pooping longer when you become a teen?

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j 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Jay asks:

Why does it seem to take longer to poop when you become a teenager, especially guys? Why does it seem like you poop more times a day? Say you only went once a day -- then, when become a teen guy, it's more like three to four times a day. Why? What is it that makes guys do this?





Dear Jay,

I say this a mother who has suffered through the teen years of two sons:

What makes teenage boys do anything? What makes teenage boys wear the same underpants for a week? What makes them wear dirty socks? What makes them say "DUH" in response to everything you say to them?

As I have never been a teenage boy, I would have no clue about their bowel habits. Sorry I couldn't have been more help, but thanks for asking Poonurse!

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?












46 Comments on "pooping longer when you become a teen?"

ida's picture
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it's because you eat more as a teenager, therefore, you have to poop more.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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It's because teenagers, especially teenaged boys, are full of shit.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

disembowel movement's picture
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hmmm... ya know, as a girl, i found that i actually spend a hell of a lot more time in the bathroom when i was younger. now that i'm older, i have what my mother likes to call "slammers." go figure.

cardkid's picture
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When I take a dump it blasts all over the place.
It splashes water all over my a**. Once I looked down to see what my crap looked like and it splashed all over my face!!!! Can you invent some kind of gel to put in toilets so it doesnt splash all over my a**?

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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It's called toiletpaper, cardkid. Put it in the bowl and it'll keep the stuff from splashing. Though this doesn't work very well with me, I've heard it works well with regular, non-giant shitters.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I think that you are a clatty jake for coming onto this site. Go and eat a toilet LOOOSERS!!!

*mod note: i should've deleted this, but i'm curious...what's a clatty jake?*

Bunghole In the Jungle's picture
l 100+ points
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The word "clatty" means dirtied or muddied. Jake? No idea.

keeping the whack in tally-ho...
Fartuituos!
Serenshittipy!

Bunghole In the Jungle's picture
l 100+ points
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Okay, I was super curious so thought I'd look up under slang. The word Jake as it's used in this context, I believe, is:

jake/jakey Noun. 1. A drunk, a meths drinker. Derog. [Scottish/Glasgow use?]
2. A down and out, a homeless person. Derog. [Scottish/Glasgow use?]

keeping the whack in tally-ho...
Fartuituos!
Serenshittipy!

JamieTeal's picture
l 100+ points
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I'm rather more interested in the comment "go and eat a toilet." That is bringing on images of human/snake hybrids who can unhinge their jaws to swallow gigantic pieces of porcelain.

The Big Wiper's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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There's this to consider: when some guys reach puberty, they do other things on the toilet besides poop. Most of us guys have been there and done that.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points
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TSV 4/30/04, LOL. Not all teenage boys go through this. As a teen I would have no more than two bowel movements per day. (If my IBS was not acting up).

My buest guess is diet. Many teenagers eat alot, and mostly junk food at that.
_______
Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I'm on this site, therefore I must be a "clatty jake." I think I've been traumatized. As for teen taking longer, you've got bigger turds to push out. that and what TBW said (evil snicker). ;>

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points
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When I was a teen I shat at most twice a week, often only once. Far less than I do now for example.

shitake boy's picture
l 100+ points
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When I was a teenager, I pooped 4 times a day myself, but that was way before I developed IBS. I always took 15-20 minutes to poop. And, unlike what TBW suggests teen boys do on the toilet, I ONLY pooped,when I was on the toilet for that time frame, and occasionally fell asleep. My friends would call after I got home from school, and this was prime pooping time for me, and I usually bee-lined it to the toilet, as soon as I walked in. What my mother used to do is acually tell any of my friends that called at that time, that I was on the toilet. Parents...she couldn't keep that part a secret, and just say I was not around.
_______
Bruce S.

In search of the ever evasive BM

Incomplete Ian's picture
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I'm 16 and on many days I sit down to shit at school two or three times and usually have one much more significant shit as soon as I get home. The problem is that the bathrooms at school are gross and I often have to wipe pee off the seat and sometimes even toilet paper that the previous user has put down. By the time my butt hits the seat and I start pushing, the one-minute warning bell rings and I have to get my underwear and jeans up and make a run to my class. Then during the next class break, I sit down again, get a little more out and then the bell rings. It sucks even worse when all four or five stalls are taken by the time I get in. It was never as bad in elementary or middle school. Also, my girlfriend says they share some of the same concerns. She's in drama and last night excused herself after school for "Scene V", the fifth time she used the bathroom that day. Both she and I think it's the strict school rules and crowded and gross toilets that are causing the problem. We don't, however, feel the situation is going to improve any time soon.

