The Joy (And Importance) Of Pooping

PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

I've been absent from PoopReport for over a month now. It hasn't been a purposeful absence. But it has been an absence of unfortunate dramatic proportion due to a nasty little viral pneumonia bug that's floated around the vicinity of Ft. Lewis like a desperate single-scene malcontent at closing time

75 Comments on "The Joy (And Importance) Of Pooping"

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Poopster39: "This reeks of homosexual pedophelia. If I'm wrong, I apologize. But I don't think I am. " If Bare Cheek Jon were trolling for little boys, won't he at least provide an email or pretend that he was a priest?
Also, the fact that writes (very well) about all-boy things may also be explained by the fact that he attends an all-boys private school in the UK. But even if your suspicions are correct (and we can never know for sure about anyone), why do anything but encourage this guy from participating given that his contributions are thoughtful and thus add to the discussion?


Poopster39's picture
l 100+ points

I can't speak for myself, since I've never had a problem going poo. I'm regular like clockwork -- though sometimes a bit messy. My wife, on the other hand, has a constant battle with it. On top of this, she happens to be a serious hypochondriac, and is always trying new vitamins and holistic treatments. She's like a human petri dish, and invariably this affects her poop cycle. Lately she's been on a variety of sleep aids and anti-depressants -- along with all these herbs and vitamins I never heard of. As of this morning she hasn't had a poop in five days. She's been trying laxitives and mineral oil to loosen things up, but it's only making her farts worse. I've been joking with her that she's giving me all the makings for a new story for poopreport, but I'm actually getting a little worried. In answer to the question: "Is it mentally and emotionally imperative to have a decent sh-t on a regular basis?" It is for me. She hasn't given me nookie in days, and her period starts tomorrow. Oyy, the things we men must endure.

Active Poocano's picture

I would rank pooping right up there with sleeping and eating in terms of importance to my daily well-being.

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Shitting (and pissing) are, to me, the purest form of pleasure. If I couldn't engage in these behaviors, and through the normal channels (via rectum and urethra) and without pain, the quality of my life would drop by a huge factor. It would be worse than having a massive itch and not being able to scratch it. I could imagine living a happy life without sex, without control of the remote, without money in the bank, without beer, wine, and coffee in the morning. But living without normal shitting and pissing, I can't imagine. Best of luck, Daphne.


Tronald Dump's picture

My answer is YES, which if not completely universal I'd wager is pretty darn close. Ever since the industrial revolution, when the efficiency of machines created more leisure time for a sizeable chunk of the population, the vacuum left in the minds of men have been filled with shitting. Sylvester Graham, Horace Greeley and John Harvey Kellogg (remember The Road to Wellville?) may have preached "temperance", but it was really all about taking a god shit, and the cult of good craps continues in one form or another all around us today. It is apparent in the form of Metimucil junkies, Prune Juice Purgers, "Enzyme" Eaters, and good old Enima Addicts.

Poopster39's picture
l 100+ points

Logjam: I'm not sure I've ever had quite the religious experience you've have while taking a dump. But I must admit there are those rare occasions when I pinch off the perfect loaf and get all tingly inside. Same with the perfect beer piss.

Ashly's picture

I just love sh*t thats all I have to say!

Pill Pooper's picture
PoopReport of the Year Awardk 500+ points

There are only a few things in life that give as much as satisfaction as a well placed dook. I broke my pelvis a few years back. ANY dook I took was a nightware and I used to dread even hobling past the toilet. I went as far as completely changing my diet in order to guarantee easy dumps. Savor the moments of peaceful poops my friends. When they are few and far between, you realize how much you miss them.

-Pill Pooper

shitass's picture

I once went on a crash diet of 2 protien shakes plus one potato per day. The diet worked, and i was hungry all the time, but the worst part of all was that my daily BM was a solitary nugget the size of a walnut. More satisfying than eating real food again was the return to dropping copius loggage. I truly love shitting, and sometimes feel dissappointed when big dumps come out too easily and quickly, and i haven't even finished a paragraph of my current grunt book.

