The Fake Story: Why?

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Over the years, both Dave and I have received many fake stories in our email accounts submitted for publication. Some of them are pretty entertaining, as a matter of fact; people never cease to amaze me. Of the many crazy requests, testimonials, and solicitations that arrive in my inbox, I’d say that I get one story a month that has been written with genuine effort to convince. Of these stories many seem like fetish fantasies, written by someone who wants to do something like poop in public or poop while having sex. Some of them are revenge fantasies as well. For example, an angry boyfriend will tell me that he got his girlfriend to eat a cake that he baked with shit inside.

No you didn’t.

While I usually read, giggle, and then hit the delete button, this time I wondered if I should share a small piece of my world with you, the loyal and constant poopreporter. The following story was sent to me last week under the name mkblain, and it’s most likely fake. I wonder why this person would even bother sending it in. I also wonder after Googling the phrase mkblain why it’s connected to many other similar poop stories. Like most of the people who send me these whoppers, he didn’t include a working email address, so I can’t ask him. But, I can ask you.

Why do you think people try to publish fake poop stories? Do you think it’s fetish-related, or rather do you think these people just have really weird senses of humor? If you think this story is real after reading it, I’d like to know that too.

Without further adoody, I give you a fake story for discussion, edited only for punctuation and misspelled words.




A Fake Story

Have you ever been discovered with a load in your underwear, and if yes how did it make you feel, and how many times has it happened? It’s happened, probably about six or seven times, but the one that was most embarrassing was when I was 15. My friends and I had arrived at the air show early, not wanting to miss any of the events, and I already needed to go before we got there. Normally, I liked holding it in as long as possible, then doing it in my pants when I was sure no one would find out, but it was different this time. A new girl in my grade had asked if she could go with me and it was the first time I had gone anywhere with a girl, so I wanted to make a good impression. My plan was to do it
while I walked home after the air show, but soon I realized that wasn’t going to work.

Problem was I had a major fear of going to the toilet when people were around and telling anyone. That fear was what started me doing it on purpose but making a good impression was more important this time, so I waited for an opportunity to sneak off unnoticed. By the time the opportunity came along I was desperate to do both and was almost peeing my pants during the walk to the toilets. When I finally got there, all the cubicles were being used and there were a few guys waiting in front of them, but one of the urinals was free. Thinking a pee would solve my predicament, I decided to put my fear of peeing around other people and use the urinal – my first big mistake.

When the pee began to come out so did some huge firm logs, and they didn’t stop unit the whole lot was in my underwear. That started some very conflicting feeling; it was a perfect firm load that didn’t smell and would be perfect to enjoy for hours, but this time there was a very different problem – the girl.

I decided to wait for a cubicle but that wasn’t going to help when none had toilet paper and they were filthy. I had gotten away with pooing my pants around my friends lots of times before, so I decided to risk it again and walked back. The walk felt fantastic, but arriving back to my friends and the girl was terrifying. That slowly disappeared after no one said anything, and she seemed to like me just as much.

By the time the fireworks and the air show were finished the fear of getting found out was completely gone, so I decided to go to a party we were invited to without going home to change. To me, making an excuse to go home would have made them suspicious, considering my house was in the opposite direction. Being at the party with pooed underwear and knowing no one knew felt fantastic, so to make it even more exciting I snuck out the back and pushed even more out once she left.

With the additional logs, my underwear were bulging, but I was confident no one was going to know once I check by putting put my hand in my pants and checking my now bulging underwear. The rest of the party went without anyone saying anything or acting suspiciously, and that made me feel rather proud of my achievement while I walked home. Not only had I gone out with the new girl at school, but I had gotten away with pooing my pants.

When I got home the proud feeling soon vanished when I took my pants off to check my underwear. There was a huge rip in the seam right where my butt had been, and when I put them back on to see if my underwear would have been showing I was devastated. The rip could not have been in a worse place, and to make it even worse, I realized the rip had happened at the air show. Rather than walk all the way around the field, we had taken a short cut through a barbed wire fence. One of the times we did my pants had gotten caught and must have ripped when I pulled them free.

The only damage I thought had happened was a small hole on the side, but the seam must have torn apart while I freed myself. Like any school the news spread within a few hours, and it seemed like everyone was talking about it and either making fun of me or asking some very difficult questions. I later found out that one of the guys that was with us had told everyone not to say anything then raced ahead and did the same at the party.




