asscrackitis: chapped, cracking ass

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Ali asks:

The last few months I've had a very strange and painful problem. No one I've asked has ever had this problem, so I'm looking to you people here to help me. For the last few months my ass crack has been chapped. The crack itself is very red and quite painful, and looks like the cracking you get on the sides of your mouth if your lips are extremely chapped. I have not changed my wiping habbits -- I use the damp Cottonelle wipes. I've been putting Neosporin with lidocaine on my crack and that makes it feel better but the problem isn't going away. Please help -- I need ass crack relief!





Dear Ali,

For starters, I can assure you of two things: Asscrackitis (the medical term for an irritated or inflamed ass crack), is generally NOT sexually transmitted, nor is it likely to be fatal. I realize that neither of these facts has anything to do with your concerns, but thought I would sound more professional making this sort of pronouncement right off the bat.

First, discard your thong underwear, if applicable. (Alternatively, you can boil them for one hour and then soak them in a gallon of bleach, but I would just throw them out). Thong-wearing is the #1 cause of Asscrackitis. Boiling and bleaching really has nothing helpful to contribute to your problem, but I suggested it only to encourage you to stop wearing them. Fabric wedged up your ass crack can't be helping the problem.

Next, are you using some new type of soap, body wash, detergent, or Brillo pads on your crack? I would recommend switching to some bland, non-irritating cleanser, such as Ivory soap, for a while. Don't overwash your crack, either. Be sure you let it dry well.

Wear plain old cotton underpants for a while. No leather or rubber underwear or pants. Let your crack breathe, as God intended.

Stop with the Neosporin if it isn't helping. Get a mild hydrocortisone (1%) cream at the drugstore, and apply it sparingly to your spanking clean, dry ass crack twice a day.

Don't use those premoistened wipes for a while. They usually have some alcohol in them, which could be either over-drying your crack or irritating it. Alcohol is for drinking, not for wiping.

If you are not improved within two weeks, or if your Asscrackitis is getting worse while you are doing these things, for God's sake go show your ass to a real doctor.

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?












206 Comments on "asscrackitis: chapped, cracking ass"

Johnny Cracks Corn's picture

Damn you asscrackitis!! I've got itchies and a small crack or two right on my brown star. Here is my tail of woe from last week...

I'm was on a first date at one of those tiny tables for two. I start getting the scratchies down there (you know where) after course 1 of our 27 course meal. 'Excuse me, I'll be right back' and I race to the restroom for a festival of scratching. Inevitably, I must go back to the table. I spend the next 7 hours (seemed like 7 hours) trying to wiggle around in my chair...if sit on the edge of my seat feigning rapt attention to stories about Yale and study abroad I can scratch my brownie just enough to get through dinner. Finally the check arrives and I have some sort of itching reprieve. 'Would you like to come back to my place for a drink?' Sure why not, that sounds great, what could be better. Many drinks later we are on her couch halfway undresed and an unexpected guest arrives...it's asscrackitis, feeling neglected, wanting to join the party, 'What about me...I won't be ignored'.

SHE: Passion mounting
ME: Must scratch crack
SHE: Off with the bra
ME: Must scratch crack
SHE: Off with the panties
ME: MUST SCRATCH CRACK!!!!
SHE: I'll be right back, don't go anywhere
ME: Salvation! scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch; Race to the sink to wash hands; Race back to the couch and fake a suave urbane demeanor

Is there a fungus among-us...too much moisture, too dry. What the F's going on down there? Thanks for all advice on the site.

poor poor crack owner's picture

omg! i cant believe there's a online support group for this! i thought something was seriously wrong with me.
Mine is not near my hole... its at the top of my butt crack right under my tail bone... I first used vaseline which was ok...(took the pain away) but I STRONGLY STRONGLY recommend polysporin triple action I used it for 2 nights with no clothes when I sleep and today its a lil itchy... but that means its healing :)

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

Get a car seat that allows air to circulate while you are are driving or a passenger.

Chappy McCrackass's picture

I am new to asscrackitis, and was oh-so-ashamed until I found this website. I felt a burning pain above my ass a few days ago, and I asked my hubby to look and he says it's all red and cracked.

