my kid refuses to go

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j 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Dottie asks:

My eleven-year-old son has destroyed countless pairs of underwear because he will not poop when he has to. He will only go at home if we threaten him or tell him he will get ice cream if he goes! He says that he is bored, or he doesn't want to miss his favorite TV show, or Ihe doesn't have to poop everyday!!! His underwear tells me different. His belly is usually hard and sticking out. We have tried to use laxatives and stool softner. When he does poop, it's much too large to come out of my kid! I tell him he will get sick by not pooping. Is this a phase?? Will he really get sick??





Dear Dottie,

An eleven-year-old with the behaviours you describe has problems far worse than just boredom.

Get him to a pediatric gastroenterologist to discuss bowel retraining. Then have him evaluated to see if there is any behavioural techniques a pediatric mental health professional can help you with.

This is not normal behaviour for an eleven-year-old. And you shouldn't be having to get this involved with his stool at this age. Please take him to be seen and get him some help. Good luck, and thanks for asking Poonurse!

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?

73 Comments on "my kid refuses to go"

charity's picture

My son is nine years old and still ruins his underwear with little squirts and sometimes entire movements of poop. When we ask him why he can't make it to the bathroom, he says that he'll be doing something and it just starts coming out too fast for him to get to the bathroom in time. He has been doing this continuously since he was potty trained. He hates going to the bathroom in public places and will sometimes just poop in his pants if he thinks a bathroom is too "yucky". We are pulling our hair out trying to figure out how to cure this problem. Help!

Charity

mom's picture

my daughter has this problem, she's 12 years old and she poops maybe once a month. we gave her an enema once, but she was traumatized. she is constantly using laxatives and sometimes you can hear her screaming from the bathroom when she doesnt. once i had to go in there [remember she is 12] and i had to squeeze her abdomen while she pushed. it didnt work

parent's picture

my son is 14 and hasnt pooped for almost 2 months. we took him to the doctor and he just told us to give him a fleets enema. i bought it, but i am way too grossed out to give it to him, and he wont let his dad or anyone else give it to him. the doctor told us that he doesnt want him to give the enema to himself, he might misuse it. i arranged an appointment with his doctor to give him a 2 quart enema at his office, but my son simply refused to go, and i had to cancel. HELP!

connie's picture

There is real good information regarding older children and bowel constipation problems. Try Doctor Scotts Question & Answers public email
doctorscotts@yahoo.com Worked for us.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Try giving your children Metamucil products. There are a variety to try-- some come in tablets, others in powders to mix with water, and others are bars. This will keep them regular, and will therefore encourage them to pass a bowel movement at home.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Good point anonymous coward person. I had to use Metamucil with my daughter for over a year due to problems with pooping, and it was a wonder. There's also this stuff called Cholase that the hospital can give your child in a prescription. It's probably like corn syrup or something.
Both worked very well......hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

DEb's picture

My 13 year old child, is constipated , and she said when she pushes it hurts very bad and she cant do it , and it is making her feel like she is going to vomit if she doesnt go , she said but it hurts so bad that she cannot go . how can she go fast with less pain doc?

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Either this kid from the letter is mentally retarded or has serious psychological issues. Has he undergone any sexual abuse? You might look into this.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Anonymous Coward's picture

my daughter is 12 years old and she poops 1-2 times every 2 months. she is constantly using laxatives and they don't really work. she refuses to use enemas..we gave her one once at the age of five because she was constipated and she was traumatized. she screams when she poops because they can get 2-3 inches wide, and up to 15 inches long! i once tried to give her a suppository at age 7, and i managed to slip it into her rectum. it worked, and i repeated the procedure maybe two more times, using my fingers to shove these oversized rectal pills into her butt. soon she rebelled against this..unsuprisingly. now she slathers her anus with lubricant and uses laxatives, but wont allow anything into her body through her butt. it's a problem. but i just wanted to let you know.

Amy's picture

When i was a kid, i wouldn't poop either. My mom first spanked me a lot, because i would poop in my panties in the car a lot. She then decided to give me enemas and put me in diapers. That really got me going becuase the enemas i couldnt hold, and the diapers made my bottom look really big and awkward, and it was embarrassing. So I started going and she stopped diapering me, but then i stopped going again, so she would use ginger root stuff on me. Basically she would make a little somewhat rod like ball out of ginger root, bend me over and ram that thing up my butt hole. She would hold it there and slap my right buttcheek/thigh until i started trying to push it out with my anus muscles, and when i did she would pull it out and i couldn't stop, so i would just poop and poop. then she'd usually spank me or put the gnger root in me several times and make me keep it in or poop it out on demand as practice and punishment. now my BF does that job... but he doesnt do it as punishment.

Anonymous Ace's picture

You people are fucked up... seriously.

Carol's picture

Hello,
My four year old son has problems going to the bathroom. Everytime he poops he clogs the toilet...thats before the toilet paper. The poop is so big and they hurt him so much. He goes every 4 days or so. We eat good and keep him hydrated. This just seems so unnatural. I honestly can say Ive never seened poop this wide in my life. Ive been to the doctor for his physcial and stuff..I somehow keep forgetting about this (Ihave 3 small kids)...Please help..I don't want him to go to the doctor if he doesnt have to..do you have any possibilities of what this might be?

