my breath stinks and i love it

Wow. What else can I say?

Dear PooNurse

My office is right next to the restroom where other employees poop daily. The smell is not pleasant. Commercial air fresheners smell awful and taste even worse when sprayed in the air and I am unable to burn incense in the office. Any suggestions what might make the after poop stench tolerable to my sensitive nose and stay off my taste buds?

Croissant

I think you're pretty much stuck with this as long as you're working in that spot. You must be low in the pecking order to be placed where you are. So the thing to do is to work hard and get advanced as quickly as possible. Then instead of you smelling other people's shit, they will be smelling yours. And that is quite tolerable.

Dear Croissant,
If you have a problem smelling other peoples farts and shit, maybe you should look at the good side. Since you can't move, you can fart all you want and blame it on the employees restroom. I enjoy a good fart now and then. I particularly like going to the grocery store and walk down one of the roles when no one is there. I fart as loud as I can hoping that people in the other isles hear it. Sounds crazy, but it's fun

My coworkers complain behind my back that my body odor is atrocious and my breath would make a freight train take a dirt road.I just dont care and I rarely bathe and dont own a toothbrush and yes I am slowly losing my teeth.Im wondering why I dont care and why management wont address me if it such a problem or is it like I think that they are always wrong anyway!

"Atrocious" can be a relative term. Some people think that garlic breath is atrocious. Personally, I love a woman that reeks of garlic. It's possible that this person has some sort of unhealthy aspect to them. However, it may just be a matter of chemistry. Smell can be a very good indicator of natural attraction. Some people just are not meant to be together. Check out these articles.

Body Odor, Gender, and Sexual Orientation

Finding the Perfect Mate: Male Pheromones and Female Attraction

The Smell of Love
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Prince of Poop

Charcaol is a great substance for this. As for the flora, eat lots of yougurt or get some acidophilous culture from you local health food store.
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"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

i had a gull bladder operation a few years ago now my breath is really bad any thing for help would be great i stop going out and doing things i use to enjoy because of it can anyone help me with this god awfull smell like my ex husband said i smelt like an outhouse

(*Sobs*) How many gulls had to give their lives? (*Sniffle*)

I like the idea of farting massively in the grocery store and hoping it shocks those that hear it on the next aisle.I have done this many times and have to run as I stifle my laugh when I hear the gasps and outrage. The manager of one store asked me not to come back after a particularly vicious and loud fart by the meat department. In another store I did not get the last laugh as I sharted badly and had to retire to the restroom to toss my undies. I just bought a condo in a high dollar neighborhood and I am planning on having fun with the neighbors!

Hey Feto,
You and I should get together.I love farting and especially doing it in public places.I was in a record store and let a massive gasser out and I thought I had killed this old lady that was on the other side ofthe aisle.She really fell down and said she couldn't breathe.Classic on my part.I too have accidently shit my pants...I was in a movie theatre and was having a jolly time farting silently.Finally as the movie was ending I decided to stand up a let a WMD out.That's where I made my mistake...I really shit my pants.Bad enough the my pants were soiled and I had to walk home.The stench even about gagged myself. Later Feto..you stinking maggot.

I have this brother that smells real bad. He's constanly farting. And to make things worst he's always telling us when he farts. He says things like "Silent But Deadly" and "Oh, I just farted" also "Ahhh....that felt good". It's disgusting. I can't stand him. He makes me feel sick. Then he stinks really bad. No way of getting rid of it. He always laughs after farting as well. Please help me. I need it.

~Fed-up sister~

Mention it in front of girls he likes. Or his group of friends. You might get punched, but it will most likely become less of an activity.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I love itching my arse, specially at night! I thought I had worms to start with, but realise I just like having a scratch. In the morning my fingers smell real bad and my nails are brown, especialy when I have a real jammy passage. I can smell it all day and when I bite my nails, sometimes get a globual under my tongue. Mmmmmm

Hamter, I wonder if Jammy Arse is a fellow Englishman? I like to let them rip and my roommate gets grossed out by it. Which makes me laugh and this will keep the farts going. I am working on getting her to a shameless state. She will leave the bathroom door open to poop but acts like she never farts. Then there are rare occasions when she'll tell me about a fart she had. So I guess there is some progress.
Producing waste since 1967

MSS - clear progress I'd say! Potential member maybe!? But I'm not sure why you think JA is an Englishman too - I'm very keen on my personal hygene!!!

