Motherload's first Poodiatrician report! Congrats Motherload!

I'd go and have my blood tested to be sure I didn't have any weird imbalances causing my body to throw off some chemical that smells like cleaners (ammonia perhaps?). I like the idea of getting the body to use fat, though. I've got more than plenty of fat for two or three people.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Wow, I hope you keep this sort of consultancy up ML. Good technical advice matched with fine anti-stupid advice.

Roll on my first request for your admirable qualities in dealing with defecation complaints.

i think i remember seeing a show where a guy had a chemical imbalance that gave him whiskey breath. but yeah that last story and this first consultation, ML is awesome. anything that causes you to make unnatural smells, you know not regularly unnatural smells, but more along the lines of chemical, really requires medical consultation (no offense ml)

I have acute fecalemia in the Circle of Willis. Want to translate that one, Mother dear?

well, lets see. Fecal = poop, emia means "in the blood", and the Circle of Willis is a system of arteries that supply blood to the brain. This is a MEDICAL EMERGENCY! If not treated you could end up with a chronic case of "shit for brains".
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Always looking out for number two!

I love you, Mother--you are totally with it!!

mother all your stories are nice and well written good job

I love the Q&A's. Good job, ML.

I have this EXACT same problem. I first noticed it back in July. I thought it had to do with drinking wine, but I started drinking wine months before the problem emerged. It seemed to correlate with my wine drinking, but then my wife developed the problem, and she doesn't drink. Interesting thing: I developed this problem when my wife was in the hospital. I spent most of my time with her, but was home once a day for a few hours. She did not develop the problem at all until after she came home. It first, it was only detectable when she took a dump, but tonight, her ass and vagina small strongly of the same chemicals that my ass so frequently smells of.

And let me tell you, this is bad. Anyone standing within 5 feet of me can smell it when it's at its worst. Luckily, like the guy said, it does NOT smell like shit or a fart or anything but chemicals. No one would know it is me unless they sniffed my ass, and if they did, they'd REALLY know it was me because it is VERY VERY STRONG.

My wife was in the hospital with pregnancy complications and she was tested for diabetes several times. While we are both overweight, it seems very unlikely that we would develop diabetes, simultaneously.

We do not use a toilet bowl cleaner, so it can't be that - and also, that was a piss-poor answer because if you understood the vicious strength of this smell, you'd understand that it is coming from within. It is clearly not something we've picked up by contact.

I do have two theories. 1) We have a fireplace in our apartment that frequently emits a gas smell. I think we may be ingesting the fumes which are producing a chemcial reaction. 2) We live in Bay City, MI right next to a sugar beet farm. Although we can't smell the beets inside of our apartment, I'm wondering if it is somehow related.

Again, it seems to have something to do with our environment, since we just moved here in June, and my wife did not develop the problem while she was in the hospital.

Yeah Grahm. I would absolutly go see a doctor. If you don't have diabetes, (s)he may reffer you to a gastroetenologist. Either way, it sound like your dooper is giving you a warining that something is wrong.

Do you eat healthy? You may want to phase out processed foods from your diet.

Good luck finding a solution to your problem.
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Born to clog your bog, with a giant log.

CB, since my original answer can not be applied to you because you do not use toilet bowl cleaner and do not have diabetes, try this.

1. Get some toilet bowl cleaner and clean your damn toilet. If you never clean your toilet, chances are your asses are pretty dirty as well.

2. Do what I mentioned in the first answer--Go see a doctor. This is a poop HUMOR website. Not a free clinic.

3. Hire a chimney sweep to clean out your ass.

4. If none of the above works, just get really, really drunk. I hear that pickled beets are best.
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Always looking out for number two!

Chemical Butt get to the Doctors!!! hell I'd be heading to A&E if I had what you described.

News Flash: Today the EPA reported the initiation of a Superfund cleanup in Graham's ass. Insider sources commenting on the condition of anonimity states that this is directly related to Dumpster's "acute fecalemia in the Circle of Willis." More on tonight's news at 10.

