Alcohol And Squirts?

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Dear Poopreport,

Why is crap so watery and fluid-like after a night of drinking? Bud mud or beer shit. Southern Comfort will really twist up your guts -- sometimes I use almost an entire roll of paper. Should I stop drinking or eat more fiber?

-- Insane Wayne



The answer is relatively straightforward: Alcohol is a toxin, and is toxic to the human body in even moderate amounts.

While we may have a few drinks and not feel anything, our body certainly takes notice of the alcohol. Alcohol is toxic to any area of the body that it touches -- from the point where it comes in contact with the oral cavity and is swallowed, down the esophagus, and into the stomach, alcohol is poisonous to cells and tissues of these parts of the digestive system.

The absorption of alcohol begins in the stomach and continues in the small intestine, where the bulk of the alcohol is absorbed. As the intestinal cells absorb the alcohol, the toxicity causes these cells to lose their ability to absorb water, and some cells even die. The cell injury and death leads to an outpouring of fluid from the intestinal lining, which is in turn poorly absorbed.

The end result is large volume secretory diarrhea. The diarrhea usually lasts for several hours until the alcohol is detoxified and removed from the digestive system.

Diarrhea after the consumption of alcohol is not a universal side effect. Many of us who drink do not have episodes of diarrhea afterwards. Why this occurs in some and not others is most likely related to the sensitivity of our individual digestive systems to alcohol, along with the amount of alcohol consumed. Furthermore, other kinds of food and drink can certainly cause and/or worsen diarrhea that was already caused by alcohol.

Does this mean we should never drink alcohol? No. Alcohol has been shown to have many beneficial effects throughout our bodies. However, I want to emphasize that alcohol is toxic -- it kills millions of people in the world every year, and should be consumed in small amounts with responsibility, moderation, and respect. Even by PoopReporters.

Best wishes,

Dr. Adams

Dr. Adams is a resident in the Department of Internal Medicine at North Shore University Hopsital in Manhasset, NY. Got a question for him?

258 Comments on "Alcohol And Squirts?"

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Several people have brought up the concerns for light to moderate drinking and sudden onset of problems.

I had this happen myself around 27, and while I first thought my drinking had fucked my liver but, it turned out that after diagnostic testing I had an auto-immune problem called celiac disease.

Its caused by an intolerance to wheat/barely/rye. So if I just have a beer or two (sometimes also grain alcohol) it can quickly cause me to get abdominal pains and squirts. No one wants to have squirts when they are trying to pick up chicks at the club or have to sit on some nasty bar toilet during an eruption.

So now I mostly drink rums and wine, and I had generally felt better. Except over the last 6 months, while I've been in the middle east it has been harder to know the ingredients in my food, so when I accidentally eat food that contains the problem ingredients I tend to know it a few hours later...

Luke The Shitter's picture
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Everytime I go out I literally have a Beeriod the next day, and I only stick to vodka and cider as the taste of most Beers/Lagers don't really agree with my taste buds. But yeah anyway been shitting my guts out after each drinking session for the last 2 years now, and not fussed by it one bit. In fact I think to myself, this is my bodies way of a natural detox of a hard night getting wasted :D

Liquor Legend's picture
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So how many drinks would you consume on an average night on the liquor?? I have approximately 30 shots of scotch or bourbon, usually over about 8 hours. Is this average?? :-s

Lillia's picture
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Okay, last night, I was sitting sipping on a rum and coke, and my belly started to hurt, so I got some bread to munch on, to help absorb the drink, but instead of feeling better my nausea got worse, and later when I got home I started to puke, and then later in the night I got really bad Diarrhea, my belly is feeling better, but the Diarrhea has gotten worse, and is not mostly water and is yellow, and really burns when it comes out. This has never happened to me before after drinking. What do I do.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Perfect answer for sufferers like me.Thanks a lot

Rusty Sherrif's Badge's picture
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Shit hot info! Actually, it's both informative and entertaining. I'm English, and live in Japan, where Guinness costs a shit load, so to speak. Therefore I drink Shochu which is made from either wheat, (which was all I could afford of late) or sweet potatoes, (more costly, but healthier).

Until I found this site, I was, to coin a phrase, "Shitting bricks," though not litterally, hence the concern this morning when my lower abdomen started burning like hell.

I've always been a heavy drinker, due in the main to the fact that English male culture demands that to be a 'Real' man, you must be able to drink your own weight in booze. Being smaller than most I rather over did it each and every time, resulting in the state I found myself in today, i.e, feeling like shit!

