what causes giant logs?

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Kayla asks:

We seem to have a lil problem in the dorm bathroom. There have been two occurences of abnormally large sized feces. We're talking HUGE!!! (we estimated 3 inches in diameter and 6 inches in length.) Seriously, who's sphincter is capable of this? What is the cause of such huge poop? I have to mention that i live in an all girls dorm so only girls use this bathroom. Can you shed any light on this matter? We are becoming very concerned for the health of this anonymous shitter. PLEASE HELP US!





Dear Kayla,

I find your question very intriguing. Normally, women don't produce such turds, so I have a couple of theories. (Of course there are exceptions, so don't everyone flame me. Just that USUALLY, we don't poop like that).

The first thing that comes to mind, is that one of the girls is sneaking a dude in the dorm for purposes of illict whatever.

The next thing that comes to mind, if you deem possibilty #1 impossible, is that one of the girls is actually a dude. Could happen. I just got done reading a book about this college professor (a dude) who had a sex change operation, and became a fairly normal looking girl. But I bet his BM's were still huge. No amount of surgery can change that.

If you don't think either of my theories is likely, you have to assume that these 2 instances were just the results of temporary dietary indulgences. What is more important, is planning what to do if you come across this rogue poo again.

I personally would photograph it, and post it in a prominent place in the bathroom with an embarrasing note about how big college girls flush their poo-poo, now that Mommy is not here to flush it for them.

That's what I would do. Good luck, and write again!

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?












244 Comments on "what causes giant logs?"

brandi's picture

Poonurse, I've always heard that a girls' intestines, bowels and rectum actually have the capacity to produce bigger --specifically, WIDER-- turds than males. That's not a true assumption? Yes, we all assume that males do bigger dumps because of their physical body size and usually eating more than females but I've heard that in reality that girls have the capacity of "making" wider turds. NO?

---brandi

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Well, I'm a girl and I've had giant shits since I was nine years old. Except when I take this one medicine that gives me poo that breaks into little pellets.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

brandi's picture

me too! As long as I can remember, I've been able to produce huge turds. I've always been able to "outshit" any males i've known or been close to. Not only in quantity but more importantly, in diameter and length. When I've produced these mamoth turds, it's usually after not having a bm for two or three days. I've always had a high rate of metabolism so I eat a lot and never gain weight. Eating a lot and not having a bm for three days or so is a sure fire way for me to make a humongous log. The males whom I've had the opportunity to see their poop, usually were "everyday" shitters. I suppose that a male could "outshit" under the right conditions but as far as size goes, I still think we women have the physical capacity to do the larger turds.

Wasn't it on this site where a janitor once related that almost every toilet he's unclogged because of a large turd being stuck in the trap was in a ladies room and very rarely in the men's bathroom?

So Shit Volcano, how big in size have your turds reached? *laughs* ...I never thought I would ask another female that question. It's usually the guys I hang with that are interested in comparing turd size. It seems that most of my girlfriends really don't want to get into that kind of stuff. I have fun with the guys talking about turd size. I guess it's because I know I can out-poop 'em.

--brandi

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I've never really measured them. I'd estimate some of those suckers have to be 4 inches across!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

brandi's picture

TSV--

No way!! Just by looking around and measuring the things around me, I have to figure that the biggest a human turd could be is about 2 and 1/2 inches in diameter. A can of corn isn't even 3" across, and somthing that wide is difficult to imagine coming out of a human butt hole

right now, I'm lookin at a candle that I have on a table across the room. I went over and measured it and it is just a bit over 2 and 1/2 inches across and about a 9" long. i'm thinking that there's no way a human turd could be that big. Now if I picture in my mind what something 4" across would look like, I'm imagining one of those small coffee tins ...nah! no way can anybody do a shit that big!

Can ya post a picuture of one of your whoppers?

--brandi

Slim Jim Junkie's picture

When I wondered what a 4 inch turd was like, I looked at some pipes in an electrical supply store.
Only the Goatse Guy could shit one of them out.