Poopin' Layla's picture
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I agree with Ian that schools offer the absolute worst in bathrooms. They suck! However, I don't believe I poop longer now that I'm a teen. At home I'll sit down and have my BM and be wiped, up and flush all within two minutes. That is the same that it was when I was in elementary school and middle school. While it sucks having to wait in line for a stall in the crowded bathrooms at school and occasionally have older girls take cuts, once I get into a stall, pull my jeans and panties down and am seated, I don't use any more time on the stool than at home. Complications, however, are that sometimes I grab for a toilet paper roll that is bare or that another girls opens the door on me because some of the latches are busted off. It might be the lines but I don't sit down until I'm holdin' it in and ready to go. Unlike Ian, I do stay on the stool even if the bell rings and when I'm honest with my teachers, I find that they are understanding. That might also be because I'm on Stu-Co and taking AP classes. It's the same with peeing: as soon as I lower my panties and place myself on the seat my flow is going. What's troubling most to me is wasting 10 minutes in line for two minutes on the stool. However, Ian has it right. Nothing's about to change. School bathrooms suck and always will.

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points
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Layla - was just the same when I was at school too! But the amazing thing is that even now - with all my years of public pooping experience, I STILL forget to check if there is TP before I poop. And as I don't go till I'm holding it in either, that can be a problem! For a few years now I've been putting two or three tissues in my pocket as a matter of course for such 'emergencies'!

Standee's picture
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Layla posts: "What's troubling most to me is waiting ten minutes in line for two minutes on the stool." I fully agree. I've waited up to 20 minutes at some concerts for my two minutes on the stool. And by the time I get into the stall, I'm more than ready to drop my panties and go. My mom says I'm "overreacting" and "immature" about some life situations, but I can't help but think that some of the time wasted by those standing and waiting in line is due to the women who are not fully prepared to do the quick sit, shit or pee. I mean I sometimes get my hopes up that I'm finally ready to unload and the user in front of me takes 5 or 10 minutes on the stool. It just doesn't seem fair. Why can't they learn to unload within two minutes like Layla and me? How can they justify the long shits and, I know this for a fact, finally leave after a long sit produces no shit? Such persons are so inconsiderate of those that really are prepared and who have waited and waited to get on the stool. Me and a friend were lost earlier this summer in an inner city neighborhood. We stopped at a fast food place to pee, get directions and get something to eat. There was a sign saying that all food and drink had to be consumed within 30 minutes and anyone staying longer (I would think without re-ordering) would be charged as loiterers. I know I would favor such a rule for public bathroom stalls. My bladder would sure appreciate it.

Crappin' Cami's picture
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I agree with Standee. I don't exactly know what "loitering" is but I know that it sucks to wait for the toilet stall that doesn't open for 15 or 20 minutes because some self-centered person is misusing their privilege of using the facility. It happened to me last week at a three-stall Wal-Mart bathroom. Me and my best friend were shopping for music when I felt a crap coming on.

I went into the bathroom with a three-day crap ready to come out when I saw that I had a problem. Stall three (the closest to the end and against the wall) was not in use so I went in. There was no toilet. It had been completely removed from the wall, with only a pipe left behind to protrude. Another stall was also posted as being broken. The only other stall was occupied. I looked in and saw a girl about 11 just sitting there and not moving. I saw her shorts and underwear were at floor level and she was just sitting there without movement or noise. I waited another 10 minutes and then still no movement or noise. A.J., my friend, had to pee and my poop was ready to explode out into my pants. A.J. knocked on the door and asked the girl if she was done, and she said she didn't know because she was just sitting there killing time because she had a fight with her mother over what winter coat she wanted to buy. I guess she was just sitting and sitting to pout. I ended up having my crap in my pants and both A.J. and I had to walk across the street to the mall in order to get into a bathroom.

Now I strongly believe that if teens had a loitering rule just like Standee described, this wouldn't have been a problem. Pee or shit ASAP and then get off the pot. Think about the others.

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points
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Crappin' Cami - you did a three-day crap in your pants because some spoiled little brat was too inconsiderate to move her arse??? I've always been good at holding my crap, but if I'd been you, I'd have politely asked her to move, if that failed, told her to move, and if that failed too, I'd have crapped on the floor in one of the 'out of use' cubicles, rather than crap my pants.

