I'm more of a fan of plastic or wood. They warm up a lot quicker then porceline. Although, don't get me wrong, porceline seats just feel more magestic sometimes, but God damn are they cold!! Fluffy seats are no good if you have the squirts. Yeah they look pretty but one or two shit splashes are they are done. Bathrooms are meant to be sanitary. Nothing fuzzy can be sanitary. Plastic is the way to go in my book.

I prefer wood meself. It has substance. Puffy ones are for girly girls. Plastic and porcelain are just to industrial.
First post rules. ha!

I'm with Pill Pooper. Plastic or wood is best for me. The puffy plastic ones are for women only. They don't stay up when you are taking a leak.

i want one of those japanese crappers with the heated seats

I grew up in a house with foam seats and generally do not like them, but I'm ok using them. I find that foam seats are not as sanitary as plastic or porcelain; they tend to absorb stains, often at the back of the seat...where the top of your crack can leave shitty lip prints on the seat.

On the toliet at my apartment, I have plastic seats and I am ok with those, though ultimately I like wood seats the best. They combine the firmness and leverage of a porcelain seat with more of the warmth you'll find in a puffy seat.

One last note. I definately prefer a toliet lid that is hard enough for a person to sit on. The major complaint I have about the plastic seats at my apartment is the lid is thin plastic and buckles if you sit on top of it. Your toliet lid should turn your toliet into a viable seating area within your bathroom, and you need a solid, firm lid to accomplish this.

Well I like wood, because it does not move so much when you push. My girlfriend's house has a plastic one and I find it really cold to sit on.

nothing beats the comfort of a squishy foam seat. But on a hot day, nothing sticks to your ass worse. Can I have one for the winter and one for the summer? When I'm rich, that's what I'm doing -- having a servant to switch the toilet seat depending on my mood, the purpose of my bathroom visit, and the weather. Some days it will be his job to sit on the seat, to warm it up for me. I don't envy his job, but he will be more than adequately compensated.

A hooker.

Regarding cleanliness, I'd just like to mention that I give those new toilet bowl cleaners made with Teflon high marks! It really does make it easier to get the bowl squeaky clean and prevents those anal backfires from sticking permanently.

the puffy plastic ones are ok, but they tend to make my booty sweaty, and it takes more time and effort to wipe piss off of it because it absorbs it a little. plus, if the plastic covering the foam starts tearing to reveal the foam, it's uncomfortable to sit on until you can get a new one, and it's pretty much impossible to soak up all the pee out of it if someone pisses on the seat.

i like porcelain and hard plastic ones, but i've sat on a couple that were cracked and they pinched my booty.

i'm sure i've used wooden ones at some point, but i don't recall feeling anything about them, one way or the other.

It has been my experience that the puffy vinyl seats crack and then pinch when they get older. Never fun. Porcelain is cold during winter and absolute agony when you are sick, running a fever, and have to sit. It makes your entire body hurt to sit on it.

i must admit i don't remember ever using a wood seat, but i would imagine that they could get ruined from water stains. those puffy plastic seats are just disgusting; when i come across them i just hover. porcelain seats are a bit chilly at times but i think they are better than plastic because they don't break, and i like commode-o's comment that toilets should be able to double as a regular seat.

I have always been partial to the porcelain or super hard plastic ones, because that's what I'm used to sitting on. However, a friend of mine has a wood seat, and it's really cool. It's not so cold.

Now, how do you disinfect a wood seat without ruining the grain?

Look at this study of wood vs. plastic cutting boards: http://www.naturalhandyman.com/iip/
infxtra/infcuttingboard.shtm it suggests that wood is better than plastic with regard to bacteria. though it still suggests avoiding cross contamination by not chopping lettuce on the same toilet seat you cut pultry on.

Puffy is the greatest. Maybe it doesn't hold up as long as stiffer material, but for those of us with 'roids who also appreciate a good, long shit (a deadly combo) it's just plain healthy. Seats are cheap enough that I wouldn't mind replacing it from time to time. OTOH, we keep plastic in our can because we figure guests wouldn't appreciate foam. Plus, it looks hella ugly.

