Actually, holding in a fart makes it come out the other direction as a burp so don't worry.

Excuse me for my rudeness,
it wasn't very smart-
If it came out the other end
it would have been a fart.

Everybody knows that if you hold in all your farts, you'll spontaneously combust. It happened on South Park, so it must be true. Duh.

Besides, if you held in your farts, you couldn't stink out your friends, and what fun would that be?

Seriously, farting is a normal bodily function and holding back is going against nature and that can't be good, can it?

I have to agree with you Doniker. Farting is natural, farting is fun. Farting is best when it's done on one...'s head! lol

Farting is good for you!!! Let em rip! I don't care how much they stink, I just let em' rip hehe

Here are some little-know fart facts:

(1) Everyone farts frequently.

(2) Some people fart consciously, and this is totally natural.

(3) Some people attempt to hold back their farts, and this is totally unnatural and against the laws of God.

(4) In a recent contract negotiation between Humanity and God, the Pope, on behalf of Mankind, agreed to install broadcast towers on Roman Catholic-owned properties worldwide. The antenae on the towers broadcasts a signal at a specific frequency commonly known as "the Brown Frequency" because it does two things:

(a) Makes humans emit flatulence involuntarily
(b) Prevents shameful farters from realizing they have just farted.

(5) Flatulence is raising global temperatures.

(6) As global temperatures rise, the ice caps melt.

(7) As the ice caps melt, the sea level rises.

We are farting ourselves into extinction as a species.

Go with AB2K on this one. Read your South Park scripture in the Book of Kenny. "Thou shalt fart. If thoust not fart than thy shall explode in flames."

Farting is fun. Live a little!

Yeah, you have to fart.
If you are somplace where it would be embarassing, squeeze your cheeks together, open a door, point your butt out, and rip a huge fart!

when I fart, the smell never leaves me...no matter how much I shower or spray perfume. I hate this!

I was thinking about using a gas prevention product like Beano or whatever that other thing is called (u know, the guy in the hot tub with two girls who gets gas and runs out to use the product comes back only to find old ladies replaced the other women). I also want a bidet but since I'm 17 I don't think I can afford one just yet. I've talked to my dad about this problem but he thinks I don't wipe my butt well enough which isn't true! Nothing has worked.

by the way...that scene I mentioned about the guy in the hot tub was from a commercial that used to come on all the time. I just can't remember what the stupid product is called. Can someone help meeeeeeeeeee

There is no helping you. Your situation is however, hilarious.

Actually... that commercial you were referring to (the guy in the hot tub that sells paper) was for Imodium A-D.

Any of you happen to see the one where some (not-too-good-looking) chick in a music store is trying to turn on some guy by dancing sluttily, and suddenly has to do the green apple shuffle? (and comes back to find some other guy?) It's HILARIOUS!

I've seen that one Jason.

YOUR SITE IS GREAT....IT'S ABOUT TIME SCAT BRATS HAD A SITE OF THEIR OWN!

farts are social

I love farting, it makes me feel really good.

i fart on the shameless shitter lol

Farting is God's humor. Farting is beautiful and is great for the ozone.

I don't care what it smells like. Farts are necessary. You just feel satisfied when its over- like a mini-poop when you were least expecting it. An air poop, if you will.

I like squeezing out a silent fart on the elevator. It's very amusing--especially to fart on it right before your floor, so you don't have to suffer the odor yourself. ;)

Actually, besides the gas build up and pain you'll experience, it doesn't matter of you hold back your farts.
EVERYONE farts in their sleep, whether they like it or not.

i just wish everyone could fart together... all in one big room... just a combobulation of all different aromas, noises, and volumes. It would be like a Terd Orchestra!

What if everyone farted at once?

WHEN I FART IT'S LOUD AND I HAVE PAIN IN MY STOMACH

The word "fart" is not in spellcheck!
What's up with that??

This video will convince you that it's better to let it out, no matter the social setting. An infrared film of a guy farting. Amazing.

that video is totally fake. try lighting a fart through your jeans, it doesnt work. it doesnt come out thru the pants like that.

