Eternal Debates: To Push Or Not

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Push the poop? Or just let it flow?

105 Comments on "Eternal Debates: To Push Or Not"

Lara's picture

Let it flow.

Shat-man-doo's picture

Hmm--Complicated. Consistency is definately the deciding factor. Let it flow when you can hold it long enough, push when you have the rock log, but not too hard. Scphincter splittage is bad...Tough question.
Love your website...and Daphne too.

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Go with the flow.


marcos's picture

if you push too hard you get hemeroids

Dr. Turk's picture

Just envision little men inside you pushing out the dookie.

H R Poopnsquirt's picture

The correct answer is to save up your farts and use them as turd propellant. So basically all you're doing when you sit down is easing back the tension on the pucker string and letting the natural gas (huh huh) pressure do the rest.

Tydirium's picture
k 500+ points

That's exactly true, what the guy up there said -- pushing too hard causes hemorrhoids. You're not supposed to push your poop. If you're pushing, that means there's something wrong, with your diet, or your stomach, or, MUCH MORE LIKELY, the way you poop: sitting. That's the problem. The human body is designed to squat. If we squatted like we're supposed to, we wouldn't have to push.

Scooby Poo's picture

well, i can't really answer this one, my poop never just slides out, sometimes i have to push so hard that i start to sweat...however, if i take some exlax..well, i don't have to do any work at all.

Shatty Cake's picture
l 100+ points

I find that even the loosest of stools requires a little help, or else it just lingers in there or hangs out halfway. To get that really satisfying dump, I have to push a little bit. It's rare that I have to push so hard that I sweat, though.

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

i don't understand. don't you have to push? i mean, even when i have to go really bad i still have to push a little bit to make it come out. i don't strain myself or anything, but it doesn't just slide out unless i have the runs or something, and even then a little pushing is necessary.

if your poop just slides without needing to push it out, what's keeping it from just falling out when you're not trying to get rid of it?

i love poop.

Kung Poo's picture
l 100+ points

Bear down HARD!!! Show that turd who's boss!!!

SamDamnit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

I reach in and pull them out. Some times I use a spoon or an ice cream scoop.

The Emir of Crapistan

Scooby Poo's picture

lol i'm tellin ya, my poop problem isn't that i poop alot, it's that i can't poop, even when i feel like i have to, it's like it knows who it's mommy is and it doesn't want to leave, and i'm like "get the fuck in the pool dammit!"

ThreePly's picture

I don't believe a line of that squatting BS. If the human being wasn't meant to sit down while shitting, our ass wouldn't be aiming downward like it does. Squatting only causes your turds to drag against your sack as they come out, and you won't have any ladies going down on you anytime soon with poo crusties on your nuts.

Now back to the question. In the few instances I've had with what I like to call Poophoria, the turd is sturdy and thick, yet able to gradually slide itself out with minimal pushing. That way, I get to thoroughly enjoy the moment, however long it may be. The perfect poo requires minimal pushing, and will flow on its own. But I don't want a wet shit flow, I want a sturdy kielbasa turd. One that will make me feel like I can fly when I'm done. The perfect turd only requires one push, and that push is the final send-off. The rest will flow on its own. So I can't choose one or the other. I choose them both respectively.

Tyridium's picture

Three PLy: I'd call your attention to the graphic in this article:

That's a rectum designed for squatting. Yes, you can poop while you sit, but you're pushing so hard because you're fighting against your own body.

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Tyridium. Are you seriously recommending that we could improve the quality of our lives by squat-shitting? Do you do this, on your toilet? By the way, this could be an assignment for, tah dah, Chris Rockwell.


John's picture
m 1+ points - Newb



I disagree John...I think it has do with the amount of time you have on your hands. For instance, if it is a ginormous piece of concrete turd in your ass, and you have half an hour to kill, use it, buttholes are a fragile thing, and no one wants to wreck thiers in a hurried pooping attempt...Now if you've got a big watery, morning after thirty pack doodi, sometimes it can be enjoyable to commit felonious assult on the toilet, and judging by the way those usually smell, it would be a smart idea to get that out of your ass as quickly as possible as it may begin to slowly digest you from the inside out

Pat "Fart Rocket" T.'s picture

I think that the answer lies in between the turds. Depending on the Velocity, shape, apex, and tenderness of the poop, pushing has to be gauge almost like adjusting Turbos on a car for output. In my experience, i usually take one solid dump a day that can knock out anyone within a 100 ft radius. My anal glands provide my bum with "Shit lubricatus" Latin translation: Excess ass cream. This allows for immediate ejaculation of any and all turds, no matter what shape or size. The sheath that is created by my butt juices allows for a standard 15 psi of outward pressure. In conclusion, soft, hard, big, small, push hard and stain the bowl.

