itchy ass crack

j 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Shecky asks:

For the last two months, my ass has been itching like crazy. I eat a lot of fiber in the form of Metamucil and whole wheat bread, so my turds are generally of a good consistency. I don't have hemmorhoids, and I would like to think that I don't have a parasite, but my ass still itches. It's not the o-ring that itches, but rather the area around it. It's almost like I have jock itch of the ass -- is that possible? I exercise a good bit, so it does get sweaty down there. Please help me, Poonurse!

Dear Schecky,

First, you know that I am going to tell you to get it checked out by a competent medical professional, right? It could be just an irritation, or it could be something as disgusting as pinworms or something. So see a doctor.

You COULD briefly try washing with a mild soap such as Ivory, letting the area dry well, wearing loose cotton underpants, not using premoistened wipes, and applying 1% hydrocortisone cream SPARINGLY to the itchy area twice a day. If these suggestions don't help within ten days or so, show your itching ass to a doctor.

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?

1001 Comments on "itchy ass crack"

PooperGal's picture

I remember when I got itchy ass crack as a little kid, it was always due to not wiping well enough. My parents would clean then swab my ass crack with Vaseline and the itching stopped right away.

Pinworms. Euwy. My understanding of PW, is that They Only Come Out At Night. The Shit Volcano mentioned it in another poop thread... the females come out of the rectum to dance around the entrance butthole at night (actually, they go there to lay eggs).

So, if one's butt crack itches by day, I'm guessing it's not PW, but irritation from either poop or sweat (you mention working out and sweating) that trickled down between the cheeks.

I wonder about jock itch. It's possible. The crack is dark, moist and all that stuff. Maybe swab a little antifungal ointment in your butt crack and see if you get results within a few days.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Do you have a cat or dog? Sometimes my crack itches when pet hair somehow falls in there.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

PooperGal's picture

Um...I don't want to know how pet hair gets into a person's butt crack... LOL
I'm guessing it has to do with sitting nekkid on a couch where the pet has been sleeping. Right? :)

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

It think it gets in there because of the way I do laundry. All my dirty clothes are in one pile. All the clothes that have been worn but don't stink lay in another pile and my clean clothes are in a third. The cats and dogs like to sleep on the piles. That's the only way I can figure it gets in there. That, and they sleep on my bed. (No, I don't mean like THAT!!!) Their hair is everywhere in this house! I even have to watch my food sometimes.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

PooperGal's picture

I can relate. We always had dogs and cats when I was growing up, and their fur was on everything.

Does it help to use "Bounce" or one of the other fabric softener/anti-static sheets in the dryer when you do laundry?

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Not really. I mean, it works in the dryer. Then I pull it out again and the cats and dogs get it all hairy again in like three seconds. I don't see the point of using it.
Oh, well. I love my four-footed kids so I just live with the hair.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

pooQueen's picture

I had an itchy bung once right after i had surgery under general anesthesia...the dr. told me it was probably from the drugs being flushed out of my body...I didn't believe him but it went away within a few days without treatment. So there.

Slim Jim Junkie's picture

How much spice do you get?
Also, make sure you use enough TP, and if that isn't enough, use the shower more often.

fungus gus's picture

try a vibrator, coated with lard; then pray; lord, i deserve this itching ass, cause i sinned. gus

sara's picture

Ya know, they have those butt wipes you can buy at the store. They're kinda like baby wipes, but for adults. You can even buy the dispenser to place it above your toliet paper roll. I thought it was pretty cool. No more yucky toliet paper bits left over in my butt.

Caden Williams's picture

My asshole itches but not on the outside. Its itches right up just inside the asshole. I get some relief if I shove my pinky up there and wiggle it around. I craped in my hand and looked for worms but couldn't find any. Are worms visible or do you have to use a microscope. I recently ate a hamburger that looked rare.

Homver's picture

My ass itches for many years now. Around 10 years ago, I scratched it so hard, that I couldn't even poo properly anylonger. I am not joking. I am wondering since about 10 years what is goin on with me, I definitely have no worms, I am clean and use these wet tissues, and I do not get too much spice and stuff like this. Sometimes I scratch my ass at night when I am sleeping, without even realizing it. This comes with some down sides, since I scratch too hard sometimes, just like if you'd scratch another itchy part of your body or a mosquito bite without stopping :/

just some info's picture

Causes of anal itching
Washing too much or not enough. Poor hygiene can be responsible for anal itching, but so can excessive cleaning, especially if you use harsh soaps or a brush.

Leakage of faeces can lead to itching around the anus. Look at the section on faecal incontinence for more information.

Pre-moistened toilet tissues (wipes), bought from chemists and supermarkets, can sometimes cause anal itching. The reason is probably perfume, alcohol or a preservative in the wipes.

Sensitivities and allergies to other chemicals, such as bubble baths and perfumed soaps, may be responsible.

Ointments and creams are notorious causes of anal itching. If you have itching, it is a natural reaction to buy an anaesthetic gel for the anal area. Most of these are labelled

butt in distress's picture

i have an irritated butt crack. it itchess like crazy and i have tried creams but they don't help that good, i know i don't have pw or anything like that i wipe very well and i am clean. i don't exsesively clean but i do a good job. the itching is more like a rash that after itching it seems to spread and causes small bumps kinda like little tiny pimples but nothing bad. my skin is raw there and the itching causes the "rash" to leak something sometimes it bleeds a little. Its not near or around my anus at all it is just in the crack starting right under my butt bone. i don't know what to do please poo doctor can you help me.

cdog's picture

My ass just started itching the other day. its just the anus, and it itches, some times it goes away, then it comes back, could using Old SPice Endurance body wash be causing it? or wut else wud do it

msjuliet07's picture

i have bumps on my butt, mostly in my crack but around my hole also. they hurt, and the bumps on the outside of my crack itch. when i take a poop, it hurts, and it bleeds. not a lot of bleeding but a little. also, in my stools, there is green slimy stuff that attaches to my poop. it looks like snot. i'm confused as to what this might be?

D.K.COPELAND's picture


yuppy's picture

My butthole has recently been itching me on and off during the day, i just took a crap, and my poop had all kind of food in it and when i wiped i could see traces of nuts(cashews) i was eating and soft poo. So is it true?

anonymous butt itcher's picture

About two years ago I was hit with a variety of symptoms all at the same time. My girlfriend had some bacteria problem in her that spread to me. My dick was gross looking with red scabby patches for a while. Finally when she got healed I got better and we figured out what it was all about. Right after that though I started having an itching anus, I was treated for pin worms no luck.

