will my poops pop my ass zits?

// // 144 Comments
j 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Tina asks:

My question is not neccesarily about poop. But I have these red bumps that look like zits around my ass hole. They're even down by my legs. What are they and can they break while letting my load go?





Tina,

Thanks for the question! I have never been troubled by ass zits, but I see many patients that have them.


Shave WITH the grain, never ever AGAINST the grain.

Some 80 grit wet-N-dry may work.

Rough them up with your kitchen cheese grater.

Lay off the anal.

If the above suggestions do not help, you can simply wash them with some acne soap, or show your ass to a dermatologist.

_________________

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?












144 Comments on "will my poops pop my ass zits?"

Anonymous's picture

This blog...wow...who comes up with this shit? hahaha

Anonymous's picture

i love my boyfriend!Lol!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Ms. Rides, forget the cowboy gear. Just bring some oxygen and a defibrillator. Dr Butt will be needing those during the first session. Depending on how you look, he may need them as soon you enter the office.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Good call Butt, not just any cowboy hat but one with a rattler skin and a feather please Ms. Rides!


_______
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Butt of the Joke's picture
l 100+ points

Wow,the Doggin/Thunderbutt institute is serious when they research. No cowboy hat?
_______
More people flush than they do wash their hands.

More people flush than they do wash their hands.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Very good question Rides too hard, but one that will take some research before it can be adequately addressed. Can you come to the Doggin/Thunderbutt Institute for testing?

My plan is for you to ride Dr. Thunderbutt while Dr Doggin watches and takes notes. Ten or fifteen sessions like that should give us some kind of an answer.

No need to thank me yet, a true researcher is always ready for such a challenge. Oh, please bring a riding crop and a pair of boots with spurs, preferably slightly dulled.


_______
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Rides too hard's picture

Ok, my question is kinda unrelated, but I saw the comment about ass acne and how it was caused by sweat and so I was wondering....I have an raised mole that has grown almost over night on my ass check, I'm always on top when we have sex so I was wondering if maybe the sweat from riding him so hard may have caused it.

annettes amazed's picture

my son is very proud of his AGB. Its his pride and joy(After Grog BOG)I find this site F***King hilhairyass../.I didnt think anyone else was open to this type of shit.lol. I myself have a favourite its a SPLART. when you cant decide if you want to shit or fart;when you get to my age this happens regularly...

hooM34's picture

to Jackal_69,
that could be. I'd would go down to the local pharmacy, they have this new product called Zitoris, which checks for sperm in your butt hole. If it finds any, it turns orange and you can tell if you have herpes. Your ass zits are probably a result of you picking your butt too much. Try to resist the urge to smell your feces, as it is not healthy anyways.

Jackal_69's picture

Hello All,

I have recently developed a problem with ass zits. My friends came over and we had a bit of a party. I don't remember much but I woke up naked the the next morning. Ever since then my ass has been breaking out in what seem to be zits. Do you think I was raped? Is it herpes?

Anonymous Coward's picture

Well that may have concerns on their ass zits and that is go see your doctor but they may be have to be lanced open to drain. Seems by your all descriptions that they are boils and if ture then this statement holds true . Quit doing anal it would help and get your abcesses cleaned up its gross that is all.

DaBOMB's picture

My ass comes and goes with the night
as does the stench of its might.
I try and try and try to light
my ass farts, they keep me uptight.
Ass zits and tit licks
pimples on my clitoris.
This damn woman keeps licking my poo
please help me now she is starting to screw
in a light bulb into my ass hole,
you don't understand, its from a hot chili bowl

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Dear problem: First: See your doctor. This site is fun and informative, but not specific to your problem.

Next: Pay excellent attention in English class. You need it.

problem :['s picture

i have a large pimple.. i pea size and my ass hole.. pain.. and i do not know what is it!!??? pls tell me if u know... i dun have sex. i just 13 years old.. what is it??? what should i do??? :[ :[ pls help ,pls

Anonymous Coward's picture

This is some funny ass shit, btw tried the lemon tech. Does wonders you'll never pucker like that again. Ambers finger lickin good

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

AC above, that was easily the best post in the last several weeks.