Marvello's picture

When I was a young boy I saw a shit unhumanly wide in a toilet at my best friend's house. Through riotous investigation it was determind to be my friend's YOUNGER brother who pinched this french loaf! I still don't understand how he did it?

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Okay, so four inches is pretty rare, but it has happened. I was nine when I passed that massive log and it kept me home from school for three days. That, and it was striped red like a poop candy cane. I get chills just thinking about that monster.

Modern poops are big enough not to fit down the toilet hole. One sucker jammed in it for a week or so. (Just read "Waiting to Excrete" for details.)

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

BrickShit's picture

OMG, in basic training during warrior week we ate Meals Ready To Eat for 3 meals a day for one week. we are talking 9000 calories a day with food so thick you had to drink 2 liters of water to swollow it all, and when we got back to the dorms my buddy was having stomace problems. So he took a shit it was so hard he was nearly crying to force this shit out, when he was done he called the dorm to check it out it was the length of the bowl and the thick ness of a baseball bat. we couldent flush it down, even with a powerful toilet, Crane i believe. We had to use a shampoo bottle to break it to pieces before the TI (Drill Seargent came up and saw the cloged toilet. Then a chunk got stuck in the hole. We tried flushing it untill the bowl filled up and the water pressure from the watter above forced it down. He was marching funny for the rest of that day!

JBL's picture

My poo is usually 8 inches long and maybe 3 inches wide! Im serious!

Turdy Dude's picture

My sister was constipated once and had a HUGE TURD! It was bigger than any tird ive ever produced and im a guy. It must have been 5 inches wide and 8 inches long. It wouldnt go down the toilet so we had to throw it out in a bag. The bag weighed about 3 pounds. IT MUST HAVE HURT!!!

SomeChickNamedJen's picture

I'm a girl, and I'm sure I can shit more than a lot of guys, but it wouldn't be bad if I shit daily, but normally it is like once a week..

noone's picture

i think girls shit in larger ways, cause we tend to be sort of ashamed about it and try to do it the least often possible? at least, people's posts about girl's big shits tend to indicate so. and i include myself. i dont know any girls that poop in public toilets.. or even other people's homes. so we're usually holding it in for long periods of time. which equals.. Longer, Wider turds.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Well, that wouldn't explain mine. I'm not ashamed to shit and I do it whenever the urge strikes me. It's still huge.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Super Pooper's picture

Regarding poonurse's answer...I don't flush until my husband sees my giant turds...when you make one that size you feel compelled to show off your accomplishment. I don't blame the college dorm girl for leaving it in the toilet for others to see. In my experience guys tend to go to the bathroom and wait to poop. Girls wait until they can't hold it in any longer and go. Hence the larger build up.

spence's picture

hmmm....seems like I have the longest poops amonsgt you all...12inches up to 20inches...

Andreas's picture

I

Laura's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I am desperate. I have been taking 3inch across turds since the tender age of 9. (Just like The Shit Volcano, oddly enough). They NEVER flush down the toilet and I am so ashamed to take a poo that sometimes I hold it in until I can't anymore. Please keep in mind that I am only 12 and get ade fun of infront of my friends about it by my 22 y/o sister. Please help I am desperate!

Desparate Mom's picture

My 13 yo daughter has had very very large turds for years now. Every toilet she uses gets clogged. There has to be a nutritional answer to this but I can't find it. I was hoping to find the answer here. Guess I'll keep looking.

Wayne Smith's picture

Girls usually have bigger dumps than guys. To those girls who take dumps big enough to block the toilet, take Metamucil and drink lots of water. It will stop them being so wide AND the dump will be more easily dissolved by the toilet water. Then it will be flushed more effectively. Finally, flush once after you've pooped, THEN wipe and flush again. So the paper doesn't bunch up around the poo. If you take the Metamucil, you will likely go more often aswell. Hope this helps :)

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooper

I've been eating healthy for the last week or so and have been taking normal shits probably every 20-24 hours which I hear is normal. Today, I took a shit in one sitting and shit so much it started to go past the water level! I call my girlfriend at work and told her about what happened. She thinks I should see a doctor. I told it was just a BIG SHIT. Anyone else ever shit so much the pile passed the water level?