For some reason this post is really embarrassing.

Di Uhreea's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points

Daph, I hope you're all getting better now. Sorry I haven't phoned or PM'd ya. Been busy here, too. But not with the sickness!

I can't think of any times in recent memory that I've been hard up for a decent poop due to illness or anything like that.

A few months ago, I read Crapola's story of her husband and the Meta-Therapy. I decided to experiment with it. I had no idea that the fiber in Metamucil is soluble and not the kind of fiber I pictured scraping unwanted build-up of toxins & shit from the sides and crevices of my colon. It softens your poops with tiny bacteria that are feeding on the soluble fiber. I did this for a few days and was happy with the "Smoothie" shits that I was taking.
I forgot to take it the next few days after that and realized that I hadn't crapped in those few days. This made me think that in just a few days, my colon had become dependant on this stuff. I quit taking it altogether and started eating big bowls of Raisin Bran. I'm happy that I'm back to having normal craps again, and I'm eating the kind of fiber that I hope is cleaning my colon the way I originally wanted, but now I have a big bottle of orange-flavored Metamucil that I'm never gonna use.
Those few days where I didn't crap were, I guess, the closest I've come to not crapping and consequently not being in the state of mental well-being that I'm used to.

El Poopadore's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I got wicked bad shigellosis from Outback Steakhouse last year and I had liqui-shitted out everything in my system only leaving me to cramp up and be doubled over in pain from my butt dry-heaving. Not fun. At all. I would sit on the can and pray for a lil' bunny turd to ease my woe.

the shitter's picture

I'm only happy when I have nasty diarrea.

Marcos's picture

I had H. Pylori infection in my intestines (F U 7-11 hotdogs)

That was a living nightmare

Marcos's picture

Poopster39: TMI TMI TMI!!!!

Poopster39's picture
l 100+ points

Three mile island? Technical military instruction? Take medication immediately?

TD's picture

Tickle My Intestines

Poopster39's picture
l 100+ points

Top management issue? Total market index? Trainable mentally impaired? (I found an acronym website. This could go on all day.)

Glutgut's picture

Eat some red meat Damn it! That's the problem, you are depriving your body what it instinctively needs. Jeesh, no wonder vegetarians are always sick.

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Perhaps it's fitting that this thread as devolved into a steam of shit.


Poopster39's picture
l 100+ points

Marcos: I'm just pulling your leg. I know you meant "Too Much Information." It's just that - after having written stories about pulling grogans from my pregnant wife's butt and smearing poop on my little sister's face -- I didn't think such a thing was possible.

El Poopadore's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Shigellosis isn't an animal you fucking idiot, it's a bacterial infection from eating spoiled or contaminated poultry. To be specific it's a bacteria called shigella.

Jim J. Buttock's picture

peppermint schnapps will give you red hot ass piss the next morning.

Marcos's picture

Poopster you just PWNED me haha

Glutgut's picture

Thanks there Jim Fowler. Why don't you shove a carrot up your nose and leave us normal folk alone?

The Turdman's picture

I quit using toilets. Buckets work much better and it saves on water.

Poopster39's picture
l 100+ points

Marcos, this time you got me. I haven't got a clue.

Bunghole Delight's picture

I clean my toilet once every three or four weeks. Is this waiting too long or is it about right?

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Look at us. Of course poop is important to this crowd. How would you be doing if you couldn't eat? Bad. Food is just embrionic shit.

Poop, I believe is even more important for mens' health. Men have less complex cycles: Eat, Sleep, Poop, Mow the lawn. Since women have more factors, each individual one has less relative priority.

Lady Ballbuster's picture

Anti-depressants can really constipate you, so I'd suggest that your wife beef up the fiber and drink enough water while she's on them.

