asscrackitis: chapped, cracking ass

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j 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Ali asks:

The last few months I've had a very strange and painful problem. No one I've asked has ever had this problem, so I'm looking to you people here to help me. For the last few months my ass crack has been chapped. The crack itself is very red and quite painful, and looks like the cracking you get on the sides of your mouth if your lips are extremely chapped. I have not changed my wiping habbits -- I use the damp Cottonelle wipes. I've been putting Neosporin with lidocaine on my crack and that makes it feel better but the problem isn't going away. Please help -- I need ass crack relief!





Dear Ali,

For starters, I can assure you of two things: Asscrackitis (the medical term for an irritated or inflamed ass crack), is generally NOT sexually transmitted, nor is it likely to be fatal. I realize that neither of these facts has anything to do with your concerns, but thought I would sound more professional making this sort of pronouncement right off the bat.

First, discard your thong underwear, if applicable. (Alternatively, you can boil them for one hour and then soak them in a gallon of bleach, but I would just throw them out). Thong-wearing is the #1 cause of Asscrackitis. Boiling and bleaching really has nothing helpful to contribute to your problem, but I suggested it only to encourage you to stop wearing them. Fabric wedged up your ass crack can't be helping the problem.

Next, are you using some new type of soap, body wash, detergent, or Brillo pads on your crack? I would recommend switching to some bland, non-irritating cleanser, such as Ivory soap, for a while. Don't overwash your crack, either. Be sure you let it dry well.

Wear plain old cotton underpants for a while. No leather or rubber underwear or pants. Let your crack breathe, as God intended.

Stop with the Neosporin if it isn't helping. Get a mild hydrocortisone (1%) cream at the drugstore, and apply it sparingly to your spanking clean, dry ass crack twice a day.

Don't use those premoistened wipes for a while. They usually have some alcohol in them, which could be either over-drying your crack or irritating it. Alcohol is for drinking, not for wiping.

If you are not improved within two weeks, or if your Asscrackitis is getting worse while you are doing these things, for God's sake go show your ass to a real doctor.

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?












206 Comments on "asscrackitis: chapped, cracking ass"

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I got a bad case of Asscrackitis during a trip to Mount Rainier one fall. It was caused by sitting for long periods of time with a sweaty period blotter. The only way I was able to cure it was to sleep in the nude for several days so that my ass could get some air. That, and I kept it dry.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Pooper's picture
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I get asscrackitis every winter. The dry air gives me dry skin, and of course that includes my crack. For some reason my crack seems to get it worse than any other part of my body. I just put some mosturizing lotion on there a couple times a day and that helps, although it doesn't go away until spring (and higher humidity) comes.

Craptacular's picture
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I also get asscrackitis from time to time. I get it from walking a lot at my place of work. My ass gets "broke" if I use that cheap TP they provide. Walking with asscrackitis is horrible. It feels like a burr or pinecone is stuck between my ass cheeks. I try to cure it by applying lotion to my butt cheeks. It generally goes away after a few days.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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The other day I was embarassed because I actually got a fungal infection down there. My asscrack was bright red and smelled like moldy bread. Ew!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

redcrack's picture
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I too suffer from asscrackitis. It starts out as a dull pain then persists into a cracked ass crack. It is super painful and goes away in a couple days for me. I feel sorry for those who get it all winter. One time it wasn't split yet and then I squat down and the pain that insued nearly made me cry. For some reason I always want to touch it to see how its doing and that probably makes it worse. I'm glad I stumbled across this little string of pooreports. I thought I was the only sufferer of asscrackitis. And as for the The Shit Volcano's moldy bread smell.... I think your asscrackitis has turned into soomething much much worse. Good luck with that.

Recovering Asscrackitiis Victim's picture
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I am currently (well recovering) from Asscrackitis. I got mine yesterday evening (Tuesday) when I went for a 3 mile run. Last night it wasn't too bad, but when I work up this morning....ouch. I used vaseline because that's all I could find and that was a temporary relief. My cousin once recommended Chap-Stick and that does work for mild cases, but mine is bad. To top it off, I'm a teacher so I have to walk around all day in front of students. The best treatment I found was a body powder (Gold Bond) or just regular old corn starch...DON'T USE BABY POWDER (NOT GOOD). I have never had luck with any creams. After work today i picked up some powder and now it's gone. If the creams don't work for you, like they don't work for me, try Gold Bond or Corn Starch...they are far more effective in my experience. I know what your thinking, they may overdry the area and cause more chaffing. Asscrackitis is a cause of moisture that isn't able to breath so it makes your skin pruney (sp?), just like your fingers after sitting in a bath tub too long. The problem worsens when you apply a cream because you're block in the moisture. Generally speaking, creams like to stick together and your cheaks will stick and not breath. Take it from me, I'm Asscrackitis free!

Jasmine's picture
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My friend Kayla has a terrible case of asscrackitis. She complains all the time that her ass hurts! I feel bad , I pray for it to go away. I sometimes have to wash or put ontment on her ass for her. Sometimes I watch her ass jiggle and the flakes fall all over, I try and eat them...they arouse me. We should start a fundraiser for Asscrackitis.

Former Asscrackitis Virgin's picture
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About a week ago I wore a thong to go fishing in very hot weather. I had white pants on so there was no other choice! (As if wearing white pants fishing wasn't dumb enough.) In any case, I got a bad case of asscrackitis. It was fine that day, but the next day my butt was bad news! The creams worked for a while, but I think they started to make it worse after a few days. Sleeping naked and airing out worked best for me. I am happy to annouce my crack is feeling much better now.

beaver's picture
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dear ass expertis.
just a few minutes ago i walked in on a barium filled ass chamber smiling a very disconcerting grin and winking at me, im kinda nervous. should i pray for rain?

Not alone anymore!'s picture
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Omg, y'all have no idea how much you've helped me. I just recently came down with a case of asscrackitis and was horrified with the idea of something being wrong with my crack! I was so releaved to finally find that there are others out there like me! From reading your entries, I think mine must have come from a very sweaty game of mini-golf in jeans the other day. Any ideas on how to speed up recovery? I've been waddeling around feeling like I've got a razor blade in my crack, and I'm sure it's not appealing.

Seattle Assrackitus BF's picture
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My GF recently came down with the asskrackitus. I have been a once and a while sufferer. I have assured her that with time and a dry crack it will be ok. Typically I have found that it is usually caused by a large quantity of walking on a hot day. Once, a bar owner akinned a disagreeable experience with a "chapped ass on a hot day." Your site is great! Keep up the good work.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I have noticed that I get asscrackitis more often in the winter time around the Pacific Northwest. For some reason the cold and wet causes it.

Of course it is not the same cause that some druggie neighbor of mine had. The guy actually got fungus in his asscrack. Of course, he only bathed once a month if he remembered in his pothead stupor.

NORMAL asscrackitis can be painful and burny. I have discovered from a recent bout that the best cure for it is the following:

1. Dry your crack as much as possible.
2. Clean it out with a wet wipe.
3. Wipe with a Tucks medicated pad.
4. Seal in the medicine with Preparation H gel.

Works every time.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

WTFisWmyCrack?'s picture
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I also suffer from asscrackitis. I thought I was alone but knew that was silly. So I found this forum. My suffering is worst just above the hole
here --> ^
hole --> 0
sack -->())
It's making me crazy. It hurts and is flaky and shit so I put vasaline or some other cream on it to keep it supple and not sore but it really does flake. I went to the dumb ass doctor and he's just like "well leave it alone". I'm like "this is what im paying for? fix it you dick!". Anyway I think it gets much much worse when I sit all day, I'm a computer programmer so all I do is sit. Also I lean way back while im working and I think that makes it worse to. It might be a blood flow thing from sitting on it and keeping pressure on it all day. I'm not sure what else to do this has been going on for like 6 months. I tried leaving it alone and letting it be dry but it starts to bleed and it sort of kills the sex life with the wife. "Sorry honey I can't bang you my ass is to sore to get a hard on..." So I keep up the vasaline/chapstick/aquafore applications three times a day and pray for relief.

