Eternal Debates: Looking After Wiping

// // 195 Comments
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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THE ISSUE:

Do you look at the paper after you wipe? Should you?

195 Comments on "Eternal Debates: Looking After Wiping"

Anonymous's picture

That's not enough, Yes you have to look when you are wiping you ass, until the tissue shows a very light mark. Then take a wash cloth, go to the tub, wet and add a little soap to the rag, bend over the tub and wash your ass.

This will eliminate any type of smell and believe me from my experience you should wash your butt properly just in case you fall into a sexual intercourse situation. A stink ass is a turn of for both male and females. So make sure you bring you towel and wash rag along when you're about to poop.

Anonymous's picture

Well, it's 8 years later but there is now an app for that. Show your phone the bill and it tells you what it is. Coins go by feel (size and the reading on the edges).

I wonder if that phone app could be modified to look at toilet paper and issue a brown alert?

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I was asked far above in the comment stream why I don't just use [pre-moistened] wipes. Occasionally I do, if I'm in the bathroom where they are kept and it looks (from inspecting the t.p.) as though I need to. I don't use them routinely because (a) they are expensive compared to t.p. and (b) I'm not anxious to have that chemical on my anus every time I poop.

shart hard with a vengeance's picture

I've been struggling to get my puckerer clean for years. I was never taught proper hygiene and kinda had to learn as I went, so to speak. Plus my dad always smelled like poop and Listerine, so I kinda thought it was normal to smell a bit like poo. Anyways, to get a clean rim on my can, I've got to go front to back, back to front, flush to get a clean bowl, dunk a corner of a fresh wad of toilet paper into it, fold the corner dog-ear style so it won't tear, and then basically press that really hard into my fearful bunghole with one finger and wiggle it around. Frequently, it takes many attempts to get it clean and when the paper is clean, sometimes I still get a poo smell wafting up later. I just came across this site and I think it might be my best shot at getting an informed answer. Sorry, I can't register right now. Maybe later.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Uh, maybe because we drink it.

LearnMore's picture

Hi all... I hate wiping using toilet paper. It doesn't matter how much you try with it there is still dirty and I don't know why in 21 century we still don't know that WATER is the best to wipe it completely!!! I change my toilet and there is a water tap near the bow and my bow is a little wider than normal ones and easily I can wash my ass and you don't know how much it is clean... why don't you use water?

Anonymous prof Coward's picture

I am an experienced wiper. :-) I have lived in many different countries and have tried different techniques. Here is the break down of dirtiest to cleanest.

5. No wiping and hoping it was a clean shit. (nasty)
4. Toilet paper alone. (can get a person more or less clean, but can have a unforgiving fail rate if not acted out carefully and with refined technique, and even then there might be a slip)
3. Toilet paper followed by baby wipes/wet wipes/wet toilet paper. (For those with hairy asses wet toilet paper is a no go. For those that are bare, it is manageable. This method has a low fail rate.)
2. Bidet or some other washing machine (first wipe with paper, then rinse, then dry with paper. My bidet has a dryer function, but who wants a hair dryer blowing no there hole?)
1. Full shower with soap afterwards. (Can be used in combination with 2-4. Extremely low fail rate.)

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear Anonymous Coward,

The nose knows!


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous Coward's picture

How does a blind person know when they have wipped themselves clean

Russell's picture
l 100+ points

Yes I look after I wipe so I can stay clean as possible. I'd hate to have left-over poop in between my ass
_______
Russell the shitting queen

Russell the shitting queen

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

I wear my dark brown sunglasses. They filter out all the colors of the spectrum except brown. Makes it easy to pick out even the faintest bit of mud. Either that or I wipe 'till it bleeds.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I would guess the sniff test might help. For myself, it is always visual inspection.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

You don't know when you are finished unless you look at the paper. I always wondered how a blind person knows when their ass is clean?


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

blast a dookie dork's picture

ok well im a girl and ALWAYS! look at tha tp after i wipe. its just a must!!! u do gotta check for blood and poop. one time i had to take a big dookie and i did i ran to tha bathroom. sat down and it came out. i looked in tha toilet after i wipped and the poop was peakin out of tha water. oh and i think people should get poo logs

Anonymous Coward's picture

i wipe until its clean then i shower after eachtime yup. i dont like poopy but. im a very clean person. im a girl.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Wipes his checks....god help me, I must behave.....

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Anonymous Coward's picture

First... Are you suppose to wipe your but cheeck or you anal hole? The Anal hole get irritated quick. Second why is it every time i go to the bathroom i wipe my checks and until paper is clean. After two hours i go to the bathroom to check if my ass is still clean and marks come out in the toilet paper!

Anonymous Coward's picture

I just found this site, and I agree, I love it when one or 2 wips does it, I hate it when you have to wipe so many time that your ass hurts. I usaly spread my butt cheeks apart before I sit, that why it usaly a cleaner poop. I must say this site is hilarious. Happy Festivise all.

shitake boy's picture
l 100+ points


_I always look, this assures me a "shrapnel free" shit. The last thing I want is shrapnel.

______
In search of the ever evasive BM

In search of the ever evasive BM

OnTheShitter's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Of course people look. How the Hell are you supposed to know when your done wiping your ass?

I always wondered how blind guys know when they're done. In any case, it makes a good argument for not rimming any blind dudes...

poop_goes_the_weasel's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I didn't know that most people looked too! I always felt weird for doing it.

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

Bilgey, you're the best cat wiping facsimile i know!

and MSG, may i ask why you don't just use wipes?
_______
i love poop.

i love poop.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I'm not arrogant enough to think I've ever had an original thought...except for the wiping with cats thing...and even then, I am wrong, three years ago, on this very story (first page of comments) TSV said:
The Shit Volcano (3275) -- 01.16.2004

I always use the empty brown tube. If none are available I call my cats.

I am only a copy, and not a very good one. (sigh)

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I always look, primarily to see if there is anything abnormal in the poop; it's a lot easier to see it there than down in the bowl. I always wipe as clean as I can with plain paper, then use something on the paper to get cleaner. At home I use Noxzema on the last piece of t.p.; feels nice, gets almost all the remaining poop off. At work, I have a bottle of skin salve that I can use. At another toilet, I have to rely on spit. I just get as clean as I can, then at my next shower I really finish cleaning myself. If possible, at home, I poop, then shower. Obviously impractical at work or the mall.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I always look....but not for the reasons you may think. Its a sure fire money maker. One time, I looked and staring back at me in bas relief was the Virgin Mother Mary...sold that hunk of TP on e-bay for 40 grand. Now, since I use cats, I look, but only to see if I may have created a suitable "Pinto Pony" for gay midget cowboy porn movie, entitled "Brokeback Molehill".