Ben's picture

Dave,

It happened when I was 26. All seemed normal at first. Post-breakfast shit, no pain. When it started, I knew it was BIG. Would feel it. Looked and confirmed the dimension. What was different was that it kept gliding out. When that was over, more came. Way passed the water level. When I was done, I felt so empty and satisfied inside!!! Sadly, I had noone to show this work of art to. VERY impressive.

poopette's picture

girls are more constipated, so their poop amalgomates into giant logs in their intestines before it comes out. i poop far bigger and far less regularly than my husband. beer also causes more watery (and thus less massive) shits and on average, guys drink more beer.

Thepoopdoerr's picture

I take psyllium husks and do a regular colon cleansing. I shit three times a day on good days after meals (stimulates the digestive and elimination process when you eat). My average ppops lately have wrapped the bowl about 12" and about 2.5" diameter. Glides right out no pain!

Dude's picture

Even tho I'm a guy, looks like i do what most girls do; hold it in until point of no return. They're huge works of art I'll tell ya. 3-4 inches across is the norm for me.

Racsouran's picture

I think womans has bigger capacity to retain shit only by pure purposes of survival in times of need, so the possibility of getting pregnant with success were secured; then the shit is a source of energy and material to build the fetus.

Wee Jock PooPong-McPlop's picture

Yeah, I'm a chick and I too am a proud 'holder in' of poo. I don't go til its absolutely necessary, I think I like the satisfaction you get after having it build up for so long. I've had exceedinly long logs that sit on the bottom of the bowl and are so lengthy that they curl up and break the surface of the water - dammit, I'm so proud of those. Almost makes me want to break out the polaroid, but I resist. You guys who talk about 12" poops - you gotta be bullshitting ('scuse the pun), right?!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Be careful holding in that shit. My cousin held in shit for two weeks and ended up having to go to the hospital to have it removed. My dad's side of the family was very strange. (I'm glad he was adopted.)

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Anonymous Coward's picture

My sister had a shit so big she started crying and jumped off the bowl with it dragginmg behind her into the dining room so we called her the "Guppy" after that!

Another Tall Poo Tale's picture

One of my more memorable moments back when I used to go to church was when I was hiding out in the ladies bathroom. I heard this tremendous plopping sound, like a sonic boom. The shit had to be huge judging from the sound it made when hitting the water. What to my surprise when a very skinny 5'0" 75 year old woman came out. Don't know where she was hiding it all -- Also, I'm a woman who shits when she can (no holding in) and I have monstrous shits from time to time. On occasion, they've passed the water level -- those ones come in piles. But I've also had what look to be 14 inchers -- and not only one 14 incher, but a 7 incher along w/ the 14 incher. Mine aren't wide tho -- just long. I have no idea what causes it. What I'm curious about is the fact that some of my long poos look like they've been cut with a knife. They have a blunt edge. As though there's more inside, but my inner bowel grandma isn't gonna let it go just yet.....

Fiona*'s picture

I used to have a real problem going anywhere other than my home or somewhere comfortable...I could hold it in for a week. It wasn't even really voluntary...I think my bowels are just shy in weird bathrooms. Plus, I get nervous because I have IBS and often clog the toilet (for those of you who dont know IBS can give you everything from the runs to constipation, so sometimes the shit is diahrrea-esque and sometimes its like you shat out Mt. Fuji). I recently went home to visit my parents (I'll be 22 next month) and I ended up clogging the toilet twice while I was there. I strained my wrist trying to plunge it with their shitty plunger. Embarassingly enough, my father had to be the one to unclog it. Merry Christmas Dad! Anyhow, I think I can probably outpoop a few of my male buds. Well one of them has Crohns disease & two others share my IBS affliction, so they could probably beat me. Anyhow, girls can let some bigguns go. Once on a girl scout trip when I was in middle school this girl in my hotel room in savannah clogged the toilet twice in two days. We had to have maintenance come in to fix the toilet. I'm sure they were surprised to find six middle school girls in that room. oh well...girls can definitely let some go. If someone is having major issues with poop it is possible they may have IBS, so you should talk to a doctor and get it checked out. Nothing can be done for IBS other than changing one's diet based on paying attention to what foods/drinks cause what kinds of bowel problems. It's literally a pain in the ass.

