Eternal Debates: Getting Out Stuck Shit

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THE ISSUE:

Pushing has failed. What do you do?

448 Comments on "Eternal Debates: Getting Out Stuck Shit"

Anonymous's picture

I never thought I'd find a site that answers my query!! Holy shit. I think I'll just drink some coffee and wait. Thanks for the advice. Lol

Anonymous's picture

If you think methadone is bad [I have been taking it for 30 yrs] then morphine is infinitely worse as you will know [get it for pain].....submitted my own poo story here,and truly am dreading my next poo....my bum feels like it has been kicked by a horse..I think I have done permanent damage. Once, I wrote an article for 'Mainliners' a magazine for addicts with a section on the best laxatives..the best was 'lactulose' but fybogel is just as good..except that I tend not to take it, and my diet is pretty crap.

I was talking to a fellow addict today, and he said he gets a 10ml works [without the needle] fills it with soapy water, and squirts it up.

Personally I can't touch a poo..[even with gloves] I think I would be sick. But after last night, when I nearly called an ambulance, I might have to.

Am drinking fybogel, and if there are any men out there who wonder what childbirth is like...having a mega poo is more difficult than childbirth, I promise.
seriously, I do worry about the gut health of opiate addicts...are we more at risk of bowel cancer? all the years of chronic constipation cannot be healthy.

My poor bum begs me to ''get off'' methadone and opiate painkillers....sugar free mathadone is the worst, as it encourages farting...had to transfer back to ''sugary'' methadone. as the farting was getting embarrassing.

Anonymous's picture

Damn... Thank you so much!!! I was nearly about to use some medieval exercises to get that shit out, it was like having an overly attached girlfriend down there, cigarettes and coffee did the trick! Thank you for saving my life and my a** hole

Anonymous's picture

What I do is I put a cold wash rag on my bum and then some rash cream, the problem could be that you're drinking too much pop and not enough water. A few days ago I had this problem, I drank more water and now it's all fine and dandy. You see, pop doesn't allow your "stuff" to break down so it's impossible to push. Water does the trick. Hope this helps!

Anonymous's picture

THE WORD SHOULD WONT RESOLVE THIS IN THE SLIGHTEST RIGHT THIS MINUTE. I USED MY HAND HELD WAND OF MY VACUUM AFTER DOING EVERYTHING BUT CALL AN AMBULANCE. I ALSO HAVE A 4 CM NODULE IN MY RECTUM, tonight it became a unrelenting wall of china. I was worried the liquid from the enema, and suppositories, etc wouldn't pass through. I turned on the fricking vacuum, I was desperate. it moved it, IT MOVED THAT STUCK FOR LIFE FOULNESS,

I was careful not to insert it but the relief was soon to arrive. It actually worked. I am shocked. My man is mad at me, he was scared I'd hurt myself. HEY WHEN YOU ARE DESPERATE, nothing else matters, but un-sticking what never should have stuck like that in the first place. Don't push or strain it ever, it tears and causes you to bleed. It causes bleeding!

Anonymous's picture

THE VACCUM NOZZLE WORKS GUYS, when no other options exist!~SUCK IT OUT OR MOVE IT WITH THE HAND NOZZLE of a regular vaccum, not a wet vac...

Anonymous's picture

THAT DOES NOT WORK IT JUST MAKES IT MORE DRY.

Anonymous's picture

I was reading these as I was constipated. I tried the only one that sounded perfect and normal. I rocked back and forth and slowly it all came out, not in clumps but the whole thing. It's all gone now all out of my intestines and my shit hole feels good. You may have to rock for a few minutes if it's really bad but it's all gone and I'm still on the toilet. So bye but seriously it's gone thanks.

Anonymous's picture

Cut a piece of soap and shove it up, wait 5-10 mins then go. works amazingly well.

Anonymous's picture

I just finished the worst ordeal of my life.

I am normally a very active person but with diarrhea-prone IBS. I hardly ever have this issue, and I usually eat a low-fiber diet, combined with meds, to avoid going several times a day.

Last week I had an ankle surgery and bunion removal on both feet, so I've been wheelchair-bound and completely sedentary. I've been on heavy painkillers and started taking Dulcalax gel capsules a few days ago when I noticed I was getting a little backed-up. I didn't think much of it because I am normally always going, so I figured it would work its way out. WRONG!

Yesterday I had a pretty big and painful BM but couldn't finish it. I felt like there was a big piece of poo still in my rectum that wouldn't budge. I sat on the toilet for five hours trying, mind you with swollen feet that needed to be elevated in bed. I thought I was going to die. Every time I pushed, it burned my ass and I felt like I was going to pass out.

I called in air support and got someone to bring me a mineral oil enema. Did that, pooped a little of the liquid out, and went to bed.

Next day I tried again but couldn't push the sucker out. So I decided to go to the ER. After a really fun rectal exam and X-rays of my abdomen they told me I didn't have any obstructions in my colon and, according to the nurse during the exam, the stubborn stool actually felt soft. Yeah right! They gave me a prescription for Miralax and Colace.

I went home and ate a high fiber meal (steamed broccoli, spinach, sweet potato, and salmon) followed by the Miralax, took a nap and after an hour I had to go.

It took two separate trips to the bathroom. The first was still watery but pieces were breaking off. The next trip same thing, and I wasn't even pushing these bits were just just kinda coming out in waves. I had spent five hours yesterday reading this site, which helped me relax.

Leaning forward really helped me relax as well as rocking back and forth while kinda leaning forward. Deep breaths and just thinking "when I survive this, I will post on that poop site!" Also having an empty house helped. Finally it felt like the nugget was getting closer and closer and I gave it one good push and I cried out a bit because it hurt, but not as bad as before, and it came out. It was two nuggets actually, golf ball size and looked like they were made of marble.

Long story short: if its too hard and big, wet it from both ends. Mineral oil enema plus Miralax, and wait. High fiber food helps even in the heat of the moment. Get it to break up a little but you may have to call in to work. Overall this took me 31 hours.

Anonymous's picture

Picture being stuck in the middle of the highway after a large black coffee, McDonald's breakfast, and a bran muffin in you. Seems to work during the real thing!

Anonymous's picture

So I read this and tried two things listed;

1: Drank hot water.
2: Rocked back and forth on the floor and massaged my lower stomach.

Surprise! poo finally came out. When I sat on the pot to try and get it out (after the coffee and stomach massages) nothing was coming at 1st so I had this feeling that I needed to massage my lower left stomach area (where left colon is) and that's the final thing that triggered it to pop out.

So try all three things! see what happens.

Anonymous's picture

The vagina trick really works. Just stick your finger or object and push down on the down side of the inner walls.... You could literally feel the shit there. Sorry guys, girls only.

Anonymous's picture

On Tuesday, I bent over to pick something up and hurt my back. I could only lay down the rest of the day. On Thurs. I drove eight hours to see family and still couldn't stand up straight. On Sunday of the same week, I drove the 8 hours home. On Mon, I realized I hadn't shit since I hurt my back. I tried to and I had a huge stuck one.

First I tried the glycerin suppositories and got it to move further down. Still too big and hard to come out, I took some stool softener/laxative pills. Waited six hours and still nothing but stuff going around it, a lot of stuff. That stone was stuck!

Then I went and got Magnesium Citrate, that's the stuff you're Dr. tells you to drink before a scope. I waited another six hours and nothing.

I went to the ER to get help. After a lot of pain and nausea I had a sudden urge for the bathroom and BAM! it dropped. I thought I had just given birth. "Everything" came out and my back hurts still but at least I'm not hiding a fugitive shit anymore.

Anonymous's picture

Coffee + laxative + fiber .. You'll lose 2 lbs fast.

Anonymous's picture

Hey all, experienced pooper here. I've been suffering from anal fissures, hard stool, and hemorrhoids. No doubt they're not fun at all. I've finally decided to find methods for stopping this nonsense.

First of all, eat more veggies/fruits and drink 8+ cups of water everyday! And also exercise. Try eating foods such as oranges (vitamin C is good), apples with the skin, prunes, oatmeal, bran.

Try not to sit or stand too much -- always give yourself breaks and do some exercise as one of the reasons for your suffering right now could be muscle spasms so you need to relax them. Don't sit on the toilet for hours though as this is bad for your anus and also could damage your nerves.

