itchy ass crack

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Shecky asks:

For the last two months, my ass has been itching like crazy. I eat a lot of fiber in the form of Metamucil and whole wheat bread, so my turds are generally of a good consistency. I don't have hemmorhoids, and I would like to think that I don't have a parasite, but my ass still itches. It's not the o-ring that itches, but rather the area around it. It's almost like I have jock itch of the ass -- is that possible? I exercise a good bit, so it does get sweaty down there. Please help me, Poonurse!






Dear Schecky,

First, you know that I am going to tell you to get it checked out by a competent medical professional, right? It could be just an irritation, or it could be something as disgusting as pinworms or something. So see a doctor.

You COULD briefly try washing with a mild soap such as Ivory, letting the area dry well, wearing loose cotton underpants, not using premoistened wipes, and applying 1% hydrocortisone cream SPARINGLY to the itchy area twice a day. If these suggestions don't help within ten days or so, show your itching ass to a doctor.

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?

991 Comments on "itchy ass crack"

Yeasty Boy's picture

Say that, hypothetically, a dude had a chalky white type rash/discoloration eminating from his butt hole on one cheek, with occasional itching when sweaty. Anyone have idea what that might be?

Season's Greetings to you all!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I have both good and bad news for you Yeasty Boy, first the good news. The condition you describe is indicative of a disorder that will probably take your life within 24 hours. The bad news is I should have responded to your question yesterday.


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Dirty old men need love too!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Itchy and Scratchy's picture

When I have an itchy rim it's not funny, "butt" I have to laugh at myself anyway. The understatement of 2011 is to only say that rubbing alcohol burns a bit when coming in contact with your anus.

Relief...Finally!'s picture

If you have ruled out all obvious things (fungus, hemorrhoids, worms), then please try DIFLORASONE DIACETATE CREAM. Read on for my story!

I have suffered with extreme anal itching for years. I have tried every natural remedy and found them all to be totally useless. I have tried every anti-itch cream and found them to work for only about a half-hour. I have tried treatment for worms, but I don't have worms. I have tried hemorrhoid medicines and sometimes they helped just a little. I have tried anti-fungal meds and they didn't make a difference at all. I have tried switching soaps, eliminating soap, using wipes, not using wipes.

Then I remembered that I had this cream in my medicine cabinet that I got when I was a teenager. It was prescribed to me when I had some kind of allergic reaction on my lips. (Not herpes, but some kind of skin allergy.) I kept the cream all these years, for the lip thing would come back maybe once a year and it always helped.

So I put the cream on my butt and, instantly, it was cured. Instantly.

I used it every day for five days just to be sure, but I have now been itch-fre and cream-free for a month. It is like a miracle cure.

I still don;t know what exactly my problem was down there, nor does my doctor. But I don;t even care now that the cure has been found.

Try it, for real. I am so relieved I am posting this message wherever I can.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Well, I guess cutting my arms off three days ago wasn't a good choice.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I've had an itchy anus for about 7 years. Finally I have found something that works (I have been using it for a week and no itching!). TEA TREE OIL. Apply it in the morning and at night. You should be able to find it on the shelf at any chemist.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Thanks for the information AC, since you shop with a chemist I assume you live in the UK.

Tea Tree Oil has many uses and all you poop report readers in the USA can find it in both drug stores and usually in health food stores.


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Dirty old men need love too!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Mr. Dumpster Draw 's picture

Look, I ass that sweats out a clear liquid that smells exactly like starbucks coffee. I only have a cup of coffee once or twice a week, mostly during the weekends... I walked to wall-mart to cash my paycheck; as I was standing in line, the women behind me ask me," I didn't know they have a starbucks coffee around here...Say, where did get your coffee?" As I turned around to respond she looked surprised to see that I wasn't holding a cup of coffee. I replied, with a face red with embarrassment " I have have an itchy anus OK!"... Why would my itchy ass smell like Starbucks on a Wednesday, when I normally have coffee on Saturday... I wonder if anyone else has had these types of itchy-leaks, and perhaps we can title a blog or website and call it "Itchy-Leaks"

