offending cushion. I still wonder to this day which one it was and if I'm sitting on it right now, and if people come to visit, I think to myself "If only you knew...".

Alhtough I can see the funny side now, it's still not the kind of story you can share with people unfortunately!

Here is an excellent technique I found quite by accident! One day whilst sitting on the shitter I noticed that if I sucked the dookie back up into my ass I was able to pass the gas around it. But would this work in a pre dump shituation. I warn you all, sometimes it does not. Try to hold the dookie in by pulling up on your sphincter and back muscles. This can sometimes allow the gas to pass around the dookage. WARNING this does NOT happen ALL the time but in a painful shituation its well worth the risk of trying. Believe me you will know.

I gass of to relieve pressure if I am away from a bathroom. Other than that, I usually go as soon as I feel the urge.
_______
"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

♥



hey, i have a problem, i have stinky farts, and i am trieing to prevent them, do you know of any diets or ANYTHiNG that could help me?



write back as soon as you can!

I'm renowned for bad farts, and this one beats the cake...

About ten years ago, I had to fly from New Jersey to Seattle with my boss. I had been severely constipated for a couple of days beforehand, with nary a squeak from my ass, much less a good shit.

Once we were airborne & at cruising altitude, I carefully released some silent pressure, undoubtedly due to the reduced ambient atmospheric pressure (aircraft are usually pressurized @ 10000 ft AGL). Much to my horror, it smelled like rotting meat in a swamp, and due to the low pressure it quickly diffused through the passenger compartment. I of course adopted a look of shock & outrage like everyone else, looking around for the guilty party (me).

However, this was far from the end of it. Very soon afterward, I had another bomb to release, and I did so. It was just as bad as the first, so I pretended to go to sleep as the foul thing zapped everyone within thirty rows of me.

Long story short...I kept farting, and for the next five hours had to act as if I was asleep. The stewardess sprayed Glade no less than three times during that interval, but it was no match for my noxious gas. I overpowered her best efforts despite my best efforts not to, and that flight was a gaseous hell for most of the passengers.

After arriving in Seattle, my boss & I jumped in the rental car & headed south for Tacoma, about a thirty-mile drive.I was still armed, but of course reluctant to let it rip loud and proud in front of him. However, the pressure was more than I could take, so I was forced to release a number of SBDs.

At one point, when we were passing a pasture with a number of cows & one of my more toxic products was wafting through the interior, my boss rolled up his window and said "Goddam, those cows stink!!!" Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore and said, "Uh, John....that ain't the cows..."...He got it immediately, cursed, cracked up, and rolled down ALL the windows as I kept farting.

When we got to the hotel, I immediately took the biggest shit of my life, finally disarming this reactor of a fart generator. To this day, he still refers to me as "Stinky".

Yes, it CAN be done successfully in certain circumstances. Like others have said, it all boils down to what is roiling around in your guts. Usually you can tell. I find that even if there is a watery shitstorm brewing, you can squeak one out and then anything after that must be held to avert diASSter. I have found that letting that first gas seep starts the launch sequence, so get to an acceptable release point FAST! But it is easier to hold the liquid without the maximum pressure.
If it is nice and solid, I do not feel I need the extra propulsion factor to get my shit out-- it will slide out just fine on its own. But I like a quiet, clean dump and am not going for decibel level entertainment (so if you are, by all means, save it for the big event!). Butt, yeah, also as others have stated, do NOT do a safety valve if you are not sure or unexperienced!!!! (or, maybe, I should say the opposite so that we are ensured of having plenty of PR stories for the future! :)

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'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

I think it just depends on the shituation. Most times however it begins the dookie launch sequence. Sadly this only works for me on occasion. Of course the KEY to success is NOT to achieve the loudest NOISE but simply relieve the pressure so I highly recommend NOT leaning into the fart that only encourages the poo to come out faster.
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

"Launch Sequence"! Where's that "names for poop" thread?!? Thunderous, that's a good one.
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Hey! Don't touch my wenis!

Like shit, farts aren't something to be ashamed of. They are, in fact, a form of communication. If farts weren't supposed to be noticed, they wouldn't be naturally noisy. They are oderiferous, not odious.

They are also a form of social bonding. How many people don't enjoy a good fart story? I have participated in a number of fart contests with many friends. I'm sure that no fart contest includes fewest, most silent or least stinkiest.

