1) I like to pee a distance from the toilet/urinal and write my name on the ground. Also, in the shower, I see how high on the wall I can pee (then rinse it away). 2) None, unless you enjoy shooting LiquiShit out your ass cannon on a regular basis.

I look forward to some others' responses...

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I don't do this anymore because I'm all grown up, but when my brother and I were little, we took baths together. And, yes, if we had to pee when we were in there, we announced it with a little jingle: "Little Lightower ha-as to-oo say some-thing!" Then, we'd raise our dicklets above the water level and do arc-peeing.

Today, when I'm outside landscaping my new grounds, I'll pee on the dry ground and try to make an interesting wet pattern.

I also try to see how few wipes it takes me to clean up, although that practice has been altered somewhat by the addition of a bidet in my bathroom.

I have never been in a pissing contest with another guy, but in my very first story for the site (In Defense Of Open Stalls), I talked about a 'see how fast we can shit' contest I witnessed between two friends of mine.

I do think that once you acquire a playful attitude in general towards body functions, you can come up with all sorts of harmless behavior to amuse yourself.

At school we always had pissing contests to see how high up the wall you could get in the toilets.

But now, much older, I still love to piss shapes out in the snow. I`ll even climb on top of a wall, or go part way up a tree to get a better range.

A couple of times after a neighbours dog has shat on our garden I`ve done a little surreptitious night time turd terrorism in their gardens for revenge. But that`s really only a winter sport as the summers are too light for that kind of thing. Don`t want to get caught mid squat in the neighbours perfect lawn.

I like to see if I can blast shitstains from the bowl with my pee before I have to get the brush and the Comet. Mrs. HFD and I also have been known to have farting contests.

The closest I've come to having fun with my poo is stirring the bowl with a rather long turd that is still hanging on.
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Yes, those are my brown spots. Yes, those are your walls.

I don't do any recreational peeing or pooping. Although if you want a good example of one, watch Big Daddy.

DF: Peeing in the shower is foul. After a while your bathroom is going to smell like a bus station urinal. Why? Because everytime you piss on the wall, the grout between the tiles absorbs and retains a little urine. Why turn your shower into a toilet? I only hope you are the only one who uses it. It can't be pleasant to follow you.

Only thing I used to do was time myself to see how long I urinated. My record is 1 minute 37 seconds set when I was 16 or so. I've never been able to top it. My pees usually are 20-30 seconds.

Sometimes I write songs about it. That way I can write the toilet paper off on my taxes.

i used to time my pees too. i don't know how long the longest one was because this was in college and in celebration i dropped my watch in the toilet and flushed it before i realized there was an issue. yes, i was very drunk. also a game i used to play was to see how far away i could get and still make the bowl, this was mainly when i was little, but i still did it from time to time at school, i once peed into the bowl from the shower. as far as playful pooping as close as i guess i come is "hey guys! check this out!"

Top man, Hog Whitman.

Around ages 5 and 3 my younger brother and I would have pee stream fights, using one's own blast to interrupt the other's stream. Needless to say many shots did not hit the toilet, but did not hit us as well.

Gaseous G: I don't let it stay there and fester. I have one of those hand showers that you can aim at anything so as to rinse it off. It simply runs off cleanly right aling with the water. And yes, I'm the only one who uses it. It usually smells like the cleaners I use.

I've been too shameful of my parts to have a peeing contest, but it would be fun to have one from, say, the 7th floor of the building I used to live in...

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

This is the only time in my life I've wondered what it would be like to have a "pee shooter". It must be fun to be able to do that.

I can't think of a single game or thing like it I do on the pot. I just go.
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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Every guy knows about peeing in the snow. But there are other 'media,' as well. Try sand sometimes. Or red clay. Even a dusty trail can provide some artistic opportunities.

Hap-Pee Trails To You!

I like taking toilet paper after a nasty case of hershey squirts, folding it neatly, gently apply it to the mess on my ass cheeks, gently pull it away, and give a friend an ink blot test to see what HIS problem is.

I will assume it's hanging out with people who give poop Rorschach's. ;)

You have a pretty wild imagination.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I like floating my rubber ducky in the bowl, I pretend its the USS Arizona, as I, in my best Nipponese form, try to bomb the living sh...uh...nah, too easy.....try to sink the bastige.

If me and my mates are having a piss against a wall, we sometimes try to get high up the wall. If i'm on my own I try to make pretty patterns or even write my name. Usually a difficult task as I tend to try this when drunk. With the shitting games - when it comes to liqi-shits I try and make out a picture (like ink-blot tests) but if its solid I try to make it come out in one rather than snapping

If I'm alone in a toilet blessed with loads of urinals and I'm well oiled, I'll try and piss in each urinal, working my way along and stopping mid-flow as i move to the next one. It's difficult when drunk and extremely embarrassing if someone happens to walk in while you're shuffling. Trust me.