I don't care if the seat is wood, plastic, metal, or solid spun sugar. As long as it's hard, supportive, and doesn't pinch. Puffy seats always pinch when I sit on them and they eventually get little cracks in the surface that also pinch. UGH! No butt pinching!

I prefer no toilet seat when I sit.

i prefer to hover like a huey chopper ready to unload its payload.I even wear goggles to set the mood. sometimes i think i would like to paint the seat with red and white stripes so it looks like a bullseye. is that unusual?

I am not too picky, but after I sat on a wood seat that broke and gave me ass splinters... I'll pass on wood.

I've never seen a toilet seat made of porcelain. Porcelain is a glass/ceramic material and I'm not sure that there are any toilet seats made of this unless they are fixed, non-moveable like a commercial toilet.

Hey, Chris. Who'd you get to pull those ass splinters out? Ow!

Stainless steel, and a high pressure hose,
no wait, that was.......never mind.

anybody have thoughts on the seats that have the break in the front? I prefer those so my little georgie can hang down without stuffing.

Either hard plastic, or wood with a good strong varnish coating. And the seat should have high quality hinges so it does not wiggle.

It is very unnerving to have an emergency run to the bathroom, drop trou, my burdened, about-to-explode-rear end onto a toilet seat, and have the thing suddenly shove sideways from the ass-impact.

And, its not like I weigh very much--I don't.

Its way too expensive finding toilet seats with good strong hinges that can withstand multiple butt-slams.

"wood is better than plastic with regard to bacteria. though it still suggests avoiding cross contamination by not chopping lettuce on the same toilet seat you cut pultry on."

That was funny, Mr. Dump. I got a good laugh out of that. Thank you!!!!

And, I agree on the hinge thing. I hate a seat with poor hinges. Nothing like sitting on a seat, no matter the type, and having it move back and forth.

I prefer wood with a varnish coating. Foam is just retarted, plasti wears out, and porcelean is cold.

Wood is the best! Warms quickly and have never had one crack on me.
Foam gets liquishit stains and I have always referred to plastic seats as "crackbiters"!
Reason being that I have sat on a few cracked ones when at friends houses at college and every fucking one bit my ass - drawing blood on a couple of occasions and damn painful to boot!
I sat on ne of the bastards that was cracked at the front once and I swear the bastard was trying to circumcise me - hurt like hell! It cut me too!
I hate plastic.

I have one definite rule for toilet seats:
No soft seats at all! I'm too afraid that they get more bacteria growth than others. My mom is the same way. She said when she first moved into the house she lives in now, the first thing she did was take away the soft seats.

Now, with wood or plastic, my rules are less clear. It just has to be built right so it doesn't sink in when I sit on it.

I like those clear ones with barbed wire inside.

i just took a poo and for the first time in weeks my asshole fell out.

Plastic or wood is best. There are good, solid, nononsense plastic and wood seats out there. But, BEWARE THE CHEAP WOODEN SEAT: I Once shunked a louis at my mother-in-law's house and she had the wood seet that is glued together in short sections all around the seat. Two sections were separated in front and offset about 1/8". The seat seemed to retain most of its structural integrity, so I didn't think much about it, till I was done crapping and stood up and got my scuh-rotum snagged in the jagged wooden crack, and I don't even have a very big bag. It was painful and humiliating. Right after some qick first aid from my wife, I went to the hardware store and purchased a new seat for my mother-in-law.

Definitely porcelain. Plastic is just too cheap and tacky for such an important piece of furniture, and wood, being absorbent, seems unsanitary.

And those puffy plastic seats are just gross - they inevitably get tattered and discolored, and the way they hold the body heat of the previous pooper is very disturbing.

I cannot ever recall ever sitting on a wood seat, but that would be my 2nd choice after porcelain. I may be in the minority here, but I have always preferred a COLD seat to sit on and let it warm up from my own body heat only.

The puffy seats just seem unsanitary. I'm always a little creeped out when I go to someone's house and see one in their bathroom. Also they do not age well. The thin plastic covering tends to crack, which can only be increasing it's tendency to retain bacteria and anal material in general. No, for me it's the hard plastic seat. Durable, comfortable when properly contoured and easy to fully sanitize and long lasting. Wooden seats aren't even in the picture for me. I don't like the way that they look. At some point I would consider experimenting by installing one in my own home, but I'm not prepared to use someone elses. This is the beauty of owning a house with not one, not 2 but 3 (!) toilets. They're all MINE. The one in the basement is exclusively for my own personal use. Even my wife, let alone guests, does not use it. When I put a new seat on it I know that it will remain un-defiled by any ass but my own. I am so fortunate to have such a sanctuary.