I even ended up having a colonoscopy because a doctor thought i might have colitus. No luck I didn't have colitus. I was checked for hepititus, and treated for IBS, because for a while i was having really soft shits, and i had never had that before in my life. Oh also I was treated for hemmaroids which i didn't have and the doctor knew it.

Long story short I never got rid of the itching its been about 2 years. I did figure out how to stop it. After I take a shit I take a shower immediatly and wash the area. If i cant get to a shower i get a thing of toilet paper and wet it and wipe my ass down with that. This system works pretty well. However my ass gets dried out from washing it so well and sometimes it feels like ive got sandpaper in my pants and it hurts to walk and sit down. As a matter of fact it nearly always feels this way, I try not to think about it. My balls feel really rough and dry as well and they rub against my legs in a really annoying manner. If I go running my legs chaffe and they never used to do that, and I'm not over weight at all. Could there be some fungus or something living on my legs making me uncomfortable? I don't know if you can help me I will be seriously in debt to you for life. I'll give you a 100 dollars I swear to god.

I have a lot of anxiety as well. When I go to the doctors I nearly always have a panic attack. So as mentioned earlier i think I am making everything worse and its in my head mostly but thats who i am and i cant ignore it. Im pretty young and ive always had atrocious blood pressure, so making it better even though half of it is in my head is important to me.

Thanks, anonymous butt itcher.

meggie's picture

well i cant say i have had to go to see the doctor for the same reasons as you but i did have to go and show him a very private area and i was 15 at the time and i felt really embarrassed about it but my friend told me to imagine that the doctor was naked or to imagine he was really sexy and i wanted to show him my fanny! i went to the doctors, shut my eyes, imagined the doctor was really hot and then he looked and everything was totally humiliation free!!

If this doesnt work for you i am sorry but it worked for me!!
Hope you get better soon

Ass licker's picture

I Know what you mean. I had PW while my boyfriend was bumming me. Suddenly, he started screaming and I found that my worms had come out through my ass hole and had wrapped themselves around his penis. It took 10 minutes to remove them. Those little buggers are like leaches. Anyway, I just like to say that an itchy ass hole is nothing to be ashamed of and if anything, you should be proud and able to parade it in public with extreme maturity. No joke.

Dick Burns's picture

I had those same worms come out of my ass. I loved it!

anonymous itchy ass bastard's picture

For the past few years I've had some serious problems that I could not figure out. I had an asscrack that would seemingly dry out every so often and split above and below the anus. not fun. Then it would heal up for a while and a few weeks later the cycle would repeat. My asshole got to the point where it would itch intensely, I seem to remember noticing the intense itching when I would lay down at night...
So time passed on and I started to notice this red area under my was very red...seemed moist (i usually hang a lil to the left so its the area that gets the least air) and was midly itchy.
So I went to my gp, he gave me some lamisil 1% HC cream...I started treating the area...within a few days it was looking much better....I then started getting some other red areas around my genital area. I had a patch form on my was red, no real border but the entire area looked shiny and sort of scaled over. So for the next few months I applied a generous helping of the lamisil cream all over my nuts + asshole. The itchy ass went longer did i have a bright red ass with red lines up the crack. All the patches on my nuts and shaft went away. So I thought it was done, but nope some of the areas came back and in about 2 weeks I had more red and an itchy anus again.
Back to the gps, This time I get 3 diflucan pills and straight lamisil. I took the 3 pills 3 consecutive days and used the lamisil for 3 weeks straight. No problems for 2-3 weeks since, but now it looks like its coming back again :(
I'm gonna head down to see my gp and get a scraping done as soon as i can.
I dont know if this might be related or not but I have a history of stomach problems... my shit is usually softer than harder, fairly moist. I've also found out that there might be a chance I have celiac disease too...(my mother has had thyroid/low energy problems and skin problems forever).

Jayson's picture

I figured out how to get rid of PW or whatever the hell was itching my asshole at night or sometimes after a shit. Get rubbing alcohol. As soon as your ass starts to itch, drench a cotton ball with the alcohol, pull your pants down, spread your cheeks and your actual asshole and stick that cottonball in there. It will burn like bloody hell for about a solid minute, but it killed whatever the hell was itching me there. I only had to do it like 3 times. Now it doesn't itch anymore, thank Christ. Rubbing alcohol kills almost anything man.

Jayson's picture

I figured out how to get rid of PW or whatever the hell was itching my asshole at night or sometimes after a shit. Get rubbing alcohol. As soon as your ass starts to itch, drench a cotton ball with the alcohol, pull your pants down, spread your cheeks and your actual asshole and stick that cottonball in there. It will burn like bloody hell for a solid minute, but it killed whatever the hell was itching me there. I only had to do it like 3 times. Now it doesn't itch anymore, thank Christ. Rubbing alcohol kills almost anything man.

Morgan's picture

I just found out I had pinworms, shit. This really sucks. I don't want to go to the doctor.

menthol satisfaction's picture

nothing soothes an itching ass (or other private parts) like vicks vapor rub. i swear it is the best thing ever.

DookieHouser's picture

gee why i do feel as if vicks on the asshole will not be soothing- - -an ass rush maybe

as for those worm stories/ some of you need to see a good veterinarian/sorry i mean shrink

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points

Ugh. People, if your butt hole itches and it's clean, go to a doctor. Make sure it's not a parasite and that you get something to stop the itch. We can't have people scratching their butts all the time, and I'm willing to bet some of the itchy-assed people don't wash their hands after they scratch. *shudder*
Go see a doctor.

Shity Ass's picture

I hate to shit!! It sucks!!Its so fuckin annoying!!

colonel gimp's picture

hi ya folks...
Here in london,England we also suffer from itchy arses...
but because we are so repressed,we just ignore it...
Only joking.....
the best treatment is Grapefruit Seed Extract,get it from a health food store...
mix about 6 droplets in a small glass of water,take 3 cotton buds,dip in the solution and wipe all around and inside rectal region..
just do not do it near a window....
Grapefruit Seed Extract,is amazing and natural and you can use it for many things....

