Eternal Debates: Grunting

// // 73 Comments
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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THE ISSUE:

The efficacy of grunting.

73 Comments on "Eternal Debates: Grunting"

PooperGal's picture
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While my boyfriend sounds like a bull moose in rut when he craps ("AAAarrrrrnnngggghhhuummph!", my approach is much more Zenlike. I really believe that vocal accompaniment to pushing is not necessary.

Instead, I settle my gravitational center onto the pooper and focus on the gentle rhythmic push of the lower abdomen, silently exhaling with each push. Inhaling slowly and deeply into the diaphragm (the lowest reaches of the lungs), then exhaling slowly through the nostrils as I push. Whooooooooshhhhhhh. No air passes over the vocal cords, so the exhale is silent.

When the big brown loaf slides from my butt and into the bowl, it is a moment of satori. A grunt would have destroyed that moment of bliss and peace. I am one with the turd. I am one with the toilet. I am one with the universe.

honey_monster's picture
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The grunt must be as important as the primal scream. A vocal release of the pressure welling up inside as we struggle to exhume the feaceal matter from our buttholes.

When you have no option but to push, the blood rushing to your head, eyeballs about to pop.....what else can you do but emit the might "HnnnnnnnNN!" grunt.

It works for me. But is never performed to an audience.

Jack Scat's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I don't usually generate noises to aid the exiting of a turd; rather, noises are usually generated in response to the evacuating log. Should it be pleasant, the noise is an "aaahhhhh," not unlike the sound made by that guy in the white suit who used to do the 7up ads way back when. (In fact, if the dump is particularily satisfying, I complete the expression with ..."the un-cola!")
If it hurts, the noise is very similiar but is of a distinctly different type: a more tentative (so as not to anger the already angry beast making its exit) "aaaa-aaaa-aaaa."
No grunting though.

Tydirium's picture
k 500+ points
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If grunting is symptomatic of straining, then grunting is bad. Poop should come out with minimal effort. If you're pushing, you're doing damage to your body -- that's how hemorrhoids develop.

The reason is that humans are designed to poop squatting. (A debate for another day!) So when we're sitting, our alimentary canal is not straightened out, and thus we find ourselves exerting to get the poop out.

But if the question is "does grunting help?", the answer is yes. "Should we be grunting?" NO!

be careful's picture
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you can break blood vessels around your eyes/on your face if you push too hard. I looked like an alien for a day after exerting too much pressure. So, push hard at your own risk!

Bub's picture
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The best way to coax the log without pushing is to breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. I had back surgery back in '92 and that's what the nurses recommended so I wouldn't strain and possibly rupture my previously ruptured discs.

BTW: this breathing technique also works for peeing. If you find yourself suffering from a little "stagefright", do the breathing and you'll be peeing in no time. The nurses told me that too.

Poonurse's picture
j 1000+ points
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Not a grunter. The most I can do is generate the "ahhhh" described above, if I have had to hold it back for some time, until it is critical to lock, load, and fire away.

Browners's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I am currently recovering from an anal fissure (lovely!!!), and have been making some right noises whilst trying to drop off the kids. This is mainly due to the pain its causing, noises have varied from grunts to "Ohhhhhhh", "Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrggggggghhhh" and several expletives. Have just had to grit my teeth and bite on something if someone is in another cubicle!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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It depends on the poop. If it's a real big one or one of those stubborn rabbit pellet drops I sometimes grunt. However, most of the time I don't. It doesn't seem to matter either way.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Commode-O Dragon's picture
l 100+ points
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I grunt sometimes if I'm out of audible range of other bathroom users. I'm a relatively shameless shitter, but I don't like to impose on other people's bathroom experience, and I dunno, if there are other people around I think its kinda rude. I wouldn't be embarrassed to let them know I'm taking a shit, I just feel like vocalization of it is necessary.

Commode-O's picture
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Correction.."isn't necessary".