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

is Tydirium still around? i'm really curious as to how he's able to feel whether he's clean through the paper. all of the options i can think of are way more gross than just looking at the paper.
_______
i love poop.

i love poop.

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

hey Streaker, there was actually a poll recently asking for opinions on the automatic flushers. http://www.poopreport.com/Poll/automatic_flush_toilets.html

in response to the original question, yes i do look at the paper. who doesn't?? and of course you should! how else will know if you got it all??
_______
i love poop.

i love poop.

Streaker's picture

For what it is worth, I stand, fold, and always have nothing left visibly before I consider the job done.

Here is my issue... at work they put in an automated flushing mechanism that goes off promptly after standing up. As a "stander", I find this default totally apprehensible and disgusting as I haven't "cleared the area" before the splash back from the flush starts to happen. So to thwart the all seeing eye, I drape paper over it so I can stand and wipe in peace before removing the toilet blindfold and going on my way.

Anyone else annoyed by this type of standing discrimination?

P.S.- My thought is that the majority of women sit because they do that anyway for #1, but that menfolk are evenly split between sitting and standing. And the folding of the paper... gotta teach that to your kids... I was 20 before I figured out why I kept clogging the toilets.

xyz's picture

It is absolutely important that all the poop is removed from the anus, before pulling up your pants or else infection will result. I always look at the TP and only if it comes out clean after wiping, i give up. However, in other parts of the world people use water for anal cleansing. Water maybe more effective and faster in removing fecal stains from the anus, but it requires the use of your hand touching the anus, so the hand must be thoroughly washed with plenty of soap if water is to be used. The reason i say water maybe more effective is based on this analogy. There's a dirty car with lots of dust on it. You can wipe the dust off with a cloth, or you can wash it with water. Washing with water would be more effective. But this is a cultural issue basically. In either case, using water or TP, the best must be done to make sure the anus is completely clean so that infection doesn't result.

Frank2401's picture
l 100+ points

I have yet to find a comment by GGG that I have not laughed at. (see comment above from 4.22.2006 about some persons head) I am quickly becoming her biggest fan. She is flawless!

turdfan's picture
l 100+ points

I just look after I think I've had the final wipe to make sure the paper is clean. If it's not, I keep up the wiping until it is.

prima donna's picture

i use baby wipes. so fresh and so clean!

Fresh Faeces's picture

Wow, finally a site that's right up my street! Ok, I want to go back to the debate about being clean, you know - having a ring without the blemishes...so, I HAVE to look at the TP. Simple, if I don't look i have no idea whether my anus is clean. I score my movements out of ten, a clean pass, no splash, and clean TP = 10/10. Unfortunately that doesn't happen as often as i'd like it to. Mostly i'm using half a TP roll and wincing with pain as the paper takes another skin layer off my rectum with each wipe. BUT, i found a cure! If i'm home, and the bathroom's free, I can wipe most of the poop off, then use the shower attachment over the bath to blast the rest off. Anyone else tried the 'home colonic' rememdy?

Louis's picture

I hate taking a poop. It's this nasty part of living. Especially after I shower. It almost feels like i am clean too deep. I mean I get to the point where I spread my cheeks as much as possible to get it as clean as possible. Sometimes it even hurts after I have cleaned so much.

Good Dumps's picture

Not all dumps are good. I appreciate leaving a good log like the next guy, especially a good movement with a clean break. There is no discussion of clean breaks here. Anyway, I used to be a stander, but found that tired my legs when squatting for a bad dumpd requiring extra work. Maybe out of laziness, I've resigned full time to the sitting wipe. It Shit, front to back, back to front, whatever combinationation leaves a clean hole. For particualrly bad dumps, a little water on the tp can disentigrate those resilient shards that just don't seem to break down no matter how many time you poke it. That requires several flushes though as it can plog the shitter. However, too much tp makes it difficult tomawe at your accomplishment. A putty knife is also helpful for those stubborn shards caked in your ass. I recommend bringing a putty knife when traveling.

pr8425's picture

PLEASE, please read my comments, friends: I don't know why this is all so complicated.

Firstly, I never have skid marks. And I've never wiped while sitting down (I stand up, but bend over a bit, enough so that the anus is exposed, holding the left cheek with one hand). I can't imagine why anyone would be sitting down and try to wipe. I always go front to back (unless there's something still hanging, in which case I just drop the tp in the bowl immediately of course).

You must be clean, completely, especially to avoid later itching/irritation and/or infection. Don't "scrub" back and forth (that's irritating to the skin, and doesn't do much good especially with dry tp); just one direction, pressing firmly and thoroughly. I always fold the tp at least 2-3 times, or more, depending on how thin it is.

You CANNOT get truly clean with dry tp. You're only fooling yourself. There MUST be wetness. Would you clean your dirty hands with a piece of dry paper towel, with no water?! In my bathroom, I fold the tp once again after the first wipe, drop a goodly amount of spit on it or just sprinkle a little water on it to dampen it (since my sink's right there), and wipe again with a clean section (of the re-folded, "re-thickened" paper). I keep doing this with more tp (wetting it on each second and subsequent wipe). Have never gotten irritation or bleeding or soreness. Same procedure if I'm in someone else's house. You must keep doing this until it's clean. If I'm taking a shower immediately afterwards, then I don't need to do any of this of course: just a simple wipe or two and that's it.

If in a public restroom, do the following: before going into the stall, take 2 or 3 paper towels, and sprinkle water on them liberally, till they're reasonably wet. Then after you're finished doing your "business", use the above-mentioned wiping procedure with the tp, until it's getting pretty clean, and then you have, at your disposal--(no pun intended), three nice, wet paper towels to wipe and practically "bathe" the entire area(!) - as much as you need to, till they're absolutely clean as a whistle. You can fold the each wet paper towel and/or just keep using different portions of them. No bidet needed. With both the tp and the wet paper towels, wipe front to back firmly and press thoroughly all the way to the anus, each time. It's virtually like taking a bath and coming out really clean.

By the way, the person who wondered how in the world to dry off after using a bidet, I've never used one myself but I would imagine that all you have to do is take a few tissues from the kleenex dispenser (which should be in every bathroom), or if there's no kleenex, just use a sufficient amount of folded up tp! -- or what using about a face towel?

