This made me laugh, and I needed to laugh. Thanks, Skivvies.

Good luck with your pine tree experiment!

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Damn....I laughed so hard I shit my pants.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Wearing your skids until they have holes in them is just plain cheapskatery. As for the stains, there`s a simple way to avoid this - buy dark brown undies.

I lost 10 points off my IQ reading this pointless drivel. When you write a story, have a point, or at least go somewhere with it. This is six paragraphs of rambling. Then it ends. Wow.

I stopped wearing briefs for this reason. Less likely to skid loose fitting boxers. Though Navy bootcamp over 4 years ago always had some interesting marks in those stamped and ironed briefs

Underwear? What the hell is that stuff? Is this some kind of new fad, like that whole asswipe thing was a few years back?

Why is it that I'm always the last person to find out about these things?????
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

I told you they weren't coffee filters.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Funny good read. Gotta have undies. And no fanny flossers! I dunno how people wear those.
I'd be diggin all day. Ew.

I served aboard many ships, each having one thing in common: The skidmark of the day! Laundry is done by the berthing compartment and everyone's laundry goes into the same bag. When it comes back from the ship's laundry, whoever is passing out laundry that day has to look at the stencil on the garment and put it on the owner's rack. The one exception to this is "the skidmark of the day". Whoever leaves a skidmark in a pair of white skivvies so tough it survives a wrestling match with the ship's laundry gets his skivvies posted on the bulletin board for all to approve of his skidmark intensity and proficiency. The award is not seen as an embarrassment, but a measure of pride and prowess. Exceptional skivvie wear and tear are exponential point bonuses. The ability to leave a brown streak next to a hole in one's skivvies AND have it survive the ship's laundry is a level of zen few achieve.

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Now that's what a men's room is supposed to smell like!

Here's my problem: I buy new undies every couple of months, but then I never really get rid of the old ones. So I end up with about 1000 pairs of underwear and I only actually wear the newest ones. Guess I need to go through them and pitch all the old ones with holes in the waistband and those little elastic strings coming off of them.

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An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

I've done that, too, runninggrrl2. This year I finally kicked a pair of butt floss to the curb that were held together on one side by a few strands of cotton.

I think how poor Mr. daphne and I were during the first couple years of our marriage made me frugal to the point of ridiculous when it comes to clothes, food, and housewares.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I hate to toss clothes because of age when they are still comfortable. I have a sorta paisley patterned blue shirt that I have been wearing for about ten years. It was made of very heavy cotton fabric in Pakistan. Over the years the material has gotten thiner and thiner until now it looks like silk, unfortunately it has also become very fragile.

First the armpits developed large holes, I turned it wrong-side-out, stretched it over a large light bulb and darned it like a sock a few times. I got a little more wear out of it but it is dying on me. I love it to much to rip it into rags so I am going to destroy it like a flag. I will say a few words over it,
have a drink in its honor then cremate it in my barbecue grill. I will probably have a tear in my eye and a lump in my throat during the ceremony.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Oh man........this is a great little commentary about underwear.......so what if it's not your typical PR "I nearly shit myself" story? It's good nonetheless.

Butt floss........hahaha

Yeah I hate that shit, but Athena and The Integral never listen to me. I'd be all for boxers, really........

Ivan of athenivanidx

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We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!

I liked this, too. Every once in awhile we have to have something different.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Sounds like the old grape nuts cerial commercial regarding eating pine needles !

I think if you can't find the humor in it when you shit your own pants then there is something wrong with you. As an adult I have only ever shit myself once and I think it's fucking hilarious. Even at the time it happened.
I was so sick I thought I was dying, my kids were all sick I was living in a shelter and here I was puking my guts out in front of half the shelter while I shit myself at the same time. In between vomiting bouts I was laughing hysterically. I'm sure everyone thought I was nuts, oh if they only knew.
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Farting is just gas, right? No liquid or solid? How would that stain anything? I can see melting or otherwise chemically altering the cloth, possibly generating a hole through sheer rot; but a skidmark, no--that would seem to require some actual poop (i.e., a shart, at least). I have certainly sharted a few times, but even then have rarely stained or marked the cloth.

I would expect (and have experienced) that skidmarks come from scratching the anus through one's pants after an imperfect wipe makes the butt itch.

MSG-
Regarding farts being just gas, I tend to agree with you, but theres a fella I worked with who claimed that if you fart hard on a white cloth, you can see the little bits of shit that get blasted out.
I am yet to try this experiment.
Perhaps some of our readers would be willing to give it a shot and report back...
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The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

The only time I remember shitting myself was when I tried to fart on someone. Whether I liked it or not, it WAS funny and I had to laugh.

In reference to CEP's comment about six paragraphs of rambling: I expected such from the title, and although I like reading all of the well-illustrated stories, my short attention span welcomes this rest. I liked this post also.
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Every poop is not to be told to every body.

I ain't going to try your idea for pine-scented farts.
They don't call them pine NEEDLES for nothing.
What about when you take a crap and it feels like a entire Amazonian tribe used your ring-peice for a blowpipe practice target?

Well Bulldog the cure for that would be to shove an ice pop up your a-hole, problem solved. Or stop letting bees play in the garden that is your ass crack.
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Experts say that the sale of new underware is a sign of economic recovery. I think the related indicator of shit stained undies is a sign that the nightly news is getting worse all the time.

Ha ha ha haaa!
Good one, CKK. And heres me thinking you'd had a sense-of-humorectomy.
I stand corrected.
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The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

Perhaps underwear tracking is the REAL insider information.
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Every poop is not to be told to every body.

News Brief:

Skid row fills up as economic indicators continue to fall. Holes in story filled in on page number 2.

(Advertisement: Macy's end sale! All Fruit of the Loom underwear priced to go!)

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To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Dear C Everett Poop - Everything in life is not about shitting all over yourself. There is more in life that has to do with the poop chute than shitting all the time. As for it being a ramble, you are correct. I was sitting around thinking about brown strips and this is what came out. Don't take yourself so seriously.

I don't make up outrageous shit stories just to be posting something. My rambles are from my own experiences.

On another note: My story was posted under the wrong name. Would someone please give me credit for my brown stripped ramble?

Thanks for changing the credit Dave!

Some for these guys are prolific in the number of stories they can come up with. I only ramble on occasion.

I have always said that ANY kind of bodily function is funny as hell.

I get so many laughs from this site that I have posted a link to PoopReport.com right on the home page of my website. My site has been running since 1972. I took down the hit counter when it surpassed two million. I hope some of my users check this place out.

Blind Mullet (559) -- 11.08.2009

MSG-
...if you fart hard on a white cloth, you can see the little bits of shit that get blasted out. I am yet to try this experiment. Perhaps some of our readers would be willing to give it a shot and report back....

That's what the brown strips in underwear are. It is particularly bad in heavy farters. My nephew farts so much and so hard that his underwear have turned black.

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I ramble therefore I am.