Well, there you have it.

I personally don't believe someone can walk around all day with a load in his pants and not be discovered, because shit stinks. Are we to believe that he didn't sit down the entire day as well? Because this is what he's suggesting. If he had sat down, poop would have smashed all over his butt. I also don't believe in the serendipity of his pants having a rip right over his brown money maker on the day that he decides to fill his underwear full of grogans, on the day that he attends a party with a girl that he likes. A girl who, if we believe him, also knew he had poop in his pants because his friend told everyone. Call me a cynic, but I just don't.

Now it's your turn. Discuss.

36 Comments on "The Fake Story: Why?"

MSG's picture
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I don't believe it, either, and for the same reason. Further, while I have not walked around with turds in my pants, I can imagine that walking in this situation would be unnatural: careful (don't let anything drop down a pants-leg), slow, almost like a limp. (I tend to think that a lot of pants-pooping stories are fake, anyway; if it did happen, it was deliberate. I just don't have the mindset to imagine letting such a thing even be possible. I do admit to writing a fake story and having it published here: the scenario of the U.S. Senate hearing on diet as it relates to pooping. It was, of course, identified at the top as fiction, though it may not remain fiction for long.)

Now, as to why someone would submit a fake story, several possibilities occur to me:

The person has a creative urge, perhaps would like to be a short-story writer or novelist, and is trying to develop technique. By getting something published on this site, he proves his writing skills.

He thinks there are a lot of people out there with a poopy mindset, and he wants to join the crowd.

The story never happened, but he imagined it and enjoys it, and wants to immortalize it on the web.

This story happened in part, but because of the smell, he was discovered right away, and from his jail cell (reckless endangerment) he writes this fantasy of how it might have turned out much better.

I am no psychologist, so I'm sure others have much better ideas of why fake stories such as this originate and are submitted.

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points
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The "id" and the "ego" seems to run amok here, with no hope for a "super-ego" to ever reel into the process. We are all capable of writing fine poo fiction. Certainly the abundance of variables is never ending. As for this particular story, there is the possibility for the boy to be known for his poo antics, but given all the happenstances (especially, the girl), the story does not tie together well.
Daphne, as you may have noticed, I was called out yesterday by someone. I should have refrained from comment, but wanted to step it up a bit (thus, the "yo moma" tying into "motherload" dig). Because this site, I have been able remember and write about experiences. This site provides the space to make those stories have a life without pretense or shame. Further, there are honest testimonies and comments that have been beneficial to many seeking answers (Dave's Kool Aid experiments caught the eye of a worried mother and a lost doctor concerning a young daughter's off color output). Still, the need to outdo in a form of fiction is a driving force for many a person's nature. The irony is simple. How could one live with a "fake" story? This is where a "super-ego" is supposed to come into play. But, for some, the ego and id are all too consuming, with the backseat full of super-egos dying to play a part. No guilt from the story teller. Thanks to Daphne, the exposing of this story will hopefully have the author shitting his pants for real; an act that will surely nudge any super-ego into consciousness. That's it for this opining.

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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So we are to believe he shit out the driest most none smelling turds ever? Aside from the smell I think that eventually the turds would have made a big brown stain on his pant seat. I am also perplexed as to how he went all day long with his pants full of shit and yet there was no mention of his asshole and nugget sack being rubbed raw. I think wallowing in your own filth for hours would produce some sort of diaper rash scenario. Thats all this fake ass story was missing. The new girl turned out to be into this kind of thing and they fell in love over her changing his shitty pants.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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I find the story impossible to believe. No one could walk around all day with a big mass of turdage in their undies without being detected. I don't care how "sweet" he thought it smelled I am confident that others would not have been in agreement. He even described the turds as "logs" which, to me anyway, implies a certain amount of dryness which would have made them prime candidates for a tumble down a trouser leg and a plop onto the floor where they would have been seen by all.

Why do people lie? Is their real life so horribly boring that they have to invent things? I was in the service with a liar once, we all quickly learned to pay no attention to anything he said.


_______
Dirty old men need love too!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

cc's picture
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I would have to say this is a scat fantasy.It reminds of the story about a guy who was on a bus trip with his female pal and he let her poop in his hands.I think some people mistake the theme of the web site and they think it is for scat stories.It's like I learned in seminary school you can't petition The Lord with and prayer and never let the truth ruin a good story.

doniker's picture
j 1000+ points
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why do a fake story? To get attention.

