Hmmmmm
Maybe its not the best idea to tell someone that they should kill themselves when they ask you for advice. I think you meant to be symathetic, but talking about "eating a bullet" and the "bitter end" is maybe kind of discouraging.
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You can eat your poop!

La Rue, ask your doctor to refer you to a gastroenterologist. That's your best bet if you want to know all the treatment options available to you.
Good luck. :-)

I would think that when a doc diagnoses those problems, they would provide some information on how to care for the condition, or give you the referal to the gastro, especially if your doc knows you are diabetic. I'd fire his ass and get me a new doc.

Carolina Barking Spider, If you read my response correctly, you would know that I did not recommend that La Rue commit suicide. I simply stated that I found it to be remarkable that she had not; considering all the suffering she apparently endures on a daily basis.

Ulcerative colitis, diverticulitis, inability to eat, severe bloating, chronic pain, diabetes, lupus, fibromyalgia, gerd, disc problems and chest pain would be enough physical discomfort to cause most people to become incapacitated and unable to function normally unless heavily medicated.

The fact that this person is reading a poop humor website and has submitted a query like this one leads me to believe that they, unlike you, can appreciate a bit of "read-between-the-lines comedy".

The bitter end does not have to imply death. If you stick around for a while and continue to read Poop Report, you will come to understand that here, the bitter end is usually the one in which the vile substances that can be created by the types of afflictions that La Rue has are spewing out of. Believe me when I say that sometimes that alone is a fate far worse than death.

I am sure that the regulars here know that I would never suggest that anyone do anything to harm themselves.

That being said, I suggest to you that you go ahead and pull that stick out of your ass now and have a laugh or two.

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Always looking out for number two!

CBS, I know what ulcerative colitis can do to someone, my father had it.

Be ware if the doctor puts you on Prednizone. If he does, make sure that it is just temporary. Ask your doctor about Sulfa drugs (like Sulfasalizine).

If I were you, I would also seek advice from a dietician, and talk to him/her about a multi vitamin / mineral complex. Liquid supplements are more absorbable.

I hope that you get this debilitating disease under control. Good luck.
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A man who farts in church, sits in his own pew.

La Rue, I feel for you. I wish I was my mom right now. She has a natural remedy for everything from split ends to a broken heart. With so many ailments I'm sure you've visited quite a few doctors by now and you're probably disappointed with the medical community. Why else would you turn to Poopreport for help? I do agree with Healthy 1. You have to speak to a dietician. A proper diet is critical for your conditions. Good luck with all your tummy problems and thank you for putting things in perspective for me.

Oh yeah, prednizone is the worst. I had a horrible reaction to it the five days I took it. Nasty little drug. Potent stuff.

YOU GO MOTHERLOAD

Motherload is suggesting guerilla health care tactics. Excellent.

It sounds like La Rue had the same doctor I saw.
I told him I had a pain in my foot and he said, "You have toelio."
Then I told him I had soreness in my knee, and he said, "You probably have kneesles."
My wife wants me to go in for one more visit about another ache I have, but I know what he's going to say, "You have small cox."

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There's a certain air about me....

Step One: learn to write complete sentences with proper punctuation without them being run on sentences that are really hard to read because they are vague ambiguous because that makes everything really hard to understand do you understand what I am saying because unless you can read the perscription you might take the wrong number of pills and that could lead to well to the exact conditions that you are suffering thank you.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Please go to a doctor. And, maybe, after you've eaten a salad.

Dear La Rue, we aren't ambivalent nor rude, we've just seen too many emails about people who need medical help with poop. It's OK to visit a doctor about poop.

What we'd like to read is your response after you've seen a doctor.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

You need to stay away from the cheese and bacon bits at the salad bar.
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan
Join The Poop Reporter's Lounge

If I was gay, I think I might fall in love with Motherload.

*...pondering...*

Nope. Still straight. But you GO, sister!

No stick in my butt, Motherload, just poop. By your response, you seem really offended. I'm sorry that your bit of dark humor seemed a bit misplaced to me. No need for a diatribe, just say you meant it all in good fun and that you were sorry I missed out on the joke. It was merely my opinion that your reply was a bit grim. I'm had no doubt that what she has is very unpleasant. I guess basically humerously saying "Gee your life really does suck!" just hit me the wrong way.

P.S. I'll have to keep my eye out for "the bitter end" thing. I hadn't noticed that yet.

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Recycle! Reduce! Reuse!
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You can eat your poop!