Anyways, for better toilet experiences, try sitting with your body leaning forward, elbows on thighs (you can also try stretching your thighs apart), and take deep breaths. Like other people suggested, blowing your nose also helps you push. The best method though is squatting as this is the natural position for defecation. (I'm not too fond of this position though..)

If your poop gets stuck, here are some methods for when your poop gets stuck. Try smothering some Vaseline in it or grab a tissue paper and soak it with water and squeeze it up against your anus/poop (this may help liquefy it a bit). It worked for me today. Also, don't force it! You can get painful fissures like me. Another yucky method (for the sake of your butt) is to grab a tissue and try to pick it out. Even if you pick out a tiny piece, it still helps it a bit.

After you finish, grab a piece of wet tissue and clean your anus (keeps it clean and healthy) and try soaking your butt in warm water for awhile as it helps clean and relax your anus.

This is what I have so far and this is what I mostly needed. Hope it works for you guys! Remember, always drink water, exercise, and don't sit/stand for too long!

Anonymous's picture

I've been trying too poop for two days now but nothing comes out! I push hard but it just hurts too much. Most of the time I have to give up. It really hurts and it's really uncomfortable. I am starting to get worried! I feel like I need to go but it just doesn't come out. Does anybody know some tricks?

Anonymous's picture

After two days trying to get this turd unstuck, so much pain swelling and straining, nothing helped until I found this site. Milk of magnesia and water worked for me. I took it after six, and went to the bathroom but it was still stuck so I went to bed.

The next morning I could feel it shifting within me with hemorrhoids and a swollen rectum. I knew this was going to hurt like hell so I reached for the bottle of Vaseline to grease my asshole and save some pain. i

It started to move before I had that chance. I could feel my rectum dilating, too late to grease! I had to push hard and was about to faint. It was bigger around than a golf ball and five to six inches long. What a relief that was but the pain and burning was unreal. That's what worked for me. Good luck to you people with this problem. I know what you are feeling.

Anonymous's picture

I hadn't pooped in three days and I was getting so scared I was ready to tell my parents, but than I found this website and did everything it said, well most of the things. I went to the washroom and just sat their thinking, I crouched down and pushed but it hurt too much so I kinda gave up. I just sat and breathed in and out and pushing a little at a time and ten minutes later out comes the monster inside me. So I know now, crouch down while standing, breath and well, wait.

This helped me, I don't know if it will help you though.

Anonymous's picture

Hi,

My girlfriend has been in panic mode for the last couple of days as her poo was stuck and was starting to hurt. I guess it was probably stuck and dried out so I read these posts.

I Followed the one where you get a bottle of warm water and gently squirt about have a bottle up. After about five minutes I heard an almighty explosion and then received a great amount of thanks and the statement that has brought us closer together ! "I would do the same for you." But she is so relieved as we started to panic. It definitely worked, and fast.

For anyone stuck out there you should try this!

Anonymous's picture

Now the toilet is plugged!!! Great!

Anonymous's picture

Hahaha. Thank you all backed up buddies! Reading the comments helped me laugh and relax enough that eventually the monster worked it's way out! Wow it hurt but finally! I didn't actually try any of the tips but the relaxing breathing must have helped because all I did was read and breathe. I suggest you just read the comments on this page and forget your troubles, eventually you'll be done with the first thing, which is getting "it" out. Now it's onto soothing the cuts and tears. Ouch!

Anonymous's picture

If it's stuck, don't freak out. Just lean back on the toilet and relax for a minute. It actually works surprisingly enough.

Anonymous's picture

I've been taking methadone daily for years now and it has a bad side effect, it makes you backed up something chronic. You can only shit once every 2-3 days and its pretty bad, hurts quite a bit. I've gotten piles, fissures and been dizzy from straining. Laxatives aren't too good to take every day either.

When I finally get to back one out it's a fricking relief, just great, but every so often something funny happens, especially if I've eaten big meals on the non-poop days. The crapper gets blocked up because of how hard and big these things get, it's like flushing rocks.

Man I've had to tip up to 3-4 big buckets of hot water in the loo to dislodge the buggers and they occasionally stop the pipes up, I mean you flush and flush. There are no turds to be seen but they are there down the tubes a bit, then all of a sudden it gets free and there's this almighty clunk and all this water just goes in one hit and empties the bowl totally.

Funny stuff. This site is truly funny shit! hahahahaha!!!!

Anonymous's picture

I take methadone because I was addicted to heroin for some years and for the past five or six years every poop I have is like this. When I was using everyday I used to not shit for weeks, maybe two weeks at the most, mainly because I didn't eat and I would throw up if I got too fucked up. The opiates cause severe constipation and is probably the worst symptom out of withdraw and that whole ordeal.

It was like this, when I did poop it would seriously be a foot long and almost a tennis ball thick. I literally ripped my b-hole. Every time I shit it bleeds because it's so thick and it hardly moves, so I did what some people said like use your fingers to slowly remove it. It worked but I would still bleed and be in severe pain. Sometimes the poop was so hard I couldn't break it inside me. So I took a lot of fiber and laxatives and eventually suppositories which enter your rectum.

It's awful nothing works and it's almost like I'm used to shitting like this now. My doc at the clinic says I have anal fissures and hopefully I'll be getting on some prescription laxatives.

The only thing I would do is try to change your diet. I notice when I drink a lot of water and eat lots of fibrous meals. It's a very soft poop but it still hurts a lot. I don't know what to do.

Anonymous's picture

I've been constipated for over a week now. I'm used to it but not liking it because its a big lump. It hurts and when I think I have it coming out I find it's still in me and I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried everything but can't tell my mum with my dad around. I feel like I'm going to die right now.

Anonymous's picture

After my wisdom teeth extraction I wasn't able to pass any poop because of taking hydrocodone. My mom suggested I should take a laxative, THAT WAS A MISTAKE!

The front end of the load was solid and the back end of the BM was pure liquid and pushing the dense matter through my colon so fast I felt like I was going to die on the toilet!

Worst day ever.

I wish I would have explored all the other options first!

Anonymous's picture

Just put your finger in your arse and push as hard as you can.

Anonymous's picture

Thank God for this site, I'm twenty-one years old and I've had this problem for eight years, since I was thirteen. I cured it the first time by having patience and sweating it off, it took me about a month before it was back to normal.

It started again last night. I needed a dump all day but I was at work and very busy. When I got home The first poo was very solid and I strained for two hours, then I felt my ass being ripped open. I gave up because I was shattered.

I went for a bath, wiped my ass, then went to bed, I ate some pasta for breakfast to give me energy but now its stuck at the tip of my ass and I felt my other poos behind it getting squished. So I laid off for a bit and this is what I did;

Go in the shower, put the nozzle on full blast directly at you hole, then fire! Try to get sweaty as well, do squats, then you should see little bits going on to your bath tub.

If that doesn't work sweat it off. Do some running, a lot of walking, and drink water.

Good Luck, bloody painful!

Anonymous's picture

I finally managed to get the bad-boy out, however this was only the start of the problem.

It would not flush! I tried to break it down with a pencil and succeeded. However this led to pencil marks all around the basin. Logically I used an eraser to try and remove the marks. This however only made things worse.

I now have to wait and explain to my mum why our toilet looks like a coloring book.

Today has been a bad day but at least I am now free of the massive poo!

Anonymous's picture

I have been on the toilet for two whole hours pushing and pushing and it hurts!! I haven't gone in a week. I have to poop so bad. I am a 19 year old woman. This case of constipation is about the worst yet!

Anonymous's picture

Yay, at least my constipated poop came out but than it became diarrhea, but I didn't care. At least I could shit. So after I ate looooaaaadddsss of food I like and I got much better and all symptoms vanished. The food I ate were things like McDonald's, pasta , fajitas and a load of other great tasting food. It's also helpful to have an iPad when on the shit. God bless all of you. I feel sorry for you =c

Anonymous's picture

This happened to me today, I thought I was gonna rip my asshole apart. The turd was the size of a golf ball, and hard like one too. I had a hell of a time trying to dig it out of my butt but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

OUCH!

