will my poops pop my ass zits?

// // 144 Comments
j 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Tina asks:

My question is not neccesarily about poop. But I have these red bumps that look like zits around my ass hole. They're even down by my legs. What are they and can they break while letting my load go?





Tina,

Thanks for the question! I have never been troubled by ass zits, but I see many patients that have them.


Shave WITH the grain, never ever AGAINST the grain.

Some 80 grit wet-N-dry may work.

Rough them up with your kitchen cheese grater.

Lay off the anal.

If the above suggestions do not help, you can simply wash them with some acne soap, or show your ass to a dermatologist.

_________________

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?












144 Comments on "will my poops pop my ass zits?"

Turd Hugegrunt's picture
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Tina:

You may be suffering from the dreaded CAE Syndrome, dear. (That's Caustic Ass Effluent.) And it's usually caused by your diet or other substances you ingest.

The pimples, boils, and bubos associated with CAE Syndrome are the result of wet, loose, explosive buttflow that splatters your ass crack, ass cheeks, and runs down your legs.

You definitely should spread your cheeks really wide when sqattin' over the bowl and then clean up really well after each butt blow.

By the way, Tina, were you featured in the December 2002 issue of Hustler? That girl definitely had CAE Syndrome! Oh, and if that was you, I would have that particularly large boil just to the right of and slightly below your anus checked out immediately by a skin specialist. It looks suspiciously like a tertiary shanker.

Peace in the Poopchute.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Maybe you have herpes.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Slim Jim Junkie's picture
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If you push with great force, the increased bloodflow might fatten them up, and burst them, or at least make them easier to pop.

I have one single solitary butt zit, but it often gets quite annoying.

They Call Me Shit Brick's picture
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Well then...its actually called folliculitis or boils. They are easily treated with a mild antibacterial soap at shower time, keep your chonies clean, an astringent or OTC acne cream,and if none of these work, go see your doc! I have butt bumps too, they SUCK! I freakin hate them. Im not one to sport some ass floss anyway, and Im already married, and he has ass bumps too.

They still call me Shit Brick's picture
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oh yeah...I forgot to finish my sentence, I dont sport ass floss so I dont have to worry about showing anyone my butt in public anyway. That wasnt a very important addition...but I feel better that I wrote it anyway. Anyways. I have to poop. It hurts when I sneeze.

annabella's picture
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rigth next to my anus and vagina i felt a pimples please tell me what it is im very worried

ZitsFree Asswipe's picture
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I have a question... Do all those people with the zits on deyz asses shower frequently? My ass is sooo fresh and soooo cleen and I do not experience the zits on da ass or anywhere around the ass or groin region. DO NOT, AND I REPEAT, DO NOT TOUCH THE ASS WITH FRIED CHICKEN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE!!! THE GREASE WILL CAUSE X-TREME ANAL DISCHARGE!!! AND I REPEAT, RADICALLY SEVERE ANAL DISCHARGE!!! It's a good lubricant, I know, but get the jalapeno peppers before you fornicate your anal region with an extra crispy wing. I am a proctoligist from the University of Yale and have a Ph.D. in anal functions and disfunctions. Na... I'm just a black dude that LOVES da ass too much for it to be all grimey. For the record...I'm not black.

Alex Cooper's picture
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i have this mole growing over my ass hole and i can't poop

Amber's picture
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I have this habit of perpetually picking my ass. Not during any particular times, and mostly during moments of boredom and/or being stressed out. I guess you could say it is my stress relief. While I have never picked to the point of bleeding, I do tend to keep the poo scrapings underneath my fingernails, as I like to inhale the aroma at various times throughout the day. My question is this- I have acrylic nails, and get regular manicures. Is the poop residue, that my nail lady cleans out with her metal utensils, hazardous to the health of the next person who recieves a nail cleaning? And if so, what are the health hazards?

shitting is almost as good as sex's picture
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Amber , you are a sick sick person ...you don`t need manicures , you need professional help ...id never wanna shake hands with you without wearing a glove :/

i cant poop's picture
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i cant poop everyday is that bad or good i haven tpoped at all this week it hurts when i sit down though i was just wonderign if my ass is goign to blow when i do take a crap

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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"i cant poop", what does your question have to do with this article?