I find loss of appetite the worst thing, which I would venture is a reason why everything comes out at the South Pole volcano at a point in time not soon after chugging it down.

The old way used to be to down a pint of milk before a night out on the pop to line your stomach, but I can't stand the stuff. I tend to lean towards eating something heavy though, like pasta, as someone else suggested earlier.

On a final note, although I find the language on here direct and to the point, (regarding all things brown, smelly and runny) I would like to suggest a few alternatives that in my time spent between these threads and time spent driving the porcelain truck, popped into my head.

For runny ones:

The trotts, (all old English slang) the runs, the squits, spraying mud, throwing mud, a pan splatter.

Alternatives:

(Created in moments when my gutts were bubbling,) Freckles on M.J's face, weapons of ass destruction, Southern grosspitality, the Cannonball Runs (starring Sqirt Reynolds), Star Speks (starring William Shat ner), I Know What You Skid Last Summer (starring Jennifer Love Phew Shit), Charlie's Chocolate Factory V.S Independence Day, A River Runs Through It (You guessed it, Bradd ****), 28 Sprays Later.
And last but not least, Days of Thunder Tom Cruise's character was named Cole Trickle, which with a bit of immagination can stretch t Coal Tricke, for the black mass exodus's mentioned by other users earlier in the thread.

Anyway, cheers, RSB.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Liquor Legend: I think thou dost brag too much. 30 shots in 8 hours would, in a 250-pound male, result in a blood alcohol level of .42, a level that would be fatal for a little more than half of all people.
There are some very heavy drinkers who could survive that much, but they'd require some really serious medical support.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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AC....I am not bragging but I had no problem, during my heavy drinking years, matching or exceeding the intake of Liquor Legend. In less than eight hours I could easily polish off a liter of 86 proof bourbon. I still drink, but not near as much. I weighed in at 255 then, required no medical support, and have just celebrated birthday No. 69.


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Dirty old men need love too!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
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Chief, when you give a blood sample, do they put one of those little umbrellas in it?

long time sufferer's picture
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This started happening to me probably 10 years ago after drinking Jacks and coke for 4 years heavily on weekends. I switched to wine and beer to alleviate the severity of it, but its just as f**ked in the end.
I have cut back to once a week, but still got the bloody problem the next day. Yes I should give it up totally, but I love a drink.
Surely one night a week can be ok. Can you take vitamins or something to line the stomach???

PooCanon's picture
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Lucky bastards, I just started drinking at 19, and I have these symptoms.
There goes the beginning and end of my drinking career. =(

dOokie butt's picture
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I hardly ever drink and a couple nights ago I had a couple drinks but later that night I woke up about an hour after I had fell asleep with the worst dooky runs. I was pretty sobered up before I went to bed but I woke up feeling horrible. I felt hot all over, crazy tummy cramps and felt like I was going to pass out. I yacked into a bucket while I was sitting on the toilette. I am also Asian and get that "Asian glow" even after one shot depending on what I'm drinking but never experience dooky runs until recently.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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Dear dOokie butt, What kind of snacks did you have with your drinks? What you describe sounds more like food poisoning than anything else. Of course if you are understating the amount you drank (couple of drinks?) you could just have been victimized by a hangover.


_______
Dirty old men need love too!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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ok after reading up here i'm happy to know that i'm not gonna die even tho it feels like it. for the past 16 hours my gut didn't want to take up any water, I either watery yellow goop shat it out or vomited. I partied heavily for 2 days drinking loads of alc

They Took our Jobs's picture
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I still hate that I have the beer farts and the watery stools after having about 4-6 beer's a night during the weekend. I was glad that I wasn't the only one that had the soft poo after a night of relaxation and enjoyment.

Queen La-shita's picture
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I am 47 yr old woman. I love my 151 proof bacardi. I have watery shits the next morning. Damn, not only has the price of gas gone up but the price of toilet paper too. Being in the medical field, the cause is pancreatic insufficiency, added water to the bowel to remove the toxin. Because it moves so fast through our gut, the bile which adds brown color (pigment) to our stool is eliminated so our stools are pale, yellow, clay like. Happy crapping folks!

poopooking's picture
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Every time I drink 4 beers the day after I have a rotten shit...last night 4 Stellas, today 8 Carlsberg exports and I have had 3 rotten shits.
I don't feel drunk, more concerned.
In someways flushing the junk out feels great, but 3 in 1 day wtf?

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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Dear poopooking, The answer to your conundrum is simple, if four beers loosens your bowels you should increase your consumption until you discover the number that locks your fig-hole. I would suggest that you drink at least twelve.