Anonymous's picture

I just sat here while trying to release my demons, praying to God and laughing my ass off at all your stories. I finally passed the devil bitch, worst pain ever! Thank you all.

Anonymous's picture

Sit on the toilet with your legs completely spread apart, then pull apart your butt cheeks and push. If that doesn't work, put Vaseline on your anus and push with your butt cheeks spread apart. If that also doesn't work, get a friend to help you. That's what I do and my friends always help me push out my poop. My poop is always hard, big, and knobbly, and don't be embarrassed to grunt!

Anonymous's picture

I had a similar experience. My friend was over and I had to poop so I went to the toilet and pushed and pushed. My anus opened and my poop was hard and it came half way out my butt and it wouldn't come out farther.

I was grunting and straining so loudly that my friend came in and helped. My friend pulled my butt cheeks apart and helped me push the poop out of my anus. So I think you should sit on the toilet and push until your anus opens then pull apart your butt and see if you can push anything out.

Anonymous's picture

I've been constipated quite often and sometimes it takes hours of straining, pushing, rocking, massaging, etc before it comes out. I've previously passed poop almost as wide as tennis balls and pretty much have passed out from exhaustion, pain, and change in blood pressure.

I was out at a bar with some friends just now and had the feeling to go. I tried at the bar and knew I had to be at home for this. After half an hour of struggling I decided to feel around my rectal area with toilet paper and I could feel a hard mass pushing against my rectum. Luckily I could feel a tiny point so I put some Vaseline around my anus with gloves and even put a little bit inside after trying to push the poop back in a little bit. Then I tried again and the massive turd just slid right out. The toilet clogged. I felt like there was more massive turds to come or diarrhea. But the initial poop was out.

Another tip. If your turd is too hard or big to flush, break it up with a wire clothes hanger tip. I'm so sick of my irregular BMs controlling my life.

Anonymous's picture

Hi, I'm 13 years old and I go poop about once or twice a day and almost every other day this happens to me. I'll usually be walking around and then I feel something in my butt so I go to the bathroom and I'm sitting on the toilet for about 30 minutes pushing and doing all I can to get the demon out and it's not painful and it just feels kinda small and I don't know what's wrong anybody know what I Need to do?

Anonymous's picture

I have an anal fissure and I'm constipated once again! Hopefully the laxative and the Miralax will work! Baby laxatives are great if your poop is rock hard. You insert the baby laxative, which is liquid, in your anus and bam! easy sailing.

Anonymous's picture

So my husband finds this website and is trying to read to me while I'm on the crapper pushing, screaming, crying and begging him for help. I was bracing my hands against both walls in my toilet and had my feet on the seat while trying to push out my hard as a rock stuck shit. Well my event lasted about an hour, trust me when I tell you that delivering my twin boys was an easier task.

So nobody talks about trying to flush the bastard down. The damn thing would not go down, it took forever and constant flushing. Then my husband had to pull out the plunger and plunge the hell out of our toilet for it to get through the pipes. What a fiasco!

I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy!
Happy pooping!

Anonymous's picture

Omg, I had the worst experience of my life today. This hell lasted for one hour. I'm currently 29 weeks pregnant and have been having constipation on and off throughout the pregnancy, but never experienced what I did today. I felt the urge to shit, so I went ahead and did my thing. I got a couple rabbit pellets out but still felt there was more. I tried for about 10 minutes or so, I'm hot, sweaty and nauseous at this point. The shit is crowning, but just won't come out. It won't go back in either. So I got up wiped as best as I could and tried walking around. With that shit crowning still, I'm waddling around with just my undies on. It was so uncomfortable. I try again a few times cuz' after walking around a little, I feel like it's coming out. But again no success, just hot sweats and nausea and a lot of cursing. One last time, I walk around uncomfortably with this shit still crowning. I walk up stairs and downstairs. The urge comes again I finally give a little push and it slowly comes out. I was almost in tears, tears of joy. I looked in the toilet, it was the biggest shit I ever saw. Longest and thickest. Luckily I had no blood. I almost took a pic of it, but thought that was too disgusting. I wonder if pushing out my baby will be a similar experience cuz' that was truly hell for me! Now I'm scared its gonna happen again, this led me to this website. I was laughing out loud and at the same time I felt everyone's pain.

Anonymous's picture

Something tells me you watch Beavis and Butthead.

Anonymous's picture

I tried a laxative, prune juice, coffee, then another laxative. I ate pizza, tried some lettuce, nothing is working and this hurts!

It happened at 2am last night and its 9:48 PM the next day. I want this feeling out of my butt. I want it to turn into mush so I can squirt it out instead of trying to get a basketball outta my butt!

Anonymous's picture

I sat on my toilet at lunch cause I had to go and I was like pushing and pushing and I started to freak out because it hurt like hell. I got a warm towel and put it around my head, stayed on the toilet and tried to relax. I grabbed the side of the toilet and pushed really hard and it just fell out I was like "awwwwwww so nice," and I only took 29 minutes of my lunch break.

Anonymous's picture

You should actually pay attention to what you are reading before jumping on your soapbox and being rude and talking out your ass about something you thought you read but didn't pay one bit of attention to.

That was a 13 yr old boy writing and its wasn't a bar of soap it was something to drink that might help in a couple of hours. Next if your going to write and slander people make sure you correctly read and paid attention to what was written. Good thing you're anonymous or that little boy's parents would have a good case for slander if they wanted.

I know if you replied that to my kid I would in a heartbeat. If you're too ignorant to pay attention to something and take everything out of context, it sounds like you didn't read it at all actually, don't try to reply with dumb ass ignorant rude comments about stuff you know nothing about. Damn I can't stand dealing with ignorant dumb ass people! Yeah I just said that, you actually deserve it, reply to a thirteen year old boy talking like that about his parents. It's disgusting, and I hate to think of him reading that nasty stuff you wrote him about them. That's awful to write him that, you should be ashamed of your self!

I am going to act ignorant like you for a minute and ask you a question, are you a predator? Do you like talking nasty to kids? Since you wrote that to him? There was no reason for it. Maybe your just sick!

__________________________________

Moderators comment;

It is extremely doubtful that any court would consider a comment made on a web site that is devoted to poop humor libelous. You need to lighten up anonymous.

ChiefThunderbutt

Anonymous's picture

Laughing my ass off! My shit is the size of a fucking baby. It's midnight my mom is sleeping and I'm sitting here wishing this damn alien would leave me alone.

I might try the prune juice. It's so big. SHITTTT I wanna die!

Anonymous's picture

Maybe I can help. I know it's annoying and painful and you get sweaty and all that kind of stuff but try not to put your fingers in your asshole! You should sit in a normal position, you put your legs on the toilet so you'll look like a girl are peeing in nature. That really helps! You can buy some tablets too to get softer poop,and if you like sweets stop eating them for two to four days! That will help you.

Don't sit on the toilet one hour or six hours! If you can't calm down get away from the bathroom drink water and do something fun. Try to forget pooping for awhile. I know you can't but I have the same problem now and that helps. If you can't poop for a long time you have to go to the doctor, by the way every person should poop at least once a day.

Have a great pooping time!