Chris Rockwell's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Anyone who has heard the show knows that I am a pusher. I have always pushed, it makes me fast and efficient,, I think I would be of the john for days if I didn't push.

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Logjam -- Tydirium is pretty accurate. All my research shows that people should be squatting to poop. The strain that comes from pushing (which we do because we have shitty diets and we sit instead of squat) does lots of damage to our colons in the long run. Hemmorhoids, defeintly -- blood vessels burst if you push too hard. Some suspect IBS, Crohns, cancer, etc. (I think).

I have a Nature's Platform. I don't use it taht often because it's really cumbersome, and I don't have the thigh strength to squat like I should. But squatting is definetly more natural -- and healthier in the long run. Prevents obesity, too -- you have to be in pretty good shape to squat and hold like that 1-3 times a day.

poop  princess's picture

I can't say that I ever really have to push because I can't even hold my poop for 2 minutes. If I had the choice I would like to be able to push my poop back in when it starts to crown so I can make it to the bathroom.

poo dollar's picture

OK, you guys are never going to believe this. I just went to that poopreport link that Tyridium posted (
and read the old article. Dave references a few websites about consipation, colon health and "cleansing". This cleansing, I presume, is getting a colonic, or Hydro Colon Therapy. Read the testimonals below...

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Your mom is thinking of a colonoscopy, not a colonoic. A colonoscopy is when they stick a camera up your ass with a 1 in 6000 chance of puncturing your colon (thanks, Logjam). A colonic is a cleansing, with various chemicals -- nothing solid goes in, so there's no chance of puncture.

But that's not really what we're talking about.

deadBird's picture

Tons of hot sauce usually gets it a bit more than flowing...

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

It really depends on the poop. I have had some recent stubborn ones that refuse to come out no matter what I do. I HAVE to push.

On the argument of sitting or squatting, think of how the cavemen did it. They didn't have a stone crapper to sit on. Every one of them had to squat. It is the way nature intended for us to go. I just wish I had the knees and hips that were strong enough to do it. (Damn loose joints!)

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

duder poo's picture

Nobody ever addresses the "toothpaste" poo, where you do have to push, but once you have, you wish you hadn' just know it's going to be messy. Pushing can be risky...

Colon P Gutbuster's picture

Farts as turd propellent is one idea that I can definitely relate to. Living here in Turkey we do not eat fast food or takeouts very much and prepare everything fresh.
Plus we do not eat meat for 5 days a week in our house so we get LOTS of powerful and evil stinky flatulence to push our effluent into the pool.

More than enough to deal with recalcitrant Grogans with a little push added.
Pushing is good sometimes and necessary.
It can even be entertaining if you want a REALLY spectacular liquishit Niagara/Vesuvius from time to time.

Hot sauce helps the stinkstar lube situation too!

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I don't eat right (too many baked goods), don't sit or stand right (a sloucher), don't brush right (circular strokes).... But until today I thought I was at least shitting right (sitting on a toilet). Now I only hope I can die right, though even that is being idealized in ways that make it hard to measure up (e.g., Tuesdays with Morrie, by Mitch Albom).


ms poops alot's picture

tydirium made a good comment a/b squatting...our bodies are designed to squat n poo...recently i tried this gr8 little step that hangs around the base of your toilet then u pull it out and put ur feet on top and the angle of your legs just pushes the poop out like a chute...check online for's called "lifestep" works awesome!!

Ying Yang Push Slider's picture

Hey whatta matta you guys now? Truth is sometime you have hard bad turd that big trouble. This one you have to grunt and push and strain to force big hard turd ball outta asshole. Some other times you have prune poops or blackeyed pea poop or boil cabbage assblows. Then you no have to strain for relief just squat and squirt. What the hell? No problem right?

Turd Hugegrunt's picture

What's all this shit about squattin'? If God had intended us to squat to shit, why did He invent toilets? Get with the program guys!

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Eat more veggies and you don't have to push. I pushed enough having babies, and look where THAT got my butthole.

I say that it's important not to push, but if you have trouble with constipation, my heart eternally goes out to you where ever you are, because you really don't have much of a choice.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

Commode-O Dragon's picture
l 100+ points

First of all, meat contributes to smelly poo, not vegetables. A diet high in grain and veggies will produce more gas, but it will be less stinky.