_______
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Wow, I never knew poo was so interesting!

Womp there it is!'s picture
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Thank you all for sharing your poop stories. Thanks doc for all the info! Im going back to the restroom now.

Anonymous's picture
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This is me as well! I could drink a mickey of vodka to myself in a night and not even a hangover... for some reason within the last six months or so, I have ONE drink and my morning is filled with shits. Damn.

Anonymous's picture
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I drink everynight...just beer about 6 32oz a night and have the shits every morning...an its yellow wondering what's going on?...been drinking everyday for 3 years.....I do drink a lot of water al day???

Anonymous's picture
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I cant drink any soft drink without feeling nausious that only started a month ago so I have been drinking malibu with orange juice to avoid being nausious n feeling like vomiting however I went out n had a few drinks last night probably had 12 in 6 hours and 2 500ml bottles of water n today I keep getting the desperate urge to run off to the loo I have had this all day would it also be associated with cysts I have never had this before I used to drink madori and lemmonade and I used to be able to have heaps more than that im 21 soon and I want to have a good 2st and not have this what can I do. I normally only drink once a week but once in a blue moon I have a big drink with the girls. Would taking gastro stop work or would that just make it worse as I have the curdling stomache

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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A word to the wise would be "doctor" you say you get an urge to visit the loo but you don't say whether or not these trips are productive. My brother-in-law had the feeling of an impending poo quite often but didn't produce one. When he finally went to the doctor it turned out that he had colon cancer. Two surgeries and several years later he is fine.

Don't delay, see a doctor today. Our pooping mechanism is vital for good health and we should heed all the warnings it gives us.

Good luck.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous's picture
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We call it the AGB. After Grog Bog. Blech.

Anonymous's picture
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Hehe.

Lovely haiku.

Anonymous's picture
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C.

If you only drink a few times a year, why are you thinking that getting your body 'more used to drinking' is any kind of solution?

If you don't drink but a few times a year you're doing something right. No need to try to 'get your body used to it.' Heavy drinking should be seen as a rare (and dubious) treat, not as something to aspire to do more often.

Trust me on this.

Anonymous's picture
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yeah buddy!

aussie?

Anonymous's picture
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Gear Dr., I had a bleeding stool today morning. I think this was the 2nd episode in a year. Do you think it is connected to colon cancer or some liver dysfunction? (I drink daily about 120ml-180ml of alcohol everyday. I smoke about 15 cigarettes a day.)- Tks, Veekay.

Anonymous's picture
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Porn stars use skin bleach that the black folks put on scars to make their "brown star" pretty n pink again.

Anonymous's picture
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My buddy has this diahreah issue. He steals my super tampons and inserts them in his rectum so he can go out to the bars worry free. He refers to them as "manpons."

Anonymous's picture
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Quite simply you are sterilizing your entire gut. Its like rinsing your colon with hand sanitizer leaving an ecological niche open for anything and every type of microbe to grow in its place. This would account for the variety of stench, textures and colors you're all experiencing. You could spend a fortune on probiotics to replenish your gut with good bacteria, but if you're determined to go guzzle again the next day (and re-sterilize), then you are literally flushing your money down the potty!

Anonymous's picture
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In Islam, it's religiously prohibited to drink alcohol. Yes, Islam admits that, alcohol has some benefits but its harm is more. I love Islam.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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In Islam it is also not accepted to use drugs for the same reason as one uses alcohol (like cocaine and heroine). And yet the Taliban funds its war with the money it earns from growing and selling the opiates its constituents gather from poppy fields.

I am confused by and wary of religion at my ripe old age and will just stick to the motto to be nice to people.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Anonymous's picture
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that's nice. Many would argue that islam is far more toxic to humans than alcohol

Anonymous's picture
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I am reading this as I sit on the toilet....man screw chocovine!!! I had absolutely the worst Christmas ever because of that shit!! Ugh when will the butt mud stop?! X'-(

Anonymous's picture
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It is awful! I drank quite a lot last night and went to sleep to wake up after two hours not knowing which end I should face toward the toilet. I thought maybe I picked up a bug but I'm pretty sure it was just the alcohol. I ended up napping on the bathroom floor. ha.