Anonymous's picture

wow man...have I had a fuckin' nightmare tonight... I've been constipated the whole night - went to the toilet once, strained like a madman but only a piece of this rock-solid meteorite shit came out, with the rest stuck somewhere deep inside my ass. I knew it immediately - it's gonna be a deathmatch between me and the monster shit. Went to the toilet a couple of times more, during the course of the night, but no luck, the shit was so huge and hard that I knew right away that there is no human way for it to slide out. So I remembere I had some condoms and lubricants which I use with my girlfriend...I went to the toilet, put the damn condom on my finger, put loads of lube on it and shoved it up my ass, trying to grease up the way out for the shit-monster. The feeling was terrible : as soon as I would put my finger inside, I felt a sudden urge to crap, strained, but the shit was not coming out. It was monstrous, I could touch the tip of the shit with my finger, it was even peaking out of my ass - but the problem was that it was just like an iceberg, only a tiny piece showing itself, and the rest of the lump hidden in the dark. I swear, I've spent 2 condoms on my finger and about 6 packages of lube, trying to grease up that shit. Then I tried to split it with my finger, inside my ass, but it was too damn elusive. Finally, when I figured out my technique was not working, I simply tried as hard as I can to drill my finger in the middle of the shit, hoping it would decompose or change shape. I even got my whole damn clothes off, even my fucking socks, I was sweating all over. Decided to give it one last push , and it felt like my ass was ripping apart, but the monster somehow started to creep out of my ass, over and over, like a giant snake. And FINALLY it got out. It looked like an anaconda who just ate a cow. Horrible sight. Now I'm lying in bed, my ass hurts really bad because of the straining, but at least I'm glad I got that black magic monster shit out of me. DO NOT EAT DRY FOOD, avoid bread, drink a lot of liquid, eat fibre, use probiotics. And hold on all you suckers out there - BE STRONG ! It will eventually pop out, there is hope for humanity !!! :)

Anonymous's picture

Worst experience of my life. A poop the size of Africa was sitting there ready to come out, but not without making my ass explode first. My solution was a stool softener which I let work overnight, excess fluids (water and green tea), lying in the shower on my back with my knees up towards my chest and shooting the warm water up my butt, went for a slow walk with the dog and then FINALLY it came out without having to strain (one final triumphant push at the end, which I was petrified to do). The immense feeling of relief after was euphoric.

Big thanks to everyone on this site. You made me laugh so hard even though I all I wanted to do was die.

Anonymous's picture

Hi guys, I know the pain everyone is going through. My problem got so bad I ended up having surgery twice! I have learned only push so far and breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth. Relax yourself and let nature take its course.

Also drinking loads of water along with a glass of prune juice mixed wit hot water before bed really helps. Two Dulcolax twice a week is brilliant if your problem is recurring . No fast food no bread and most definitely no damn cheese.

Also get a poop stool, it helps to angle your legs so it slips out easier. Sounds like a lot of work just to poo, right? I'm telling you you wont care once you go. I would never wish it on anyone, not being able to "perform."

Anal fissures, piles tight ass hole. I had the lot. Seriously, 18 months of the crap I had now I'm recovering. Don't be embarrassed to go to the Dr. if it continues unless you want to have 8 weeks off work recovering from anal surgery like me.

Anonymous's picture

Think of something stressful or sad and concentrate really on those thoughts and be calm. It works for me.

Anonymous's picture

I am nineteen years old and was about to blow something up or punch in hole in the wall. I put some warm water where the sun doesn't shine, pushed for ten minutes and everything fell out over the hour I was sitting on the toilet.

I have constipation a lot. I might be good for a week or so then
I'll get backed up for a week.

My doctor told me, "use probiotics to get your intestines in sync."

Damn there is a lot of people with irregular poop issues!

Anonymous's picture

Damn, I was scared for my life on the toilet for two hours. The turd was halfway out the whole time but stuck. I drank liquor yesterday, is that the problem?

Anonymous's picture

I've been constipated for five days. It was about two weeks ago that my doctor put me on Miralax, and we ran out. I kept asking my parents if they could get more, but hell, no. They just kept forgetting. So I'm at school making quiet farts in my share, and all the while trying to push this monster shit out of my puny a-hole.

I come over to my moms, I do enemas, laxatives, freaking everything. I consumed three double shots, and I'm rocking back and forth like a freaking animal and I developed hemorrhoids. So now I can't even push like a goddamn woman!

Well, I bought myself a bottle of prune juice, drank it like I never drank that disgusting crap before. I drank the whole bottle. Now I have water dripping from my ass.

Just get a bottle of prune juice, it'l work, they said!

Anonymous's picture

Movicol from the Chemist works well on impacted poo. You start off between 2 sachets a day rising to 8 for the really well cemented ones. Also, stock up on Uniroid Cream Suppositories and if you have blood coming out in the basin, check with your G.P. because you may have an anal fissure. Along with this drink at least 2-liters of water per day along with roughage. Buy them in the health food shop and add them to your Weetabix. Try and exercise, walking as much as you comfortably can. Until the poos are back to normal.

Keep up this regime. BTW, this is a third stage advice: senna, lactulose should come first for a few days. good luck!

Anonymous's picture

Drink as much water as you can.

Anonymous's picture

I have chronic constipation and don't go to the toilet everyday. Well, today I had it bad. I strained and use TP to try and extract it but I could not grab the very small head that peeked out. I changed positions from squatting and sitting and putting my legs on my chest until I felt like I was on the verge of fainting.

So I stopped and pushed it back in with some TP until my crack closed up. Then I took a cold shower and lay on the bed on my stomach. It feels too uncomfortable in any other positions. I smelled like poop too because my crack wouldn't fully close.

hen I googled and came upon this website which gave me fits of laughter and while browsing the comments I guzzled half a bottle of water and every few minutes a few more sips. Then my sis came in the room and switched on the fan at full speed and it blew right in my face. I massaged my kidney areas and the area below my belly button and continued reading.

After about one hour my stomach began aching and cramping like when you have diarrhea and I farted stink bombs constantly. I massaged my abdomen and my lower back for awhile and finally couldn't take it anymore because I felt like puking with that cold wind blowing right in my face.

I ran to the toilet and I still refused to loosen my hole for fear that it might get stuck again. Then I thought that I should prepare a wet bar of soap just in case. In the middle of wetting the soap, with a turtle head poking out while I'm at the basin, I suddenly got a really really strong feeling that I have to come now. So with the soap still on my hand, I aimed for the bowl. I barely sat down and it all came gushing out like a bullet being fired.

I looked in the bowl and the watery diarrhea had covered the hard ball so I cant see how big it was. But never have I felt so much relief. I am very prone to stomachaches due to cold air swallowing and stomach gas. So maybe that's why it worked for me. PHEW!

Anonymous's picture

I've also been through a total nightmare the last couple of days. I had the wort case of constipation I have ever had started Friday morning. I had a coffee, thought I really needed to go to the loo, rushed upstairs, sat on the toilet and only a couple of pieces like bits of rabbit droppings came out. I strained and strained and could feel it up there but I just could not get it out so I gave up feeling really uncomfortable thinking I would get it out by the end of the day drinking plenty of water.

I kept rushing upstairs thinking I could go but to no avail it was getting worse and worse, my bum was burning so bad and soon by evening I still hadn't gone and I felt tearful. I tried having a fag sitting on the toilet straining I felt around and I could feel the bulging and could feel the poo by inserting a finger so feeling pissed off and worried I tried to scoop it out manually. I got a few hard bits out and when I looked I saw blood all in the pan and on my finger. This got me more worried.

I cleaned up feeling real sore and damaged. I knew I must have torn myself by getting some out but I had enough. I was tired then and went to bed. I felt so uncomfortable even laying in bed. I could feel it inside all day. I had this dragging feeling. I just wanted it gone.

I awoke in the morning to the urge again to go. I went to the loo and sat down but it still would not budge. Smoked a fag and strained again to no avail so I decided to go to the chemist. It was Saturday night and I had friends coming round so I went to the laxative bit and saw something called dulco ease, its a stool softener, I took 1 tablet right away, your supposed to take 1 three times a day, and then the day after increase it to 5 times a day. I held on to hope getting through the day with a horrible aching feeling.

By about 6pm, 6 hours after I took the meds, I had the feeling I needed to go, by now I was so worried about going because of the pain so I put it off and had a bath. When I got out I was getting ready the urge got stronger so I went downstairs poured a Jack Daniels and lit a fag, by now I could feel it coming out so I sat on the toilet. When I felt it coming I pushed with all the strength I had left and slowly but surely it came down followed by a mound of softer stools. I nearly cried with happiness, the horrible feeling was gone and I felt so much lighter and relived.

I got on with my night and today I've been 3 times, it's still not really soft but its getting there I'm so glad I'm taking these pills I was so scared and in so much pain. My advice, don't leave it because it will get worse.

Anonymous's picture

Yesterday I sat on the toilet but nothing came out, it was like a log stuck up my bum it hurt so much when I tried to push it out. It was stuck half way out but by the time I got some toilet paper it had gone back up. Ewwww! I tried today and it still wouldn't come out so I thought it was serious so I searched it up on Google and found this website and sat and read it on the toilet, then tried to do a poo and it came out, voila! Magic lolz

Anonymous's picture

This happened to me 5-6 hours ago. I'm an eleven year old girl by the way. Anyway, it literally felt like I was pushing A tennis ball outta my anus!

