Are you saying that one can inhale the entire volume of a fart and when you exhale, it will be fresh clean air? I don't buy it.

I think Stankmark's statement is a physiological and molecular impossibility. The fart molecules spread rather quickly and voluminously at the point of origin. True, they don't travel a great distance, but the entire 'release' can't be vacuumed up that way. At least not by the human nose. Perhaps you could Hoover them up if you got out the vacuum cleaner pronto. Heh.

Yes it is physiologically possible. However, in order for the stink molecules to adhere to the hard cleft, the fartee would have to inhale at a volume ratio of 2828 parsecs to the square root of the surface barometric differential rendering the required nose size to be in the approximate range of a wart hog. Unlikely but no impossible.

Or attach a Hoover to his nose!!!

Why on Earth, would you not want some one to smell it?

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://groups.myspace.com/THECHURCHOFPOOP

Dubious at best, fart volume may not exceed lung capacity but the dissapation of the gas through layers of clothing would mean there was a significantly large area of gas than a nose was capable of inhaling.

Now might I suggest a method previously mentioned in Poopreport, follow this gentlemens insrtuction in reverse and substitute nose for mouth you may have a success http://www.poopreport.com/Stories/Content/licorice.html

Emissions = bigMaC^2

Surely the discerning fart jockey bent on retaining the anal aromas could attach a balloon securely to their rectal ring, thus containing all the joyous fumes.

They could then walk calmly from the room/amphitheatre/cockpit and inhale the noxious methane at a later date. Which brings me to another question: do the aromatic qualities of flatulative gas improve with age, as with a fine Merlot?

This reminds me of what my Father used to say:"Take deep breaths, it will go away faster"

If it was possible, who would want to smell his breath? Ew.
Well, this is definitely a weird concept............hugging bunnies since 1969

Stankmak wants his friends to understand, fellow poopreporters. We are PR and we are here to deliver.
Stank, we need to know a few details...
1. Can you truly consume all of your farts up your nose?
2. Have you never secretly delighted in seeing others gag from your fumage?
3. If you do inhale these noxious gases through your nasal passage, (A) Do the toxins remain and (B) Do you get "high" or feel any other ill reactions?

4.) Just how big IS your nose?

Sorry. Couldn't resist.

Di, feel free to kick my ass.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

I am a victim of secondhand stank.

Are we certain that Stankmak didn't simply "mak" a solecism? Or maybe he is really Big Butch ("Pull My Finger") McCavity (see my recent posts under "The Danger of Distinctive Shoes"), and he DOES have a nose the size of a wart hog!

What do you mean... an African or a European fart?

What? I don't know that! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

I think it's physically possible to retain and control the volume of an average fart..but not with the nose. You need a system that takes in bigger volumes in a shorter time...an outflow air vent could do it if you were close enough, or a vaccum cleaner..but the nose only takes in a few cubic meters at a time at maximum inhalation, a fart tends to expand into more than that after leaving the body.

I find that lighting the fart removes it's stinky properties. But be careful!

Why do farts smell so bad? So deaf people can enjoy them, too.

Dumpster, you cracked me up.

Again!

We do that to each other, somehow, don't we? Chemistry, I guess. As Flip Wilson used to say, "when you're hot, you're hot; and when you're not, you're not."

Dumpster, Flip Wilson really brings back the memories, somehow I picture you as an older more sophisticated Geraldine.

OK...I learned something...no wonder I never get laid....I thought it was the "dutch oven" treatment...

Asphincter says WHAT...(!)

No, Bunga, I think Sam is the one on this site who goes around in a dress. I am more like an "older more sophisticated" Archie Bunker.

I would never be stingy with my farts. My parents taught me to share.

No one likes a selfish farter.

Stankmak is lying, unless he's got a balloon and small piece of hose attached to his ass. Either way, you'd notice a bulge in the back. One might understand a bulge in the front of a gentleman's britches, but in the back?

Bunga ("Car #2, Where Are You?") Din writes: "Dumpster, Flip Wilson really brings back the memories, somehow I picture you as an older more sophisticated Geraldine."

No, Bunga, I don't look like Geraldine. I finally broke down and posted a picture of my now ex-girlfriend, Hermione, and me on the forums, just so you lesser types will know what a stud muffin I really am.

You don't look like Geraldine at ALL. You are studly in your photo (even with the "good ole boy" hat). I knew that avatar didn't do you justice!

