My friend, Artful Dodger, is 33 today! Happy birthday, Buddy!!!!! I'm probably gonna get in trouble for abusing my posting powers, but hopefully not until after April 2, when another of our long time loved ones will be celebrating a similar event.
Happy Birthday, Art and many more to come. I will be celebrating my 22nd annual 33rd birthday this year also. What a coincidence!
happy birthday, dodger!
bidge, you are in so much trouble._______i love poop.
Happy birthday Artfull.. Hope your birthday poop was a good one.
Just remember, use your MOUTH to blow out the candles! Happy Happy, mate!_______You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....
Happy birthday! :)
Dodger!! you're just a few months older than me. Have a happy one! 33 only comes around once every year! _______Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!
Nothing against Dodger, he is the best but the front page is for Poop stories...so this should be removed.
HBD, AD. (Amazing. This thread, unlike all the recent ones with stories at the top, is staying on topic.) And what an amazing site you've set up Dave. This act of rebellion is automatically credited to Bilge's official list of stories, he gets 10 easy points, a rise out of doniker, earns the respect of wonderpance, and Dodger will always be beholding to him. You hit for the cycle, Bilge.
It never occurred to me that I got points out of this, maybe they can be taken back...or worse, Dave will demote me....but Dodger deserves recognition, he's a long time stalwart, and has become a good friend.
my birthday is September 28.
will I get the same treatment?
Surely not.
This is bullshit.
I have submitted stories to dave that weren't "poopy enough" so they couldn't hit the front page.
This thread should be deleted. It is against the rules. It is not Poop related.
Yep, I checked the rule book and doniker is right.
Rule 29. No "stories" about birthdays. Rule 30, by the way, is "No recognition of doniker's birthday on Sept 28."
Dave hardly to ever posts stories on the weekends; so this would have been an otherwise non-story day, wouldn't it?
Happy Birthday Dodger. Have a piece of cake for me. Mmm, cake.
_______.....hugging bunnies since 1969 www.daphneszoo.com
Happy Birthday to poo! Happy birthday to poo! Happy Birthday dear Dodger! Happy birthday to poo! _______Born right the first time.
Yes, happy birthday dear dodger! And, yes doniker, I would throw you a big party.
I just got back from two days in rural India, where I've been preparing for a fundraiser PR is going to do to built toilets in tiny villages. And this is what I see?
Bilge, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? The whole point of giving you those permissions was because I was supposed to be able to trust you with the site when I was away. You better believe I'm stripping your posting permissions.
Happy birthday, dodger.
First of all, thanks to everyone for the felicitations.
Bilge, I'm sorry you got yourself into hot water with the boss on my account. Maybe Dave will let you off with scrubbing those village toilets in India.
doniker, if it will make you feel better, I ate a huge sack of White Castles yesterday and am paying for it today. I'll write you the story and you can make grumpy comments about it.
What if the New York Times decided to skip the headlines in favor of "Happy Birthday to My Buddy!"?
Remove this.
If anyone wants to help redeem Bilgepump even slightly in my eyes, someone better figure out a way to derail this thread into a poop discussion real quick.
Art, Happy birthday kiddo - now go and get drunk, fall over and puke in sombody else's back yard, upon recovery, stagger home find the nearest can and let her rip!
Bilge, Its the thought that counts y'know - your intentions were honourable and thats all that matters. (A few extra points didnt hurt tho' eh? *wink wink*)
_______like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.
quick attempt at derail - So, Dave, India eh? Tiny villages? does that equate to tiny dunnies or/and even tiny behinds? Aslo, given the nature of the economy over there, coupled with the, somwhat colourful diet, what is your experience, if any, of the approx kilogram wieght and color of the average vindaloo soaked, popadom ridden, mango chutney smellin' dump?
*thinks, this may just work*
Ok here's my attempt to re-rail (put the train back on the tracks).
Yesterday, I had the runs (imagine that) and it looked just like the frosting on Dodgers birthday cake. Would anybody have a suitable name for that cake?
I keep asking Wonderpants to go to a store and look at the label of a "Pantene Pro V" shampoo bottle and tell me if there is anything funny about it. Anything at all. (Just trying help de rail) I need to order another poop T-shirt.
Dave's right....good intentions don't always realize good results. I apologize, everyone...and for Doniker, I had the thought of doing this for all the long time residents of PR, including you, as they came up...but I'll just keep it in the forums, which is a far more appropriate place...that is, if Dave lets me stay. Oh, and nobody needs to try to defend me, I broke the rules, I'm a big boy, and can deal with the consequences.
We could redeem this topic to some extent by thinking back to our own birthdays and whatever poopy things happened on them. My un-favorite birthday was the one when I suddenly discovered an allergy to corn (after eating two ears, natch!). I ate it at a friend's house, and we were on our way home when I suddenly felt the urge about 15 miles from home on a strange country road. It was well after dark, and the urge became no longer discretionary, but mandatory. I pulled over, apologized to my wife, ran to the side of the road, whisked down my pants and underpants with one smooth if desperate motion, aimed for the general direction of the woods, and went PHOOM! What took a leisurely half hour going in shot out in maybe a second. Wiping took longer, making sure of the answer to my wife's solicitous question, "Did ya get any on ya?" The rest of that birthday was quieter.
Here's a suggestion. Many a great PR page starts with a great story and ends with trite comments. How about viewing this as a page in reverse, where Bilge's tribute to Dodger is the trite comment, and at the end is a great story? All we need is someone to write the story (ideally involving shit on one's birthday), and then we close out the thread and give it a new title that lets people know they should start at the bottom. Someone, please, help Bilge out. (doniker?) Despite what he claims above, Bilge is not a big boy who can handle things himself. He depends on the kindness of strange people like us.