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points
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At cc: "petition the lord with prayer"..did you go to the same seminary school with Jim Morrison?

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

daphne's picture
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thin brown, I missed the comment you're referring to, but I am glad that you have been able to exercise your demons and give us a chuckle at the same time.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points
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This is a rip off of an unpublished Steven King book called "Poohjo".

LeandraCullen's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
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I think doniker may have the right idea about some stories....

You know, there could be hundreds of archived PR stories that are fiction. Not that I'm doubting Daphne's abilities to sort through them, but seriously, there could be some people out there coming up with these and no one would be the wiser...

The Original Grasshopper

C Everett Poop's picture
j 1000+ points
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I knew this was fake in the first two seconds because air shows have porta potties, not urinals. Whoever wrote this was an asshole.

cc's picture
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Mr Mojo Rising was a trip.It's a shame he checked out so early.He would have had some great poop stories,songs and poems.If Jim were a Poop Reporter he may have called that song Outhouse Blues.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I knew it was fake before reading, because Daphne said it was.

Chili, your puns are not clever, or funny, and really waste a lot of fucking space.
_______
"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

The Poop Report Chorus's picture
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Bilge seems to have forgotten that PR is for everybody.

You used to be funny and likeable, Bilge. What turned you into the resident bitter old asshole?

LeandraCullen's picture
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TPRC, Poopreport is for everyone. And everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and is entitled to post said opinion. Was there any mention that Chili wasn't allowed to post his puns? Let me check...uhm...hang on a minute...no.

Daphne, I apologize if this comment breaks my rules.

The Original Grasshopper

Bilgepump's picture
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Chorus, I even APPROVED your anonymous post, because you are right. However, I'm not afraid to use my name when I post my opinion, everyone knows what I say. I also take responsibility for it. Chili has 1600 + comments, every freaking one of them some deliriously lame attempt at the same tired fast food chain joke that has been done by countless 100's of thousands of idiots for many many years. He even repeats himself yearly, when he archive threads, not bothering to see if maybe he didn't post the same fucking drivel 365 days ago. He's a burden to comment moderators, unfunny, witless, and boring. But I won't delete any of his posts, I'll let them speak for themselves. You, dear Chorus, ought to go read every one of those posts, and then come back and tell me I'm wrong. Oh, and I am a bitter, old asshole..I like me that way, so fuck off.

_______
"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

LeandraCullen's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
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TPRC, your comment indicates you've been reading PR for some time now. Why haven't you registered?

The Original Grasshopper

Bilgepump's picture
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Chorus is registered, and is posting anonymously, because he thinks its cute.

_______
"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

LeandraCullen's picture
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LOL! Chorus, I just lost any respect I may have ever had for you, ever.

Daph...what's your verdict here?

The Original Grasshopper

cc's picture
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Yo Bilgepump I know how you feel.I used to tell the players I coached I only allowed one asshole on the team and that was my job.Thyin Brown Line I wonder if The Soft Parade wad a group of people waiting on a bathroom line.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Bilgepump is the dry drunk of poopreport while doniker is the wet one.

daphne's picture
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I am going to have to keep mum on my suspicions of who the Poopreport Chorus is this time around. But I do have suspicions.

As to redundant posting and run-of-the-mill puns, though, well,I don't think they don't contribute anything to a thread unless they're really funny. Just as PR should be for everyone, it should also go without saying that you don't have to post a comment on every single story you read. If you don't have anything to say, just don't. If you believe that Poopreport should be a family, then try to imagine what it would be like to have a family member who had to make a lame pun about every single story told at the dinner table. Sure, you love that person, but you also want to reach over and stab that person in the neck with fork every once in awhile as well. I think that's what happens here sometimes, too.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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TO the AC commenting on my being a dry drunk...if you say so, but I really doubt you have any idea what you are talking about. I"m not here to make you happy.


_______
"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Anonymous Coward from 2 posts above's picture
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As a former drunk I think I do know.

My question to you is "Are you here to make yourself happy"?

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Why, yes, I am, and I do a good job with it, and as a side benefit, several others here seem to gain some form of joy from it as well, if you don't, too bad, that's not my fault. You should know, if you are as you say, that I'm not in charge of anyone else's feelings. Have a problem with me, its your problem not mine. I have a problem with Chili, and a few others, its not their problem, its mine, I own it...he, or they aren't required to change on my behalf, but I can certainly voice an opinion, which does seem to be shared by a few, if not many. I'd like to know who put you in charge of the status of my sobriety? Certainly wasn't me.