Oh yeah,...it's asscrackitis.

I'm so relieved to know that I'm not alone. I've been managing as best I can with vaseline, but think that I'll try some of the powder and dry-out methods you all have suggested,...I'll let you guys know how oit torns out.

Yours in Chapass
Chappy McCrackass

Anonsorebumus's picture

Had the phenomenon of asscrackitis for more years than I care to mention. Tried every cream under the sun, became OCD on cleanliness, wiping, baggey cotton shorts, etc. Although many creams I've used have relieved symptoms and reduced the pain and swelling, none have irradicated it sufficently for me to forget that I've got the problem. That was until I became so desperate to stop the itching and soreness I tried a cream I had used on a fungal foot infection of my son TRIMOVATE - contains Clobetasone butyrate, oxytetracycline, nystatin. Having read the blurb I can see how all three play a part in the cure. Iuse about a half pea size amount approx. twice a week and can say now I don't have a problem. If I forget to use it for about a week (because I dont have the problem!!!). I'm soon reminded I need to apply a little cream because a little itching and tenderness start creeping back into my life. One small tube has lasted me about a year.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Raspex Skin Gel is nice. Also try Argentyn 23 First Aid Gel.

Ass Cracked's picture

I am so happy I discovered this page. Asscrackitis is real and I have been suffering for 3 days now. It is literaly a real pain in the ass to function like a normal person. Not only does it make it difficult and uncomfortable to move my bowels...it is hard to clean this area without feeling sharp needle like pains in the crack. So I am now trying Aveenos cream with 1% Hydrocotisine and will sleep naked and only wear cotton underwear. Hopefully this will cure my ass.

anonymous coward's picture

I feel everyones pain... I too have these problems, and I went to the doctor and he tried to tell me I had herpes without even doing a test. It looks nothing like herpes! My ass is chapped from my butt getting infected from getting torn and the infection chapped the entire area between my butt cheeks, but now I am on antibiotics for the infection so hopefully the chafing goes away soon. :-)

Zorro's picture

The guy with the Apple and the rubbing alcohol is right.60 seconds of agony.A ring of fire but then absolute peace for 12 hours or more if you'r lucky. If you think you cant go through with it have a jug of ice cubes to hand.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

JIm by crackee, you got a pic to share with your butt sock?
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Butt pits???


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Jim, by crackie's picture

I've suffered with this all my life (I'm 62). In my youth it went away with some cremes from the medicine cabinet. In my teens I went to the dr. and was given a cortisone creme 1%. A few years ago the rash started and a fungus infection developed and a dermatologist gave me an antifungal creme and cortisone 2%. I'm currently going through a tough episode (4 months) accompanied with fungus. I had some creme and that killed the fungus but I still have the pain and itching and the 2% creme isn't helping. I'm trying something new. When I'm home I'm putting a white sock turned inside out tucked in my crack. I'm hoping this wicks away the moisture. Last night it worked great--slept all night; today as I watch TV I have one inserted. I think some of us have fat cheeks that press together not allowing normal drying of the skin--we have a lot of crack moisture. It's the pits.

Shazam's picture

After several years of frustration, two weeks of Elidel cream, available by prescription, HEALED my asscrackitis.

After that, routine cleansing with 1% Nizoral shampoo and application of Zeasorb AF keeps things fixed.

Avoid hydrocortisone and other steroids unless you must use them...steroids thin the skin and will make things worse over time.

If your butt itches after eating spicy food, Aspirin is a much bigger help than you would suspect.

- Shazam

WTF's picture

I posted earlier on 7/21/09. You can read that earlier post for my symptoms, their the same as yours....except I never had "the split" that some have mentioned. I have been to doctors about these symptoms and all three times they have said, nope you are not going to die and that this is most probably caused by individual body chemistries and sweaty and wet conditions down there. I suffered with this for over two years, and now I finally seem to have gotten it under control. First let me say that I tried ALL the hemhroid creams and baby butt creams and anti fungal creams and sprays and yeast infection creams. Nothing worked for me. The last time I saw my doctor he told me to keep my crack clean and dry. He told me to use wet baby wipes to thoroughly clean up after a poo. So here is my routine that FINALLY seems to have cured me after over 2 years of HELL.