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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WTF..., your schematic showing the location of your asscrackitis made me fall off my chair. The whole time I was reading your account, I thought I was listening to a Jerky Boy's routine. Sorry you're suffering, and while you may be giving your wife little pleasure, you sure gave me lots. Thanks

Logjam

 WTFisWmyCrack?'s picture
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famous people get it too

Anonymous Coward's picture
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ok - i have a very sharp pain right at the top of my asscrack ( i can feel my tailbone very near the surface of my skin in that area ) ...and that is what causes the problem - i sit all day at a computer, and the pressure from my tailbone pressing out and down makes the skin tender at the top of my ass crack. The only relief i get is from icing it for 5 or so minutes at a time, and trying not to sit for too long so the pressure doesn't make it worse....like to the point of causing a bed sore type of lesion ----ouch ! This is proof that we were never meant to sit for prolonged periods of time....

Anonymous Coward's picture
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i had a case of asscrackitus too and it got so bad it made my crack bleed! i thought i was dying but then i read this. thanks a lot.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I have had a bad case of asscrackitus too. Its been about 6 months now off and on. I was sick for almost 2 weeks due to some type of food poisoning and during those 2 weeks I was almost constantly on the toilet. I wiped my crack so often that I developed a small split in the skin near my tailbone. That little split has caused some bleeding occasionally. Also since then I have had much more irritable crack skin. I walk a lot at work and I my skin become really irritated. Please if anyone knows how to solve any of these two problems let me know.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I had this as well. And the only thing that worked for me was Aveeno cream. Real good Stuff.....oh, and remove that THONG!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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So, I'm thinking that if it's moisture driven and doesn't go away on its own, it's probably a fungal infection. Think: jock itch of the crack.

Probably trying some jock itch ointment would help. If it helps after day 2 (usually when jock itch stuff starts working), you're on the right path.

Don't use a spray, and don't put the stuff up the chute. Use the ointment kind. And don't use the athelete's foot one. They make it harsher, and even though the jock itch stuff is designed for the "guys", I'm sure it's going to hurt pretty good in the crack.

I haven't tried it myself because whenever I've had asscrackitis, the airing-out method and gentle wiping has worked.

That's my theory, anyhow. Let us know if it works.

 WTFisWmyCrack?'s picture
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UPDATE: ok I still have bouts of asscrackitis but not as bad. I bought a much better chair for that is helping. I also keep my crack supple with some petroleum based butt grease made for babies. It's called A&D Ointment. I tried the anti-fungal to no avail. I tried it a long time aog because I had the same thought that it might be like jock-itch/athletes crack.
Also when wiping I try to use a little jergens lotion or something if its not such a nice doo doo. You know what I mean? Like if it's a firm, round longish one that's round on one end and pointy on the other and it slides out clean, the wiping is pretty much a formality. But, if you have a few drinks and some funky Mexican food the night before and your dooky is more like the consistency of TOOTH PASTE.... The wiping is a real chore, it's 90% of the work. Thats when I use some lotion on the tissue. It makes clean up go much faster and easier.

So, in closing my advice is this.
Get a good/expensive chair I live the Aeron but couldn't afford it so i bought a knock off. Grease up after a shower. Wipe with lotion on tissue if possible.

good luck.

Tech Support Guy's picture
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I sit on my rear 12hrs a day, I usually sit without standing for upto 6hrs straight. Since I lean back in my chair this caused my upper crack to seal in the magic and due to the padding of the chair, my rear sweats. Wel, I get the same burning/itching right below my tail bone. Solution that will fix the problem in 4 days, "Lotrimin AF Spray Powder". Just shower before at the beginning of the day, Spray your crack with the stuff. Go to work, Come home and take another shower. Spray your crack again and go to bed without with no bottoms. You will feel better within 4 days, completely heeled in 1 week.

carolina's picture
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Wow at least I am not dying or going insane I have found my support group. Thanks for all the free advice. I will try it all!!!!

Xine's picture
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I also have asscrackitis and my 18 month old daughter has it too. WTF is going on? I read every single entry and I believe ours is fungal related...we take baths together so I imagine we are spreading it around. Can someone recommend a anti fungal? Jebus!

 WTFisWmyCrack?'s picture
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If you think it's fungal you should really go see a doctor. Fungi can be difficult to get rid of and on a female especially a young one who cannot express herself well can be very dangerous. If it goes into her vagina (do to proximity) could cause reproductive problems or worse.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I have asscrakitis, but what's worse is that i can't take a dump. It's only been a day but everytime i try to take a dump the pain is excruciating! Does anyone know what would help maybe soften my feces? Or anything else that would help this butt of mine.

buttwizard's picture
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Make your own remedy!!!
http://wiki.ehow.com/Make-Your-Own-Diaper-Cream

bootie2itchy's picture
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Ive had chappy ass for a while now and have just tried blistex (the kind in the little squeeze tube) and I think I may have something here!

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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YIKES! Wouldn't Blistex BURN? It's mentholated, isn't it? Yow.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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wow! i've been suffering from asscrackitis for a while now, not knowing what it was...kinda went away for a while but is back in force and much worse. i thought i'd see if i could find anything on the net about it, and voila! it hurts to sit...stretch legs apart (sex is very painful). it's itchy and at night i tend to scratch it then wake up with the pain.
ew! horrid thing!

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points
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Try taking long baths and sleeping naked (I do all the time anyway =P). Also rub some sort of cream on it. Call me crazy but it works.

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

[Insert witty banter here]

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I thought I was alone but this site brings new hope - there are other people with splitass disease... Ive had it on and off for two years now. Big split - up to an inch long sometimes that has left scarring. Bleeds sometimes. Can hurt like nothing else when hot water gets in it from showering. I blame my tailbone - maybe I have a semi-tail that pushes skin out too much. I went to a doctor, she said 'Live with it'. Biggest waste of $52.00 ever. Another doctor said Hydracordazone (bad spelling) but no luck. I get it after going in badass mosh pits from all the sweat. Woe is me

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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Maybe you could have it surgically stitched closed, like when they pin kids' ears back.

_______
Mmmm...Fiber: Nature's Broom!

Bunga Din's picture
j 1000+ points
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Sounds like this from another poonurse thread, pilonidal disease, right here.

shockediamnotalone's picture
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wow thanks everyone for sharing their asscrackitis stories. the tips seem helpful. i have been using aveeno cream with hydrocortisone in it for a couple days and it is REALLY HELPING. it still does hurt and itch but i can see it getting better. another piece of advice- DO NOT TOUCH IT!!! i know that is hard but dont.

REal Deal's picture
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Well, I seem to have 3 little holes in the top of the crack that hurt so bad. I can't sit comfortably or squat. Every movement hurts. I am a sufferer of asscrackitis and it's no fun. I don't know is the holes are normal cause I never knew there were holes until I made my boyfriend look at it and take pictures so I can see... it really sucks.. HELP!!1

Polly Esther's picture
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You have a YEAST infection. Get thee to the dermatologist and get:

Locoid Lipocream 0.1% Ferm
Oxistat 1% Cream Phar

You mix a dab of each together and put it on your hi-knee crack.

Anomalous Coward's picture
k 500+ points
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Ali, if you're a boss, tell your employees to use Chapstick.

