A Spoonful Of Oil?

// // 25 Comments
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Perhaps you've ready Motherload's advice today to make sure you've got oil in your diet. This letter by GrandMasterCrap takes it one step further.

"I have found that certain foods promote a smooth and debris-free wiping experience. I recommend eating more fruit and fiber. Preferably more apples and bananas -- these seem to add a certain smooth quality to the release of a proud little pool splasher.

"Additionally, I would like to recommend that all of you dutiful crappers ingest one or two teaspoons of light, virgin olive oil. This will take away the burning, sticky peanut butter craps, which make for a very disappointing wipe encounter!"

PoopReporters, this sounds like a good experiment. Anyone willing to try? Tell us if you're doing it, and tell us what happens when it comes out.

25 Comments on "A Spoonful Of Oil?"

Anal About Poop's picture
l 100+ points
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My family has been doing that for years, but not on a daily basis. We only do it when we are going to eat something really spicy. It works great. The oil coats your stomach and you don't poop out magma the next day.

Bilgepump's picture
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In the interest of poopology, and PR, (and since it would seem that my creative thinking part of my brain has taken a leave of absence) I will offer up my 45 year old Bowflex body to this endeavor. How long a time frame are you looking at, Dave?

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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This is a very informal experiment. Eat your oil, tell us what happens. Not just Bilge -- everyone can play along.

The Big Wiper's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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So that's you that Chuck Norris is slave-driving on the Bowflex infomercial, Bilge?

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Hot Poop Sucks's picture
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My friend taught me this oil trick. I thought it was only supposed to be used when you had constipation. Poop comes out nice and smooth. I eat a lot of spicy foods, especially hot potato chips and it always burns my ass if I eat too many. I'll try it before my next bag.

ShitCity's picture
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Sounds like a plan for the next time I eat something that doesn't agree with me. :-D

GrandMasterCrap's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Well, i would like to thank the academy of masscrappers for this seasons nomination. I have been injesting small quantities of light virgin olive oil for several years now, and at the young age of 41, i must say that my joy of shitting regimin has maintained a level of consistency unmatched in time as i know it. kudos to those of you who will join me in the new era of stick free shitting!_______
GrandMasterCrap
"The Author of 'Crappiness is cool', available now online.

GrandMasterCrap
"The Author of 'Crappiness is cool', available now online.

Bilgepump's picture
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TBW wrote: The Big Wiper (2064) -- 04.05.2007

So that's you that Chuck Norris is slave-driving on the Bowflex infomercial, Bilge?

No, I got left on the cutting room floor...The 50 year old bowflex woman looked better than my almost invisible flabby ass.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

The Shit Volcano's picture
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For those of us without gallbladders, a spoonful of oil leads to a record liqishit in less than ten minutes. I guess the "amazing fat flush" isn't entirely gone, but at least it only happens with oil now.

_______
Behold! My new farting super power! BRAPP!!!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Bilgepump's picture
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Well, beginning with dinner last night, about 6:00 PST....nothing then, nothing special this morning, two wiper as usual, volume, time, consistency all no change.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points
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Is this only with olive oil? I have a bottle of roasted hazelnut oil. I could try it with that for a day or two.

Non Polar Pooper's picture
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I have been reading the stories on this site for a few years now, and I finally have a contribution. I had my gallbladder out. But before I did, I tried to keep it, in an attempt to avoid surgery, and for the lack of belief that my gallbladder was really the problem. I tried this oil thing, as it was supposed to be a "natural remedy" to gallbladder problems. The only difference is, I was told to drink not a spoonful, but to FAST and drink a whole entire CUP. Now that doesn’t sound too bad if it were a cup of milk, cup of coffee, cup of ANYTHING but oil. However, I wasn’t drinking either coffee or milk at that point; they both woke up the Gallbladder Monster. But I did choke down the oil, right before bed as directed. I was then told to sleep on my right side to “float” the gallstones out of my “diseased” gallbladder. It was halfway thru the night, and I woke up burping oil. Yes fellow poopers, if you are looking for a joke to play on someone, dare them to do this! But don’t expect them to ever forgive you for this evilness. So, I made it to about 5AM, and was absolutely nauseated. I was told to drink coke, or lemon juice to make this feeling subside. Simultaneously to puking, I felt the urge to “drop a**”. So, I sat on my throne, grabbed the barf bucket (ie; trash can) and exploded an oily mess out both ends. Yes, the oil works. It works just fine. There was no stickiness, no burning, nothing but pure lubed up poo, and an oily gut wrenching splatter of yak. As for the results of the oil, I was able to go 4 wonderful months without any gallbladder problems. I actually forgot all about my diagnosis, until I felt the urge to make my family a feast of corned beef. It was that meal that did me in, with the most painful gas and gallbladder attacks ever. I gave in, and called to schedule the surgery. But that is a whole other story. Hope you get a good laugh at my expense!! To this day, I can not look at oil in the same way. The stench of Goya Extra Virgin Olive Oil haunts my nasal passages. My stomach aches and my sphincter cringes at the memory of this torture.

