Eternal Debates: Grunting

PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb


The efficacy of grunting.

73 Comments on "Eternal Debates: Grunting"

PooperGal's picture

While my boyfriend sounds like a bull moose in rut when he craps ("AAAarrrrrnnngggghhhuummph!", my approach is much more Zenlike. I really believe that vocal accompaniment to pushing is not necessary.

Instead, I settle my gravitational center onto the pooper and focus on the gentle rhythmic push of the lower abdomen, silently exhaling with each push. Inhaling slowly and deeply into the diaphragm (the lowest reaches of the lungs), then exhaling slowly through the nostrils as I push. Whooooooooshhhhhhh. No air passes over the vocal cords, so the exhale is silent.

When the big brown loaf slides from my butt and into the bowl, it is a moment of satori. A grunt would have destroyed that moment of bliss and peace. I am one with the turd. I am one with the toilet. I am one with the universe.

honey_monster's picture

The grunt must be as important as the primal scream. A vocal release of the pressure welling up inside as we struggle to exhume the feaceal matter from our buttholes.

When you have no option but to push, the blood rushing to your head, eyeballs about to pop.....what else can you do but emit the might "HnnnnnnnNN!" grunt.

It works for me. But is never performed to an audience.

Jack Scat's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I don't usually generate noises to aid the exiting of a turd; rather, noises are usually generated in response to the evacuating log. Should it be pleasant, the noise is an "aaahhhhh," not unlike the sound made by that guy in the white suit who used to do the 7up ads way back when. (In fact, if the dump is particularily satisfying, I complete the expression with ..."the un-cola!")
If it hurts, the noise is very similiar but is of a distinctly different type: a more tentative (so as not to anger the already angry beast making its exit) "aaaa-aaaa-aaaa."
No grunting though.

Tydirium's picture
k 500+ points

If grunting is symptomatic of straining, then grunting is bad. Poop should come out with minimal effort. If you're pushing, you're doing damage to your body -- that's how hemorrhoids develop.

The reason is that humans are designed to poop squatting. (A debate for another day!) So when we're sitting, our alimentary canal is not straightened out, and thus we find ourselves exerting to get the poop out.

But if the question is "does grunting help?", the answer is yes. "Should we be grunting?" NO!

be careful's picture

you can break blood vessels around your eyes/on your face if you push too hard. I looked like an alien for a day after exerting too much pressure. So, push hard at your own risk!

Bub's picture

The best way to coax the log without pushing is to breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. I had back surgery back in '92 and that's what the nurses recommended so I wouldn't strain and possibly rupture my previously ruptured discs.

BTW: this breathing technique also works for peeing. If you find yourself suffering from a little "stagefright", do the breathing and you'll be peeing in no time. The nurses told me that too.

Poonurse's picture
j 1000+ points

Not a grunter. The most I can do is generate the "ahhhh" described above, if I have had to hold it back for some time, until it is critical to lock, load, and fire away.

Browners's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I am currently recovering from an anal fissure (lovely!!!), and have been making some right noises whilst trying to drop off the kids. This is mainly due to the pain its causing, noises have varied from grunts to "Ohhhhhhh", "Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrggggggghhhh" and several expletives. Have just had to grit my teeth and bite on something if someone is in another cubicle!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

It depends on the poop. If it's a real big one or one of those stubborn rabbit pellet drops I sometimes grunt. However, most of the time I don't. It doesn't seem to matter either way.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Commode-O Dragon's picture
l 100+ points

I grunt sometimes if I'm out of audible range of other bathroom users. I'm a relatively shameless shitter, but I don't like to impose on other people's bathroom experience, and I dunno, if there are other people around I think its kinda rude. I wouldn't be embarrassed to let them know I'm taking a shit, I just feel like vocalization of it is necessary.

Commode-O's picture

Correction.."isn't necessary".

PooperGal's picture

I meant to say that grunting or groaning in pain while shitting is totally acceptable. You can't always help it when it hurts. Like childbirth. But the act of pooping...the effort of pushing... should be silent.

Di Uhreea's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points

I have more of a "mmmmmmmm" approach. Right when the tail is coming out I let a low hum out like when I finish my plate of hot wings.

I don't remember grunting while having my kids - I was more like "It fucking HHHUUURRRTSSSSSS!!!"