_______
"Vini, Vidi, Vomiti" (we came, we saw, we got sick on the plane")

Anonymous Coward's picture
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yes, i too suffer from this terrible affliction, the dreaded asscrackitis. it just started happening sporadically a year ago. awesome! i tried the a&d diaper rash ointment and that didn't really work, so i switched to aquafor. recently that hasn't been working, so i'll try some of those other tips... thanks!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I just discovered that my ass HAD a crack. As I consider that a defect, I sent it back to the manufacturer. They sent it back on a large plate. Guess I can now tell people they handed me my ass on a platter.

tommy lee's picture
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yo i think i have asscrackitis but i dont know i have a really itchy crack and i've had it for months and when i scratch it it feels better then later on i will get a bad burning feeling like sand paper is down my crack can anyone help as to info as to what i have please i feel like im dying please help me

Angry Anus's picture
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My butt hurts and I am not a homosexual. My ass feels like it is splitting as if my ass is a log caught in a log splitter. Is there any cream or medicine you can recommend for my painful poopshoot? Thank you...I need relief!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I've had an incredible itchy poop-shoot for months now. When I take a shower I can't stop itching it. It feels so good. My wife said there's yeast down there, so now I'm dabbing her medication and praying I won't have too many more shower scratching sagas! sheesh!

 WTFisWmyCrack?'s picture
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Hi I'm back. I still have the occasional bout of asscrackitis, mostly from sitting too much. but I promise you salvation if you shower twice a day, get plenty of fluids, sleep bottomless and lotion up or use some butt grease. The worst things you can do is sit all day long, don't shower before bed, drink coffee all day and wine or beer at night, (dehydration is part of the problem). Should take 5-7 days to recover from a bad bout.

The Flaming Anus's picture
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Ok this is the worst. My ass is just fucking burning. Ive been an asscrackitis sufferer since the age of about 15. At which time I worked at a golf course and was on my feet all day. My ass would just drive me nuts. Being young I didnt think there was any help and found relif in using the nice cold rubber golf club grips as a scratching post. Over the years ive tried packing my ass with tp over night to dry it out (doest do a damn thing),putting baby powder on it... creams lotions powders. Nothing would help my flaming ass crack. I find the best thing to do is leave it along. Sleep bottom less and use polysporin if it starts to crack. Other then that. Avoid from sticking your hand down the poop shoot in front of innocent by standers. Its not charming...no matter how bad it needs a clawing

Anonymous Coward's picture
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In the last three weeks or so, I started feeling really itchy in my crack. Not my hole, but above my hole... like where my tailbone ends. I freaked out (naturally) thinking I had herpes. It like comes and goes, isn't very consistent and last night I itched so much that it caused little cracks between my butt cheeks. I've read everyone's entry, and I'm hoping it's nothing serious (std)!!! I tried standing in front of the mirror, spreading my cheeks to see, but the little cuts I got from scratching are very tiny... and plus, it hurts to spread or even touch with my finger. I'm somewhat relieved but still worry... any other females relate to this?

Anonymous Coward's picture
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thank you for the advice!

i got it at work,
fuck you crappy work! cant afford good toilet paper,

im gonna try the airing out function
wish me luck!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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i think i got the asscrackitis and i thought something was definitely wrong with me but after finding this site im sure its not that bad. I dont even know how i got it but i wear jeans and sweats all the time. Maybe that is the problem.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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I wonder if once all these assholes are healed up, if a little smear of antiperspirant would do the trick?

Wipe, then swipe. No sweat.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I've had fissure at the top of my butt crack for quite some time now. I truely beleive it is caused by soggy bottom, or swamp ass. It feels like what i'd imagine a bed sore would feel like. My Girl friend has attempted to mend the two inch long fissure several times with Q-tips and cotton swabs. i've taped medicated gauze to the crack also. nothing worked until I powdered it with flour. It created a cake like substance in the crevase to which i removed with a butter knife. I reccomend using lilly white self rising flour. I gurantee this method. give it a shot.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I don't know if I have asscrackitis but ever since I started working at my job 1 year ago my but crack has been getting really sweaty and after a couple of hours I burns like a mutha. Ive tried to pack it with toilet paper to dry it out but only helps for awile then I tied to put gold bond on it and it makes it burn more but feel dry for awile. I dont have bumps or anything unusual but now I feel like its an everyday thing and can't get rid of it. I want to try creams but moisture is the reason why it gets red and sore. It dont hurt as long as i dont walk for more than ten minutes or else it starts up again and after it gets moist i try to wipe with toilet paper and it looks like i didnt wipe well enough when going doo doo and i make sure its all gone, I dont know if theres a leak in my asscrack or wut but it hurts like hell and dont want to do anything but air it out.Please help!!!!

Hemeroid's picture
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anonymous:

"it looks like i didnt wipe well enough when going doo doo and i make sure its all gone, I dont know if theres a leak in my asscrack or wut but it hurts like hell"

That's a pretty good tell-tail sign of a hemoroid. You see the swelling of a Roid holds back just a little poop, which leaks out later. It will itch and burn, so go back a wipe again gently, carefully, and apply prep-H. If burning too much try the cooling gel...ahhhhhh. Never hold a poop in when it wants out, (don't crap yer pants) but holding puts so much pressure on the roid that it will surely pop out, and likely bleed while wipeing. So get some prep-H and start feeling good again.

No more itchy sweaty ass crack's picture
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do this....take a cotton ball and soak it in rubbing alcohol....now grab an apple and stick it in your mouth...bend over and stick that piece of cotton in your crack and rub it all in...you are i guarantee your ass will catch fire and you will rocket to the moon...and you will probably curse yourself....but this is what worked for me....i did this for a week straight....it cleared up my itchy ass and all that mess...after the third day of doing this it felt much better...also....after the burning stops...about a minute after u put the cotton...it will feel so much better trust me.

Always cracked's picture
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well, i've always been acussed of being cracked. I haven't laughed so hard in yrs. I'm glad i found this cos i thought it was some horrible desease i was fighting. AAAHHH what relief, seems everyone as a damp ass that gets cracked. Thanks for sharing.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Ive had this problem in my crack for about a year now and ive tried Vaseline, AntiBiotic with like a type of band air to make sure its on it like just above the hole ive got this nasty split that looks like a cut i think i got from not drying properly ive also tried leaving it alone.. and i cant think of anything else to do for it ive read other problems and they all sound similar to the type i have like mine gets itchy and it starts to get sore and i have this need to grab TP and wipe at it and everytime i do it bleeds.So any thing you suggest for my problem i would love it so i cant go back to not having the need to itch at my crack any more!!

Liz's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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My husband and I both have this problem. We use baby wipes to clean and Desitin, what they use on babies for diaper rash, afterwards. It clears it right up everytime. The baby wipes are gentle and soothing. If you buy the ones with aloe in them, it really helps. I have suggested this cure to tons of people and they all say the same thing-that it works miracles almost over night.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I got asscrackitis after 10 days of antibiotics that caused 10 days of diahrrea. (Sound like a biblical plague!!!!!!!!!!!!) I have been trying to wipe well, but it stings like hell when I do wipe, and the baby wipes sting the worst!!! (I have two young ones, so I have been eying their creams lately...) So far, I tried neosporin which helps a little, but it keeps coming back. As soon as it starts getting better, I will carelessly sit down on the toilet, and the resulting spread of my cheeks brings the asscrackitis right back to where I started. I just sprayed with jock itch medicine... hopefully this will help. I know Antibiotics causes yeast infections, so perhaps this is indeed a yeast infection... I suggest sitting gently while trying to rid yourself of this plague...

Anonymous Coward's picture
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"I got asscrackitis after 10 days of antibiotics that caused 10 days of diahrrea." "I will carelessly sit down on the toilet, and the resulting spread of my cheeks brings the asscrackitis right back to where I started." OMG, I was gonna put the same thing down but then I read it from someone else. I feel so much better knowing im not the only one:) Mine is a little different, it never itches just burns if I touch it, wipe it or go pee or poo. This morning i found it was not only above my ass crack but now it has moved below it as well. Last night I plopped myself down lazily on the toilet and literally felt it rip open, ouch! I tried polysporin and even monastat(thinking it might be yeast) but no relief yet:( I guess ill try the hydrocortizone now......