I agree, meat really does help you shit. Red meat is the best for this purpose. Just make sure you eat lean cuts in moderation, so you don't end up with clogged arteries....

This line in the story is a classic: "a nasty little viral pneumonia bug that's floated around the vicinity of Ft. Lewis like a desperate single-scene malcontent at closing time – persistent, undeterrable, and with no intention of leaving alone."

I burst out laughing at that one....

Poopster39's picture
l 100+ points

Logjam: As I said, if I'm wrong and Bare Cheek Jon is who he says, then I apologize. But if he's not - well, there's just no way I'm comfortable over the idea of a grown man pretending to be a teenage boy, describing himself in intimate ways as BCJ does.

The Crapper's picture

The crapper is here! All hail the Crapper!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Meat helps me shit... loads of diarrhea! I don't eat that much meat because every time I do it comes out the other side VERY quickly.

Daphne, I'm glad you're getting better. FINALLY! You've got come back, girl!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Miss you too, Shitty.
been a long time, with a lot to deal with. Lots of antibiotics. And, sadly, a lack of toilet paper.

I see that we have a new peanut gallery.

Looks promising.

di, call me you canadian slut..............................

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

Bare Cheek Jon's picture

I am sorry about your illness, Daphne, but as a 14 year old boy I enjoy immensely the time after breakfast before going to school when I am sitting bare-cheeked.

You ask 'Is it mentally and emotionally imperative to have a decent shit on a regular basis? For me it is.

After a healthy breakfast and 2 cups of tea I clean my teeth first, and things build up in my nether regions.

Everything slides out easily after a slight squeeze. It is good for my mental health as well. Clearing out my bowels clears out my mind also, ready to start a new day.

I hope I never lose this routine. It gives me a good sense of well-being.

Coprologist's picture

Poor old Daphne. Hope things are now better. To me the 15 minutes or so that I spend twice a day on the pot are the most enjoyable events of the day. Time spent shitting is to me quality time. The lovely empty feeling after a good dump is one of the best signs of wellbeing. If you're OK in the guts, you can't be seriously unwell.

Will Bonney's picture

Speaking of poop, I think I lost a significant amount of weight after poopuing this morning.

Just thought I'd share that.

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Pooster39. Do a search on Bare Cheek Jon. You'll see he's been a thoughtful contributer for some time, and plenty mature enough for the likes of us.


Poopster39's picture
l 100+ points

Hey, J the P. You know, clinical studies have proven "crack" to be quite dangerous, especially on an already unstable mind. You need to seek professional care. There are quite a number of excellent recovery centers available. I understand Medicaid even covers most of the cost. Now get yourself out of bed, run up those basement steps and ask your mom if you can borrow the phone. Just dial 1-800-ON-CRACK.

Poopster39's picture
l 100+ points

Logjam: I'm sorry, I just don't buy it. I looked up "Bare Cheek Jon's" previous posts and I find them disturbing on a number of levels. First off, he always makes it a point to mention his age (13, then later 14). I find this odd, to say the least. His writing is nearly flawless and - as you said - on a "mature" level for someone who claims to be so young. Plus, his settings always involve other boys (an all-boy school, boysroom showers, boys choir, etc.) This reeks of homosexual pedophelia. If I'm wrong, I apologize. But I don't think I am.

Turtle Head's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Can our fearless leader edit the weinies out without getting all elitist and shit? Some people don't really add much at all, and actually stink up the stall here at Poopreport.
As for the topic....
A good healthy poop, on schedule and well done, leaves most of us feeling pretty good, even if we don't realize it. On the other hand, bad bowels can ruin a day, as we all know. As far as mental health, it's one of those which came first, the chicken or the egg questions I think.

PooplessPal's picture

I am all for regular bowel movements being good for your mental health as well. I go weeks without having a bowel movement...but that seems to be how I am. I have horrible days after my long "cycles" that I feel horrible, have cramps, and just go back and forth from a toilet to a far from comfortable position on my bed (massaging the heck out of my abdomen)....

