asscrackitis: chapped, cracking ass

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Ali asks:

The last few months I've had a very strange and painful problem. No one I've asked has ever had this problem, so I'm looking to you people here to help me. For the last few months my ass crack has been chapped. The crack itself is very red and quite painful, and looks like the cracking you get on the sides of your mouth if your lips are extremely chapped. I have not changed my wiping habbits -- I use the damp Cottonelle wipes. I've been putting Neosporin with lidocaine on my crack and that makes it feel better but the problem isn't going away. Please help -- I need ass crack relief!





Dear Ali,

For starters, I can assure you of two things: Asscrackitis (the medical term for an irritated or inflamed ass crack), is generally NOT sexually transmitted, nor is it likely to be fatal. I realize that neither of these facts has anything to do with your concerns, but thought I would sound more professional making this sort of pronouncement right off the bat.

First, discard your thong underwear, if applicable. (Alternatively, you can boil them for one hour and then soak them in a gallon of bleach, but I would just throw them out). Thong-wearing is the #1 cause of Asscrackitis. Boiling and bleaching really has nothing helpful to contribute to your problem, but I suggested it only to encourage you to stop wearing them. Fabric wedged up your ass crack can't be helping the problem.

Next, are you using some new type of soap, body wash, detergent, or Brillo pads on your crack? I would recommend switching to some bland, non-irritating cleanser, such as Ivory soap, for a while. Don't overwash your crack, either. Be sure you let it dry well.

Wear plain old cotton underpants for a while. No leather or rubber underwear or pants. Let your crack breathe, as God intended.

Stop with the Neosporin if it isn't helping. Get a mild hydrocortisone (1%) cream at the drugstore, and apply it sparingly to your spanking clean, dry ass crack twice a day.

Don't use those premoistened wipes for a while. They usually have some alcohol in them, which could be either over-drying your crack or irritating it. Alcohol is for drinking, not for wiping.

If you are not improved within two weeks, or if your Asscrackitis is getting worse while you are doing these things, for God's sake go show your ass to a real doctor.

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?












206 Comments on "asscrackitis: chapped, cracking ass"

Anonymous's picture

Hi everyone, I had the same thing for about a week and a half (ass rash/crackitis) I remember in Cuba someone had told me to apply egg white and vinegar on my burnt back, the rash itself was very hot and it almost feels like a burn, so for two days in a row I applied egg white with a little bit of vinegar, this seemed to help tremendously.

Also I applied corn flour to keep it dry. This combination worked, it hasn't gone away still but I can feel it going away. The burning/itching is still there a little but not as intense.

Now I just use hemorrhoid cream at night for the itching and this seems to help as well. Good luck!

Anonymous's picture

After browsing through several websites and postings, I've FINALLY found a SOLUTION to this problem. (Polysporin, baby diaper rash cream- nothing worked. Surprisingly enough jock itch cream was the secret solution prescribed to me by my doctor (Ketoderm 2%) described as an antifungal cream used to treat athletes foot, jock itch and ringworm.

It has now been 2 days and the crack has healed and is no longer bleeding- to think I've lived with this painful crack for several months! Hope this posting can help others out there.

Anonymous's picture

Iodine work the best. I was healed in an hour or less.

Anonymous's picture

I have had asscrackitus for over 10 years been tested for everything under the sun!!
This helped me i found out its called Pruritus Ani and this link can help you fix your ass !!
Mine is still cracked but its winter and itches like you wouldnt believe.
check the link loads of info to cure your crack!!
From the british dermatology board
http://www.bad.org.uk/site/863/Default.aspx

Anonymous's picture

I finally went to a dermatologist for asscrackitis and he said it was a type of eczema. He prescribed a gel and said to use wet wipes to keep it clean. I''ver been suffering from this for over a year. This blog has given me the confidence to seek real help. Unfortunately, no other remedy worked. The doc said that 2 weeks of the cream should fix the problem now and if it occurs again. Aaaahhhh. -John

Anonymous's picture

when i sit down on a hard chair my ass feels uncomfortable. It feels like it is being stretched. a doc said i could have a sentinel pile and was sitting on scar tissue so maybe that is why it is uncomfortable. Any suggestions how i can sit down comfortably?

Anonymous's picture

Personally I think the ass is growing, I get it from time to time then I get on the scale and realize I've 5 pounds heavier

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

notenoughpoo, Poop is a timeless subject, it is a basic act that was even popular back in the stone age. They probably even joked about it back then too.

Ugh, smell like buffalo crawl up Og's ass and die!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

notenoughpoo's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

After I told you my saga, I forgot to mention that I not only wiped excessively after the sharting incident but of course I washed and continue to be very clean in that area............. I'm afraid to even look for some sort of fissure or "hole" forgodsakes. I just hope this goes away!

notenoughpoo's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Goodness, you sure seem to know alot about this malady, must be your "area of expertise" as it were. In any event, I'm thinking I got mine BECAUSE of probiotics. I don't use antibiotics but someone told me to take probiotics just to be healthier, and the day after I took them the gas pains were really bad, complete with not going poop, but sharting! And then this asscrackitis thing! These posts are discouraging, will I have this forever?? I must admit, I wiped the hell out of my crack after sharting once without knowing it and then discovering it later! Maybe I wiped so hard I "ripped myself a new one" so to speak. Geez, I'll employ these methods and hope one "sticks"
Thanks

notenoughpoo's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

geez these comments are years old, I wonder if this site is still going. Your name cracks me up. What kind of Aveeno cream, aren't there lots?

Anonymous's picture

WOW!!! I never truly expected to find a huge discussion board on this subject! I just googled the symptoms and this page came up. It is good to hear that others suffer from the same symptoms I do. My asscrackitis is located at the top just where my crack begins. My husband says it looks like one of the cats scratched me real good. It feels like a bad "scratch" also. It doesn't have any kind of smell or pus either. It just itches very badly and will not heal. It is a bad "scratch" all the time. I have used triple antibiotic ointment, medicated powder, diaper rash cream, and peroxide and still, nothing helps. I make sure it is completely dry when I get out of the shower and every time I use the restroom. I haven't wore things in a long time. I wear "boy short" underwear and rarely get wedgies. I plan on soaking in Epsom salt tonight and see if that helps. Out of all the things I have read from everyone, the only thing I haven't tried is anti-fungal cream (or would the spray be better?). Thank you for all the ideas and the support you give each other, I truly appreciate it!

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Heh. Anal fishers. I can't help it. I'm imagining some little guy sitting over a bung with a pole and a piece of corn at the end of a teeny tiny fishing pole.

(It's anal fissures.)

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Anonymous's picture

First, thank you all for your extreme candor. I feel just horrible reading these as I can unfortunately relate to this dreaded plight, but I just spent the last 30 min, non stop laughing my ass off (no pun), I got tears in my eyes, and my wife just walked by, and asked me if I was on something. Wow!

Now, I feel compelled to share what I have learned from my ass-periences. From what I have read, most sound like fungal/yeast infections. In of themselves are tough to combat due to the happy growing environment that is provided them, moist dank, with a smattering of bacteria. Diet does play a role as does folks with diabetes or other compromised immunity systems. In the normal digestive system (stomach, large poop piping, and the small poop piping) we have the necessary flora and fauna, and acids to balance PH, and keep unhealthy bacteria and fungus in check. A dose of antibiotics will crash the system or consuming too much yeasty foods, or sugar and gluten can make for a ripe chemical batch of extreme yeasties. So, the first line of defense is looking at what you ingesting on a regular bases and adjust if necessary and supplement with good probiotics like Acidophilus. If you don’t fix this problem, it’s going to return regularly, regardless of how well you clean, dry and cream. Basically, your pooper and cheeks are like toxic factories effluent pipe spewing out all sorts of nasty’s. If it emitting toxic waste, guess what, it’s going to harm the immediate environment that it comes in contact with, in this case your poop cheeks.

Fix the diet, keep the poop area clean and dry, and use an occasional anti-fungal cream to get the immediate symptoms under control. I highly recommend the blow dryer that many of you mentioned. And wash your towels after each use, you will continue to spread it if you reuse your shower towels. Especially, do this if you live in the deep hot humid south, where they won’t rack dry.

Anal fishers and hemorrhoids are something completely different. If you see fresh blood in your poop (you know you look) or on the t-paper, you should consult your physician and have a poop-scope-oscopy. These maladies are not typically associated with rashes and would be concentrated in or around the actual pooper opening, it’s a deeper problem so to speak.

Sebaceous Cyst, and Pilonidal Cyst, god help you if get one of these. Yes, I had one, and it aren’t no fun, and yes they hurt like a mofo. Also, as they are in a most inaccessible area, they require you to enlist a second party for assistance. (more later on how to recruit for this position). These (Pilonidal) are located at the base of your tail-bone, at the top of the crackage. If you have a bump, a hole or what looks like a pink vein right under the skin in that area, don’t mess with it! These are sometimes acquired at birth, (thanks mom) or formed on the go from hair and skin sloffing off enveloping into a pocket or sinuous. If and when and they will get infected, by way of close proximity to the pooper, it’s goona be a bad week for you. Typically, not in all cases, but they will not go away on their own, get inflamed from time to time and (may) require surgery to completely remove them. Do not scratch open the sinus line, it is close to the skin and easily broken, it don’t heal so fast or good, because it’s a sinus membrane. If you want to Google it, to learn more and find out all the fun stuff they find inside, it is quit surprising in some cases. Tell your partner, if your lucky enough to find one, not to stand or squat in this case, eye to cyst and try to squeeze it. The puss is THE most disgusting smelling, foul, liquid and you don’t want that squirted on your face… Just trust me on this one. If it happens, your gonna need to marry that person if you’re not already hitched.

If you’re the anal type, (i.e. like Monk) which I think you are, because you’re on this site and you r fastidious about keeping your bottom clean, knowing first hand where untidy habits can lead you to. You may have ventured into hair removal of the poopish area thus eliminating the cause of dreaded dingle berry. This practice can lead to further complications if you’re a harry beast and prone to ingrown hairs. Be very careful with that razors!