Alrighty- i have no problem with letting a rip at home, but school is a completely different situation- i hold it in until i get access to a bathroom.
Why? Because it is publically not acceptable for a girl to fart!
Guys get the royal treatment if they do- a laugh and a cheer- and they out do eachother- then it is forgotten at my school!
But i am a girl- which means laugh- digust and public humiliation for the next two weeks!
Sometimes i was so embarresed to admitt that i needed to pollute fresh air, that i actually said that i felt like i was going to vomit and ran out of the classroom!
also- girls go to the bathroom with eachother, waiting outside the cubical- so i can't even let a rip there!!!
And holding it in is painful! sometimes your tummy growls as you try to hold it in! sometimes you go through a great deal of agony trying to hold it, only for it to come out anyway which = humilation.
Please help! are there any foods that don't make you fart!? because, holding it in makes you sick! But letting it out brands you for weeks at my school!

I think it's pretty normal to fart, anyway don't hold it in !

I don't even know when I fart, like I could just be standing around and everyone is like "Wow what is that smell?" and then I'm like oh crap, I didn't even feel that one come out, but I know that it is me because I smell the same thing in the car all the time. What is wrong with me??????

I fart all the time. It's good for you.

Why is it considered OK for a guy to fart in public but not a girl? Seems kind of like a double standard to me.

Girls- go ahead and let it rip. It's a natural bodily function.

When holding in a fart, it will constantly persist in trying to leave the body. ANyone doing so will experience short uncomfortable moments (especially when around people), when these moments occur, if you manage to hold it in, the gas will then migrate back up into your body until it decides to try to leave again (which is usually very soon after). What you might find is that when you go to the toilet for a poo, you will experience very loud farts that finally escape, this is the gas that you have been trying to keep in for so long. My opinion is that holding in farts will not have a serious effect, and the sparing of embarrasment far outweighs letting it out whenever you're with people. However, I think that it is vital that gas leaves the body. Don't deliberatley hold it in when it's not necessary as it could result in long-term unknown ilnesses/ass problems.
P.S there should be a remake of a budwizer advert "REAL MEN OF GENIUS.... Mr. Stong-Ass Fart Holder Inn-errrr"

As for foods that makes you less gassy, try eating all kind of rice-products, get enough yoghurt/yakult/lactic acid bacteria, thinly sliced and lean meat, fish, seafood canned fruits, etc. The key is basing your diet primarily on rice.

And stay away from wheat products, pasta, beef, most fresh fruits and veggies, especially beans, apples, bananas and cabbages, potatoes, sugar, soda, fast food, and fatty food.

The first days you will experience getting the runs, but your body will adjust gradually. Doing this will not only reduce your amount of farts from about 20 a day to 3 a day, but it will also make you thin and beautiful. Like me.
^-^

Thin or not, I'd never in a million years suggest avoiding fresh fruit as part of a healthy diet.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Good God!
Why on Earth would anyone want to purposely eat foods that reduce farts?
To me, there are very few things in life as satisfying as a good, rich fart.
...and for some reason, fried onion does it best for me !!!!!!!!!!

BM, do you have "Outback" steakhouses in Aussie land? If so, order and consume a blooming onion. I want to see if we can hear the blast here in the US.

This is freaky.
I'd never heard of this chain until now, and so I Googled it, and bugger me, theres one just a few miles away.
Thats where we're going tonight for Mullets Day, oops, I mean Mother's Day.
BTW, heres a limerick:

There once was a man from Rangoon
Whose farts could be heard on the Moon
When you least would expect 'em
They'd rush from his rectum
With a roar like a double-bassoon.

Heres another one:

There once was a man from New Delhi
Awoke with a pain in his belly
And to cure it, 'tis said
He shat in his bed
And his sheets were uncommonly smelly.

Daphne, I have found that strawberries increase the fart power and cause more frequent gas. I have been chowing down on strawberries (which are in season) and my gas is wonderful! I love it! However, things like apples and pears seem to reduce the gas and are very disappointing.

_______
Born right the first time.

Little known fart lore from my late maternal granny;

Farts that are very loud have gained there power by the simple process of going around any log that may be lurking in your rectum.
The infamous SBD
(silent but deadly) traverses a course that takes it straight through the impending bowel movement. This kills a majority of it's audibility
but adds tremendously to the stench factor.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

George Carlin talked about farting in a couple of monologues, "Cute Little Farts", from Occupation:Foole, and "A Few More Farts" from Toledo Window Box. This question made me think of the latter monologue... "Let's just say this one guy all through his life, accidentally had a perfect diet... he never farted... he was thirty-five... and then one day... POOF! 'Whooooooooooooa! The air is coming outa me!' (with audience laughter)"

He's also talked about pooping at various times, like in his first book, "Brain Droppings" in something called "Short Takes"... "Did you know that the only two things that can be found legally obscene in this country are sex and excretion? Not violence, not neglect, nor abuse of humans. Only shitting and fucking... two of nature's most necessary functions and irresistable forces. We're always trying to control and subvert nature, even in our language. Fuck that shit!".