_______
"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Anonymous Coward's picture

um.... What was the question?

craptrina's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Um... ew. Tina, it sounds like you have a skin infection or something. Blech! I'd recommend some antibiotic cream. *shudders*

Blowout's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

hej78 - get your other brother (Leatherface) in there with his chainsaw.

Yeah's picture

all i can say is wow.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Yep, get a new family.


_______
"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

hej78's picture

Hello all, I had a quick question concerning my ass zits... For several years I have had ass zits. Usually a strong blow from the ass when I shit takes care of them, but for the past month they have developed and are taking over my ass hole. My mother says my hole is bright red, and my father keeps saying "take a cheese grater to it." So I tried to use a cheese grater, and it really worked. But this time, it did not. My brother tried to poke at it with a fork, cause he says that's all I need, but that really hurt and it got poop and stuff all over the kitchen table. Any suggestions?

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

I can attempt to answer:

If food burns going in, it's because the spices are of a different ph or chemical composition than your taste buds are used to. Many cells in the digestive tract are the same -- epithelial tissue made of stratified and simple squamous, cuboidal, and columnar cells -- and they're all versions of epithelial tissue. These cells may vary in certain ways, but they may also react to ph the same way, with the exception of the stomach lining.

Your butt and your mouth aren't the same, but they have cells that have the same properties in ways. It makes sense that spicy food will alert your butt as it alerts your mouth. Both areas have a great deal of nerve endings, are soft, moist, and are very vascular. Just be glad that you don't have taste buds in your ass.

It is OK, as long as you don't have any type of harsh digestive disorder, like IBS, that may result in a bad reaction from spicy food.

The good news is that cayenne pepper, and certain peppers like it, are good for your digestion and stomach, believe it or not, and it's the vinegary peppers than often burn your ass instead.

Don't worry!

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

poopazoid's picture

hey i eat alot of spicey foods, the next day my bottom can burn a bit is this ok? can i do any damage? and can you tell me why it burns when i poo.

poop skywalker's picture

Wow. .I didn't stumble across this page by accident. . But since spending the last hour reading these posts, I forgot exactly what I am doing here, but I somehow feel a lot better about my mental health and well being.. if only I could get rid of these damn... oh yeah. . I don't know if youse guys helped with that or not but I do somehow have a strange urge to rub a lemon on my bum

Anonymous Coward's picture

I LOVE YOU MORE MORE

Anonymous Coward's picture

I have only skimmed this whole thread, but it sounds like a lot of you, including the original poster, might have molluscum.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

And make yourself a nice refreshing glass of lemonade afterward. It's a sin to waste food.

WendyBum's picture

Perhaps you should try a more homeopathic route... take a lemmon, cut it in half and then scrub the affected area with the lemon. rub it real good so that the cells of the lemon burst over your zits and generously coat the affected area with juice.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I must agree with my colleague Dr. Doggin, rather than a cheese grater you should use a round wood rasp (half round if you are a half assed individual) or if your parents were not married when you were conceived you can use a bastard file.

Hope this helps...Dr. ThunderButt


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

AC, I'm going to have to comment here and say your post should be ignored as it sounds dangerous and reckless. The absolute worst thing you can do, is to use a good cheese grater on anything but cheese.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Try an at home do-it-yourself dermabrasion with a cheese grater and hand plane. Follow up by giving yourself and ass-glow using lighter fluid and a match. All your friends will just die to try it next.

RingStingRaymond's picture

I always find that if you dab toothpaste on zits and leave it to dry, it does wanders to clear up the zit. Try taking a large dollop of toothpaste and smear it all over your asshole.

perhaps use a variety that has peroxide in it, that way it will bleach your asshole at the same time

Hope this helps
xxx

Anonymous Coward's picture

Ok I've read through all the posts on this topic and I have to say you are all nuttier than squirrels! Lol!But that is completely cool with me!

Amber.....As a licensed nail tech, you are my worst nightmare. Not only is it not safe for you, its dangerous for your nail tech, and all clients after you. People like Amber is exactly why you should stay far away from the oriental nail chop shops! Her nasty bum would have never touched my manicure chair!