And I agree that Amber is sick.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

L Wrong Hubbard's picture
l 100+ points
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Let's get back on to the subject of poop, not ass zits and herpes. Eww!

Happy trails,
L. Wrong
Chairman & CEO, PPK Industries

Happy trails,
L. Wrong
Chairman & CEO, PPK Industries

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Would poop all over ass zits suffice?

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I HAVE ASS ACNE AND IT WONT GO AWAY, I SHOWER DAILY AND KEEP MY UNDIES CLEAN... AHHH O WELL IVE LEARNED TO JUST LIVE WITH IT

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I just found a mole growing on my butthole and another between my vagina and butthole. I can't believe how many people on this thing seem to be experiencing this problem. Has anyone found out what it is? I am a cleandly person, but I have enjoyed anal sex with my boyfriend frequently. Could this be the cause?

pardon et moi...'s picture
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So I was earching for answeres for a geogrpahy assignment and raondly in goole this is one of the search topics that came up so i clicked.. for a laugh.. you guys area ll fuckin wierdos hahaha....

me-u-and her's picture
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i get get ass zits at times and they'er way awesome to pop unless they hurt like hell but what i don't get why do i get them i a shower4times a day but i love to take craps dude there awesome

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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You get ass zits because, no matter how much you shower, you sit on your ass and it's enclosed in a sweaty piece of cotton. The heat and sweat breeds bacteria that get into your pores and bring out ass zits.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Big turd's picture
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Frequently I have huge poops, like one end is all the way down in the toilet and down the toilet drain and the other side is still connected to my butt, I have to get off the seat to finish? Is this bad or should I just start taking pictures and posting them... They might break a world record... Help me, lonely big poop gurl...

TEHE's picture
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I have zits on my ass cheeks. It's cuz Im in school sitting on hard chairs all day!!

Assacneisme's picture
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This is great, and yes Amber is a sicko and of course - I have a moderate ass acne problem. I need to get my hands on that soap you people have alluded to, but nobody mentioned an actual brand. I'm not using hand/dish antibacterial soap on my hiney. Someone help.

Bunghole In the Jungle's picture
l 100+ points
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Assacneisme, There are a few products that may help you: Aveeno soap with Oatmeal, Castilian soap or (my first choice and don't let the name freak you out), pine tar soap on a moistened loofah. Yup. Very healing and soothing. And don't forget to follow up with a mild witch hazel astringent.

keeping the whack in tally-ho...
Fartuituos!
Serenshittipy!

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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BinTJ-- My cheekies are stingin' just reading your post. ASStringent? Butt I guess it makes sense. Still...*shudder*

Holy Crap!'s picture
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I have one pimple in between my butt cheeks right were the crack starts and some very small zits all over my butt cheeks and some on my legs. Why is this?

P.S. Amber, you are a sick bastard. You discrace our human race!

ButtOxidation's picture
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Amber... Marry me? :-)

Ambers#1Fan's picture
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Ok. Ok. Me and my boss are very close.. we talk about everything well one day I was like I have a zit on my face that wont go away well when we searched the internet for a quick fix we came up with ass zits hence this forum thingy on poopreport.com so we started reading the entries and getting a huge kick out of why people so openly discuss this.. So i needed to comment on Ambers story as did everyone else. I find this to be a gross but humerous story to tell when your hanging out at the bar with friends and everyone needs a good laugh. I feel soo bad for the little chinese lady that does amber's nails. That's kind of discusting.. So yea.. I just wanted to write and say that.. Get on to talking about poop.. Have fun!

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points
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Two suggestions for ass zits.

1. Try taking more showers and cleaning up down there.

2. Invest in some acne medicine, like Proactive or something.

3. Change your underwear more often (Rememer the old saying "wear clean underwear incase you have an accident").

4. See a dermatologist an show him/her your ass.
_______
Watch out for the deadly F4, though he's been gone since '53, he will be back.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

turd face's picture
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ok um...today i pooped and it hurt really really bad. i have this burning sensation in my ass hole and it wont go away. what should i do??