I like to fart in the Elevator, and I have really gassy stinking farts. Everytime I fart it sounds like a small explosion. I love watching people come in the elevator after I farted and then give me dirty looks when they see me again.

I to was afforded the opportunity to explode with rotten gas that could peel the paint on the walls in an elevator.One time I was riding the elevator in my condo up to my penthouse and I cut one that was so hot it felt like someone stuck a knife in my ass.It smelled horrid.I exited the elevator as an elderly lady was getting in I walked briskly away as I heard her gag and wretch as the elevator doors closed.

Hamster, Americans usually do not use the term arse....I have seen Brts use it. Had nothing to do with the fact he is a nasty rotter.
Producing waste since 1967

MSS - I'm very glad you have clarified that!!! I leapt to the conclusion that you associated Englishmen with JA's disgusting absence of personal hygene. I apolgise!!

farting,shitting..it's all good.You folks love doing the same things,that's why you are here.

Feto D.,My man,you need serious help.There is no way that you are married or probably employed,as you must be one foul dude.

Well Mr. Gas it just so happens that I do have a job.Albeit a rather fitting one.I work at a sewage treatment facility and can easily blame any fetid odorous expulsions on the job site.And your right I am not married but I was once.My ex said my stench sent her packing and she fled from me.I did approach cooking goddess Rachel Ray in the lobby of the Biltmore but was tackled by one of her body guards who promptly vomited on me when I wanted to propose to her.

Uh Feto,I think you really work for a government agency...and I doubt the Rachale Ray deal,she has a nose for bad stuff and I don't think she'd let you near her,much less any bodyguards.I think you really meant Martha Ray instead.And no wonder your ex left you,from what I read,you must make frumunda cheese on a regular basis.

Of course I can't say much,althogh I do like to spread gas,I do it nicely and dignifiedLike the time I ate sauerkraut then went to a wake at a funeral home.I let one rip next to the dearly departed,and I thought they had come back to life!! The other patrons thought it was the deceased!!

I have never been dignified and with that said love Rachel Ray not the haggard Martha Ray.I fell for Rachel one day while watching the food channel and I saw her making a dish with Feta cheese.I was asked to leave a funeral one time for gagging the living and sickening the funeral director and his young son.Most people are also not aware that the Geico cavemen were modeled after me.I hear some women out by the pool at my condo so I must go and put on my speedo and go poolside and see if I can impress and snag one for a night of Limburger love!

maybe what poonurse said should be done to the new guy and see if it gets better other wise i'd dump his stinky ass and mouth
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i have met many people that talk like asses but i have not met many asses that talk like people

I think this Feto guy needs serious help,and the other two posters are obviously imposters.There is no way a guy like Feto could keep a job or a wife in his condition,unless he is making all this up.If he is true(Feto) man he's is in a world of shit.(pardon the pun!!)

What the hell kind of name is "Feto"?? Is that in a book of baby names?? I've never heard of it.Well I did Google it and it seems as our distingusished Feto also drinks Polish beer.

Well "Feto" good luck with your smelly habits.

I am proud of my name and I do not know where it came from but it is me.I had an unexpected accident at work.I had eaten a large quantity of Taquitos and apparently working out in all this hot weather the mix took a turn for the worse.I felt a massive fart building and carefully looked around to see that my coworkers were not close enough to hear should it be loud.I decided to fire up my impact gun to cover any possible noise.I then let it fly and to my horror I sharted badly.I eased off to the bathroom and it took an entire bag of grease rags to clean up.Oddly I smelled the same as before.Management is always wrong and your just jealous!

FDW wrote: "...I had eaten a large quantity of Taquitos ..."

The slug line below says it all.

As for Bunghole Sisters, I suggest that you weld both holes closed on the boy. That should stop any gas from escaping.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Taquitos?? Hopefully they were the real ones,not that shit from a "Old El Paso" bag sitting in a Wal Mart freezer.Can't comment on the smell part,other than we have a dude at work who is a super foul human.You can tell when he comes to work,the air gets permeated with his funk.I've always said this dude was a strong man,but in that wretched kind of way.Bad thing it flows thru the A/C system and really gets things going.I'm glad as hell when this guy takes a vacation.

Also it seems this Feto guy is for real.He's on several blogs and websites,and they all have to do with stinky stuff,and foul body odor.