May not be unhealthy, but it can be painful.

I am 14 yrs old, I go to school and in class I fart... alot they arnt only loud but they REAK!! one time I got sent out of class... my buddy says just keep farting but people say its disgusting... I no I shouldnt listen to what others say and I hate ppl for telling me off. but should I let em rip all whenver I got too?

When you're about to fart try to raise it up to your head (by breathing in) and raise your eyebrows at the same time making wrinkles on your head. Try and hold your poop too as long as you can handle. I've done this before, I've watched tv and say something mentally in my mind and some people in the TV would hear or notice something I've done this on the radio too and also worked on people near me. I lost this though because I stoppped doing it for awhile now I'm doing it again and starting over. I have injection shots that prevents me from doing this but I still can do it a little. I know people that do these stuff so If u don't wanna do it then don't I'm not forcing you just keep on farting then lol.

Holding, you're really Teddy in disguise, aren't you, you fucker?!?!?! GET OUT OF MY SKULL!!!!!
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

As grandmom used to say better OUT than IN and she lived to the ripe old age of 91. My other grandmother used to let them rip too and she also lived to be in her 90's without any major complications. God Bless you both grandmoms you were the BEST!
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

Farting in the classroom can be both disruptive and very funny. I had a student this past year who would drink a carbonated soft drink at lunch; then, by the time my class with him rolled around, he was ready to let go. This happened numerous times, most quite audibly, to the mixed horror and delight of (especially) the girls. I was not delighted with his farts, but they certainly kept people awake.

For my own farts, I exercise such discretion as I can, at least trying not to make them obvious while in company; mostly I succeed. I have never deliberately farted in another's presence. In a public bathroom, of course, I let go, nor do I try to conceal the poo-plops.

I thought I had enough to worry about already but alas, I was wrong. Life is fraught with perils we little consider. In these perilous times annihilation in a nuclear holocaust, being stung to death by invading killer bees or being beheaded by scimitar wielding Muslim fanatics have taken a back seat to a major new threat.

I was innocently surfing the web when I happened upon a site called "Answer Bag
UK". To my great horror I found that the average human being passes 35,815 liters of gas in a lifetime of 75 years. I feel certain, as does my wife, that I exceeded my allotted quota years ago.

Does this mean that the essence of life may depart my body through my sphincter with my next fart? Will my lifeless body be discovered lying there in a cloud of fermented bean and boiled onion gas? Will corned beef and cabbage be my ultimate undoing? Will I try to lengthen the little time remaining to me by holding in my farts and explode inadvertently from internal pressure and die anyway?

Maybe.....just maybe.......I will be allowed to fill in my wife's quota also. We have been married 45 years and I have heard her fart twice. Once doesn't really count because it was immediately after a colonoscopy. The only other time was in the middle of the night and I gleefully awakened her so she might be informed. For some reason this pissed her off. If I get her quota I may be happily offending nostrils for another forty or fifty years.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Chief, you might want to run this by Al Gore for his input on your output. Perhaps as he has us exchanging carbon credits, you might be allowed to exchange methane credits with the missus. Good luck in your quest.

For greater things in life you have to delay gratification.
Once I delayed my farting an entire morning, when I farted at dinner it was one of the best farts of my life!
It was big and voluptuous and came out with no effort.

Farting... I love faring. It's am amazing feeling. The vibration... and the smell... the fact that you made it just makes you feel better about yourself.

Epitath on old b gravestone
"wherever you be,
let your wind go free,
for holding it in,
caused the death of me"

when I'm in class i let it out very very slow and silent, then I stay seated for the entire period so it doesnt smell cause mines always smells most of the time but at i home i force it to come out really fast and i make it loud lol but it feels good

Depends on whether you're the farter or the fartee.

Mr. poopapalloza is jealous of my farts!
I fart without dignity dammit.