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

You might calling the doctor; you might not need to take him in, yet.

My kids' pediatrician's office will take phone calls; there's a PA and an NP, and if they can't answer the question, they'll ask the doc and call back.

There's got to be something that he can eat or drink to make his poops more frequent (and smaller!)

Good luck!

Raggedmama's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Amy: interesting post. I never considered using a ginger root suppository as a laxative before - I always thought it was just used for punishment, because of the intense burning sensation it induces. For that reason I've never taken one and never given one to my daughter (although I am an advocate of the soap-stick suppository). Now I'm thinking I should try this - where do you get the ginger root from?

Kasey's picture

My daughter is 15. She has ADHD and depression, and also has bowel problems. She has had trouble since she was little. Shes really embarassed by this. I t takes her up to 3 hours to poop, and it comes in little pellets. Ill hear her crying from her bathroom and sometimes (even though she doesnt want this) Ill have to go in there and comfort her. Shes always straining, and I helped her keep a stool diary for the doctor. Shes also really depressed beacause of this, and feels she wil l never be "normal" I reassure her that its a very common problem, but it never helps. Shes embarassed that it hurts so bad she needs her mommy to come in and sit with her. I hate to see my child in so much pain. When she was 8, she soiled the bed alot. She got older and started actully using the toilet. When she was 11, She started bleeding due to constipation and anal fissures. Shes afraid to give herself a suppository and Ive tried for her........but we cant do it often. Its so diffrent from when she was little now. In 3 years, shes gonna be an adult.............. I really dont know how to help her. Advice?

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Kasey, keep taking her to the doctor and get her a good counselor.

And buy Metamucil. Try to get a prescription for Cholase. I can't believe her doctor doesn't have her on it already. Does the doc hear from you, too?

If she keeps up on fibers and water, it will help.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

fartqueen's picture
m 1+ points - Newb


_maybe he has a real fear of the brown stuff?poor kid...______
fartqueen

Kasey's picture

thanks:)

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Kasey, I almost forgot. If you can get your child to eat prunes or drink drinks that you've put some prune juice in, she'll be more likely to dump it out.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Kasey's picture

She drinks apple juice, which helps a little bit, but ill buy prunes. Im gonna ask her doctor about the cholase stuff, and im looking for a counselor. Gawd, im so stressed about this all. im the single mother of 5 girls-Alyssa is 19, Heather is 15, Kirsten is 10,Mariah is 7, and Jolie is 2. Giving Heather all this extra attention has really taken toll on my younger ones-- thats why im hoping we can just deal with this and move on with our lives.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

I hope everything will be alright. If you're lucky, cholase or milk of magnesia will be something that you can get on prescription and have covered by your insurance. Every little bit helps.

Exercise also helps quite a bit to get things working, but if she's depressed, she might not want to do anything. Keep up abreast of how you guys are!


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Kasey's picture

Thanks for the support. Yeah, she is depressed, but i think exersize is a good idea. She goes to the dr. tommorow so I should be able to ask about the meds.

Anonymous Coward's picture

If you don't have enough magnesium in your diet you will get constipated. American diet is nearly always very short on magnesium. Most multivitamins contain little or none of it.
Digestive enzyme pills from the health food store can also really help move things along.

Anonymous Coward's picture

All of you, take your kids to a doctor!
Fecal impaction, anal fissures and worse
can result from chronic constipation of the
kind you describe. If you explain this,
(include all the gory details), maybe they
will let you take them.

Anonymous Coward's picture

New stuff out that you can get over the counter called Miralax. You can google it to read more. It WILL help. You can use it daily (my doctor told me to use it daily) and it will not cause dependency. Helped me a lot. I feel normal now.

To the original poster - sounds like your kid has some mental issues. Get him to a doctor asap.

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points

First, anyone with this condidtion needs medical attention, or they will evenually become impacted and develop chronic constipation. Second, it sound like the kid in this letter certainly has some sort of emotional problems.

Any parent with a child that has this condition. It is going to take lots of support, understanding, and patience to break the child of this behavior. Outside intervention is also a neccesity. But beware! most professionals will automatically blame the parents for the problem.

It is entirely possible that repeated mental, physical, or sexual abuse from outside of the home can cause a child to behave like this.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

TONY BOCHE's picture

HI, I HAVE A 4 YEAR OLD THAT IS HOLDING HIS POOP IN.I USED TO GIVE HIM SUPPOSITORIES,BUT HE RUNS WHEN I TRY TO GIVE THEM TO HIM NOW.He hold in sometimes for like a week.What other type of laxative you think is good for a 4 yr old?And how common is this in kids & is it normal?Is it hereditary,because i think i used to do it too. any info appreciated thank you.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

My parents used to play a game to make me eat (I pooped like a race horse) when I was little. They would make like the spoon was an airplane, and my mouth was the hanger. It worked. You might try something similar, only the plane can be on a bombing run or something.