How do you know which one is Dumpster and which one is Hermione?

Anyway, there is another layer to the Dumpster enigma. Inquiring minds may wish to look at this (read down to about the eighth post and follow the link).

Quite true, Dumpster. I don't know which is which (although you did state ex girl friend.

Or may, be just maybe, you and the guvnah have more in common than we know.

OR maybe, you're like one of the main hands that worked on my Daddy's and Uncle's spread. He cut out from the Sear's catalog a picture of a woman modeling underwear and tried to tell some of the other hands that it was his girlfriend and used a pic of an acquaintance. We don't know. But who cares? We adore ya, anyway.

Well, Dumpster has decided to let it all hang out in The Park City Diaries, so go there if you have nothing better to do!

Interesting stuff, Dumpster, but I think the diaries are incomplete....? Or, are you just saving content for your memoirs?

A work in progress, Bunghole. Please DOO come again!

You would have to have a pretty big, and powerful nose to accomplish this.

I just don't buy this one.

The Dumpster (2225) -- 01.30.2006
Why do farts smell so bad? So deaf people can enjoy them, too.

You kill me Dumpster, very original. I'll have to remember this one.
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Watch out for the deadly F4, though he's been gone since '53, he will be back.

Did any of you watch the mythbusters where they tried lighting the smelly chemicals in a fart to get rid of the smell. It turns out that none of those chemicals are flamable.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Students raise a stink at PU.

Dateline: 12/15/06, West Lafayette, Indiana, Purdue University

Written by; Mit Verheegen, Independent Correspondent

A disturbing new practice that is gaining momentum on today’s college campuses was brought to light recently in West Lafayette, Indiana, when a female student there was taken to a local hospital emergency room for treatment of a head wound.

She had been at a “gassing party”. As sick as it may seem, students all over the USA have discovered that inhaling one another’s farts can administer a potent buzz due to the methane content of the expulsion. The young female student’s head wound was not life threatening, but the incident shed light on the growing trend of gassing. The girl was apparently at a gassing party where she was about to indulge in her 15th “hit”, when she passed out, slamming her head against a statue of Danforth Quayle that stood in the hall of the frat house where the smelly party took place. The hospital staff dressed her wound, rinsed her mouth and had her sent home.

While he thought of inhaling an expulsion from another’s butt may be appalling to many, a check around campus found that ill attitudes about Gassing are in the minority.

I spoke to many students that shared their views on Gassing with me. Many of them had the same spin on the new craze: “Pot is expensive, booze is hard to get, and you can’t get arrested for sniffing a fart”. “The high is incredible” said one leather clad co-ed. “I can’t get enough of it”.

The local White Castle restaurant has seen an increase of sales on weekends because of this new trend. Manager Cody Boxell said that his store’s sales have reached an all time high, especially on the weekends when the Gassing parties take place.
“They come in droves and buy Crave Cases 6 or 8 at a time. That’s when we know there will be another gassing party. I call the campus police right away”.

Students have been known to seek out foods that will produce a large volume of gas for the least amount of money. The local grocery stores have seen an increase in canned refried bean sales as a result. Aldi food store manager Bunny Sander told me “ I hate these little bastards. If they buy gassy stuff like beans I call the authorities as soon as they leave my store”! “ I want ‘em to know that something bad is gonna’ happen”.

While conducting interviews with “Gassing aficionados” I learned some of the jargon they use in their hobby. Terms like: a wet betty, squeezer, corn slapper, splatter, cluster-bee, super cluster-bee, cheek-smacker, bare-back, fog horn, and tubing-it.

The normal mode of inhalation is administered by using a toilet paper tube (tubing-it), and the hardcore huffers go mouth to source (bare-back), but only after a good shower, or so I was told.

One student told me that “the high is great but the smell is pretty bad”. Another stated “It’s not too bad with the tube but bare backing with another guy is just gay”.

A recent check with the local hospitals showed that 23 people have been treated for Gassing-related injuries. A staff hospital member confided in me that at least 2 or 3 of the patients were Purdue professors who wished to remain anonymous. He said “I can understand students experimenting, I mean, what the hell, we all did stupid stuff when we were kids. But when I seen these teachers being brought in here, passed out and stinking like an out-house I really felt sick. The one woman teacher had a stain on her face that made me gag. I told my boss that the whole thing stinks and if it keeps up I’m gonna’ quit and get a job somewhere else”.

