If these symptoms persist after eliminating all dairy from your diet, you might want to visit a gastroenterologist.

These might also be the first symptoms of IBD (Inflamatory Bowel Disease).
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A man who farts in church, sits in his own pew.

I once adopted a vegan diet which lasted for about 4 years. I have since come back to my senses, however as a result of not ingesting any lactose for so long, I became what my doctor called self induced lactose intolerance.

My body doesn't have a natural negative reaction when it comes to dairy, however when the bacteria that break down these enzymes in your body don't have a food source, they eventually die off.

So to confirm your doctor's synopsis of your "condition" I have to say the temporary lactose intolerance I experienced was very similar to your experience. I was gassy before having to pinch one, and the ejections were so violent and solid that they sometimes caused bleeding just inside the anus (from sheer size, and tearing the anal lining) which caused some spots in my dook's and on occaision discolored the water!

My advice is lay off the cheese and your morning cereal. Try plain oatmeal with a teaspoon of honey instead, it goes down easy and comes out even easier!

As for your poop being covered in snot, good luck buddy!

All the symptoms you described are indeed associated with Lactose Intolerance. I developed the symptoms around that time also. I was 16 when I started noticing that a glass of milk would have a terrible effect in my stomach. It was almost instant bloating and diarrhea. It's a shame really because soooo many things have dairy in them. Bowl of cereal in the morning, forget it. Nachos at the ball park, nope. Cheesecake for dessert, dream on. Yogurt smoothie, HA!

Nothing worse than a snotty crap! When that happens I take immodium. It tastes better than Pepto doesnt turn your poo black annnnnd you rip THE MOST AMAZING farts ever because you cant crap your pants.

The only time I have snotty poop is when I have a cold coming on. But if I eat lots of food with Habanero peppers, I don't get any more snotty poop.
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Watch out for the deadly F4, though he's been gone since '53, he will be back.

Lactose intolerance runs in my family, and I had it bad when I was a kid, so I stopped eating dairy altogether. After going a few months without dairy (well, I drank Lactaid milk), I built up a tolerance to dairy. It started with just a little regular milk on my cereal every morning for several weeks. Then I added in one more serving a dairy a day every few weeks. I'm a vegetarian now, and tons of milk and yogurt are in my diet for protein, and I only get sick if I spend the day solely eating dairy like ice cream, yogurt, and cheese (a rare event).

Building a tolerance doesn't work for everyone. But I used to get really sick after 1 scoop of ice cream or a little glass of milk, and that's gone now.

I highly recommend it. There's nothing to lose in trying it (other than potentially smelly bathrooms after hardcore diarrhea).

You just need to stop eating your boogers.
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan
Join The Poop Reporter's Lounge

I had the same problem once and it happened in a public swimming pool.

If a doctor says your lactose intolerant, it usually means your lactose intolerant.

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Some are born crappy, some achieve crappiness, and some have crapiness thrusted upon them. (Do NOT be last one)

Obvious answers to questions. Say, I have one:

Every 4th time I poop, my turds come out square. It's quite painful and my hole slams shut. Can't find a local doctor to help me.

UGH!

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Poop Shooter!

Nonconforming Asshole. A condition which simply requires a minor attitude adjustment. Doctors can't really help much in this case. The asshole just really has to want to change.
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Always looking out for number two!

Hi there please can you give me some advise on my problem.

I'm a 29 yr old male and a piles suffer for about 10 years now. Generally i dont have bleeding issues after passing stools but recently ive had a lot of bright red blood dripping while passing the stools. The blood stops when i stop straining and the piles shrink back inside. The bleeding stops when im on a strict diet and starts again if i stray from it.I did notice some dark red slime around the sides of the area, is this normal for piles? Will the bleeding stop by itself? Should i be worried? im really worried and afraid to see my doctor.

IBD, diverticulitis, dietary problems, even just simple stress - could be any one of a number of things. Changing your diet sounds like a good idea. I'm glad you've seen a doctor, but it sounds like you didn't get much benefit from the doctor or his work. Maybe try another doctor, or a gastro-enterologist. Doctors are service providers, just like auto mechanics, and some are simply better than others. I severed my relationship with the GE who diagnosed my problem 2 years ago, but not because I felt he was incompetent: we just didn't "connect" on a personal level. That feeling of connection is very important (to me) especially with a doctor .

Stop taking Pepto!!! It causes constipation and discoloration of feces.

Sounds more like Crohns Disease, ulcerative colitis or diverticular disease - I'd be getting a refferal to a colorectal surgeon and get yourself a colonoscopy. If you have red spots then it probably is just haemorriods - that said, frank blood can be seen in your stools when you have rectal bleeding, or are bleeding into your sigmoid or decending colon - transverse and behind you'd usually get the black, tarry stools that STINK to all hell. I'd be seeing a specialist however..

You might also rule out gallbladder problems. Yes, it seems odd, but I had some of the shitty symptoms you described before mine was removed. It was amazing what sort of weird shit came out of my ass, including snotty shit, white shit, grayish-yellow shit, black shit, shit with hunks of food in it, green shit, soft-serve million-wiper shit... Ugh! At least now it has settled for mostly the same sort: liquishit!

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Well, you don't actually blow on it. That's just an expression.