Anonymous Coward's picture
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hi, i have no urge to go to the bathroom. Even if i go i just manage to poop a little.. this has been going on for two weeks now. I do not know the problem. I also took prescribed laxitives but that did not work either. I also have been drinking tons of water and still the same outcome is exprinces. Whats wrong with me?

Shit Attack's picture
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I get violent and sudden onsets of the shits. Usually at the most inconvenient times. The problem is, my ass seems to break out in smarms of zits whenever I have these volcano shits. This just makes the next bout of diarrhea that much worse. It burns so bad, my asshole becomes a blowtorch. Is this normal?

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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Actually, to me, that sounds like you're eating something to which you're allergic.

Maybe the allergy first causes the diarrhea, then the ingredient exiting causes the rash.

Motherload?

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I really hate to throw some fuel on the fire..

But yes, I have a problem, unlike most of the people here tho, I think my problem is worse then most. I've got what seems to be some kinda zit/boil right on the sweet spot =\ Its bugin the hell out'a me and I'm tryin to find out if i should just pop it or not.

Why I'd bring this up is, cuz ontop of your ass (Your cheek skin) is more or less like any other skin, take care of it ect ect and you't not going to get zits (White heads with puss)

Now where I start wondering and becomein more worryed about my own, is that its fuckin big. Not only is it big, but its under the skin and basicly right there on the sweet spot.. Its just kinda aboive and down towards it.

Another thing that stands out is it is NOT white like a normal whitehead (zit) would be. Truthfuly I donno if it is even popable through the skin there.. like when I say its on the sweet spot I don't say that lightly. Its kinda got biger over the past month and I've been washing the hell out of it hopeing it'd go away without any luck.

To discribe it, it looks big bulky and dark. I can for sure not only see (Thanks to the help of yoga class's and a mirror) it, but allso feel it there.

D2's picture
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Like many others here I occasionally get ass zits, mainly on the cheeks. They hurt like a bitch. I am a clean person and the rest of my body is acne free so I attacked this problem (as many here have advised) by scrubbing harder and more often, but the zits only got worse.

I finally broke open a few books on skin care and read that over cleaning can irritate the skin and steal the oils healthy skin needs. Per what I read I switched to just (fairly gently) cleaning my ass with soap and my hands when showering. Its a few weeks later and the zits are gone. Hope that helps.

ps-Amber, you're a freak, keep it up

Rapid fire's picture
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This is my first bout with ass zits.

Its good to know I'm not alone.

I think mine might be coming from my nugget-like rapid fire pooping sessions. For the past couple of weeks I've blasting off machine gun poops into public toilets. Maybe the splashing of dirty poop water is causing it. Does anyone think this is valid?

Lately I have been putting some toilet paper in the water before I go and it helps with the splash.

Gilgamesh's picture
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I have ginormious ass zits.. Its impossible to pop some of them without a wrench, and when I apply the wrench tecnique it hurts like the bejesus. They are making there way down the back of my leg and I feel like my body is being over-run by dirty butt boils.
I remember back in the day with I had really bad out of controll face acne I would shave my face and rub my face with rubbing alcohol afterwards. Belive me it feels like hell is having a sexy party on your face but after a week of many sexy hell partys my face was pimple free.
My plan is to use this method on my ass and see the results, I'll get back with the ass pimple community with my results.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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I don't know... alcohol is very drying, and that CAN be good, but too MUCH drying can cause your pores to go into oil OVER production.

Are you sure it isn't herpes or something?

Urgent turd pooplets with blood girl's picture
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Yeah, sometimes i get this urgent feeling, like i am going to have an urgent turd. Well, it feels like its going to explode my asshole, and then i run to the toilet, and sit down, but the only thing that comes out is about 1 gallon of blood and about 3 little pooplets with it!! the stench is horrific, sometimes i pass out and wake up in a pool of buttliquid. whats going on???

Anonymous Coward :)'s picture
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this is very strange.
o_O

SexyBiotch's picture
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ok, ok, ok! I have to admit I am very entertained right about now...lol. I am really, REALLY attractive. Everywhere i go all eyes are on me, however my one and forever problem has been the persistence of acne that seems to have made permanent residence on my ass. I used to have acne everywhere and i mean ass, face, back, neck and even arms. Thankfully all areas have nicely cleared and have not proposed a problem since, but the one area that just won't quit rears is ugly face.