Crazy Crack Coward's picture

Hey people,
Since 8 years ago I noticed my anus getting itchy. It wasn't so bad then, perhaps once every week or every 2 weeks. This went on for around 5 years. Then it started to itch a little more frequently. And now it just friggin' itches ALL THE TIME. It's the anus hole and the area around and for the past year the underside of the scrotum has too been itching. Sometimes the itching is so immense that it's unbearable. Due to a lot of scracthing, skin has started to peel around the anus which is making things worse. There is a little bump where the scrotum and anus join but I believe this has always been there. But it itches, hell! everything down there does. I went to the doctors and he said there were a few internal piles which he injected with a syringe. But things are just as bad if not worse! I do eat spicy food but also take in decent amount of fibre. However, when I'm on the shitter I do like to sit there for 10 minutes until everything has come out, sometimes forcefully (I know I shouldn't do this). There has been the occasional blood on the stools. Will this ever go away?!?!

I've got an appointment with the doctor where they're gonna stick one of those fibre optic cameras up my hole. That's gotta hurt.

But it's been going on for ages.. wonder if anyone has had the same problem?

One thing that worries me is the skin that has peeled off around the sides of the scrotum (on the legs). It itches everywhere and hurts a lot too.... boo hoo hoo... *sob sob*

Anonymous Coward's picture

I am 77yrs old. Have had a itching recturm For years tried everything nothing worked.The itching was so bad it would not let me sleep.I tried a women's tampon covered with vasilene.and the itching stoped.I now put one every day in my rectrum after i relieve my self and this let's the stool gather around it and nothing out of the ass to make any itching.If i don't do this and skip a day the itching is right back.This may sound crazy but it work's and it's worth a try for any one that has a itching ass

Exhausted Scratcher's picture

Im not sure what to say. I have always been to my dismay an excessive sweater. I hate it. Seems to be the torture of my life. When I was in my late teens early 20's taking a shit was so difficult. I literally thought I had hemroids, because my anus hurt when I shit or wiped afterwards. I assumed this becuase I strained ALOT when I was that age and read that it can cause hemroids. I didnt understand the importance of not doing that. When I found out hemroids can occur I immediately jumped to conclusions.

Years go by and no matter what I did my ass would sweat bigtime. Making of course, my anus smell. I cant figure out why or what is wrong with me. Is it bad that I sweat so much there? I try to keep it clean and stuff. The problem has progressed to where now in my early 30's my anus itches so much. When it itches I cant stand it and so I scratch non stop to relieve the irritation. Once I'm satisfied or cant go on any longer the pain and bleeding occur. I know I have done damage there, but I cant stop. I wish I didnt sweat so much there. Sweat seems to come out in rivers with me. Now I have noticed that after I scratch alot, my rectum and cheeks become swollen. When at work, in order to keep it from becoming an embarassing problem I put a paper towel in my crack to soak up the sweat. Very uncomfortable, but often worth it. I think the tampon idea on here is kinda soundin good. Anyways, one day after I got home from work I took the towel out to discard and noticed a slimy substance. Kinda like puss? I'm confused and kinda scared. What the hell is going on? I use baby wipes when I shit. Toilet paper dont do the trick. Is it all a side affect of the wipes? Now that I think about it, I didnt start having alot of these problems till I started using wipes. Perhaps I should just use a damp wash cloth? Anyone with any ideas I could sure use them. Is that lamicil worth a try? How about the tucks? How about the topical cream? Vasceline? Sure wish there was a way to stop the excessive sweating. I have no sex life thanks to this problem. Not gonna expose myself to that kind of embarassment. Thanks for your help folks.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I have been having an itchy asscrack since I got my carrot diarrhea. Recently I have started using a combination of Tucks and then Preparation H. The combination of the two seems to work. So does clipping the hair on my asscrack. (Yes, girls get hairy there too.)

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Anonymous Coward's picture

my asshole itches.

I was cured's picture

My butt never itched until i read all these posts

homer simpson's picture

Don't shit in a nuclear power plant or eat radio active doughnuts.D'OH!

Shit out of luck!'s picture

I've tried frickin' everything and still I have the anus from hell!!!! It is friggin' blazing! I want to scratch it with a steel hairbrush. Cortisone cream, prep H, lotrimin AF, monistat, diflucan, antibiotic ointment, balmex, peroxide... NOTHING IS HELPING!!!! A friend of mine recommends using some tinactin spray. I'll try anything at this point.

the 17 year itch's picture

I've had the itch for a while now too. I think i caused it by wiping too hard. Then when I take showers I really clean my butthole out extra good to make sure there's absolutely no poo in there. I also have the itching crease by the base of my ballsack but i've had that since i was like 12 i'm almost 30 now so i think it might be a thing where I can't stop scratching down there because I sort of enjoy the feeling of the scratching. Lately though the butthole itch is becommin unbearable I need to just not itch it and let it heal i think but it's just so difficult to not itch.

Exhausted Scratcher's picture

Apparently I was alergic to the wipes. So I started wiping with just the t.p. and after a week or 2 it was all better. Not even the sweating is too bad a problem. My suggestion to everyone is DONT USE WIPES! If anything I wet a tissue and clean up after wiping. Its all good.

Anonymous Coward's picture

if your butt is too itchy all the time try a howard on it wet the tp or get something like a wet wipe for it so when you poop your butt will be cleaner.. works fine..

name's picture

For all you guys i would like to suggest drinking lot of water and eating non spicy foods including non veg(fish is ok)for a month will definately solve your problems related to anus.Drink atleast 5 literes of water per day.

Anonymous pet's picture

i found putting whipped cream on and around the anus then having my dog lick it off did'nt help at all..however for short term relief try camimile lotion, im also experimenting with zoviraz ill let u know the outcome

itchcrazy's picture

Hey, Im NOT alone. Ive been suffering an itchy ass since I was young. Apparently I also have soriasis (whatever). It used to drive me crazy as a youth, and I used to tug at my pants there until people started looking at me funny. Needless to say, a lifetime of taking it like a man has given rise to being easily irritable. Went to the doc ans was treated for PW. Lately ive tried ...Lol! Diaper rash ointment to kill the whirlwind of itching every time I take a crap or ride the bike to long, and it works but the itch comes back in time. Ah well, its nice to know that we are a all together itching and still living. Keep on keepin on you itchy cats out there! Woo-HOO!

tested and tried's picture

i am 23 and have had an itchy ass problem which started very mildly when i was 16. noteworthy- i never have any poop problems so if that is a complementary sympton for you, we may not be in the same boat. my problem has, however, gotten progressively worse over the years. ive gone to several doctors and was put on several medications that did nothing. it became intolerable! the last doctor i went to was a highly recommended proctologist and he diagnosed me with PRURITAS ANI, which means ITCHY ASS in latin. it is basically an ass allergy. he had me remove spicy foods, caffeinated drinks, dairy, and alcohol from my diet. sure enough, when i removed all of those things, my horrid problem diminished! slowly adding those things back into my diet, the itchy ass onset re-occurred when i got to alcohol, specifically wine and hard liquor. sure enough, i had my first brief experience with hard liquor when i was 16 years old. now i know how to control it, and if i plan on indulging for any reason it will be more than my brain and stomach experiencing the hangover. hope this helps someone...