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points
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Anoymous, if this happened last night, DO NOT USE THREE DIFFERENT CREAMS ON YOUR BUTT!!!

Try one for a few days (4-6) then go to another cream if it doesn't work. You cannot expect it to go away in an hour or two.

You should also GO TO A DOCTOR so that you know exactly what creams are appropriate to use for the specific condition you have going on your crack.

Damn it, people. Use common sense.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Fart Poopie: Duh, ive already been to a doc. This happened the first time 7 months ago when i was pregnant and fat. The doc said to wash with Ivory and try Clotrimozol. That helped but it keeps coming back. I just happened to feel it rip even more the other night and those are the most recent creams I have tried.....

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I have found THE cure. I've suffered like many of you for years with the recurring butt crack/itchy butt and have tried many different things including a trip to the dreaded proctologist. I thought this cure up on my own. IT WORKS! So here's what you do: wash and dry the area (i use a hairdryer on low). Then apply a SMALL amount of pure lanoline (mine says it's for cracked nipples of nursing mothers). Do this once or twice a day. Presto...problem is GONE!

Looking for answers's picture
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Has anyone seen a physician for this condition? I have similar symptoms, a cut/split at the top of my butt crack, only without the itching. I started having this problem eight months ago when my dentist had me on antibiotics for over six weeks to cure a tooth infection. I too have tried and continue using, Neosporin and Monistat creams; they help for a while but don't seem to cure it. I'll be seeing my OB/GYN next week. Hope he has some answers and a cure for me. I'll share with all next time.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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thank the poop gods for this site! i just came down with asscrackitis and had no idea what my problem was. this is enlightening AND entertaining. yay!

Assigore's picture
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I get a Swamp Ass induces case of Asscrackitis. Some days at work on jobs get very hot and all the sweat runs all down my body to my ass crack then followed by walking the newly soaked cheeks rub against each other like 2 cacti. I found baby powder and Goldbond medicated powder before hand kinda helps soak up the sweat with a menthol tingle at you sac cool breezes await.

turdfan's picture
l 100+ points
0
0

I started having occasional problems with this three or four years ago. My internist didn't seem to know what it was, so I went to a dermatologist,and he said it was a yeast infection. The first time I had it, he gave me a single pill to take for it, and then some cream to put on it. Then I got it again about 12-18 months later. That time, he gave me two different types of cream to apply to it,(he said it was the same yeast infection) Anyway, both of these treatments cleared the problem up in a day or two, although he told me to keep applying the cream for a week or two. If you can afford one office visit to a dermatologist, I think he/she can fix your problem very quickly.

Miss Simone Scat's picture
k 500+ points
0
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I found some of the serious postings truly funny. I suggest rereading them.
Producing waste since 1967

Producing waste since 1967

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I have this for a few years, no luck. I saw one dermatologist, who gave me a few lotions. But they didn't help beyond the time I put them on. One of them is inotyol, which I keep putting when it hurts, and it always help. But it doesn't prevent it from comming again. By the way I found out that inotyol is good also for about any other skin condition that I had, from acne, to dry skin on the elbow. The Dr. also told me to wash my ass with water after I take a dump, rather then to whipe it. So I wash it. It also helps, especially when it hurts, since shit over the wound hurts, and washing it instead of rubbing it in hurts less, and also feels better later. Recently I figured that sometimes my shit is too big for my poor asshole, and that hurts the wound. I found out that I can press on the shit with my ass muscles before it gets to the sore point, and compress it. This way when the shit gets to the sore point it is less wide, and pass through more easily, and without a painful further expantion to my poor asshole. I need to see an other doctor. Why doesn't it just go away already.

LatinAmerican culopartido's picture
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Wow. You´ve made my day. Now I know that I have a problem, that I´m not alone and that there isn´t a cure for it :(

sweaty ass crack pro's picture
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Took me ages to find some site that discussed asscrackitis, and reading through made me laugh and has probably given me some useful tips. I tend to get it from sweating all day and walking, it doesnt help farting aswell as this doesnt bode well when sweating in the heat. I currently have e45 on my ass but t feels really wet so Im gonna wipe it off and let it dry out over night being naked with a fan next to my bed. This is a risk though as there is quite a few mosis around house at the mo so I may end up with a mosi bite or two in the morning,

tha cure's picture
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just sleep naked and keep yah crack dry, it'll be 75% gone by morning, also try shaving all tha tiny hairs off your ass, tha chapped ass comes from the skin staying moist and rubbing together.

asscrack annonymous's picture
0
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i as well have a case of asscrackitis. so iv'e recently moved to the land of israel. iv'e never suffered from this before but about a week ago it hit me. i guess why it started is because of the heat (which i'm not used to because i come from new york) and maybe becase i often wear thongs, but that aspect has never been an issue. i feel a burning/stinging/, painful and itchy sensation at the tip inside of the crack, above the ass hole. and it's also quite red. iv'e been applying cortizone on it every night after my shower, but i don't think that that has been helpful. i dont know what to do, and i need your help poopreporters! i don't think i can do it without you! all your stories have been extremely helpful and entetaining. i'm glad there is a community of asscrackitises out there. thanks.

please respond. i need help

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Hey REal Deal! Tiny holes? Might be Pilonidal Sinuses! Look it up!

Anonymous Cool guy's picture
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Yeah i get this once in a while... have it now, i am going to to go sleeping naked.. i already slept without a shirt... maybe i should swap so i ever have to run out in a fire i can be at least half way there lol.

Ps. Yes... it burns like hell... showering used to be decent... now it burns like a mother.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
0
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I was just curious. Does anybody know whats up with those red ass monkeys you see sometimes on the Discovery channel. They look like they need to dip their asses in a pail of witch hazel.

AssCrackaddict's picture
0
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I get a paralysing shooting pain in the bung hole sometimes. I can barely stand, walk or talk for 1 -2 minutes.
And don't even get me stated about "laying cable"! The last time I dropped the kids at the pool, my wife could hear me whimper from the next room.
I have been to the Dr, it seems I have a yeast infection, AND AN ANAL FISSEUR, a tearing of the arse.
I was previously using creams to try to sooth what I thought was chapped ass, which was actually a yeast infection. But these creams kept my crack moist and encouraged the fungal growth, leading to weakened skin and the fisseur.

This has been ongoing for over 2 years.
It helps to know I am not alone.

ANDY's picture
0
0

i GET IT WHEN SITTING TO LONG , BEFORE BED I WASH WITH MILD SOAP , DRY WELL THEN APPLY A THIN COAT OF VICKS RUB ( IT WILL BURN FOR 15 SECONDS OR SO THEN FEEL COOL , ) THEN GO TO BED NAKED , TO AWAKE THE NEXT MORNING WITH MOST OF YOUR PROBLEM GONE > iN THE MORNING REPEAT TREATMENT BUT BE CAREFULL AS THE VICKS MIGHT SHOW A STAIN IN THE BACK OF YOUR CLOTHING , HELPS IF YOU WEAR DARK CLOTHING
lET ME KNOW THE RESULTS aT AAAGRAVEL@YAHOO.CA

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
0
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Menthol and camphor ARE considered to have anti-biotic properties, so this might be why it works.