Coke Can Turds's picture

my mom says i have been pooping out turds way bigger than hers since i was a little girl (i'm 23 now). i kid you not, my turds are almost the size of coke cans! they do not go down the toilet because they get stuck in the hole. i have to plunge the actual boo-boo itself just to get it loose (dirty plunger, ugh). it's disgusting. sometimes it feels like i'm dumping out bricks cuz they're so hard. i just started getting hemorrhoids in mid 2005 and i started bleeding in late 2005. zelnorm helps a whole lot, but it is not good for long-term use. it makes you regular and it makes your stool softer. but i didn't want to become dependent on it. just thought i would share this nasty story... oh, and NO... i don't receive anal sex. i just have a giant anus/rectum and my sphincter muscle hates me. toodles!!!

The Great Dane's picture

Waa Waa Waa!
Your bragheads!
I'm not impressed... Why dont you post your turds on this site? Everyone nowadays got a cell phone with a camera.

Anonymous Coward's picture

There's a new TV show done by the American Idol producers about whacky inventors and a lot of their gizmos are toilet-related. After reading all this, I'm surprised no one's come up with a hand-held, battery powered "Turd-O-Matic slicer/dicer to make things flush better. Can you just picture the informercial testimonials?

Bunghole In the Jungle's picture
l 100+ points

Hee Hee. I just got an audiovisual in my overactive imagination. It went something like this.

{Super-obnoxious Oxyclean-type spokesperson}:” It used to take me hours to break apart my humongo-turds. I got frustrated spending all that money on shit sticks that would break in just one use. But now, with a simple press of the Turd-O-Matic's ergonomic button, those stubborn logs are gone in no time!”

{Disclaimer Dude speaking triple-time auctioneer-ease} “Do not use this powerful tool for food preparation. Overuse of this product may result in an extremely unhealthy addiction to and fascination with shit. Batteries and protective eyewear sold separately.”

keeping the whack in tally-ho...
Fartuituos!
Serenshittipy!

Grab-in-pull's picture

I had the most mega godzilla turd of all time when I was 10 or so.It was so large it got hung up half-ways out and I was home alone and started crying because I thought I might have to go over to the nieghbors house with this huge log hanging halfways out my ass!
But necessity breeds brilliance, as I wrapped my hand in toilet paper and reached back and pulled it out, It felt like it ripped my ass out like a exploded doughnut.
I felt like I was close to death.

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points

Bunghole, I can picture that info-mercial clearly! Somewhere in there they have to throw in the phrases "set it and forget it!" and "look at how easily it cuts through this steel pipe!"

Turdle Dove's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Oh my God, I practically peed my pants reading Grab-in-pull's comment! Good lord, that was hilarious. I think there's some other comment on the site that talks about pulling poop out of the ass by hand. "Close to death"--- awesome! I've had those poops before, where your innards literally spasm from the vacuum resulting from you pooping out such a gigantic piece. And with that comes a good dose of poophoria...

Poop Shooter's picture
k 500+ points

Good onew Bunghole. With the new Inventors show on tv right now, it's quite fitting. You would have to show it in action on a loaf of bread or some bratwurst sausages or something like that.

Now that's funny shit!


_______
Regional POWER POOPING CHAMPION 1988-2006
Poop Shooter!

Poop Shooter!

Mary's picture

Ok Kayla, I went on the internet searching for giant turds because we have just discovered this same exact incident in our dorm room tonight! Our Super Turd was approximately 3 1/2 inches in diameter and 7 1/2 inches long! Some may say this is amazing, others may say it's a legend, but I just want to know how the hell the asshole of this SHIM is feeling right now! WOWZA!!! It's amazing I'm not even mad! But Kayla, I just wanted to say that I am with you and I have posted signs on the bathroom doors to find this poop and scooter!

Slim Jim Junkie's picture

ever read thebunnyblog.com? She says she has giasnt turds because her mtabolism is slow.