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points

A bombing run?! We dont want to teach the kid turd terrorism at such a young age do we prairie!
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

hey tony, you should probably take him to a doctor. are you sure he's holding it in? or is it possible he's constipated? i think it probably makes a difference, since one is behavioral and the other is physical.

by the way, i don't blame him for running away from suppositories. they probably make laxatives for kids. i wouldn't give him anything made for adults. in fact, you probably shouldn't give him anything at all until you talk to a doctor and/or determine whether his problem is behavioral or physical.
_______
i love poop.

i love poop.

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points


PD, great idea, the hole 'spoon is a plane' thing worked for me. As a variation though, when I stayed over at my Gran's, she used to say 'the spoon is a train' (entering a tunnel), surely, the eventual result would be that the train came out of the other end of the tunnel, plop!

_______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Fortunately (probably) my grandma wasn't alive when I was born. Knowing the little bastard that I was, I probably would have pulled my diaper down, bent over and said "how 'bout this tunnel grandma"

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points


Strange place to stick a spoon though eh?

_______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

tony, you can hide about an ounce of prune juice in a glass of apple juice, and the kid will never know. Prune juice helps a great deal.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Raggedmama's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Tony, I believe the suppositories are the least harmful/most convenient and fast-acting remedy out there. I know how tough it is trying to give them to a kid who's putting up a fight - we've all been that kid, after all - but it's something we have to get on with.
Don't give him a chance to panic and struggle against it - just put him over your lap and do him, save your consoling and explaining for when it's all over. He needs this to help him do a smelly - and it'll make him do a big one in minutes!

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Raggedmama wrote : "just put him over your lap and do him,"

Don't know about the rest of you, but that particular phrase frightens me.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points


BP, damn straight! The last time I was 'done' over a knee, It cost me 50 quid!!!! That worried me greatly, I'm sure I could have got it for 20!

_______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

What were you doing with 50 squid? Oh shit, sorry...dust on my glasses...never mind.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Miche's picture

How about simmering ginger root in milk will that work as a laxative or do actually have to put it in the anus? Try using a chive the long green onions,that works for real.. Place it a bout half an inch in the anus wait about 2-5 min and there it goes!!

Raggedmama's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

A lot of people have recommended that "putting a chive up the poopchute" method but I've never tried it. Is it a strong irritant, or does it draw fluid into the bowel, or what? I need to know before I try it on myself ('cause I won't ever give it to my daughter if I don't know how it works!)

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Raggedymomma, it was a typo. You are supposed to shove a hive up the pooperchute. Believe me once those bees get agitated you'll be pooping your lungs.

Anonymous Coward's picture

A great natural laxative is coconut water. Kids will like it, it's tasty and very healthy, they don't need to know the last part.

http://www.cocotap.com/nutrition.htm

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I have heard this before somewhere. Coconut actually has a lot of health benefits.

It would be a great natural laxative for me, too. I have an anaphylactic allergy to coconut, and I've heard we all evacuate when we die.

_______
I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

FacultyPoe's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

At the age of eleven, this kid is refusing to shit?
Sounds like a future serial killer to me--smack him upside the head and give him a good reason to shit his pants even more. Then maybe he'll take his business to the toilet, the little weirdo.

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Why in the hell are you even trying to deal with this on your own? See a doctor, there is either something physically or mentally wrong here.
_______
Oops I did it again, I shit when I fart, I crapped in my pants.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Anonamama's picture

i honestly feared i was the only parent dealing with this in a child. my 14 year old son has had some serious retention and large poop problems... and don't get me started on the ruined underwear.
thanks for a place to ask these questions. the stress is understood. i'm damn near ready to cry with relief here.
i will try the suggestions listed here.

brianna's picture

A girl that I work with is having problems getting her son to go to the bathroom. Now most of the posts that I read are talking about enemas and laxitives. The only problem is her son is 20 years old. Yeah I know , tell me about it. I've gone through this problem in my life til I was about 15(I'm much older now) and that is why she came to me wondering what to do. It's almost been about 2 weeks since he's gone and is not eating much (can you blame him) I don't know about everyone else but when I went 3 weeks without going at the age of nine I threw up something that looked like poop and that didn't make me change my ways. Anyways so I've googled the hell out of this ? and can't find any answers. Someone, anyone how do you make your 20 year old son go to the bathroom?

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

Perhaps, go with pull ups until he figures out it is better to go on your own time pulling your own drawers down.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Plz no sexual themes i read some comments ¬¬ about that...
Okay hmmm i´m 21 years old and only once a month i go to bathroom now i go every day but once how i change a month for a day?
i say goodbye to all-week junk food only i say hi on weekend i say hello to water and goodbye to soda i eat vegetables and fruits
what i mean is to EAT HEALTHYYYYYYY and you will poop like heaven yeah you will see angels in the bathroom or if you ated spicy you will see demons hahaha EAT HEALTHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

medic57's picture

Eleven

Shove a nozzle up his butt, fill him full of soapy water, trust me, he'll poop.

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