Yes, you feel like crap and wonder about it quite often when you don't have normal sh*ts.

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

i would also have to say yes. although, i can't recall a time that i've gone for extended periods of time without pooping, i can imagine that it would bother me. but i do experience unpleasant poops, and those can ruin your day. like, if you have runny poop and have to wipe a lot to get it all off leaving your poo hole all raw for the rest of the day, that sucks. if the butt feels good, i feel good. that's my motto.

i love poop.

In The Bushes's picture
l 100+ points

Hope you feel better soon!

And yes, i have been through many bouts of not-pooping, and after a few days I feel quite miserably unhappy.

General Colon Pow!'s picture

Them damn vaccines the military dole out spread all kinds of sicknesses. Maybe they should vaccinate "the enemy"- it would be alot more effective.

I don't know that a good crap is imperative....but it sure is nice! Nothing like the quiet solitude of the porcelain easychair, and the pleasure of passing a "just right" loaf- and the feeling of wellness that ensues.

poopaloopas's picture

I can think of some things that are greater than a nice, smooth, long poo that gives me enough time to finish the article I'm reading, but they are very few. I appreciate them even more now that I am on a diet. Sometimes when I crave sweets, I go for the sugar-free candy. Now, if you've never had these, let me explain: The whole time you are eating, you're thinking "Why doesn't everyone eat this? it's healthy and tastes very similar to regular candy!" and then an hour later you get the rumbles. Then the sharts. Then a mad dash to the toilet where... NOTHING COMES OUT. It seems like the only place you can poo is in your pants when you least expect it.
the worst part is, my stomach tells me that no amount of bowel problems takes precedence over tasty sugarfree reese's.

Searching's picture

Maybe off topic...I found this site while searching the net for an article. When I was attending college my freshman year, I received a forwarded e-mail containing an article entitled "Just Drop It" which encouraged those shy about public pooping to "just drop it." Now, six years later, I have a friend (freshman year in the dorm) who would be greatly benefitted by reading this article! Does anyone know where/how I could find it online? Your help will be immeasurably appreciated :o)

Kev the Grad's picture

I am now Dr Kevin I have gained my university PhD, but I have just been reminded that I am still the same as everybody else. (I wrote earlier about shamelessness.)

As I sat there splashing away, it was music to my ears.

I rarely have a cooked breakfast, so sausages are not part of my diet, but my toilet has them for his breakfast every morning. He waits in excitement every morning building up a hunger. He gets more excited when he hears the door open and shut and locked. The seat above him is put down. He hears the undoing of belt, buckle, clips and trouser zip. He knows his meal is about to arrive when he sees above him his master's bare posterior, with the slit which will open and give him his breakfast. He has the anticipation of chicks in the nest being fed by their parents. As the bum is lowered, gradually it becomes complete darkness, but the toilet knows that breakfast is about to be produced. Like his master a few minutes earlier, he is also provided with a drink with his food. (He had a drink when his master got out of bed earlier.)

For me, the joy and importance of pooping. For the bog, the joy and importance of being fed.

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points

I pictured your toilet with eyes and teeth. Scary...

Ben's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Pooping is not only important to our physical health but also to our mental health. I am ALWAYS in a bad or irritable mood when I am unable to go.

Size also matters. THe bigger or voluminous, the bigger. One feels so much lighter and cleaner inside.

PINWORM's picture
l 100+ points

I once had a bad case of the pukes. Unlike most stomach bugs, this one didn't include diarrhea in it's symptoms. As a matter of fact, as soon as the vomitting started, the pooping stopped altogether. And when the vomitting stopped a day or so later, the shitting still hadn't returned. As a matter of fact, I didn't shit or have the urge to shit for 5 more days. I was concerned that I wasn't suffering from a bug, but an intestinal blockage of some kind.

Man, I missed shitting during that time. It detoxes you. When you don't go for awhile, you can sense the poison building up in you.

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