Becky's picture

I am a girl of 14 and have huge turds. around 5 inches around and 9 inches usually. i am used to it and streached out enuff for them.

zorro's picture

well poonurse, i have a friend that shits huge turds, and she cloggs up my toilet a lot. her turds mostly 2 1/2 in. wide, and avg. 8 in. long. sometimes she shits what we call summer sausage (one, thick, long turd wraps around the bottom of the bowl) and she,s proud of doing that. she gets off on her own turds. i have seen chicks shit huge turds often.

Hermione's picture

I am a well built 53 year old divorcee, eat healthily, and usually empty my bowels every 5-7 days. My record is 12 days.
My turds are often 2.5 inches in diameter and are firm to hard and often knobbly.
Sometimes I have to resort to anal lubrication in order to pass the really hard lumpy ones.
The chances are that my turds will not flush, so I just leave them if at the office - or someone else’s house. More houses now are not having loo brushes kept in the loo !
Like most women I do enjoy anal sex but this has in no way affected the size of my anus or rectum.
I have seen some whoppers stuck in the Ladies loos at the office, but never anything over 2.5 to 3 inches in diameter.
Lets have some photographic evidence of these massive whoppers over 3 inches thick as I find them hard to believe !

Big Poop's picture

Its not fair! I am sick and tired of people (namely my family) for constantly insulting me just because my turds are bigger than normal. (much bigger) Its as if they think that I actively will my turds to become larger than life and take pleasure in clogging the various washrooms that I frequent.

The life of a big turd dropper is indeed a difficult life and sometimes I experience feelings of depression. Every time I go to the washroom, I feel uneasy. When flushing, I usually cross my fingers and wait with bated breath in the hope that my magnificent offspring will join the rest of the turds out there in the sewers.

I never take a dump in friends houses unless there is a good chance that my gigantic turds and the resulting clogged toilet will not be traced back to me.

I have clogged every single toilet in the university that I attend and I am the bane of the janitors' existence. I am not without a heart however, and sometimes I leave notes apologizing for the size of my turds.

I wish people would understand that one cannot voluntarily control the size of his/her turds. I wish people would understand that we are all the same inside regardless of the colour, size and shape of our turds. Throughout history my kind has been ridiculed and persecuted even when all we need is a little understanding and compassion.

I fear speaking out about my large turds in public, so it is to the internet I turn. Poopreport has been my salvation and I rejoice to hear that I am not alone. There are other people out there and many of them give birth to beautiful logs as big as mine.

I hope that others who read this post will learn to identify with myself and all the other big shitters out there. We are all truly incredible people and someday society shall be able to rehabilitate us and find a use for us and our large turds.

SamDamnit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

*SNIFF*........That was beautiful, Big Poop. God bless you and your big butt hole.
_______
Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

shit-obsessed's picture

Ummm...I'm a woman & I REGULARLY dump turds that are 6 to 20 inches, but sometimes folded, & mind you, this is only a guess, as I do not put a measuring stick in the toilet... This began when I started eating more fiber. I did not realize I was so *unusual*. Yes, I am am all woman - I have had a monthly period for 32 years.

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points

Dave 2/27/05, yes, I have pooped past the water level many times (read some of my stories).

As I have mentioned in many past threads, I am also an IBS sufferer, and a toilet clogger.

My theory about "big poop" is: Ingeneral, women suffer from IBS more often than men. People with this condition seem more prone to monster shits, that jam up the toilet. Also, more women than men hold their poop in until the last minute. This alows more poop to accumulate.
_______
Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

Anonymous Coward's picture

I cannot believe that some people are having some of the same issues that I have. I just not too long ago, had the biggest turd of my life in the toilet. I swear I thought I was giving birth or something. I never thought about measuring it, but girls can outpoop guys, for sure!!!

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points

I am studying this. So far, from what I see, people with high metabolisms poop more. Likley because they eat more.

And from what I see, more women than men have high metabolisms. I am one of the rare few men who can plug a toilet. I am only about 140 lbs and eat about six times a day. I am also very highly active.
_______
It's not nice to fool mother nature.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

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