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You can't polish a turd

Cyanocobalamin: In my ecstcy taking heyday I think I timed my longest piss at a shade under 3 minutes. I was in a cab home with my friends on the way back from a particularly heavy night on the disco biscuits and, as is usually the case, had consumed a ridiculous amount of water.

My mates were banging on the windows and hurling abuse at me while I was roadside as the meter was still running... I just couldn't stop though. I hate drugs.

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You can't polish a turd

G.E.B = I love the sound of the urinal game, I think I may have to adopt that one. Problem is that there is a chance of pissing on your shoes isn't there?

I like to see how long I can sustain a pee stream while standing away from the toilet. When you have to step closer, you lose. Also, I never do this in my own house.

When pooping, if someone comes near the bathroom, I make strange noises. Grunting, sobbing, squeeling (my kids will probably grow up with brain damage). Often I'll knock against the wall or porcelain and repeatedly say "Ouch!" really loud. Sometimes I'm having so much fun, I'll forget I'm supposed to be pooping.

My favorite thing to do is in the public restroom. If there is some one in the room, I like to pretend to be talking on the cell phone, setting up a drug deal or a hit. I have a friend who is in on it with me, and sometimes I'll call him and put it on speaker phone and one of us will beg for our life, promising to get the money before our family is slaughtered or our knees are shattered. And then I always go, "Hell. I must've had this stupid thing on speaker phone!"

Its sick, but pooping time should never be down time.

Wow, DungDaddy, that sounds like loads of fun. Just don't get caught by the wrong people, or they might waste their time searching you just to find innocence!

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Dung Daddy: your comment reminds me a great joke I heard a while ago:

I was on holiday last week and went to the loo in the hotel bar...

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other cubicle
saying:
"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the toilet with a stranger, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,
"I’m fine!"

The man continues asking:
"So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At this point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
"Uh erm, On holiday!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear the shocking question.
"Can I come over?"

Ok, what a nut job this guy is a weirdo, but I figured I would be polite and end the conversation...
"No........I'm a little busy right now, do you mind leaving me alone I’m trying to concentrate!!!"

Then I hear the person say...

"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's some idiot in the next cubicle who keeps answering all my questions”

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You can't polish a turd

Northy, yes the chance of dribbling south are suitably magnified but when you're slashed you don't care about these trivialities...

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You can't polish a turd

Goodness! Dumpster has nothing to contribute to this virile thread. Somehow, I feel less of a man.

you are.

(c'mon, that surely should get a great comment tag!!)

I bring ketchup packets into crowded public toilets . I scream in agony at the urinal as i secretly empty the ketchup packets into the urinal and pee. Other bathroom guests are terrifed of what bloody pee disease I might have.
This is great bathroom fun and works great at weddings and holiday functions.

Before I leave my brothers apartment I always use his toilet.
Sometimes I leave large amounts of pubic hair scattered around the toilet seat...or an ear of corn floating in the bowl .

Tip for great farts.........Eat hot wings and jalapeno peppers. You cant go wrong. BEER FARTS RULE!!!

I love you people! You make me appear almost normal. My favorite poop related fun centers around others when they go to the crapper. A twisted colleague of mine brings a fart machine to work with her on occasion. When no one is around, we hide it behind an old disused grill in the wall, next to the bathroom. The bathroom is at the front of a large cubicle farm where we are forced to waste creative energy to enrich some cretin who owns the company. We wait until someone is leaving the bathroom and press the remote, causing what sounds like an anal gaseous eructation of 9.5 on the richter scale. This embarrasses the hell out of just about anyone. We have also taken the individual brownies with nuts and rolled them into uncannily realistic shitballs and left them in amusing places. Like the bosses chair just before a meeting with the directors. That was priceless. I nearly shit when I saw his face when he left the office after discovering them.

Anomalous, I will never look at a brownie the same way again! LOL

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And it burns, burns, burns -
The ring of fire.

I am a simple man. When I am defecating it is hard to amuse myself in any way aside from the sheer joy of what I am doing. I do have one little guilty pleasure in the bathroom, and I'm not gonna tell you but I will simply say that their are no shampoo bottles in my bathroom left unread. ingredients and all. Good Luck everyone

Okay, Bilge, I did think of one thing to add. Back when I was married, I once filled a gallon jug with water, went in the bathroom, shut the door, and started pouring the water in a tiny but steady trickle into the commode.

About 20 minutes into this, my ex comes to the door and calls out, "are you all right?"

It was so funny! Sorta like that scene from "Animal House."

_I like to play video poker during my pooping sessions______
fartqueen

And of course, the highest hand you can have is the royal flush. This is done by either having a 10 through ace strait of the same suit or wiping your ass with a picture of the Queen Mother.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Fartqueen, could you please either take your signature OFF, or please learn to place your cursor before the "br" symbol? Thanks ever so.
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Hey! Don't touch my wenis!