But then my Mom saved the day! She gave me a laxative (ouch!) & a stool softener, AND Meralax, and within the next three hours of screaming and dying of pain on the toilet, the turd popped out! I was literally doing the Happy dance!

Hallelujah!

Anonymous's picture

It worked! The blowing of the nose really worked!

PS: I am a 17 year old girl so this can happen to anyone!

Anonymous's picture

That is exactly what I had to do. I was in so much pain, my mom just told me to go to bed but I couldn't even lay on my butt. I tried everything, I eventually had to pull it all out. I know it sounds disgusting and seriously disturbing but it worked.

Anonymous's picture

Hello to everyone on this forum! I came across this page after trying to go for a BM, for some twelve hours I was in quite a state.

While trying to soothe myself in the shower I thought of a genius idea. I was looking around my bathroom at bottles and boom, the idea hit me, I walked over to a local shop and bought a cheap drink with a nozzle for drinking out of. Instead of taking the lid off, I lubricated myself and the bottle head. I squirted warm water inside myself and within 20 minutes my ordeal was all over. What a relief felt like I dropped a brick out of my backside!

I thought I would share this with you guys in case you're in a bad way someday. Wishing you all many easy transactions from now on! haha

Anonymous's picture

Today I sat brokenhearted as I tried to shit but only farted.

On a serious note I am on methadone and oxycodone for pain both of which are constipating I snacked on Twizzlers, soda, chips, and PB&J sandwich's and did not poop for three days. When I finally tried to go it put a hurting on my tiny bung hole.

After straining, pushing, panting, sweating, and getting weaker by the moment I said, "fuck it, I'll dig it out by hand." I tried but had no luck. I tried while squatting, standing, bent over while standing, but couldn't get anything out. I didn't care if I shit on the floor I was in so much pain.

I had to go sit and get a drink before I passed out. I grabbed some milk of magnesia and I took 4 tablespoons full which I washed down with a 16oz bottle of water. After about eight minutes I went back in the torture chamber. I thought about telling the wife to keep 911 on speed dial.

I stood at the sink bent over pushing and screaming until I felt the turd just peeking out. I sat on the pot pushed and felt a rush of ease and everything quit hurting although my asshole and insides were on fire. I yelled for the old lady and I said, "look!", and that's when we saw this massive log at lease eight inches round and sixteen inches long. It was bigger than our 7 year old's arm. I am amazed that it came out of me and even took a picture for future proof.

I know you pain. I feel your pain. Drink the milk of magnesia and water and within an hour it loosens up the intestinal area and the sucker will break lose.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

This is a reply to the anonymous person who posted on 4.18.2012 saying they had split their ass while trying to force out satin. I don't know why this comment (which was made as a reply to the other) won't post in the correct place.

Pushing satin out of your ass eh? Satin is a nice soft cloth and should have caused you no discomfort unless you had crammed a whole bolt of it up your ass.

Did you possibly mean to say Satan? Satan is the Prince of Darkness and even a fourteen year old should have better sense than to engage in buggery with such an evil creature. An entity who is probably armed with a barbed penis of immense size.

You should have started with an imp or one of the lesser demons who comes equipped with a less prodigious member. After a few bouts with these minor creatures of Hell your pucker will be stretched to a size that will accommodate Beelzebub himself.

Good luck!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous's picture

A few days ago I was pushing satin out of my ass and my bum split. I'm now really scared to poo because I don't want to go through that again. It was really scary. By the way I'm fourteen. Please help cause I really need to poop now!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Laxatives past their expiration date? Why bother? Just gorge yourself on expired limberger cheese and prunes and that should do the trick nicely.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous's picture

Help! I haven't pooped in three days and it hurts so much to try and push it out. Can I take laxatives if they are past the use by date? Any other suggestions? I need to poop now!

Anonymous's picture

I don't know what to say but I hope it gets better.

Anonymous's picture

This worked for me, thank, you for sharing. I thought my asshole was gonna fall off!

Anonymous's picture

Wow this just happened to me. It was right on the edge but stuck! It felt like a huge round hard baseball stuck in my ass! I found this site and tried the crouching over the shit hole instead of sitting on it worked bc sitting that long had my legs and feet numb. I had to get up for lose of circulation! After it finally came out after getting up on the crapper like that 3 times it came out and I washed my ass with hot water and soap.I looked at my asshole with a mirror and I saw 2 little hemroids that formed. Not to mention the one I already have. I put some pep H on it and I'm praying that I wont need to have hemoride surgery!

Anonymous's picture

GARRRH! Last night I took the mother of shits! After a few rabbit pellets and having to manually take some out, the scriest thing imaginable happened! I'm frikin bleeding! Now I still have some stool stuck in the anal and warm milk before bed did NOTHING! *sigh* Sitting at the most uncomfortable angles and slept terribly! I can frikin feel it up there!!! Stool softners better help, there is no frikin way I'm going to the doctor's! Why God whyyyyy! I cried, I cussed left right and centre for this mofo to come out but to no avail, it's stuck! I didn't want to sleep last night bc I thought since I'm bleeding I'm might bleed to death in my sleep! Oh GOOD GOD!!! Wtf ik I'm not a believer but WTF! Stupid shit, I heard if it doesn't come out in a few days to go to the ER :'(

Anonymous's picture

Drink Chamomile tea! Steep it for 5 minutes and you will be well on your way to the shitter! If it gets stuck, clean up and drink more tea till you need to go again!

Anonymous's picture

Eat a spoonful of peanut butter.

Anonymous's picture

There is something I call the craphole button. On a woman it is located between the vagina and the craphole. That girl was right. You can push from the outside. You feel a bulge there and push on it with your finger to make crap come out or the end of a hairbrush or any other non sharp tool you can think of if you have trouble reaching--something blunt ended so you won't slip into vagina by accident. I know I don't want to enter my vag or anus to remove poop. On a guy the button should be on that little line between balls and A-hole, but I don't know how good it works for guys since I'm not one. Also take stool softener if it is too big so you won't hurt your hole. Try to go every day or every other day so it won't get big again. Good Luck!

Anonymous's picture

As Stupid as it sounds it helps to have some reading material around. It helps take your mind off of the problem and your butt will relax and let the poop chute go

Anonymous's picture

Holy crap! Literally! Lol
So my story is a follows; I had herniated a disc in my back last October, went thru all the physical therapy and two injections to try and fix it and it didn't work. Got scheduled for surgery and in the days leading up to it, 2/28-3/1, I developed a stomach bug and a kidney stone. The stomach bug cleared out my intestines and then the kidney stone got me a sweet dose of morphine for the, off the chart, pain. I had the surgery this past Monday, 3/5/12, and they gave me Vicodin for the pain. Now, I believe that the sweet shot of morphine and the Vicodin really did a number on the "wave action" of my intestines because today I FINALLY felt the urge to take my first dump in 6 days!!
Oddly, I was excited because my body was getting back on track, but when that poop just stopped at the exit, I knew I had a problem. I was pretty constipated. I was taking a stool softener but the Vicodin, I think, was still messing things up.
It's not only painful and uncomfortable to have that crap lodged right there in your butt, it's down right annoying!!! It's so close, but it's the size if a football and won't budge. MFer!!!
Thanks to this site and this thread, I was able to relax some and try some of the suggestions from previous posts.
First, I grabbed a bunch of gloves, then some Desitin (butt cream, Dr Smiths diaper cream is the same stuff). I donned a glove and smeared some cream all over my butthole. I knew it was gonna get abused, so.... I drank a glass of straight water, soaked in a tub of warm water, ate a banana and an apple, another glass of water. Fiber and fluids. Yay!
I even poked my own butt with my finger and tried to wiggle the f-ing turd loose. After about 30min and sitting on the toilet with my feet up on a shoe box, I finally got it moving.
GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY!!! Once I got the shit started, I kept pushing and pushing. I wanted as much of it out as possible and I want going to settle for rabbit pellets.
The feeling of accomplishment and freedom and peace that settles upon you once it's all out is fantastic. You feel a little violated, because that crap stretches your hole to the max, but when you finally flush that shit, life is good again.
Patience, you're not alone. You'll make it. Laugh at us and before you know it, you'll be free!!

