Floyd. You're carrying around a butt-johnny, but have you had to resort to that more than once?

I would do anything to avoid clod-busting, (starting with alot of fiber) up to and including suicide.

Motherload, how does this happen? Hard? Misshapen? Large? Muscles to week to lug it out? Butthole too small?

I would try to avoid too much manual disimpaction--all that extra stretching would probably cause some problems.

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

I have had to manually disempact before. I agree with ML, lots of handwashing.

If you manually disempact for too long, it can make constipation worse, and over time, can agravate hemorrhoids.
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Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

This topic hurts my butt. I hope to God that I am never put into this situation by a poor diet, illness, or a need for painkillers.

Only once have I been constipated, and it was so painful. Never did it occur to me that not being able to poop could throw the rest of ones body so out of whack (and that your waistband would genuinely grow from it).

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

"KesAFloyd asks: 'I carry around a condom in anticipation of the rare, desperate occasion...'"

I'm sorry, what? You actually CARRY it around with you? As in, IN your wallet? If you're constipated, couldn't you wait until you got HOME to use your phalangeal prophylactic?

Why not a nice rubber glove?

You need one of those hand held blenders.
http://www.citylivingstores.com/mas_assets/full/737528.jpg
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan
Join The Poop Reporter's Lounge

Isn't that blender the kind that adds air to food to whip it up, though? Either way, it'd hurt a lot, and I wouldn't be willing to risk the subsequent damage from putting my gut in a blender... or vice-versa...

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

Oh, MAN, I hope I never get that constipated. I remember my brother being constipated quite a lot when he was a kid and my mom gave him Metamucil cookies, prunes, and all sorts of fiber. When that didn't work, she gave Phillips'. When THAT didn't work, she gave him an enema...that finally worked. Any time I've ever been even the slightest bit constipated, a cup of senna tea usually blows me out pretty good. I think I'd avoid "manual disimpaction" as often as possible...it can't possibly be good for your sphincters.

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An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

All I can think of is that Bobby Brown / Whitney Houston "dooty bubble" incident where Bobby claims he pulled a "dooty bubble" out of her butt.

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Conquering the world, one poop at a time....

I've had to use digital stimulation quite a few times when in the hospital. I cried each and every time. the worst one I can think of is when I woke up to a nurse inserting a suppository. It was a bad start to the day.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Ok, let me clarify. The issue is not being at home vs. somewhere else. The issue is being on the pot with a turd sitting halfway out your ass and not moving. I'd rather have a condom in my pocket (wallet) than have to get up and waddle around for something to dig with.

Yes, I try to eat healthy and most of the time my poops are fine, but possible health issues aside, I would rather stick a finger in and pull rather than spend a lot of time trying not to do the vagus maneuver on myself. My fingernails are kept very short thanks to a certain chomp-chomping that I do, and I try to be gentle.

I was reading in a book about spina bifida how manual disimpaction or digital simulation is regular part of some people's bowel programs ("use the pinkie with babies"). So, there are people who do it on a regular basis. What gives?

It's amazing: I honestly thought I was the only person to ever have a hanger that had to be coaxed out manually. Of course, necessity is the mother of invention and all that, so I had to make do with a toilet paper wrap. One time, I managed to get the thing started and it finally left me in an extended, excruciating slide, only to reveal itself as something roughly the size of my forearm, rigid as a tree limb, standing and leaning against the wall of the bowl, a good five inches or so sticking up out of the water. Flushing it was out of the question: It was going nowhere. It might stil be there, for all I know, in stall 4 of the Delta Airlines terminal at the airport. I'm sure the thing would have shown up on an X-Ray and I would have been cavity-searched at security. Rough guess: five pounds if it was an ounce. The other thing I remember is thinking: So that's how those folks take it anally without suffering! If that shitbrick could come out without shreding my sphinc, I imagine giving birth would be a snap. Of course, it took about a week for my sphincto to get back its former tone and elasticity, but that's a small price to pay for dropping a monument like that. I actually had to go into a part crouch to allow the sucker room to completely leave my body. More details will be provided in my forthcoming story "Stuck: One Man's Ordeal" which I will submit soon!
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My butt isn't all it's cracked up to be.

P.S.: Am I the only person who has ever had such a massive sphincter-ripper built up inside that it became virtually impossible to piss? The one manual disimpaction episode I referred to here was accompanied by the urge to pee and the inability to get anything to come out. I'm not clear on the anatomy in there, but I think my colon was pressing my ureter flat. More than anything, that's what shook me about the episode: the thought that I'd require surgery to put a polyethylene tube into my bladder or something. Who cares if you die of a colonic rupture from a cheese-cemented doot if it's preceded by a fissure leak from your pee pipe? I mean, we all have to...um...go somehow, but I'd certainly prefer something a little less, well, leaky. Just a thought, not really looking for a dialogue, just consider it rhetorical. Thanks for listening. I feel so much cleaner now. Is there some other column in which this subject has been discussed? If so, sorry to beat a dead horse here.
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My butt isn't all it's cracked up to be.

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teddyWhen before i knew i had IBS everbody feels their dump moving toward the gate i guess i sure do.Well when this would happen to me i had hard turds well rocks is a better definition for them it felt like they were cutting me inside it hurt so bad i would holler till they moved in to the right spot.All i needed to do was slow up on the bread and get me a bottle of fiber laxitive.See fiber laxitive is not only the cure for constipation the fiber cam help lower your cholestrol too.And one other thing IBS sufferers have a motility problem fiber keeps things moving.Ever suffer from sour stomach thats caused by what the doctor told me i have a lazy stomach.Fiber will not let it be lazy count on it.I think my stomach is lazy only very seldom most times what i eat is at the back door in 4 or 6 hours banging and wanting back out.Hope someone benefits from what have learned from trial and error and the doctor too.Don't suffer constipation its relief is only a bottle of fiber away and you will fel so much better.P.S not everone can take fiber it can with some cause cramping.But you have to adjust your body to it.Star with small doses if it don't work gradually increase it till your turding nice and soft and smooth as a paved highway LOL THANKS TEDDY one other thing i don't pay any attention to the directions for my self i take bigger than it says cause its what i need doses some time it won't hurt you it only shits you.

Teddy, It won't hurt you it only shits you?

Be very careful, KesAFloyd. If your sphincter muscles should spasm and then not release, you might get your thumb stuck up your ass.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Teddy is on something good. Or dummernshit.

Manual disimpaction can be accomplished without inserting your finger in your anus. Instead, push repetitively (1-3 times per second) from the left rear toward the anus, but about 2-3 inches from the anus. This procedure will break the static friction of most impacted feces and get them moving easily out of the anus. So easily in fact, that within a week of first discovering this procedure my anal fissures were able to heal.