Chronic Anal Itcher's picture

Oh my gosh! I'm not alone. My butt has been itching ever since I was a child, now age 32. I knew I have worms because my mom used to pick them out for me with a piece of paper folded in a triagular shape as a child because I would be crying from the itch. She took me to a doctor, and I took the worm medication. When I pooped, the worms came out with the feces. They were varying sizes, and they hung out of my butt, and I had to pull them out with a paper towel. The itching stopped, but I had been terrified ever since. Six years ago, I have been having this recuring anal itching. It gets to the point where I have to go to the bathroom every 10 minutes to wipe my butt with a papertowel to relieve the itch. The itch gets very intense after an hour of pooping. So, I have to wipe my butt very good, and sometimes if I'm at home I would soak my itchy anus in a hot bubble bath. This is a short relief, but it feels sooo gooood to not be itching for just a brief moment. I don't remember what it is like without being itching all the time. I have been itching all over my body: my anus, my legs, my head, my back, my arms, my hands, even my vagina ithes. I cannot stand it anymore. To relieve the itch, I have to pick my butt(&vagina)with a wet Q-tip, and it has been saving my life!! Every time I pick my butt with a Q-tip, I would look for worms, and I would see them everytime. They look just like the Q-tip fiber. I know it's not the fiber because I can see it scriggling. They're even found in the vagina and occasionally in the ears and nose!! I went to see a doctor 2 years ago and told her that I have worms because I had them as a child and I see them everytime I pick them. She tested my stool culture, and no worm was found. Then I switched to another doctor, and the new doctor said there is no worm or parasites found in my stool culture. They both gave my prep h, and other rx to relieve the itch, but it doesn't help at all. I'd die with without a q-tip. I have to pick my butt every 10-20 minutes, and definely I would need to pick my butt before I go to sleep everynight. Otherwise, I won't be able to have a sound sleep. Desperately, I took an asian over-the-counter worm medication, and it didn't help much. I don't know what to do after seeing 2 doctors, and it is embarassing to tell them about it. I don't know what to do. The first doctor thinks it's all "in my head," and prescribed me an anitdepressant rx. I felt insulted, so I stopped going to see her. The second doctor was young and inexperienced. She's refering me to 3 different gastroenterologist. Good luck to me.....I hope there will be a resolution. I want a normal life. Tips: For all those anal ithers out there-->"Try picking your butt with a Q-tip instead with your fingers."

Anonymous PooP's picture

Thanks for all the insight....I will go see a doctor!

Anonymous Coward's picture

from one itchy butt to another
the problem in many cases could be the
toilet paper as a lot of the brands have
cedar fiber and your getting cedar poisoning
kleenex is the only kind i can use cost, more
but worth the extra

StrangerDanger's picture

I got and itchy asshole a few days ago and its just ruthless. it just kinda got itchy one day and never went away. it got inflamed a bit in and around the anus and it just gets so itchy that you cant help but scratch it. im a pretty clean wiper and its not pw. idk how to get rid of the damn itch. any suggestions?

Dr. Pepper's picture

Hello everyone, My name is Dr. Pepper. I have noticed alot of you have a itchy ass due to worms up in there, This is what you do if you are too scared to go to the doctor. You can eaither...
(1)Get a cotton ball and drench it in rubbing alcohol and shove it up your ass. Do this for about 2 weeks straight and I can garantee you the worms will die due to them not being able to reproduce because they will go away from the alcohol and to reproduce they need to get out of the anus.
(2) Take a clove of garlic and chop it up into small enough peices that will fit in your ass. Shove that shit up your ass and do the same as with the alcohol. If the worms do not die after 2-3 weeks of doing this then I suggest you go get "the pill"

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooper

(For the record, I wouldn't take Dr. Pepper's advice.)

hannah and manda's picture


Anonymous Coward's picture

i used to have the same problem, it started at 15 im 22 now so it seemed to go on forever . then one day i just got so fed up and grossed out that i ignored the problem, a couple antagonizing weeks later the problem dissapered

Anonymous Coward's picture

quit scratching

Male's picture

I have itching problem for last 3 months.I am 36 year old male.Every time in pass stool it get worse.I went to doctor who told me that i got annal fisher.I use some cream and gel but it wont work.It come back and problem get worse every 15 days

Anonymous Coward's picture

Hi.. on the top of my asscrack i noticed it itches n bleeds and theres liek ths extra bit of meat there.. wat do i doo im embarrased to go doctors n it leaks on my underwear and smells funny.. Please help me i dotn knw wat to do

AssDoctor's picture


Anonymous Coward's picture

have you ever tried lighting a match!

anal itchies's picture

i'm serious here, when i scratch my ass, i get what i think is irritated dry skin under my nails and in my underwear. this time, after researching online, i looked and it's both skin and maybe fecal matter? i'm not sure if its worms. i'm trying athletes foot creme now, will try the grapeseed, bromelein, and witch hazel on the surface. let's see what happens.

boner46769's picture

my rectum smells like tuna oil

foofie's picture

I also have that itch in my asshole since late last year, I dunno but I just had it. It would be ok if its just an itch in the butt area, but the itch is really on the hole. It drives me nuts not to scratch that itch, and it feels good after it. The itch attack comes anytime of the day or night. I don't scratch it with my finger directly, I scratch it through my shorts or underwear brief in between gently until the itch goes away. When the laundry comes, my brief have poop traces. I wash my asshole thoroughly with a mild soap after pooping and bathing everytime. I just wash the external area of the anus so it's clean, scratching makes my finger go inside the hole about 1-3mm so it's natural to have poof traces after scratching through my underwear. If I could just wash my asshole up to the intestines, I will but that's impossible :-P. I just don't get it why is this happening to me. Having your laundry with a brief with poop traces is not so nice.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

Why is this thread made up almost entirely of non-verified posters? Then again, that's how most of us started (me just a few days ago), so maybe it has something to do with the First Amendment (which really applies only to liberals).