Anonymous's picture
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Firstly the Taliban is a radical Islamic movement and doesn't represent the majority of Muslim culture. Secondly, they never have and because of their beliefs never will endorse the cultivation of mind altering substances. Their 'being funded by opiates' is a broad and inaccurate statement. America and other countries/businesses recognized the middle east's ability to produce large amounts of opiates. So large opium farms were started to produce things like morphine for pharmaceutical companies (little known fact is that over 80% of opiate based drugs in the U.S. come from the middle east; pharmaceutical companies have to get it from somewhere). The Taliban lashed out, not wanting their land to be used in this way and these mind altering drugs grown in their neighborhoods. The Taliban has robbed and pillaged these area's; this is why they are sometimes said to be funded by drug money = money they stole from the real drug dealers, the Pharmaceutical companies!

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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I disagree completely. My statement may be broad, but it is nowhere near inaccurate, and your claim that the Taliban members fight its use for addiction is downright naive.

In Afghanistan the opiate trade is mostly controlled by the Taliban, and the opiate (poppy) farmers are either friendly with Taliban members or are forcefully controlled by them. Your remark that the United States purchases opiates from Afghanistan only proves my point instead of negating it; the Taliban supports its war with drug money. But the Taliban sells much of its opiates to Russia through Kazakhstan to its north. The Russian mafia uses these opiates to enslave prostitutes and keep drug addicts coming back for more, and we are talking billions of dollars worth.

And area's should be areas. You don't need an apostrophe in that word. It is just a normal plural word.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Anonymous's picture
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That's great. No one gives a fuck.

Anonymous's picture
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You're probably dying because you're an alcoholic.

Anonymous's picture
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After doing research on what excessive alcohol drinking could do to my colon I found that many drinkers went through the same painful process of healing and time on the toilet. After a week of binge drinking. I laid off the heavy stuff like vodka after spending horrible hour just spewing that toxic evil poo out.

Really I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemies. It's that bad. I'd rather stay home and tough it out before going to work. Even if riding the bus is a excruciating ordeal.

When I made a short trip to the store I had all the public bathrooms planned out. I have missed an important appointment to just get out of the bus early to frantically look for nearest bathroom.

It's painfully impossible to just hold it in. Just decided to fuck drinking once for all before I turn 40. Its' just not worth it, dealing with the usual pains after week of drinking.

I had a friend and relative to die from alcohol poisoning and I sure don't want to be next. I have a family who need me and I hope you think about your family before you decide to drink heavily. It's really not worth it. Now I have a week of healing of my body to do

Take care and "peace!"

Anonymous's picture
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Or should you say, haipoo?

Anonymous's picture
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You love islam huh?

You're a fucking idiot, you love a religion that teaches if you accidentally piss yourself you'll go to hell.

As stated earlier, you're a fucking idiot.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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Right you are Anonymous. It is much better to put your trust in a religion that makes only intelligent rules to follow, like;

Don't wear clothes made of wool and linen woven together, Deuteronomy 22:11 (Our ancestors called this woolsey linsey and wore the hell out of it.)

Did you know that according to Leviticus 25:39 A father has the right to sell his daughter into slavery?

“If a man commits adultery with the wife of his neighbor, both the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death." I don't think we follow this holy admonishment anymore.

In my opinion all religions, not just Islam, are fucked up and the world would be a far better place without them.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous's picture
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I'm surprised no one has suggested Pepto. Pepto will cure your tum of the green apple splatters.

Anonymous's picture
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Alcohol also prevents your collecting duct from releasing an ADH called vasopressin. Vassopressin us a hormone that triggers your kidney to absorb water in the case of dehydration. This explains why you have to pee frequent and in large quantity while drinking. Now with all that being said and accurate my theory is when you're dehydrated you don't absorb enough electrolytes which can be linked to an imbalance in your colon causing beer shits. Boom!

Anonymous's picture
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Alcohol is a large cause of diarrhea, it causes the GI tract to speed up. I'll put this in simple terms,alcohol is like pouring poison down your throat and yes I drink as well.

The GI tract loses its covering as it burns off which causes inflammation and spasms which leads to the runs. A couple of quick thoughts, bright red blood in your stools with itching could be the hemmies, dark red blood is more serious and coming from further up the GI tract, go and have the tubes up the bum and down the tummy.

If you get green or yellow poop only for a day or so, it could be what you ate, if it continues infection so doctors, Black poop for more than a day could be old blood same tests as for blood or as for a fecal occult test.Clear watery poop with streaky blood is usually after a big episode of the runs,is common it's you pooping out your tummy lining. It should stop. If it doesn't it's doctor time.

Large amounts of blood pooping out like water for more than a few hours get to a hospital as you could bleed to death FACT and that needs urgent help.The causes of GI problems are many and varied so don't be a sook, if you think you need help go to a doctor remember even doctors poop as well so they understand.