While Dave-O is taking that road trip, this concept could end up being all over the map. But I trust the main site moderators will keep it on PR-related topics should someone veer off course.

Speaking of all over the map, I'll start things off with this observation about myself. I was just thinking the other day about my lack of loyalty towards a particular toilet paper brand. It kinda surprises me because when I have gone to the trouble of purchasing a brand with aloe or that bills itself as 'easy on the ass,' I've liked it.

But just as often, I'll pick up a pack of something that's cheaper or on sale. Or: in my frequent business travels, I'll help myself to a roll in the hotel bathroom and take that home with me and use it. Hotel brands are utilitarian but not especially 'cushy,' so to speak.

In other words, my TP brand habits are truly all over the map. In my PR profile I noted truthfully that I just don't have a favorite brand of TP. You would think I would pick out something and stick with it, but I don't.

In no other area of my purchasing am I like this. Go figure.

TBW, While I am fairly loyal to the Cottoneele brand ( get it at cost through work) there are occassions when I find myself short, and in an emergency, I'll grab whatever is handy, although many times I have rued that particular action. Getting 80 rolls for less than 50 cents a roll, of soft, cushy, Dottonelle is just one of the few perks I have at work, so I do try to keep an eye on the supply, at home.

dammit!! That should read "soft, cushy COTTONELLE" me and my fat fingers....sorry.

Iv'e heard that folding toilet paper instead of crumpling it makes it feel softer, and saves paper too. Any thoughts?

i like Charmin. daphne won't like that, but so far i haven't been able to find a brand that's equally as soft and cheap. the kind i'm using currently is Angel Soft, and it's really not that soft. it feels ok when i have to wipe, but i also use TP and baby oil to remove my eye makeup, and this stuff feels like i'm sanding the skin around my eyes or something.

apparently, my face is more sensitive than my nether region.

I use wipes as well as TP. For the latter, anything cheap and quilted is fine by me.

And now, to show Dave-O that we can handle more than one topic on the same Open Forum thread (also known as walking and chewing gum at the same time), let me verify for all who read this that he really does somewhat resemble Jerry Seinfeld. And as his posts have demonstrated over the years, he has a come-at-you-out-of-left-field sense of humor.

Can 'PR: The Series' be far behind? Oh, and Dave-O, be sure and cast your favorite PR'ers in supporting roles!

oh mr. wiper, i have big plans, BIG plans regarding a PR TV series. ok, well maybe not big plans, but a plan. a plan to come up with a plan. it will happen. mark my words.

I am taking care of my parents house right now and don't want to go out. For this reason I am saving toilet paper for the next two weeks. On the subject of scrunching verses folding, I have found no difference between the two. Also, I don't have wet wipes but I save on toilet paper by using my bathtub as a sort of bidet.

And PR the series, I get to be the poo-flinging monkey. Okay?

I like that wonderpance that thought of me! Thank you, wonderpance. And remember, if you use Charmin, the dolphins are going to hear about it. They have their ways.

I like Angel Soft, Cottonelle, and Quilted Northern. But I also will use Great Western generic toilet paper if it's on sale. As long as it's not Scott. It's torn my bum once too many.

I am the bargain shopper of tp's, but I also know that you have to remember you get what you pay for. It's a slippery slope.

Hey, I stayed on track. I hope the Big Wiper doesn't have a heart attack! (I tend to derail).....hugging bunnies since 1969

PR: the series? Hmmm....whom to cast as "Bilgepump"? Brad Pitt? nah, too pretty...Colin Farrell? nah...too Irish...ummmmmm PeeWee Herman? Yeah, that sounds about right.

no problem, daphne! i really don't want the dolphins to get mad at me (i'm trying to stay on their good side) so maybe i'll start going with the Cottonelle, instead. i got it once and didn't mind it except for the fact that i didn't pay attention at the store and got one-ply. plus, i get coupons for it all the time.

and, for the PR tv show, i envision more of an informative, yet humorous reality-based show, along the lines of what you might see on Discovery or TLC. of course, that doesn't mean sitcom-type show wouldn't be great, too. and i think a poo-flinging monkey would be perfect!

