why is my poop so big?

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j 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Stonecold asks:

Why do I poop so big? It is long, hard, and fat. I have to cut it up everytime I poop.






Dear StoneCold,

Thanks for the question! I now have a visual stuck in my head that you would not believe!

It's the old story, Stone. Fiber. Fiber. Fiber. You need at least 5 servings a day of fruits and vegetables. And with all that fiber, you must drink at least eight 8oz glasses of water or juice per day. If you don't drink a lot of fluids, you may get bunged up even more. And beer doesn't count as "fluids".

This should soften you right up and get you some soft sliders.

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?












264 Comments on "why is my poop so big?"

Turd Hugegrunt's picture
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Stonecold asks: "Why do I poop so big? It is long, hard, and fat. I have to cut it up everytime I poop."

More detail requested, eg:

Scissors? Kitchen knife? Chainsaw?

Oh, and are you the person responsible for leaving the huge grunts unflushed in Kayla's dorm suite? (see: "What Causes Giant Logs?" thread) If so, we need to know 2 things: (1) Are you male, female, or transgender; and (2) Why are you not flushing the toilet?

Peace in the Poopchute.

Pooperscooper's picture
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Assphelgm, one of our members, has a great story in the PR.com archive entitled 'An Unbalanced Breakfast'-- a stirring saga in which he described how he produced a bright blue turd.

In the thread discussion that accompanies the article, he mentioned that he always produced huge turds and his mom showed him how to chop them up with a coat hanger so they would flush.

Someone else (I dont remember his name ): ) wrote us a story. He went to his girlfriend's house to meet her parents. In the bathroom , he saw a slender stick by the toilet. The stick was painted blue.

In all innocence, he asked what it was for. His girlfriend became tense and defensive, as did her mother.

But the father of the family was glad to explain. The blue stick was a turd chopper. The girl's brother happened to produce huge turds, had always done, so and they plugged the toilet.

So Dad created a turd chopper and kept it by the toilet. The thing was coated with water proof paint, and blue was the only color Dad had available.

So--lots of people produce giant turds.

I envy them.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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As a giant turd producer I thank you, pooperscooper. And as for having your poop get small and soft, try focussing on the "clear foods" as mentioned on the Simpsons. If it turns paper clear when it's rubbed on it, it's a clear food. They'll give you the runs and you'll never have to worry about hard shit again...

Of course you'll probably be dead from a stroke or a heart attack, so it wouldn't matter anyway.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Erik Olsovsky's picture
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I have had trouble with larget turds for some time also...my record was 14 inches long and what looked to be about 5 or more inches around....I couldn't actually measure the girth without getting shit on my fingers. But what i did to make them smaller and softer was eat Puerco Pabil...that did the trick.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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You should have sent that nasty bowl snake into ratemypoo.com.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points
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I too produce some pretty gurthy loaves.

Fiber will act as a bulking agent, water must be consumed while eating lots of fiber.

The ultimate questions are. A. How long have you been producing monster logs? B. Do they come out easy? If you answered most of your life, and fairly easy to those two questions, I wouldn't worry much. I know the unjamming toilets part of mega pooping is a real pain in the ass (did I just say that?)

Just keep your turdchopper at hand. I too require a turdchopper to help things to their final destination.

The fact is some people are just born toilet cloggers. As long as this is not new, don't loose sleep over it.
_______
Born to clog your bog, with a giant log.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

Chris B's picture
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Is there any tool specifically made for breaking up or cutting big or hard poops? I know that in the past I seen a toilet sword or something but now I cant find anything.

Thanks

Chris

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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I think Stonecold was my college roomate in 1993.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I am a 21 year old male. Recently, I have been doing desk work instead of my normal physical labor. I used to shit about 5 times a week but now I shit only 1 or 2 times a week. My turds are literally longer then my arm and big around as a soda can. What causes this? Thanks.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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For AC from 5/25/2007 To answer your query:

Food, mostly, along with dead cells, cellular waste by-products, and other kind of grody stuff.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Diarea's picture
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My poop is very huge. It also hurts my buttcheeks when I go. It stings and when i wipe it takes up most my toilet paper. Even if I eat a couple peanuts, they show every time. I truly need help, so please do!! Thanks

Anonymous Coward's picture
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my shit is allways fat hard long i go once a week i take a lot of fiber fruits no help

OneHeinousAnus's picture
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I just took a poop (Well, technically TWO poops...) about 10 minutes ago.

Both came out at the same time and were about 5 inches long and an inch in diameter for both.

One slid down the toilet with ease, but the other one, which was rather clunky with fecal matter bits, plugged up the can.