My most favorite thing to do in a PUBLIC bathroom is to organize mob hits on my cell phone. I will call my friend up and we will talk about whacking someone while he is on speaker phone. At one point he will ask me if I have him on speaker I yell OMG yes SHIT I will call you right back. Its hilarious to listen to the mens room gradually get quiet LMAO.
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

_I usually just read a book....no games or playful pooping.______
Producing waste since 1967

When we were young, my friend and I used to piss while walking down the street to see who could leave the longest trail. ( we grew up out in the sticks...) And of course, the distance shots, name writing etc, were also enjoyed.

As teens we had an old metal tool shed behind his house we all used to party in. Much beer was drunk in there, as well as plenty of mother nature smoked. We used to piss on the side of the shed so the rest of the guys could enjoy it too. Occasionally, we'd find a bb hole, and much chaos and consternation would ensue...

As for #2 fun, i mostly just like to heckle friends and coworkers when they are crapping. I'll fart back if some dude rips one on the bowl, and say " right back atcha!", that kind of thing.

I did used to bombard my one buddy with wet paper towels when he was trapped on the can... Dude took forever, and he STANK. I slam dunked one over the top of the stall that went right between his legs and splashed water all over his ass... Needless to say, after laughing hysterically, I made myself scarce for a while.

BTW, just curious- why is EVERY comment from Double Flush hit with a lame tag??? All of the above were simple contributions to the discussion... does someone have it in for him?

No pissing games - I regard pissing as merely a necessary evil. But I do enjoy and outside shit. Quite recently, whilst sweeping up old leaves in my yard and bagging them up, I had a strong urge to shit. I simply took my trousers down, shit on a pile of leaves, wiped with a few larger ones (I'm a 'clean' shitter anyway) and shovelled everything into the bag. I then carried on with what I was doing. Simple and rewarding!!

So at cheer camp we live in a dorm, with 30 cheerleaders and two or three showers. Occasionally a couple of girls will shower together ever so nakedly and pee at the same time and try to make it cross, but girls dont have penises so its harder.

GEB - just noticed your joke! Brilliant!! Thank you!

Daphne, why would you want to do that to the Queen Mum?
Everybody knows that 'Randy Andy' was the Arse-wipe of the royal family...

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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

George Elliott Butterz, that was a great joke, thanks.

My most recreational pee was when I had the pleasure of using an outhouse in Colorado.

It did not smell, and the view out the door was of beavers building their dam, so it was a great place to enjoy everything mother nature has to offer.

Anyway, as I took my first poop there, I was particularly amused by the sound of my pee hitting the pile of turds below. It didn't exactly splash, or splatter, it was a unique sound all of it's own. The turdpile was about 6 feet below, so the pee was traveling at a pretty good speed when it hit. The sound was enhanced I guess, by the fact that the underground portion of the outhouse was made of a huge corrugated pipe, so I'm sure that added to the unique sound. It also sounded real neat when you farted, and you could even hear your turds hit, because it was so incredibly quiet.

That was the first (and last time I'm sure) that I'll ever enjoy all the unique sounds of going in an outhouse.

Also, as I mentioned on some other posts, it was also fun to look down afterwards and see if you could tell which turds were yours. If there were several fresh ones, it was pretty hard to tell them apart.

Anyway, if you ever get the chance to enjoy a nice (not smelly) outhouse, I highly recommend it.

This is absolutely amazing! I thought I was hiding a dirty little secret because I flush before my pee is finished. I have even gotten my shirt tail wet on occasion bending ofer to get the handle. Thank you Logjam. I can forgo therapy.
As far as poop games, I have none unless you consider sitting on an mt bowl and pretending there is a perfect 9 inch slider in it, a game.

I enjoy outhouses, though I haven't been in one for years. If I have to poop in a porta-potty, I try to make the maximum noise possible with the turds dropping (raise the seat, hover over the hole, let'em go). If I can fart in it, so much the better. This is good fun if someone is waiting outside, or if there are other occupied portapotties nearby.

prarie doggin. I don't mean to burst your bladder, especially given the degree of relief you expressed in finding a fellow premature flusher. However... There are people who have stuck with me long enough to know me well. And they would both tell you that the more things you have in common with me, the more in need of therapy you are. So, for your sake, I will hope that this little secret represents the sum total of oddities we hold in common. (Oh, and interest in all things PoopReport, of course.)

Logjam unt prarie doggin I jus so appen to have a groop terapy session for people jus like you. Metting starts at 8:00pm tonight unt we have schnitzel und bundt cake at our break. Just remember to bring a picture of your mother.

Logjam, should I pick you up at 7:30?

I used that shuffling which GEB did, or just enjoy unleashing a log, we used to have speed/slowness contests in our class, but frankly most of us have grown out of it.