Anonymous Coward's picture

But cracks on a website is really funny but t5o be more serious they should talk about how important it is to take care of your butt crack. Oh yea My butt crack is fresh and clean.

my cool-ley itches's picture

every minute, every day after i go cocky
im itching it right now as im typing this message .......... he he

Itchy Crack's picture

Wow... a whole forum to discuss itchy ass cracks. When I started my search, I wasn't sure I'd find anything useful, but besides the butt jokes, there is some good info here. I get a severe itching problem all in my butt crack and bottom of testicles after walking a lot in long pants (I usually wear shorts). I mean serious deep down itching. Also some bumps that even puss a little when it really flares up. Feels and acts like Poison Oak in my butt crack! Yowsa.

I think this is due to chaffing and the sweat, but now I think it also has some bacterial or maybe fungus going on. I find that neosporin and A&D ointment help quite a bit with the itching, but not completely... will try fungicide. But how do I fix this problem since it's continually moist down there?!

I also recommend getting a 2x2" gauze pad, slop on some neosporina and push it slight into your ass. This will eliminate the possibility that the itching is caused by leakage.

I am way too embarrassed to see the doctor (who is female), but may have to... it's getting unbearable. Should I go to a GP or proctologist?

Ideas welcomed!

help my ass itches's picture

My butt has never itched. I am a butt hole though, people call me a shithead, but, my actual butthole...not an itch in site!

needinfo's picture

i been having these itches for past 3 days, i need help on what to do? I had woken up 2 nights and i have to go to the bathroom because it itches a lot i cant stand it ? Do you think it could be pinworms? I also get itching during the day... so help please if u can i will try going to doctor to get some medicine , that hopefully would kill them or something ...flush them out.

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points

Those of you that are serious about getting help for your itchy ass, but are too embarrassed to see your regular doctor, go see a proctologist. Dealing with butt-hole problems is their job. If you have a good insurance you may be able to go see one without a referral, but many insurance companies require you to have a referral from a GP to see any kind of specialist. So... if the latter is the case you're in, then it sucks to be you. You're going to have to deal with your GP. If not, then good luck and please report on what your proctologist prescribed to relieve the itch.

PooNani's picture

Holy shit! What interested info here. I would occasionally get an itchy ass crack (well, around my anus) but it isn't severe. Finally realized why it happens.. it's because I don't scrub enough down there. I would usually just soap my ass, body and whatever.. scrub my whole body intensively once a week..

Anywho, I just wanted to say to those people who are embarrassed to see a doctor - whats more important.. your ass, or your pride?
If you're unhappy about something, change it.

Rock Star's picture

So, i was searching around the web looking for info on my "chronically itchy ass" to which i have found no reasonable solution. just last night i couldn't get to sleep becos it was itching so badly, and then i went and had a shower which always seems to help. the problem seemed to start when i began recording my first album four years ago (those of you who wondered whether famous people participate in chat forums, here's your answer). i think it was brought on by stress. BTW i'm not really famous. if i was i would be sunning my crack on some exotic beach. i think the itch is increased (pun not intended) by sitting in a chair at a desk, becos i don't notice the itch when i'm walking down the street. like many of you, my itch is "bad in bed". i will keep you ass itchers posted on my success... thanks for the support. i feel much better now after realising i am not suffering alone!

Anonymous Coward's picture

Well, i have suffered from the same thing, itchy butt, for years, but the problem has gotten much better, for two reasons. The first is, i took diflucan (anti-fungal) treatment, and the second is, my doctor tested me for food sensitivities, and since avoiding those foods which i react to, my itching has decreased dramatically!!!

Anonymous Coward's picture

I have also had an itchy ass sometimes, usually at nite and it can get quite unbearable. When this happens I just get out of bed, surf the net or go for a walk, something to get my mind off it for an hour or two and it usually goes away. I think it is also bought on by stress.

Anonymous Coward's picture


Rock Star's picture

yeh - i usually do that. thanks for the advice smart-ass (he he)

Anonymous Coward's picture

Just a little feedback for all the ass itchers. I know at night it gets rough to deal with. Take a peice of toilet paper and fold it. Probably 2 or 3 sheets. Align it in your ass crack where your cheeks dont touch each other. Trust me it does wonders. Free and better than any cream I have ever tried

Anonymous Coward's picture

for anyone with ring sting or an incredible wish to itch their grandmothers pokerered lips try using SUDOCREAM, widely available, helps prevent napkin rash, minor burns, surface wounds, acne and also chilblains

Rock Star's picture

recently i have been taking Anon Coward's advice and checking my diet out. i stopped dairy the last 3 days. maybe that will stop the itching...?

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

I still note that this thread is made up almost entirely of non-registered users. I have concluded that these people have several things in common: (1) They are too lazy to sign up here; (2) most of them appear to be too lazy to maintain proper anal hygene; and (3) they are too lazy (or stupid) to GO TO THE DOCTOR when there is clearly something wrong!

I really, really hope that this thread isn't actually all of the regulars coming in here unregistered because even they as PoopReporters are too ashamed to confess the kind of stuff we are reading about here. Say it isn't so!!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

You should read some of the bloody poop entries. It's amazing how many unregistered or single entry users show up there looking for advice. And they all have names along the lines of "really scared" or "red poop shitter".

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

Well, along with the ex-Mrs. Dumpster's knuckle-dragging current husband (his name is Gurg, BTW), these goobers who google a humor site for serious medical advice are almost enough to make me believe in the Theory of Evolution!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Or de-evolution, anyway.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

SamDamnit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

What's wrong with being lazy?

The Emir of Crapistan

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I'd answer that but I don't feel like it right now.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Anonymous CowardLEE's picture


Anonymous Coward's picture

I had severe ass itch, and I figured out that it was cheap generic cashews! Cashews are very closely related to poison ivy, and if the oil from the shell isn't washed off the cashews, and if you're badly allergic to poison ivy, you can end up with ass poison ivy from cashews!

When I had ass poison ivy from cashews, it itched so much I couldn't sleep correctly for weeks!

peewee's picture

It has been days now since my butthole have been hurting... I wasn't sure why.. and I checked it out myself today and I saw skin or some sort of skin maybe growing on top of the surface of my butthole and it HURTS so badly... I am not sure if it's maybe a pimple or rash thats growing from wearing thongs.. and it was tight up my butthole... I am freaking out because, it's painful and I am scared that I might maybe have cancer or something that leads to danger!!! PLEASES help its like 4 am in the morning and I am freaking out trying to call the doctor but cant get ahold of any of them.... so if anyone can help me that would be great. Is there supposed to be bumps inside the butthole or skin attach to it?