Can you imagine a reality series based on PR? The cliques, the whispering, the fanning of farts, the noises...uh, who gets voted off the toilet...er island next.

Harr, harr.

I believe dave finally ran out of material.

If anyone likes this, you may want to try out the real forums . . .

As far as TP, I just got a 36 pack of Quilted Northern double rolls at Sam's Club. There was nowhere else to fit that much TP but the basement, but then my basement flooded and got the TP all wet. I'm pretty bummed out about that. Most of it should be OK, but it's still upsetting. My mass storage of TP is ruined!

It was funny when I was buying that TP at Sam's. The lady in line behind us was fighting very hard not to laugh her ass off at us. I thought, "Go ahead and laugh, lady. Who will be the one laughing when you run out of TP at your house and I still have 29 rolls left?"

You know what I love? A huge, satisfying dump.

AssBlaster2K, I get toilet paper at Sam's (when I'm out that way) too. I can't stand running out of T.P. and wipes. The grouchiness I get when we run out is worse than when I have PMS.
Needless to say, Mr. Fart Poopie likes to avoid it too.

OMG, AB2K! A 36-pack of TP! Now the truth comes out about you and Mr. Blaster! Never did I suspect that you two were mass-quantity consuming Coneheads! Mepps! Here, all this time, I thought you were from Pennsylvania, but now I see that you are both actually from Remulac--er...France! Mepps!

P.S. Sorry about all that soggy TP! You and Mr. Blaster will just have to go out and consume mass quantities of fermented yeast and hops liquid product with foam topping to drown your sorrows!

How about this for a topic? MAINTENANCE WIPES...like today, a few hours after my morning shit I felt a little gooey, so I went into the stall at work and wiped without actually shitting. There was some shit on the paper too.

Does anyone else do the "check wipe"?

TBW: Unfortunately, the beer got skunked when the beer fridge (also located in the basement) went bad on us a couple weeks ago. We got another fridge, and Mr. Blaster says the beer is drinkable, but I'm not sure about the beer or the basement. The beer was fortunately unaffected by the flood; the water was not very far from the fridge though.

I didn't say we consumed m(ass) quantities of TP. We use as much TP as anyone else, but we have bad habits of running out of it at thoroughly inopportune times, and we don't like to go shopping that often, but when we do we really fucking go shopping.

I like it because I could never get Mr. Blaster to go shopping with me, and I'd always have to pick everything out and lug groceries up the stairs and put them all away, but since we got our membership to Sam's Club, there must be something masculine about that store because Mr. Blaster is always itching to go.

Daph: If you don't derail a thread, I sure as hell will!!!!

Ok. TP. I like Quilted Northern because it is like Goldilocks' TP - soft but not too soft; I like rough TP and Mr. Blaster likes it soft so it works for both of us, and cheap but not too cheap, so mass quantities of it are affordable but it's not cheap enough to fall apart and give you the ol' finger-in-the-hineyhole surprise.

Pinworm: The poop in your ass after not pooping thing doesn't happen to me, but it does happen to my husband, who wipes good but he says his butt leaks. He thinks it's a man thing. I've caught him maintenance wiping.

And I'd hope we all do the check wipe.

AB2K--I've had the Sam's Club thing explained to me as 'buying in bulk.' Now, doesn't that sound like a guy thing?

Guy #1: Hey, man, let's take your pickup and get away from our ole ladies and burn rubber over to Sam's Club and buy the hell outta everything we can find for the next twelve Super Bowls!

Guy #2: Deal, dude! I've had a hankerin' for sixteen cans a' aerosol Cheez Whiz and a burlap bag a' Tostitos! Oh, and we can sling 48 big frozen Hungry Man TV dinners over our shoulders while we're at it!