Just remember clean and dry......clean and dry.
1. Shower in the morning.....dry it out and apply baby powder in the crack....I use J&J cornstarch baby powder.
2. During the day when I poop, I will wipe with regular toilet paper and then chase it with a wet baby wipe to finish up the clean job and get all the excess poo out there ( trust me, you miss a little...works like a champ) and then reapply baby powder to the crack (keeps it dry all day) Do this after every poop or if you haven't pooped during the day, you can baby wipe it and powder it just to keep it clean and dry.
3. Shower before bed (or just baby wipe the region) and either baby powder it or you can even use a couple of squares of TP rolled up into a butt crack tampon to keep you dry all night.
4. Occasionally you can apply some desitin or other baby butt cream to provide a little cream down there if you think you are overdrying it.
5. When I excersize (run or bike) I will apply a good amount of "Aquaphor" to the region - a baby butt product you can find in the baby product aisle. And seems to ward off the sweaty conditions that used to cause asscrackitis flare ups after working out. helps with chaffing as well.

Repeat this routine daily and hopefully you will have the same great results I did. I finally feel normal again after over two years

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Thanks for the information AC, you should register and become a Poop Reporter. Most of our readers are hardened adults and you could, if you so desired, just call it an ass crack rather than a buttock crease:))

You gave very good advice when you said it would be a good idea to have your blood sugar level checked. I would go a step further and tell everyone if you have diabetics in your family or if you are at risk for type two diabetes for any other reason you should test your blood glucose level yourself periodically.
Wall-Mart sells a blood glucose meter for only $9.00 and strips for it are only $9.00 for twenty strips. Checking your glucose level twice a week is very inexpensive. A normal reading should be between 80 and 120. If levels started exceeding that a doctor should be consulted or major changes in diet should be made. The brand name of the meter and strips is ReliOn.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous Coward's picture

Great website. People need an anonymous place to go to talk about these personal issues and get support and help.

CURE FOR CHAPPED, INFLAMED AND SPLITTING BUTTOCK CREASE:

You have a long-standing fungal infection compounded by bacteria that have propagated in the diseased area.

DO THIS MORNING AND AT NIGHT:

SHOWER and thoroughly cleanse buttock crease. Use an antifungal soap such as "Medicated Fungi Cure" Alva Pharmacal. Available at the drug store.

DRY the buttock crease thoroughly and blow dry with a hair dryer on COOL setting. DO NOT use hot air as it will damage the skin.

SPRAY the buttock crease with LOTRIMIN antifungal spray powder.

APPLY an anti-bacterial ointment such as NEOSPORIN or drug store brand directly to the open, chapped area.

You WILL notice great improvement after about 2-3 days. However, KEEP DOING THIS REGIMEN FOR TWO WEEKS OR ELSE THE INFECTION WILL COME BACK.

Later, have your blood sugar tested to make sure you are not diabetic. Diabetics have an especially high frequency of infections.

At the first signs of infection later, treat right away and the infecion will be gone.

DON'T FEEL ASHAMED OR EMBARRASSED about this condition. Opportunistic infections happen to almost everyone at one time or another. YOU are in control. Give it hell with the above instructions. It simply can't withstand the kind of ASSault you are about to inflict upon it!

Good luck.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

AC, I can't talk to the peaople around me like I talk to poopreporters either. Noone wants to hear my poo problems.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Anonymous Coward's picture

Wow, great site. I get this usually after a night of hard drinking and bar food, which usually leads to multiple messy poops the next day. when I get it it is brutal - walking is terrible, sitting as well, and wiping, wow. What also hurts like hell is showering with it - yowsers. Mine has always gone away after a night of sleeping naked - which I'm doing now. Also love the poster who said they helped tons of people by suggesting some cure - I can't imagine actually talking to people about this!

Anonymous Coward's picture

Boudreaux's Butt Paste is the best thing. Is this really happening to me????? Has it ever been diagnosed anything else, more serious???