But I think your last paragraph is absolutely spot on!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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But in order to enforce a "loitering rule", you'd have to have open toilets or stalls with no doors, so that people could see whether you were actually using the toilet or not. Do you really want everyone else to see you having a piss/shit? I think not.

Someone - presumably a "toilet warden" of some kind - would also have to be employed to enforce the rule, which would be an extra expense.

Cami, why didn't you explain to the girl that you were about to shit your pants? (Although I'm slightly suspicious that your story might be fake. I've never *really* believed that girls actually shit. For all I know, all the "girls" on this site might in fact be men. And the freaky scat porn photos you see on joyangeles.com et al. are probably fake.)

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I just found my new calling...going into the public sector...I'm gonna be a Toilet Warden!!!!

Do I get a badge and a gun? Can I turn the siren on?

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Al Bundy's picture
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Now, my friend, you are a man!

poopcrayon's picture
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i didn't poop as a teenager. ever. i did spend a lot of time in the 3rd floor bathroom smoking cigarettes, but i NEVER pooped.


_______
all aboard the farty train to pooterville..if you can't shit at my house, we aren't friends

all aboard the farty train to pooterville

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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In response to Cami's comment -

As the mother of a kid that age, the child's behavior on the toilet makes me laugh. She didn't know you had to go so badly; she just knew she didn't want to wear the ghey-assed coat her mother pulled off the sale rack when mom was most likely wearing Chanel or Pierre Cardin and had forgotten how it is to have ninety percent of your winter coolness depend on what coat you had. The only thing in her universe at that point was having to spend the rest of the winter wearing a shitty coat.

Maybe if you told her how bad you had to go, she would have gotten out of the stall for a bit. I am sorry you pooped yourself, though. At that point, I'd have been tempted to crap in the broken stall!


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Anonymous Coward who made the "toilet warden" comment above's picture
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(Just to clarify that I'm the same Anonymous Coward who posted above)

Allowing loitering in stalls is a necessary evil. It may be inconsiderate to other people, but it's better than the alternative - because the alternative would be to have open toilets or stalls without doors, so that people could be prevented from loitering in the stall. I'm aware that open stalls are not unknown in the US, but they're extremely rare in the UK (where I'm from) and I personally find the idea disgusting. (I'm a university student and a cadet in the OTC - roughly equivalent to your US Army ROTC - and even on military bases we have private stalls. I don't think I've ever seen a British public toilet without private stalls.) The right to privacy when crapping is ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL. Also, although I'm male, I don't use urinals (I suffer from mild urinary paruresis, so I can't piss when I know someone might be watching) so I NEED a private stall with a door, even to piss. I don't care how dirty/unhygienic the toilet is, as long as it's private.

And you would have to have a "toilet warden" of some kind to enforce a no-loitering rule, as I noted above. This is IMO a ridiculous and authoritarian idea, and it would also be an extra expense for the operators of public toilets - meaning that more toilets would have to charge people who use them. And I'm sure none of us want that.

Duece- Droppin' Dan's picture
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I'm 17, and I Poo WAAAAy more that when I was younger- and it takes me longer. I probably poo 3-4 times a day.. pretty sweet..

Former Mall Customer's picture
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Outside of security occasionally walking through, public toilets really have no supervision and I feel young people, especially teenagers, need occasional reminders of what's the right thing to do. Twice this past week I've made a quick trip to the mall on my lunch hour and my intent has been to do some fast shopping and by using the food court, get lunch to go that I can then take back to my office. What I've encountered in both cases are arrogant, some would say hostile teens, who are taking up stall space without regard to traffic flow and the needs of others. Several of us were waiting for a stall while this one high school-age girl just sat and sat and yapped and yapped on her cell phone. Because I was the next to use the stall, I would look in the door and see her sitting there--jeans down, underwear at stool level totally oblivious to everyone else--as she talked to her boyfriend. I believe it was the third time when I deliberately looked in the door and made eye contact, she stopped the conversation and asked "What's your problem?". I told her the line was getting longer. Her response: "Dah"! About 5 minutes later she vacated and brushed by me mumbling that I was an old *****. (I'm 44). There was a piece of crap about an inch long in the bowl that she didn't flush. I peed and was out of there in 2 minutes. In the 2nd situation, my weight was also extra long and when I peeked in on the girl who was probably about 12 or 13, she was just sitting there with no bodily movement at all and no noise of any bodily functions being transacted. Finally, after the second time I peeked in on her, she cursed and abruptly got up, slammed the door open and left without wiping, flushing or anything. I wonder if some of these teens are using the toilets just for hanging out or as a replacement for the mall bench.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I have a stepson who has had very bad bowel habits since he was a little boy - he was 6 when I first had to clean up the overflow in his undies. He has seen every professional possible, had all the physio possible. I would like to reinforce that he does not soil his pants if he is reminded to go to the toilet every day. This is now getting a touch tiresome at 14 years old! What do we do now he is this age? Numerous health professionals are now shaking their head because physically there is nothing wrong, emotionally we have issues due to the usual split family disasters which he does get help for. If there is anything you can add to help us it would be very much appreciated....