One more thing --- if you're constipated, you need considerably more magnesium in your diet! I take a highly absorbable form, magnesium glycinate (a couple hours before or after I take my calcium, since magnesium is not well assimilated when calcium is present). Sorry if this is a bit off-topic but it's one of the most crucial nutrients in the human diet: important for keeping the nerves calm (less irritability and higher spirits), for the regularity of the heartbeat, for calcium absorption, for preventing gall stones and kidney stones, lowering cholesterol, optimizing bone structure, etc.

pr8425

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points

I have a hairy ass so its even harder to clean up. Wet wipes are essential and yes so is LOOKING. There is nothing worse than a person who smells like UNWASHED ASS.

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

Anonymous Coward's picture

I applaud all of you who share so selflessly, that others may be wiser for your "efforts"! I too tend to wipe a lot, I do look (gotta be certain! Don't want no stinkin' ass rot!!) I am amazed at how each group of wipers simply can't conceive how any other technique can work. I occasionally get a little blood (the skin around your ass can be scratched easily for some --- not to mention hemorrhoids), which I hate. I even went to the doctor after one particularly scary incident many years ago. Apparently infrequent bright red blood isn't as scary as dark black blood in the stool (just FYI). It's actually quite comforting to see that I'm not the only one who worries about his tidy hiney. I am soooo looking for one of those little water jet thingies to try out!!

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points

If you don't look at the paper, how do you know that you are completley clean? What if there is blood on the toilet paper, if you don't look, you will never know. Those who don't look at the paper, check your undies.
_______
Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

Anonymous Coward's picture

Scrub your ass til its clean
Even if you must be mean.
Scrape it with a big wood rasp
Until in agony you gasp.
Wipe off all crap and stinky turd
Leave no trace of poop or merde.
Look at the paper if you must
If you won't puke in disgust.

SamDamnit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Dear Coward. Waxing your ass hole has to be the stupidest idea that I have ever heard.
_______
Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Anonymous Coward's picture

for those with hairy ass holes, get it waxed. it makes a world of difference. it hurts but is totally worth it. and usually isnt too expensive, and last awhile. just ask for a brasilian BACK! (be sure to check the paper, so to speak, before your appointment)

Sticky's picture

I always look - it's instinct and I'm sure it goes back centuries. People can be divided into 2 categories, those who look and those who don't. Those who don't are gradually becoming wiped out, it's survival of the cleanest.

I find the best way for me to clean is to remain on the pan, and after looking through my legs at my new creation, raising my feet so that the only contact I have with the ground is the tips of my toes. This gives a great angle wiping.

SamDamnit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

I always look after wiping. I like to interpret the contents, like a Rorshach test.
_______
Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Grateful pooper's picture

Well... Not being a fan of the absolute filth that can be found on the net, but wanting to improve my wiping technique i carefully surfed to here. Thanks for all the tips... I have very low body-odour, so pooping remnants are the main reason I have to regularly shower. I think I will try for more wipes to make sure minimal remnants remain. Hairy butts are a curse.

Intellectualdump's picture

I befriended a blind boy my own age (who sadly died a teenager). Taking him to the toilet meant guiding him to the bathroom, and then showing him the position of the toilet and the toilet roll, and also the flushing handle. He sat down for both toilet functions. Sometimes he asked me to stay if he wasn't very confident of the surroundings, just while he pulled his trousers down and sat down. He always said that there was no need for him to look at the paper. He knew when he was completely clean. While he was doing what he had to do, including wiping, I stayed outside. When he had flushed, and the noise of the cistern subsided, he called to me to go back in. Blind people need as much dignity as possible, and to perform these intimate functions as much as possible without help.

Although I am not blind - very much full-sighted - I have experience from my early childhood of my granny's outside toilet which had no light. Sitting in the dark with my trousers pulled down on that old wooden seat was a formative experience, and I soon learned to feel that my bottom was clean, without looking. We had mod cons at home, but I am glad that I had that experience.

(I now look at the paper every few days, to see if there is any blood - I have no problems, but it is a sensible precaution.;

Anonymous Messy Ass's picture

I do the messyest nastyest shits in history, occasionaly I do a shit that requires no wipes, tho I do a few anyhow, I am very pedantic about clean up.

Anyone any idea how to stop these messy messy shits? Should I see a dietician? Perhaps something I eat doesn't agree with me. I drink a lot of milk... I eat brown bread toasted for breakfast, I thought that might actually help, but perhaps its the problem. any ideas?

poopotopia's picture

have you guys ever heard of water - wash yourselves after doing the business. I can't get over the fact that you people still have poop on your backside. Its even worse when you pass someone and they haven't washed and the smell is unbearable!!

Anonymous Coward's picture

Have all you people ever heard of a jug of water to take into the bog with you so you can actually wash yourself before you leave the toilet! I can't believe that you lot only wipe with tissue - talk about being dirty. Even people in the jungle wash themselves after going to the toilet - and you call yourself a sophisticated society!!!!

Leroy Mercer's picture

How does a blind dude know he's finished the paper work?

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

Dear Anonymous C--

That's fine for when you're at home, but what about the dumps people take at their workplace, or at their mother's house, or at school, or at the doctor's office, or at a gas station, or at a store, or at a park? THERE AREN'T BIDETS IN THOSE PLACES!

All I can say to you is that it's a good thing for your head that your butt is as clean as you claim it is.

Anonymous Coward's picture

To me... all of this is a moot point: if you all don't use a bidet with soap every time after you poop you're just gross. why would you accept all the bacteria circling your ring hole? My ass is as clean as my mouth most of the time...

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

Yes, please look, and don't stop wiping until you get to CLEAN paper! Please. For the good of all humanity.


_______
I CAN'T go to work today. The voices said to stay home and clean the guns!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I'm surprised how many people out there don't look when they wipe. Not surprisingly, a lot of these people have skidmarks and smell like shit.

Crap Master, a hairy assed person like myself clips the hair so it doesn't catch toilet paper and poop all the time. Use one of those bikini line clippers they sell at the drug store.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Crap Master's picture

What about guys (girls?) with hairy holes? How the hell are we supposed to handle this situation? My wife won't shave there for me, and I can't see it even with a mirror. I got a big ass!

Here is the only resolution I've come up with:
1:wipe
2:Flush
3:Fresh paper dip in water.
4:wipe
5:wipe with dry paper
6:check paper for marks
7:if paper has marks, back to 3.

2literTurd's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Hey, Cracktacular... I have been called a lot of things, but Turd Terrorist has never been one of them... I like it. Hey, Le Stink... will you marry me?