Hey guys, I am a student Industrial Design Engineering at the TU Delft, Netherlands. I was asked to design an innovative toilet. Concerning the toilet seat I have two options: a hard plastic toilet seat or a removable and washable silicone gel seat. What do you guys think of these options and which one do you prefer?

Menno,

What's the point? What is the problem that you are trying to solve? Redesigning something that already works well for non-aesthetic reasons seems a little silly. How about a hard plastic that is impregnated with anti-bacterial compounds of some kind? That would be useful. Nobody is going to want that silicone gel thing. Read over the comments here and you can see that 95% of the toilet seat market is already opposed to squishy seats.

yea, but maybe the silicone gel seat is hard. menno, could you please describe that one a little better. i can't really imagine what a silicone gel toilet seat would look or feel like.

Yeah, that was my opinion also. My design problem is a little more complicated than just redesigning something that already works. I want to make a toilet that is far less expensive than the ceramic ones. By integrating the seat into the toilet (and reshaping it) and make the total toilet out of a polymer the material and production costs can be reduced. Problem with that is that plastic doesn't have that shiny 'royal' look of ceramics. My plan now is to make it out of a transparent polymer and paint it white on the inside, which gives it that typically ipod look, and gives the material a more elegant look, still preserving the low material costs. Anybody other suggestions?

The silicone gel I had in mind can be viewed on: www.technogel.de

I grew up on hard wood toilet seats that were coated with a smooth hard colored enamal paint. These seats were pretty good and lasted a few years, but my parents replaced them with cheap unmatched plastic seats. I had a wooden seat on the one toilet in my present house, but replaced that with a cheap plastic seat that keeps sticking to my but, when i try to get up off the stupid seat, plus the plastic seat keeps comming loose and sliding from one side to the other.

Menno! Email me about your project.

Porcelain all the way. Any seat that (a) pivots any other direction but vertically while in use, or (b) tries to follow my ass when it leaves the throne, is unacceptable.

Silicone gel? Just saw that, Menno. Got me thinking -- what about a seat filled with that soft gel those anti-carpal tunnel wrist rests are made from? Squinchy.

I myself prefer the plastic ones #1 over all the other ones for the simple reason of being more sanitary. (in my opinion). Stains will generally just wipe right off with a good cleaner, but if you do go with plastic, buy one made by a reputable maker such as Bemis or Kohler (a renowned toilet maker). Solid wood would be my next choice because of sturdiness and not as prone to buckling when you shift your ass on it. Solid oak seats are great in that they hide stains better than a white woood seat. Foam seats are just worthless, they absorb stains way too easily, tear easlily, and simply do not last long

I'm used to plastic but woods ok too.

Does anyone else hate COLD toilet seats, even if they subsequently warm up?

Yes, I HATE ice cold toilet seats. Especially in this house. The whole fucking place is like a refrigerator.

Damn I hate winter!

we all forget that the process of pooping is a fine event. it is climatic, like a piece of literature, if you will. the glorious thing about the porcelain seat is its addition to the build-up of taking a pooper.
alas, the process is such: you walk/run to the bathroom, shut the door, you unzip your pants, maybe a little bead of sweat is forming above your brow, you lower your butt down to the seat and BOOM! Porcelain meets your butt with a brisk, refreshing, tingling flavor! It's like "shock and awe" for your butt, leaving you no choice but to submit to the force of your poo and to let it all out! consider the porcelain seat the appex of the poop process. ten seconds after that bittersweet cold, the seat is warm and comfy and you can spend as long as you want, reading the new york times or what have you, recovering from the exhausting and ever-so-satisfying turd you just dropped.
the name of the game is porcelain!

Poo-fessional, the way you describe porcelain made me hear a chorus of angels singing as a guy sits on a toilet. It made me laugh.

I just go on the floor.

Actually I don't go on the floor. (well... once.)Who's using my name?