Anonymous's picture

I've had the same problem for about 5 days now, I honestly think its either a basketball up there or an organ. I really want it gone. I have diarrhea and blood. Help?

Anonymous's picture

Best thing to do if its hard as hell and you're crowning that shit out like a mofo is to start doing squats over the toilet. That shit will come flying out like an erotic ping pong act! :D

Anonymous's picture

Ooh shit! That sucks! Breathe deeply

Anonymous's picture

Oh man. This literally JUST happened to me. I had just gotten into bed and then I had to poop, so I'm in the bathroom, ready to push this sucker out so I can go to sleep, and it gets stuck. It took me a good 30 minutes just to get a little piece out. What I ended up doing was standing up a little from the toilet and clenching. I sat back down and the big poop came out in no time. My butt hurts like a bitch now though. :(

Anonymous's picture

My poo is not stuck but my fart is stuck it hurts so much.

Anonymous's picture

I was in so much pain and I found out that sitting next to a hot or warm radiator softens your poop. As soon as you do that you will feel the benefit of it.

Anonymous's picture

Oh my god! I gave birth to a healthy 6 pound turd today. I can honestly say that I have never been so constopated in all of my life and the pain I experienced today was ungodly. I haven't pushed or pressed that much since I gave birth to my daughter. 6 double espresso and two enema later and I was still reeling from the discomfort of carrying a brick in my ass. Every now and then I'd squirt a little, but that rat bastard just wouldn't budge. I was in so much excruciating pain, pale as a ghost, sweating and damn near passing out from the effort. It was so impacted that it actually pressed on my urethra and I could barely urinated. I even put my finger up my butt to try and tease the shit out. It was hard as a rock and seem to have set up shop there. After about 7 hrs of running to the toilet every time a bit of fluid made it passed the barricade, I finally decided to google it and came upon this site. After reading a few hilarious posts, I relaxed and wouldn't you know it, I finally pushed that beast out. It was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life, right up there with giving birth and passing a kidney stone. I screamed at the top of my lungs and pushed one last time with every little bit of fight I had left and finally won! I swear to God that mo' fo' grinned and winked at me as I sent it to a watery grave. It's been several hours since this horrible ordeal took place and I still feel like I got raped by a donkey. If it hadn't been for this site, I wouldn't have been able to relax enough to let nature take it's course. So thanks! All of you! Oh and I've done the blowing nose thing too. In my experience, it only works on minor constipation. You have to bring out the heavy artillery if it's truly impacted. Same goes for rockin' and rollin'. Massive amounts of coffee, an enema, and the power of suggestion should do the trick. Good luck!

Anonymous's picture

Brilliant website, effing hilarious in places and really helpful ha ha butt problems over till next time. Thanks so much : )

Anonymous's picture

I love this website!!!

Anonymous's picture

This does actually work; the reason why it does is because primitive man was made so that when he/she squatted down the muscles around the ... uhh... you know what I mean, become relaxed when they are pulled by your legs being bent. This was the natural position that we used to get into when using the restroom, and our bodies our designed to streamline the process when we get into that position.

Anonymous's picture

To sit in it or what???

Anonymous's picture

Ok so my poop was stuck bad and I MEAN BAD I couldn't get anything out and I was scared so I went here and I did some of the following; drank plenty of water, crouched over the toilet instead of sitting on it, and did the "I'm not worthy pose" mentioned by Turdmatic 6000, did some exersise, put a wad of toilet paper up my butt and I pooped with some sucsess thanks to all who posted ways to get it out I did check if there was anything else by yes sticking my finger up my butthole. To me it felt kinda good btw ;)

Anonymous's picture

Hi. So, this is highly embaressing but I'm actually getting really worried. Last night I needed to poop so I went to the the toilet. A few little bits came out but then this monster poop got stuck. I have tried about 5 times since then to get it out with no success.

Now its gotten to the point where I keep heaving when I push. My bum is so swollen that it hurts too much to try ( literally sat on the toilet goin "no no no no no no NOOO' and grabbing hold of the radiator for leverage.

I can feel it on my poop shoot but I only get a turtle head popping out even with my hardest push. When I put my hand around that general area I could actually feel it pushing out. It seems to be twice the size of what my bum can stretch.. I'm in agony.

Laxatives, warm bath, coffee, water and nicotine has not helped in the slightest. Might go doctors.

Anonymous's picture

Arg same thing happened to me.I had to use the bathroom and sat there and pooped out 2 little tiny poos.Then I still had the urge to go so I pushed and it came out and it just stopped at the end.I pushed and pushed but nothing.I even shook my hips side to side to see if it would just drop out.Nothing worked and this has happened to me before like kinda a lot of times.Drinking water and eating fiber is hard for me since I'm only a 13 year old girl which means i usually drink soda and eat food that doesn't have a lot of fiber in it.Try to eat Fiber One bars they help soften the poo and it works in like 30 minutes.It works sooo good for me its a blessing. The more I ate the faster I got to push out the evil poop inside me XD.

Anonymous's picture

I just finished a week long fast. After the first 24 hrs you don't actually poop again, and it's not my first fast, so I knew that already. So Saturday, break the fast with venison stew, angel food cake, pears, hot chocolate, crackers. The next morning I had a bagel and egg burrito with salsa. Lunch was pasta with meat sauce, rolls, and orange kool-aid. Dinner I had some cookies, and a slice of pizza, as well as a glass of Dr. Pepper. A full 48 hour after breaking the fast, still hadn't pooped, it was terrible. Not in pain, just really wanted to poop, I enjoy it, and I miss pooping. So, this morning, I took 2 child laxative suppositories. Got them about an inch and a half up my anus, and found a hard lump of poop...so I just left them next to the poop...15 minutes later, and a decent bit of straining, they were out and about floating in the toilet. Felt SOOOO good.

Anonymous's picture

i got some poop stuck inside my butthole, like not at the tip of my butthole but way before then. all that comes out is gas. i'm too much of a pussy to stick my fingers up my butt, so that's not an option. tried drinking hot liquids, blowing my nose, etc. it's REALLY stuck. i can feel a monster in there.

i've never had this problem, i've always had really regular bowel movements. i got constipated/IBS from withdrawals from prescribed medication & didn't poop for a few days at least before i realized i was stopped up back there.

it feels like i'm constantly farting but i can't make any headway on my shit. so please, can a poop expert help me???

Anonymous's picture

GUYS, best shit that works is epsom salt! Seriously... 30 to 50 minutes and you gonna be shitting everything out.

Anonymous's picture

You need to drink more water, and then just relax and let it come out naturally.

Another technique is to push, then suck in a little bit; it should drop a little bit of poop at a time.

Anonymous's picture

Wow... This website has made me realise there is hope in this world after all. I took the liberty of eating a traditional dish of my grandmas (3 plates a day- yum!) until the next weekI had this rock solid piece of shit stuck in the space between my ass hole and my stomach. My parents said that this stuff shouldnt be eaten in large quatities (they told me afterwards -_-) but I havnt managed to shit it out for a week and a half. Mom just laughed at me when I told her. Going to the chemist tomorrow, gonna spend at least 15 quid on laxatives. Should be a blast.

Anonymous's picture

I LOL'D SO HARD!!!

Anonymous's picture

stay away from the bananas and this milk you speak of.bananas are binding and will make your situation worse..try eating double fiber oat meal for breakfest and maybe even put some raisons in the mix..drink plenty of water actually tons of water drink so much water that your pissing water..and never NEVER strain this could to lead to hemroids and anal fissures(rips in the ass that make u cry cause the burn burns ) other then that try using soft tissues..
And oh if you ever have the choise to choose between healthy SF and private insurance go with the insurance..its been a year and i still havent been appointed a doctor yet and they love to cancel doc appointments then reschedule them 3 weeks later forcing you to dwell in the pain of all pains.....goodluck with all

Anonymous's picture

Milk is the best . Drink warm milk be you go to sleep. You are going to shit like I'm shitting now.

Anonymous's picture

They had a show on mythbusters about sitting too long on a toilet , doc said no more then 1 hour or possible nerve damage ! Remeber Elvis died straining on a toilet , forever the king of the can ...