-Non-Polar Pooper

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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I've been using olive oil to make homemade salad dressing for years now.

I would say to toss my salad with, but thanks to Dave Chapelle, that's no longer possible.

Anyhoo, decent vegetable oil, like olive or flaxseed, always has helped me in the poop department. That and bourbon.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

The Shit Volcano's picture
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The above poster (not Daphne) makes me glad that I didn't have stones. The moral of this story: I'm sorry, there is "natural" remedy for fixing a gallbladder once it's broken. Get the surgery and you'll be a whole lot happier.

The spoonful of oil thing didn't have the same affect today as it had yesterday. However, time will only tell. Will I have a million wiper or a smooth flowing bowel?

_______
Behold! My new farting super power! BRAPP!!!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

shitwit's picture
k 500+ points
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Since I've been admitted to the hemmorhoid club I'll gladly do anything to make the poops come out smoothly and wipe easily. I'll be sure to have a nice big salad for lunch today with lots of EVOO to grease up the chute!

_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Bilgepump's picture
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Hmmm...haven't noticed anything yet, except I'm getting damn tired of olive oil at every meal.

(oatmeal and 2 teaspoons of oil this morning...yuck)

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Non Polar Pooper's picture
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Yes, I had the surgery last November. I am much better now. I do still have some "ghost" pains though, but those are subsiding. I highly recommend anyone comtemplating it to go ahead and get it over with!! - Non Polar Pooper

The Shit Volcano's picture
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Nope, spoonful of oil had a delayed reaction today. I just squirted out a buttload of greenbeans from last night that are now brownbeans. Well, at least there was no strain on my asshole.

P.S. NPP, I'm glad I'm not the only one with "ghost pains". Glad to hear they eventually go away.

_______
Behold! My new farting super power! BRAPP!!!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

PoopySmurf's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Of course, you can ingest your oil in a much more enjoyable fashion, e.g. a three-piece dinner from Popeye's!

Non Polar Pooper's picture
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Shit Volcano - how long has your gallbladder been out?

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points
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Olive oil raises hell with my bowels. I get the messiest, stickiest poos that I have ever had on olive oil (I'm sure beer playes a role too".

I have to use TLC with the Extra V.
_______
"Thunder in March betokens a fruitfull year" .Or is it "Thunder in March, frost in June"?

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

clapper the crapper's picture
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extra virgin olive oil works a treat. two large spoons on an empty stomach(you do gag though) makes me pooh like ive never pooed before 20 years of constapation now eased.

Clay Achin's picture
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I've been using lots of EVO for the last three weeks and let me tell ya...IT IS AWESOME!!! I was having what I refer to as Clay Achin shits. Hard, Clay like and hurts like hell. After having a bout with severe constipation, hemroids and anal fissures I changed my diet. Nothing has made more of a change than Olive Oil. It makes my turds come out slick as vasoline. In fact, the last one looked like a brown grease mountain built around butterbean and corn boulders!!! Felt so good too!!!

On another note, using with lots of herbs makes my poop smell like Original recipe on woodchips.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I ate olive oil and I pooped and I didn't even have to wipe so now I never wipe! Olive oil is the best!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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AC....You need to hold to the straight and narrow path, if you and your olive oil greased butthole ever end up in a cell with a 300 lb Bubba you may be in trouble.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!