Le Stink's picture

Also:

Where does this wiping front 2 back (away from vag/peen towards butthole) require an under the leg manuever?

I've actually had a co-worker ask me to show her how I wipe like that. I simply lift my little ass off the seat a bit , legs spread slightly. Then I place the TP a little before my butt hole and wipe. How is that hard? I suppose it's easier the thinner you are b/c she was a fuller woman and said it was harder for her b/c of that. But squatting over the bowl is better b/c if it's a hard shit, any pieces that might fall off will land in the bowl and your cheeks are naturally spread.

Yes? No?

Le Stink's picture

OK, I feel righteous in making the claim that I am a *PROFESSIONAL SHITTER*.

Usually I have to undress completely and put my hair up for fear of backsplash. I take monsterous dumps (my bf actually calls me "Dumps") and I am proud of my creations. Almost always, my poo creates tidle waves when hitting the toilet water. Not because the water level is low, but because my logs (using 'turds' is inappropiate b/c they are so big) are so hard and enormous.

Secondly, I find it enjoyable to smoke a cigarette while shitting. My boyfriend gave me this idea. To those of you who don't smoke, I'm sorry. But to those of you who do, you'll understand what I mean. You know that morning coffee and cigarette are just the formula necessary to clean those bowels in the early morning. That cig helps get it brewing. And I'm not gonna lie, it feels damn good.

Now, I always look at my crap. Always. It's funny. I've even taken pictures of my largest ones and made my bf look at them. We get a kick out of it. Most of the time my logs will break in half b/c the bottom portion has hit the bottom of the toilet and can't go any farther, and the broken ends are fun to critique ("oh, it resembles a hippo!, etc.).

Since I'm a chic, I always wipe from front to back. I don't want shit getting into my vag b/c that's nasty and dangerous. Very bad. So I take a big wad of toilet paper AFTER i flush my doodie and make sure I get the little ass clumps off before wiping. Otherwise it will just smear my shit all over. I have clogged my toilet many times in the past, and my parents are always yelling at me for it. So you should flush before putting the first TP in the bowl. I also always wet the TP with water from my sink, which it conveniently right next to me so I don't have to get up. You need to do this because it ensures your bunghole will be clean. Baby wipes are also a slick option. YOU NEED TO LOOK WHEN YOU WIPE GUYS!! That's just sick if you don't. You can't tell by feel.

I've had the runs and my asshole gets so numb and soar that I can't tell quite when I'm done. What do you do in situations like that? Go by SMELL? I'd keel over and die if I did that b/c my poops are sick. And FOLD the TP when you go to wipe, don't crumple it, because you don't know if one of the little edges will have poo on it and then get on your hand. They stick out and they made you butt soar. Just fold it so it is smooth. And yeah re-using is fuckin nasty, whoever first mentioned that I totally agree.

I definately wipe till my ass bleeds, unless it's a ghost shit and there's nothing on the paper. Then, of course, you need to wipe a couple times to be sure. You never know, shit can be tricky. I recommmend water with those as well.

Some funny things to do:

1) I like to call someone as I'm taking a shit and make them listen to the plopping sound as it hits the water. It's great.

2) Invite your significant other into the bathroom while shitting (sometimes your comfortable in relationships to leave the door open anyway). After you've wiped, show them the shit smeared TP and exclaim, "CHOCOLAT??"
Hahahahaa. I do this one allll the time.

3) Don't put the fan on or spray lysol, and then ask someone to "come here for a second?" and then pull them into the bathroom and lock the door so that they have to breath in your shit stink. So funny.

Well that's all my warped mind can think of for now. Happy Shitting!!

-Madame Le Stink

TurdyTreeAnaTurd's picture
l 100+ points

My Dad used to like to tell a "story" from his youth. They had an outhouse and he claims that they used corncobs to wipe with. He said they would always take 3 corn cobs with them: 2 red cobs and one white one. First you would use a red corn cob, then use the white one to see if you needed the other red one.

Cracktacular's picture
l 100+ points

Hey, listen 2literTurd... you are a freeking turd terrorist. Reform your ways or get ye gone.

Crack kills

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points

Looker,
the dog tells them when they're done.

Pantsdown Pete's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Guys, you MUST look!

Pantsdown Pete

Looker's picture

how do blind ppl know when 2 stop wiping their bottoms?
I really don't understand... I'm thinking Bidet but i think only like 5 people in the world own Bidets so that would mean some blind people do it some other way!
BUT HOW!! :S
xxx

Anonymous Coward with huge penis's picture

the entire process of shitting and attempting to keep yourself clean after wiping is one of the things that i revere most in this world. my ass is so hairy that you could knit a sweater with its clippings - which proposes a problem. but so does a clean shaven ass/bung because i have had smeary, unsuccessful wipes after completing this process as well. i just may go on a hunger strike so i never have to shit again.

2literTurd's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

The first wipe is called your 'Picaso' In public bathrooms I always like to ask the guy shitting next to me if he "wants to see my Picaso" and then surprise there it is. I also like to take my 'Picaso' and hold it under the divider and ask 'is this clean?'

IcAnPUTmyDONGnMYAhole's picture

You gotta fold the TP, then whipe, then double take the TP.....DONT ACT LIKE IF THE TP HAS A SPOT AND YOUR IN A HURRY YOU WOULDNT STOP WHIPING!!!!!!!!.......but you gotta wash up real good......IM FUCKIN WASTED!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

As I have stated before.. How the hell do you know if you're clean if you don't look?!?!?!

Freaks!

Oh, and merry Christmas!

Freaks!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Cracktacular's picture
l 100+ points

It never even occured to me not to look.

Crack kills

Archimedes's picture

Dear all
I was in India some time back and those fuckers hv a gr8 way of cleaning their rings
They have this jet kinda thing attached to the toilet seat
When u r done with shitting u just turn on the jet which washes away ur anus squeeqing clean
Then u can use regular tp to clean away the shitty water
really works wonders saves a lotta time, u dun get ur hands dirty and ur ass is clean like it neva shat
i m actually gonna ask my pal to get it from iindia next time around he visits us

p.s my record fastest ass cleaning time has been 38 secs flat
now can u beat that?

WTF_Gorn's picture

Oh yes, and another thing. I never use TP. Can you beleive it? I don't poop ultra clean or anything. It just doesn't feel sanitary, so why should I use it?