Guy #1: Yeah, now that's what I call shoppin'! None a' that pickin' out a few things for the weekend! Let's shop for six months in case there's a nuclear war!
--------
P.S. Men like anything that suggests 'bulk.' Because there's more than one meaning for the word 'package.'

for a road trip, it is best to have a roll of tp in a zip lock bag (in case it is raining) and to stop by a stand of small trees. Place the tp (bag open on a twig of a nearby tree or shrub, grab a tree at least 5" and assume the position, clothing well out of range. Take a dump. Reach for the tp (nice and dry) wipe..wipe etc. carefuly pull yourself into the upright position. pull up pants. collect bag og tp. kick dust and leaves over bm. walk back to car with as much dignity as you can muster

Cool. Assblaster took all the pressure off of me.

Now I can say just what the hell I want. Which is.....I want to dump the Baltimore defense for my fantasy poopreport football team.

Ugh......hugging bunnies since 1969

Ok, been obsessed with the cast for PR: The Series for a whole day now, and this is what I have...
Dave-O----Jerry Seinfeld
Daphne----Angelina Jolie
Wonderpance----Salma Hayek
Di---------Jessica Alba (? not sure of the name)
The Big Wiper----John Rhys Davies
AB2K-------Sandra Bullock
Logjam-------Stone Phillips
Bilgepump-----the dork from Napoleon Dynamite
The Shit Volcano----Halle Berry
General Colon Pow-----Joe Pesci

If you got left off this list, its not an affront, I just haven't interacted with you yet.

first, to "yo yo": i don't feel you deserve a response, but i'm gonna anyway. dave doesn't run out of material. he gets most of it from readers who submit stories. also, if you bothered to read his introduction up there, you'd see that the only reason he didn't post a new story yesterday is because he was too busy. trust me, he has not, and probably will not ever run out of material. not as long as grown people still poop their pance!

i also buy large packs of TP, usually of at least 24 rolls. there are only two of us at my house, but i tend to use a lot as i have a small and/or overactive bladder, and i like to make sure i get it all when i wipe. it's just easier and more cost effective to buy mass amounts.

and i agree with mr. wiper when he says mr. ASSBLASTER2000 probably likes shopping at Sam's cuz of the "bulk" issue.

daphne, you should dump Baltimore. there are several defense teams available that are doing much better. might i suggest denver? their current score isn't as high as some, but they have one of the best D's in the league.

bilgepump, how did you come up with that cast?? not that i'm complaining. i'd be happy to have Salma Hayek portray me.

I have to respectfully disagree with your casting of me, Bilge. John Rhys Davies must weigh in somehwere around 275 to 300 lbs. Plus, he has dark hair and a beard.

I'm an in-shape redhead, although I realize that there just aren't that many red-headed actors around these days. Or ever, for that matter.

Who would I be comfortable in my part? Because of our strong jawlines and square heads, I'd say Kurt Russell.

Ms Pance, I figured since the ladies of PR are all beatiful, and bright and witty, at least on a computer screen, they deserve beautiful, bright, witty women to play them. TBW played by John Rhys Davies just seemed right, wise, classy, you know? Logjam is the eminent reporter, thus the dashing Stone Phillips, and me..well...lets just say it fits. As for the General, he seems kind of feisty, and I thought of Joe Pesci.

Now that I think about it, TBW could easily be played by Sean Connery as well, probably a better fit.

mr. wiper, the only person i can think of with a remote resemblance to you would be Conan O'Brien (and i mean that as a compliment, cuz i think he's cute). i think he'd have to tone it down quite a bit to play you, though. he's very goofy. and while you're funny and witty, his humor is just a bit more in-your-face. know what i mean? i think Kurt Russell would be cool. but i can't imagine him with red hair! David Caruso is a red-head, but he's also a douchebag.

and you make a good point, bilgey. except i wanna trade with daphne. Angelina Jolie is so hot.

