why is my poop so big?

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j 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Stonecold asks:

Why do I poop so big? It is long, hard, and fat. I have to cut it up everytime I poop.






Dear StoneCold,

Thanks for the question! I now have a visual stuck in my head that you would not believe!

It's the old story, Stone. Fiber. Fiber. Fiber. You need at least 5 servings a day of fruits and vegetables. And with all that fiber, you must drink at least eight 8oz glasses of water or juice per day. If you don't drink a lot of fluids, you may get bunged up even more. And beer doesn't count as "fluids".

This should soften you right up and get you some soft sliders.

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?












264 Comments on "why is my poop so big?"

Turd Hugegrunt's picture
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Stonecold asks: "Why do I poop so big? It is long, hard, and fat. I have to cut it up everytime I poop."

More detail requested, eg:

Scissors? Kitchen knife? Chainsaw?

Oh, and are you the person responsible for leaving the huge grunts unflushed in Kayla's dorm suite? (see: "What Causes Giant Logs?" thread) If so, we need to know 2 things: (1) Are you male, female, or transgender; and (2) Why are you not flushing the toilet?

Peace in the Poopchute.

Pooperscooper's picture
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Assphelgm, one of our members, has a great story in the PR.com archive entitled 'An Unbalanced Breakfast'-- a stirring saga in which he described how he produced a bright blue turd.

In the thread discussion that accompanies the article, he mentioned that he always produced huge turds and his mom showed him how to chop them up with a coat hanger so they would flush.

Someone else (I dont remember his name ): ) wrote us a story. He went to his girlfriend's house to meet her parents. In the bathroom , he saw a slender stick by the toilet. The stick was painted blue.

In all innocence, he asked what it was for. His girlfriend became tense and defensive, as did her mother.

But the father of the family was glad to explain. The blue stick was a turd chopper. The girl's brother happened to produce huge turds, had always done, so and they plugged the toilet.

So Dad created a turd chopper and kept it by the toilet. The thing was coated with water proof paint, and blue was the only color Dad had available.

So--lots of people produce giant turds.

I envy them.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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As a giant turd producer I thank you, pooperscooper. And as for having your poop get small and soft, try focussing on the "clear foods" as mentioned on the Simpsons. If it turns paper clear when it's rubbed on it, it's a clear food. They'll give you the runs and you'll never have to worry about hard shit again...

Of course you'll probably be dead from a stroke or a heart attack, so it wouldn't matter anyway.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Erik Olsovsky's picture
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I have had trouble with larget turds for some time also...my record was 14 inches long and what looked to be about 5 or more inches around....I couldn't actually measure the girth without getting shit on my fingers. But what i did to make them smaller and softer was eat Puerco Pabil...that did the trick.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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You should have sent that nasty bowl snake into ratemypoo.com.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points
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I too produce some pretty gurthy loaves.

Fiber will act as a bulking agent, water must be consumed while eating lots of fiber.

The ultimate questions are. A. How long have you been producing monster logs? B. Do they come out easy? If you answered most of your life, and fairly easy to those two questions, I wouldn't worry much. I know the unjamming toilets part of mega pooping is a real pain in the ass (did I just say that?)

Just keep your turdchopper at hand. I too require a turdchopper to help things to their final destination.

The fact is some people are just born toilet cloggers. As long as this is not new, don't loose sleep over it.
_______
Born to clog your bog, with a giant log.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

Chris B's picture
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Is there any tool specifically made for breaking up or cutting big or hard poops? I know that in the past I seen a toilet sword or something but now I cant find anything.

Thanks

Chris

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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I think Stonecold was my college roomate in 1993.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I am a 21 year old male. Recently, I have been doing desk work instead of my normal physical labor. I used to shit about 5 times a week but now I shit only 1 or 2 times a week. My turds are literally longer then my arm and big around as a soda can. What causes this? Thanks.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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For AC from 5/25/2007 To answer your query:

Food, mostly, along with dead cells, cellular waste by-products, and other kind of grody stuff.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Diarea's picture
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My poop is very huge. It also hurts my buttcheeks when I go. It stings and when i wipe it takes up most my toilet paper. Even if I eat a couple peanuts, they show every time. I truly need help, so please do!! Thanks

Anonymous Coward's picture
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my shit is allways fat hard long i go once a week i take a lot of fiber fruits no help

OneHeinousAnus's picture
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I just took a poop (Well, technically TWO poops...) about 10 minutes ago.