Anonymous Coward's picture

Well hmmm.... I too, have the majorly itchy arse. Thought is was mucus leakage from a hemorrhoid/fissure. I think differently now. Mine itched badly for a year or so but only in back, but it spread... leg creases and inner thighs. A google search showed me images of exactly what I have...Turns out it is simply Jock Itch. OTC anti fungal creams morning and night and a spray (tinactin.. morn, nite and after a wiping) is clearing it up. Slowly but surely the itch is decreasing. BTW both of these meds burn like fire for a few minutes, if the get on the o-ring itself, but leave me itch free for many hours. Well worth it. This is only one of several causes but if you think this might be your cause I hope I have helped get you some relief

Anonymous Coward's picture

I've battled with this problem on and off for quite some time and I supect the cause to be either hemorrhoids or anal fissure, which result in pruritus ani (itching). In either case, I can relate to most of you and am frustrated as to why they haven't come up with an effective all in one product. Most of the stuff I have tried does not effectively relieve the itching for extended periods of time. I have determined that the cleaner and drier you keep the area, the better. You also have to be very gentle when wiping and or scratching because this will worsen the condition. What has worked to keep dry and also control some itching is Zeasorb AF powder; it does not contain corn starch. If you need some added itch control, try a little bit of Extra Strength Benadryl Itch Stopping Cream or a similar generic. And go light on the application because I have found that most ointments make the area moist and this encourages bacteria, fungus and more itching. I have also found a website for Pruritus Ani Cure (PAC), and they claim a 96% cure rate; it costs $149.00 though. I'm wondering if anyone out there has tried it and what the results have been. I may give it a try in the near future if my present regime does not lead to long term relief. Good luck and happy scratching.

ass follower's picture

ahhhhhhhhhh ah ahah ah ah my ass my ass ahhhhahhh ahhh dont listen ahhh ahh to the ahhhhh robbing alchol AHHH GUY IT BURNS AHHHHHHHHHHH MY POOR BUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous Coward's picture

Omg, the horrors I have been through in the last year! Who knew it was so common. My ass has itched for several years, getting worse and worse. I was at the point where I could never sit still because if I wasn't distracted, the itch would drive me crazy! I had even tried alcohol, and suffering through the burn only gave me 15-20 min of relief. I finally figured out that I either had jock itch, or scratch dermatitis (scratching the itch leads to more scratching, etc. My crack was constantly wet from leaking, damaged skin.

At the advice of the AC above, I tried the tinactin powder spray. If it wasn't jock itch, at least the powder would help absorb some of the moisture. Well, after 2 days of no scratching very careful wiping (making sure to only clean the hole, what do you know, the itch is decreasing! I won't lie, the first day was pure torture. The itch kept me up till 3:30 a.m. Last night I gave myself a hefty dose of benedryl to knock me out. Today I've only wanted to scratch twice, and tonight in the shower, what I though was a permanent brown spot in my crack peeled off. For the first time in years, I have some hope that the itch will die!

Anonymous Deficator's picture

I have Chronic Itchy Bunghole. I am tired of presenting my chocolate-starfish to random physicians. I have leeky-booty. Weird, leeky-booty. I have good hygene habits and I shower/scrub my Exit-Only everyday. I have blood spots on my John Wayne paper (toilet paper that is Rough, Tough, and don't take shit off anyone. Also known as Chuck Norris paper) I't constantly smells fishy and purely disgusts me so much I almost consider super-gluing my ass-cheeks together after inserting a Tampon into my poop-shute. I am male, I am not homosexual nor have i ever had any anal penetration be it plastic or organic, I use hypoallergenic soap, lotramin seemed to help for a while but it came back. does this sound like HPV, Jock itch, or just UFO? (Unidentified Fartbox Oddity) ? HELP!!!!!!!!! Before I mix up the 2 toothbrushes I use >_e

Anonymous Ass Itcher's picture

You people are crazy...get some hydrocortizone, or go see a doctor, simple, save yourself some time and effort trying to keep yourself comfortable and figure out what the problem is