Anonymous Coward's picture

BAM! One night it was on and it's been on ever since. That was like 9 years ago. Madness I tell you, madness!

Fellow anal scratchers, never give up, keep fighting the fight!

Anonymous Coward's picture

The crack of my buttock has been really itchy for the past couple weeks. sometime if I were to scratch just inside the buttock it would feel a bit better. I have noticed now (2 weeks later) I have some kindof bumps in between my butt crack. The are itchy and kindof sore(from scratching). One if kindof round and flat above my bum hole and other other at the top of the crack before the vagina. Do you know what they might be???????????

Absolutely fed up's picture

well I think I've had the longest itch - coming up to 20 years. I was told by a doctor once that it was an anal fissure - she gave me medicine to put on the offensive target, it was so hard to do, I spilled most of it on the carpet (what a mess and what a waste!). I diagnose myself on a daily basis. From pinworms to parasites, haemmoroids to piles, the list is endless and I'm so fed up. Yesterday I decided to take a worm tablet - no change. I've used Anusol wipes (buy them in Aust), they were good for a moment, gave some relief (10 minutes). A friend of mine was at a camping site and had a furious scratch. The only thing he could find to put on his anus was petrol!. It hurt for a while but it was his partner that was most put out - the smell of petrol during intercourse was a little off putting!. Needless to say I haven't tried petrol. I am so sick of the itching. I need to find a cure. Please help me

AssBlaster2000's picture
PoopReport of the Year Awardj 1000+ points

Am I the only one who giggled uncontrollably for several minutes at the fact that there is a product called "Anusol" which people use to treat itching on the anus? That has to be the most truth in product naming ever. I used to work at a place which manufactured packaging for the medical industry. It would have been awesome to make Anusol packages. That may have made that job halfway tolerable.

Scared_2_Itch's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Do any of you think that anal sex has anything to do with it cus I noticed theres alot of dudes on here and I tried it once and just wondering also my ass has been itching for sometime know so HELP ME!


Bunghole In the Jungle's picture
l 100+ points

Scared 2 Itch: What are you trying to do--out all the readers that have ever participated in anal sex? And let me clue you--women participate in it as well.

I believe if you carefully read the above posts, many of them state they noticed the issue after significant change in diet habits, stress, etc. Also, there's lots of information on leaky butt sydrome on this site too which might point you in the right direction.

Go see your doc if the symptoms persist.

keeping the whack in tally-ho...

Scared_2_Itch's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

im not trying to out any anal sex ppl but i do eat spicy foods and there is girls on here if you would read what i had put then you would know were i was coming from and not jumping to conclusions


daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

He's just wondering because men who participate in sex really one have one alternative as the recipient, and that's anal, while women can do both.
.....hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

Rat Droppings's picture
l 100+ points

AB2K, Is it ANN-YOU-SALL, or ANUS-ALL? That makes a difference. It's funnier if it's pronounced ANUS-ALL. It makes it sound like there's enough anus for everybody.
Regarding the itchy butts. Don't scratch it, it will get infected. If you think a regular o-ring itches, imagine how bad a pustulent, infected brown-eye itches. Although I sprayed solarcaine on mine once. I don't recommend it. It burned so bad I cried for an hour.

"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points

Peewee, you have a hemerrhoid. Get some preparation H and see your butt doctor.

AssBlaster2000's picture
PoopReport of the Year Awardj 1000+ points

Rat Droppings: (Your name brings back fond memories of my childhood with pet rats) it's actually pronounced Ann-you-sol, but, you are right, seeing it written as Anusol is much funnier. Call me a dumbass but I had heard of that product before, but, never having had to use it, I didn't know what it was for. Knowing that it's for the anus makes it mind-blowingly hilarious.

0temp0's picture

i'm scared.

My ass started itchy about 3 nights ago after id been out for a really nice meal [i ate way too much but was all good =D]

the following day i got home from school, played some video games, and then took a poo. Poo = fine Asshole after = not good. I noticed a bit of blood on my piece of toilet paper [had this before from whiping too hard..dry toilet paper aint nice on raw skin] and thought nothign of it [well not much]. Until the after the next day in school, i had to sit wierd cos my ass itched loads...i got home and it continued to itch.

I put up with this over the weekend, but this morning i thought "must...scratch....ass" so whilst on the loo i took some toilet paper and began to whipe and then i scratched...bad idea. the itch became unbearable then it faded.

I;m not gonna say that its getter better although i like to think it is, i'll give my ass a proper wash tonight and see what comes of it.

i really hope i dont have wurms or whatever

EFRO King's picture

itchy ass crack is due to the unsanitary practice of using toilet paper to clean up after a dump. TP must be abolished. It isn't even fit for animals in the zoo much less for human beings.

Anonymous Coward's picture

one day i woke up at 3 in the morning and i had to use the bathroom and i took a number 2 than i notice i had a bump like around my butthole and i have had this before can you help me so i can know what it is

weird ass problem's picture

So, I am not a weird freak or anything...but my problem is not the is the bum. I wake up in the middle of the night say....between 12-6 in the morning, and my bum crazy. I actuallty have to shit on the shitter and push. I feel like i am leaving a load, but nothing is there, clean wipe too. It is a sharp pain, enough to wake me up and i am a deep sleeper. I thought is syncronized with something (menstruation, ovulation.....) nothing, but it happens at least once a month. I have gone to the point of writing it on my calendar, but it is not exact. If anyone know what this is, or experirenced, or know anything, please help. I cant take the pain anymore, and where i live there are no doctors available to see me, I would have to go the ER and wait a life time, and it happends and leaves so quick, i would look dumb trying to show them....thanks

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

I have the same thing happen from time to time, and it's a myster to me, too! I posted this in the forums. Maybe we can find out what it is...
.....hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

Anonymous Coward's picture

if you have an itchy ass, maybe it is jock itch (tinea) you can buy a spray for this ... make sure you dry you're asshole throughly after a shower or a workout ... trim hairs around you butthole can also help ... maybe you also have chaffing

dont have one's picture

I normally don't have an itchy ass, once every 3 months or so my asshole itches, i usually just let my husband do me in the butt and i feel better, but all of the sudden my butthole is itching, it is after i had some soft stool, i washed it really well and thought it would go away i even had some of the soap on my finger and stuck my finger in my ass to make sure it was clean but it has been itching me all day. I'm at work and have to go to the bathroom to scratch the inside of my's gross but it feels so much better when i scratch it. Now i am able to sleep at night so i don't think i have worms, but after a good scratching last night i woke up with someting kinda brownish green was not stool dried up in my underwear, kinda looked like a boogar.....i went to my grandma's house and used some of her prep H, my ass felt better for about 30 minutes then i started farting and they were stinky and now the itchy asshole again...just dunno what to do but scratch it

cashew poison's picture

i did not realize that cashews cause ass itching, i ate a whole container of cashwers they were planters, is that cheap cashews? I just wrote the comment about getting some in the butt from my husband and going to grandma's house for some prep h....i didn't realize that cashews made my asshole itch..hmm..well no more cashews for my ass.