Chemical Butt, you seem to be living in a VERY polluted area. Buy a water filter, change your AC/heating filters, and watch what you eat. Also, you might investigate any industrial areas in your vicinity and get the courage to ask around to see if others in your neighborhood have the same problem. There may be a chemical dump going on.

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I was a category five! Category five, I tell you! Get it right or I'll be back to PROVE IT!!!!- Katrina

MYSTERY SOLVED!

I was racking my brain over this problem for several days. FINALLY, I had an "ah-ha" moment. My hypothesis was that our new laptop was the culprit. The reason I had the problem more often than my wife is that I use the laptop more, and plus she normally uses a table while I put it right on my lap. We abstained from using the laptop for a few days and sure enough, the smell went away. Then I woke up in the middle of the night to find my wife not in bed. She couldn't sleep and she was sitting in the living room using the laptop. She forgot that we were abstaining. SURE ENOUGH, after using the laptop for 30 minutes, she had the smell.

I have NO DOUBT that Graham had the same problem as we did, so I hope he's reading this. My bet is he uses his laptop, directly on his lap. Furthermore, I would have to assume that it can't be EVERY laptop that does this, or it would be well known. We have one of the new HP models ("The PC is personal again"). The heat produces the smell that finds refuge in the murkiness of the ol' bunghole. The bad thing is that it is SO OVERPOWERING and it lasts for a long, long time.

You bastards really had me worried, like I needed to see a doctor or something. I searched WebMD, and there's nothing for "strange anal odor" or "chemical smell" and "rectum."

I have an HP Pavilion dv4165cl, and it doesn't make me smell, even using it directly on my bare lap. It had that "new electronics" smell that I love when I first got it, but that passed quicklym and never left me smelling. Then again, mine doesn't get hot--it has the Centrino deal so it stays cool. When idle, it produces a mere 6 watts of heat which is easily taken away by passive air movement.

Enough ranting. This is just to show that mine doesn't do that.

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

how on earth can a laptop cause your ass to smell of chemicals for days?

I think your kidding yourself with this diagnosis.

It made my ass smell for days because I used it again and again. But I can say that using it for 30 minutes causes the smell to last for several hours.

There is NO DOUBT about the diagnosis.

Perhaps the laptop is somehow defective. Perhaps there is interaction with some other element. But we have determined for absolute fact that using the laptop is the culprit.

Maybe it's not making your butt smell like chemicals, but just your general nether region-area. Laptops can sometimes emit a sort of ozone-like aroma, which would totally smell weird and could possibly linger for a while.

Another possibility is that you have a metabolic disorder of some sort. Some metabolic disorders cause you to not be able to break things down properly and you could be defecating weird compounds (acetaldehydes, ammonia, various sugars, etc.) that would smell very strange. I would probably go see a gastroenterologist who could do a more thorough exam on you.

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An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

Laptop? Doubt it. Terrorist more likely. Chemical Ali/Chemical Assie ... hmmm... coincidence? I think not. I smell a conspiracy. Or chemical ass. One or the other.

"It made my ass smell for days because I used it again and again."
Your ass or the laptop???

Okay, I stand corrected. It wasn't really the laptop after all. You have to understand why I thought it was: The problem originated for me while my wife was in the hospital. I was using the laptop in the hospital a lot. Then, months later (after posting here even) I hypothesized it was the laptop. A few days later my wife used it and she got the smell. Meanwhile, we knew we had a gas leak but it had been supposedly shut off.

Okay, well last night my wife developed the smell again without using the laptop. Our explanation was that the stench was infused in our furniture and she got it just from sitting on the couch. I also got a touch of the smell myself, but not as bad. Then this morning, we smelled gas again. We had smelled it a few times but I was convinced it was coming from the chair and the couch (where we had planted our stinky ass chemical tushes). This time, it was too strong to ignore, so we called the gas company AGAIN. Sure enough, they didn't properly fix the leak.