Slim Jim Junkiie's picture

I usually don't need to grunt, so I just sit on the crapper and wait a minute.
However, when I get a little constipated, I have to GRRRRRRR!!! in order to shit. If I don't, I never get it out and I stay in pain for the day. I just figure that it is a necessary evil. It sure beats the heck out of being full of shit.

PooperGal's picture

Slim Jim,
You growl when you're crappin'? Do you really put a "G" sound into it, or is it more like "RRRRRRR"?

Zen pooping haiku -

A silent pause
the turd passes quickly
Bowels have a moment of enLIGHTENment

PJbrownstuff's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Sometime I can't help but to grunt. It like an involuntary thing.

Chip Brown's picture

I eat my oatmeal everyday and never have a problem with constipation or even the need to grunt. I have had some painful cramps and spewing shits, but the noise I make is one of sweet relief.

Chip Brown's picture

I call it a Browngasim.

Jack the Dripper's picture

I like grunting on purpose for joke purposes,and it often comes in handy when I want some privacy

the shit reaper's picture

poopergal, unoriginal mediocrity, uh:

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

I don't grunt.
Neither does my bulldog.

If I do have to poop and it's being stubborn, I will say that I find myself pursing my lips, and then Gator always gives me this look like, "What the hell are you doing?"
I did grunt like a bastard when I had my children, so I agree with Di. If it hurts, you usually grunt. And, after 8 and 9 pounds of Hell, nothing hurts, especially if you eat your Chip Wilford Brimley fiber bars.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

Snipe's picture

My Grunts are usually inaudible over the "background noise."

PooperGal's picture

Believe it or not, I have never looked at that page and didn't know that "EnLIGHTENment" had been used.

So, I perhaps my off-the-cuff haiku was mediocre, but it was still original ... for ME. lol

honey_monster's picture

Its not even a haiku.
Huika stanza is 5 syllabals, 7 syllabals, 5 syllabals.

It's not really hard
to write a simple haiku
just think about it

5 - 7 - 5.

Piece of piss.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I really hate them
These verses they call haiku
Retarded they are

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

PooperGal's picture

Oh for the love of shit, guys, it was just a joke. Not intended to be real haiku, or particularly inspiring. It's just rambling shit, ya know. :p

I promise I'll work on it...

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

"Grunting is not good
Let is come out when it wants
I sound like Yoda"

Shit Haiku-sounds like a great contest.......
Done already?

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Oh crap, I meant
Grunting is not good
Let it come out when it wants
I sound like Yoda

I should edit my stuff more.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

PooperGal's picture

Here's my entry (if we do have a poo haiku competition). It's a take-off on the Japanese poet, Basho:

Moon on the water
a log falls in

Hey - in Japanese, the haiku comes out in 5-7-5, but loses it in the translation. ;)

poopmagick's picture

I do grunt while pooping, if it's an especially stubborn fucker. Nothing better then a good grunt to help matters along. And, of course, if my friends are hanging outside the throne room, I always give them a grunt, whether I need to or not.
However, if I need to poo in public and I know I'll need to grunt, I wait til I get home. No one needs to hear that. That's the only time I get shameful.

Sitting Wiper's picture

I have rarely needed to grunt or push, since I was a child, and then not very often - usually if I had had an unusual diet. When my bare posterior touches the toilet seat it sends a message to my bowel, and the water beneath me begins to splash. It slips out so eeeeezily - one of the best sensations of the day.

But when I started training my young boys, I started to grunt deliberately, to make them think I was trying harder than I was.

When they transferred from their potties to the toilet, they had some difficulty to begin with, because their feet didn't touch the ground, and they hadn't got anything to push against. We keep an old foot-rest in the bath-room (I will avoid the word 'stool') but the older one never liked putting his feet on it for some reason thinking it was babyish, preferring me to hold his hand while he squeezed. They are rarely constipated - they have a MacDonald-free diet and have even learned to LIKE green vegetables and fresh fruit. They soon got into the new routine of sitting on the toilet instead of the potty, and clasping their hands like their dad does, making sure there is no involuntary wee to wet the floor.

We DO grunt for each other, just for fun, sometimes.

Sitting Wiper's picture

Perfect Poop

The headmaster of my school in England used to tell us that God gave us bottoms for 3 things:-

1) To sit down with
2) To get rid of waste from our bodies
3) To receive punishment when we were naughty

By the third purpose he meant his long swishy cane. All kinds of hitting of kids stopped while I was still at school - but how that cane hurt.