Who says it's YOUR name? Mr. fartofthedeal?

my hubby has Multiple Sclerosis. Since he started losing weight in his rear end he can no longer tolerate sitting on hard toilet seats. I came here looking for anyone who knows where to find a softer gel seat that woudl keep his buttocks from turning a deep blue when he tries to take a dump. I know all they young'uns out there who are healthy and able bodied probably hitnk gel is funky, but to an old fart who is a "slow mover" on all accounts a gel seat would seem like heaven.

tronald(anonymous): This is like when Superman meets Bizaro. You are the Bizaro Tronald Dump, and must be banished to yur own backwards planet where you can be the only tronald dump in your own mind.

You'll never catch me! Ah ha ha ha ha!!!!

I think I'm gonna puke!

Hello Menno
I would like to discuss something with you concerning the toiletseat

ive sat on a seat covered with soft like shag carpet stuff. it felt good but im pretty sure it totally cleaned me ass. as in literally whiped off all the shit and dingleberries and wetness, and soaked it up into its soft cloth goodness. O well, it was my friends shitter, not mine..

Is this for real?!?!

i like to poop everywhere- where there is plastic. puffy ones suck

I once was faced with pooping in an outhouse in 20-below weather. Imagine my reluctance to even lower my pants, let alone sit. Lo, and behold the seat was miraculously WARM due to it being composed of STYROFOAM. As an insulator, styrofoam holds no heat or cold whatsoever, lending itself perfectly to cold weather applications.

Cold toilet seats! Tell me about them! What I am writing us in line with FAQ - seeing toilet matters in their wider context of life. This includes history, sociology, psychology, biology and many other areas of study.

My mum and her best friend (Auntie to me) are nurses. Auntie’s boy, my age, is MY best friend. Our mums are single parents, and we were sired by two absolute rotters, whom we cannot think of as fathers. Our mums could have had abortions or had us adopted. They didn’t. They work their fingers to the bone to give us a good start in life. They were not sacked, because they were good at their jobs, and have now done well in the nursing profession and have their own houses to bring up their sons. They make sure that as far as possible, their night shifts are at different times, so that when necessary, they can look after both of us. Now we are teenagers we would be OK on our own overnight; we are both too busy studying to go off the rails. But the law on ‘children left alone‘ is not very clear, and can be interpreted in different ways. We go along with the system, because we do not want to be put into care and lose our mums. (Occasionally both work at the same time, but friends and relatives come to stay.)

When we were little, we were taught strict routines, eg after breakfast before school, clean your teeth and sit on the toilet. (When both mums or grandmothers, or my friend's young uncle were looking after us, we sat on our potties side by side, and then we graduated onto the toilet, and saw each other there, and learned wiping also together. A good routine was considered more important than privacy.)

My mum bought her house first. Then Auntie bought an older terraced house which had not been completely modernised. The old coal house had been converted into a bathroom with shower, with a door going into the kitchen, and the door to the outside yard bricked up. But the old outside toilet, on the other side of it, was still there, and you entered it from the yard. The houses all around had proper indoor bathrooms.

It would be almost as bad for me as for my friend, because when my mum was working nights, I would stay with Auntie. We had been used to modern facilities in our grandmothers’ houses. As it was the Easter school holidays when they moved in, it was decided that I would stay there for a week anyway overnight, with the main purpose of getting use to the toilet as well as my friend (because several nights a week I would be staying there when my mum was working.) Auntie explained to the neighbours what was happening, in case they thought it strange that two boys went into the toilet together. We needed to give each other support and confidence. We didn’t want our mums seeing us using the toilet, but we didn’t mind each other. After all, we had seen each other many times before.

So we went together at the same time that we normally went before setting out to school. We did that on eight separate mornings. We alternated in being the first to sit on the toilet. We knew that it was normal to go alone, but it helped us to accept that we were both in it together (not literally). During those few times together, we just gave each other reassurance.

When we got into our routine of going out alone, we were OK. But there was a bit of embarrassment for us both. When two eight year old boys went to the toilet, everybody round about it knew. By our length of time inside, the neighbours knew the purpose of our visit - to stand or sit. As the small room was not very sound-proof, I imagined them listening for me to unbuckle my belt, undo my trousers, and then the noises - indelicate ‘wind’ noises, grunting, and the ‘sausages’ splashing in the water. Then when they heard the toilet-roll rotating, they would know I was wiping my bottom. From school Social History we now know that thousands of children had that outside experience in Britain, up to the last 20 or 30 years, and accepted it as a fact of life . (Some people have written useful material on PoopReport.)