Anonymous's picture

I've been suffering from this for 5 years now. I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease and I had a very unique symptom which I fondly call Acid Butt or just Acid when it public. For me it feels like someone poured acid into my crack and then used sandpaper. My doctor never found anything and there was no discharge. Recently I acquired a crack above my butt crack which brought me to this site. I was given some cream at the hospital for my butt (begins with a C but can't remember it and need to locate it soon). Going through my drawers, here's a list of what didn't work:
Tucks Hydrocortisone cream
Balmex (zinc oxide diaper rash cream)
Johnson's No more Rash
A+D Ointment

Also, baby wipes only make it worse. They do make sure you're cleaner but they dry out your skin and only bring on more aggravated attacks. I was also given O-B Sponges to use to apply cream and I must say they are amazing. I don't know if you can get them anywhere but I love mine. They are by Kendall and are 2 ply. That's another thing. Invest in decent toilet paper. I prefer Charmin Extra Soft and have been quite displeased with the Angel Soft brand. And the more ply the better. I carry a supply of toilet paper with me as well as some kind of cream.

(sorry it was so long, I'm just so happy I'm not alone!)

Got Guts? Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America

Anonymous's picture

$4 generic jock itch cream found at any grocery store.
completely healed in a week.

pammiegapeach's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Read a bunch of these posts the other day and laughed until I cried, garnered good information and realized, above all, that I have found a group of people who understand how painful this condition is! It is amazing to find a place where we can "talk" about what is funny but not funny and be understood.

I am also glad to finally have a name to call it. I have only ever talked to a couple of people about this (in my family) and got that deer in the headlights look in return while I tried to explain it.

Here is what works for me:

First of all don't scratch! If I ever do start scratching I can't stop until I have made the area very raw, which makes it harder to deal with.

The main thing in treating is to make sure the area is clean and dry. I do this by using a baby wipe and then drying with a clean, dry was cloth.

Then I put on a plastic glove, the disposable kind that come like 50 to a box. This is so that I do not have an urge to scratch while I am applying whatever I have decided to use that day.

Desitin diaper rash ointment has been working well for me, although many of the other things posters have listed here have worked too. I think maybe it is a good idea to switch off now and again.

So I put a little Desitin (or whatever) on one finger tip of the glove and gently but thoroughly rub it in to the affected area. When I have an outbreak, I may have to do this up to three times a day.

I was also happy to be informed that regular sized people get asscrackitis as well. I have been in bed a lot for almost a year now from a foot injury and have gained a lot of weight and I figured it was the weight gain (which probably was a factor) but from reading the other posts, probably the bigger problem is not being active.

Again, good to have found this place!
_______
There is nothing more satisfying than a good poop in the morning!

There is nothing more satisfying than a good poop in the morning!

Anonymous Coward's picture

i have a crack in my crack too. i went to the doctor and she said she didn't know what it is. i also have a fissure but that is a separate issue and i am dealing with the fissure. i believe the crack is frm too much moisture and probably from using cream to alleviate the pain of the fissure. i can't caatch a break, if it's not one thing, it's something else. anyway, i am stopping using creams on my butt. i may get some vagasil or similar to see if this has something to do with yeast. i think the person who mentioned excess sugar may be on to something. i will avoid sugars. i feel like this is systemic candida

John B's picture

1 comment...Oil of Oregano. Works fantastic for me for anal itching, cracks and bleeding. Burns going on but itching relief is instant. If I feel a sore starting up I put a couple of drops on and it gets better in a couple of days. No more open, bleeding sores or cracks that develop. I used to think it was from all of the cycling that I did but my bike was down for the count for a few months and the sporadic anal problems never went away until I experimented with oil of oregano. I used it on a dog bite because there was no doctors where I was in Mexico once and I didn't want to fly back to Canada. I wouldn't recommend that to everyone but my infection from the dog bite was gone in the morning. I figured if it was strong enough for that why not try it on my anal area...with great results. This is one happy, hooked on oregano, camper. I use an organic version that I get in British Columbia when I go home for visits. I always buy extra and give it to people. Off topic but for me another miracle cure for inflammation is castor oil. Yes the crap my mother used to make me drink as a kid. I used to think she was trying to kill me. I had an incredibly sore and incapacitating swollen knee a couple of years ago and my family doctor prescribed life-shortening pharmaceuticals (prescription cost $30 and a list a page long of side effects including liver and other organ damage). A naturopathic doctor told me to buy pure castor oil at a local drug store (cost $5 and no side effects) and apply it liberally 3 times a day to the knee and wrap it with a tensor bandage...pain gone the next day, walking fine on day two, climbing stairs with no side effects on day three. Have since recommended it to friends with problems with great results. My two cents worth...

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Nice post, Chief! Your poetic description of your anus brings to mind the description of King Gordianus's concubines: "For use, not for ostentation." And yet, a little ostentation is not all bad for one's "work of art."

I haven't had a doctor view my anus lately, but my skin doctor did check my bare bottom, on which (along with most of my back) was a rough rash. She advised Dove soap and oatmeal-based salve, and she prescribed a skin lotion that the pharmacist had to mix up in the store; the rash is now gone.

Butt of the Joke's picture
l 100+ points

Taking their breath away and holding their breath are two different actions.
_______
More people flush than they do wash their hands.

More people flush than they do wash their hands.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

AC, I enjoy making my doctor look at my butthole and show it with a great deal of pride. It took me almost 70 years to develop the lovely patina that encircles it.

The wrinkles are webbed with fine brown lines just like Arizona web turquoise and the polyp that hangs in the 2 o'clock position is like a beautiful star ruby. I haven't decided which museum to bequeath this work of art to but lucky is the doctor who is allowed to view this treasure. Several of them have commented that it literally takes their breath.


_______
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous Coward's picture

I went through a week of hell, my ass crack from top to bottom was burning red itchy scaley and starting to crack. I tried vaseline and A & D ointment for diaper rash. Nothing helped I was about to see a doctor, an embarassment I was not looking forward to. As a last resort I tried an anti-fungal cream for athletes foot and jock itch. The relief was almost immediate. I had jock itch in my ass crack. 43 years old never had jock itch before and now somehow grew this fungus in my ass crack. Use the cream not the spray as it is like putting liquid fire on your rectum. Good luck I hope this helps some other poor asshole.

Raymond Conrad's picture

Mmmm. Tissue treatment worked beautifully. Just one piece of soft toilet tissue. Roll it like a cigarette then fold into a V shape. Insert in crack v pointing down. If you are like me it is held in place by the bum cheeks. This enables air to get there and keeps it all dry. No creams or anything. It took about six days but there was a big improvement after one day and a gradual improvement onward.

Raymond Conrad's picture

Thank you for the suggestion about yeast. Do not yeast problems cause itching though? I do not have itching with it just a sore crack. I'll try my tissue paper remedy first to see if it works.

Found the Cure's picture

OK folks. This site has been a blessing to those suffering from this affliction. I was distressed that no one seemed to have the answer to this problem though. My asscrackitis got to the point of being SO PAINFUL that I could no longer sit and I was dedicated to finding out EXACTLY what this was......and I did.
Folks, some were right...it's YEAST! yes YEAST! and in a matter of 24 hrs I got relief after suffering for over a month with trying different things. First off understand what encourages the growth of YEAST. Moist, warm conditions and yes,food in form of poop especially when full of the food groups they like...sugar being one of them. My outbreak became horrible after Christimas and all the sweet eating. GET OFF THE SUGAR folks, not just for your yeast but for other health reasons (this includes anything that metabloizes into sugar like breads, etc...) so once you get out of denial that it's actually a YEAST infection follow these steps. I am 100% positive you will get relief within 24 hrs..

1) Clean and dry afficted area as needed (whenever it starts to itch)
2) Apply vaginal (equate generic Walmart brand is what I used) to area
3) Avoid sitting on or wearing clothing that do not allow for airflow for the first 24-48 hrs. Also avoid bending or activities that re-injure ass "crack" allow to heal during this 24-48 hrs.
4) Once area starts to itch again (and it will) repeat by cleaning, drying, re-applying creme and allowing to "breathe"
5) You may not get immediate releif but pain will subside within 24 hrs, rash will reduce within 48 hrs
6) continue for 7 days or until rash and "cracks" are healed
7) Eliminate behavior that leads to yeast infections...i.e. antibiotic use, damp, dirty ass cracks, excessive sugar (food for yeast)to name a few

This works folks...no need to suffer anymore. It is what it is and it's YEAST! go get healed!!!