Perfect Poop's picture

grunting is a result of trying to make things happen faster than they are supposed to.

why do you let your brain interfere with the ass'es business?

the brain is for thinking, leave the shitting to the ass, that's what it's designed for.

turned around, would you let your ass do the thinking?

while i'm at it, here's a message to people using the ass for other things that it was design for:just because there is a hole there doesn't mean you HAVE to go in there.

if god knew this would happen, he would have never created the ass.

the thought of this should startle at least a couple of people.

The brown frown's picture

yarrrrrghhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

beavis's picture


psycho bitch's picture

ok, all you people enjoy telling the world about what you do when you take a shit huh...someone sends me this page, and i actually had to read some of it! it was like someone put this page in front of me and said read it or die! so i kept on reading! but all are on some kind of fucked up drugs! cuz damn! But if y'all think it's fun to talk about takin a just keep it up!

Thepaperhog's picture

Psycho bitch, just so you know, expelling waste is a necessity to life, as is water, food, and shelter. This is a site where people say - often extremely eloquently, I might add - things that we all wonder about but often never talk about except with our significant for grunting, any normal, masculine Alpha male enjoys a good grunt the way he enjoys a good beer. It doesn't have to always indicate constipation - it's more of a primeval ululation, a celebration of being a natural entity connected to the beginning of time and the primordial mud. Long live blondes in leather boots and fur coats, meat roasted over an open fire, alcoholic beverages, and gruntin', hootin', & hollerin'!!!!!!!!!!!

Clunny's picture

I think grunting should always be done in a public restroom! Even if you don't have to. I love to do it because it freaks out the dudes in the bathroom! So, in my opinion grunt, grunt, grunt your heart out! But, don't strain yourdelf! heeheehee!

hfaflha's picture

i think that if you have to grunt you should do it. it helps to get the poop out.

pooper skooper's picture

I think if you push to hard your blood will come out.

Mike's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Hi! I suppose I'm lucky never to have needed to strain hard when crapping. If ever I'm constipated, which is rare, then I take my jeans and undies off completely! Then I can sit with my knees much further apart and bend my back so that my head and shoulders are almost down to my knees, and my arms are straight and my hands are touching the floor. I admit I'd be wary of doing this in a public toilet! This is effectively a squatting position, which is advocated for much easier dumping. Everything does seem to slide out a bit more easily! Hope this helps!

kaa kaa's picture

what about when you poo glass,,, like 2-3 days after a good alcohol buzz and your all dehydrated then your bung screams at you like a freight train going down the road ?? damn... i was trying to poo... but no.... later on yes... and my ass was ripping so bad god it felt like a "crack" baby looking for momma!!,,, I was wishing i lubed my ass with a p-h supposotisory first... i was even thinking about trying to suck it back up to i could grease my shitter first too !!! :(

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

As of late I have been grunting a lot. When I shit the Brown October I was actually crying and screaming rather than grunting. Damn calcium tablets!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

InvisaPoo's picture

I'll a shameful pooper so I hate to grunt/cry/scream/etc when I'm pooping,but if no one is around then ok.

Cameron's picture

Grunting is wierd. I hear it in public places and it makes me realise I'm lucky my turds like to to come out with no effort. Sometimes I realise after I've done it, that I've made an uncontrollable sighing sound, like: "Aaauugh", similar to the sound I make when I jizz. I try not to do this in public, but sometimes it feels too good and I can't help it. When this happens and the next cubicle is occupied, I feel embarrassed and then I get goose bumps and shivers, like you get when you piss.

Ben's picture

I have never heard as much grunting as I did in Japan!!! God, do they make noise while pooping. They even make comments, not knowing Japanese, i don't know what they were saying.

e.t.'s picture

i never really have the need to grunt, since I can move my bowels pretty smoothly. But i normally at first when i sit down, bear down a bit, breath once, and the movement slides out.

will shatner's picture

I usually don't grunt, except when a severe thunderstorm hits. Especially when there is a pause in the middle, and there is that period of
grief and uncertainty, waiting for another blast
to finish the job and get on the road to recovery.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

The reluctant turd is always the worst. Grunting will never get those babies out. Sometimes you have to reach up there and grab the sucker!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

gabrielle's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I never get the need to have to grunt. I do more of a mmmmmm sound. grunting is really associated with constipation.


Post new comment

  • Allowed HTML tags: s:62:"<em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd> <br>";
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.

More information about formatting options

This question is for testing whether you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.
Enter the characters shown in the image.
To prevent automated spam submissions leave this field empty.