Anonymous Coward's picture

I posted recently about possibly trying out a product that claims a 96% cure rate. I'm into my third day on the products, and so far so good. The first day and a half, the itching was still intense and I ended up adding a product of my own, (Zeasorb AF powder), to help with keeping dry and minimizing the itching. The program is not that cheap, ($149 + shipping), but it'll be totally worth it if it solves this pain in the ass problem. The following is the link to this product; you guys may want to check it out at www.pruritusani.org. I'll keep everyone posted during my progress. As I mentioned before, for itch control, try the benadryl anti itch cream, (apply very little), and then follow up with the Zeasorb AF powder. And do your best to wipe gently and try not to scratch! If anyone has any other ideas, I'm all ears.

analinguist.mmm's picture

I suffer from asserious anal itching is it because me n my partner perform analinguist on eachother but is her tounge clean cause she licks me and I have itchy asshole and I lick her but she doesn't have anal itch .

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

analinguist.mmm, Has she stuck her tongue in your ear?, because something seems to have adversely effected the portion of your brain that controls coherent communication ability!


_______
Dirty old men need love too!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous Butt Pirate's picture

I don't know why but whenever I drink coffee my ass dries out worse than the Sahara Desert. I can't believe I found this website and I can write about my butt. This is so cool. I hate rough toilet paper. My butt needs to pampered with nothing but the finest toilet paper.

Raymond Conrad's picture

I had itches round that area for about two years. Kept as clean as a whistle. In the end I cured it within two days using athletes foot cream. Maybe it was a fungus?

Raymond Conrad's picture

This site is good for making one think about problems. I've noticed on me that the bum cheeks in the area around the end of the tail bone close together there, which would block the air. Is this common to us all? Anyway I am stuffing soft tissue there now to keep it open and dry. It doesn't slip as the cheeks hold it in. Fingers crossed.

muffy's picture

I found out that switching to alkaline foods does the trick. I was also breaking out in a rash in my armpits. You can google the list. I was eating mostly foods that didn't leave an alkaline ash and the bonus is that diseases like cancer can't survive if you eat mostly these foods. I had been to a dermatologist, have been a nurse for 30 years, and he looked at me like I was nuts. I don't care. He didn't help me. My body was too acidic and I had been under a lot of stress and had increased anxiety.

itchy crack dave the flave's picture

YALL NEED TO TRY WOMEN'S VAGINAL CREAM ON YOUR RECTUM, not sure for bloody rectums but if it has been itching occasionally for six years like mine has I recommend Miconazael 7 It's women's vaginal cream. Have your mom or your wife buy it for you, it works on both the penis and rectum.

#2856419's picture

Thanks a lot Dave. I took your advice and used Miconazael on my itchy asshole. My 400 pound cellmate, Bubba, became excited because it made my asshole smell like pussy. Now I am in the infirmary with a bleeding asshole!

Anonymous Coward's picture

I'm 13 and I've had pinworm 2 times. I am scared I have them again . I do not poop often, and I'm barely hungry. I don't know if they are symptoms but I'm scared. I woke up in the middle of the night two days ago and felt a slight itch , went to the bathroom to wipe( when I get itches there I wipe and it is usually poop not wiped) and saw a white ball on it, very small and it kind of had a tail like thing coming out. I made my mom check and she said there was nothing in there, but I think it's because I wiped and killed it or she didn't look long enough. I'm freaking out ! Please tell me if you think I have them, by the way that was the first time since last time I had them that I had a middle of the night itch. I keep my nails short and shower everyday, as well as washing my bedsheets every week and my clothes are washed after worn. I've avoided my friend who had them 4 times, and my friend who I was with for a sleepover the first time I ever had them without knowing. Please tell me I don't have them :( !!

Very Itcy But's picture

I have an itchy anus and it's really annoying.
It doesn't itch when I sit down but tonight I have to go somewhere where I will not be siting down and don't know what to do!
Please help me :(

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

VIB, Give in to your urges and scratch that hole, then you can have fun chasing people around with your stinky finger!


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How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Butt of the Joke's picture
l 100+ points

Lean against a wall and think of it as "vertical sitting".
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More people flush than they do wash their hands.

More people flush than they do wash their hands.

THE MIDNIGHT ASS TICKLER's picture

Hey fellow ass ticklers, I'm hot on a cure at the moment. Been a member of this elite band of brothers for six months now and can't stand it any more. Tried all kinds of stuff medicinal and herbal, narrowing it down through trial and error and sleepless nites. I'll keep you posted on results.
This site as helped alot thanx to u all, wen its cured we will be born again.