Your best advise is seriously needed here!!!!

BTW: Amber your sick!

Artful Dodger's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points
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SexyBiotch, We're all really, REALLY attractive here on the Internet. And the rest of us don't have ass zits.

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points
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That we are artful! I know I dont have azz zits. Yuck.
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

Miss Simone Scat's picture
k 500+ points
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How do fellow PR folks feel about a significant other popping "said" zits. I like mine left alone.
Producing waste since 1967

Producing waste since 1967

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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Isn't the degree to which a person truly IS attractive inversely proportional to the degree to which they TELL everyone they're attractive?

Inspector Pu P. Stayne's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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To "Urgent turd pooplets with blood girl"- you better go see a doctor right away! You could have colon cancer, or something else serious.

Poopmaster"G"'s picture
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omfg! u guys are great. i mean it. i feel kind of bad that i'm just another person who randomly stumbled upon this site (was lookin for a way to trap fruitflies lol), and don't actually HAVE ass zits, just so i could have some relevant input on this. but i couldn't let this go without saying something.

oh yeah, and Amber, before the fake nails, were u ever a nailbiter? just curious. cuz that'd be the ultimate in gross. u'd deserve like a shit-crown or something.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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you are all some wayout people. What happens in the bathroom should stay in the bathroom

Jane's picture
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I'm a freshman at a large state university. I'm rarely in my dorm room, except to sleep so I'm using largely public bathrooms 18 hours a day. Since starting school in mid-August, I've developed three or four zits on my ass and thighs. My roommate thinks I may have picked them up from using public bathrooms. One on my right butt is like a boil, and it occasionally hurts and mathers since I have to sit on it. I haven't had a lot of experience in using public toilets before this year. I was taught that you couldn't pick anything up from a public toilet seat. Now I'm beginning to wonder.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Jane, that one on your right cheek may not be a zit or boil at all....it could be your undeveloped twin sister....ever think of that? Sit a little more carefully and stop thinking of only yourself.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Convinced's picture
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I got into some bad habits in college, one of which Jane indirectly described and that's sitting directly down on public toilet seats. I guess I just got lazy and continued it for a few years on. However, Jane you've just convinced me on why I need to get back to covering public toilet seats. I'm gonna let someone else contract your boils and zits. Happy crapping and peeing!

zit on the sweet spot's picture
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I had an ass zit (or something couldn't see) right on the asshole it hurt like hell but then it it stoped hurting and it decreased in size but it didn't go away completely that was on the left side now i have another on the right side of the hole and it hurts like hell. I am thinking of poping the shit out of it but whenever i try it hurts like hells on fire.

Artful Dodger's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points
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zit on the sweet spot, if you're unable to get the deed done alone I'm sure there are any number of clergymen (from a religion that shall remain anonymous) that would be willing to "pope" your bunghole.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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"Poping" butt zits requires holy water, a silver cross, and a really funny hat. Oh...and some guy with a really heavy, almost unintelligible accent, speaking Latin (presumably, hard to tell with the aforementioned accent)...and for good measure, some thirteen year old chick projectile vomiting split pea soup on the guy with the funny hat. Uh....hmmm...maybe thats for demons, and possession....ah hell, butt zits, possession, whats the difference?

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

zit on the sweet spot's picture
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Artful Dodger, I don't think those clergymen are an option

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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Butt zits are are the outward symptom of insufficient testosterone in and around your sphincter. Testosterone raises the PH level of the skin, creating an inhospitable environment for the bacteria that causes zits to grow.