I unfortunately had to get out a cotton swab to break it up.

Kayla Simons's picture
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i have hard,stuck poop in my butt right now.everytime i try to push,it hurts toooooo much,and i suck them back into my butt and give up.i want them to get softer while they are already in my butt.What can i do to make them EXTRA soft?

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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Fiber, fiber, fiber. Water, water, water.

Start eating apples, bananas, and salads. Drink lots of water. And if that's not to your liking, drinking very yeasty beer will help!


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I just found this website accident, but found it very interesting and thought I should share my experiences. Since I was young; 42 now, I have moved my bowels on an average of 3 times a day. Many times the BM would be really long, sometimes 12 inches. I am not one to sit on the toilet and read a magazine either; usually done in 1 min or less. I also never really had constipation or diarrhea. My problem is that when I have to go, there is no waiting; have to fine a bathroom soon. I swear everything I eat goes right out the other end in no time. My diet includes everthing, but not many sweets. I have never been on a diet and pretty much eat what ever I want. My weight is 136 and height about 5'4. I no I am busy person, but I don't exercise. My god if I did that, I'd probably have to live in the bathroom. Is there anyone else that has the same issue? I have heard of people that don't go for 1-2 weeks. Where do they hold it all?

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Does anybody know what ATW Means?

Anonymous Coward's picture
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i dont know how to fart at will and i want to be able to do so. does any one know what position is best to fart at will?

Logjam's picture
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Well my favorite is to get him to lie on the ground and lower my butt right over his face.

Logjam

prarie doggin's picture
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WARNING WARNING Will, Dr. Smith is dropping his pants!

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points
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A guy is sat up in bed, in hospital. A nurse can see him from her desk out of the corner of her eye.

Our bed ridden friend, slowly, starts to fall to the left.

The nurse, predicting a fall, jumps up from her desk, and expediently stuffs a pillow under his left side.

The nurse returns to her desk.

Just as she sits, (say 'she sits' three times quickly) our captive hero, falls slowly to the right.

The nurse, again, concerned, jumps up and promptly stuffs another pillow under our hero's right side.

Again, the nurse returns to her post.

She parks her behind, somewhat frustrated, only to witness or martyr now slowly falling forward.

Yet again, the now fatigued nurse, jumps up, and frantically stuffs a pillow under his chin.

Our hero, is now essentially immobile.

An hour or so passes, visiting time arrives, as does Mrs. hero.

"So darling, how is the food, do you need me to get you anything, how are they treating you?"

(A very caring woman)

"well," explains hero, "the food is great, I don't really need anything, but It worries me that the nurse won't let me fart"

_______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points
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Apologies for spelling. Damn! I should check before posting more often!
_______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

prarie doggin's picture
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Great Joke! I don't use spell check or anything either. If I make a mistake, so be it. Thats the real me.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Hello, my poo won't flush and it's quite big too so... what might be my problem? is there a a food I should stop eating in particular?

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
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AC, as you've seen on other posts on this thread, eat more fiber. If that doesn't work, I'd start shitting outside.

prarie doggin's picture
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Postman, that might not be good advice, especially if you still have a walking mail route.

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
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Actually, PD, I recently took over a driving route. Kind of out in the country, lots of farmland and rural areas to leave a deposit on.

Southwind's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I have never dated a man whose toilet I didn't clog up with vicious waste. And of course, I consider plumbing repairs to be a man's job. Could this be why I'm still not married?

_______
"Piece out!"

"Piece out!"

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Help

Me arse hurts!!! I just did one hell of a big shit and i fell to the ground in pain and screamed, It hurts

My poops are huge. hard and fat.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Cipa

The other day ^^^ I did a poop to , it was fucking massive it took 10 times to push out and when it dropped i think my bumhole split and i fell to the ground in pain and crying.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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i did a 6 in. poop yesterday and it didn't flush and now i did another 6 in. poop a little while ago today. i had to push really hard. so now, i have two massive turds that came out over a period of two days that are clogged in my toilet now. how can you unclog it?

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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Try to find an enzymatic clog remover at your local superstore. Or, if you have a good hardware store, they might be able to help you with what's best for your pipes.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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And from now on, keep a poo chopper by your toilet so this won't happen again. Our family is known for big shits and we have to keep a stick by the toilet bowl to cut up Gigantor before flushing it down.

_______
Born right the first time.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I suffer from the giant turd affliction, my craps are up to 2 inches in diameter. But I try to go every couple of days so there's less of a compaction factor and things come out easier. It used to be a huge problem for me, and it was really embarrassing to ask my mom to help me unclog the toilet every time I crapped when I was a kid.