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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Make him clean himself up, do his own laundry, and not let him watch tv or be on the computer until it's done?


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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This seems like an attention-getting mechanism. I lived nextdoor to this kid (though he was much younger than 14) who had a neglectful mother living in one house and a doting father living in another. His father spent all the time in the world with his son, until the boy was old enough for school. Suddenly one day he discovered that if he messed in his pants he'd be sent home and spend the rest of the day with his father. It soon got to the place where he pissed and/or shat himself on almost a daily basis and his father never punished him. It was one thing when he was five and in kindergarten. This got to be a whole other problem when he was STILL doing it in the second grade. I have not seen this kid since 2002, but if his parents hold to their record, he is probably still doing it today. (Which is disturbing, because he's probably about thirteen.)

I agree with Daphne. Your stepson needs to be given some consequences for his actions. Obviously this problem has been going on for some time. However, at fourteen he needs to start learning some adult habits. Emotional problems or not, it may be a cruel case of letting the other fourteen-year-olds handle him. He'll stop VERY quickly!

_______
Born right the first time.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

MSG's picture
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As a high-school teacher I am around teenagers a lot; in our small school there is no separate faculty restroom, so I use whatever boys' room I am near when I have to go. On rare occasions a boy won't (or can't) flush, so I actually see a teenager's bowel products (no idea whose, of course--I'm never there at dropping time because I'm teaching class). From my own teenage years I still remember dropping some whoppers, and after yesterday I can testify that they still do. After 6th period (mid-afternoon) I visited a restroom and in a stall found a trophy (i.e., a movement someone had left for others to see). This was a set of 5-6 turds, the longest being at least a foot, with a couple of 4- or 5-inchers and some little ones, not very thick, but filling the bowl. I flushed it; it went down easily but left skidmarks.

After school I had to poop, so I went back, and I noticed that one of the toilets was clogged--no poop to see, but definitely clogged. I chose the other one, had my b.m., flushed it, and went back to the clogged one. Since the janitorial crew is short staffed, we faculty members are expected to do our part to minimize mess and clutter; therefore, I thought I would go ahead and flush to see if the clog would clear. I flushed it, and the toilet coughed up three very large solid turds, at least 6-8" by 1.5" each, and sent them careening around the bowl before the water crept perilously close to the rim. The water level slowly fell, taking the paper, but not the poop, with it. When all had settled, the turds were in a fairly neat formation near the hole, so I flushed again. That toilet is rather weak, so it was a half-hearted effort, but the poop went down. The resulting high water was still a turbid grayish-brown, but at least had no poop swirling in it. Skid-marks galore, but the toilet was now usable. However, the main point was that these EPODs (End Products of Digestion) were enormous and undoubtedly from teenage boys, so the tradition of huge b.m.'s from teens continues.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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God damnit! I thought my comment was deleted on another thread for some reason... Again, where's my Alzheimer's medicine? I know I put it around here somewhere...

_______
Born right the first time.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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As a teen myself I find that us teens tend to produce around a foot of fecal matter per day. Although I have to agree that for some of us our poop smells real bad. I've seen the digested remains from quite a few of my friends before and I can testify to that.

Jess's picture
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I had a fetish of shit before. I left a comment on this site when I was 11 or so.

Yes, some kids shit more than others, but it doesn't matter how old you are.

Mr. Masshole's picture
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I am a light weight and don't usually poop every day and when I do, often times it feels like it's huge and really is not. I tend to drop a long loaf when nervous about something and my stomach is in knots. I don't know how people can take a dump directly after eating a meal like 20 minutes later, for me it happens like a day or 2 later. It's like my digestive system is slow or something. I also have a poop fetish..I just like the smell of it and others, esp other teenage boys...yeah, I'm gay.