Anonymous's picture

Even though I'm laying in my bed,trying to relax before I try to poop again. You made me laugh until I cried. I almost thought I could finally do it(#2)!! Didn't happen yet but you put a smile on my face. I'm sick and never constipated so I feel like crap. Anyway, hope it gets better for you lol!!!

Anonymous's picture

Help. I'm sitting on the toilet and its really scarey. It just won't budge. Kids are in the house but my wife is away. Meaty passed out a minute ago!!! Holy pool Batman think I need dynamite!! You may be the last people to hear from me alive!! Tell my kids I live them. And tell my doctor the co-codamol did bung me up, she was right.

Anonymous's picture

Fastest and Best Solution: Glycerin Suppositories

Anonymous's picture

This website is hilarious. I do actually need a poo though and its stuck and I have an anal fissure

Anonymous's picture

Im glad i found this site, because ive been having a hellish 6 or so hours on and off the crapper.
Ive been taking codiene for a shoulder injury and should probably have paid more heed to the list of common side effects. Especially the one right at the top that says "constipation", because many pills and one large pizza later i feel like my stomach wants to force its way violently through my anus, but my body wont let it. Ive been doing a lot of smoking and coffee drinking and cursing god and i think the bulk of it is gone. And now i'm here sharing my story, because apparently sharing can lessen the sting in some way, and will make the memory of me leaping from a shower, dripping wet and sitting on the toilet cold, shivering, whimpering in pain and unsucessfully trying to shit a little less humiliating.

Anonymous's picture

Another good way to become "unstuck" if you are older is to arouse yoursepf an become horny, and right at the peak, just push as hard as you can and you should be fine. ;)

Anonymous's picture

Umm... Anon cow.... you do these things to your 13 yr old son? A BAR of soap?! This sounds like some sort of sick sadomasochism/fecal fascination and I believe you are scarring the child for life. It's not my business, and maybe you are trying to help in a misguided fashion but please, seek professional medical and psychological help. For both of you. :(

Anonymous's picture

Oh and, I'm sorry I should have thought of this in my first post, if you are going to try manual extraction via anal or vaginal, please for goodness sake trim your nails and wash your hands very thoroughly before and after! It is a good idea to lubricate your fingers with sexual lube before attempting this as well, or and/or use disposable latex gloves. Also, be gentle, or you could cause more problems than good. Also, please don't insert any objects into your body that are in any way sharp, irregularly shaped or unsanitary. Also, passing hard large feces can cause anal fissures (tears) which can be painful, itchy, and prone to infection. If this happens, a warm sitz bath, (where you sit in a few inches of lukewarm water) can help ease the pain of passing stool or if you have a urinary infection. Sitz baths can also help heal or soothe fissures along with a topical antibiotic ointment, which should only be used externally.

Anonymous's picture

Oh and btw, when my sis was young, she got so constipated it backed up and impacted, and made her very sick. Don't let it get to that point! See your GP if all else fails. :)

Anonymous's picture

I'm sorry but this just made me laugh and laugh.... I've had the same problem though. Usually prevention is the best cure, you need to make sure you are drinking enough fluids and getting enough fiber. If this fails, try coffee, or prune juice. If that doesn't work, I find a couple shots and a snort of coke does it everytime. Of course, not everyone is into that, so you could try smoking a cigarette or doing a dip of tobacco. If you are a woman, you can actually help gently push the impaction out by inserting your fingers into your vagina and massinging downwards. Sometimes rocking side to side helps. Goodluck my backed up buddies!

Anonymous's picture

Omg I love this website ! It keep me going and gave me hope !
So yesterday I felt like I had to take a crap so I went and sat there pushin and straining , huffing and puffin all that came out was 2 lil turds and then I FELT IT A MONSTER INSIDE OF ME IT WAS THE SIZE OF A TENNIS BALL !! I was trying to get it out straining and pushing so hard I got lightheaded and thought I was about to faint it was STUCK in my anus , I was sitting trying to get it out for 2 hours I was crying , screaming kicking , jumping, rocking left and gift back and forth all to no avail! I was praying asking to get that shit out of me but nothing was happening ! So my last resort was to try and manually take it out with my finger ! I got out couple of tiny pieces but the turd was still in my ass! I was about to. Call 911 tired , exhausted and my ass burning up I was so emberessed ! I was shaking and sweating I thought I will die on the crapper !!! Some how I managed to get that monster turd back up a lil cleaned myself and the bathroom up and walking like I have a 10 pound baby stuck in my ass it hurt like hell to get up and move or walk ! So I started to look for help online when I found this website and it's great , cheered me up and all and made me feel better that I'm not alone !!!
So nothing was happening and I knew that my ass was too tired to crap this turd monster out so I had a cup if coffe and a sig and went to sleep ! Of course I was suffering in my sleep to turning side to side from pain and discu fort of feeling that thing ! So somehow I managed to gt through the night and in the morning I got up and went to the pharmacy and bought enema and preparation H and neosporin and prune juice and also bananas milk ( EVERYTHING THAT COULD HELP ME CRAP THE MOSTER OUT ) I was barely walking from pain and uncomfortable feeling of having that thing stuck and I felt like I have to take a crap every time I bend down or sit !!! So I got home and before I could even open the box to take out and use enema I could take it anymore and ran to the crappere and in 5 Ming of intense straining and huffin &puffing the giant monster turd came out of me eww! I'm so relieved and happy but my ass hurts like crazy and it's do sore I can barely sit ! I deff know I ripped my ass cause it was bleeding too after turd came out !!! My abdominal hurts too and all the muscles!

I'm happy it's over and done with I think holding it in and walking helped for it to come out ! But I'm scared it's gonna happen again ! :(

Anonymous's picture

plumbs... lol it's plum you plumhead

Anonymous's picture

i found that rocking side to side helps a bit!

Anonymous's picture

I had a piece of poop stuck in my asshole and it started itching like hell!
Now even with fiber it is still sometimes to hard to shit it all out good!
But sometimes it helps to straighten ur back and if u have a big cock make sure u push it down because sometimes my cock hits the toilet seat hehe yes nasty, but it will get you out of your concentration, wich is highly important to make a proper shit.
And sticking fingers in your poop hole sounds gay haha

Anonymous's picture

This JUST happened to me. The only thing that worked after about 30 minutes of trying was the blowing your nose approach.
You try to blow your nose or either pinch it and blow while you are on the toilet.
IT WORKS! P.S. thank you for whoever posted this in the first place

Anonymous's picture

So this might sound a little odd, but it works for me everytime.

I went to a Dr in Los Anglese who told me toilets are not built to help us poop as they dont support the organs that help us push... or somthing like that...
So he sold this thing that you can put your feet on that makes you crouch somewhat and aids the flow.
So years later i had an idea to try something simmilier. Now when the little darling gets proper stuck i stand on the toilet seat and crouch down. Like a girl peeing in the wild. and somthing happens.. and out it pops.

Anonymous's picture

I have been in the bathroom for 3 hours and its still stuck. It hurts so bad I can't get up to do anything and ive got to be at work in a little while. What can I do ? This is so scary !

Anonymous's picture

alright so I went to bathroom yesterday and I had to shit but when I did it was stuck I couldn't and it started to hurt and I have no idea what to do please help me

Anonymous's picture

Couldn't call emergency, used my fingers to pull it out bit by bit until everything was out.....

Oh-pooh's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I know how frustrating and even scary it can be to be "stuck", but to be trying to manually correct the situation can lead to something even scarier if you don't know what you're doing, and possibly even if you do. One risk is you could perforate the lining of the lower intestine, which is something my elderly mother did - and it caused a horrific infection which nearly cost her her life. Going through the vagina has it's own set of risks, infection, scarring, possible puncture or perforation as well. It's just not the best thing to do on yourself - and if it goes wrong, it could cost you your life. If you're having to resort to such measures often, it's time to really get on your doc, until you get some answers, and some relief. No one should have to suffer like that. Not trying to poo poo anyone - just saying, please, be careful.

Have fun stormin the Castle!

Anonymous's picture

Jus breathe slowly in and out threw your mouth . It will allow your butthole to relax and open.

