The Fake Story: Why?
Over the years, both Dave and I have received many fake stories in our email accounts submitted for publication. Some of them are pretty entertaining, as a matter of fact; people never cease to amaze me. Of the many crazy requests, testimonials, and solicitations that arrive in my inbox, I’d say that I get one story a month that has been written with genuine effort to convince. Of these stories many seem like fetish fantasies, written by someone who wants to do something like poop in public or poop while having sex. Some of them are revenge fantasies as well. For example, an angry boyfriend will tell me that he got his girlfriend to eat a cake that he baked with shit inside.
No you didn’t.
While I usually read, giggle, and then hit the delete button, this time I wondered if I should share a small piece of my world with you, the loyal and constant poopreporter. The following story was sent to me last week under the name mkblain, and it’s most likely fake. I wonder why this person would even bother sending it in. I also wonder after Googling the phrase mkblain why it’s connected to many other similar poop stories. Like most of the people who send me these whoppers, he didn’t include a working email address, so I can’t ask him. But, I can ask you.
Why do you think people try to publish fake poop stories? Do you think it’s fetish-related, or rather do you think these people just have really weird senses of humor? If you think this story is real after reading it, I’d like to know that too.
Without further adoody, I give you a fake story for discussion, edited only for punctuation and misspelled words.
A Fake Story
Have you ever been discovered with a load in your underwear, and if yes how did it make you feel, and how many times has it happened? It’s happened, probably about six or seven times, but the one that was most embarrassing was when I was 15. My friends and I had arrived at the air show early, not wanting to miss any of the events, and I already needed to go before we got there. Normally, I liked holding it in as long as possible, then doing it in my pants when I was sure no one would find out, but it was different this time. A new girl in my grade had asked if she could go with me and it was the first time I had gone anywhere with a girl, so I wanted to make a good impression. My plan was to do it
while I walked home after the air show, but soon I realized that wasn’t going to work.
Problem was I had a major fear of going to the toilet when people were around and telling anyone. That fear was what started me doing it on purpose but making a good impression was more important this time, so I waited for an opportunity to sneak off unnoticed. By the time the opportunity came along I was desperate to do both and was almost peeing my pants during the walk to the toilets. When I finally got there, all the cubicles were being used and there were a few guys waiting in front of them, but one of the urinals was free. Thinking a pee would solve my predicament, I decided to put my fear of peeing around other people and use the urinal – my first big mistake.
When the pee began to come out so did some huge firm logs, and they didn’t stop unit the whole lot was in my underwear. That started some very conflicting feeling; it was a perfect firm load that didn’t smell and would be perfect to enjoy for hours, but this time there was a very different problem – the girl.
I decided to wait for a cubicle but that wasn’t going to help when none had toilet paper and they were filthy. I had gotten away with pooing my pants around my friends lots of times before, so I decided to risk it again and walked back. The walk felt fantastic, but arriving back to my friends and the girl was terrifying. That slowly disappeared after no one said anything, and she seemed to like me just as much.
By the time the fireworks and the air show were finished the fear of getting found out was completely gone, so I decided to go to a party we were invited to without going home to change. To me, making an excuse to go home would have made them suspicious, considering my house was in the opposite direction. Being at the party with pooed underwear and knowing no one knew felt fantastic, so to make it even more exciting I snuck out the back and pushed even more out once she left.
With the additional logs, my underwear were bulging, but I was confident no one was going to know once I check by putting put my hand in my pants and checking my now bulging underwear. The rest of the party went without anyone saying anything or acting suspiciously, and that made me feel rather proud of my achievement while I walked home. Not only had I gone out with the new girl at school, but I had gotten away with pooing my pants.
When I got home the proud feeling soon vanished when I took my pants off to check my underwear. There was a huge rip in the seam right where my butt had been, and when I put them back on to see if my underwear would have been showing I was devastated. The rip could not have been in a worse place, and to make it even worse, I realized the rip had happened at the air show. Rather than walk all the way around the field, we had taken a short cut through a barbed wire fence. One of the times we did my pants had gotten caught and must have ripped when I pulled them free.
The only damage I thought had happened was a small hole on the side, but the seam must have torn apart while I freed myself. Like any school the news spread within a few hours, and it seemed like everyone was talking about it and either making fun of me or asking some very difficult questions. I later found out that one of the guys that was with us had told everyone not to say anything then raced ahead and did the same at the party.
Well, there you have it.
I personally don't believe someone can walk around all day with a load in his pants and not be discovered, because shit stinks. Are we to believe that he didn't sit down the entire day as well? Because this is what he's suggesting. If he had sat down, poop would have smashed all over his butt. I also don't believe in the serendipity of his pants having a rip right over his brown money maker on the day that he decides to fill his underwear full of grogans, on the day that he attends a party with a girl that he likes. A girl who, if we believe him, also knew he had poop in his pants because his friend told everyone. Call me a cynic, but I just don't.
Now it's your turn. Discuss.