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Hello, Johnbutt: The next 'phase' you can expect is the wave of advice to see your doctor! Believe me, we on this site cannot diagnose pilonidal cysts or even fissures. Your case sounds painful and irritating. See the doc!

johnbuttcrackmustdie's picture

Hello, and thanks for the website! Perhaps i can get some feedback if what i've got is similar to what other people have experienced. I am a 50's white male, just had my yearly checkup with no "butt" issues at all. Then, one week ago, suddenly, out of the blue, i'm taking a shower and feel a "stinging" sensation coming from the top of by butt crack, just below the tailbone. Let's call this Phase I. I felt around, but nothing was there. I put some peroxide on it (ouch!) and figured it was just a minor scratch or whatever - maybe a spider bite. Day 2 comes along and it hurts alot worse than the first. I still can't feel anything there but start putting some moisturing lotion on it. On the third day or so, this sucker is getting really painful. I now begin to feel some sort of vertical "line" or crack in the skin starting at the top of my butt crack and going down maybe an inch or so. There was never any bleeding but i figured i somehow (?) developed a crack in the skin (a crack in my crack). It was extremely cold at might just before this occurred so i figured that had something to do with the skin getting dry and inelastic, causing it to crack and then lengthen due to the natural tightness of the skin around that area. I also got the idea to put some chapstick on it (wonderdrug #1). By now, the thing had become excruciatingly painful. At this point, bending over was almost impossible and putting on and tying shoes was a challenge. Sleeping was a bitch as anything which even brushed by the area caused very serious pain and discomfort. When getting into my car, i had to ease myself down onto the seat putting most of the weight on my arms, then grit my teeth until i got to work and ease myself back out. Then, i had to sit all day leaning on one butt cheek or the other. Around this time, i decided to scrap the lotions and the chapstick and solely use neosporin ointment (wonderdrug #2) (which, i discovered, now comes with topical pain relief!). Since i couldn't see back there, i got the bright idea to take some pics with my digital camera. This actually proved to be a remarkedly difficult thing to do! But i was determined. After 45 minutes and 100 or so picture attempts, i finally got some visual (a useful thing for this website perhaps). There appeared to be a nasty red line (almost like a scar) starting at the top of my butt crack and extending downward and maybe an inch long (hard to tell the actual length). I continued to slather the area with neosporin and tried to grin and bear it since, "any day now it will start to heal". Well, somewhere around the 5th day, the pain did seem to be a little less. When i applied the neosporin, i now also began to feel some "roughness" in the skin and figured that was a sign the skin was beginning to heal (well, not exactly - see below). The next day the pain was even less but then, Phase II (the itching) began. This was no ordinary itch but more akin to some fiendish terrorist torture technique. Forget waterboarding, this was itching to the point of being painful. Even the slightest touch could set off a bout of intense itching which would make you want to reach for the number 50 grit sandpaper. But, i somehow controlled myself. Fortunately, Phase II only lasted about two days. Now, the pain and itching are mostly gone (Phase I and II) but i am now into Phase III. Remember the "rough" skin i mentioned? Well, those actually turned out to be a gaggle of white irregularly shaped bumpy "blister" looking things which have now appeared on the inside of my butt cheeks (adjacent to but not on the actual "line" which i initially observed). I actually think the itching was due to these little suckers breaking through the skin as they formed (a year ago i ate some -really- spicy food and i got tiny little blisters on my fingers for several days and they itched like a bitch but only when they first formed). Ok, so that is where i am now (a little over a week after the start). Will these "butt blisters" spread or go will they go away and what are they? I haven't a clue. Looking things up on the internet yields everything from herpes to genital warts to shingles to pilonidal cysts to eczema and psoriasis. Naturally, it's easy to think you've got 'em all! Given then swiftness of the onset, i suppose it could even be an allergic reaction but why in that area? Then i stumbled upon this website and thought i would put up a post to see if any of this rings a bell with someone here. What other "Phases" can i expect to occur? Obviously, this hasn't been a protracted thing over years like many sufferers on this site have but if anyone can shed some light on what this might be, it would be appreciated! Thanks in advance!

Anonymous Coward's picture

for those with non-fungal type of this issue:

i have had the problem for years ever since being sexually active... it seems to get worse after sex... probably because the butt crack gets moist... and also like some said... worse after drinking alcohol.. and also caused by improper sitting position....

I have one sure-fire solution for some people (even though I am looking for alternative, natural, ways)... I was in Asia and had a doctor look at my eczema issue on back of my neck which I believe displayed the exact same symptoms as the butt issue... except I wouldn't let doctors see my crack... the doctor prescribed a few pills of benedryl and an ointment with generic name of diprocel. I used this ointment for both neck and butt... and it fixes problem right in a day or two, the one or two times it happens to me per year.

HOWEVER, lately since I moved to a more humid area, the problem seems to reoccur more frequently... and I do not like to use diprocel too often since it's steroid-based... I don't want all the steroids staying in my body... so I want to try out some of the more natural ways... so far I've tried corn-starch based baby powder.. which helps with moisture but doesn't cure... I also use aloe-vera gel coupled with Vaseline for temporary relief...
I am going to try the lanolin and desitin some have suggested...

If you are in real pain... ask about diprocel... that steroid works literally overnight... but just don't use it too often.

Mercedes07's picture

My fucking ass is annoying. I haven't had sex in 6 months, so unless this is bubonic plague or leprosy, I'm pissed. I'm impatient, so I tried "exfoliating" down there, and now I'm fucking bleeding! (well, "spotting," any girls on this site would know what I mean). I read most of the comments above, and I agree that if you leave it alone for a while - and do your best to keep the area dry, then you'll be OK. But I'm a thong/ boy-cut short wearer, and I have not noticed any difference in terms of thong or no thong. Maybe it's just the fucking weather. Sorry I'm so annoyed right now, but this is bullshit lol.

J Booty's picture

Hey all. I too am currently suffering from asscrackitis and thought I would throw my (#)2 cents in. This is actually a yeast infection which can develop from too much moisture, which causes yeast to grow rapidly. Eating yogurt, taking acidophilus (comes in pill form) can help. Drinking alcohol and antibiotics will cause it and/or make it worse. Hope this helps!

HomieL's picture

asscrackitis: Found some people talking here about painfull ass crack spliting, while researching a solution for my case of asscrackitis. Guys I have come up with the cure. First the problem is that it won't heal because of it's location. The split keeps trying to fuse together where it shouldnt and then splits when it starts to scab. The solution, "New Skin". Clean the wound real good,then have your wife, partner, friend (good friend) or mommy, paint a coat of liquid "New Skin down the split. It will burn like hell at first, keep the cheeks spread until this drys, only a minute or so. A hairdryer on cool helps. You will hate me at first, because of the burning sting. Do this for 3 days, do not scrub off the old painting, just reapply each day after showering. Also spray a coat of antifungal power on top for a week or more, Your problem will go away. It's worth the pain.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I got your cure Maynard, forget the pressed glass mooning and just go for the open window mooning.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Poop Chute's picture

when I spread my cheeks and look at my crack with my wifes magnified hand mirror my crack looks like a Martian landscape. No itching but I put a red ass monkey a distant second.

It seems to be creeping up the back side of my testes which are taking on a beet like color.

Went to my doctor A dermo whatever. Gave me desinoid and a hydrating cleanser which hasn't done jack shit (no pun). My wife says its the cottonele wipes. Don't know.

I can't do any pressed glass mooning with my ass looking like this.

You got a cure?????????????

Maynard S. Poopchute

sunnysmile's picture

My problem is not so much with the crack but with the butt cheeks inside the crack. I have had to sit for months due to surgery and can't lay down even to sleep. My cheeks are so sore I had open wounds a bit, but those are better now. It is now really red and irritated, I've tried triple antibiotic, hydrocort, clomatrizole....but usually for only a day or two and then try something else. I also took antibiotics for 20 days straight...maybe a yeast infection. It's been 2 months since then, shouldn't it resolve itself by now? What do I do, it hurts to sit and I have to sit all day at work. Is it just from sitting too much?

OMGGRL's picture

I need help recently my ass started to itch pretty bad, so I assumed maybe I wasn't wiping good enough. So I started to clean it out more thoroughly. That when I started to develop little cuts from my itching it. Now it itches and burns so bad I can't sleep at night!!! I've left work early once and called off once but I cant keep doing this I need help or advice asap!!! I've Used cortizone(burns like a mother),Apaphor (helps a little) Benadril (Burns like a mother!)Neosporin (kinda helps)so ne thing else ne 1 can suggest would be nice!!!

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

From this series of comments it should be obvious that there is not one exclusive cause for asscrackitis. Many possibilities can cause it, which means there are many possible cures for it. Your doctor may not know at first, but given time (and maybe some tests) he can find out. You despairing folks out there, please take the most frequently-given advice on this site: See your doctor!

pokerchampgirl's picture

I thought i was the only one. I have an itchy bunghole AND cut above my bunghole. Stings like hell when I shower....I put Vagisil on my asshole and the itching stopped and at least became more tolerable, but don't know what to do heal up this cut in between my buttcheeks. HELLLLLPPPPPPP

Porta John's picture

I am a chronic sufferer of Asscrackitis. I fight it every year when the weather turns unbearbly humid. I work out doors, which compounds the problem. My most recent case started when I took the hottest, sweatiest, greasiest, Porta-John shit of my life. When I wiped with the extremely low end tp it was equipped with I knew my fate was sealed. The remainder of my work week has been miserable, with thirteen consecutive swamp ass filled days on the books I see no sudden end to my troubles. I truely feel for my fellow sufferers.

Anonymous Coward's picture

It is a fungal yeast infection.
Go to your doctor and get help

Anonymous Coward's picture

try extra virgin olive oil, it really does work I know it sounds gross, but I have been using it for about a week and it's much better, and sleep in the nude...

Anonymous Coward's picture

I'm not sure whether mine is crackass I have these small blister like bumps on the inside of my ass at the top of my bump where yout crack starts. They are red and sore does anyone else suffer.