The abovegoing post had to have had the original dateline of April Fool's Day. Pretty cleverly written, though.

Nope. The farts I drop pre-dump and during a dump are too rank to absorb with nose power. Wouldn't work for me. Sorry, can't buy this.

I really love the concept. But uh-uh. not posiible.

DungDaddy, what precisely do you love about the concept? Just wondering. Can you elaborate?

As a former engineering and physics major, it would seem possible. The main issue is available space. As long as the volume of the fart was less than the volume of the lungs, it concievably could be done. Of course, one's nose would have to make an air-tight connection to their anus. Considering the difference in the shapes of the nose and the anus, a seal between the two just wouldn't be possible. Your sphincter is circular but your nose isn't. In fact, the only part of the anatomy that below the nose and closely matches the shape of the anus would be the neck.

Yes, it would have to be that. So, Stankmaster would have to probably liberally apply vaseline all over his head, bend over, place the lubricated top of his head against his sphincter and, lastly, push upwards until the sphincter is firmly wrapped around his neck. Only then would it be safe to fart and inhale without any gas escaping.

In short, if you want to completely inhale your own farts, then your head must be firmly up your ass.

my boyfriend says that when he guts an animal after hunting, his farts will smell like that animal's entrails for the next couple days. he believes that during the gutting process he inhales the scent molecules of the animal and they are released in his farts. what are your thoughts?

poopie pants wrote:what are your thoughts?

Well...let's see. Sometimes, I have wicked thoughts of cat homicide...sometimes I think about how the gravitational pull of the infinite number of black holes in the universe directly or indirectly affects my bowel movements, every once in a great while, I wonder what kind of experience I would have tweezing all the butt hair off of Dumpster's ass. Oh, and then, this one time, I thought about having a spinach salad, but I didn't, I had salmon loaf instead.

Wooooooow, that's pretty sick dude! I think I could do it though - I'm a professional weedhead, so I think my lungs are developed enough to inhale my farts. Do you think that if you inhale all of a fart, that it will force your body to burp? Or maybe you'd just re-fart it back out. Sick, it would have twice the potency after that. It only seems natural though. I think you'd have to do it in one big breath though, no small puffs - y'know kinda like that game, Kirby's Dreamland, where he inhales all of his little enemies? Yeah, you'd have to inhale it like that. Oh, and to Deja Poo - I feel what you're saying but what if you like, trap the fart under the blanket with you or something first? Then you'd have like, a whole fart zone where you could inhale it without it like, escaping into the outside air and dissapating. Just a thought. =)
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Strippers Poop Too!

My thought is that "gut" is a gross word, and somewhat disrespectful of the animal that's been taken. I have no problem at all with hunting, but I believe there's a better term like "dressing" the kill, or something like that.
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Hey! Don't touch my wenis!

Are you serious?This really works?Just inhale,and the smell is gone?
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fartqueen

WTF would make you want to smell your own farts? Let em'rip for the enjoyment of others. Maybe a new category can go with Shameless Shitter; Shameless Farter. Hmm, not quite the same ring. I feel a mini-contest coming on to find a name (with a good ring to it) for Shamelss Fatring
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

I don't have the slightest idea what a "Shameless Fatring" is...and I believe in this instance, ignorance is bliss.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Sry, it was supposed to be farting, I have slight dsylexia.
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

GPT, please realize alot of my caustic comments were when you were very fresh, and really not doing much but making nonsense comments on ages old stories. Archiving old stories is great!!! Continue to do so, please, but as others have said, not everything requires, or even deserves, a comment. As for transposing a letter here or there, misspelling something, or your space bar issues, well, I'm NEVER guilty of theses infractions, therefore its my job to make fun of those that do. Oh wait...forget that last part, I saw what happened to the last guy that was perfect, and I want no part of that shit. I'm allergic to hand and foot spikes, and particularly so to spears in the ribs.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Okay Bilgepump,you are forgiven, because you made me laugh hysterically from your comment above, and I've figured out how things work around here. ( i know, took me awhile, again, sry about that)I have to cut off this comment here, because I've seen the titles of some of your old stories (which I'm sure are very deserving of comments) and I would like to go read them :D
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

And as I have said before, the space bar issues are no longer a problem, there was a piece of another key under the space bar. I think when I dropped my laptop that happened...:D
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!