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Have you tried baby powder? Mexsana makes some nice stuff, and it might keep you dry and medicated at the same time.

Dying to Sleep's picture

I've been having this problem for a few years now, but only at night. After several different doctors and remedies that seemed to work temporarily but then wear off, I learned that this may be caused by a weird form of sciatica because of a long-ago injury to my tailbone. For a time, heat helped, but it is difficult to keep against the area because I keep turning on my side! This problem is a torment...

FoundTheCure's picture

Lanolin - Somebody mentioned it earlier. That's what cured it for me. It's on the baby aisle, for nursing mothers' sore nipples. Probably took a week or so of applying it twice a day. But I no longer have the problem.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Also suffering with this condition. Am ready to try Lotramine. Found the following on NETDOCTOR:
Itchy bottom
Question
The top layer of skin between my buttocks often gets spotty, it then breaks and becomes itchy and the skin deep in the cleavage above the anus cracks and becomes painful.
Treatment with a healing cream like Sudocrem seems to help, but as soon as I stop using this, the condition returns. I had Canesten anti fungal cream for an infection a few years ago, but the current problem does not want to go away and does not bear the symptoms of the previous fungal infection.
My personal hygiene regime includes a twice-daily cold hose-out (no soap used) with the shower head to help prevent infections but this has not really helped. I seem to be unable to control this problem, can you advise a solution?
Answer
This is a common and characteristically recurring problem.
Anywhere on the body where skin touches skin, such as the natal cleft you describe, the warmth and moistness makes it a perfect place for the incubation of yeasts and fungi. All of us are covered with a variety of bacteria, yeasts and fungi. What is remarkable is not that we occasionally develop infections, but that our immune systems keep us free of them for most of the time.
The response to Canesten cream would suggest that this is either a yeast or fungal infection causing an associated eczema/dermatitis. Most commonly these are yeast infections and creams such as Canesten or Nystan help to reduce the infection. If there is irritation it also helps to add Hydrocortisone cream to reduce this. There are several products that combine the two ingredients.
Once you have cleared the problem, keeping the area thoroughly clean and dry will help keep it at bay. Constant use of creams is not to be recommended as it will ultimately reduce the body's natural protection.
If you find your infection very resistant to treatment, do ask your GP or Practice Nurse to check your urine for sugar to exclude diabetes. It can sometimes make itself known through an increase in such infections.
Yours sincerely
The Medical Team
Last updated 28.02.2007

Hope it helps someone. The neosporen hasn't been much help and A&D is soothing but temporary. Off to stop at the pharmacy.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

WTF, find another doctor. Pruritis ani(itchy asshole) is not normal and it is treatable.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Eczema Bum's picture

Well hello from the good ole U of K! I wasn't aware that my long suffering symptom (5+ years) had a name outside our family home - my kids absolutely love to call me Eczema Bum ( bet they can't spell it!). Asscrackitis eh? very tongue in cheek! What a lovely day it is tho to know I am not alone + my kids will be chuffed with the new name for it too + I'm sure my wife will get a little relief in knowing I'm not the only freak with it (I don't think we are freaks, well maybe some of you). Not sure what mine is but located at the very top of ass crack going due south about 2" & 1" east & west (estimated not gps calculated or wife+ruler notified). Symptoms are inflamed at night caused by sweat normally after excessive alcohol intake, very itchy, a bit sore but mainly a little baboon like - maybe I'm just trying to arouse my wife with this show of virility? I have tried a hydrocortizone cream that was out of date for 2 years (used sparingly & sporadically) but I am unable to see any course of medicine through especially when for a day or 2 all seems well - or maybe, secretly I like my affliction? I did think it could be fungal but the thought of this isn't appealing so I'm going to ignore that diagnosis in favour of the lame 'dry skin'. I have been procrastinating on a trip to the chemist to buy some Eczema Bum dry skin eradicator for a few months but with the warm weather exacerbating my condition I have promised my arse crack I will do something soon. And so I have! Are these few words the beginning of the road to recovery? Or have I in finding fellow sufferers become more confident, proud and attatched to my condition? I'll certainly keep you posted on the progress of my Eczema Bum and face the future (& chemist) with more confidence knowing I have something special. Work now calls that will no doubt lead to the excessive intake of alcohol. Toodaloo!