Bullszit diffuzer's picture

I read soemwhere that laughing cures stress and can help prevent stroke. I am happy to say as of now, I am stroke free! No , all jokes aside. I have a question to the vast many of you who are sedintarily sitting at your computer desk for hours at a time; can you hide a pencil in your crack? If you can and also have fair skin, there is a strong likely hood you will contract this condition more freaquently than others with a small or flat ass.Also know this, it is in fact an interaction between the bacterias in fecal matter (from the shoot)and the salts in human sweat that can create a breeding ground for irritation.(it is why sweat stinks so bad) Couple that with a less than adequate hygeine practice (brought on by crappy paper and wet wipes)that doesnt allow for complete drying or cleaning of the "willy". Add in excessive sitting and or sliding of the buttross cheeks and a little fecal exploration that will migrate all the way to the top of the crack and you have a recipe for delight! I also suggest that incomplete or rushed wiping (high friction) practice can lead to irritations, especially if your diet is high in fats and acids and low in fiber(loose stool). You see, at the first sign of irritation we stop wiping to completeness. Then that actually stirs the pot so to speak. A little pain and you are more than ready to be too gentle when wiping your tooter. So heres the suggestion to all of you, who I am happy to say, are as full of it as I have been all my life; get a good shower (often in this order Shlit, shower, shave) with the coolest water you can stand, as close to the time you poop as possible. Then, while showering, get in the habit of inserting your clean little finger with a small amount of soap (gentle and mild with no perfume) into your anus and clean the friggin shoot. About a half of an inch is all you will need to be sufficiently clean, then irrigate with plenty of cool water. Then gently massage the region with the other clean hand and soap (wash them off in between to avoid re exposure of internal bacteriums)until you experience a mild stinging. This means you have in fact cleaned back to raw skin. This will create a "healing crisis" which will be deliberatly corrected by your immunity as the body prepares the nessesary response(grow new skin, occurs naturaly on about a 30 day cycle). Allow the willy to dry completely (this is essential)and for as long as is humanly possible. Ask your significant other to fill in for you while you recover to a nice and dry ass. Then you will be ready to prepare for the next step. Apply a small amount of non irritating powder to your rose and enjoy the efforts you endured. Now as far as long term relief goes; you will surely need a reduction in your rear side (cheeks) to eleveate the azz cheek grinding that is causing the fecal to work its way up and out the shoot and up to the top of your silly flaking crack. You will undoubtably have to resort to some form of sweat producing activity to permanently stave off the condition. "Get up off that thang, and make yourself feel better"! Words to live by. If you cant jog or fast walk at lunch, go dancing at the club or play in the yard with the kids(20 -30 minutes aday).If that is too painfull, take a pill or something self medicating then dance your azz off.... Or simply act more childish than you do and go burn some of that azz fat off like a 3 yr old. When you recieve your new crack reduction(through hard strenuos work) you will gain in other areas of your life as well.Eliminate the hard cheap conditioners in your hair, they contain harmful plasticizers that further irritate your bumm, find an alternative hypo allergenic or organic conditioner and do the azz cleaning routine after your hair rinse. Try to keep your crack closed while rinsing to prevent the conditioner from contacting your anus area. Continue to work towards balanced health and a balanced PH and reduce the fatty/acid intake and your willy will thank you, and your love life might improve too. Good luck to all. I know this was long winded, but nessesary.....

A.'s picture

I've been through this!
Fortunately mines only lasted for a few days.
And only hurt when I bothered it.
And I know exactly how I got it....
From not drying my crack all the way when I left the shower.
I didn't put any chemicals on it except Poroxide [stuff thats usually found in the brown bottles] only to prevent infection.
If you leave it alone and don't split your cheeks to look at it then it should heal perfectly within a few days.

Corn Dogg's picture

When you finally heal up and there's no sign of chapped ass you feel crack-tastic. The medical term for the euphoria you experience is known as "ass-crack-topia"!.

MY SOLUTIONS's picture

Micro cracks are also known as Pruritus ani, which are itchy, painful, and swollen sometimes. Large cracks are called anal fissures. I could barely move for a couple of years until i discovered that soap was the cause of all my problems. Rinsing in shower, or using bidet, is all I can do nowadays, but I have my life back. Doctors are clueless sometimes. hope this helps someone else.

BurningButtCheeks's picture

I have this same problem for 2 years, burning butt cheeks that burn, itch, bleed, especially when its either really hot or dry out, I have learned of some cures, for one thing it helps to sleep naked, another thing that really helps, make sure you drink 8 glasses of water a day and also if its hot or dry drink more water, this is something that helps me alot.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Here's something that worked for me. I had a situation where I had a slit and red, inflamed skin right at the top of the crack, below my tailbone.

It came and went and was really annoying, but nothing I did seemed to help.

Then, I remembered something I used to do as a child.

When I was little and would walk in the dew barefoot, I would get a slit under my pinky toe -- and I used to put rubbing alcohol on it to get rid of it.

So, I decided that maybe this problem on my butt crack was similar -- caused by moisture.

So, I took a QTip and put rubbing alcohol on the slit.

It burned -- oh, oh, oh -- it burned! Wow.

But I put it on every day, and each day the burn was a little less.

And now, the slit/chapping is gone. I still use the rubbing alcohol every day (and some days there's still a tiny burn).

I'm assuming that the alcohol kept the area dry, so it could heal. And alcohol also kills germs.

I'm not sure why it helped, but it's been very nice not to have that spot all inflamed and sore!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

No gene.....I have no broblem at all, I recently stared increasing my meat intake and moatly I am OK.

br>_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

gene's picture

I have a problem with acid foods, when I used to eat meat a lot I was getting a bad red burn arond my crack with oozing. then it would become scabish then would flake off moatly when I scrached. would last a week or more.
Stared reducing meat intake now even chicken .does any one have this kind of broblem

Johnny Cracks Corn's picture

Damn you asscrackitis!! I've got itchies and a small crack or two right on my brown star. Here is my tail of woe from last week...

I'm was on a first date at one of those tiny tables for two. I start getting the scratchies down there (you know where) after course 1 of our 27 course meal. 'Excuse me, I'll be right back' and I race to the restroom for a festival of scratching. Inevitably, I must go back to the table. I spend the next 7 hours (seemed like 7 hours) trying to wiggle around in my chair...if sit on the edge of my seat feigning rapt attention to stories about Yale and study abroad I can scratch my brownie just enough to get through dinner. Finally the check arrives and I have some sort of itching reprieve. 'Would you like to come back to my place for a drink?' Sure why not, that sounds great, what could be better. Many drinks later we are on her couch halfway undresed and an unexpected guest arrives...it's asscrackitis, feeling neglected, wanting to join the party, 'What about me...I won't be ignored'.

SHE: Passion mounting
ME: Must scratch crack
SHE: Off with the bra
ME: Must scratch crack
SHE: Off with the panties
ME: MUST SCRATCH CRACK!!!!
SHE: I'll be right back, don't go anywhere
ME: Salvation! scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch; Race to the sink to wash hands; Race back to the couch and fake a suave urbane demeanor

Is there a fungus among-us...too much moisture, too dry. What the F's going on down there? Thanks for all advice on the site.

poor poor crack owner's picture

omg! i cant believe there's a online support group for this! i thought something was seriously wrong with me.
Mine is not near my hole... its at the top of my butt crack right under my tail bone... I first used vaseline which was ok...(took the pain away) but I STRONGLY STRONGLY recommend polysporin triple action I used it for 2 nights with no clothes when I sleep and today its a lil itchy... but that means its healing :)

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

Get a car seat that allows air to circulate while you are are driving or a passenger.

Chappy McCrackass's picture

I am new to asscrackitis, and was oh-so-ashamed until I found this website. I felt a burning pain above my ass a few days ago, and I asked my hubby to look and he says it's all red and cracked.

Oh yeah,...it's asscrackitis.

I'm so relieved to know that I'm not alone. I've been managing as best I can with vaseline, but think that I'll try some of the powder and dry-out methods you all have suggested,...I'll let you guys know how oit torns out.

Yours in Chapass
Chappy McCrackass

Anonsorebumus's picture

Had the phenomenon of asscrackitis for more years than I care to mention. Tried every cream under the sun, became OCD on cleanliness, wiping, baggey cotton shorts, etc. Although many creams I've used have relieved symptoms and reduced the pain and swelling, none have irradicated it sufficently for me to forget that I've got the problem. That was until I became so desperate to stop the itching and soreness I tried a cream I had used on a fungal foot infection of my son TRIMOVATE - contains Clobetasone butyrate, oxytetracycline, nystatin. Having read the blurb I can see how all three play a part in the cure. Iuse about a half pea size amount approx. twice a week and can say now I don't have a problem. If I forget to use it for about a week (because I dont have the problem!!!). I'm soon reminded I need to apply a little cream because a little itching and tenderness start creeping back into my life. One small tube has lasted me about a year.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Raspex Skin Gel is nice. Also try Argentyn 23 First Aid Gel.

Ass Cracked's picture

I am so happy I discovered this page. Asscrackitis is real and I have been suffering for 3 days now. It is literaly a real pain in the ass to function like a normal person. Not only does it make it difficult and uncomfortable to move my bowels...it is hard to clean this area without feeling sharp needle like pains in the crack. So I am now trying Aveenos cream with 1% Hydrocotisine and will sleep naked and only wear cotton underwear. Hopefully this will cure my ass.

anonymous coward's picture

I feel everyones pain... I too have these problems, and I went to the doctor and he tried to tell me I had herpes without even doing a test. It looks nothing like herpes! My ass is chapped from my butt getting infected from getting torn and the infection chapped the entire area between my butt cheeks, but now I am on antibiotics for the infection so hopefully the chafing goes away soon. :-)

Zorro's picture

The guy with the Apple and the rubbing alcohol is right.60 seconds of agony.A ring of fire but then absolute peace for 12 hours or more if you'r lucky. If you think you cant go through with it have a jug of ice cubes to hand.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

JIm by crackee, you got a pic to share with your butt sock?
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Butt pits???


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Jim, by crackie's picture

I've suffered with this all my life (I'm 62). In my youth it went away with some cremes from the medicine cabinet. In my teens I went to the dr. and was given a cortisone creme 1%. A few years ago the rash started and a fungus infection developed and a dermatologist gave me an antifungal creme and cortisone 2%. I'm currently going through a tough episode (4 months) accompanied with fungus. I had some creme and that killed the fungus but I still have the pain and itching and the 2% creme isn't helping. I'm trying something new. When I'm home I'm putting a white sock turned inside out tucked in my crack. I'm hoping this wicks away the moisture. Last night it worked great--slept all night; today as I watch TV I have one inserted. I think some of us have fat cheeks that press together not allowing normal drying of the skin--we have a lot of crack moisture. It's the pits.

Shazam's picture

After several years of frustration, two weeks of Elidel cream, available by prescription, HEALED my asscrackitis.

After that, routine cleansing with 1% Nizoral shampoo and application of Zeasorb AF keeps things fixed.

Avoid hydrocortisone and other steroids unless you must use them...steroids thin the skin and will make things worse over time.

If your butt itches after eating spicy food, Aspirin is a much bigger help than you would suspect.