The toilet at my friend's house had a cistern high up, with a chain. The cistern and pipes were very well lagged, because there was no heating. It had a plastic seat. They moved into the house when the weather was getting warmer, so there was no problem, apart from the embarrassment of having to say 'Good morning' to the neighbours hanging out their washing. (They were our grandmothers’ age and older, but kind to my auntie and her ‘polite little boy’, and to me as well.) The seat was cold when I sat on it, but it was OK. (As we followed each other in, the second one in had the advantage of a bit more warmth - we were not - and are not now - grossly smelly.) I began to enjoy it, sitting there and hearing the birds sing, and women neighbours’ gossiping. Actually, they were probably too busy talking to each other to bother listening to little boys who had their trousers down. They had had their own children and grandchildren.

But as autumn and winter came on, it became REALLY cold out there. You have to remember that we were not very tall, and when we sat on the toilet our feet did not touch the ground. That meant that our bottoms were pressed hard against the cold seat, and we couldn't lift them up. In the winter my auntie put some hot water bottles on the seat, and to keep the heat in, covered it with an old blanket. In the morning, when getting up, she would fill hot water bottles again and cover them up, so that when she, and her son - and I, when staying there - needed some warmth, there would be some. We also had blankets to cover our bare legs with in the really cold weather. We survived. Auntie got a wooden toilet seat which was much better. Later on, when she could afford it, she had the toilet and bathroom made into one, and the wall removed between the toilet and the bathroom, and the outside toilet door was walled up. That meant we could not listen to the street gossip any more. We had always reported that to each other, and to his mum! She of course used loos and showers at the hospital a lot of the time. She later put a bathroom upstairs, which put considerable value on the house when she sold it for a bungalow nearer to ours.

Boys are luckier than girls. We only have to sit once a day. For young small girls it must be terrible. (Having said that, adolescent boys have difficulty to avoid wetting the floor, and sometimes we sit to urinate. It would be very cold in that outside toilet!)

The name I chose for myself arose out of the shape and texture of - well, the material I produce. Our biology teacher told us that stools looking like sausages are a sign of a healthy person.

Our mums have also told us - once a week: (a) look back at your bowel movements, and the paper in case there is blood (b) look at the colour of your urine (c) examine your testicles, after your weekly bath. (Other days we have showers, but on Sunday mornings we have a bath and our ’personal inspections’, as church starts later than school.)

Although our mums are nurses, they respect our integrity and dignity as boys. If we have any personal health problems and do not want to talk to THEM about it, they tell us to consult each other. If the other one says we should tell our mum, we would do so. There is also an agreement that our mums will not look at our intimate parts without the other boy being present.

So on Sundays, before I wipe my bottom, I look down at the work of art I have produced. My load is quite substantial - a characteristic of teenage boys, apparently.

I do not think our mums could have done any more for us. From what I hear from some boys at our school, some (but not all) fathers can be a hindrance rather than a help. And my best mate is better than any blood brother could be, and I try to be the same for him.

Because we are the result of a mistake, we try to make our mums proud of us. They would like us to be doctors. We are interested in psychology and cancer research. We are glad that they had us, and so are they!

I am the boy mentioned by Sausage-Machine. He showed me what he had written, and I thought I would mention one or two other things. One is a slightly amusing story about me, which he wouldn't write. Good friends are like that.

I think my bottom is just about thawed out from those experiences on the cold seat. It would be no good putting it in the microwave, because the instructions only mention standing time; nothing about sitting time.

One morning when it was bitterly cold, I learnt a bitter lesson. After breakfast, I went out for a 'trousers-down', but it was so cold that I only pushed them down enough to uncover my bottom. I wanted to spend as little time as possible there, and get back in the warmth. The rule had always been 'trousers down to your ankles, not down to your knees.' Then you can wriggle about, move your legs to get rid of absolutely everything. I didn't skimp on wiping. I already knew you could get soreness later on in the day. I went back into the kitchen, washed my hands, and started off for school. I had to ask permission to go to the toilet during the lesson. I said I thought I had a tummy upset. The teacher let me go. The toilets were OK, and there was paper, and it was warmer than at home. I would be aged 9 at the time, and I have never had to go to the toilet in a lesson since, for either purpose. (My friend also learned from that lesson, and we have organised our lives to make sure it does not happen.)