WTF's picture

WTF! Symptoms started out of nowhere. Seriously, I was walking home from work and BANG!...this insane itch right in the anus that could not be soothed just popped out of my ass. I mean a deep deep itch. Luckily it was dark(dont think anyone saw), because I involuntarily started digging and clawing at the itch. Finally got it scratched and calmed down, but over the next few days it re-appeared sporatically but not as intense as when it first happened. After about a week the itching ceased, but was replaced with a chapped, cracked, burning sensation...when I wipe there was little bright specks of blood from the cracking. I thought I had hemroids, so I just applied over the counter creams. I did also try anti fungal creams and yeast infection creams and nothing has worked, Later on, the symptoms morphed again. Now the chapping, burning, cracking is accompanied by what others on here have referred to as 'swamp ass'- light discharge of greasy foul smelling general wetness down there. Like I am sweating too much....except it defintely is more prevelent when the other symptoms flare up. It now goes in cycles, it will go in the background for 4-7 days (I can still feel it in the background...but it goes away enough that I feel normal)....then flares up to uncomfortable levels of irritation, burning and swampyness for a day or two and then goes back in the background. I am even noticing that it flares up when I get sick and my immune system is stressed.

I have asked two doctors about this and they have both spread my cheeks and looked in my ass and they both said "it is normal" and "quite common". And told me to put Desitin on it!!! I cant believe this? This doesn't feel normal. And reading through all these posts, It does sound like many suffer from this. We should all kick in 100 bucks and have a medical researcher come up with a cure. But maybe like the common cold, there is no cure? This totally sucks ass!!!!!!! Anyone out there have any latest info on this. When I go see my doctor again in a few weeks, I will bring it up again out of desperation.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Pampered Ass.....Why don't you join our group? After having made a few posts and proven that you are not a spammer, we don't like them either, your comments will be posted as soon as you make them. Lots of fun and a form of therapy for many of us.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Pampered Ass's picture

Wow. I guess everything's out there. Stuff I never even thought of. Had to go look up scatological.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Comments of a purely political nature from either the left or right are not approved. Comments that are of a scatological fetish nature are not approved. Comments that have links to porn sites or scat fetish sites are not approved. I hope this answers your question Pampered Ass.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Pampered Ass's picture

"Your comment has been queued for moderation by site administrators and will be published after approval."

You have got to be kidding me. Judging by the past comments I would love to know what kind of comments DON'T meet your "approval".

Pampered Ass's picture

I feel your pain. Buy some Gynelotrimin 3 day cream from drugstore.com. This would be a good solution for the guys who don't want to be seen purchasing female yeast meds at their local grocery store in front of the teenage checkout girl. Smear it all over the chapped area after every bathroom break. My son had a yeast infection in the diaper area as a baby. I didn't know it was yeast, because it wasn't gooky like a vaginal yeast infection. It was red, chapped, itchy and painful. I kept trying different creams, but female yeast meds finally worked. Please try this. I wish you success, I know how terrible it is to walk around with this. Your skin will be back to normal soon. Please let me know if this works for you.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Ouch owowowowowowowow Ow ow ow I have an open area about 9 o'clock anusly that hurts and burns and itches and make my left butt cheek ache. It is from too much wiping since last weekend. I have been using zinc oxide. If it is not improving by Monday, I am taking my asshole to the doctor. The pain is unbearable.Ow owowowowowowow Ow ow ow ow ow ow. Whining is no use because noone hears me. Ouch. I wonder if Orajel will stop the pain and burning. Ow ow ow. I don't have any Orajel. Ugh.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Dr.s' Doggin and T-Butt to this story, STAT!!! We got more butt pus!!!


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Itchy Crack's picture

Well... went to the doc this am. Diagnosis: pilonidal sinus with abcess. Prognosis? SURGERY! No shit. The following excerpts, from an article entitled "Pilonidal Sinus" by one John Bascom, M.D., Ph.D. (who apparently wrote the book on this type of asscrackitis), does a great job of explaining this, and the preferred course of care. You can find the article if you Google "pilonidal sinus" and "bascom." Seriously, I very strongly encourage those of you with itchy (and painful) butt cracks to read the article.

