Zoe asks:
Hello Motherload!
Generally, I love to poop. I find it to be a very satisfying activity. However, my experience pooping tends to be marred by a number of factors, detailed below, that all seem to work together to piss off my anus and make my pooping a big waste of time and toilet paper. Please note that I eat fairly well: a lot of fruit and vegetables, but a little low on carbs, and maybe a bit high on fats. Little-to-no dairy. I get in some exercise (twenty to thirty minutes a day on average). I am a twenty-two-year-old female.
So, here are my symptoms:
- I have very large, very solid shits. I don't usually clog the toilet, but they average maybe ten-fourteen inches in length and about two inches wide. Although they are solid, they seem to be, well, spongy. I can't think of an appropriate word to describe it. I guess you should imagine a moist clay log that was slathered in Vaseline.
- I seem to be unable to let my poop run its course. Try as I might, my butt seems to always to pinch it off early. I've tried concentrating on other things, concentrating on keeping my butt open, shifting positions, etc., with no luck. This means that not only do I have a lot of extra wiping to do, but I get stuck with lumps of shit lodged up my ass, robbing me of total satisfaction.
- My ass is always chafed from previous million-wiping sessions. I tread lightly, but always end up with a bit of blood on the toilet paper.
- Don't know if this makes a difference, but I wipe from the front. I'm always careful not to spread shit around (perhaps this "flicking" wiping motion causes some of the irritation!). I didn't even know people wiped from the back until I started reading PoopReport. I tried to do it, but it hurt my back.
Anyway, shitting is just a pain in the ass for me these days. Do you have any suggestions?
Dear Zoe,
Your diet could probably use a tune-up, even though its not completely horrible. Sometimes fruits and veggies aren't enough on their own to provide the amount of fiber necessary to form good healthy poops. You should probably cut down a little on the fatty foods and replace them with whole grain foods, and maybe even take a fiber supplement as well.
There are two sphincters associated with pooping: the internal anal sphincter and the external anal sphincter. The internal one you have absolutely no control over, as it is an "involuntary" muscle. You can, however, control the external one. (Well, there are exceptions to this rule, but you know what I mean.) So even though you are trying to relax the external sphincter to have one continuous long poop, the internal one is most likely sabotaging your efforts.
You do seem to have a strange wiping technique, but to each his/her own. I just hope that even though you approach the area from the front that you at least do your "flicking" away from your vagina. If not, you might end up writing to a pee report site for advice at some point when you end up with intestinal bacteria colonizing your bladder, giving you a wonderfully painful and itchy UTI.
I suggest that you change the brand of toilet paper that you use to prevent the chafing from now on. Also, wet wipes with aloe could prove to be quite beneficial to you.
Thanks for asking Motherload!
Motherload is a Certified Nurse Assistant as well as an IBS sufferer, which means she knows a lot about poop. Got a question for her? Ask it here.