Both came out at the same time and were about 5 inches long and an inch in diameter for both.

One slid down the toilet with ease, but the other one, which was rather clunky with fecal matter bits, plugged up the can.

I unfortunately had to get out a cotton swab to break it up.

Kayla Simons's picture
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i have hard,stuck poop in my butt right now.everytime i try to push,it hurts toooooo much,and i suck them back into my butt and give up.i want them to get softer while they are already in my butt.What can i do to make them EXTRA soft?

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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Fiber, fiber, fiber. Water, water, water.

Start eating apples, bananas, and salads. Drink lots of water. And if that's not to your liking, drinking very yeasty beer will help!


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I just found this website accident, but found it very interesting and thought I should share my experiences. Since I was young; 42 now, I have moved my bowels on an average of 3 times a day. Many times the BM would be really long, sometimes 12 inches. I am not one to sit on the toilet and read a magazine either; usually done in 1 min or less. I also never really had constipation or diarrhea. My problem is that when I have to go, there is no waiting; have to fine a bathroom soon. I swear everything I eat goes right out the other end in no time. My diet includes everthing, but not many sweets. I have never been on a diet and pretty much eat what ever I want. My weight is 136 and height about 5'4. I no I am busy person, but I don't exercise. My god if I did that, I'd probably have to live in the bathroom. Is there anyone else that has the same issue? I have heard of people that don't go for 1-2 weeks. Where do they hold it all?

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Does anybody know what ATW Means?

Anonymous Coward's picture
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i dont know how to fart at will and i want to be able to do so. does any one know what position is best to fart at will?

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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Well my favorite is to get him to lie on the ground and lower my butt right over his face.

Logjam

prarie doggin's picture
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WARNING WARNING Will, Dr. Smith is dropping his pants!

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points
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A guy is sat up in bed, in hospital. A nurse can see him from her desk out of the corner of her eye.

Our bed ridden friend, slowly, starts to fall to the left.

The nurse, predicting a fall, jumps up from her desk, and expediently stuffs a pillow under his left side.

The nurse returns to her desk.

Just as she sits, (say 'she sits' three times quickly) our captive hero, falls slowly to the right.

The nurse, again, concerned, jumps up and promptly stuffs another pillow under our hero's right side.

Again, the nurse returns to her post.

She parks her behind, somewhat frustrated, only to witness or martyr now slowly falling forward.

Yet again, the now fatigued nurse, jumps up, and frantically stuffs a pillow under his chin.

Our hero, is now essentially immobile.

An hour or so passes, visiting time arrives, as does Mrs. hero.

"So darling, how is the food, do you need me to get you anything, how are they treating you?"

(A very caring woman)

"well," explains hero, "the food is great, I don't really need anything, but It worries me that the nurse won't let me fart"

_______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points
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Apologies for spelling. Damn! I should check before posting more often!
_______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

prarie doggin's picture
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Great Joke! I don't use spell check or anything either. If I make a mistake, so be it. Thats the real me.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Hello, my poo won't flush and it's quite big too so... what might be my problem? is there a a food I should stop eating in particular?

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
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AC, as you've seen on other posts on this thread, eat more fiber. If that doesn't work, I'd start shitting outside.

prarie doggin's picture
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Postman, that might not be good advice, especially if you still have a walking mail route.

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
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Actually, PD, I recently took over a driving route. Kind of out in the country, lots of farmland and rural areas to leave a deposit on.

Southwind's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I have never dated a man whose toilet I didn't clog up with vicious waste. And of course, I consider plumbing repairs to be a man's job. Could this be why I'm still not married?

_______
"Piece out!"

"Piece out!"

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Help

Me arse hurts!!! I just did one hell of a big shit and i fell to the ground in pain and screamed, It hurts

My poops are huge. hard and fat.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Cipa

The other day ^^^ I did a poop to , it was fucking massive it took 10 times to push out and when it dropped i think my bumhole split and i fell to the ground in pain and crying.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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i did a 6 in. poop yesterday and it didn't flush and now i did another 6 in. poop a little while ago today. i had to push really hard. so now, i have two massive turds that came out over a period of two days that are clogged in my toilet now. how can you unclog it?