All kidding aside, this issue affects a surprising number of men AND WOMEN, and is not limited only to fat men with hairy, sweaty butts. Seriously, folks, don't fuck around with this! Get thee to a doctor RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

Here are the excerpts:

ETIOLOGY:

Pilonidal disease is acquired when gravity pulls the buttocks and cleft from the bone so strongly that skin stretches. Pulling forces that focus between the bottom of the cleft and the angle of the sacrum stretch the skin. Skin stretches at the bottom of a follicle, where it is thinnest. The stretched follicle breaks down, and an acute or chronic abscess results. Hair is a secondary invader.

* * *

CLINICAL PRESENTATION

Patients with pilonidal disease may ask for advice about tiny asymptomatic pits or pores at the bottom of the cleft. Tenderness while doing sit-ups is a common complaint. A tender or nontender nodule may be palpable. One-fifth of such patients seek care for the severe pain and tenderness of an acute abscess. Four- fifths of patients with pilonidal disease present with moisture and drainage and
occasional bleeding. They report few or no episodes of pain or tenderness and have no history of a previous acute abscess. Examination shows one to fifteen tiny openings in the midline or a larger granulation-filled slit opening into a cavity. A secondary opening may lie a few centimeters above. Discharge is minimal to copious.

Hairs singly or in tufts often lie in the openings and may be surprisingly long when withdrawn. Unhealed wounds show thin skin that bridges over a cavity or a scarred trench filled with loose granulations.

* * *

RECOMMENDED TREATMENTS

Acute Abscess

For patient comfort, drain the acute abscess semiurgently.
Do not wait for redness and edema before incising.

* * *

A pointed blade opens a drainage incision parallel to the
midline and 2 cm to one side of it. The knife stops when
pus first appears. In lieu of packs, which cause pain,
excise from one side of the incision a 5-mm circle of skin
to prevent premature closure. Antibiotics are unnecessary.
Delay further treatment for I week, and then treat as a
chronic abscess. This delay clears the edema that hides
midline holes that must be seen and removed in order to
cure the disease.

Relief is immediate. Only rarely does an acute abscess
reseal before curative treatment. The advantages of
prompt drainage are simplicity, certainty, and quick relief.
The only disadvantage is the need for a second procedure.

Chronic Abscess

Four-fifths of patients with pilonidal disease come to
the surgeon with a chronic abscess and NO HISTORY OF A PRIOR RECOGNIZABLE ACUTE STAGE.
Chronic abscess patients selected for the treatment outlined below have one to ten
holes in the midline occasionally with a larger hole to one side. They are free of acute inflammation. I do not treat
asymptomatic patients who have holes that are dry and have never been painful. However, patients who have recently had pain are operated on because a chronic abscess
usually lies below the midline. If a short slit is found in the midline, treat it like any other chronic abscess. If the slit is long, treat it like an unhealed incision.

Excerpted from Pilonidal Sinus, pp. 1-4.

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

Is stage IV crack-itis also known as Plumber Crackitis ?

Itchy Crack's picture

Seems like we have two types of asscrackitis: type 1 asscrackitis is the itchy butt crack type, and is probably bacterial/fungal due to swamp ass or sweaty ass crack. Type 2 asscrackitis is the burning/tearing kind, complete with one or two inch tear. This is probably related to pilonidal sinus disease, which is a nasty, nasty kind of asscrackitis that I very much hope I do not have!

Going to the doc tomorrow am, will report back to see if my asscrackitis typing is effective. Oh, my asscrackitis (probably type 1, since it's very, very itchy) started late last week and was (is) hella itchy! Since I sweat like a mofo, *particularly* in my ass crack, AND sit for 12 hours on a pleather office chair AND work out twice a week (meaning yet more sweaty ass crack) AND swim twice a week, it's probably bacterial/fungal, and not some draining ass crack sinus thingee.

As I said, going to the doc tomorrow, will report back with the results.