Cashews-no-more's picture

SALTED CASHEWS!!!! I figured it out recently and they are the worst. I can handle a few, but a shitload makes me itch so bad i want to scream. So....form now on I will limit myself to a few at a time. It took me a few years to figure it out. Now I have a name for it.... Poison Ivy Ass!

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

You must be allergic or something. Our family loves cashews, and we've all eaten them for years; even the toddler loves them.

None of us has ever suffered itchy crack from them. YOU may have a mild tree-nut allergy that manifests itself in this form.

"Itchy Crack" would be a great name for a rock band.

K & M's picture

YES to cashews and itchy anus!!!! My wife and I made the connection several months ago and stayed away from them since. However, we shared a small can about 3 days ago and the itch is back. The over-counter benadryl capsule I took about 2 hrs ago is finally providing some relief.

damonhillstevesoven's picture

Wow a poo site. Anyway here in england, over the past three days I have had an itchy arse. Really itchy. I think it started because I strained too hard when I went for a poo. It may also be that I started using a new toilet paper so I think I will change. Anyway I just want to say that I sympathise with everyone on here who has an itchy arse. Especially those who have had it for years!!!! That kind of worries me a bit. I cant have PW cos I dont itch at night and I dont want to start scratching like a crazy thing cos I think that will make it worse and once you start scratching you probably get into a cycle that you cant break. Having said that I just had a bout of intense itching and almost stuck my finger up my hole! One other thing I have noticed is that my body has now become hyper sensitive to any stimulation, like watching a tv programme about insects and getting all itchy. This site has helped me cos I put on some 1% thrush cream and I think it has helped. If anyone would like to advise an english guy on what the problem may be please do. I am too embarrassed to tell my girlfreind. By the way the guy who told the story of his gay lover screaming when he saw worms all over his manhood was grosse, I would scream too

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points

I sleep naked and used to have a cat that was a shed machine. I'm sure I got some cat hair in there but haven't had any itching I can recall. Maybe it's something else, or maybe I'm a bit more resistant.

Heh, seems I'm sharing a lot about myself lately.

Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

[Insert witty banter here]

VeryTerry's picture

It seem like mostly dudes that have this problem, but I'm a chic and have had for several years. Was tested negative for pw. Have tried lots of stuff. I was so sure it was fungal since the V itches 2. Its so gross that I have to use my finger nails which scrathes and makes worse then I use an old toothbrush to scrub me nails. I'm so releived to know I am not alone! Changing me diet is helping a little. Less dairy,grains,breads and junk food. I'm trying the Paleo diet. Its good for you if U can do it. Stinky nails!

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points

I've started itching since last night when lying in bed. I have a sweaty crack often but still I'm worried now if I have a PINWORM. I type it in all caps because we have a user on PoopReport called PINWORM.

Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

[Insert witty banter here]

Anonymous Coward's picture

i have a rash like in my butt.. it hurts when i sit on my butt.. it stings and bruns... and its bleeding not real bad... and it hurts when water touches it and when i sit and when i poop.. i thought it was cause i have ben wearing thongs for awhile day and night but i stopped and its still like this then my mom says it might be from laying down and sitting all the time... can you please help me

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

You need to go see a doctor, goofball. It could be all sorts of infections or bacterias or parasites or what have you. If you're a girl, get thee to your (or your mom's) gynecologist. If you're a guy, your general practitioner.


butt trouble's picture

help!!i know iv got threadworm and iv had it for about 4 years and im wayyyyy to embarrarsed to tel my mum or anything and i want to go to the doctors and get a pescription but am i old enough to sign for it at 14?also will it still be easy to treat for sayin iv had it for 4 years???plz help!

Anonymous Coward's picture

Is this all true? I've never heard any thing like ass worms and bleeding bumps. Are these people commenting from Africa?

Anonymous K's picture

It has been serveral days now that I have this itch and it is getting worst. It's more of few pimples and bumps up on both side of butt crack. Also the tissue in the middle between butt crack seems so red and sensitive.

I use anti biotic cream, analsul ... and clean it with alcohol before i applied the cream, ughh it burns. It doesn't seem to help much. I am not sure what is going on.. I want my smooth butt crack back and I am trying to avoid going to see doctor. Please help

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points


For the love of God, folks--this is a poop humor site! We don't give medical advice. If something is wrong with your rectum, here are seven (7) easy steps to follow:

1. Get
2. Your
3. Ass
4. To
5. A
6. Doctor,
7. NOW!!!

Send all your money to Bilgepump, or to Dave!

Bridget's picture

Okay, my butthole has been itching for about 6 months now - It comes and goes and when it comes it's an intense itch! When I first got this itch in my butt I was not sexually active, but now I am! At first I thought it was herpes because I noticed 2 identical bumps not exactly on my butthole but kind of between my butthole and my vag, and they itched/hurt. Everytime I went to see the doctor those bumps would be gone and the first time I went the doctor said I had Bacterial Vaginitis, so i took anti-biotics and still no luck... Then I went back again and the doctor gave me just one pill for a yeast infection and still no luck. I don't think it is pinworm because it doesnt itch worse at night and i also drank some over the counter pinworm medicine to kill them. I notice a lot of the time if I feel nervous or excited it will itch, and it feels like it itches inside my butt now. I don't know what to do.. I guess i have to go see a butt doctor because OBGYN is not helping me. I just hope that my boyfriend hasnt contracted this itchy butt from me. I haven't asked him because its embarassing but I think he would say something to me if his butt just started to itch really bad! Someone help me! please send me an email thanks

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

Bridget-- Please refer to the post above yours.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Cashews make my ass itch wicked bad. i cant even eat them anymore but they ar emy favorite

Anonymous Coward's picture

Aftate foot spray will get you instant results at getting rid of arse itch. Though it does have a slightly annoying side effect. It will turn that arse itch into flaming arse. kinda like stoking a fire with gasoline. It is worth it to get rid of that horrible stinkfinger causing itch

Anonymous Coward's picture

my butthole itchs all the time and for some reason i smell like a skunk , so at work i just say i have a marijuana plant in my closet under my this sucks,help me

Anonymous Coward Guy's picture

I have a hemroid right now....killing me...but i also have a Thyroid disease (had it since I was 13)...and preparation H says you need to see your Doctor before using if you have a thyroid disease. Anyone know why? YES, i know, I know, go see my Doctor...but I've already started using it...and no, after three uses, I have blood dripping out of my penis...not excessivly, but I noticed it.
Other than this hemroid, I have often had itchy ass, and for a while thought it was crabs or something, but it wasn't. you all know...happy itching....