It's also a measure of the quality of one's relationships, especially the most intimate ones. My wife and I can be quite noisy around each other. However, if she isn't farting around me, something is definitely wrong.

In fact, the SBD is an act of passive-aggressiveness. The SBD says that you don't care enough about the others to tell them what's coming and that you're frightened enough of them that you won't acknowledge it once they've noticed. After all, when your riding in the car with the family, is it better to say "Roll down your windows, everybody" or just let the funk roll out and the accusations fly? Who hasn't let out an SBD with an annoying co-worker and then kept them locked there, usually in conversation or pretending to be looking for something when you already damn well know where it is? Wouldn't it have been better to just say, "Dude, I've got something I've got to do. I'll get back to you in a few minutes."

So, do yourself a favor: just let it rip when you're feeling sad and lonely. I'm sure that it will bring a smile to your face. If you want to meet that cute chick, then walk up to her and let one fly. Mark my words, you will get a reaction from her.

Farts - They're mother natures way of saying "I care."
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Deja Poo - Because this shit's so strange, it couldn't ever have happened before.

Ohhhh, GGG! I feel slighted! I said "launch sequence" in the previous post! But that's OK, I know you guys are a pretty exclusive club, hard to become a part of.... Always look forward to your input tho'-- cuz you're just so damn funny! :P

PS. Where IS the thread of euphamisms? I have a feeling that THAT would be hiLARious! Maybe it should have it's own heading on the edge, like the movie scene data base.

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'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

Awwwh. No slight meant, there, Toots! You're awesome.
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Hey! Don't touch my wenis!

You fart TO relieve pressure.

As AC says above, it's about relieving pressure. When building up to a good dump, the amount of gas increases. The thing is, some people have to go as soon as the 'build up' starts and so farting isn't an issue (Doniker's wife being an example - see top of thread) whereas at the other end of the spectrum, people like me wait till they are really, really ready (bursting even) - in which case a lot of gas builds up - and just has to come out! It's only dangerous if the forthcoming shit is a sloppy one, and that results in a different feeling entirely!

Oh, non, no, no, no, NO. that is like playing Russian Roulette with a loaded sphincter. Might be a nice firm turd that will hang out and wait for proper orders to exit, or it might be a juicer waiting for the exit to open.

As my uncle used to say "Releasing a fart is a well defined art, it may be a little stinky gas, or a great big turd flying out of your ass!"

I'd rather not risk it.

As for farting just for sharing, I'd still not try it if I feel a load coming on.

Sorry GandL! I pretty well know what's up my arse and when it's safe to fart! I can tell by the way the pressure feels when I get an urge on - ie, whether what is pressing is solid or not. Accident rate negligible! I admit I'm lucky in very rarely having loose shits though.

nothing is wrong with a little motor boating / crop dusting. sometimes it isn't even a poop but just a bunch of built up gas.

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all aboard the farty train to pooterville..if you can't shit at my house, we aren't friends

I think oftentimes you have to fart to keep from getting gas pains. However, if it's obvious that it's a pre-poop fart I hold it in because I know it's going to smell pretty bad,and also because these farts help push out the turds. (This doesn't work if the fart preceeds the turd, but usually my farts are behind the turds, thank goodness.)

I can normally tell whether the release will be solid, liquid, or gas. If solid or liquid, I head for the toilet; if gas, I let it go, loudly if alone, silently if not. Sometimes I just have gas, no poop in the near future. When I poop, I often fart several times in the few minutes before. Occasionally I fart every half hour or so, knowing a poop will come soon, but then it is several hours before it really comes. Only on a very few occasions, when I was getting sick with diarrhea, has a fart ever fooled me by including a liquid spurt upon exit.

Until my recent affliction with lactose intolerance, I was pretty good at estimating the gas to turd pressure ratio. I knew when the turd would be making its exit because the farts would get stinker and closer together as the time drew near. But now I pretty much don't dare fart b/c the plug may not be so solid and I'd hate to uncork the bottle and allow that brown genie to escape!

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

To me it is always quite clear. I cut them loose as fast as they come. The warning signs are always the same - abdominal cramps, sweats and the real teller is a 'hot fart' or 'burner' These farts are pungent and stink! Strait to the crapper.

Working in any office, it's always risky to release a fart. Because whether you work in a cubicle or at a letter case, as I do, as soon as you let it rip, somebody is bound to enter your space to talk to you.

Never Light a fart.
Its been known to kill