- Shazam

WTF's picture

I posted earlier on 7/21/09. You can read that earlier post for my symptoms, their the same as yours....except I never had "the split" that some have mentioned. I have been to doctors about these symptoms and all three times they have said, nope you are not going to die and that this is most probably caused by individual body chemistries and sweaty and wet conditions down there. I suffered with this for over two years, and now I finally seem to have gotten it under control. First let me say that I tried ALL the hemhroid creams and baby butt creams and anti fungal creams and sprays and yeast infection creams. Nothing worked for me. The last time I saw my doctor he told me to keep my crack clean and dry. He told me to use wet baby wipes to thoroughly clean up after a poo. So here is my routine that FINALLY seems to have cured me after over 2 years of HELL.

Just remember clean and dry......clean and dry.
1. Shower in the morning.....dry it out and apply baby powder in the crack....I use J&J cornstarch baby powder.
2. During the day when I poop, I will wipe with regular toilet paper and then chase it with a wet baby wipe to finish up the clean job and get all the excess poo out there ( trust me, you miss a little...works like a champ) and then reapply baby powder to the crack (keeps it dry all day) Do this after every poop or if you haven't pooped during the day, you can baby wipe it and powder it just to keep it clean and dry.
3. Shower before bed (or just baby wipe the region) and either baby powder it or you can even use a couple of squares of TP rolled up into a butt crack tampon to keep you dry all night.
4. Occasionally you can apply some desitin or other baby butt cream to provide a little cream down there if you think you are overdrying it.
5. When I excersize (run or bike) I will apply a good amount of "Aquaphor" to the region - a baby butt product you can find in the baby product aisle. And seems to ward off the sweaty conditions that used to cause asscrackitis flare ups after working out. helps with chaffing as well.

Repeat this routine daily and hopefully you will have the same great results I did. I finally feel normal again after over two years

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Thanks for the information AC, you should register and become a Poop Reporter. Most of our readers are hardened adults and you could, if you so desired, just call it an ass crack rather than a buttock crease:))

You gave very good advice when you said it would be a good idea to have your blood sugar level checked. I would go a step further and tell everyone if you have diabetics in your family or if you are at risk for type two diabetes for any other reason you should test your blood glucose level yourself periodically.
Wall-Mart sells a blood glucose meter for only $9.00 and strips for it are only $9.00 for twenty strips. Checking your glucose level twice a week is very inexpensive. A normal reading should be between 80 and 120. If levels started exceeding that a doctor should be consulted or major changes in diet should be made. The brand name of the meter and strips is ReliOn.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous Coward's picture

Great website. People need an anonymous place to go to talk about these personal issues and get support and help.

CURE FOR CHAPPED, INFLAMED AND SPLITTING BUTTOCK CREASE:

You have a long-standing fungal infection compounded by bacteria that have propagated in the diseased area.

DO THIS MORNING AND AT NIGHT:

SHOWER and thoroughly cleanse buttock crease. Use an antifungal soap such as "Medicated Fungi Cure" Alva Pharmacal. Available at the drug store.

DRY the buttock crease thoroughly and blow dry with a hair dryer on COOL setting. DO NOT use hot air as it will damage the skin.

SPRAY the buttock crease with LOTRIMIN antifungal spray powder.

APPLY an anti-bacterial ointment such as NEOSPORIN or drug store brand directly to the open, chapped area.

You WILL notice great improvement after about 2-3 days. However, KEEP DOING THIS REGIMEN FOR TWO WEEKS OR ELSE THE INFECTION WILL COME BACK.

Later, have your blood sugar tested to make sure you are not diabetic. Diabetics have an especially high frequency of infections.

At the first signs of infection later, treat right away and the infecion will be gone.

DON'T FEEL ASHAMED OR EMBARRASSED about this condition. Opportunistic infections happen to almost everyone at one time or another. YOU are in control. Give it hell with the above instructions. It simply can't withstand the kind of ASSault you are about to inflict upon it!

Good luck.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

AC, I can't talk to the peaople around me like I talk to poopreporters either. Noone wants to hear my poo problems.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Anonymous Coward's picture

Wow, great site. I get this usually after a night of hard drinking and bar food, which usually leads to multiple messy poops the next day. when I get it it is brutal - walking is terrible, sitting as well, and wiping, wow. What also hurts like hell is showering with it - yowsers. Mine has always gone away after a night of sleeping naked - which I'm doing now. Also love the poster who said they helped tons of people by suggesting some cure - I can't imagine actually talking to people about this!

Anonymous Coward's picture

Boudreaux's Butt Paste is the best thing. Is this really happening to me????? Has it ever been diagnosed anything else, more serious???

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Have you tried baby powder? Mexsana makes some nice stuff, and it might keep you dry and medicated at the same time.

Dying to Sleep's picture

I've been having this problem for a few years now, but only at night. After several different doctors and remedies that seemed to work temporarily but then wear off, I learned that this may be caused by a weird form of sciatica because of a long-ago injury to my tailbone. For a time, heat helped, but it is difficult to keep against the area because I keep turning on my side! This problem is a torment...

FoundTheCure's picture

Lanolin - Somebody mentioned it earlier. That's what cured it for me. It's on the baby aisle, for nursing mothers' sore nipples. Probably took a week or so of applying it twice a day. But I no longer have the problem.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Also suffering with this condition. Am ready to try Lotramine. Found the following on NETDOCTOR:
Itchy bottom
Question
The top layer of skin between my buttocks often gets spotty, it then breaks and becomes itchy and the skin deep in the cleavage above the anus cracks and becomes painful.
Treatment with a healing cream like Sudocrem seems to help, but as soon as I stop using this, the condition returns. I had Canesten anti fungal cream for an infection a few years ago, but the current problem does not want to go away and does not bear the symptoms of the previous fungal infection.
My personal hygiene regime includes a twice-daily cold hose-out (no soap used) with the shower head to help prevent infections but this has not really helped. I seem to be unable to control this problem, can you advise a solution?
Answer
This is a common and characteristically recurring problem.
Anywhere on the body where skin touches skin, such as the natal cleft you describe, the warmth and moistness makes it a perfect place for the incubation of yeasts and fungi. All of us are covered with a variety of bacteria, yeasts and fungi. What is remarkable is not that we occasionally develop infections, but that our immune systems keep us free of them for most of the time.
The response to Canesten cream would suggest that this is either a yeast or fungal infection causing an associated eczema/dermatitis. Most commonly these are yeast infections and creams such as Canesten or Nystan help to reduce the infection. If there is irritation it also helps to add Hydrocortisone cream to reduce this. There are several products that combine the two ingredients.
Once you have cleared the problem, keeping the area thoroughly clean and dry will help keep it at bay. Constant use of creams is not to be recommended as it will ultimately reduce the body's natural protection.
If you find your infection very resistant to treatment, do ask your GP or Practice Nurse to check your urine for sugar to exclude diabetes. It can sometimes make itself known through an increase in such infections.
Yours sincerely
The Medical Team
Last updated 28.02.2007

Hope it helps someone. The neosporen hasn't been much help and A&D is soothing but temporary. Off to stop at the pharmacy.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

WTF, find another doctor. Pruritis ani(itchy asshole) is not normal and it is treatable.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Eczema Bum's picture

Well hello from the good ole U of K! I wasn't aware that my long suffering symptom (5+ years) had a name outside our family home - my kids absolutely love to call me Eczema Bum ( bet they can't spell it!). Asscrackitis eh? very tongue in cheek! What a lovely day it is tho to know I am not alone + my kids will be chuffed with the new name for it too + I'm sure my wife will get a little relief in knowing I'm not the only freak with it (I don't think we are freaks, well maybe some of you). Not sure what mine is but located at the very top of ass crack going due south about 2" & 1" east & west (estimated not gps calculated or wife+ruler notified). Symptoms are inflamed at night caused by sweat normally after excessive alcohol intake, very itchy, a bit sore but mainly a little baboon like - maybe I'm just trying to arouse my wife with this show of virility? I have tried a hydrocortizone cream that was out of date for 2 years (used sparingly & sporadically) but I am unable to see any course of medicine through especially when for a day or 2 all seems well - or maybe, secretly I like my affliction? I did think it could be fungal but the thought of this isn't appealing so I'm going to ignore that diagnosis in favour of the lame 'dry skin'. I have been procrastinating on a trip to the chemist to buy some Eczema Bum dry skin eradicator for a few months but with the warm weather exacerbating my condition I have promised my arse crack I will do something soon. And so I have! Are these few words the beginning of the road to recovery? Or have I in finding fellow sufferers become more confident, proud and attatched to my condition? I'll certainly keep you posted on the progress of my Eczema Bum and face the future (& chemist) with more confidence knowing I have something special. Work now calls that will no doubt lead to the excessive intake of alcohol. Toodaloo!

WTF's picture

WTF! Symptoms started out of nowhere. Seriously, I was walking home from work and BANG!...this insane itch right in the anus that could not be soothed just popped out of my ass. I mean a deep deep itch. Luckily it was dark(dont think anyone saw), because I involuntarily started digging and clawing at the itch. Finally got it scratched and calmed down, but over the next few days it re-appeared sporatically but not as intense as when it first happened. After about a week the itching ceased, but was replaced with a chapped, cracked, burning sensation...when I wipe there was little bright specks of blood from the cracking. I thought I had hemroids, so I just applied over the counter creams. I did also try anti fungal creams and yeast infection creams and nothing has worked, Later on, the symptoms morphed again. Now the chapping, burning, cracking is accompanied by what others on here have referred to as 'swamp ass'- light discharge of greasy foul smelling general wetness down there. Like I am sweating too much....except it defintely is more prevelent when the other symptoms flare up. It now goes in cycles, it will go in the background for 4-7 days (I can still feel it in the background...but it goes away enough that I feel normal)....then flares up to uncomfortable levels of irritation, burning and swampyness for a day or two and then goes back in the background. I am even noticing that it flares up when I get sick and my immune system is stressed.

