itchy itchy itchy
Winnie the Poo asks:
Since about twenty days ago, I've had this weird sweaty-burning sensation in my butthole all day long, and the itching is killing me (scratching 24/7 is not nice...). Please tell me -- am I going to die?? What did I do to deserve this? And most of all, how can I get rid of it?
First of all, relax. An itchy bunghole is rarely fatal, unless you resort to extremes such as using a blowtorch or power sander.
You can first try simple measures, such as using gentle baby wipes to clean the area after each visit to the bathroom; wearing old lady cotton underpants (or loose cotton jockeys if you are a guy, which I hope you aren't if you are signing yourself Winnie the Poo); and using (sparingly) baby cornstarch in the area.
If these things don't help, go see a doctor. You might have yeast or something down there.
Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.
Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.
Got a question for her?