I think Feto is an acronym for "FETID".And he is for real.Google or Yahoo his name.

No I prefer to assault the nasal senses of the meek and blast the enamel off of toilets that are not industrial commercial in variety.I love eating mass quantities of boiled crawfish because it makes you shit really big.I am proud of being known for my excessive odor and I love making my coworkers reel from my unwashed and poorly wiped stench.

Sooo... I have a problem my friends are always complaining that i smell really bad... and it is because i have really smelly farts. I can't help it..the fart just slips out and smells like rotten sausages. Have you ever heard of the silent killer thats me!! They are totally SBDs!!! I was wondering if anyone could help me with this problem anything would help...diets..miracle non-fart pills...OR something to make my farts smell like lavender so i don't hasve to wear perfumm!!! Thanks that would really help!!
Elaine (The silent Killer)

Elaine, you should embrace your farts and welcome them as a sign to the world that you are a force to be reckoned with. Should a naysaying friend open her mouth to complain, you can silence her immediately with one of the stealth, ninja assassin farts at your command.

You have the power. Use it wisely.

Elaine - farts smell - that's a fact of life. And the longer since you shit, the worse they smell! If I'm in a room with others, I go out to fart, to the toilet if necessary, or outside. I don't think there's much diet can do to help matters. I know my diet is probably better than its ever been, but I do some real SBDs when I haven't shit for 36 hours and more.

I am so excited about finding this web page because you people have entertained me for the past hour. Keep posting your stories. They Rule!!!!! And, i hope by talking with each other and sharing your fart stories you will be able to help each other, or learn new stinky tricks. My hats off to the butt masters!!!

I sometimes don't crap for 4 or 5 days and when I finally go it is so massive and condominium clearing I am surprised I haven't been arrested.I have to keep a sturdy medium sized tree limb in my bathroom to break up the monstrosity so I can flush it away in hunks.And it is a truism that when you don't crap for days the power of your farts multiplies to a Hiroshima flattening degree.I have a supervisor at work (not mine) and I want to go 5 days without turning loose my landfill sized load and feel a truly massive fart coming on and lock myself in the room with this supervisor and turn all the fury I have in my bowels loose on him.I know the sound I will here as he hits the floor.Hmmmmmpf.

I had to approve this comment because of the imagery of someone having a tree branch in their bathroom. Imagine explaining it to visitors.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I have the WORST gas EVER!! It shocks me sometimes that a smell like that is coming from my own ass! I grew up w/ 2 brothers & just always thought "guys" were the ones w/ the toxic farts! That was until I had kids. It seems that since I gave birth to 2 kids years ago, something changed inside of me? Possibly my body chemistry? My enzymes must be ALL outa whack!
Anyway,...I think my farts are pretty damn funny though & often used as a weapon. One time,..while my kids were fighting in the car driving in bumper 2 bumper trafic (they are both young teens)...I decided to end the argument on my own, by letting a huge bomb free inside the car. I locked the windows so they couldn't be rolled down. My son thought it was pretty funny, but my daughter broke out in tears. She cryed because it was so bad, & the torture was unbearable. I still tear up myself remembering that moment. But mine are tears of joy!...now when they fight in the car, I just threaten to drop the bomb. That usually works. But sometimes I still do it just for fun....

It will be even funnier when they tell people in public how bad their dad smells. Maybe in church or at your next company picnic you'll get to hear your kids tell everyone how badly you stink. My friend, this stuff has a way of coming back on you.

Incidentally, if they fight in the car, just have one sit in the front seat and one sit in the back. It always works for us.
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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

My coworkers are now mocking me.I admit I smoke horribly stinky cigars and they are terribly fetid.I suffer from anal leakage and I badly brown my undies.My wife fled and divorced me because I would not bathe nor brush my teeth which are now stumps.I stink badly and management is always wrong.

Wow Feto,you really have some problems...what do you do for a living??I can only guess you have to sit down at some time,what about the anal leakage??Do you use the company shitter??I'd like to help,but need more info.I am a proctologist.

I have come to find myself eating a lot of Pringles cooked in Olestra.My ass leaks and I only know it when I check my undies.I suffer from depression and I savage my coworkers to satisfy my inadequate abilities.I stink in a ghastly manner and I do not care.You are all just jealous!