Occasionally we DO have our bowel movement at school, if we are catching an early 'bus to look up something in the library or see a teacher, or one of our mums is going past the school, and we do not have to pay 'bus fare then.

He also mentioned listening to conversations of people round about and picking up the local gossip. I used to take a note book and pen sometimes, and jot down things I heard. It was in a supermarket bag, and they probably thought I was taking a book to read.

Probably we noticed the cold more than boys of previous generations, who often did not wear long trousers until they went to work. Their legs were used to the cold anyway. We have always worn longs. (My mum tells me there some abuse of small boys wearing shorts in a school.)

WOOD ALL THE WAY. WITH THE FOAMY ONES IF YOU HAVE A NORMAL SIZE ASS YOU LEAVE THE ASS SHIT KISS PRINT ON IT

I would like to sit on a toilet that has foamed up when I do a shit!!

Would anyone know why my white puffy plastic covered seat turned blue only where an ass sits?? I am a little weirded out..

The blue moon is a rare moon indeed, obviously the blue moon has shone on your toilet seet and blessed it with its blue radiance!

Dear First Anonymous Coward,

I went to this website seeking an answer to the same question you asked. Why do white puffy seats turn blue? This happens over and over again--I keep putting new seats on because I prefer them--but they keep turning blue! I think it has to be a chemical reaction between the plastic and skin--why haven't manufacturers addressed that? Anyone know of a puffy seat that doesn't turn blue? Thanks!

Funny, Dad's puffy toilet seat was brown.

Puffy toilet seats are a terrible terrible thing.

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://groups.myspace.com/THECHURCHOFPOOP

I like wood... nice and warm in the winter, not too hot in the summer. On the other hand, I hate puffy seats. I always feel like I don't have as much room to aim, which kinda sucks.

The nastiest comfort I ever saw was at the home of my across-the-street neighbor, Miss Poopie Dook. She had a FUR lining on her seat! A fuzzy O-ring! And she was always dribbling her shit and piss on it. Ugh!

On my favorite crapper, I have super hard plastic.

In antoer room, I have a the foam-soft type. It's comfortable, but my ass stick to it.

Fur?!? Ew!

I just bought a house with puffy toilet seats and I thought it sucked. But fur? *shudders*

Hey, my white porcelein (??..well, it's not a puffy seat anyway!) has turned blue only where our buttocks touch. I found this site wondering why. I found another website which said it's due to the erosion of the finish by the heat of butt flesh. I've had other toilet seats before, and I've never seen this happen! Are we finding ourselves in the CHEAP SEATS??!

I want a seat of plastic or wood and a lid that holds up. It really pisses me off when a plastic lid can't hold my heavy ass up.

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

I agree with Poopster (01.16.2006)
in preferring wood: 'nice and warm in the winter, not too hot in the summer'. Plastic is as hot or cold as the ambient temperature, and for this reason, can be more dangerous in hot weather than cold. Plastic toilet seats, especially when in outhouses with a gap in the door at the top, when the sun is high, can be as uncomfortable as a cold seat to the arse .

The recent very hot weather in the United Kingdom has reminded me of a few things from my past.

A couple of years ago my best university pal decided to get on the property ladder, and bought a rather primitive terraced house which needed a lot doing to it. The only toilet was outside, and it had a plastic seat, and the door with a gap at the top faced south. This is relevant for later on in the story. Tim had helped me the year before when I moved into my own place, and I returned the favour, and got a long weekend break, using some days due to me for working extra hours without pay.

Well, on the Friday night for the weekend after he had got the keys, we took sleeping bags and kipped down on an old mattress which had come from my parents' house.