_______
"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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As a Buddhist, albeit a very poor one, I am here to make myself, and as many of those I come in contact with, as happy as possible.

Tenzin Gyatso, shortened from Jetsun Jamphel Ngawang Lobsang Yeshe Tenzin Gyatso and known to the world simply as the 14th Dalai Lama states it very simply when he says, "we are here to enjoy it". We need to remember very few rules the main one being the golden rule in the Christian religion. If you don't want something done to you then don't do it to someone else.


_______
Dirty old men need love too!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Frank Benway's picture
l 100+ points
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Yeah, I'm on here to "enjoy it". That's why i kind of skip over most of the comments and only read ones from Daphne, Chief, Doniker, and the few others whose viewpoints are entertaining and make sense. Chili needs to be stopped. (tap tap)~ CHILI !- This Means You!- (nudge nudge)~ Please stop posting your cornball ass puns and useless drivel. I wouldn't have laughed at any of it even if I was 8 years old. Your stuff is lamer than the jokes on a bazooka bubblegum wrapper, and that's difficult to do. You're embarrassing yourself.

CC also known as Coach Crap's picture
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Chief don't feel bad I have been a practicing Jew for 54 years and I will continue to practice until I get it right. Time out for a kosher cheeseburger in paradise.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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CC ... Is a kosher cheeseburger anything like the halal pork ribs that a Muslim friend of mine enjoys? If we both keep practicing we will eventually get it right. Now if I may be excused I need a gin and tonic and a ham sandwich.


_______
Dirty old men need love too!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I have a Jewish buddy that keeps Kosher at home but when away.....his favorite food...an A&W whistle dog. He once said to me "if they ever start making these with Hebrew Nationals they'll lose the entire Jewish customer base".

LeandraCullen's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
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...Uhm. So much for trying to figure out the reasons for the fake story.

What changed here? Every thread derails quickly, and the derails suck. Or it's a flame battle (not quite a war). Maybe that should be a new story lol. What happened to PR?

The Original Grasshopper

pnuttycorn's picture
k 500+ points
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WOW! Most and long comments I have seen in a LONG time here. And I can moderate, and WOW, just WOW.

Anomalous Coward's picture
k 500+ points
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Like any bragging its an attempt at self aggrandizement. Me, I just use big words I don't know the meaning of.

daphne's picture
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Ha! You know, that actually happens alot here. I often find that someone uses a big word when he has submitted a story, and it's obvious that the writer doesn't use big words because the syntax in which the word was used is way off. I call this MWSA -- Microsoft Word Synonym Abuse.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Mr Schitz's picture
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If this isn't a load of shit...

If you're walking around with a load on the backside, somebody will notice...if not by the smell, then by your pants sagging to your knees. And how would one go that long without feeling a bit disgusting? At some point your log is going to squish between your cheeks and whatever piece of fabric is on the other side!!! Unless you've got some super-hard stools of steel, then I suggest seeing a doctor.

The brown trout can't be a good feeling on your taint and balls....

How could you impress any girl with the aroma of ass? There was a time when a date ended because I couldn't hold a fart any longer. My excuse is that we were on the freeway and pulling over in North Philly is never an option.

The only way this lie could be any worse is if he said that he had fucked her. Or fucked her while his "logs" sat in his pants.

Dr Scully's picture
l 100+ points
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Possible reasons to make up a fake story:
a) it's 3am: you're drunk, have finished purchasing Gucci knock-off watches, and you're bored on the internet
b) you're a boring person in general and mom/dad/guardian didn't give you enough attention/hugs/kisses/put your shitty drawings on the fridge as a child
c) you want to see if others are actually gullible enough to believe your story and put it on the internet where it will remain forever so you can show your friends
d) you're just an asshole who wants to waste other people's time
e) all of the above

The story is clearly fake. He contradicts himself (the cubicles were dirty and had no toilet paper, but then why not clean up at the party?), and the laws of physics wouldn't make this possible. Even if it was a firm, hard, odourless turd, the heat/sweat from your body throughout the day would melt it, creating noticeable stink/stains.

What probably really happened: he shit himself at a party in front of a girl he liked and had to walk home alone in shame.