Anonymous's picture

ok so I've been having trouble since 830 this morning.... I tried the coffee idea but that just made it worse.... it made me have 2 push but its so hard inside that it was extremely painful!!! I don't know what 2 do... this is embarrassing.

Anonymous's picture

Nicotine? He's 13!

Anonymous's picture

ok, so i am 13 years old and i was sittin wachin tv when i noticed i had to go poo, so i went to the washroom and sat down and PUSHED!!! nothing came so i pushed and pushed for an hour nothing happened, so i went down stairs told my parents and took some liquid stuff (cant remember the name) ewwwww it was gross!!! im just waitin for somthin to happen the liquid stuff said it would take around 12-72 hrs. to work I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG, pls give me suggestions to help the pain!

Anonymous Coward's picture

Eat foods that start with a letter "P".
peas, pears, prunes, plumbs, pineapple, peanuts etc.
STAY AWAY FROM BANANAS AT ALL COSTS!!!
not all fruits and vegetables are created equally - and why on earth is everyone recommending apples? that's one of the ingredients on the B.R.A.T diet (Bananas, Rice, Apples, Toast) for getting you to stop pooping/puking.

Anonymous Coward's picture

well im 15 years old an i am pretty healthy butt lately sometimes wen i have to take a crap it comes out but a small little piece of crap keeps getting stuck in my crack which forces me to this long process of cleaning it and then taking a shower
i have been starting to drink a bottle of water a day and i try no stay active and work out
is this because i may have a lock of fiber or too much fiber?
at my high school i usually buy a piece of pizza and french fires ever day for about the last 3 months, is this the problem?
someone please help me because this problem is getting annoying

Shat to death's picture

It may have taken over over an hour but I finally feel empty.
Just tensing and rocking did the job. Next time I'll drink more coffee though. Gonna have some now :). Ahhh the releif of it all. Good luck shitters! ;)

Butt of the Joke's picture
l 100+ points

Word of advice blackpoobaby.Don not,I repeat,DO NOT ever go to San Fransisco.
_______
More people flush than they do wash their hands.

More people flush than they do wash their hands.

blackpoobaby's picture

so today I sat around the house and didnt do much like usuall rode my dirtbike almost got caught by the cops but what really ruined my day was when I sat on the toilet all happy because i usually dont shit for 3-4 days. I was on the toilet once and pushed so hard but i jus got a little tutrle head. i kept goin back and fourth about 3-4 times trying to shit with gloves on i stuck me finger in me ass and was working it back and fourth. btw dont push the shit towards your back push it towrads ur vagina or penis it really hurts when u push it back. i was trying to get this poop out for 2 hours. changeing bathrooms back and fourth. luckily after picking and poking and useing preperation H to lube it up pretty much a qaurter of the tube..... I push! I push! and wham Hits the water in one big shot. this turd was like a foot and 2 and a half inches think. i am a small guy and this for me is a big turd. cause im not gay or nothing ive never took it in the butt. therefore i have a small asshole....idk how they can do it....but anyways now i am afraid to shit again for awhile because of my anus hurting and what might come next.................

why you might have a stuffed anus:
heroin: i did this drug for awhile and i mean you cant shit for nothing i didnt shit for 1 week.

too much bread while bread is good and fibery toomuch can stuff it up.

eating dirt and grass. like bears to for hibernation.

p.s. one time i took a shrooms chocolate bar and had a three foot long shit with no problems tht was a releif...

Raggedmama's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Well, Ethan, that's what I've been saying - every member of my family has had to learn the soap-stick trick.

Butt of the Joke's picture
l 100+ points

Is that an Emeril Lagasse idea?

(Sorry Emeril,you are still the best chef in the world.)
_______
More people flush than they do wash their hands.

More people flush than they do wash their hands.

Ethan's picture

stick a bit of soap up the hole of your ass and suck it in, wait a few minutes and the soap smoothes and makes it slippery for the shit and then give it one last push and BAM, its out

Anonymous Coward's picture

My ass hole is so fucking sore. ASDFGHJKL;
Yesterday and today I have felt the overwhelming need to poop. So last night I go into the bathroom, fully prepared to do my business, and then....nothing. I pushed so damn hard for about ten minutes, and NOTHING. The turd was right there about to come out of my ass, but it was FAR too big. So I just sucked it up somehow and went to bed. This morning, HOLY SHIT I needed to get this thing out of me. I try again, nothing happens. I cry, scream, moan, the whole enchilada. Then a few hours ago, I was on the verge of calling 911. Instead I went back to the bathroom, bent over, and stuck my left pointer finger up my ass. I tried smashing the poo so it would break apart or something, and then I sat on the toilet and pushed, I felt the turd coming out and I kinda broke off and pulled on the little bit I could, and then I pushed the slightly smaller turd out, screaming with agony the whole time. My asshole ripped open like I was giving birth, no fucking bueno. Now I have several hemorrhoids and my ass is sore as fuck. AGH AND I STILL HAVE SOME MORE SHIT INSIDE ME FUCK

Monkey Butt's picture

Monkey Butt woman is at it again. How about this one? I FINALLY had to poo after 4 days...and my car battery is dead. Had someone coming over to install it, so I had to stop pooing. Then had to start the process all over again. Shot of warm water up the butt (it does lubricate; whoever posted that comment originally: THANK YOU!!!) and here we go again. What a waste of time! I truly DO think I'm gonna die on the toilet. Really. And this seems cyclic w/menstrual periods (other women might want to track that too). Thanks for the stories guys!

Anonymous Piece of Shit's picture

I have the same exact problem as sad girl
Only that I don't go every day. It's usually
Every second day but when "IT" happens I wait
For a cuplle of minutes but not because I can't
Get it out, but because I am scared......and when
"IT" does happen tears come out, it is just to horrible
And when I clog the toilet my brother makes fun of me...
It wasn't allway like that but my parents have no idea....

And just to say an anecdote that might help you....
Once I was stuck for a weak drank some of that pooping
Stuf and nothing, so I turned on the tv tp wait
And a commedy show was on....out of noware the guy
Started bombarding me whith a bunch of jokes....I couldn't
Stop laughting...and like that guy sayd before.....
It just came out like 100 year old tothpaste that just got steaped on!!!

stubborn shiieett's picture

squeeze ur ass cheeks in and out. and rock! if it fails pray to GOD that he may release the demon

Sad girl's picture

How do I stop poop getting stuck, I am so healthy and drink lots of water and I do slot of sport. I am young and I am to scared to tell my parents about this problem, it normally comes out after alot of pushing, but this time nothing is working and I am so scared! I don't know what to do, I have had this problem all year and I have had enough!!!!!

Anonymous Damsel's picture

oh dear, sat on d crapper for an hour and was exhausted all cos i wanted to crap. had to look up emergency means online, behold i came across this website. thanks a bunch as banana n warm milk did a good job.

Monkey Butt's picture

OK...so...I finally gave up, went outside to start warming up the car (I'm up north and it's freezing). But thought...hey, I've got 20 minutes to kill. So I tried the gloved finger thing (no lube in my house + SORE butt= OWOWOWOW) to no avail. I happen to have a 3ml syringe @home so I put warm water in that, SOMEHOW got it up my oh-so-tight and sore rectum, shot the water, held it in for like 30 seconds, sat down, water came out, and so did Mr. Poo :) YAY. I'm still going...slowly...but going...butthole burning like 911 sauce...but still I said yay. I'm still worried that tomorrow will be diarrhea cuz of the colace, but I'll deal w/it.

On another note, I'm stuck on the Elvis and my car's outside wasting gas. :(

Monkey Butt's picture

Ya, I'm constipated--again. This one looks like a baseball-sized one. Monkey butt (as I've termed it when your anus becomes prolapsed/extended or whatever, big red, and you could sit on your "bump" that is basically a third butt cheek) is not fun, and I HAVE to poo! The poo is like pushing on my butthole! It's SO big. Why do I have baseball-sized poos? There's no breaking this one up, and if it comes out in one piece, the ER staff will think that someone shoved a bar of soap or a cucumber up my butt and I'll need surgery to get it out. Too embarassing. But glad to know I'm not alone. Off to Walgreens to buy an enema as 6 hrs later...200mg of Colace aint working. And, I'd like to get SOME sleep!

Thanks for the laughs.

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