Ahhhh.....The eternal debate, what music to listen to while pinching a loaf. I can see two distinctly different approaches to this issue. First.....What is your short time goal?
Do you wish to drop your load and leave as soon as possible, or would you prefer to linger and spend quality time with the potty?

If you are in a hurry the music should be fast and rhythmic. You could contract your anus in time to something like a rap or a polka and be done in short order. If you prefer a slow smooth exit perhaps a waltz
is the thing for you. I have never tried to
shit in waltz time but suppose I could................... Grunt-2-3,,Grunt-2-3, Grunt 2-3.

Extremely low sounds can have a loosening effect on the sphincter. For those who suffer from constipation a very low tone could be blasted from the speakers for a few minutes. I would thing that "Toccata and fugue in D minor" by Bach would loosen the tightest asshole if played at a loud enough volume. Of course this could be bad news for urinaters and hand washers......oh well, we must expect some collateral damage.

The music could be alternated on a quarter hour basis and the schedule could be posted on the door. You would need
to train your starfish to perform within a one hour window of opportunity.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

HAHA! The brown noise!!
Pooping polka! Poopa poopa Poopa Oh Roll out the potty... I've got an ass full of poo.......

Now that I think about it, I think I would prefer the beginning of Led Zeppelin's Dazed and Confused.

I think the finale to 1812 Overture would be good. The cymbal crashes would provide for a most-exhilarating pooping experienced. [Imagine the scene from V for Vendetta in which he conducts his "symphony"]

The banalized offerings of Muzak have no place in the bathroom. I don't want to hear watered down sanitized soft rock while I'm wrestling with a grogan.

ChiefThunderbutt (185) -- 06.26.2008
Extremely low sounds can have a loosening effect on the sphincter. For those who suffer from constipation a very low tone could be blasted from the speakers for a few minutes.

How about I play 'Orpheus in the Underworld' on a pipe organ for ya?

I prefer to play my own Ass Trumpet for everyones musical pleasure !

How about a track from Mr.Methane?

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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Alas...I did a little more research and found that the "Brown Noise" is probably
just an urban myth.
I had heard that people who were under a bomb attack sometimes shit themselves because of the low frequency sounds of the bombs...looks like they were just having the shit scared out of them.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

The sounds from down below is all I want to hear while I'm on the can.

Mythbusters "busted" the brown noise theory a couple years ago. I think there's a thread around here someplace regarding the issue...but I am too fucking lazy to look for it.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

I would prefer big band music with the strong booma booma drums and fun trumpets.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I have not tried this... And I don't want to! Listen to Yoko Ono. Either it would be a spontaneous constipation ender, or it would scare it so far up the colon, that it would never come out.

The Girl from Ipanema supplies relaxing ambience. Also, how about some coconut air freshener?

Gregorian chants make me hot.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

I think it makes those monks hot, too, Bilgey.

Here's a couple obscure songs to pinch a loaf by:

Big Log - Robert Plant
Do You Really Want To Hurt Me - Culture Club

Haha I have thought about this a lot before... I can only hear quiet, low music while making cake... or no music at all. As long as the fan or shower are on while I'm in the restroom I'm fine.

I love Postman's suggestions. Here are a few more:
Burn- JoDee Messina
Brown Eyed Girl- Van Morrison
Mr. Brown- Bob Marley
Ring Of Fire- Johnny Cash

And for the severely constipated:
30 Days In The Hole- Humble Pie

For the patrotic:
The Stars and Stripes Forever by J.P. Sousa.
The only problem is that it's traditional to stand during the final verse.

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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

RoboCrap13........The Stars and Stripes Forever is an outstanding choice. I am a standing wiper so I shall just have to be ready by the final verse. I wonder if their is some patriotic maiden who would like to play the piccolo part?

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Chief, when you salute, just make sure you drop the used TP first

Chief, that's not a piccolo, no matter how many holes there are in it.
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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

RoboCrap13...Some of the music that I have enjoyed the most has been played on the one note piccolo.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

There is a fantastic MP3 that I downloaded years ago entitled 'Beethoven's Last Movement,' a piece of classical music set to a symphony of farts, grunts, and splatters. Quite funny, and, I believe, the perfect soundtrack for any shituation.

Message me if you'd like a copy.

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"...I once ate a roadkill possum that had been raised on a diet of carp. I cooked it over a fire fueled with old tires and dog shit. [My fart] put to shame the sewers of Calcutta."
- ChiefThunderbutt