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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Try to find an enzymatic clog remover at your local superstore. Or, if you have a good hardware store, they might be able to help you with what's best for your pipes.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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And from now on, keep a poo chopper by your toilet so this won't happen again. Our family is known for big shits and we have to keep a stick by the toilet bowl to cut up Gigantor before flushing it down.

_______
Born right the first time.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I suffer from the giant turd affliction, my craps are up to 2 inches in diameter. But I try to go every couple of days so there's less of a compaction factor and things come out easier. It used to be a huge problem for me, and it was really embarrassing to ask my mom to help me unclog the toilet every time I crapped when I was a kid.

Adam J.'s picture
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I have massive stinky toilet filling poops. I routinely stain the bowl and have to flush 3-5 times after each poop. My co-workers are disgusted by the stench and will take an hour plus for the heat and filthy smell to clear out. Even Lysol won't help. What shoudl I do?

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Adam, I think you should get in touch with Feto D. Walcott and see if he's looking for a roommate.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Chichen Itza Bonanza Karina Georgette's picture
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i wanted to know why i always poop and then wipe my butt and then there is blood and then i cry and then i get help from my bf but i always want to know how to make this stop i don't like bleeding from my butt it hurts

hayley's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I can produce some mighty thick long hefty turds. I poop every day and it's just how my normal turds are.

LongBigPoops's picture
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i have been pooping some huge longs that dont like to flush down the toilet, i cut them up with my toilet plunger and then wash it off, as gross as it may sound it works.

Ani's picture
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my son suffer for Huge,hard & long timing poops since almost born , so this is not really about fiber and fluids , there must be unother reason all with t he same condition share , and the bloody docs didn't found yet ...

two girls one cup's picture
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wow... you ppl are... weird. talking about poop... i mean.. poops poop but why go into detail? lol i dont want to know that ur poop was so big it made ur butthole hurt for weeks and it bled all over. . . nor do i need to know that you have peanuts in there either.
hmm. negatory....

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points
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Army disposal stores sell all kinds of cheap rubbish that looks more-or-less military.
I once bought a beaut machete with a serrated top edge, and seeing as how its useless for any real jungle work, I reckon it would be just the thing for slicing up turds.

_______
The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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You guys are crazy!!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I poop real big. And when I was little, even still now I've sometimes held it, but for a while there I would go everyday or so and it'd be small, soft and flushable. But now it's back to being huge and now I am afraid to go, I feel so embarrasses to ask for my Mom to check the toilet before I flush. My mom doesn't have a poop crusher and she doesn't realize that I can't help it, and now I've read the replie to someof these things but will fiber and fruits help me with my situation? Cause I really cannot go on livinglike this anymore. I like to poop, LOL, I don't want anything to prevent me from doing that like a normal human being

L dawg's picture
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I too make big turds. what you have to do is find a toothbrush you don't use anymore and stab the turd with the handle into 1-2 inch peices to get it down the hole. If the water starts to rise StOp FlUsHiING!! or else your fecal matter will end up on the floor. Just wait until your toilet calms down. you might have to stick your toothbrush pretty far up the hole before easing your poop through. good luck and maybe you should wear some of those big yellow rubber gloves.

Russell's picture
l 100+ points
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If you want soft caca, just eat toothpaste!

Russell the shitting queen

Anonymous Coward's picture
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my poops are giant they are always bad to do and i plug the toliet alot i do not know why but i just do everytime almost and i do not know why still i eat alot does that have to do with it?? can you help my poop qeustion my poop ios depending on you thank you

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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Hello AC, of course what you eat can affect how you poop; today's feast yields tomorrow's feces. My guess is you may need more water and more fiber, especially nuts or bran cereal. Also exercise enough; not necessarily on treadmills or equipment, but lots of walking, yard work, etc. Those factors should lead you to softer, easier poops. You may poop more, especially more often, but the results should be easier to flush. Try it!

Angry at Toilet Designers's picture
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Why can't the toilet designers make the toilet pipes wider?!? Since I was a kid, I've been stopping up pipes. Dang, just make a better toilet!

Samantha's picture
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Hi...Everytime i try pushing out my poop, it hurts...so as soon as it comes out, my butt hurts and sometimes i bleed. Why does this happen? is this some form of constipation? And also my body function in a way people wouldn't understand. i can't just go to the bathroom and poop, i have to concentrate...why am i like that?