A shit taste in your mouth and to your breath can usually indicate acid reflux.

I think Feto should talk to the "Mom of the Sub-Shitting Son" - they can trade tree branch stories.

If you have really, really bad breath - so bad it even kicks back on your own self - use a Q-tip or some other tool to check the flaps, grooves, and crevices of your tonsils. Could be that white, smelly, bacteria-laden crap is all stuck up in there causing that ferocious breath. They are called tonsilloliths, or "tonsil stones". They are not really stones at all, but stuck food particles that have festered in there and formed a cheesy, disgusting-smelling ball of bacteria. Google "tonsil stones" and see what the smelly little bastards look like.

Better still Di V. I would love to see Feto's story on Dr. Phil.

As for the anal leakage, 86 the Olestra, and see a doctor.

Fetid breath can be far more serious than a cosmetic issue. It can indicate serious dental or digestive health problems. Take good care of your body, and it will take good care of you.

My breath is bad because I don't own a toothbrush.Many of my teeth have fallen from my head and others a rotted stumps.I have a gap on the upper left I use to stuff and hold taquitos while I am eating supper and it also makes a good cigar holder.Yes I smoke cigars and they smell bad as well.My coworkers stand back when I talk and they avoid me.I will die this way and your just jealous.

Uh Feto,you do have a toothbrush and you told me (via e-mail) that you do use it,although time and cigars have taken their toll on your tooth decay problem.Part of your problem is diet,some is also a mental problem I think you have.The rest is your bodily functions.To be honest,I'm all for you to see and be heard on the Dr. Phil show.I think you can help your self and many others.Good luck Feto!!

I would like to see Feto,or at least a picture of him.This guy has to be simply amazing.Probably Horrid,Ghastly,Foul,but amazing none the less. Go Feto!!

I keep seeing taquitos mentioned in Feto's responses.Hay Feto,is this a staple of your diet?? And the cigars,what kind do you smoke??Are you using a humidore or how do you store them and or prepare them before lighting one up..Any health problems..major,like heart,lung or stomach,kidney disease?? We need more information and not some of your somewhat comical stuff,although I sense that you use humor to help shed some of your pain,which is Ok.I'm not sure about why you mention management unless you have a manager at your job(assuming you do have one despite your foulness)that really is on you. Help us to help YOU Mr.Feto.

Well I do love taquitos and have since childhood.I like the foul large brown turd appearing Jamaican cigars.I love to lick and glaze them up good with my bacteria laden saliva before lighting one up.My coworkers howl and gag when I set one to smoking.Especially my esteemed coworker Mr C.F. he complains bitterly.I have had some heart problems but that has nothing to do with my outlook on life.Yes I do have a manager that cannot stand me in many ways,He allows an underling supervisor to indirectly savage me in the most vicious way.I also have coworkers that rush home to enjoy the festivities while I find little festive in my life.Management is always wrong and your just jealous!

go feto, feto rules

i almost crap my pants i laughed so much

Feto, my brain is old and un-exercized, but I swear your character could come from a novel called "A Confederacy of Dunces". Here it is:

Ignatius J. Reilly

Ignatius is something of a modern Don Quixote — eccentric, idealistic, and creative, sometimes to the point of delusion.

He disdains modernity, particularly pop culture. The disdain becomes his obsession: he goes to movies in order to mock their perversity and express his outrage with the contemporary world's lack of "theology and geometry." He prefers the scholastic philosophy of the Middle Ages, especially that of Boethius. However he is also seen as enjoying many modern comforts and conveniences, and is given to claiming that the rednecks of rural Louisiana hate all modern technology which they associate with progress.

Ignatius operates under the mindset that he does not belong in the world and that his numerous failings are the work of some higher power. He continually refers to the goddess Fortuna as having spun him downwards on her wheel of luck. Ignatius is a glutton and becomes sexually aroused by thoughts of his deceased dog and when he is lifted into the air by four black factory workers. His mockery of obscene images is portrayed as a defensive posture to hide their titillating effect on him. In addition, he exhibits bizarre aversions, for example to Greyhound Scenicruiser buses, the bi-level coaches the company used at the time for its longer routes. He speaks of the horror he feels even just knowing that they are hurtling about in the night.

John Kennedy Toole is/was the author, easily one of th strangest, funniest books I have ever read in my life.