Bellyboy's picture
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All of you guys are dorks I'm 12 and I only poop once a week because I don't enter the school bathroom at all. I wait until I get home to go. I have to really pee so bad that my belly hurts, but I only poop once a week no matter how much I eat during the day. You guys are wimps if you can't hold it and go once a week.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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Well Bellyboy, when you get older you may have to change your name to Hemorrhoid-boy or Ruptured-bladder-boy. When you experience pain it is your bodies way of telling you something is not right. Your brain is a little on the wimpy side.


_______
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Butt of the Joke's picture
l 100+ points
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Well,BellyBoy, it appears as if your balls haven't dropped yet and you are calling others wimps because you are still...let's see,12 years old is a 6th grader...yeah,you haven't "secured your masculinity". You are probably the douchebag that wears pink shirts because they're cool. I'm guessing you talk shit everyday but I guarantee that you probably can't back it up. You want to show you aren't a wimp or a dork? Try actually going to the school bathroom. You,si-... kid,are a wimp for NOT going into the bathroom at school. Or maybe you can go pick a fight with an 8th grader,then see how much of a tough guy you are.
_______
More people flush than they do wash their hands.

More people flush than they do wash their hands.

El Scumbag's picture
k 500+ points
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"... Why does it seem like you poop more times a day? Say you only went once a day -- then, when become a teen guy, it's more like three to four times a day. Why? What is it that makes guys do this? "

Let's remind ourselves of the question. Nobody seems to have noticed the obvious. An adolescent boy may spend longer in the bathroom than he used to pre-puberty, and with more frequency, but he isn't necessarily having a long extended crap each time he's in there.

Christ, when I went through puberty I had friction burns on my palms. Going for a dump meant being alone for an excusable amount of time with my trousers down, idly (or frantically, dependent on circumstances) abusing myself to giddyness. So practiced at this self-taught art was I, that I once went from soft to milk during the 'breather' between the two halves of a bowel movement.

Maybe the lad's bowel habits are changing. Mine certainly did as puberty hit. It's not just a wobbly voice, sudden hairs and excessive masturbation, it's changes in bloody everything. Since this post, the boy has no doubt become a man and is probably mature enough to admit that many of his toilet visits were excuses to have a huge pull, so Jay, if you are still checking on this page, maybe you can ask him and find out.

Generally, if you have an adolescent boy in your life and he starts to spend more time in the loo, perhaps the best thing to do is not to mention it. He's probably secretly paranoid that people will know or suspect that he's been wanking in there, so just let him have his extended periods of closeted solitude, keep a tactful distance and turn a blind eye to any stray blobs of gentleman's relish that you might find in the bathroom from time to time. The damn stuff gets everywhere and all chaps must surely have experienced the post-climactic horror of not being able to find where the blasted stuff has landed, hopeful that you've managed to wipe it all, but not in the least certain, dreading that the next bathroom user is going to find your tatty-water on the towel or the tap or something.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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Scummy, You make me think of the book Portnoy's Complaint. As a teen the protagonist rubs one off in the bathroom with his sister's panties pulled over his head for extra stimulation. He fires off a blob of peter-snot with such force it makes it to the ceiling where it dangles on a light fixture which is unfortunately beyond his reach.

In another chapter his mother sends him to the meat market for some liver. He has the liver twice that day, once behind a billboard on the way home and again on his fork for supper that night.


_______
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

El Scumbag's picture
k 500+ points
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Thanks Chief, I’ve heard about that liver episode from somewhere, but I haven’t had the literary pleasure at first hand, so I’ll check that out when I get the chance (now that I know where to look).

As someone who finds liver absolutely revolting, I never had the opportunity or inclination to sample it’s pleasurable possibilities, but I did undertake some practical research with just about everything else in the kitchen: butter, cream, custard, fruit, vegetable oil, lard, slices of ham (wrapped around the old chap like a cold meat condom), ice cream, yoghurt, chocolate sauce (not recommended), crusty loaves of bread (poke a hole in it first and clear the crumbs from the edges), just about anything I could find really. For a while, virtually any substance that wasn’t obviously foolish (I drew the line at chili sauce) was fair game, and it took a few uncomfortable errors of judgement before I started practicing restraint and common sense. Thinking about it all now I’m getting quite nostalgic.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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Thanks for the laugh Scummy, it sounds like you may have had the wares of an entire delicatessen wrapped around your member during puberty.