London England's picture

ive had an anal itch for 3 years then suddenly it stopped for 7 months i was like hooray, then 7 months later it came back and stayed for 5 months then left me and its been 2 months since ive been itch free now and 1 thing i noticed before it dissapeared this time was that i had an upset stomach ( not diarrea ) and i had dumped in the toilet 5 times within 24 hours and the itch went away, ive had prune juice in the past but thats never helped the itch to go.

I think its definatly in the stomach because of what we eat, go on a high bran diet diet with plenty of water fora couple of days so you do some solid dumps and empty out your complete system of crap ( avoid prune juice its make itch worse because of all that hot water pouring out your rear ). i had leaky but syndrome and its all gone, mark my words HIGH BRAN PLENTY WATER EMPTY YOUT SYSTEM AND AVOID PROCESSED FOODS FOR 1 WEEK

Oh la ha's picture

Most of you are experiencing yeast. Yes, you guys can get yeast! Oral performed on a woman can land you with yeast, as well as many other ways. Go buy some Monistat at Cvs and apply externally in the area. Must do this twice a day for 5-10 days, also yogurt can be put there, plain with active clutures, or you can eat it as well. The other big problem is shampoo conditioner and soap going in there While you take a shower, no one shoves their towel up their ass. Try using a gentle cloth and dry there after showering, also make sure you wash all the buildup out. Ever heard of soap scum? Just imagine... There's bug buildup in your butt crack.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Bug buildup in the butt crack? Now that is scary! I suppose we guys get cockroaches but what about the girls? Koochroaches?


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How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

I guess I'd be screaming Oh la ha! if I had a bug buildup in my ass crack. I was just wondering how long the yogurt plastering needs to cover your balls before you can scrape it off and eat it? Do you recommend adding fruit?

Anonymous Coward's picture

Wipe with 60 grit sandpaper.

Booms's picture

I have to share this with my fellow itchy-ass victims. I had a dreadful time for a year every time I walked more than 10 minutes... Like somebody was holding a feather up my bum and tickling away. Scratching only made it worse and it would burn and itch until I got to my destination and sat down.

I have a naturally irritable bowel and have loose BMs every morning which require a fair amount of cleaning up. I don't think I'm ever going to get rid of that but I can live with it. The itchy ass was the thing I couldn't bear.

However... I am now cured. The solution: a toilet hose, shitaff, Muslim shower, bum hose, whatever you want to call it. I discovered it when on holiday in Vietnam and I ordered one on eBay to be there when I got home. Basically, the rubbing of the toilet paper was causing the itch. Now I am paper free and itch free!

I hope this helps people. I spent a lot of time googling this and reading about yeast and spicy foods and milk products, but this was all I needed to do. Stop scrubbing and start hosing!

Lynn's picture

I have suffered from this for over 15 years and seen many doctors. To many a long story short, I had many tests and saw many more doctors but I was determined to put an end to embarrassing situations and interrupted sleep. Finally, I found help through a dermatologist who prescribed an ointment called "Nystatin and Triamcinolone Acetonide". One application and relief!!! Its been over a year now and I just use it when the itching starts. Please do not have a "punch biopsy" done ~ its very painful and won't help. I hope this helps ~ good luck.

Glennpiper's picture

This isn't a funny problem and I'm sure a lot of people get this problem but don't say anything out of embarrassment. I've had an ass itch for about a week now, what I did was, I realised it was my work's loo-roll not being of high quality and so I didn't wipe my ass to perfection which in the end caused it to itch.
Most of your problems could just be this in which case just go in the shower, rub soap in your ass crack gently, keep on doing it for 5 mins so your butt is perfectly clean. My itching stopped straight away then. I think most of the problems all come down to personal hygiene, it's so important to keep your body clean all the time. This is my advice guys.

crap scratcher's picture

my crap hole itched ever since i was born! Its driving me crazy! Id love to put my head in someones butt hole right now! whos offering???