Before you start thinking"oh, this guy is soooooo gross, he walks around with poop still on him, I can't even think what his laundry must look like!", I always go #1 at home. And if I'm out, I'll hold it until I get home. That why, after I'm done, it's straight to the shower to get myself cleaned up. Or in those rare occurences where you can't possibly hold it, I'll use TP in a public bathroom and take a shower as soon as I get home.

WTF_Gorn's picture

LOL Ty. If poopie was meant to come out of us as far away as possible, we'd all be pooping out the heels of our feet!

ahh's picture

yes some men do it this way by taking the paper going around the back wiping and then looking a the tp, although I continue to experiment I usauly do it that way and sit by the way something this new eara can still do is wipe

i'll have the poopoo platter's picture

Of course the best way is to shit just before a shower, that way you can be sure you're gonna have a clean fresh ass for the rest of the day. Unfortunately this is not always possible, in this case my preferred method is to wipe sitting down but I almost always require a final standing wipe or two to finish the job properly. Now that I know standing wiping is more common place than I previously thought, I may try standing during the whole wiping procedure to see how that goes. Also I don't understand how girls can put their hand between their legs and wipe front to back in a kind of pushing motion, surely it's easier to go around the side and pull backwards. I've only known girls to use this method but maybe some guys do too, maybe someone could shed some light on the logistics of this issue for me.

MidEastCrapper's picture

ok, ok... I really have to ask how the hell people use water to clean their ass... I mean, ok. I'm in Baghdad, right? The Iraqis don't have toilet paper in their lavatories.. they have a squatting (Asian style) toilet and a pitcher filled with water. I SUPPOSE what they do is fill the water in their hands and splash it on their ass while squatting over the toilet? How does this get your ass clean? I mean, splashing can't get all the crap as when you WIPE it! That would mean that they actually put THEIR HAND IN THEIR ASS to clean the shit out... this disturbs me..
Also (this applies to bidets also) How the hell do you dry off? Do you just walk around with a wet asshole? How do you avoid getting poopy water all over your clothes? I am genuinely curious..

Oh, yeah, I'm a standing wiper. I really don't understand the logistics of putting your arm under your leg and wiping your ass! There's no range of motion! I've tried it before and rendered impossible. The right way is to stand- bend over slightly, seperate the cheeks with one hand, and wipe with the other

WelshBoy's picture

I thought everyone stood up to wipe. I have however experimented with wiping sitting down when feeling either too lazy or physically drained to stand. My findings were that the process was extremely difficult, and still required a final standing wipe to completely remove all traces of exctrament.

I do worry that many people are unaware of how to wipe properly.

It takes a lot of TP's picture

I have to use a lot of TP. Mostly because I'm fat. It's like I keep wiping and wiping, and there's still more to wipe. Plus I'm drunk, so I'll have the beer shits in the morning. Those always smell nice. Srlsy

Joseph Todlog's picture

Well, I'm a stickler for ass cleanliness. I can't stand any itching. I wipe, standing, front to back a few times. Then, I (because I fold it) push the paper as far into the darkness as I can and swirl it around. I do this until it is either completely clean or the bloody has become more than the shitty, which bites at times, especially during bad days where I have to go several times. I think I have an oversensitive ass...I bleed EVERY time I use cheap institution paper, but only if I go three or more times in a day with good ole quilted northern.

Ass blood bites, but man, itching is worse.

-JT

p.s. Go front to back, if you go back to front, the shit gets into your choad and sweats onto your balls. If you've ever had your balls smell like shit, that's why. (I personally never have, but by process of elimination (and asking my friends personal questions when they bitch about their ball stink)) I've come to determine that back to front leads to stinky boys.

Chit Winterwheat's picture

My stepson uses too much toilet paper. He blocked the loo once. I myself have only ever needed to use ONE piece of TP. ( My ass is generally pretty ripe though ) The only time i had to use multiple toilet paper was when i ate some fresh mackerel on holiday. Boy did i regret it. I was driving the car into weymouth when my guts started gargling like some demented fecker with a sore throat using TCP. I tried to squeeze my ass cheeks together and think of something else.....but the inevitable happened. The shit exploded out of ass like a fecking nuclear bomb ( only worse ) The shit was more like gravy than shit.....extremely runny but with the odd lumpy bit. When we got back to the caravan i decided that it was no good and that i would have to use TWO pieces of TP. Boy did that break my tightfisted arsehole heart.

Shitty Shitty Bang Bang's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Oh and one more I forgot to mention-- I NEED water to feel clean. Even after I've wiped till my ass is bleeding and skid mark free, I jump into the shower and wash my ass with soap and water-- removable shower massagers are a plus.

How can you ppl just wipe clean and pull up ur underpants? I've tried it and it feels so gross. Not to mention charmins and their damn lint residue!!

Shitty Shitty Bang Bang's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

hey STONE COLD, 2 feet long??? LMAO ROF!!! thats sick!!!!

Shitty Shitty Bang Bang's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I'm a female and i go through half a role a day-- damn proud too! First I take handfulls of TP and wipe from top to bottom (a little bit above the ass to about halfway to the vagina but not yet making it there) lest I FEEL the little klingers being bulldozed by the TP at which i just drop the TP into the bowl w/o looking. Then I repeat till all klingers are gone. Then I LOOK at my TP to ensure I'm skid mark free. Sometimes I do it till I bleed. And I don't stand or sit, I kinda HOVER above the toilet, slighty bent forward. And inbetween my wiping, I also wipe from front to back (vagina to ass) Cuz as females, you don't want poopy bacteria around yer coochie-- thats one way unrinary infections start. You females NEED to wipe your coochies too after yer poo! And you men need to wipe that fleshy area just behind ur ballz too.

I feel so obsessed w/ wiping my ass and I hate making the poor thing bleed, but i don't know any other way..

stone_cold_steven_hawking's picture

You always look after to take the number 1. Every shit is different. I've had gastric bypass surgery, so it gets interesting sometimes. Sometimes it's normal, other times, especially after you've eaten something sweet or really greasy, it's runny. This one time I swore I pissed out of my ass.

This one time, I was drinking this red punch, and it went right through me. I didn't realize it at the time, but when I had to take a dump, I was all worried because it was red, and I thought I was bleeding internally.

All shits are different. Some feel good, some others are comparable to birthing a child. Some make you stare in awe and wonder of your child. My record was two feet long.