Thank you for that tip.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

WiseCrack's picture
0
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I didn't expect to find an entire page dedicated to my problem when I typed "chapped butt crack" into google search! Goldmine! I have a raging case of asscrackitis. I think it is the result of several factors, but mainly due to a long distance drive and a lot of butt-time over the holiday. I've been using tea tree oil on it for it's antiseptic and healing properties. Also, triple-bac ointment takes the edge off and soothes inflamed, red tissue.

traumatized's picture
0
0

A word of warning to all of you fellow asscrackitis sufferers. Do not scratch, under any circumstances. Of course, I knew I shouldn't scratch, but I was unable to control the urge in my sleep and woke up with a burning sensation and knew I must have scratched it. Anyway, long story short, in a few days time, my itchy crack turned into something much worse - a cellulitis infection of the skin and surrounding tissue around my tailbone which caused the skin to actually break apart. My crack actually cracked. Not to mention the pain and soreness from the infection and swelling around the tailbone that made it painful to sit, lie down, stand, everything basically. I had never in my life heard of anyone getting an infection in their buttcrack but leave it to me to accomplish this. This has been a very embarassing situation to say the least and I am still finishing up a round of some very strong antibiotics. Just remember - Don't scratch! Wear mittens to bed if you have to.

My ass fucking hurts's picture
0
0

thank god for this site. my ass has been burning/itching like a motherfucker for the last year+. i'm in IT and basically sit on my ass all day. i'm not a fatty at all (6'0 165 soaking wet), but i'm pretty sure it comes from sitting. some days are better then others, and most the pain comes from sudden movements or wiping my ass after a big shit. i do my very best never to itch it but i know i do subconciously while i sleep. i think im going to try shaving my ass and doing the sleeping naked thing. its worth a shot. nothing in the world is worse then being in public and having a asscrackitis flare up and not being able to do anything about it. i must have done something really fucked up to deserve this. it's good to know theres more people praying for death atleast a few times a day.

Tre Hess's picture
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CHAPPED ASS!!?

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
0
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yeah Tre, chapped ass, and I would sure appreciate it if you use some chapstick the next time you kiss mine, ok?

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Bilgepump's buttkisser's picture
0
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He likes the mint-flavored gloss. He says "It's tingly on me bumbum."

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
0
0

yeah, the dog licks the cherry one off, makes the chapping and chafing even worse.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

The Dog's picture
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I can't help myself. He draws little bones.

Burnanitch's picture
0
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I started with itching in the "butthole" and then it migrated up the entire crack (over 10 years now). I've seen anal-rectal surgeons (formerly called proctologists), a gastroenterologist, a regular MD, they all just say some people are like that, just keep it clean and dry. Problem is the more you try to clean, the more you irritate it (obviously I know not to wipe dry). I did get a pamphlet, among the things they recommend are: do not use soap on the area, use Prax lotion (available on the internet by Googling it) to clean and sooth, avoid things like coffee, cola, nuts, chocolate, when possible wear a thin cotton strip taken off a roll of absorbant cotton in the "crack" area ( I know that sounds ridiculous but it does help). Also Analpram HC is a prescription product.

lisa.taylor53's picture
0
0

I just started to have this problem within the last week. I was starting to freak out and think I had something or that I was dying. It was crazy to see the split in my butt crack. It freaked me out like you wouldn't believe and of course I got online put in my symptoms which are exactly those listed. Amazing what pain a chaffed, split butt crack can cause. However, after reading, I have realized that the moist wipes are not my friend. I started using them and I did recently change my soap which is a moisturizing soap. I should have just stuck with my Dial. I am going back to dial and no more wipes for me. But, I need to cure this and fast, I want to sit comfortably!
Please post what works, seems like everyone uses something a little different. Thank God however, I wasn't the only one feeling this pain.

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
0

Wow! I just got crackitis, never had it before, got it last week. I've been putting my grandson's desitin on it (he's 1) and that works great! I mean it didn't fix it immediately, it's been 4 days now, but the pain is tolerable and feels like the crack is healing nicely.. I have looked using a magnifying mirror and I can't see anything abnormal, just a red and sore looking ass crack...

Thank you one and all for making me feel normal.

I sit a lot on the job, and have been doing 50 minutes of cardio at the gym as part of my workout, so it must be a combination of the 2.. I'd suggest a shower before bed and before work and go get some desitin and use it on the asscrackitis...

Pain-In-The-Ass-Solver's picture
0
0

Hey guys... I'm here to enlighten you all as to THE BEST cure for asscrackitis. The thing is, it's a common misconception that this horrible affliction is caused by infection/damp/over-wiping etc. However, the real reason (and also the reason many doctor's visits prove fruitless) is that asscrackitis is PSYCHOLOGICAL. Yes, believe it or not, your ass and your emotional well-being are very closely linked. Chances are, those suffering the worst are those with the biggest amount of stress in their lives and those who do not take the time to really pay attention to the needs of their asses. Try and be at one with your ass. Picture you and your ass taking scenic walks in the country, enjoying an icecream on a hot day and picking flowers together in a quiet meadow. Listen to your ass. Appreciate it. Spend time with it doing its favourite hobbies. Tell it that you value it and the many functions it provides and in time, you and your ass will enjoy an unbreakable bond and it will stop tormenting you with asscrackitis to get your attention, which can be a real pain in the ass.

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
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Many of you may be afflicted with lactose intolerance, as I am. Shortly after eating food with milk or whey in it, I experience slight liquid diarrhaea. I can't feel it happen, but it wicks right up the crack and starts to burn the skin. If this is your situation, get some lactose pills over-the-counter at the pharmacy. Lots of people have this, especially as they get older. No need to be embarassed, so to speak.

Anal Itch's picture
0
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Hi all

As I have already mentioned in another topic, my ass gets itchy more so when walking then it starts to burn and itch unbearably whilst I walk some more.

Someone said that it was athletes asscrack so is this the same as Asscrackitis??

It seems to get worse with moisture down there.

Also, how do you know when its a fungal infection?

My final question is, whatever it is i've got, is there a way to get rid of it permanently? I've noticed that some people in this thread have recurring symptoms that reappear after sweating etc.

For more reference on my problem here is my post in another topic:

Hi all
Recently I have been experiencing an itchy anus. It may be down to excessive wiping. When I am not moving a lot it is okay, but when i start walking it starts to itch and i can't walk properly. It gets so bad when walking that it goes from itching to soreness and then a really strong itching sensation. Also, after walking when i feel the skin it feels really sore and little moist from the soreness. I just want to be able to walk/run freely.
Anyway I have decided to increase the fibre in my diet as there was very little in my diet. Having increased the fibre, my wiping has decreased. I went to the doctor and got some cream (can't remember the name) and also have to send a sample to find out what the problem could be.
I would like some feedback of what people think this could be and what may help solve the problem.
I will post back to inform you of anything that has helped me with this problem.
Thanks

LiteralPoop's picture
0
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I too suffer from asscrackitis. I have the split above the hole, and it itches from the top of my crack to my taint (if it t'aint your butthole and it t'aint your balls, your taint is in the middle) it hurts to wipe, and when I itch it my fingers smell like ass. And thats even right after a shower. I gets worse when I scratch, but who has the power to resist the call of asscrackitis? She's an informidable opponent, but her call is akin to the Sirens "the seductresses".

suffering in silence's picture
0
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The disease is known as "ringworm" or better known as jock itch. Yes, it does occur between the butt cheeks. If it's not too bad it can go away on its own as mine has in the past but do yourself a favor and get a tube of Lamisil. Mine is just about gone after 5 days of treatment. I've been suffering for the last 6 months until I finally figured out what it is. Dry well after showering and if you can, use your blow dryer on a low setting to really dry the area out. Then apply the Lamisil. I noticed a difference after ONE application. Good Luck.

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
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I am enlightened in your site. I thought I was the only one that had a split asscrack. Wow, I can't believe I'm not the only one in the world. I feel better knowing this, my ass feels better as well. I have tried different treatments for this asscracktitis,,,different soap, jock itch treatment, baby buttcrack meds, sleeping butt naked etc...I've never had the guts to try vicks. If I get the nerve and the person to chase me down with a fan I will do it. I have thought about going to the dr. but haven't had the nerve on that either. Wish me luck, and healing! Good luck to everyone else out there with the same inflictions.