On the Saturday morning when we woke up, we went outside for a pee (we had already had several of those since arriving the day before!) and then boiled a kettle on for some tea, and also had some cereal and some toast. We should have been getting on doing jobs, but as we hadn't seen each other for a few weeks, we had a lazy hour, getting back into our sleeping bags and talking. I had noticed that there was no toilet paper, and suspected I would be needing some before the day was much older. (There were plenty of dock leaves in the garden, and it wouldn't have been the first time in my life that I had used those.) Then about 11 o'clock we went to a small local supermarket for some basic provisions, and I noticed with relief that he had put 'bog rolls' on his list. When we got back to the house Tim said 'Neither of us have crapped this morning'. I said 'No, there was no paper out there, and for once, I have no tissues in my car'. He said 'You are the guest; you have the first sitting'. I said 'OK, unless you are desperate'. He told me to undo the packet of tp, and I took a roll to the outhouse with me, and fitted it into the holder. Since our earlier visits had been for stand-up purposes, the seat was in the raised position. I went to put it down, and realised how hot it was to my hand! And the heat had gone through to the side which our bums would be sitting on. (If it had been left down, it would have been much hotter.) Tim was outside, cleaning the drains. When I reappeared, 'he said 'That was quick', . I told him that I had just saved myself from a scorched bottom. (As it was midday, the sun was high in the sky and shining at its fiercest through the top of the door on to the toilet seat.)

We went inside, and just dissolved with laughter. Well, we had both brought cooler boxes in our cars with ice packs in them, as Tim hadn't yet got a fridge. We got the ice packs out. Two of them were still quite cool, and I put them on the seat for a few minutes, and then returned them to the ice box. I realised I had been lucky - the hands are able to take heat more than covered up parts of the body.

I returned for the delayed and much needed relief - made more urgent by all the laughing. Tim, who was supposed to be cleaning the drains, was still laughing, and left off to stand outside and listen, and there was a running commentary from both of us. I tested the temperature - seat still quite warm, but bearable. I unbuckled my belt and unzipped my jeans, accompanied by his comment 'unbuckling' and 'unzipping'. My jeans dropped to my ankles, followed by my briefs, and I said 'Butt touching seat' and he cheered. Then he said 'Now let's hear you grunting and plopping'. There was no need to grunt, but I did, as part of the entertainment. Then after a pee, the real action began. He counted the plops, and I counted the sheets of toilet paper I had used. Then when I had finished and flushed, he went in, and, of course, had to comment on the smell I had made. He won on the plops - he produced 8 plopping sounds, to my 6.

Bear in mind that we were 31 years of age; like a pair of school kids. But it was a good weekend together, and earlier he had helped me do jobs when I set up home.

I can remember a time when a cold toilet seat was very soothing - in my first years in secondary school, corporal punishment was still used, before it was officially abolished in the late 1980s. It was used quite a lot on younger boys - a springy plimsoll known as 'the slipper', for which we had to touch our toes, usually wearing our trousers and underpants, but in the gym, the teacher would slipper us over thin PE shorts. For more serious cases, we bent over a stool in the headmaster's study, after we had removed our blazers, and pulled out our shirt tails, for up to six swishes with his cane. The cane made you feel as if you had red hot wire laid across your backside; the slipper felt as if you had been sitting on a hot stove. Sometimes after a whacking, I, and other boys, adjourned to the toilets, and sat our bare burning seats on a cool plastic seat. My dad also used a very thin strap on my bare flesh if I had been naughty, and this domestic punishment continued even after school corporal punishment was abolished by law. (When I had taken a note home to say I had been caned, to be signed by him, I always had to strip for the strap.) All three methods were very painful, I think the cane being the worst, followed by the strap, and then the slipper. If I had been burnt in that delicate place by the bog seat, I suppose it wouldn't have been as bad as the beatings.

Tim decided to put an old towel on the seat during hot weather, and a blanket in winter, but we have laughed about it a lot since. Now he has a modern bathroom inside, with toilet and shower. But the outhouse still comes in handy as a second toilet, if suitable precautions are taken.

So cold toilet seats are not always bad, and warm ones are not always good.

have never seen or experienced a "porcelain" seat on a toilet in my 48+ years. I prefer heavy duty plastic ones that lower slowly and don't slam. I have been pinched by oak toilet seats that have wiggled apart, had to try to get a poofy seat clean (damn near impossible) and broken a lid or two on cheap plastic seats. I just hate when you go to sit down and the darn thing slides off the other side of the toilet, taking you with it.