JJ's picture

Ehh... I first take the shit.... then i get my wad of toilet paper, stand up and face the toilet... looking at my shit while i wipe my ass from the sak up towards my back... and after i insepct the peper to see if i need another wipe...

theres nothing wrong at looking at what you have created... if you can look at your piss why not your turd...??? its yours.. dont be ashamed of it

Ben's picture

Standing is BAD. Just imagine all the shit push together as you stand. Sit, wipe and check!! ANyway, the anus is more spread when you are s itting or squatting. Isn't life complicated enough? Why make more hard work???????

Le Poo's picture

Never forget to look.

poopy's picture

i dont care!

Stand is the only way's picture

I cant fathom how people sit when they wipe. Standing makes its easier to clean, especially if it is a "dirty poop" When standing, the suction from the butt cheeks forms a vacuem and the poopyness is contained and when you wipe, from front to back, you break the vacuem seal and wipe up everything. NO dirtyness. I have tried a few times sitting, and it just doens;t work. if you are taller than 6 feet as i am, it is almost impossible and you have to hover instead of sit. Your arm gets touched by your penis and gets all dirty and because you lack the butt cheek vacuem, the poop can drip on your wrist. It is just not practical for upright bidped humans. Standing is the only posible way. Then you can check the tp and toss it in the toilet.

Ben's picture

Since I am a squatter, I already have a full view of what has been released. I always sit for the wiping and look to see if it's all clean. At home, I also use the bidet. When shitting on the road, I always wipe again when I go for the next pee sitting down

1 poop 2 poop 3 poop....eww's picture

I just started to catch on to this, and it may be helpful. If you hold your poop in, say you're in a car or out somewhere, and you wait till you get home to take your dump, then it'll take forever to wipe your bung clean. Sometimes for me if that happens, I have to re-wipe periodically after I poop, like every 30 minutes. It's really weird. I've never told anyone about it, and I'm wondering if it's common. BTW...I love this forum!

Ex-Soviet's picture

Ladies and Gentlemen, let me tell you the related story of why it is important to wipe your (especially hairy)ass clean - a full medical examination was taking place for new 18 year old draftees for military service. One of the doctors was a proctologist. He demanded you to bend over and spread your cheeks to obtain full view of your asshole in its full glory. So one of the guys does what he is told. The doctor looks at it and says "Next time come to me without the croutons." I leave it your imagination...

givetp2me's picture

There is a site for everything. I have had a few
weeks in a row where every wipe seems to be 1/4
roll of tp. Must be something we can eat different to change the texture of our shit.

Open Says Me's picture

When I was six years old, I had an accident wherein my right knee had to be stitched up and a board and wrap was applied behind my leg to keep it straight..As some of the stand-up and wipe crowd would know, doing so would cause me a problem as how to wipe my backside...No worry, for my sisters gagged and puked and wiped my ass for me! It took two of them, one to help me stand and puke while the other gagged and wiped.

To this day I stand and wipe... I face the toilet, placing my right foot on the edge of it and reaching over to my right side with my left hand I spread the cheeks. With my right-hand I then wipe, check and rewipe if necessary.

Beer Shits and Smokes!'s picture

Don't laugh, but I am a smoker. Upon awakening I walk outside with a cup of coffee and a couple smokes to start my day -- er, afternoon, if I spent the previous night partying. Like so many others, when the "beer shits" come, do not hesitate and rush to the toilet. They will almost always start after a couple sips of coffee and a few drags left on a cigarette....

..When this happens to me, that is -- when my stomach or bowels start gurgling, I squeeze my ass cheeks tighter and tighter to hold any coming explosion (all in effort to finish my cigarette!)

When I think I have my bowels under control, by twisting my legs into a figure 8 and thus squashing my balls, I feel I can control it and have another smoke, or perhaps take tiny baby-steps down the driveway to fetch the morning paper, then go to the bathroom!...But something always happens it seems...I feel something dribble down the backside of my leg. Yep, its liquid shit!!!!

Yes...30 years old and I still shit my pants! Anyone else so foolish as I am?

Count Poopula's picture

I only look when I get up to wipe with the baby wipes.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I've found the opposite. I can't wipe sitting down or I end up with poo marks on my buttcheeks.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Sitting Wiper's picture

Like you, Poopie, I can't wipe standing up. I've tried it, while reading this website. Someone has written on another forum about wiping small children standing up when you separate their cheeks to push the paper in. I've done that -wipe others' bums when they are standing, but not my own.

Poopie's picture

You HAVE to look after you wipe. If you don't, how will you know whether or not you're clean? I usually have to wipe at LEAST 3-4 times to get myself squeaky clean. I wipe, look, wipe, look, wipe, look, until the TP comes away clean! I'm sorry, but those of you who DON'T look are UNCLEAN. As for this "standing to wipe thing", all I can say is... WTF? How the HELL can you properly wipe yourself when you're STANDING? When you're sitting, your ass cheeks are separated, making it easier to clean up down there, but when you stand, your ass cheeks are smooshed together, therefore also smooshing any residual poop all along the crack of your ass. Ewww. Sitting to wipe, and wiping 3-4 times minimum while checking the TP each time, is the ONLY way to be clean, as far as I'm concerned!

werewolf pooping on trees's picture

OK EWWW!! A hairy butt? Can I give you some adivce? If the hair is making it hard to wipe, why don't you shave it or something? I recommend the Perfect Touch, it doesn't hurt at all.
Of course, if you mean there's even hair in your buttcrack, I can't help you.
But that was off subject. I do check my toilet paper, even though I don't think that's very ladylike, I'm not into being ladylike. I usually have clean poops(almost nothing on the toilet paper) but looking at the paper can tell me if I'm starting my time of month before it ruins my panties.

andy's picture

I stand when I wipe, its the only way. I can't fathom how you can possibly fit your hand under your ass so close to the shit and wipe. Sometimes with one hand i will pull my ass cheeks apart to get the TP right in there.

Also i have an extreemly hairy ass, its revolting and i have to shower often. Its IMPOSSIBLE to wipe a hairy ass clean after a messy shit with just TP.

I also like to inspect my shit, one to see if its got blood in it but also im curious to what my shit looks like.

Sitting Wiper's picture

What a superb description of toilet paper - an anal report card! Some writers on 'Poop Report' elevate this basic human function into something poetic and beautiful.

make a swish foundation's picture

yes i like to drop reek then peek. It is the only way to know your clear. Otherwise you run the risk of the time wasting, disconcerting rewipe later in the afternoon. Is it different from blowing your nose and looking at the tissue. There are similarities and differences. I look at the tissue not to confirm that I am done but rather to see what the fuck is coming out of my body. Is that boog green. Similarly with the sit and shit the peek just confirms that all is clear as well as an anal report card. How am I doing in reverse mawology. Did I pass my exams.