Alternative response to La Rue's question in order to better appease CBS:

Dear La Rue,

Wow. What a trooper you are, indeed! I think that you should consider having gastric bypass surgery. The resulting weight loss could possibly reverse your diabetes.

You could also have a naso-gastric feeding tube inserted. This can be used to remove air and digestive juices from the stomach. That would probably greatly improve your GERD symptoms, and prevent you from swelling up like a whale when you eat.

Also, instead of eating, you could use the tube for feeding. A nutritional supplement could be used without having to endure the effects of actual food. You could enjoy the benefits of your protein drinks without ever having to taste the stuff.

As far as your bowel issues, well, just have them removed also, and get yourself equipped with a nice colostomy bag. You would never have to worry about any burning pain in your butt again! Oh, the joy. So many options available for you, dear.

CBS, I apologize to you for misplacing my dark humor on such an inappropriate website. But as far as my diatribe above is concerned, I believe that it is you that is the sorry one here.

And do keep that eye out for "the bitter end". Maybe someday there will be something that turns your brown eye blue.

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Always looking out for number two!

Can I legally adopt Motherload?

Fine Motherload,
Your right. I'm worng. There was absolutly nothing conceivably wrong with your post and anyone who has any other opinion is just a moron. Your lengthy rants directed at me have convinced me of your warm and caring nature. . .
Actually that's the sort of response I'd give if I was actually trying to be mindlessly critical of your post or just trolling to get a rise out of you. I am sorry for the way I phrased my first post. I tried to clarify with the second but I guess that just made you madder. I had already read some of your other posts which I thought seemed very sensitive to the people asking for your help. I guess talking about suicide (even jokingly) to someone who seems to be in a lot of distress just kind of bothers me. I know you weren't suggesting that anyone should hurt themselves. I was just trying to express my opinion (apparently poorly) and not be super critical of your post. I'm not an angry crank and don't need "appeasing" (yes I know that was a sarcastic response too). So I eagerly await to see how you take offence at this post and what sort of vitriolic rhetoric you will direct my way.

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Recycle! Reduce! Reuse!
You can close the loop!
You can eat your poop!

Mad? MAD?!! You think that your comments made me mad, Spiderman? I really appreciated having the opportunity to butt heads with someone that actually had the audacity to question my unbelievably sound advice, instead of taking everything I say as the medical gospel.

Opinions and assholes; everybody has one. Excuse me for confusing the two in association with you.

P.S. I noticed in one of your comments somewhere that you said you seem to have lots of gaseous emissions regardless of your diet. Someone as full of hot air as you are has to pop off some pressure somehow. I don’t see much help for you there. But don’t go getting suicidal over it or anything. I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if I thought that I somehow managed to discourage you in any way.

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Always looking out for number two!

You're not mad? You sound kinda mad. You've been using words that make you seem mad. Am I misreading your replies? Am I missing something here? Is this just a persona you effect when you are writing replies? You are a wacky trickster, Motherload, making me think that you are all indignant with your long strongly worded replies. I actually felt bad that I might have offended you. How gullible am I? I guess I'll go put on the dunce hat now. Thanks for the big joke on me. You can all laugh derisively now. ;-)

"Mad? MAD?!! You think that your comments made me mad, Spiderman?" said the shouting Motherload

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Recycle! Reduce! Reuse!
You can close the loop!
You can eat your poop!

Aw, Momma wasn't trying to hurt the little spider's feelings. I was just pulling your legs a little bit. All in good fun. You can quit sulking now. I will leave you alone. I thought maybe you could take a little heat since you were so quick to call me on my heartless response to La Rue. I guess it was me that was mistaken. Game over, dude.

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Always looking out for number two!

It wan't my fellings so much as my logic circuits. I couldn't figure out what I had that should provoke such a response. I thought I was pointing out a small bit in an otherwise helpful response that bothered me. Now about that semi-cronic gas of mine, I know you're the expert and all, but your hot air theory just doesn't seem scientific enough for me.

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Recycle! Reduce! Reuse!
You can close the loop!
You can eat your poop!

Oh, and have you heard back from La Rue. How is she doing?

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Recycle! Reduce! Reuse!
You can close the loop!
You can eat your poop!

I think the chatbox would be a much more appropriate place to continue this.
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Always looking out for number two!

What you said to La Rue, Motherload, was sarcastic, mean and not what she needed to hear, trust me. I agree with Barking Spider.

Go to a gastroenterologist ASAP and ask for a CT scan of the abdomen. This will rule out ulcerative colitis or diverticulitis. If you have diverticulitis, take antibiotics for 10 days as prescribed. Good Luck!