We had a wooden one in the "powder bath" while I was growing up. It was solid wood, not the sectionals, and originally, it was shiny and "finished", like a grainy oak tabletop.

People always got such a kick out of it; it must have been rarer, then. My mother bought it to complement the orange/tiger/jungle motif we had going on in there.

It was VERY comfortable, as others have noted. As time went on, though, it did start to lose it's furniture lustre, and the grain (as oak will do) began to raise in the ass-pattern. It still wasn't bad, though.

Eventually, repeated cleaning caused it to start looking like an outhouse lid, so it had to be changed out, but that sucker lasted a good decade!

My house came with a wooden seat that was painted white. I thought it was gross b/c it was probably a few years old and the urine acids had eaten into the paint. Seems like this would happen with any wooden seat.

I replaced it with a decent quality Bemis white plastic seat and have been happy with it. It's not the ultra flimsy, bottom of the line white plastic. It's a nice medium weight seat.

A friend replaced his plastic seats (that came w/his house) w/wooden ones, but I think he'll eventually see how the white paint does not hold up on those seats.

The puffy seats are bad for aforementioned reasons, plus the 'mold lines' are tougher to clean (where the vinyl meets up and is sealed).

How many of you out there have you gotten up in the middle of the night to take a crap without turning on the light and ended up falling in the bowl because you forgot to pick up the seat?

this guy stops by my house last night, Im editing some of his video for him. He uses my guest bathroom. I give him his DVD and he leaves. a couple of hours later I go to spray off the toilet seat with lysol, but before I spray the seat, I notice blue butt cheek and thigh prints. I tried to get the stains off with lysol, then clorox cleaner, nothing works.
What is it? I know that he was drinking (I smelled Liquor on his breath). What does anyone think?????? Chemical reaction? Who takes a dump over someone else's house anyway? I don't I think that people should try and hold it instead, or don't leave home without taking a crap first.

First of all, how do you know he crapped and didn't just sit down to pee?

Second, if you browse around this website long enough, you'll come to realize that sometimes, poop waits for no man! :)

Third, was the Lysol action simply routine, or did you do that because of the "drop-in"?

Fourth, was he wearing denim? When I was a kid, a couple times I wore new jeans before I washed them, and I'd have a little blue dye-transfer on my skin at the end of the day. I'm curious if anyone has a clue as to what could cause blue butt-and-thigh prints.

Fifth, try using a solution of 2 cups very HOT water and a 1/4 cup bleach. Carefully.

I know, I know, you are all groaning..."Fuck, Bilge is gonna put "cat fur" down as his favorite", well...thats not the case. See, I'm a thrill seeker, and I have installed, in place of the standard toilet seat, a hair trigger, rusty bear trap. Makes bathroom time just a little more interesting.

I sit on a wooden toilet seat.

I can tolerate plastic, but padded seats, are where I draw the line. I can't stand padded seats.
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"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

Wood, definitely! My old house had a properly treated wooden seat. My all time favourite. I wish I could have taken it with me.

H-1, I have been in a house with a wooden toilet seat and I have discovered that I prefer thin plastic. The wooden toilet seats have this tendency to hide cracks in them until you sit down and then pinch the shit out of your butt (and I don't mean literally). Since visiting that friend, I have completely changed my mind about wooden seats!

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Beware the shitticane. Election, 2008.

Being the fat bastard that I am I of course prefer a good SOLID and I mean SOLID toilet seat. Now it doesnt have to be any special kind of solid just solid enough to hold my fat ass and not crack. Every toilet seat presents its problems for example some plastic toilet seats are either too thin or dont have a backing strong enough to stay ON the rim. That REALLY irritates me. Those bolts should be strong enough to allow that toilet to remain straight and not be loose or off line of the bowl. Wooden seats are okay until the glue comes out of the joints and you have to replace it because it pinches your ass when you sit down. The good thing is they do tend to stay straight on the bowl. No matter what the seat is made of its just no damn good if its LOOSE.
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

haha i thought this meant what do you like to read (material) when you unload! whoopz!
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all aboard the farty train to pooterville..if you can't shit at my house, we aren't friends