Agitated-Anus's picture
0
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I too have been suffering from this chapped crack syndrome. The problem is now that it seems to be spreading...I am a female and not to be too horribly graphic...down towards the opening of my vagina I'm all red and itchy too. It's super frusterating. I'm wondering if I now have a yeast infection? The yeast cream isn't helping, nor helping my crack...so I'm not sure. I tried the neosporin on my crack the other day, it made it feel better for awhile, but it's back again. I try to dry it out with toilet paper, but I feel like I get dingleberries stuck in the sore...which just makes it feel worse! I'm a little nervous to put powder on my anus as well as anti fungal creams...what if it goes down south to the female regions?

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
0
0

It does sound like you might have a fungal infection. You might need some Diflucan by mouth. Go to your gyno if you don't have a primary care physician. you would probably benefit from a prescription antifungal agent. The best thing to do really is take your ass to the doctor.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Soooo grateful's picture
0
0

I have been suffering from this skin breaking for 20 years. I thought at first I had caught herpes. I never told my doctor because I was so embarrased. I noticed that it is related to stress. When I am one week from my period my skin breaks out for 3 to 4 days.
I love this site. I have been laughing out loud with tears coming down my face. You guys have saved me from believing the worst.
I use vaseline just to stop the pain, desitin sometimes work. I keep the area there dry and clean it,that works sometimes. I also believe it is caused by sitting and sweating in that area. God Bless. We will all be okay.

loaf pincher's picture
l 100+ points
0
0

agitated anus please take sittingpretty's advice you need to see a doctor you already have an "agitated anus" you sure don't want an angry beaver to deal with to

the cracker's picture
0
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ok, i thought i was the only one who ever felt the actual ripping apart of her ass crack skin and screamed in pain. As my husband has said, "i believe you, I have seen your ass crack before my very eyes" and he didn't mean it in his usual fun, dirty way. Now I know, many an ass cracks out there.
Usually starts, and stays, for a short time at the top where my crack starts. Just enough to hide it away and store any moisture, or whatever the hell causes it. And always at the start of or during winter.
Finally , I had it so bad that I had multiple cracks running along my ENTIRE ass crack. I didn't know if I should get a palmist to try and read my new "line" or go to the doctor. Something was definitely angry at me or trying to get me a message. I picked the doctor. He told me infection and gave me antibiotics. That's because he is dumb. I went to a girl nurse practitioner. YEAST INFECTION! gross! I have had trouble with candida in the past and it had gotten through my system so badly that my normal girly parts had no symptoms, it was just living wildly on top of my skin, particularly my asscrack skin in winter.
Sorry to be so detailed, but it took lots of other symptoms and years for me to find out I have a yeast sensitivity. It took 2 diflucan a day for 2 weeks, and 1 a week for 3 months to clear all my symptoms (asscrackitis cleared in about 2 weeks).
If this happens regularly to you, have your doctor do a skin swab for ALL types of yeast, even the rarer forms. And air it out, change your diet, cotton or nudity is best.
Wow, that was a lot of info about my nether parts. sorry. but hope it helps someone

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Mine started with a roid, I think the roid cream gave the itch a start. After reading this site's suggestions, I wash it with alcohol and later, treat with lamisil, 2 times a day. After 4 days my ass feels better than it has in 6 months! No more burning or leakage! I had cracks that radiated from my hole, these are going away. Walking was causing it to bleed and jogging was impossible, not now. Thanks from the bottom of my crack.

 WTFisWmyCrack?'s picture
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My friends, it has been a long time since I've posted to this site but I have experienced a revelation! I had a bad bout and none of my old tricks were working for quite a long time. I was desperate and have found a solution, I believe. Burt's Bees!!!! the peppermint lip balm stick, either the white one or the clear! OMG, the relief is almost immediate. I won't lie, there is bit of a bite to it but the cooling is magnificent and provides relief the same day. please try this and tell me how it works for you.

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
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I have been having these bouts for about 5 years now. I will get a sore at the top of my crack and it would sometimes take weeks to heal. I thought it was from too much moisture. I finally realized it was a yeast infection. The monistat wouldn't work but the triconazoledoes. I tried anti-fungal, anti-biotic creams. Powders, diaper rach ointments. But the trico works. I went to the docs for med refills before the end of the year and I had one starting. He told me it was a cold sore (you know like you get on your mouth? No, doc. I have never had one. I think it's a yeast infection. No it's not. I'll perscribe this very expensive cream and it should be gone in a couple of days. It will go away in 10 days anyway.) BS I used the cream. Didn't work. Over 2 weeks and it's still not gone. Going back to the triconazile. After researching this, I haven't associated this with herpes. I have associated it with using wet wipes. Wet wipes are great for babies asses, which BTW is when I decided to start using them on my ass. About 5 years ago when I aquired my 2 grandkids my little one was still in diapers. I figured if they were good enough for him they should do good on keeping my ass cleaner too. Well, The moisture has caused me to get frequent yeast infections. Thanks to that %#@$%^&* doctor I have to try and convince my husband of 20 years (who works out of town) that I don't have herpes. Who the hell wants it or has time in your 50's raising kids all over again? It's all about WET WIPES! They are not to be used sliding up the crack of your ass.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Its so hard to find ANY health professional who will comment or advise on this malady. Dayum my a$$ ruins my good time and I have asked the Q&A of even the least uptight Physician only to have them reel with transparent disgust at the prospect of adressing it as a real or potentialy serious problem!
Bas^ardz!! Anyways I am here to tell you that as suggested above; taking my a@@ for a walk or to the beach and talking candidly with it about life and stress has enabled me to enjoy some relief at least.
It seems to be very sensitive and wants consideration thats all. I mean I am going to treat it with TLC first and whatever it needs to stay cool BUT as long as I ignore it.. it tells me it will scream murderously at me with the only voice it owns if I again ever take it for granted. The ass is alive people treat it with a little love; as with anything it goes a long way.

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
0
0

Naughty, naughty. Third sentence from the bottom, you spelled out a$$. Be fucking careful with that shit, will ya?

Logjam

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
0
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I cannot believe spelled the entire goddamned word out.

Sinner.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
0
0

Who in the hell approved that fucking nasty assed comment? Mother fucking degenerates! I am absolutely appalled at the shitty fucking language here. I'm so goddamned upset I think I fucking pissed myself. And then there are the pisspoor attempts to hide fucking vulgar language with symbols, you aren't fooling anyone here, we're all clairvoyant, dumbass.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
0
0

Well isn't that special Mr Bilgepump.

The Church Lady

blade runner's picture
0
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I too suffer from this dreaded malady. It has been in my family for generations. An old remedy passed down from my Grandmother is to wrap the buttocks tightly with duct tape for 2-3 days. Works for me every time.

Bloody Underwear's picture
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I sure hope the vasaline, lamisil, haridryer, burts bees, vicks, desitin, blistex works.

I have ruined enough underwear for a lifetime!

Assfault's picture
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I give up. I've tried every cream suggested by surgeon and natural organic product too. Surgeon has no idea what is wrong. Cracking skin under tail bone. He was looking to see if I had developed a channel fistula from an abscess I had back in September. He stabbed me with some kind of shrimp fork probe. Then put silver nitrate on it. Not sure what I did in my past life but, whatever it was I'm really sorry. Does anyone have any advice. If I could give it away to my worst enemy, I would!

Crackalicious NOT's picture
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My itchyness feels like it is extremely dry. I itch the top of the crack to where it is raw. Now my just under my ball sack is where I am rubbing it raw. So my crack is raw in two places... Any suggestions??????????