Feto, I was crying...seriously, alone in my office here, tears were streaming down my face. i was choke-laughing and even hee-hawing. You are freaking hilarious!

I actually came to this site because i have really stinky farts and seriously, it is driving my husband away. i'm 29 and female, and i am sure i could impress any of the guys here with how rancid my farts smell. especially at night when i lay on my left side in bed. they are rank. and i can't stop them. they always feel hot and dangerous. he tells me to air the covers out everytime i do it, but it just makes the smell worse. i'm going to try to go off dairy products and see if that works...but somehow, reading all this hilarity...will i miss my farting? it makes me laugh!!

Hi, my name is Shari and I love to FART. I have blown so many big FARTS that I have actually ripped a hole in my Granny panties and turned them into a THONG. God, I will toss my legs over my head and blast a fart right into my face and sniff away. My ass is saggy, but my FARTS rule.

Come join me and lets blow GAS together...

Come take a smell of this FART blowing ASS. I'm kinda cute, but my ASS RULES.

My schtick was old and boring, so I took a shower, brushed my teeth, and got a haircut. I used to say managment was always wrong, but thanks to my newfound hygiene I have been promoted to a managerial position.

You're still just jealous!

Dayum Feto.I will admit I have been forced to work around those of odorous repute but I doubt I ever have worked around anyone with the foul habits and hygiene you proclaim.Have you been to a proctologist?How about a good dental hygienest or a dentist?Is your washing machine broken?I am sure there are laundromats where you live or have you been banned from them?I say see a counselor and the sooner the better.Management wrong?Jealous?NOT!

Haha, you fail at reading comprehension!

I think Feto's pulling our collective legs....All the sudden he supposedly "cleans up" and he's promoted??After the fact he has a supervisor that hates him?? I don't think so homeys.I think Feto's trying to hide the fact that he is still a walking bunghole,and he always will be.Feto come out and tell the truth,otherwise you have no time to be here.We never knew where you lived Feto...where is that?? Reason I ask is there is some strange things going on down south(as usual) and just wondered if you live in the south.

my farts smell really bad but when i am alone i love to take a nice big sniff of that egg goodness. man..i think its funny to fart in the car and see the reactions when other people sniff it!!!! its awesome!!!!

I kissed a guy with the most foul tasting shit stinking mouth and now i have contracted it?? i thought there was no way u could contract anything via kissing?? but looks like u obviously can! I am now chewing gum 24/7 and trying to find out what the fuck this is that i have now got....

AC above - the foul stinking mouth was probably caused by some bacterial infection, so it is possible you could have caught it. The gum will only mask the problem. If it doesn't clear quickly, it might mean a trip to the doc.

I recently had this problem, anytime a person has breath like that is most likely a medical problem. Mine were caused by my tonsils, so I had them removed. They were cryptic and collected bacteria and food, thus the sulfur/fart smell. This can also be caused by bowel obstruction. There are a few other medical reasons for this as well, but I can't remember them all.

everyone said my breath was horrible but now i use some mouthwash stuff they dont say anything anymore :D

I'm 35, female. I have been on medication since December. Ever since then I have had horrible smelly gas. I know it's horrible because I can stink my father out of a room and he takes pride in his gas, typical man. Anyway, I am on lamictal, ranitidine, zoloft, serequel, straterra, and lorazepam. Can you tell me if any of these medications cause stinky air. My diet hasn't really changed any, but I'm very worried I might pass a blast when in public and they are not quiet... not one bit, they are extremly loud and horribly smelly. Any suggestions?

come fart with me

I just LOVE the smell of my own farts. When I have a real stinky one brewing down in my gut I try to get into a small space so I can let it rip and concentrate the smell. I cup my hand and fart into it and wave it towards my nose. If you want a receipe for a real good coma inducing fart eat some pickled eggs, baked beans (the more spicey, the better), some raw veggies, an apple and wash it all down with a big tall glass of milk.

This combination produces some of the worst sewer gas that could ever come up of my ass. When it seaps out your asshole feels all hot and warm and you'll fart all day. Infact, I once farted in my car and after enjoying it for a few moments, got out and a few hours later when I returned the fart smell was still lingering. I RELISH MY FARTS.

my friend always farts nd they really smell . i just want ta know wat is the best way to get ride of the smell

Shoot the fucker, wrap him in plastic, and bury him out in the desert, in a very deep hole.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.