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 The Tiled LibraryPosted 11.15.2002 by Chip Brown (201)
Editor's Note: This discussion first appeared on The Poop Forums.
Chip Brown says:I think it was Clustersnarf who used the term "tiled library". Anyway, it got me thinking about reading materials in the shitter. At my house, we installed a magazine rack next to the shitter. I usually read National Geographic. The pictures are great plus the stories are broken down into nice shit-length segments so I can pick up the story at anytime. What do others do about reading in the shitter? Any preferences?
boregard says:In my house we just have a pile of newspapers and magazines laying on the floor next to the toilet. Every week or two when someone decides to clean the bathroom or the newspapers get too many piss stains on them from drunks missing the toilet bowl, we throw them out.
Di Uhreea says:Every few months or so, I but one of those "easy" crossword books with about 75 crosswords in them. They are so freakin' easy and it takes the length of taking one morning poop to complete. It makes me feel "smart" because I can always solve them without cheating. When I am finished, the pen goes in the book to mark the next puzzle. The book is placed in it's sacred spot on the counter beside the toilet and I proceed to wipe.Another sacred item in this process is the pen. Everyone in this household knows not to touch that pen. There can be NO other pen available in the house and still, they know not to touch. My sister-in-law paid the price in a horrible lecture from me for doing it. I was pissed because my morning crap was ruined as I started to poop and simultaneously grabbed the book only to find the pen was missing. My b/f says he won't use it because it might have poop particles on it.
Dakota says:My favorite reading on the crapper, on the rare occasions I shit at home, is Playboy (I've got a pile going back several years) and Sports mags. When I take a dump at work I usually read the sports pages of the newspaper unless a dude next to me wants to have a conversation.
Brown Streak says:I agree with Di Uhreea's boyfriend -- I wouldn't touch that pen either! Where I used to work, someone put magazine racks in the Men's crappers just off the lunchroom. After seeing that, I wouldn't touch another magazine lying around the lunchroom, because I had a pretty good idea where it had been.At home, I sometimes grab a section of the newspaper or a magazine. If I don't have anything like that, then I'll sometimes read the back of the container of whatever is nearby.
Di Uhreea says:Haha, Brown, I do that too at other people's houses - read the directions and ingredients of any container that is within reach.Lather, Rinse, Repeat!!
noshitsherlock says:I am so glad I'm not the only one who will grab a container and read the ingredients if there is no other reading material on hand. At home, I'll bring in a book I'm reading, a textbook I'm reading for class, or one of the DIY magazines that my dad leaves sitting on top of the tank. I'm not too concerned about there being poop particles on the reading materials left in the washroom because the magazines are read BEFORE wiping and there is no way you can get crap on the magazine in your hand when your hands have been nowhere near your ass (I know that the magazines are put on the back of the toilet before wiping because first we hear the magazine hit the tank, then we hear the sound of the tp roll).At school, I don't read while on the crapper. Even when I am the only person home on the weekends and there is no shamefulness at play, there is no way I'm going to sit and take a good long shit. Whoever designed this house did not make either of the toilet rooms (I call them toilet rooms and not washrooms because one of them is like a large closet with a toilet and nothing else) particularly friendly -- there are no heating vents in there. It gets a little on the cold side if the door is left closed too long (actually, it's a little cold if the door is kept open -- the temp has to be kept down because the bedrooms get really hot before the halls and common areas warm up). I've basically gotten into the get in and get out ASAP shit. And for some reason, now I can't even enjoy a long one at home.
LeeAnn says:I have a closet right by my bathroom door that is filled with books. When the urge hits, I sprint to the closet, rip open the door, grab the first book that looks interesting and head for the bathroom. I relax and read, and when I'm done, I leave the book in the bathroom. It keeps it's place there until I finish it, and then the process starts again. The current holder of the honored spot on the shelf above the toilet is The Two Towers.
pooperoni says:Maybe my family is just weird, but we have the best stuff to read for when you are on the crapper!Lets see... The Fart Book, which describes in detail ways different farts sound and smell... then the best book we have is Fascinating Facts About The John, dedicated to toilet-related topics like who invented the toilet and what people used to wipe their ass with before toilet paper.
clustersnarf says:Unfortunately for me, my poop habits have me in and out in a flash, no real time for reading. I do keep a couple books in my Tiled Library®. Currently there is a LAN Administration Using SNMP book in there, A strategy guide for StarCraft, and my GameBoy Advance.
Brown Streak says:Di and NSS, glad to know I'm not the only one who reaches for the nearest container when bored and on the can.Sometimes on the crapper at work, I will surf the wireless web on my cell phone. I hold it far enough away from the bowl not to worry about it falling in or picking up shit particles.
Dave says:There's nothing like the City Section of the NY Times for a nice leisurely Sunday morning poop.Has anyone else suffered extreme pain dashing around the house looking for something decent to read while attempting to hold your butt cheeks together with your hand?
PJbrownstuffWe have nothing to read in our bathroom at work. Usually, I print out a few news stories, an Onion story, or something from howstuffworks.com. That way, I don't have to worry about getting any shit particles on it or dribbling piss on it after I wipe up. When I'm done, I can just chunk it. I guess most people in my office get freaked out when they see 'zines in the general area of the crapper.
Demure PooperDave, I do that, but find that if I'm in that much pain, it's kind of pointless to bring any reading material in, cuz it takes all of three minutes to dump.And now I have Nature's Platform, and haven't quite mastered squatting to the point where I feel comfy reading up there.
G Ras says:I have a small kinda book shelf kinda thing that holds our magazines and paperbacks. On the top shelve I have numerous little time consumers, like the Game Boy, tiny little cracker-jack puzzles the wife finds like the one that looks like the number part of the keyboard... it's like a 2D version of a Rubik's Cube. I practice my bass while turd wrestling and have brought in a sandwich from time to time.I am not the toilet reader in our household because I bounce my legs up and down like an abused, hyper-active child and that makes it difficult to concentrate. I do dumb things like line the edge of my toe up with a grout line on the floor or weigh one leg then the other on the scale... Some days are dedicated to just poop and I can't touch anything unless I take off the rubber gloves. Post new comment
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