This might not directly involve poop, but it involves birthdays and is sickening.
We had a birthday party for a family member, and a birthday cake was made and sat on the counter. After dinner I got the cake, and much to my dismay, a lot of the frosting was removed from the sides. Mrs PD had always had a bad habit of doing this, and as usual she was accused and denied it. We cut the cake and it was consumed with much rumbling and seething glances at the Mrs. About an hour later my dog came by me (a collie type mutt). As i scratched her head she did her usual roll over to get her belly scratched. To my horror, her underside, and hind side had frosting all over. She was capable of jumping on the counter, (had done it before) and must have either straddled or sat on the cake and ate the frosting. We would have apologized to Mrs. PD but we were all too busy in the bathroom putting our fingers down our throats.
My birthday's on Wednesday, so maybe I'll eat four boxes of Triscuits and 25 ounce of vegetarian chili Tuesday, chased down with a six-pack of expired beer.
And asparagus, Daph, for contrast.
Would that be this Wednesday? If so, please allow me to send you a bottle or two of my early harvest vintage bike seat wine. It is a fruity blend, with a heady bouquet, notes of leather and burnt cotton, and a fine earthy finish. It comes in a 3 liter bottle. Twist off cap of course. Happy birthday!
daphne is having the Birthday to Save Bilge, wine supplied by PD, vintner of fine-ass wines. Her report of it, told here on Thursday (stay tuned icing aficionados) will help make this thread the most notorious in PR history, leading Dave to promote Bilge to Deputy ShitWeb Master.
I'll submit a birthday poop story in a little while.
Enjoy your bday, all you Aries! _______Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!
Frank, I was in the supermarket yesterday, and did take a glance at the ingredients of a Pantene Pro-V bottle. From what I can see, we need either to be snorting it or mainlining it into our veins. It's definitely not for the hair.
Oh, and to keep on track, I farted in the hair care aisle.
PD, I thought it was you! Jesus man, don't do that again, drinking Pantene Pro V is a No No. The only benefit is that the hairs in the steamy valley comb neatly. Did you see the mess you left the staff in after the trouser cough in isle 7? Come on man, get a grip, you can't continue like this..... Don't let Frank get you down! I have a number for H.P.A.A. if you need it, (Hair Product Abusers Anonymous)
I'm hair for you if you need me man.
Guys, it's not the ingredients! Some of the bottles have it right on the front label, right under the English... It's definitely poo related, especially if you don't know Spanish.
Don't know Spanish who?
Damn this is making my hair stand on end!
Ok Frank, we have held a high level meeting of PR's to discuss your...er problem. Seeing things that are not really there is serious, but nothing to be ashamed of. We think, that due to your excessive drinking you are seeing something on a Pantene bottle that isn't there. With the hints you have given us, we believe you are seeing something on the order of J-Lo taking a dump. I'm sorry Frank, that steamy picture is not on ANY Pantene bottle. You need to get some professional help, as you are well liked here and we want you to get well. We will be there for you Frank. Get well my friend.
PD go on Amazon.com and type in Pantene. Some shampoo products will appear. Click one that shows the bottle "turned slightly"- it's hard to make out on some computers but helps if you click on the larger image feature. On the label, you will see what looks like hydration...
Daphne--4 boxes of Triscuits? I love them, but they're potent. I hope you survive the assault. Let us know . . .
Frank, I tried it, I went on to amazon.com and found the pic. of the sidways bottle.
Have you been taking any drugs that may induce an altered state of conciousness, or any antiphsycosis medication?
I know where you can get some.
Happy Birthday, daph. Wish I was there to help you celebrate it.
Daphne, those Triscuits are basically small squares of Kevlar. They're bulletproof and should go through you like a freight train. Happy Birthday and many more to come.
BVC, I,m on my way to the grocery store now either to vindicate Frank, or recommend he be committed. I needed some Immodium anyway.
Great, keep me posted, there has to be more to this than meets the eye.
Hang in there Frank.
O.K. BVC go to walgreens.com and type Pantene Pro-V daily moisture renewal shampoo. Enlarge image of bottle and read entire label. Let me know...
Also BVC, you may have to scroll down and look at the bottle slightly turned (shampoo + conditioner). That's the poop related one.
If it smells like rotton eggs, and it's running down your legs.........DIARIA.
BINGO. Thanks Frank. You still need to be committed. But then so do I.
I feel older.
Good luck Frank. Stay away from the giant nets. No matter what Prarie and Logjam are saying, they are NOT looking for monarch butterflies.
That's right! Happy Birthday daphne. I can't believe that no one on the site noticed that shampoop bottle before.
Uh Frank, you weren't aware that none of us shower?
Yeah, Dog has one of those dust baths like a chinchilla. He's filled his entire bathtub with sand, and he rolls around in it two to three times a day.
You should see his exercise wheel!
Uh oh...crap. Sorry, PD, when I was over last, I thought your toilet was broke and you were just having fun with the tub full of sand,...a litter box gag...so I did...can't say it was unpleasant, but dude, if you're rolling in it...oh wait...Dogs do that....never mind.
Daphne, "two or three times a day". I'm not a clean freak.
Oh, and Bilge, I rake (stolen from local golf course sand trap) the tub each time. Found that bad boy. Blamed the Mrs.
Artful My best wishes for a Happy Birthday from a guy who was born on April Fools Day. 33 is a great age wish I could have that year back. I am now 40 with 5 years experience and still act like a juvenile delinquent. Enjoy your birthday._______The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!
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