Adam J.'s picture
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I have massive stinky toilet filling poops. I routinely stain the bowl and have to flush 3-5 times after each poop. My co-workers are disgusted by the stench and will take an hour plus for the heat and filthy smell to clear out. Even Lysol won't help. What shoudl I do?

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Adam, I think you should get in touch with Feto D. Walcott and see if he's looking for a roommate.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Chichen Itza Bonanza Karina Georgette's picture
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i wanted to know why i always poop and then wipe my butt and then there is blood and then i cry and then i get help from my bf but i always want to know how to make this stop i don't like bleeding from my butt it hurts

hayley's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I can produce some mighty thick long hefty turds. I poop every day and it's just how my normal turds are.

LongBigPoops's picture
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i have been pooping some huge longs that dont like to flush down the toilet, i cut them up with my toilet plunger and then wash it off, as gross as it may sound it works.

Ani's picture
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my son suffer for Huge,hard & long timing poops since almost born , so this is not really about fiber and fluids , there must be unother reason all with t he same condition share , and the bloody docs didn't found yet ...

two girls one cup's picture
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wow... you ppl are... weird. talking about poop... i mean.. poops poop but why go into detail? lol i dont want to know that ur poop was so big it made ur butthole hurt for weeks and it bled all over. . . nor do i need to know that you have peanuts in there either.
hmm. negatory....

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points
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Army disposal stores sell all kinds of cheap rubbish that looks more-or-less military.
I once bought a beaut machete with a serrated top edge, and seeing as how its useless for any real jungle work, I reckon it would be just the thing for slicing up turds.

_______
The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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You guys are crazy!!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I poop real big. And when I was little, even still now I've sometimes held it, but for a while there I would go everyday or so and it'd be small, soft and flushable. But now it's back to being huge and now I am afraid to go, I feel so embarrasses to ask for my Mom to check the toilet before I flush. My mom doesn't have a poop crusher and she doesn't realize that I can't help it, and now I've read the replie to someof these things but will fiber and fruits help me with my situation? Cause I really cannot go on livinglike this anymore. I like to poop, LOL, I don't want anything to prevent me from doing that like a normal human being

L dawg's picture
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I too make big turds. what you have to do is find a toothbrush you don't use anymore and stab the turd with the handle into 1-2 inch peices to get it down the hole. If the water starts to rise StOp FlUsHiING!! or else your fecal matter will end up on the floor. Just wait until your toilet calms down. you might have to stick your toothbrush pretty far up the hole before easing your poop through. good luck and maybe you should wear some of those big yellow rubber gloves.

Russell's picture
l 100+ points
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If you want soft caca, just eat toothpaste!

Russell the shitting queen

Anonymous Coward's picture
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my poops are giant they are always bad to do and i plug the toliet alot i do not know why but i just do everytime almost and i do not know why still i eat alot does that have to do with it?? can you help my poop qeustion my poop ios depending on you thank you

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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Hello AC, of course what you eat can affect how you poop; today's feast yields tomorrow's feces. My guess is you may need more water and more fiber, especially nuts or bran cereal. Also exercise enough; not necessarily on treadmills or equipment, but lots of walking, yard work, etc. Those factors should lead you to softer, easier poops. You may poop more, especially more often, but the results should be easier to flush. Try it!

Angry at Toilet Designers's picture
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Why can't the toilet designers make the toilet pipes wider?!? Since I was a kid, I've been stopping up pipes. Dang, just make a better toilet!

Samantha's picture
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Hi...Everytime i try pushing out my poop, it hurts...so as soon as it comes out, my butt hurts and sometimes i bleed. Why does this happen? is this some form of constipation? And also my body function in a way people wouldn't understand. i can't just go to the bathroom and poop, i have to concentrate...why am i like that?

Russell's picture
l 100+ points
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Fiber helps you to have softer poop. Vegetables help soften them too
_______
Russell the shitting queen

Russell the shitting queen

Anonymous Coward's picture
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American standard makes toilets that can handle turfs up to 5 pounds in weight. I'd challange any one involved in this thread to back up a champion 4 or a cadet 3. I put a cadet 3 in my house and have been trying for weeks to back it up. No luck yet. Will advise.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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haha hard shit ayye you bastard

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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The Anonymous Coward who posted immediately above deserves some credit for the stupidest comment I think I have ever read. What does it mean? What is the meaning of the word ayye, is it English or some other language? Come back after you graduate from primary school AC, that is if you ever do...sheeesh....


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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Samantha--if your butt hurts and you bleed when you poop, see your doctor if this has been going on a while. Pooping is supposed to be reasonably easy (you should have to push a bit, but not to make you hurt or bleed).