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points
0
0

If you cannot shower more than once a day, use a baby wipe to clean. Then, to get rid of the moisture caused by the baby wipe, use compressed air from a can purchased at the office supply store. Please understand that the air will be very cold so there is the danger of going from crackaditis to frostbite ass.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I had a fungus, Lotramine helped but wouldn't cure it, DR. prescribed lotion was the same, finally tried Zeasorb AF powder and 10 days later, I think I'm cured. Going to keep powdering my pooper for a few more days though.

redhead with too much red in his crack's picture
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atleast someone can answer my question. i work in a place where i have to run around alot and it gets really hot. so i sweat alot and dont really have much chance to cool off. so hopefully sleeping nude will help dry and air out my crack. i also have the "scent" problem and i have been kinda disgusted with myself like im not clean. lol

Anonymous Coward's picture
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My stink hole has been on fire for over 2 weeks and getting worse. So I've been using wet ones for about 3 months and I think... I think that's it but now my ass is so god damn angry it doesn't like anything but those god damn jesus soft wipes. I'm not sure what to do but one of us has to win... my ass or the wipes so far ass:0 wipes:1. My stink hole, lava hole, brown eye is red. DAMN YOU BROWN EYE! I can tell you what doesn't work... vaseline, it's helps but it's still there it kinda puts things at bay. Cortizone itches like hell but seems to be oaky but I think it's pisses it off worse. Hand cream no good. Hemmroid cream real bad. And that's about it. :9 I'm going to fight with my stink hole.

Broken Butt's picture
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I am a chronic sufferer of this affliction. I'm pretty sure it's due to my diet of fast food, spicy food, alcohol, soda, etc.. I'm 29, and I think I'm beginning to realize that: The older I get, the more the bad things I like to do are going to hurt me. :(

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I got this out of the blue, I'm guessing from wearing pants that were too tight and not breathable :( Putting cream on my butt crack helped initially, but I think in the long run it makes the problem worse or prolongs the healing. What works for me is two showers a day to keep things clean and dry and then sleeping in the nude from the waist down for the past few days has helped, and I stopped using the cream. My ass crack is looking less inflamed since stopping the cream so it must be the right thing. I hope it goes away altogether soon. Every now and it gets incredibly itchy and scratching makes matters worse.

Anonymous Coward with ass chapping's picture
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i am an ass chapped veteran. not of war, but of ass chapping. where does one go to purchase ass balm? is there such a thing? if so, what is it called?

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
0
0

Dear AC....Go to your local farm supply store and ask for "Bag Balm", it was designed with cow tits in mind but also works well on chapped hands or asses.

Doctor Thunderbutt, Ass specialist. (If you are female Dr. Thunderbutt will personally rub the ointment in.)


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Poopsy McGee's picture
l 100+ points
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I'd like to bestow upon you a recent pearl of wisdom imparted on us by the illustrious El Scumbag. Nivea cold cream.

There is also a thing called Butt Paste (maybe made by Dr. Bronner's) used mainly for baby's bottoms, but it must work for grown-ups too.

Itchy Crack's picture
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Seems like we have two types of asscrackitis: type 1 asscrackitis is the itchy butt crack type, and is probably bacterial/fungal due to swamp ass or sweaty ass crack. Type 2 asscrackitis is the burning/tearing kind, complete with one or two inch tear. This is probably related to pilonidal sinus disease, which is a nasty, nasty kind of asscrackitis that I very much hope I do not have!

Going to the doc tomorrow am, will report back to see if my asscrackitis typing is effective. Oh, my asscrackitis (probably type 1, since it's very, very itchy) started late last week and was (is) hella itchy! Since I sweat like a mofo, *particularly* in my ass crack, AND sit for 12 hours on a pleather office chair AND work out twice a week (meaning yet more sweaty ass crack) AND swim twice a week, it's probably bacterial/fungal, and not some draining ass crack sinus thingee.

As I said, going to the doc tomorrow, will report back with the results.

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points
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Is stage IV crack-itis also known as Plumber Crackitis ?

Itchy Crack's picture
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Well... went to the doc this am. Diagnosis: pilonidal sinus with abcess. Prognosis? SURGERY! No shit. The following excerpts, from an article entitled "Pilonidal Sinus" by one John Bascom, M.D., Ph.D. (who apparently wrote the book on this type of asscrackitis), does a great job of explaining this, and the preferred course of care. You can find the article if you Google "pilonidal sinus" and "bascom." Seriously, I very strongly encourage those of you with itchy (and painful) butt cracks to read the article.

All kidding aside, this issue affects a surprising number of men AND WOMEN, and is not limited only to fat men with hairy, sweaty butts. Seriously, folks, don't fuck around with this! Get thee to a doctor RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

Here are the excerpts:

ETIOLOGY:

Pilonidal disease is acquired when gravity pulls the buttocks and cleft from the bone so strongly that skin stretches. Pulling forces that focus between the bottom of the cleft and the angle of the sacrum stretch the skin. Skin stretches at the bottom of a follicle, where it is thinnest. The stretched follicle breaks down, and an acute or chronic abscess results. Hair is a secondary invader.

* * *

CLINICAL PRESENTATION

Patients with pilonidal disease may ask for advice about tiny asymptomatic pits or pores at the bottom of the cleft. Tenderness while doing sit-ups is a common complaint. A tender or nontender nodule may be palpable. One-fifth of such patients seek care for the severe pain and tenderness of an acute abscess. Four- fifths of patients with pilonidal disease present with moisture and drainage and
occasional bleeding. They report few or no episodes of pain or tenderness and have no history of a previous acute abscess. Examination shows one to fifteen tiny openings in the midline or a larger granulation-filled slit opening into a cavity. A secondary opening may lie a few centimeters above. Discharge is minimal to copious.

Hairs singly or in tufts often lie in the openings and may be surprisingly long when withdrawn. Unhealed wounds show thin skin that bridges over a cavity or a scarred trench filled with loose granulations.

* * *

RECOMMENDED TREATMENTS

Acute Abscess

For patient comfort, drain the acute abscess semiurgently.
Do not wait for redness and edema before incising.

* * *

A pointed blade opens a drainage incision parallel to the
midline and 2 cm to one side of it. The knife stops when
pus first appears. In lieu of packs, which cause pain,
excise from one side of the incision a 5-mm circle of skin
to prevent premature closure. Antibiotics are unnecessary.
Delay further treatment for I week, and then treat as a
chronic abscess. This delay clears the edema that hides
midline holes that must be seen and removed in order to
cure the disease.

Relief is immediate. Only rarely does an acute abscess
reseal before curative treatment. The advantages of
prompt drainage are simplicity, certainty, and quick relief.
The only disadvantage is the need for a second procedure.

Chronic Abscess

Four-fifths of patients with pilonidal disease come to
the surgeon with a chronic abscess and NO HISTORY OF A PRIOR RECOGNIZABLE ACUTE STAGE.
Chronic abscess patients selected for the treatment outlined below have one to ten
holes in the midline occasionally with a larger hole to one side. They are free of acute inflammation. I do not treat
asymptomatic patients who have holes that are dry and have never been painful. However, patients who have recently had pain are operated on because a chronic abscess
usually lies below the midline. If a short slit is found in the midline, treat it like any other chronic abscess. If the slit is long, treat it like an unhealed incision.

Excerpted from Pilonidal Sinus, pp. 1-4.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Dr.s' Doggin and T-Butt to this story, STAT!!! We got more butt pus!!!


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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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Ouch owowowowowowowow Ow ow ow I have an open area about 9 o'clock anusly that hurts and burns and itches and make my left butt cheek ache. It is from too much wiping since last weekend. I have been using zinc oxide. If it is not improving by Monday, I am taking my asshole to the doctor. The pain is unbearable.Ow owowowowowowow Ow ow ow ow ow ow. Whining is no use because noone hears me. Ouch. I wonder if Orajel will stop the pain and burning. Ow ow ow. I don't have any Orajel. Ugh.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Pampered Ass's picture
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I feel your pain. Buy some Gynelotrimin 3 day cream from drugstore.com. This would be a good solution for the guys who don't want to be seen purchasing female yeast meds at their local grocery store in front of the teenage checkout girl. Smear it all over the chapped area after every bathroom break. My son had a yeast infection in the diaper area as a baby. I didn't know it was yeast, because it wasn't gooky like a vaginal yeast infection. It was red, chapped, itchy and painful. I kept trying different creams, but female yeast meds finally worked. Please try this. I wish you success, I know how terrible it is to walk around with this. Your skin will be back to normal soon. Please let me know if this works for you.