TBW, I meant no disrespect, I just think John Rhys Davies is a total class act, much like yourself. I did amend it to Sean Connery, but obviously this must be wrong too...Kurt Russel, Patrick Swazye....ok, if you insist, but neither of them seem, at least in my eyes, to carry themselves with as much grace as the two I originally thought of.

oh, and Ms Pance, FYI, I think Salma Hayek is WAY hotter than Angelina Jolie :)

I work at thoroughbred horse race tracks as a director of the simulcast video feed. Our job is to cover the races of course, but also to show horses in the paddock and while they warm up on the track. Horses poop a lot. And you can tell when they are going to poop because they stick their tail straight up in the air so that the poop has a clear path to the ground. Like I said, horses poop a lot so it is not possible for us to do our job without getting an occasional "incident" on the air. But the camera guys know that I like to show it as much as possible, so they look for the horses that have just lifted their tail, and the camera op will say "dumpin'" over the headset to alert me. Horses' poop seems to have the same consistency every time. I guess maybe we should all eat hay. Occasionally, a cam op will focus on a fresh pile of poop lying on the track. If the weather is cool, there will be massive steam emitted. Of course, we can't intentionally put a closeup of that on the air, but we can preview it on the monitors in the production truck. Some of the crew gets grossed out, claiming that I have a poop fetish. But even some that tell me that continue to get the good poop shots, so I think they must enjoy it too.

That comment up there ^^^ by TurdyTreeAnaTurd is freakin funny! I get accused of having a poop fetish all the time. I always have to explain that it's the HUMOR I like, not smelling or seeing actual poop.

BTW, Uma would play me. Not Jessica.

Uma, Oprah, Oprah, Uma. Remember when Letterman did that the night he was Oscar emcee?

I do think horse poop is quite funny, but it's probably because I was in my high school marching band, and we always had to pay attention to where we stepped during parades.

Best line regarding horse poop, I think, was in 'Pretty Woman,' when Julia Roberts and Richard Gere went to the polo field, and the announcer asked all the patrons to smooth out any divots left behind. But to beware the steaming ones!

I always buy the Scott TP, only because I just can't resist the fact that there are like, 1000 sheets per roll! I must have a pretty non-sensitive backside because it really doesn't bug me too much. But when you're traveling, there is NOTHING like those little mini rolls of Charmin that fit in your pocket. Those were a lifesaver for me in Central America where most of the bathrooms were outhouses with no TP or public restrooms where you had to buy 3 squares of TP from the "TP lady" at the door for a QUARTER. Sorry, for me, 3 squares ain't cuttin' it. I use WAY more than that. I tread the line between just enough TP and way too much TP.

An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

I love Scott tissue, too. It's the only tissue that stands up to my heavy-duty sticky ass. All the other kinds of toilet paper I end up breaking through and getting poo on my fingers. Or worse, under my fingernails.

This open-forum thread gave me a thought (almost). How about we reverse the story-comments order for a while? First we get a collection of comments, and then someone has to submit the appropriate story to post on top of them.

Haha! That's a great idea. We'll do that next week.

I'm a Scott man, myself- been using it most of my life. I always finish up with an ass-wipe ("baby-wipe").

I can't understand the man who made the commentary that Scott "has bark in it", somewhere else on this site. Whoever that was must have gotten a Scott knock-off, because I have never once found bark in my Scott tissue.

I have been using Seventh Generation brand toilet paper latley. It is made of recycled paper, gotta do my part for the environment.
_______
Born to clog your bog, with a giant log.

Now I happen to know that recycled paper in general acquires a buff tone over time. You keep recycling it, it keeps getting dirtier looking. So, Seventh Generation TP must definitely have that pre-used look to it, environment or no. Heh.

They whiten this brand of TP (with out bleach somehow). They also claim that it is hypo alergenic. It is actually pretty good TP.
_______
Born to clog your bog, with a giant log.

Hey Bilge, ya gotta get some comic relief with someone being played by William Shatner. Who's the lucky stiff gonna be?