Russell's picture
l 100+ points
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Fiber helps you to have softer poop. Vegetables help soften them too
_______
Russell the shitting queen

Russell the shitting queen

Anonymous Coward's picture
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American standard makes toilets that can handle turfs up to 5 pounds in weight. I'd challange any one involved in this thread to back up a champion 4 or a cadet 3. I put a cadet 3 in my house and have been trying for weeks to back it up. No luck yet. Will advise.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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haha hard shit ayye you bastard

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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The Anonymous Coward who posted immediately above deserves some credit for the stupidest comment I think I have ever read. What does it mean? What is the meaning of the word ayye, is it English or some other language? Come back after you graduate from primary school AC, that is if you ever do...sheeesh....


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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Samantha--if your butt hurts and you bleed when you poop, see your doctor if this has been going on a while. Pooping is supposed to be reasonably easy (you should have to push a bit, but not to make you hurt or bleed).

AC 5/5/9: I admire you for having a toilet that can handle turfs (though I think the plural of turf is turves); mine does well to handle turds. Does your potty prefer Astro-turfs?

Carnage's picture
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You people are very strange. I laughed out loud at some of your issues. I'm laughing at you.
What you need is medical Help. Sorry, but I can't give you people it. You should also try talking to a therapist.

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points
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Buy Ron Popiels Poop Chopper. It slices and dices any size turd. Plus, if you buy now, you get the poop crazy cutters and the poop juicer. All for 3 easy payments of $19.95.

Carnage again's picture
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GROSS!!lol..hahaha.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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Dear Nicholas......If the details had not been added you would not have been so obviously entertained. Bring over a few cases of your uncle's wine and we will discuss this issue further, OK if I invite Daphne too?


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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YES.

Currently, I'm waiting for a case of wine from California that my mother ordered for me for Mother's Day. At first it was only eight bottles, but the winery felt bad about the fact that it never showed up. This is the second time in a year that our postal system 'damaged' the wine.

Maybe our post office has a resident wino like myself and knows our address!

Chief, I will bring the cheese, and you can cut it. I hear it's your specialty.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Daphne....you may want to have a little "talk" with Postman...wrap the BanHammer in some velour, or similar soft cloth, leaves less of a mark.


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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Right Daphne......I am an expert at cutting stinky cheese that even a Frenchman would envy.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
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Bilge, Postman just took a position at the Doggin Thunderbutt Institute. Although I don't usually take gifts from new hires, he did send me four bottles of a wonderful California wine. They were great!

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
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Daphne, I just happen to be the resident post office wino. Any way I can help, let me know.

Except between 8 am and 4:30pm, when I'm hard at work at the Doggin/Thunderbutt Institute.

Rebel Scum's picture
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Does anyone know where I can buy starwars battlefront 3 for playstation 2?? They finally have a Juggernaut tank. But it doesn't look anything like it in the movies. Please let me know when it comes on for playstation 2.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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Rebel Scum......You are supposed to be talking about shit....Are you on the wrong website? You make me ashamed to be a Reb. Does a Juggernaut tank have anything to do with boobs??


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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PD... said, " Bilge, Postman just took a position at the Doggin Thunderbutt Institute. Although I don't usually take gifts from new hires, he did send me four bottles of a wonderful California wine. They were great!"

My question is; Why did I only get pair of Rossie O'Donuts soiled panties?


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
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Sorry, Chief. I'm in my suck up mode now. I meant to send you a pair of Angelina Jolie's panties.

jeff janus's picture
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My poop is abnormally long.. ieverytime nature calls I am terrified as to what's going to come out of my butt.. I feel like a small kid is climbing out of my rear.. I don't know why this happens and its extremely painful...I have to scream sometimes while pushing out these massive turds... I am convinced its some sort of disease bc my poops are never normal.. I have nightmares about the bathroom..please help

Charlie's picture
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"Buy Ron Popiels Poop Chopper. It slices and dices any size turd. Plus, if you buy now, you get the poop crazy cutters and the poop juicer. All for 3 easy payments of $19.95."

Oh man, I can't tell you just how invaluable Ron's poop juicer has become to both my cooking and my budget. We haven't had to buy orange juice in years!