The individual with the dark lump on the "sweetspot". Have you tried PreperationH? You could have hemroids. (If I've even read where its located correctly)

And for Jane the college student. Go to the doctor and have the boil lanced and tested for MRSA. Public restrooms are notorious for it. All it takes is for one person with a small MRSA boil that's oozing just alittle to cause an outbreak. These boils look just like zits, but hurt like crazy. It gets very hard out around the boil, and when it finally heals it will leave a purple scar. I'd suggest not putting your bum on public toilet seats. You can catch things from them.

Anomalous Coward's picture
k 500+ points

It is a little known fact (I just made up), that if one has a bumper crop of ass zits and strains too hard while pooping, their zits will explode, which in turn diminishes Inter Cranial Pressure to the point where the head may actually collapse, and render it possible for them to extract it from their bung hole.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dashitster.......Turn about is fair play and I feel sure that your wife will feel better about you if you let the dog shit in your cereal bowl each morning and then lick her doggy anus.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

dashitster's picture

i shit about three times a day
one of those shits usually partake's in my dogs bowl
three years ago i acquired a fetish i let my dog shadow (doberman miniature) lick my cornhole and ever since then i couldn't get enough of it..

until recently. everday i get home from work, i turn on my 360. literally 2 minutes later shadow jumps onto the bed and will start sniffing and gnawing at my ass and wont stop till i shit in her bowl.

my question is. my wife caught me letting shadow lick my ass. how can i convince my wife it was an innocent prank and how can i stop my dog from continually sniffing and gnawing at my ass till i shit in her bowl???
plz help

Mr.SoHawmosixuall's picture

Just have one of your best male friends continuously plunging your "hole" with his hard penis. That will ratlle the zits away in no time. Do it every night until they're gone. Have a sleep over for as many days if needed.

Anonymous coward's picture

this is hilarious rofl ..

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

Try finding some of those old stridex medicated pads as advertised on American Band Stand.

Poopypoophole.'s picture

One chilly day My friend & i went for a walk in the woods om a trail, & i needed to go poopoo & there wasnt a toilet, but good for me, my friends boyfriend had made a little play place when he was younger & there was a grill, so i pooped on the grill cover, then i plopped it on the grill. (: It was HUGE. It was also orange & soft. & of course we lofao. & i wiped my ass with her boyfriends jacket, as she did when she pissed & we heard some tussle in the bushes, & ran, i dropped the jacket & then her brother went in the woods, found the jacket, & came home wearing it. & my friend told him that i had wiped my ass with it, & there was still poopy on it. Now, everyone knows, & i cowardly tell people it wasnt true, then i say it is sarcastically. :D
BUTT ;
With this being said, i hope you are my friends, & i hope my boyfriend that i love so much, doesnt read this.
True story,
I just act a wittle poopy.

Make Money Online's picture

Keep it up, your writing is always a joy to read that I even told my friends. Simply loving this!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Good call Chief. A freak with ass zits is a rare find.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

AF....We can always use a freak's viewpoint, register and join in the fun!!


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous Freak's picture

OMG I have not laughed so much in ages!! LMFAO!!!! Yes, I get ass zits. They hurt and they are embarrassing as hell. I'm thinking of using retin a on my ass.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Thats right Big N Sexy......We here at Poop Report have come to the understanding that since pooping is very essential to good health and is something that virtually everyone does there should be no taboos in discussing it. No fetishes are allowed, and as well as trying to be funny we also try to be helpful. There are many members of PR who suffer from IBS or are recovering from colon or rectal cancer, we offer support and understanding to these people.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Big n sexy, this is about intellectual poop humour. Fetishes are not tolerated here. Many of us have poop problems and many don't. What we do like is to laugh at poop and fart jokes and stories. Not a fetish, or an obsession. Just a desire to share stories that those around us in real life may not care to hear. Poop fetishes are someplace else but not at Poopreport.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Big N Sexy's picture

Wow....you guys have a whole site about poop....c'mon now...whats up with this? I mean its just a tad strange that you guys come on here and talk about poop all day. I think you may have a bit of a fetish....anyway. BTW Congrats on everyone for using good grammar, its hard to find that on the internet! :D

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I dont know if it is true, but I heard pimples are contageous.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Pimples King's picture

For Jane who posted on 10.22.2007 the answer may be in that old wives tale that sitting in splashes of urine on toilet seats converts to pimples and boils. At least it kept my kid sister largely avoiding sitting on public toilets until she learned otherwise in Everyday Living class in middle school.

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