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

crap scratcher, Your anal itch seems to have destroyed a major portion of your brain. Your cerebral cortex is terribly dysfunctional if you think sticking your head up someone's anus will cure your itch. Have you by any chance had a lobotomy?


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How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Crap scratcher, you have it all wrong. You need to have someone put their head up YOUR butt hole. Preferably some one who looks like Link from the Mod Squad. Like a giant bottle washer, he should get rid of the itch.

Chief's head would be of no use to you though.

Frank2401's picture
l 100+ points

To get rid of this itch once and for all,
first shower, wash then dry bottom with towel.
Next apply Degree "men" adrenaline cool rush invisible stick anti-perspirent& deodorant to bottom and up anal area. Apply Tinactin powder with deodorant wich may leave a slight pasty feeling but that is o.k.
Get dressed and try not to sit the rest of the day.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

I'd like to see John Madden do a "tough actin' Tinactin" commercial with that particular use in mind Frank.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Cake your asshole with raw salt. Just pour it on while you lay on your stomach and let it burn for an hour. This will literally cure your ass, all the itch will die. Use alot of salt for immediate relief. It really hurts but it's worth it just be ready to run to the shower when u can't take it

Greg from Walla Walla's picture

I stopped eating cashews! Dont believe me? Google "cashew itch". The oils from the shell of the cashew is related to poison ivy! I gave up the cashews and walla! Less and less itching. Hope this will help some of you.

Anonymous's picture

how could you love something like that are you crazy this is disgusting and scary... you got issues this is absolute nightmare i can't imagine. i don;t like for one bit it scares me and worried me.

Anonymous's picture

tell your parents it is important to always tell someone your problems especially your parents, they are your parents that's why they here for is to protect and help you. I've told my parents about me having worms and tickling in my anus they encouraged me... my mom have worms when she was a kid and still do,she is very calm about it, she actually tells me it is going to be alright. I have that experience also when I was a child, i was taking a shower and as i was washing myself i felt something weird and i ave my take a look to see what was down there and there it was a worm hangout my butt and my brother started screaming there is a snake in my butt and he called my mom and dad. i was terrified when he said that i stood frozen in fear waiting for my mom and dad to arrive and help me, and they slowly pulled that disgusting out it was long too, it felt nasty when they did it like a cord being pulled out of your butt. it was a terrifying experience for as a child and still is today because i still have them, i'm 20 yrs old now sometimes i'm even afraid to poo because i don't want relive that experience again, but i have no choice. man i hate that the fact that parasites making a living inside us. you should also tell your parents about it so that they take you to see a doctor they will give you medicine to flush and poo them out. scary, scary. Anyway you are not alone lots of people go through this some don't like brother lucky him but some do like me and my mom.... hope this help :-)

Anonymous's picture

You may have been corn-holed while under anesthesia.

Anonymous's picture

I usEd rubbing alcohol on my ass rash and hemiroids and it is helping more than any thing else I've ever tried. Yea it hurts butt it's a kinda hurts soooo good feeling and it stops the itching too. I think it drys out the swamp ass so it can heal it self. I'm in south Texas where it's over 100 degrees out every day and I wear denim every day so heat is definitely the root of my ass evil. I've noticed the butt crack problem isn't as bad in wenter and what a nice month and a half wenter is... Can't wait

Anonymous's picture

Candida Albicans causes itching in the genital area, which includes the anus as well. If its not hemorhoids, then you should check yourself for Candida. It can grow in the vagina, around the genital area, around the anus, as well as inside the intestines.

Anonymous's picture

That my friend is mucus.
Mucus in the stool is a common symptom of irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) and ulcerative colitis, and is seen to a lesser degree in Crohn's disease. A bacterial infection, anal fissure, or a bowel obstruction may also cause the passage of mucus along with stool.

The mucus in my stool is how I discovered I have IBS

Anonymous's picture

Try the Futuristic Chinese method of Flushing BEFORE and AFTER you wipe your ass...it helps prevent toilet clogs. If the toilet clogs after second flush then at least it won't get as much shit everywhere!

Remember, Flush BEFORE and AFTER your scrub your anus with your toilet-clogging Charman!

I discovered this method and have never had a clog since. I have been sharing this with all my friends and family members. It's funny, but very real information!

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