Okay, now I have NO DOUBT that it was the gas leak. After they shut off our fireplace the first time (supposedly fixing the leak) the gas smell more closely resembled our ass smell. It had to do with something in our crawlspace. However, the laptop still played a part. Heat intensified the smell in our asses. There are two problems: 1) Why did I develop the smell when I was spending most of my time in the hosital. And 2) Why didn't we develop the problem the two months we were here before we had the laptop?

Even in the face of these issues, there literally is no doubt that the gas leak was the ultimate source of the problem.... Okay, maybe I shouldn't say "NO" doubt.

Chemical Gas from your Ass, you should write a story.

This site beats WebMD. Wish I was in this thread when there was more momentum, but didn't have the problem till recently.

Anyway, my poop smells very strange, I will have to see the doctor and report back to you (my new heroes). I live near a very smelly part of town, and often my toilet and basement fill up with fumes. I never had it manifest in my bowels, though. I guess there's a first for everything.

Also, I have been drinking more "Airborne" lately in an effort not to get a cold. I'm on my way to the folks' house for Xmas vacation and didn't want be sick during vacation. Maybe a buildup of all that stuff in the Airborne (vitamins, echinacea (sp?), etc) is causing toxic waste - literally.

The smell is indescribably, that's for sure . Consistency is firmer than peanut butter but not log-like, either. In between. Brownish... kind of light...hard to describe...like a HINT of Indian Red in a crayon box. There's no blood though....

Oh- another couple of clues: I started wiping with "Wet Ones Antibacterial" (the pink kind) and _first_ noticed the smell then. I was using Wet Ones because for a short time, I was having trouble finishing pooping. Like there's just one...more.... little...bead...

But I eat a lot of sugar, too. Could be type II diabetes? (I am 37).

Like I mentioned, I *WILL* see the doctor and report back to this group.

OH AND ANOTHER THING six months ago (June '06) doc said I had an enlarged spleen but I never followed up on it because the results of my liver bloodwork came back normal and shortly beforehand I had a scare with abnormal cells on my cervix (HPV) and had to get a colposcopy (they had to cut off part of the cervix and get rid of the bad cells) and I got the news about the spleen shortly afterward which is why I didn't go to the doc because I was like "JESUS what else can go WRONG here" anyway now it is Dec '06 and it will be interesting to see what the doc says.

Oh and yes I use a laptop frequently.

Until I report back I will 1) NOT consume Airborne, 2) clean my toilet 3) try to get a plumber to install a "p" trap to eliminate sewer gasses in my house, 4) cut back on sugar 5) not use Wet Ones 6) keep the labtop off the lap and 7) go to the doctor.

Not in that order.

To Be Continued....

SAwi

I have a question. okay lately i have been having comments mad by my co-workers whenever they are around me of the smell of butt or ass, I know I have the problem but how do i fix it. And also my vagina is starting to smell that way too, I go back to the doctor on friday but the doctor won't believe me, How can I make them a believer and help me?
Thanks

WOW, ML's first. Very kool.
Producing waste since 1967

Stop mixing your cocktails with windex amd such.

I get real bad chemical-butt. Every couple of months, my farts and shit smell like sulfuric acid dumped over broccoli, for a couple days. It gets worse as I age...

I have just recently started having the "chemical" smelling poop problem. The smell to me is exactly the same as the chemical used in hair salons for perms. Only thing I can think of is I have started working out more and dieting. Also drinking alot of energy drinks (i.e. redbull, monster and sobe adrenalin). Has to be something ingested or absorbed through your environment as far as Im concerned. Going to the doctor soon will let you know what they say.

MOTHERLOAD...I LOVE YOU!!!...you know you shit...!!!!! And you are funny as hell..To the dude with HP LAPTOP ASS....we believe you...that must have been some gas leak,in your house and everything,and you lived to tell the tale.gas leaks usually kill people in just one night,you did it for months,your ass smell formed a protective barrier around you and your wife..you are better off with it. Now put it to a real test, go play in traffic, take your wife, you know (Double the power) loved your story though.