Sitting wiper's picture

Licking TP - could you say that is bad taste?

The sitting/standing debate. I've tried it - when on my own, and no chance of my young boys wandering in - and I just can't do it.

There is no shower option for me - because I do that when I get up before breakfast. My trousers don't ask me to pull them down until after breakfast.

I USUALLY know when I have wiped clean without looking. My 7 year old boy is now confident enough not to look. Our four year old no longer needs us to give him a final check-up wipe, but still shows us his dirty paper, with a running commentary until it

Slim Jim Junkie's picture

PDD, I would never lick the TP, but after a lot of spicy butt mudd, I do need a little water from the sink to cool off.

lookyloo's picture

I am a front wiper with a hairy ass. but you guys with a hairy ass should stay away from the charmin tp. it leaves tiny lint balls all over your but hair nad in the arternoon when you get home check your underwear out that is where the skidmarks come from. any guys out there had this happen?

Poop Doggy Dogg's picture

Yeah, I look at the poop after I poop and after I wipe, I look at the paper, and keep wiping ad nauseum, but get this: I was married to a man who licked the toilet paper before wiping. Oh God. My dear old dad used to dab the toilet paper with a drop of water from the sink before wiping, ostensibly for the same purpose (increasing cleansing power, maybe?), but licking was where I drew the line. Any other lickers out there? I shudder to ask.

fn's picture

I LOOK

Bears Do it's picture

I am comfortable with shitting in the woods. When camping and what not you may not have tp readily availible. Remeber after using leafs aways rewipe when u get back home.

Slim Jim Junie's picture

Well, girl without a name, not all anal bleeding is caused by TP friction. I mean how many people have pinched a loaf that was a 1/4 inch too wide for their anus? Sometimes thqt can make people wonder if they are bleeding. Also, in cases where the shit isn't moving out without a high powered grunt, it sends more blood to the anus, and if the walls are already thin, it can bleed. Another problem can happen with flamming Habanero dumps. They can irritate the skin so much that the anus can't take it anymore!

clean assss's picture

every time i wipe i wet the tp manny times and then when i am done i wash with soap and water there is nothing worse than a rot ass

SecretPooper's picture

I have to look to make sure I am clean; however, I have not one issue addressed. Do you ever wipe and wipe and wipe and wipe again and NEVER get a clean return? Where is this poo hiding to avoid detection?

the girl without a name's picture

Why have several ppl commented on bleeding if you wipe sitting down? How hard do yall wipe? Sure- it takes 4 or 5 times but you dont have to dig in there. Yall should get something checked out...

diggy doo's picture

some of you must have big hands, b.c i've never in my life gotten my hands wet in the toilet water.
i'm a sitter. it's the only way. seriously. i work at a jack shack, so i've seen the bowels of thousands of guy's drawers. i guess i'm qualified to speak on the topic. now i understand why about 80% of guys have the skids. they stand. the great mystery has finally been solved. we all thought guys were just plain disgusting, a different breed from us ladies, but it really stems from a lack of proper childhood training. we actually have guys that leave turds on the sofas. it happens a lot more than you think. and it just ain't right. neither is the guy that tries to pay us to eat mexican and then shit his face, but i guess that's a hole different topic..
how can you walk around with a shitty hole?? i heard this on a radio show once- Confucious say: go to bed with itchy butt, wake up with smelly finger...

Jimbo's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I too stand up while wiping, but as of late, a disturbing trend has begun occur: shedding. Yes, I say shedding brothers and sisters. This event occurs when during a wipe, small, dryer bits of poo, roughly the size of rice, fall unwittlingly to the floor, the toilet seat, etc. Then, I must spend the next 2 minutes wiping this mess up as well...

Hiroshita   (french guy sorry)'s picture

Once i did the 69 position with a cute and sexy chick.
As you know I had my nose really close to her anus,
It was smelling so damn bad I lost my stiffy.
The reason is evident: This girl was not a tp looker.
Not looking at your TP is WRONG WRONG WRONG

Splatter_Dan's picture

I look just as an after thought to make sure there is not any blood on the TP. Only happened twice, but it always concerns me.

Sitting Wiper's picture

Would anyone have guessed that so much could be written on the subject of how we wipe our bottoms? Perhaps the time has come for a toilet paper company to finance a department in a university devoted to the subject. Large departments have a chair (the seat of which could have a hole in the middle)or, for a smaller department, a readership. Chairs have a professor, and readerships have a reader. The latter might be a bit confusing, because another department might soon be needed, on who reads on the toilet and who doesn't (perhaps financed by a publishing company).

I have never asked my friends I've made since childhood, who of them sits to wipe, and who stands. I have taken part in wiping training for three boys - my own younger brother and my two little sons. We have all assumed that sitting was the norm.

Also, in our younger teenage stage, one or two friends sleeping over night at each other's houses would often all be in the bathroom together in the morning. We all sat to wipe.

Actually my best friend of that group and I went through a stage aged about 11 and 12, when we wiped each other! This was repeated out of necessity when older - when going camping, sometimes we had to squat in the woods, and we found it easier to wipe each other. (The one who had been wiped, and whose hands were still clean, had to pull down the pants of the other one who had done the wiping!)

I told that best friend and my younger brother about the standing position to wipe. We have all tried it, and can't do it properly. The sitting position opens up the hole - for things to be free to come out, and also for the toilet paper to go in. I like to push paper in as far as it will go and have a thorough clean.

My seven year old is a perfect wiper, with no soiled underpants, and the four year old is getting there. His older brother or I give a final wipe when he has finished just to check, and before long we won't have to.

We believe in conservation, but we also believe that you shouldn't economise on toilet paper. Because we have a high fibre diet with plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables, our 'droppings' are moderately soft. We take some time to wipe.

CanadianPooper's picture

I know that most women will wipe their 'kitty' when pooping, but do any of the guys out there do it? I'm a sit-down wiper and since you invariably piss while you poop and don't have the chance to do a 'shake down' -- I think its a requirement to wipe your drainpipe after wiping your rear or face having increased smegma/pee buildup (especially if you're not circumcised). For those that are stand-up-wipers, you're at risk of dripping unless you wipe your pecker too. So does anyone else do this? Even at urinals, if I happen to have tissue handy its nice to wipe up -- just feels much cleaner!