AC 5/5/9: I admire you for having a toilet that can handle turfs (though I think the plural of turf is turves); mine does well to handle turds. Does your potty prefer Astro-turfs?

Carnage's picture
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You people are very strange. I laughed out loud at some of your issues. I'm laughing at you.
What you need is medical Help. Sorry, but I can't give you people it. You should also try talking to a therapist.

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points
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Buy Ron Popiels Poop Chopper. It slices and dices any size turd. Plus, if you buy now, you get the poop crazy cutters and the poop juicer. All for 3 easy payments of $19.95.

Carnage again's picture
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GROSS!!lol..hahaha.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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Dear Nicholas......If the details had not been added you would not have been so obviously entertained. Bring over a few cases of your uncle's wine and we will discuss this issue further, OK if I invite Daphne too?


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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YES.

Currently, I'm waiting for a case of wine from California that my mother ordered for me for Mother's Day. At first it was only eight bottles, but the winery felt bad about the fact that it never showed up. This is the second time in a year that our postal system 'damaged' the wine.

Maybe our post office has a resident wino like myself and knows our address!

Chief, I will bring the cheese, and you can cut it. I hear it's your specialty.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Daphne....you may want to have a little "talk" with Postman...wrap the BanHammer in some velour, or similar soft cloth, leaves less of a mark.


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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Right Daphne......I am an expert at cutting stinky cheese that even a Frenchman would envy.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
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Bilge, Postman just took a position at the Doggin Thunderbutt Institute. Although I don't usually take gifts from new hires, he did send me four bottles of a wonderful California wine. They were great!

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
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Daphne, I just happen to be the resident post office wino. Any way I can help, let me know.

Except between 8 am and 4:30pm, when I'm hard at work at the Doggin/Thunderbutt Institute.

Rebel Scum's picture
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Does anyone know where I can buy starwars battlefront 3 for playstation 2?? They finally have a Juggernaut tank. But it doesn't look anything like it in the movies. Please let me know when it comes on for playstation 2.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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Rebel Scum......You are supposed to be talking about shit....Are you on the wrong website? You make me ashamed to be a Reb. Does a Juggernaut tank have anything to do with boobs??


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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PD... said, " Bilge, Postman just took a position at the Doggin Thunderbutt Institute. Although I don't usually take gifts from new hires, he did send me four bottles of a wonderful California wine. They were great!"

My question is; Why did I only get pair of Rossie O'Donuts soiled panties?


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
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Sorry, Chief. I'm in my suck up mode now. I meant to send you a pair of Angelina Jolie's panties.

jeff janus's picture
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My poop is abnormally long.. ieverytime nature calls I am terrified as to what's going to come out of my butt.. I feel like a small kid is climbing out of my rear.. I don't know why this happens and its extremely painful...I have to scream sometimes while pushing out these massive turds... I am convinced its some sort of disease bc my poops are never normal.. I have nightmares about the bathroom..please help

Charlie's picture
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"Buy Ron Popiels Poop Chopper. It slices and dices any size turd. Plus, if you buy now, you get the poop crazy cutters and the poop juicer. All for 3 easy payments of $19.95."

Oh man, I can't tell you just how invaluable Ron's poop juicer has become to both my cooking and my budget. We haven't had to buy orange juice in years!

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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Those of you who have huge turds: Be glad you have turds, even huge ones, and not diarrhea or severe constipation. Yes, an unflushable is an embarrassment; but at least it's no longer inside. To get more manageable turds, drink a lot more water--64 oz. a day--and eat high-fiber foods like whole wheat, celery, nuts, and the like. Also, try going to sit on the toilet at the same time every day, perhaps after breakfast (and be SURE to eat a good breakfast!), and wait 10 or 15 minutes to see if you can poop. If you set up a more regular pattern, I'd bet you'd have more "normal" poop.

Z, just Z's picture
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My poop aren't actually long but like a big circle. It's like my body is rolling the poop up into a big ball then trying to fit it out. Like trying to get a baseball to fit though a hole the size of a golf ball. So obviously it doesn't fit well and hurts and sometimes bleeds. I do have to break it up a bit before it comes out. So why am I shitting baseballs?

Anonymous Coward's picture
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hi i am 12 years old. y do i piss everey time i take a shit?? is there n e way 2 stop dis? i am to scared to take a piss because i mite shit my underwhere in school at the urnels so i always go take a shit on the toilet even when i dont need to :(

Artful Dodger's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points
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I weep for the sorry state of public education.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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Don't weep yet Dodger.....The post may have been made by a kindergarten prodigy. :-))

PS: My smiley above indicates that I have a double chin.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Artful Dodger's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points
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Chief, at 12 years old our friend best be a kindergarten prodigy.