I have asked two doctors about this and they have both spread my cheeks and looked in my ass and they both said "it is normal" and "quite common". And told me to put Desitin on it!!! I cant believe this? This doesn't feel normal. And reading through all these posts, It does sound like many suffer from this. We should all kick in 100 bucks and have a medical researcher come up with a cure. But maybe like the common cold, there is no cure? This totally sucks ass!!!!!!! Anyone out there have any latest info on this. When I go see my doctor again in a few weeks, I will bring it up again out of desperation.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Pampered Ass.....Why don't you join our group? After having made a few posts and proven that you are not a spammer, we don't like them either, your comments will be posted as soon as you make them. Lots of fun and a form of therapy for many of us.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Pampered Ass's picture

Wow. I guess everything's out there. Stuff I never even thought of. Had to go look up scatological.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Comments of a purely political nature from either the left or right are not approved. Comments that are of a scatological fetish nature are not approved. Comments that have links to porn sites or scat fetish sites are not approved. I hope this answers your question Pampered Ass.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Pampered Ass's picture

"Your comment has been queued for moderation by site administrators and will be published after approval."

You have got to be kidding me. Judging by the past comments I would love to know what kind of comments DON'T meet your "approval".

Pampered Ass's picture

I feel your pain. Buy some Gynelotrimin 3 day cream from drugstore.com. This would be a good solution for the guys who don't want to be seen purchasing female yeast meds at their local grocery store in front of the teenage checkout girl. Smear it all over the chapped area after every bathroom break. My son had a yeast infection in the diaper area as a baby. I didn't know it was yeast, because it wasn't gooky like a vaginal yeast infection. It was red, chapped, itchy and painful. I kept trying different creams, but female yeast meds finally worked. Please try this. I wish you success, I know how terrible it is to walk around with this. Your skin will be back to normal soon. Please let me know if this works for you.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Ouch owowowowowowowow Ow ow ow I have an open area about 9 o'clock anusly that hurts and burns and itches and make my left butt cheek ache. It is from too much wiping since last weekend. I have been using zinc oxide. If it is not improving by Monday, I am taking my asshole to the doctor. The pain is unbearable.Ow owowowowowowow Ow ow ow ow ow ow. Whining is no use because noone hears me. Ouch. I wonder if Orajel will stop the pain and burning. Ow ow ow. I don't have any Orajel. Ugh.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Dr.s' Doggin and T-Butt to this story, STAT!!! We got more butt pus!!!


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Itchy Crack's picture

Well... went to the doc this am. Diagnosis: pilonidal sinus with abcess. Prognosis? SURGERY! No shit. The following excerpts, from an article entitled "Pilonidal Sinus" by one John Bascom, M.D., Ph.D. (who apparently wrote the book on this type of asscrackitis), does a great job of explaining this, and the preferred course of care. You can find the article if you Google "pilonidal sinus" and "bascom." Seriously, I very strongly encourage those of you with itchy (and painful) butt cracks to read the article.

All kidding aside, this issue affects a surprising number of men AND WOMEN, and is not limited only to fat men with hairy, sweaty butts. Seriously, folks, don't fuck around with this! Get thee to a doctor RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

Here are the excerpts:

ETIOLOGY:

Pilonidal disease is acquired when gravity pulls the buttocks and cleft from the bone so strongly that skin stretches. Pulling forces that focus between the bottom of the cleft and the angle of the sacrum stretch the skin. Skin stretches at the bottom of a follicle, where it is thinnest. The stretched follicle breaks down, and an acute or chronic abscess results. Hair is a secondary invader.

* * *

CLINICAL PRESENTATION

Patients with pilonidal disease may ask for advice about tiny asymptomatic pits or pores at the bottom of the cleft. Tenderness while doing sit-ups is a common complaint. A tender or nontender nodule may be palpable. One-fifth of such patients seek care for the severe pain and tenderness of an acute abscess. Four- fifths of patients with pilonidal disease present with moisture and drainage and
occasional bleeding. They report few or no episodes of pain or tenderness and have no history of a previous acute abscess. Examination shows one to fifteen tiny openings in the midline or a larger granulation-filled slit opening into a cavity. A secondary opening may lie a few centimeters above. Discharge is minimal to copious.

Hairs singly or in tufts often lie in the openings and may be surprisingly long when withdrawn. Unhealed wounds show thin skin that bridges over a cavity or a scarred trench filled with loose granulations.

* * *

RECOMMENDED TREATMENTS

Acute Abscess

For patient comfort, drain the acute abscess semiurgently.
Do not wait for redness and edema before incising.

* * *

A pointed blade opens a drainage incision parallel to the
midline and 2 cm to one side of it. The knife stops when
pus first appears. In lieu of packs, which cause pain,
excise from one side of the incision a 5-mm circle of skin
to prevent premature closure. Antibiotics are unnecessary.
Delay further treatment for I week, and then treat as a
chronic abscess. This delay clears the edema that hides
midline holes that must be seen and removed in order to
cure the disease.

Relief is immediate. Only rarely does an acute abscess
reseal before curative treatment. The advantages of
prompt drainage are simplicity, certainty, and quick relief.
The only disadvantage is the need for a second procedure.

Chronic Abscess

Four-fifths of patients with pilonidal disease come to
the surgeon with a chronic abscess and NO HISTORY OF A PRIOR RECOGNIZABLE ACUTE STAGE.
Chronic abscess patients selected for the treatment outlined below have one to ten
holes in the midline occasionally with a larger hole to one side. They are free of acute inflammation. I do not treat
asymptomatic patients who have holes that are dry and have never been painful. However, patients who have recently had pain are operated on because a chronic abscess
usually lies below the midline. If a short slit is found in the midline, treat it like any other chronic abscess. If the slit is long, treat it like an unhealed incision.

Excerpted from Pilonidal Sinus, pp. 1-4.

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

Is stage IV crack-itis also known as Plumber Crackitis ?

Itchy Crack's picture

Seems like we have two types of asscrackitis: type 1 asscrackitis is the itchy butt crack type, and is probably bacterial/fungal due to swamp ass or sweaty ass crack. Type 2 asscrackitis is the burning/tearing kind, complete with one or two inch tear. This is probably related to pilonidal sinus disease, which is a nasty, nasty kind of asscrackitis that I very much hope I do not have!

Going to the doc tomorrow am, will report back to see if my asscrackitis typing is effective. Oh, my asscrackitis (probably type 1, since it's very, very itchy) started late last week and was (is) hella itchy! Since I sweat like a mofo, *particularly* in my ass crack, AND sit for 12 hours on a pleather office chair AND work out twice a week (meaning yet more sweaty ass crack) AND swim twice a week, it's probably bacterial/fungal, and not some draining ass crack sinus thingee.

As I said, going to the doc tomorrow, will report back with the results.

Poopsy McGee's picture
l 100+ points

I'd like to bestow upon you a recent pearl of wisdom imparted on us by the illustrious El Scumbag. Nivea cold cream.

There is also a thing called Butt Paste (maybe made by Dr. Bronner's) used mainly for baby's bottoms, but it must work for grown-ups too.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear AC....Go to your local farm supply store and ask for "Bag Balm", it was designed with cow tits in mind but also works well on chapped hands or asses.

Doctor Thunderbutt, Ass specialist. (If you are female Dr. Thunderbutt will personally rub the ointment in.)


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous Coward with ass chapping's picture

i am an ass chapped veteran. not of war, but of ass chapping. where does one go to purchase ass balm? is there such a thing? if so, what is it called?

Anonymous Coward's picture

I got this out of the blue, I'm guessing from wearing pants that were too tight and not breathable :( Putting cream on my butt crack helped initially, but I think in the long run it makes the problem worse or prolongs the healing. What works for me is two showers a day to keep things clean and dry and then sleeping in the nude from the waist down for the past few days has helped, and I stopped using the cream. My ass crack is looking less inflamed since stopping the cream so it must be the right thing. I hope it goes away altogether soon. Every now and it gets incredibly itchy and scratching makes matters worse.

Broken Butt's picture

I am a chronic sufferer of this affliction. I'm pretty sure it's due to my diet of fast food, spicy food, alcohol, soda, etc.. I'm 29, and I think I'm beginning to realize that: The older I get, the more the bad things I like to do are going to hurt me. :(

Anonymous Coward's picture

My stink hole has been on fire for over 2 weeks and getting worse. So I've been using wet ones for about 3 months and I think... I think that's it but now my ass is so god damn angry it doesn't like anything but those god damn jesus soft wipes. I'm not sure what to do but one of us has to win... my ass or the wipes so far ass:0 wipes:1. My stink hole, lava hole, brown eye is red. DAMN YOU BROWN EYE! I can tell you what doesn't work... vaseline, it's helps but it's still there it kinda puts things at bay. Cortizone itches like hell but seems to be oaky but I think it's pisses it off worse. Hand cream no good. Hemmroid cream real bad. And that's about it. :9 I'm going to fight with my stink hole.

redhead with too much red in his crack's picture

atleast someone can answer my question. i work in a place where i have to run around alot and it gets really hot. so i sweat alot and dont really have much chance to cool off. so hopefully sleeping nude will help dry and air out my crack. i also have the "scent" problem and i have been kinda disgusted with myself like im not clean. lol

Anonymous Coward's picture

I had a fungus, Lotramine helped but wouldn't cure it, DR. prescribed lotion was the same, finally tried Zeasorb AF powder and 10 days later, I think I'm cured. Going to keep powdering my pooper for a few more days though.

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

If you cannot shower more than once a day, use a baby wipe to clean. Then, to get rid of the moisture caused by the baby wipe, use compressed air from a can purchased at the office supply store. Please understand that the air will be very cold so there is the danger of going from crackaditis to frostbite ass.

Crackalicious NOT's picture

My itchyness feels like it is extremely dry. I itch the top of the crack to where it is raw. Now my just under my ball sack is where I am rubbing it raw. So my crack is raw in two places... Any suggestions??????????