PooperGal's picture
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I meant to say that grunting or groaning in pain while shitting is totally acceptable. You can't always help it when it hurts. Like childbirth. But the act of pooping...the effort of pushing... should be silent.

Di Uhreea's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points
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I have more of a "mmmmmmmm" approach. Right when the tail is coming out I let a low hum out like when I finish my plate of hot wings.

I don't remember grunting while having my kids - I was more like "It fucking HHHUUURRRTSSSSSS!!!"

Slim Jim Junkiie's picture
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I usually don't need to grunt, so I just sit on the crapper and wait a minute.
However, when I get a little constipated, I have to GRRRRRRR!!! in order to shit. If I don't, I never get it out and I stay in pain for the day. I just figure that it is a necessary evil. It sure beats the heck out of being full of shit.

PooperGal's picture
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Slim Jim,
You growl when you're crappin'? Do you really put a "G" sound into it, or is it more like "RRRRRRR"?
;)

Zen pooping haiku -

A silent pause
the turd passes quickly
Bowels have a moment of enLIGHTENment

PJbrownstuff's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Sometime I can't help but to grunt. It like an involuntary thing.

Chip Brown's picture
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I eat my oatmeal everyday and never have a problem with constipation or even the need to grunt. I have had some painful cramps and spewing shits, but the noise I make is one of sweet relief.

Chip Brown's picture
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I call it a Browngasim.

Jack the Dripper's picture
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I like grunting on purpose for joke purposes,and it often comes in handy when I want some privacy

the shit reaper's picture
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poopergal, unoriginal mediocrity, uh: http://www.poopreport.com/Contests/
Content/poop_words.html

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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I don't grunt.
Neither does my bulldog.

If I do have to poop and it's being stubborn, I will say that I find myself pursing my lips, and then Gator always gives me this look like, "What the hell are you doing?"
I did grunt like a bastard when I had my children, so I agree with Di. If it hurts, you usually grunt. And, after 8 and 9 pounds of Hell, nothing hurts, especially if you eat your Chip Wilford Brimley fiber bars.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Snipe's picture
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My Grunts are usually inaudible over the "background noise."

PooperGal's picture
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Shitreaper,
Believe it or not, I have never looked at that page and didn't know that "EnLIGHTENment" had been used.

So, I perhaps my off-the-cuff haiku was mediocre, but it was still original ... for ME. lol

honey_monster's picture
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Its not even a haiku.
Huika stanza is 5 syllabals, 7 syllabals, 5 syllabals.

It's not really hard
to write a simple haiku
just think about it

5 - 7 - 5.

Piece of piss.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I really hate them
These verses they call haiku
Retarded they are

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

PooperGal's picture
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Oh for the love of shit, guys, it was just a joke. Not intended to be real haiku, or particularly inspiring. It's just rambling shit, ya know. :p

I promise I'll work on it...

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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"Grunting is not good
Let is come out when it wants
I sound like Yoda"

Shit Haiku-sounds like a great contest.......
Done already?

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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Oh crap, I meant
Grunting is not good
Let it come out when it wants
I sound like Yoda

I should edit my stuff more.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

PooperGal's picture
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Here's my entry (if we do have a poo haiku competition). It's a take-off on the Japanese poet, Basho:

Moon on the water
a log falls in
Plop!

Hey - in Japanese, the haiku comes out in 5-7-5, but loses it in the translation. ;)

poopmagick's picture
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I do grunt while pooping, if it's an especially stubborn fucker. Nothing better then a good grunt to help matters along. And, of course, if my friends are hanging outside the throne room, I always give them a grunt, whether I need to or not.
However, if I need to poo in public and I know I'll need to grunt, I wait til I get home. No one needs to hear that. That's the only time I get shameful.

Sitting Wiper's picture
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I have rarely needed to grunt or push, since I was a child, and then not very often - usually if I had had an unusual diet. When my bare posterior touches the toilet seat it sends a message to my bowel, and the water beneath me begins to splash. It slips out so eeeeezily - one of the best sensations of the day.