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

I'm sorry. Did you say you have BLOOD dripping out of your PENIS? Personally, although I am not the Resident Poodiatrician, and I do not possess a penis, I would rather consider a hemmoraging winky a medical emergency! But that's just me.
Fecal Matters.

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points

As the resident sexpert of my instant messaging circles, I feel obliged to tell you that you should NEVER bleed from your penis. Get that checked out NOW before your bladder, your pipes, or your man bits get too damaged and stop working!

Back to the subject of an itchy crack-it helps to keep it clean (using pressure when wiping above my hole usually gets some things out). Also, try to keep the hair trimmed. I'm a rather hairy guy, and it doesn't help when it comes to itches.

And seriously, get that bleeding checked out.

"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

[Insert witty banter here]

Anonymous Coward's picture

i just read that disorders of the skin, like eczema or psoriasis, can cause this annoying problem ... if you have like dandruff type flakes on your scalp or you get itchy like this could be the cause

Anonymous Coward's picture

all these ppl with the same condition i cannot believe we can't find a sufficient answer... i do nothing in excess just like everyone else on here, there has to be some type of medical condition associated with having a yellow-green discharge causing an itchy rectum and surrounding area... please help me, i dig my asshole raw in the middle of the night!

Anonymous Coward's picture

I once knew an asshole. His personality could be described as itchy. A couple guys in the senior class beat the shit out of him.

Anomalous Coward's picture
k 500+ points

It sounds like either a mass outbreak of log-hole leprosy or parasites. I personally feel that wiping with 60 grit sandpaper will alleviate the itching. If not see a doctor. No one should have years of ass-itch. That's crazy.

Also, if you like cool home remedies, try a little BenGay around ye old bung. Won't take care of the pain, but you'll do the quarter mile in record time. :p

Infected Rectum's picture

Dr DR.
Please help me the other day I was inserting a banana into my rectum because I herd it worked very well for treating an itcy anus. A small amount of the banana broke off and was left behind. I figured my body would push it out next time I had to drop the cosby kids off at the pool. Well it has been about three weeks now and I noticed this horible smell emitting from my itcy ass. It itches and stinks so bad I was woundering If I had an Infected Rectum and how would I treat it.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

Adopt a chimp.

Ass Crackhead's picture

Thank God someone mentioned the CASHEWS!!! I want to shove a toilet brush up my ass to relieve this itch. I've been on a six week Chinese medicine diet that's all veg. AND... NUTS!!!! The two main kinds of nuts I've been eating are walnuts and CASHEWS!!! I mean like handfulls every day. I feel fantastic otherwise, but the ASS! It has to be the cashews. I've been getting them at Trader Joe's which has comparable quality to Whole Foods, so maybe it's just the quantity. I have been oven roasting them for twenty minutes. It's weird. I've eaten cashews my whole life. Not this much though. I thought it might be all the garlic I've been using the last six weeks. Every lunch and dinner. Anyone have itch from garlic? Anyway, thank you all you cashew consumers, can't wait to see the results.

P.S. Bleeding from your penis??? Dude you gotta be kidding me. D-O-C-T-O-R, NOW my friend.

SamDamnit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

If the bleeding penis guy has not gone screaming in to the emergency room by now, he does not deserve to have a penis, much less reproduce. This is evolution at work, folks.
Sir SamDamnit!
The Prince of Poop

The Emir of Crapistan

Java the Butt's picture


Get it checked out by someone....if it's simply red (but unbearably itchy), pick up some cream called Clotrimaderm...its working wonders for me

The Grand Poopbah's picture

Itching assholes, dripping penii, what a site!
Seriously tho, is this supposed to be a joke or what?
To all who posted here....go see a doctor, maybe a whole team of them...if it's not something in your ass, it's something in your head

Anonymous: Cashew Culprit?'s picture

I really think the Cashew thing is 100%, for my particular case anyways. Sincere thanks to "Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 02.14.2006 " whoever you are. It's on Wiki and other internet resources as well.
There was a five pound tin of planters cashews at the super market we bought for my Dad as a joke because he loves nuts. So I must have eaten half the 'effin thing over the course of two to three days--this was like four weeks ago. I don't think I have Hemroids or Pinworms. No health insurance right now so I'm not going to see a doctor. This little forum helped!

Poepholitchy's picture

I want to thank you all. I'm battling with an itchy arsehole which I'm now certain is due to leaky, slimy piles! I've had such a giggle reading all your messages - it is so good to know there are dozens of arseholes just like mine! Laughter is the best medicine, they say, but I'm going to see a quack and will pass on his cure, if any!

BTW, isn't scratching the itch just orgasmically pleasurable!!? If only the sensation could be marketed... Perhaps we should all just relax and enjoy the scratching!

Moon Raker's picture

WOW!~ There actually is a site for all you ass diggers. NO seriously, MY boyfriend has the same problem. When he gets in bed at night he really let's his fingers do the walking. I feel like putting mittens on him so he can't scratch. He did go to the doctor though. He was told he has Psorasis and was given an cream called "Locoid" a form of hydrocortisone. Who would of thought...Anyways his asshole...looks like the first landing on the moon. Not kidding his doctor asked him if he had a rash on his elbow. He said no. Then my boyfriend asked me why he asked that. I told him he wanted to see if he liked it in the ass and maybe that was the problem, I dunno. Actually psorasis is very common on the elbows moreso then the butt. Anyways I myself have psorasis on my hands and when it flares up scratching is the worst/ best thing I can do. Worst cause I scratch till I bleed and best cause it feels like and orgasam. I yi yi! I feel your itch!

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