Plastic surgery leaves no marks. It's quick, painless, simple, and lasts forever. After reviewing various posts here on PoopReport, it became obvious that Klingons around Uranus are actually a naturally-occurring
phenomenon. This leads me to think about the whole concept of "natural" -- and now, I think, I have a solution.
Teflon.
Yes, folks, that very seventies-esque coating that your dad managed to remove from the pan with a steel fish slicer could save thousands of you from the torment of MWS (Million-Wipers Syndrome). I have had occasion to use a device "tipped" with Teflon, and have noted that absolutely nothing sticks to this stuff.
All it would take is for somebody (I know you are out there somewhere!) to put us in touch with a plastic surgeon willing to perform the simple task of buffing up the anus, then coating it with a thin film of Teflon, and hey presto! no skid marks!
Each dump would glide effortlessly into the pan, leaving no discernible trace behind. No need to wipe, and you wouldn't have to change underwear for weeks, if not months. All we need now is the name of someone willing to perform the procedure... anybody know a doctor?