Assfault's picture

I give up. I've tried every cream suggested by surgeon and natural organic product too. Surgeon has no idea what is wrong. Cracking skin under tail bone. He was looking to see if I had developed a channel fistula from an abscess I had back in September. He stabbed me with some kind of shrimp fork probe. Then put silver nitrate on it. Not sure what I did in my past life but, whatever it was I'm really sorry. Does anyone have any advice. If I could give it away to my worst enemy, I would!

Bloody Underwear's picture

I sure hope the vasaline, lamisil, haridryer, burts bees, vicks, desitin, blistex works.

I have ruined enough underwear for a lifetime!

blade runner's picture

I too suffer from this dreaded malady. It has been in my family for generations. An old remedy passed down from my Grandmother is to wrap the buttocks tightly with duct tape for 2-3 days. Works for me every time.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Well isn't that special Mr Bilgepump.

The Church Lady

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Who in the hell approved that fucking nasty assed comment? Mother fucking degenerates! I am absolutely appalled at the shitty fucking language here. I'm so goddamned upset I think I fucking pissed myself. And then there are the pisspoor attempts to hide fucking vulgar language with symbols, you aren't fooling anyone here, we're all clairvoyant, dumbass.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

I cannot believe spelled the entire goddamned word out.

Sinner.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Naughty, naughty. Third sentence from the bottom, you spelled out a$$. Be fucking careful with that shit, will ya?

Logjam

Anonymous Coward's picture

Its so hard to find ANY health professional who will comment or advise on this malady. Dayum my a$$ ruins my good time and I have asked the Q&A of even the least uptight Physician only to have them reel with transparent disgust at the prospect of adressing it as a real or potentialy serious problem!
Bas^ardz!! Anyways I am here to tell you that as suggested above; taking my a@@ for a walk or to the beach and talking candidly with it about life and stress has enabled me to enjoy some relief at least.
It seems to be very sensitive and wants consideration thats all. I mean I am going to treat it with TLC first and whatever it needs to stay cool BUT as long as I ignore it.. it tells me it will scream murderously at me with the only voice it owns if I again ever take it for granted. The ass is alive people treat it with a little love; as with anything it goes a long way.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I have been having these bouts for about 5 years now. I will get a sore at the top of my crack and it would sometimes take weeks to heal. I thought it was from too much moisture. I finally realized it was a yeast infection. The monistat wouldn't work but the triconazoledoes. I tried anti-fungal, anti-biotic creams. Powders, diaper rach ointments. But the trico works. I went to the docs for med refills before the end of the year and I had one starting. He told me it was a cold sore (you know like you get on your mouth? No, doc. I have never had one. I think it's a yeast infection. No it's not. I'll perscribe this very expensive cream and it should be gone in a couple of days. It will go away in 10 days anyway.) BS I used the cream. Didn't work. Over 2 weeks and it's still not gone. Going back to the triconazile. After researching this, I haven't associated this with herpes. I have associated it with using wet wipes. Wet wipes are great for babies asses, which BTW is when I decided to start using them on my ass. About 5 years ago when I aquired my 2 grandkids my little one was still in diapers. I figured if they were good enough for him they should do good on keeping my ass cleaner too. Well, The moisture has caused me to get frequent yeast infections. Thanks to that %#@$%^&* doctor I have to try and convince my husband of 20 years (who works out of town) that I don't have herpes. Who the hell wants it or has time in your 50's raising kids all over again? It's all about WET WIPES! They are not to be used sliding up the crack of your ass.

 WTFisWmyCrack?'s picture

My friends, it has been a long time since I've posted to this site but I have experienced a revelation! I had a bad bout and none of my old tricks were working for quite a long time. I was desperate and have found a solution, I believe. Burt's Bees!!!! the peppermint lip balm stick, either the white one or the clear! OMG, the relief is almost immediate. I won't lie, there is bit of a bite to it but the cooling is magnificent and provides relief the same day. please try this and tell me how it works for you.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Mine started with a roid, I think the roid cream gave the itch a start. After reading this site's suggestions, I wash it with alcohol and later, treat with lamisil, 2 times a day. After 4 days my ass feels better than it has in 6 months! No more burning or leakage! I had cracks that radiated from my hole, these are going away. Walking was causing it to bleed and jogging was impossible, not now. Thanks from the bottom of my crack.

the cracker's picture

ok, i thought i was the only one who ever felt the actual ripping apart of her ass crack skin and screamed in pain. As my husband has said, "i believe you, I have seen your ass crack before my very eyes" and he didn't mean it in his usual fun, dirty way. Now I know, many an ass cracks out there.
Usually starts, and stays, for a short time at the top where my crack starts. Just enough to hide it away and store any moisture, or whatever the hell causes it. And always at the start of or during winter.
Finally , I had it so bad that I had multiple cracks running along my ENTIRE ass crack. I didn't know if I should get a palmist to try and read my new "line" or go to the doctor. Something was definitely angry at me or trying to get me a message. I picked the doctor. He told me infection and gave me antibiotics. That's because he is dumb. I went to a girl nurse practitioner. YEAST INFECTION! gross! I have had trouble with candida in the past and it had gotten through my system so badly that my normal girly parts had no symptoms, it was just living wildly on top of my skin, particularly my asscrack skin in winter.
Sorry to be so detailed, but it took lots of other symptoms and years for me to find out I have a yeast sensitivity. It took 2 diflucan a day for 2 weeks, and 1 a week for 3 months to clear all my symptoms (asscrackitis cleared in about 2 weeks).
If this happens regularly to you, have your doctor do a skin swab for ALL types of yeast, even the rarer forms. And air it out, change your diet, cotton or nudity is best.
Wow, that was a lot of info about my nether parts. sorry. but hope it helps someone

loaf pincher's picture
l 100+ points

agitated anus please take sittingpretty's advice you need to see a doctor you already have an "agitated anus" you sure don't want an angry beaver to deal with to

Soooo grateful's picture

I have been suffering from this skin breaking for 20 years. I thought at first I had caught herpes. I never told my doctor because I was so embarrased. I noticed that it is related to stress. When I am one week from my period my skin breaks out for 3 to 4 days.
I love this site. I have been laughing out loud with tears coming down my face. You guys have saved me from believing the worst.
I use vaseline just to stop the pain, desitin sometimes work. I keep the area there dry and clean it,that works sometimes. I also believe it is caused by sitting and sweating in that area. God Bless. We will all be okay.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

It does sound like you might have a fungal infection. You might need some Diflucan by mouth. Go to your gyno if you don't have a primary care physician. you would probably benefit from a prescription antifungal agent. The best thing to do really is take your ass to the doctor.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Agitated-Anus's picture

I too have been suffering from this chapped crack syndrome. The problem is now that it seems to be spreading...I am a female and not to be too horribly graphic...down towards the opening of my vagina I'm all red and itchy too. It's super frusterating. I'm wondering if I now have a yeast infection? The yeast cream isn't helping, nor helping my crack...so I'm not sure. I tried the neosporin on my crack the other day, it made it feel better for awhile, but it's back again. I try to dry it out with toilet paper, but I feel like I get dingleberries stuck in the sore...which just makes it feel worse! I'm a little nervous to put powder on my anus as well as anti fungal creams...what if it goes down south to the female regions?

Anonymous Coward's picture

I am enlightened in your site. I thought I was the only one that had a split asscrack. Wow, I can't believe I'm not the only one in the world. I feel better knowing this, my ass feels better as well. I have tried different treatments for this asscracktitis,,,different soap, jock itch treatment, baby buttcrack meds, sleeping butt naked etc...I've never had the guts to try vicks. If I get the nerve and the person to chase me down with a fan I will do it. I have thought about going to the dr. but haven't had the nerve on that either. Wish me luck, and healing! Good luck to everyone else out there with the same inflictions.

suffering in silence's picture

The disease is known as "ringworm" or better known as jock itch. Yes, it does occur between the butt cheeks. If it's not too bad it can go away on its own as mine has in the past but do yourself a favor and get a tube of Lamisil. Mine is just about gone after 5 days of treatment. I've been suffering for the last 6 months until I finally figured out what it is. Dry well after showering and if you can, use your blow dryer on a low setting to really dry the area out. Then apply the Lamisil. I noticed a difference after ONE application. Good Luck.

LiteralPoop's picture

I too suffer from asscrackitis. I have the split above the hole, and it itches from the top of my crack to my taint (if it t'aint your butthole and it t'aint your balls, your taint is in the middle) it hurts to wipe, and when I itch it my fingers smell like ass. And thats even right after a shower. I gets worse when I scratch, but who has the power to resist the call of asscrackitis? She's an informidable opponent, but her call is akin to the Sirens "the seductresses".

Anal Itch's picture

Hi all

As I have already mentioned in another topic, my ass gets itchy more so when walking then it starts to burn and itch unbearably whilst I walk some more.

Someone said that it was athletes asscrack so is this the same as Asscrackitis??

It seems to get worse with moisture down there.

Also, how do you know when its a fungal infection?

My final question is, whatever it is i've got, is there a way to get rid of it permanently? I've noticed that some people in this thread have recurring symptoms that reappear after sweating etc.

For more reference on my problem here is my post in another topic:

Hi all
Recently I have been experiencing an itchy anus. It may be down to excessive wiping. When I am not moving a lot it is okay, but when i start walking it starts to itch and i can't walk properly. It gets so bad when walking that it goes from itching to soreness and then a really strong itching sensation. Also, after walking when i feel the skin it feels really sore and little moist from the soreness. I just want to be able to walk/run freely.
Anyway I have decided to increase the fibre in my diet as there was very little in my diet. Having increased the fibre, my wiping has decreased. I went to the doctor and got some cream (can't remember the name) and also have to send a sample to find out what the problem could be.
I would like some feedback of what people think this could be and what may help solve the problem.
I will post back to inform you of anything that has helped me with this problem.
Thanks

Anonymous Coward's picture

Many of you may be afflicted with lactose intolerance, as I am. Shortly after eating food with milk or whey in it, I experience slight liquid diarrhaea. I can't feel it happen, but it wicks right up the crack and starts to burn the skin. If this is your situation, get some lactose pills over-the-counter at the pharmacy. Lots of people have this, especially as they get older. No need to be embarassed, so to speak.

