periods and pooing
The Shit Volcano asks:
Here's strictly a girl question. My poo is normally well-behaved (except when I get a million wiper), and comes out just like it's supposed to without a problem... until that time of the month.
During my period the poo is soft and squishy. It gets all over my asscheeks. I always feel like I have to take a shit even when it's all come out. That, and I have really bad gas.
Is this common? Either way, WHAT THE HELL CAN I DO ABOUT IT?!?!?!?! It's driving me crazy!
Hello again, and thanks for this intriguing (if somewhat gross) question!
I suppose a total hysterectomy is out of the question.
Short of that drastic solution, I have to conclude that some of the evil demons who bring us our monthly periods have taken up residency in your colon. It apparently isn't enough to bring us ladies cramps, bleeding, clots, and to make us waste money on expensive paper products. The demons of monthly carnage are simply bored in your girlie innards and are yucking it up in your colon. What better fun than turning your poo all shmeary and making you fart a lot?
An exorcism is probably your best bet. Approach your local priest with this problem (and don't be embarrassed -- they get this ALL the time) and arrange a suitable time/place to do it. And take pictures for Dave.
(If you were by any chance looking for a serious answer to this question, I can only tell you that I have no idea why this happens. I will make the usual cop-out and blame it on hormones, and tell you to just start drinking a lot the week before your period is due. That always works for me.
Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.
Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.
Got a question for her?