I would think that a Cornish pasty, slightly cooled of course, would have been an object highly suited to masturbatory experimentation. To avoid waste its ravished remnants could have then been consumed by an unsuspecting member of the household.

I wonder if a Scottish lad has ever rogered a nice warm haggis?


_______
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

El Scumbag's picture
k 500+ points
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*Chuckle*

No, I never tried molesting a Cornish pasty Chief, because I would not have been able to resist eating it and baby-gravy simply doesn’t compliment the other flavours at all.

However, you have prompted me to share a tale. During a long summer school holiday at the age of fifteen, I woke slowly one morning to find that my dear mother had placed a nice fresh steaming mug of tea on my bedside table. I lay there with my eyes open just fractionally enough for me to see vaguely without becoming so conscious that I couldn’t fall straight back to sleep again. But as I pulled the quilt over my head I realised that I’d been awake just the tiniest bit too long. With closed eyes, I tried desperately to sleep, but with the tempting tea beside me just begging to be drunk, there was no chance. Drinking the tea meant that I’d be properly awake, so I fought my desire for it and decided to ignore the fact that it was there. I stayed horizontal and sighed as I realised that I’d even less chance of returning to slumber because my penis had woken up.

One can never ignore a stirring member, particularly when one is a teenager, and as I lay there, feeling it swell to a semi-on, I figured I’d take the opportunity of a damn good sausage massage and while gently stoking youth’s fires, my half-closed eyes lit upon the mug of tea within reach. ‘...Hmmmm...’, I pondered lethargically. '...I wonder...’, and imagined immersing my old boy in that nice warm tea. Mmmm... bet that’ll feel nice. Goodness knows why I wanted to test the erotic possibilities of a hot beverage, but my only excuse is that I was still not properly awake, so could hardly have been thinking clearly. After a supreme effort I sat up and knelt on my bed, cock in one hand, reaching out with my other arm to grasp my mug by it’s handle, bringing it towards me and then I dipped my three-quarters hard willy into the mug, plunging my bell end all the way to the bottom.

At that moment, in the time it took between breaking the surface of the liquid and reaching the bottom of the mug, I learnt the true definition of a millisecond: the time it took for my nerves to respond and react to that fact that it might not have been the best idea to blanch my dick in scalding hot liquid. I spasmed and screamed in pain and the reflexes caused me to spill it all over my, hands, the underside of my scrotum and my inner thighs as the mug crashed onto the floor and broke. I howled and sobbed in agonised torment as I tried touching and soothing my burnt pecker, which had become a furious throbbing shade of lobster-pink. My helmet stung phenomenally, red, swollen and angry as I swore and cursed between tearful sobs, aghast at my stupidity, but dimly aware that the sudden commotion had prompted my mother to rush up the stairs and open my door. I had just enough wit to cover my modesty with my quilt as she burst in, with me screaming at her to get out as I tried to grip the pain in my cock away with the other hand. She took the hint and retreated, not quite sure where to look.

‘What’s happened? What have you done’ she kept repeating from outside the door. I explained, between gritting my teeth and snarling with embarrassment and pain, that the mug had slipped from my hand and landed on my lap and I’d burnt my legs. Being concerned, she requested to have a look at the damage, to which I refused outright. Well, I was rather self-conscious back then. She muttered about me not being so silly and that she’d seen it all before (as mothers liken to say), etc, etc, but went to the bathroom and started digging in the medicine cabinet until she found some Sudocreme (or some such cream) and left it outside my door.

When she went, and the pain had reduced to a tender throb, I hobbled to the bathroom for a piss (mercifully pain-free) picked up the cream on the way back and as I sat on my bed, dabbed it cautiously onto the affected areas. It soothed the pain, certainly, (at least for a little while. My helmet started to flake later that day as I realised it was shedding the damaged top layer of membranous skin) and I briefly toyed with the idea of this ointment’s lubrication possibilities later on. Wisely, I didn’t, but the odd thing is that every time I smell that ‘hospital’ aroma of antiseptic cream, I don’t think of babies like most people do, I actually get a flashback of sitting there naked and cross legged on my bed, gritting my teeth as I warily smear Sudocreme all over my cock and bollocks.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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Great comment Scummy, if you had just lost sphincter control and shit yourself it would have made a great front page story.


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How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous's picture
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That's not good for your body cause of all that bacteria in poop. It can make you sick. I know school bathroom's aren't the best but you should go before or after school. It will also when you get older cause some bad effects.