But when I started training my young boys, I started to grunt deliberately, to make them think I was trying harder than I was.

When they transferred from their potties to the toilet, they had some difficulty to begin with, because their feet didn't touch the ground, and they hadn't got anything to push against. We keep an old foot-rest in the bath-room (I will avoid the word 'stool') but the older one never liked putting his feet on it for some reason thinking it was babyish, preferring me to hold his hand while he squeezed. They are rarely constipated - they have a MacDonald-free diet and have even learned to LIKE green vegetables and fresh fruit. They soon got into the new routine of sitting on the toilet instead of the potty, and clasping their hands like their dad does, making sure there is no involuntary wee to wet the floor.

We DO grunt for each other, just for fun, sometimes.

Sitting Wiper's picture
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Perfect Poop

The headmaster of my school in England used to tell us that God gave us bottoms for 3 things:-

1) To sit down with
2) To get rid of waste from our bodies
3) To receive punishment when we were naughty

By the third purpose he meant his long swishy cane. All kinds of hitting of kids stopped while I was still at school - but how that cane hurt.

Perfect Poop's picture
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grunting is a result of trying to make things happen faster than they are supposed to.

why do you let your brain interfere with the ass'es business?

the brain is for thinking, leave the shitting to the ass, that's what it's designed for.

turned around, would you let your ass do the thinking?

while i'm at it, here's a message to people using the ass for other things that it was design for:just because there is a hole there doesn't mean you HAVE to go in there.

if god knew this would happen, he would have never created the ass.

the thought of this should startle at least a couple of people.

The brown frown's picture
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yarrrrrghhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

beavis's picture
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PLOP!! PLOP!! PLOP!!!!

psycho bitch's picture
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ok, all you people enjoy telling the world about what you do when you take a shit huh...someone sends me this page, and i actually had to read some of it! it was like someone put this page in front of me and said read it or die! so i kept on reading! but yea..you all are on some kind of fucked up drugs! cuz damn! But if y'all think it's fun to talk about takin a shit...you just keep it up!

Thepaperhog's picture
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Psycho bitch, just so you know, expelling waste is a necessity to life, as is water, food, and shelter. This is a site where people say - often extremely eloquently, I might add - things that we all wonder about but often never talk about except with our significant other......as for grunting, any normal, masculine Alpha male enjoys a good grunt the way he enjoys a good beer. It doesn't have to always indicate constipation - it's more of a primeval ululation, a celebration of being a natural entity connected to the beginning of time and the primordial mud. Long live blondes in leather boots and fur coats, meat roasted over an open fire, alcoholic beverages, and gruntin', hootin', & hollerin'!!!!!!!!!!!

Clunny's picture
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I think grunting should always be done in a public restroom! Even if you don't have to. I love to do it because it freaks out the dudes in the bathroom! So, in my opinion grunt, grunt, grunt your heart out! But, don't strain yourdelf! heeheehee!

hfaflha's picture
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i think that if you have to grunt you should do it. it helps to get the poop out.

pooper skooper's picture
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I think if you push to hard your blood will come out.

Mike's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Hi! I suppose I'm lucky never to have needed to strain hard when crapping. If ever I'm constipated, which is rare, then I take my jeans and undies off completely! Then I can sit with my knees much further apart and bend my back so that my head and shoulders are almost down to my knees, and my arms are straight and my hands are touching the floor. I admit I'd be wary of doing this in a public toilet! This is effectively a squatting position, which is advocated for much easier dumping. Everything does seem to slide out a bit more easily! Hope this helps!

kaa kaa's picture
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what about when you poo glass,,, like 2-3 days after a good alcohol buzz and your all dehydrated then your bung screams at you like a freight train going down the road ?? damn... i was trying to poo... but no.... later on yes... and my ass was ripping so bad god it felt like a "crack" baby looking for momma!!,,, I was wishing i lubed my ass with a p-h supposotisory first... i was even thinking about trying to suck it back up to i could grease my shitter first too !!! :(

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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As of late I have been grunting a lot. When I shit the Brown October I was actually crying and screaming rather than grunting. Damn calcium tablets!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

InvisaPoo's picture
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I'll a shameful pooper so I hate to grunt/cry/scream/etc when I'm pooping,but if no one is around then ok.