Pampered Ass's picture
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"Your comment has been queued for moderation by site administrators and will be published after approval."

You have got to be kidding me. Judging by the past comments I would love to know what kind of comments DON'T meet your "approval".

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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Comments of a purely political nature from either the left or right are not approved. Comments that are of a scatological fetish nature are not approved. Comments that have links to porn sites or scat fetish sites are not approved. I hope this answers your question Pampered Ass.


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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Pampered Ass's picture
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Wow. I guess everything's out there. Stuff I never even thought of. Had to go look up scatological.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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Pampered Ass.....Why don't you join our group? After having made a few posts and proven that you are not a spammer, we don't like them either, your comments will be posted as soon as you make them. Lots of fun and a form of therapy for many of us.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

WTF's picture
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WTF! Symptoms started out of nowhere. Seriously, I was walking home from work and BANG!...this insane itch right in the anus that could not be soothed just popped out of my ass. I mean a deep deep itch. Luckily it was dark(dont think anyone saw), because I involuntarily started digging and clawing at the itch. Finally got it scratched and calmed down, but over the next few days it re-appeared sporatically but not as intense as when it first happened. After about a week the itching ceased, but was replaced with a chapped, cracked, burning sensation...when I wipe there was little bright specks of blood from the cracking. I thought I had hemroids, so I just applied over the counter creams. I did also try anti fungal creams and yeast infection creams and nothing has worked, Later on, the symptoms morphed again. Now the chapping, burning, cracking is accompanied by what others on here have referred to as 'swamp ass'- light discharge of greasy foul smelling general wetness down there. Like I am sweating too much....except it defintely is more prevelent when the other symptoms flare up. It now goes in cycles, it will go in the background for 4-7 days (I can still feel it in the background...but it goes away enough that I feel normal)....then flares up to uncomfortable levels of irritation, burning and swampyness for a day or two and then goes back in the background. I am even noticing that it flares up when I get sick and my immune system is stressed.

I have asked two doctors about this and they have both spread my cheeks and looked in my ass and they both said "it is normal" and "quite common". And told me to put Desitin on it!!! I cant believe this? This doesn't feel normal. And reading through all these posts, It does sound like many suffer from this. We should all kick in 100 bucks and have a medical researcher come up with a cure. But maybe like the common cold, there is no cure? This totally sucks ass!!!!!!! Anyone out there have any latest info on this. When I go see my doctor again in a few weeks, I will bring it up again out of desperation.

Eczema Bum's picture
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Well hello from the good ole U of K! I wasn't aware that my long suffering symptom (5+ years) had a name outside our family home - my kids absolutely love to call me Eczema Bum ( bet they can't spell it!). Asscrackitis eh? very tongue in cheek! What a lovely day it is tho to know I am not alone + my kids will be chuffed with the new name for it too + I'm sure my wife will get a little relief in knowing I'm not the only freak with it (I don't think we are freaks, well maybe some of you). Not sure what mine is but located at the very top of ass crack going due south about 2" & 1" east & west (estimated not gps calculated or wife+ruler notified). Symptoms are inflamed at night caused by sweat normally after excessive alcohol intake, very itchy, a bit sore but mainly a little baboon like - maybe I'm just trying to arouse my wife with this show of virility? I have tried a hydrocortizone cream that was out of date for 2 years (used sparingly & sporadically) but I am unable to see any course of medicine through especially when for a day or 2 all seems well - or maybe, secretly I like my affliction? I did think it could be fungal but the thought of this isn't appealing so I'm going to ignore that diagnosis in favour of the lame 'dry skin'. I have been procrastinating on a trip to the chemist to buy some Eczema Bum dry skin eradicator for a few months but with the warm weather exacerbating my condition I have promised my arse crack I will do something soon. And so I have! Are these few words the beginning of the road to recovery? Or have I in finding fellow sufferers become more confident, proud and attatched to my condition? I'll certainly keep you posted on the progress of my Eczema Bum and face the future (& chemist) with more confidence knowing I have something special. Work now calls that will no doubt lead to the excessive intake of alcohol. Toodaloo!

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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WTF, find another doctor. Pruritis ani(itchy asshole) is not normal and it is treatable.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Also suffering with this condition. Am ready to try Lotramine. Found the following on NETDOCTOR:
Itchy bottom
Question
The top layer of skin between my buttocks often gets spotty, it then breaks and becomes itchy and the skin deep in the cleavage above the anus cracks and becomes painful.
Treatment with a healing cream like Sudocrem seems to help, but as soon as I stop using this, the condition returns. I had Canesten anti fungal cream for an infection a few years ago, but the current problem does not want to go away and does not bear the symptoms of the previous fungal infection.
My personal hygiene regime includes a twice-daily cold hose-out (no soap used) with the shower head to help prevent infections but this has not really helped. I seem to be unable to control this problem, can you advise a solution?
Answer
This is a common and characteristically recurring problem.
Anywhere on the body where skin touches skin, such as the natal cleft you describe, the warmth and moistness makes it a perfect place for the incubation of yeasts and fungi. All of us are covered with a variety of bacteria, yeasts and fungi. What is remarkable is not that we occasionally develop infections, but that our immune systems keep us free of them for most of the time.
The response to Canesten cream would suggest that this is either a yeast or fungal infection causing an associated eczema/dermatitis. Most commonly these are yeast infections and creams such as Canesten or Nystan help to reduce the infection. If there is irritation it also helps to add Hydrocortisone cream to reduce this. There are several products that combine the two ingredients.
Once you have cleared the problem, keeping the area thoroughly clean and dry will help keep it at bay. Constant use of creams is not to be recommended as it will ultimately reduce the body's natural protection.
If you find your infection very resistant to treatment, do ask your GP or Practice Nurse to check your urine for sugar to exclude diabetes. It can sometimes make itself known through an increase in such infections.
Yours sincerely
The Medical Team
Last updated 28.02.2007

Hope it helps someone. The neosporen hasn't been much help and A&D is soothing but temporary. Off to stop at the pharmacy.

FoundTheCure's picture
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Lanolin - Somebody mentioned it earlier. That's what cured it for me. It's on the baby aisle, for nursing mothers' sore nipples. Probably took a week or so of applying it twice a day. But I no longer have the problem.

Dying to Sleep's picture
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I've been having this problem for a few years now, but only at night. After several different doctors and remedies that seemed to work temporarily but then wear off, I learned that this may be caused by a weird form of sciatica because of a long-ago injury to my tailbone. For a time, heat helped, but it is difficult to keep against the area because I keep turning on my side! This problem is a torment...

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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Have you tried baby powder? Mexsana makes some nice stuff, and it might keep you dry and medicated at the same time.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Boudreaux's Butt Paste is the best thing. Is this really happening to me????? Has it ever been diagnosed anything else, more serious???

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Wow, great site. I get this usually after a night of hard drinking and bar food, which usually leads to multiple messy poops the next day. when I get it it is brutal - walking is terrible, sitting as well, and wiping, wow. What also hurts like hell is showering with it - yowsers. Mine has always gone away after a night of sleeping naked - which I'm doing now. Also love the poster who said they helped tons of people by suggesting some cure - I can't imagine actually talking to people about this!

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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AC, I can't talk to the peaople around me like I talk to poopreporters either. Noone wants to hear my poo problems.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17