Sometimes I go for five days without the great relief a good movement. When I finally do go, I have to flush at least three times or I fill the bowl. Sometimes I clog it up so badly the plunger comes out full of poop. Should I see an ass-doctor?

Dear Robert,

Thanks for the question!

No need to resort to a doctor at this point. (Hey, that's gotta be the first time I've had to say THAT!)

However, it is probably unpleasant for anyone you live with to visit the bathroom after you've had your way with the toilet. How do you clean the plunger, for God's sake? (Mr. Poonurse puts the dirty plunger right next to the toilet for ME to take care of. Most times I just deal with it, but if I'm particularly pissed off at him, I wipe it out with his clean underpants, leave them out to dry, and then put them in his underwear drawer. But that's just me....)

Here's what to do: start using Metamucil or some other generic fiber supplement if you are too cheap to use brand name products. Three times a day, dissolve a teaspoon in a full glass of water and drink it. I believe you could add a shot of Jack Daniels or something if it is too unpalatable, but on the whole it isn't too disgusting just plain.

After a couple of days, you should at least be going every other day or so. It isn't a laxative -- it just moves things along a bit faster. Good luck!

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility. Got a question for her?