Cameron's picture
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Grunting is wierd. I hear it in public places and it makes me realise I'm lucky my turds like to to come out with no effort. Sometimes I realise after I've done it, that I've made an uncontrollable sighing sound, like: "Aaauugh", similar to the sound I make when I jizz. I try not to do this in public, but sometimes it feels too good and I can't help it. When this happens and the next cubicle is occupied, I feel embarrassed and then I get goose bumps and shivers, like you get when you piss.

Ben's picture
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I have never heard as much grunting as I did in Japan!!! God, do they make noise while pooping. They even make comments, not knowing Japanese, i don't know what they were saying.

e.t.'s picture
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i never really have the need to grunt, since I can move my bowels pretty smoothly. But i normally at first when i sit down, bear down a bit, breath once, and the movement slides out.

will shatner's picture
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I usually don't grunt, except when a severe thunderstorm hits. Especially when there is a pause in the middle, and there is that period of
grief and uncertainty, waiting for another blast
to finish the job and get on the road to recovery.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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The reluctant turd is always the worst. Grunting will never get those babies out. Sometimes you have to reach up there and grab the sucker!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

gabrielle's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I never get the need to have to grunt. I do more of a mmmmmm sound. grunting is really associated with constipation.

gabrielle

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points
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The only time I grunt is when I get the occasional stubborn log, or when I have shit marbelitis. Other than that, I never grunt.
_______
"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

freddy krueger 16's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I almost always push when I take a dump. I don't know what it is, but my bowels never move naturally and I'm required to push throughout, or nothing happens at all. It's not constipation, its just the way it works. To answer the question, this is supposedly a bad idea, but I do grunt whilst pushing out my turd during the process.

fred kruega!

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points
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Again this is an example of how our bodies are different. I'd agree with Tydirium, that grunting equals straining equals bad - but obviously Freddy has to. And Gabrielle, althugh I'm frequently constipated but I take something to help it slide out easily - never, ever force it. So no need for grunting.

I agree with Jack Scat - I just can't help doing the 'aaahh' sigh when expelling a good big one - whoever is listening. I think PooperGal describes the feeling in the very top post in the thread - third para. PG - yes, that is absolutely it!!! A moment to savour!!!

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
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The only time I grunt is when I'm squeezing out a long log, and it gets to the end, and it just hangs there. I usually have to give a grunt to get the thing to break off. Other than that, I just give a push to get things going, and then just let it slide out.

Fudgepump's picture
l 100+ points
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The only time I grunt is if I suspect that I've got a next-stall neighbor who might be Shameful - you know, sometimes you get those "cues". My response is to grunt, say "AHHH!", the whole deal.
Otherwise, the only sounds other than plops, farts and splashes are the occasional moans when I've got a reluctant kid who's fightin' his way out and giving me some discomfort.

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points
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Fudge - so you play to your audience too!!! Brilliant!

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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Usually I can poop silently; however, if I did not go much the day before, sometimes a poop is fairly hard to start, perhaps with a rough lumpy beginning. In that case, a grunt actually seems to help focus my diaphragm on the matter at hand just enough to get that hard turtlehead out. Even in those cases, that first turd is the only one that requires any vocal accompaniment. If I have to grunt, though, I'll do it regardless of location--home, mall, work, wherever. As a bodily function, pooping deserves and gets whatever it requires for completion, at least from me. I rarely hear others grunt.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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No grunting for this guy, nosirree....

I yodel.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

phatmanxxl's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
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Omg you guys grunting is the best part of taking a mean shit!!! Sometimes I like to say "salsafied!" if its a hot one falling.

shitake boy's picture
l 100+ points
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I almost never have to grunt. It usually does a fine job coming out on its own. I usually let my bowels do their thing without any help.