As for the sitdown vs standup issue - I've tried both and the sitdown works better. Standup makes the cheeks mush the hole a bit and invariably makes for a messier wipe session (at least for me).

Chris's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Skidfilter fart- Filtering a fart through a skidmark in yer drawers. This would make an otherwise scentless fart smell like the shitty, sweaty skidmark it just passed through!

Chris's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Skidfilter fart-Blasting a fart through a skidmark in yer drawers. This would make an otherwise scentless fart scented!

Chris's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Stand up, take a look at what you just blessed yer shitter with, and proceed to wipe. Reaching back and wiping bottom-to-top until no more shit is on the paper. Then, wipe top-to-bottom for the finish! Spotless!!! No skidmarks in the whities and no skidfilter farts!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I wash in the sink whenever I get a million wiper. It's easier on my cornhole.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

the grim wiper's picture

Wiping can be such a chore. How is it possible that there can be anything left after wiping and wiping?

I usually go in the morning, but not until I get to work. We only have two washrooms; each has one toilet and a sink, decent fan, and a locking door. Not a bad set up...total privacy. If either door is closed, you know someones in there. There's no rude knocking, or jiggling the door knob.

Anyhow, what I frequently do if I'm encountering an eternal wipe situation is I hop right up on the sink counter with my ass in the sink, run some hot water, and soap myself up. Why not? Squeaky clean, dry myself with paper towel, and clean the sink with hot water and soap when I'm done. No one the wiser. Is there anyone else out there in the entire world that does this, or am I a freak? Is this wrong?

fart monkey's picture

If you wipe more than 4 times, you probably ain't done shitting.

I always look at my poo paper. When I see blood, I know it is time to get of the pot.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Well you shake off before you stand, Dook.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Dook of Earl's picture

Another question for standing wipers. If you've just endured a particularly messy incident, do you still stand and wipe? Aren't you afraid of schrapnel falling down onto your clothes, or running down your leg?

Dook of Earl's picture

I was not a looker until I had kids and realized just how much can be left behind by dry paper. Any parent who has been caught in public with a poopy toddler and opened up the diaper bag to discover in horror that you've run out of wipes and have to use TP knows what I mean. You CANNOT get clean without looking, especially when using dry wiping materials. Proper procedure is as follows: 1.dump, 2. glance at product and marvel at its color, size and consistency( I do this by looking down between my legs) 3. wipe, inspect paper, fold, wipe, toss paper 4.repeat step 3 until clean (while sitting, of course. I like the front to back side cheek wipe myself.). Also, with regard to those who stand and wipe, are you keeping one hand free to separate the butt cheeks and really clean the seal? If not, don't even try to fool yourself into thinking you're clean. The only sure way is while sitting.

PooperGal's picture

Because it's hard to splash water on your butt without getting shit on your hands - unless you have a bidet. Getting shit on your hands is unhygienic and a good way to spread disease.

Most people don't wash their hands with soap and water after crapping, and then they go and handle doorknobs, prepare food for other people, and otherwise taint the environment around them. Recently, there was a serious outbreak of intestinal disease in California, because some jerk pooped, got it on his/her hands, didn't wash thoroughly, and then handed green onions that were later used at a chain of restaurants.

TP at least puts some kind of barrier between your hand and poop.

Eastern Mystic's picture

Why the fixation with TP. Their are nations that haven't bothered with paper for this, water has done fine. It has always puzzled as to when Europeans started the whole Oh-Iam-so-clean-look-at-me-I-use-paper business Wonder what they used before paper was discovered. I real miss cleaning my butt with plain old water. You just cannot go without the joy of water coursing through the follicles around the ring. (I suggest you all try it. If you can't bear to get your hand there use moist tissues for a start.)

(If I miss my country, it is only for this reason.)

PooperGal's picture

I check when it's a soft poop, because it's guaranteed that there's going to be a lot of wiping. Smooth-slides of firm poop clean up quick and easy, and don't need a backward glance.

A few years ago, the first moistened butt wipes came up on the market. The marketing research by the manufacturers (Johnson & Johnson, etc.) indicated that a large number of people wet their toilet paper under the faucet before wiping, as it does a better cleaning job than just with dry paper.

That was revealing. My can is next the sink at home, and I always wet the TP before wiping when it's a messy poo session. But when I'm in a stall somewhere, and the sink is across the room, I use a little "spit and polish."

Deuce Fan's picture

stand or sit? look or no look? I am a shower after ALWAYS shitter! I take my dump every other day and its in the confines of my sanctuary at home. Afterward, I may or may not wipe at all...its straight to the shower for some pre clean rinse and then a series of wash cloth and soap cleaning ritual. How can you feel fresh if you dont? There is always residual and moistness left after every poo seesion. Only in emergencies does a shower not follow!

che's picture

interesting. and how do they know if they get a $20 back in change or a $5? or a $1?

sight rules!

Gman's poop's picture

How does a blind person know when they are done wiping their ass? Is their enhanced sense of smell good enough to differentiate between the shit in the pot and that shit still clinging to the paper in their hand??

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

A friend's mother in law had to use baby wipes once because they were out of paper, and now when she comes to visit, the babywipes mysteriously disappear faster.
If I am out of paper, I never fear. For some stupid reason, I almost always have kleenex in my pocket, and I carry those MRE toilet paper minis in my purse.
I'm a mom. I think we all do this.
Oh, and Paul's poop, what the hell was your childhood like? You really have to answer for that. Actually, if you want to have some fun with it, eat a blueberry Kool Aid packet and then wait about a day.
You will amaze even the most colorblind.
My childhood was nuts.
Haha.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

paul's poop's picture

Did you ever try to write on the walls with your used tp to impress the following shitter by the sickness of your shit's color??

experimentertinstien's picture

i just thought of a new name for poopreporters! hows about shit fuckers!!!

PJbrownstuff's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

You have to look. Otherwise, how do you know when you are finished?

bootykawl's picture

Hell yea, you look after you wipe...until the paper comes clean, other wise if not yer wearin skid marks on your tighty whities. I once got a public stall without TP, I got creative and used the tissue paper seat covers... pulled up my drawls and looked for a stall with some for real toilet paper... rewiped and was good to go.

ookie dookie's picture

Geez, I guess this is why they have bidet's in other countries. You really can't go wrong then, huh?

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

The sink works well, too. If you're not to heavy to sit on the edge and wash your ass.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Slim Jim Junkie's picture

Well, when I have no TP for my bunghole, I may:
1. Scrape my crack with the paper tube.
2. Run to a location with TP.
3. Use the shower.

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