Poopsy McGee's picture
l 100+ points

I'd like to bestow upon you a recent pearl of wisdom imparted on us by the illustrious El Scumbag. Nivea cold cream.

There is also a thing called Butt Paste (maybe made by Dr. Bronner's) used mainly for baby's bottoms, but it must work for grown-ups too.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear AC....Go to your local farm supply store and ask for "Bag Balm", it was designed with cow tits in mind but also works well on chapped hands or asses.

Doctor Thunderbutt, Ass specialist. (If you are female Dr. Thunderbutt will personally rub the ointment in.)


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous Coward with ass chapping's picture

i am an ass chapped veteran. not of war, but of ass chapping. where does one go to purchase ass balm? is there such a thing? if so, what is it called?

Anonymous Coward's picture

I got this out of the blue, I'm guessing from wearing pants that were too tight and not breathable :( Putting cream on my butt crack helped initially, but I think in the long run it makes the problem worse or prolongs the healing. What works for me is two showers a day to keep things clean and dry and then sleeping in the nude from the waist down for the past few days has helped, and I stopped using the cream. My ass crack is looking less inflamed since stopping the cream so it must be the right thing. I hope it goes away altogether soon. Every now and it gets incredibly itchy and scratching makes matters worse.

Broken Butt's picture

I am a chronic sufferer of this affliction. I'm pretty sure it's due to my diet of fast food, spicy food, alcohol, soda, etc.. I'm 29, and I think I'm beginning to realize that: The older I get, the more the bad things I like to do are going to hurt me. :(

Anonymous Coward's picture

My stink hole has been on fire for over 2 weeks and getting worse. So I've been using wet ones for about 3 months and I think... I think that's it but now my ass is so god damn angry it doesn't like anything but those god damn jesus soft wipes. I'm not sure what to do but one of us has to win... my ass or the wipes so far ass:0 wipes:1. My stink hole, lava hole, brown eye is red. DAMN YOU BROWN EYE! I can tell you what doesn't work... vaseline, it's helps but it's still there it kinda puts things at bay. Cortizone itches like hell but seems to be oaky but I think it's pisses it off worse. Hand cream no good. Hemmroid cream real bad. And that's about it. :9 I'm going to fight with my stink hole.

redhead with too much red in his crack's picture

atleast someone can answer my question. i work in a place where i have to run around alot and it gets really hot. so i sweat alot and dont really have much chance to cool off. so hopefully sleeping nude will help dry and air out my crack. i also have the "scent" problem and i have been kinda disgusted with myself like im not clean. lol

Anonymous Coward's picture

I had a fungus, Lotramine helped but wouldn't cure it, DR. prescribed lotion was the same, finally tried Zeasorb AF powder and 10 days later, I think I'm cured. Going to keep powdering my pooper for a few more days though.

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

If you cannot shower more than once a day, use a baby wipe to clean. Then, to get rid of the moisture caused by the baby wipe, use compressed air from a can purchased at the office supply store. Please understand that the air will be very cold so there is the danger of going from crackaditis to frostbite ass.

Crackalicious NOT's picture

My itchyness feels like it is extremely dry. I itch the top of the crack to where it is raw. Now my just under my ball sack is where I am rubbing it raw. So my crack is raw in two places... Any suggestions??????????

Assfault's picture

I give up. I've tried every cream suggested by surgeon and natural organic product too. Surgeon has no idea what is wrong. Cracking skin under tail bone. He was looking to see if I had developed a channel fistula from an abscess I had back in September. He stabbed me with some kind of shrimp fork probe. Then put silver nitrate on it. Not sure what I did in my past life but, whatever it was I'm really sorry. Does anyone have any advice. If I could give it away to my worst enemy, I would!

Bloody Underwear's picture

I sure hope the vasaline, lamisil, haridryer, burts bees, vicks, desitin, blistex works.

I have ruined enough underwear for a lifetime!

blade runner's picture

I too suffer from this dreaded malady. It has been in my family for generations. An old remedy passed down from my Grandmother is to wrap the buttocks tightly with duct tape for 2-3 days. Works for me every time.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Well isn't that special Mr Bilgepump.

The Church Lady

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