I would suggest that you get some guy to shoot his wad in your ass crack and then smear the jism liberally over the affected area. This technique also works if you have facial acne. Just have the guy aim for the bridge of your nose. Lastly, if you have a severe case of zits that extends down your neck, I would suggest that you request a "pearl necklace" treatment as well.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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i have boils in between my legs near my..pee hole..and im sick of them any1 have any remedies? like i shower once or twice a day so im clean and all...maybe its cuz im fat and dont get alot of exercize...

omfg. haha's picture
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Jesus Christ omg omg omg i am so glad i found this site i haven't laughed so much in forever. this was an amazing 30 mins of reading. seriously. lololol. although i have a few ass zits its still funny as hell. you guys think of the funniest ways to describe your shit. i cracked up the whole entire time. except for ambers comment. lol actually i probably laughed for it too honestly. haha. ok i was looking for a simple solution but i guess i can live with a few zits although they kinda hurt when i try to pop them. i look like a pretzel looking at them in the mirror. lmao. i should video that shit and sell it. lol. ok i guess im done typing and thank u all for laughs and i tried to make this kinda funny too since it seems that everyone attempted to. LOVE, PEACE, AND AFRO GREECE.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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www.Helpforkp.Com try it.

Someone who knows's picture
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You guys SERIOUSLY have herpes and/or a staph infection. This shit is not normal! Get tested you nasty f***ers!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
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My advice has not been sought, but for the love of humanity here it is. Find a worn out tire (the kind where the steel tread plies are sticking out all over) and take it to your local tire store. Ask the man there if he can hi-speed balance it. When it is spinning about 3000 rpm, yell out "someone is stealing some tires". When he runs out to investigate, drop your pants and plow your ass into that spinning tire. When the smoke clears (it may smell a bit) you should be smooth as a babys behind. If you have some aftershave, splash it on.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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This fascination with defecation and fecal matter, is a critical stage in Freudian theory on age and life stages. Freud states that in the first stages of life "children are at one in thinking that babies must be born through the bowel; they must make their appearance like lumps of faeces" ....all this to say that y'all are stuck in the fecal stage...get over it your asses and all their woes aren't very interesting or important after all...however, it's really f**in funny reading your posts

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
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OMFG! You mean I didn't come out of my mothers asshole!!

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Sadly, PD, its true. You and I, we are unique...we actually DID walk out of the primordial ooze (read: cesspool), with out the benefit, or human frailties, of actual human DNA.
When I first found this out, it was like reliving the whole "Santa Claus isn't real" thing again, which you and I both know is untrue...stupid humans.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
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That explains the web feet huh?

anAnother's picture
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Thank for the comment. It was funny but at the same time , i appreciate the medical comment about this situation. For some people it might seemed like a joke but for other it is relief.
Thank you and keep up advising about this matter.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Seriously, people, skin infections are rarely a hygiene thing alone. Way to perpetuate the myths and stigma. For those with lumps and bumps in the private bits and pieces, may I suggest you look up pilonidal cysts, hidradenitis suppurativa, Bartholin's cysts (for the ladies) and thrombosed hemorrhoids for just a few suggestions of painful lumps between waist and mid thigh (and sometimes other places with hidradenitis). Herpes lesions are not white headed spots, pimples or boils. They are blisters and scabs. And everyone has staph in or on them. Get thyself to a doctor!

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
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no offense to Poonurse, wherever she may be, but Motherload and Snapper are doing a much better job offering poop-related medical advice. even though it usually boils down to "go to the doctor," they at least try to give some insight as to what the problem might be.

just another example of how far the site has come!
_______
i love poop.

i love poop.

once a poop..always a poop's picture
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Once upon a time there was a king, and he had a big ass. And the king had a queen, and she had a bigger ass. And they both had zits, and it was painful but life was good. Now, the king and the queen had just bought this huge castle and large SUV on credit, and it was 2005. For a while, they worried and cried about their Zits as if they were all that mattered... Now, the King and Queen had a son and a daughter, and they both had zits on their asses. They regarded this as a 'family heritage' and carried their huge asses proudly.
The children were convinced by their parents that buying a home was good. Since they had little credit, they took a low-doc no-money-down loan to buy a condo each. And it was all fun in 2005.
Well, fast-forward to 2008. They dont have such big asses anymore, and their zits have dried on their own.
I guess we dont need to ask what was the solution for these hugegantic asses.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Great fun, reading that reply about getting a shredded tire spin-balanced. I laughed until I cried, no joke!

mr-t's picture
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you all are a bunch of sick fucks!