_______
In search of the ever evasive BM

In search of the ever evasive BM

Astroboy's picture
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Sometimes I cry!

Grunting Andrew's picture
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A story about grunting which I can tell against myself. Grunting often goes with pushing, but not in our case.

First, some detains about my 7 year old son. He has been toilet independent for several years now, but still confides in me about experiences and problems. Occasionally we talk together while one of us is sitting with a bare posterior. (He refuses to talk about gender-specific matters in the presence of his mum or his sister.)
Recently he has moved to new school premises, because the old 'first school' closed and amalgamated with the junior school, entailing an extra mile's walk. The old school's toilets were pretty horrible, and the boys never used them to sit on. He said he was glad he wasn't a girl!
He set aside 10 minutes after breakfast before going to school - cleaning his teeth, 'sitting and wiping', washing his hands, and adjusting his clothes. The need to leave home a lot earlier for the new school means that his body isn't ready for the new routine. Several of his pals are the same, but the extra walk to school stirs things up, and they are ready to use the boys' toilets at school (which, unlike the old school, are in a good condition and they don't mind using them.) He and his best friend like to be in cubicles next to each other. The friend remarked how he always grunted. He told him why: 'My dad taught me to grunt'.
That is true - when he learned the toilet routine from me, I always grunted deliberately, even though I never have needed to push. That was to show him that I was 'trying hard', so that he would. He picked up the 'grunting', and has made that noise as a matter of course. Like me, it comes out easily for him, and he never needs to push (thanks to our sensible diet).
He would like to be able to 'go' before breakfast and before he has his shower, and is working on that. At weekends, when he has more time, he takes a book into the bathroom. Like most of us, he is always ready for a wee when he gets out of bed. He flushes this away, and then sits down for ten minutes (he doesn't think its boy-like to sit down just to wee). But so far, it hasn't worked. Perhaps it never will. His dad, aged 33, still can't do HIS number twos until after breakfast. At least, it saves on our toilet paper bill. He does get through quite a lot of paper. So do I. Perhaps the healthier the diet, the dirtier the bottom!

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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I grunt sometimes but only when I have constarhhea. Then I grunt, scream, cry strain, plead and beg. I seriously thought I popped a blood vessel in my face last time I pooped.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Russell's picture
l 100+ points
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A grunt is for when you're in pain or constipated.
Any other time, enjoy your shit and do it in peace

_______
Russell

Russell the shitting queen

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points
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The whole range of noises is allowed. Do what you want, be who you are !

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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I just had my first b.m. of the day. It was thick and lumpy at the start (#2 on the Bristol Stool Scale), so it required a brief, soft, but definite grunt to get it going. That was it: the rest of the (quite large) movement was out in one quick slide.

Earlier in this thread were was nice haiku, so I'll add mine here:

Grunting starts the poop
Easing out the exit hole.
The rest comes quickly.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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I can strain and push in silence, the only time I feel vocalization is needed is when I am passing a turd whose girth exceeds its length and it is constructed of some hard material, such as beef jerkey, and has a few sharp objects, such as splinters of possum bones, around its perimeter. In cases like this I think screaming is more appropriate than grunting.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

help my ears's picture
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Help me! My boyfriend is a very loud grunter when he dumps. I have lived with this for two years. I'm scared our neighbors will hear! What can I do?

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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help my ears, A "blumpkin" would probably turn those grunts into subdued moans of pleasure.


_______
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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Dear help: Sell tickets. Let the neighbors hear, but make them pay:

Grunt begins the poop.
Loud and proud the boyfriend grunts.
Then we hear the plunks.

A dollar a time
Is all we charge to hear it:
Grunt to start the dump.

Tell your boyfriend now:
He can refine his technique,
Building the suspense.

The crowd gets larger;
Dollar bills keep rolling in
For each loud b.m.