Secondly, I just wanted to add that in Japan and other eastern countries, they have what I've heard refered to as "Eastern toliets". They are basically a hole in the floor you squat over and do your doody. In some hotels and other public places in Japan, there is a choice between the conventional toliet and the Eastern toliet.

Finally, I try to look at shitting as a momentum thing. I generally try and relax, but I always seem to suffer from "premature evacuation" and my colon goes to work as soon as I even see the toliet or start making my way to the bathroom.

Then I try and let it get started on its own...I feel it sliding a little and I'll give it a quick push to boost it...get it sliding a little more..another push...then when I get to the climatic moment, I'll give it one final big consistent push, but never too big, which is painful. Once the "shoulders" of the poo is out, gravity usually takes over and drags it all out.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I'm a vegitarian. Explain why my poo is sticky and smells like a dead elephant.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

tri-anal-er's picture

All i know is that i used to push, and i actually split my cornhole in two places. I didn't know this until i recently had an examination, and the doctor explained it to me. All i knew was that after a bad crap my dookie has come out triangularly. Sometimes if it's a real good solid turd it'll be rounder, but if it's a soft one it's an equilateral triangle.
so don't push.

Turd Hugegrunt's picture

Well, Shit Volcano ...

You're not supposed to eat the library paste. That's for sticking the construction paper together in the art projects your kindergarten teacher has you do after nappy-bye time.

And the elephant stank is totally understandable considering the volume of peanuts and bananas you consume. Cut back a little on the peanuts, dear. Otherwise you may end up trumpeting loudly like Dumbo while yankin' clumps of grass outta the ground to wipe your sticky ass!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Turd, you have it all wrong. I am hippo, not an elephant.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

I didn't know that hippos ate dead elephants.

Cut down on them. :)

And the paste.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

Antony's picture

H-yuck! I like to eat my mommy's poo! Find out more about me on

Chris Rockwell's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Well, since logjam suggested it... I will be standing on my toilet squatting for next Wednesday's show. I did a test run last night (no poo though) and It's gonna be a little thought to balance my fat ass over the toilet, but anything in the name of science. Who knows, I might really like it, and have to buy one of those platforms Dave has. To get back on the subject, I will probably not be pushing because I would hate to shoot a turd out full force.

the frequent farter's picture

If anyone is having problems pushing I suggest becoming an alcoholic. I suck down a 18 pack of natural light each night and in the morning my asshole literally explodes with diarrea. Then I'm free the rest of the day and I don't have to worry about my anus until the following morning again.Cheap beer is a fantastic way to stay regular.

What did one gay guy say to the other gay guy at the bar?

Can I push in your stool?

Mr MaPoo's picture

May the force be with you.

Please don't tear's picture

A pick-axe and miners cap... unfortunately!

Ben's picture

Tydirium's theory on squatting works. Everytime I am having trouble letting out the log, I massage my stomach, squat, contract and relax my spinster muscles, sooner or later, it comes out.
Fortunately, I no longer have to push. The secret is to have All-bran at breakfast. Warning, increase intake slowly. This magic cereal bulks up your poop making exits smoother. I now have two nice poops a day. Warning-All Bran gives you quite some gas

Crappen Geocacher's picture

I find that I don't have to push as hard on my squatting Toilet platform, as much as i do sitting on a regualar toilet. Even before i ever heard of squatting, I knew that leaning forward seemed to help a bit.

downunder's picture

It depends entirerly on circumstance. If you've had a tasty but fibreous and firey hot Thai salad followed by ice cold pineapple chunks and washed down with cold refreshing freshly squeezed maderin juice(from a road side vendor) I reckon you'd want to push as hard as you could for as long as possible for a few tough but exquisit minutes.

Cameron's picture

I don't understand why you have to push out your turds. When I sit down to dump, all I have to do is concentrate on relaxing my butthole and it opens up. My turds just slide out without any pushing. They slide slow and long if the turd is firm or faster if it's soft. Either way it's enjoyable for the feeling of it sliding against my hole and being emptied out. Then I just squeeze the hole closed to cut off the turd, using the same muscle that I use when I'm squeezing out cum. All this pushing sounds like hard work

Le Poo's picture

To push or not to push,that is the question.

Ben's picture

Had Indian last night. This morning, I was begging and praying for the load to stay in. After massive squeezing and deep breaths, I amde it to the toilet. Next thing I know was the seat was full of shit. Must have exploded before I got into the right position. You see, I never sit in public toilets. Squatting was NOT a choice as I had no time to take off my pants and underwear. This half squat failed me before. Pushing-I didn't. Clean up the toilet seat_ I did!!

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