Pain-In-The-Ass-Solver's picture

Hey guys... I'm here to enlighten you all as to THE BEST cure for asscrackitis. The thing is, it's a common misconception that this horrible affliction is caused by infection/damp/over-wiping etc. However, the real reason (and also the reason many doctor's visits prove fruitless) is that asscrackitis is PSYCHOLOGICAL. Yes, believe it or not, your ass and your emotional well-being are very closely linked. Chances are, those suffering the worst are those with the biggest amount of stress in their lives and those who do not take the time to really pay attention to the needs of their asses. Try and be at one with your ass. Picture you and your ass taking scenic walks in the country, enjoying an icecream on a hot day and picking flowers together in a quiet meadow. Listen to your ass. Appreciate it. Spend time with it doing its favourite hobbies. Tell it that you value it and the many functions it provides and in time, you and your ass will enjoy an unbreakable bond and it will stop tormenting you with asscrackitis to get your attention, which can be a real pain in the ass.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Wow! I just got crackitis, never had it before, got it last week. I've been putting my grandson's desitin on it (he's 1) and that works great! I mean it didn't fix it immediately, it's been 4 days now, but the pain is tolerable and feels like the crack is healing nicely.. I have looked using a magnifying mirror and I can't see anything abnormal, just a red and sore looking ass crack...

Thank you one and all for making me feel normal.

I sit a lot on the job, and have been doing 50 minutes of cardio at the gym as part of my workout, so it must be a combination of the 2.. I'd suggest a shower before bed and before work and go get some desitin and use it on the asscrackitis...

lisa.taylor53's picture

I just started to have this problem within the last week. I was starting to freak out and think I had something or that I was dying. It was crazy to see the split in my butt crack. It freaked me out like you wouldn't believe and of course I got online put in my symptoms which are exactly those listed. Amazing what pain a chaffed, split butt crack can cause. However, after reading, I have realized that the moist wipes are not my friend. I started using them and I did recently change my soap which is a moisturizing soap. I should have just stuck with my Dial. I am going back to dial and no more wipes for me. But, I need to cure this and fast, I want to sit comfortably!
Please post what works, seems like everyone uses something a little different. Thank God however, I wasn't the only one feeling this pain.

Burnanitch's picture

I started with itching in the "butthole" and then it migrated up the entire crack (over 10 years now). I've seen anal-rectal surgeons (formerly called proctologists), a gastroenterologist, a regular MD, they all just say some people are like that, just keep it clean and dry. Problem is the more you try to clean, the more you irritate it (obviously I know not to wipe dry). I did get a pamphlet, among the things they recommend are: do not use soap on the area, use Prax lotion (available on the internet by Googling it) to clean and sooth, avoid things like coffee, cola, nuts, chocolate, when possible wear a thin cotton strip taken off a roll of absorbant cotton in the "crack" area ( I know that sounds ridiculous but it does help). Also Analpram HC is a prescription product.

The Dog's picture

I can't help myself. He draws little bones.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

yeah, the dog licks the cherry one off, makes the chapping and chafing even worse.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Bilgepump's buttkisser's picture

He likes the mint-flavored gloss. He says "It's tingly on me bumbum."

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

yeah Tre, chapped ass, and I would sure appreciate it if you use some chapstick the next time you kiss mine, ok?

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Tre Hess's picture

CHAPPED ASS!!?

My ass fucking hurts's picture

thank god for this site. my ass has been burning/itching like a motherfucker for the last year+. i'm in IT and basically sit on my ass all day. i'm not a fatty at all (6'0 165 soaking wet), but i'm pretty sure it comes from sitting. some days are better then others, and most the pain comes from sudden movements or wiping my ass after a big shit. i do my very best never to itch it but i know i do subconciously while i sleep. i think im going to try shaving my ass and doing the sleeping naked thing. its worth a shot. nothing in the world is worse then being in public and having a asscrackitis flare up and not being able to do anything about it. i must have done something really fucked up to deserve this. it's good to know theres more people praying for death atleast a few times a day.

traumatized's picture

A word of warning to all of you fellow asscrackitis sufferers. Do not scratch, under any circumstances. Of course, I knew I shouldn't scratch, but I was unable to control the urge in my sleep and woke up with a burning sensation and knew I must have scratched it. Anyway, long story short, in a few days time, my itchy crack turned into something much worse - a cellulitis infection of the skin and surrounding tissue around my tailbone which caused the skin to actually break apart. My crack actually cracked. Not to mention the pain and soreness from the infection and swelling around the tailbone that made it painful to sit, lie down, stand, everything basically. I had never in my life heard of anyone getting an infection in their buttcrack but leave it to me to accomplish this. This has been a very embarassing situation to say the least and I am still finishing up a round of some very strong antibiotics. Just remember - Don't scratch! Wear mittens to bed if you have to.

WiseCrack's picture

I didn't expect to find an entire page dedicated to my problem when I typed "chapped butt crack" into google search! Goldmine! I have a raging case of asscrackitis. I think it is the result of several factors, but mainly due to a long distance drive and a lot of butt-time over the holiday. I've been using tea tree oil on it for it's antiseptic and healing properties. Also, triple-bac ointment takes the edge off and soothes inflamed, red tissue.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Menthol and camphor ARE considered to have anti-biotic properties, so this might be why it works.

Thank you for that tip.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

ANDY's picture

i GET IT WHEN SITTING TO LONG , BEFORE BED I WASH WITH MILD SOAP , DRY WELL THEN APPLY A THIN COAT OF VICKS RUB ( IT WILL BURN FOR 15 SECONDS OR SO THEN FEEL COOL , ) THEN GO TO BED NAKED , TO AWAKE THE NEXT MORNING WITH MOST OF YOUR PROBLEM GONE > iN THE MORNING REPEAT TREATMENT BUT BE CAREFULL AS THE VICKS MIGHT SHOW A STAIN IN THE BACK OF YOUR CLOTHING , HELPS IF YOU WEAR DARK CLOTHING
lET ME KNOW THE RESULTS aT AAAGRAVEL@YAHOO.CA

AssCrackaddict's picture

I get a paralysing shooting pain in the bung hole sometimes. I can barely stand, walk or talk for 1 -2 minutes.
And don't even get me stated about "laying cable"! The last time I dropped the kids at the pool, my wife could hear me whimper from the next room.
I have been to the Dr, it seems I have a yeast infection, AND AN ANAL FISSEUR, a tearing of the arse.
I was previously using creams to try to sooth what I thought was chapped ass, which was actually a yeast infection. But these creams kept my crack moist and encouraged the fungal growth, leading to weakened skin and the fisseur.

This has been ongoing for over 2 years.
It helps to know I am not alone.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

I was just curious. Does anybody know whats up with those red ass monkeys you see sometimes on the Discovery channel. They look like they need to dip their asses in a pail of witch hazel.

Anonymous Cool guy's picture

Yeah i get this once in a while... have it now, i am going to to go sleeping naked.. i already slept without a shirt... maybe i should swap so i ever have to run out in a fire i can be at least half way there lol.

Ps. Yes... it burns like hell... showering used to be decent... now it burns like a mother.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Hey REal Deal! Tiny holes? Might be Pilonidal Sinuses! Look it up!

asscrack annonymous's picture

i as well have a case of asscrackitis. so iv'e recently moved to the land of israel. iv'e never suffered from this before but about a week ago it hit me. i guess why it started is because of the heat (which i'm not used to because i come from new york) and maybe becase i often wear thongs, but that aspect has never been an issue. i feel a burning/stinging/, painful and itchy sensation at the tip inside of the crack, above the ass hole. and it's also quite red. iv'e been applying cortizone on it every night after my shower, but i don't think that that has been helpful. i dont know what to do, and i need your help poopreporters! i don't think i can do it without you! all your stories have been extremely helpful and entetaining. i'm glad there is a community of asscrackitises out there. thanks.

please respond. i need help

tha cure's picture

just sleep naked and keep yah crack dry, it'll be 75% gone by morning, also try shaving all tha tiny hairs off your ass, tha chapped ass comes from the skin staying moist and rubbing together.

sweaty ass crack pro's picture

Took me ages to find some site that discussed asscrackitis, and reading through made me laugh and has probably given me some useful tips. I tend to get it from sweating all day and walking, it doesnt help farting aswell as this doesnt bode well when sweating in the heat. I currently have e45 on my ass but t feels really wet so Im gonna wipe it off and let it dry out over night being naked with a fan next to my bed. This is a risk though as there is quite a few mosis around house at the mo so I may end up with a mosi bite or two in the morning,

LatinAmerican culopartido's picture

Wow. You´ve made my day. Now I know that I have a problem, that I´m not alone and that there isn´t a cure for it :(

Anonymous Coward's picture

I have this for a few years, no luck. I saw one dermatologist, who gave me a few lotions. But they didn't help beyond the time I put them on. One of them is inotyol, which I keep putting when it hurts, and it always help. But it doesn't prevent it from comming again. By the way I found out that inotyol is good also for about any other skin condition that I had, from acne, to dry skin on the elbow. The Dr. also told me to wash my ass with water after I take a dump, rather then to whipe it. So I wash it. It also helps, especially when it hurts, since shit over the wound hurts, and washing it instead of rubbing it in hurts less, and also feels better later. Recently I figured that sometimes my shit is too big for my poor asshole, and that hurts the wound. I found out that I can press on the shit with my ass muscles before it gets to the sore point, and compress it. This way when the shit gets to the sore point it is less wide, and pass through more easily, and without a painful further expantion to my poor asshole. I need to see an other doctor. Why doesn't it just go away already.

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