:~(~~~~

P.S. My frownie indicates tears falling like rain.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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hhahhahaha u fked up big time shame my poos a monster what shall i do theres magets inside and lots of worms with nuts i like bulls :D

Moderators comment...I let this poorly written comment with abominable spelling slide past me so I could cheer up all you American posters who have failed to master the English language. This poster is from the UK, the dear queen would shit her granny panties if she read this.

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points
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Can you still buy those plastic tube things that you push into an orange to get the juice out? You know the things- they are a couple of inches long by about an inch diameter with a little serrated edge on the end.
One of those things might make a good turd-corer, and once the turd has been cored, it might collapse easier (or it might make a good hole for a firecracker).
Just a thought...
_______
The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
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BM!!!! Where you been mate? Found yourself a real hot Barbie (wink wink)?

JakePitty3's picture
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I have been taking huge shits for the last year or so and my ass has started to bleed after several of them. Two times I had to use my pointer finger to relieve a massive turd that was fighting to come out. Is there any solution to relieving my tight ass instead of having to use my bare hands.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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JP3: Several possible solutions, all involving your diet: (1) Drink lots of water, at various times during the day, to soften and lubricate your poop; (2) Eat lots of fiber foods such as veggies, whole wheat breat, kidney or navy beans, etc., to make yourself poop more often and not let the poop stiffen and harden inside you; (3) Set yourself regular bathroom times when you can go and sit for 10 to 15 minutes on the pot and possibly poop an extra time to keep your intestines moving things along.

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

Maybe JP3 should have a talk with a gynaecologist, and see if he can borrow the big shiny things that look like barbecue tongs.
_______
The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

Bob Farm's picture
0
0

Holy Cow! I just pinched a monster, this thing was incredible!!! I cannot believe I had something like this inside of me. It was a terror to push this thing out, I was starting to panic and wondering what I was going to do. Can you imagine the 911 call?

Riot's picture
0
0

Lmao.
I laughed so hard at this,not at anyones suffering,but just the fact everyone is talking so openly about their huge dumps.

Thank you for a great laugh.

and from the sounds of it my 'big' poops are nowhere as big as those describe. I have girly poops I guess. But I am girl :\ :D

all dat dump inside yo trunk's picture
0
0

so this morning, i got up and had to go real bad, this was the most massive crap of my whole life, it took me a half hour just to get it out, it hurt too, i swear the poop was like 2 inches in diameter or more, it was about 6 inches long too, and owww hurt. My bum hurts now. I eat a healthy diet I think its cuz i was holding it all yesterday cuz i hate to go in public bathrooms and i was out all day. But now i think i will have to go every day because i dont like these huge turds coming out they hurt !!

toilet clogger all day's picture
0
0

I always clogg my toilet, but today i had to call a plummer roto rooter guy, how embarrasing.
He saw the toilet, and the first thing he said was holy sheep shit..So i ran out the house and went to my neighbor's to take a dump.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
0
0

TC all day: So helpful to your neighbor! Did you clog his toilet also? Did you recommend your plumber to him? What a great way to "spread the wealth" in these economic times!

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
0

hi, For a few months now ive ben having these poop that are really bulky and its like 5 or 6 pieces that come out all at once.. its alot! like my whole stomach came out.. anyway! this is just sometimes, maybe once a week. The texture is soft and my stomach feels nauseous when its coming out. is it too much fibre or sumthin?? thanks!!

meowpoo's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
0
0

did you know that poop can be big or small but it don't really matter.notice any thing? -- what smells? shit!

-- what smells? shit!

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
0
0

AC 8 28 Too much fiber will likely make your stool loose (liquid) or sloppy to a lesser degree; not likely to come as you described it, big and bulky. If the problem persists, see your doctor.

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

meowpoo...

I contemplated your post 09.21.09, and I swear, I had an epiphany!
My God! Poop can be big OR small!!!
And the more I pondered it, the more enlightening and obvious it became- it don't really matter!!!
I now know that there is no need for a shift key, space bar, punctuation, or grammar either!
I feel I have reached a higher spiritual place.

_______
The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
0

I always have had big long fat poop that clogs up the toilet since I was little it doesn't hurt but its just so big I can't believe it I only poop once a week which is enough for me which takes me about 30min sumtimes more to complete it my boyfriend duznt believe my poop is so big I tried to send him a pic but he wouldn't look but my poop is about 7to12inches in length and is very thick hard and fat I wish I knew what was causing this boo boo scandal :(

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

...over to you, Chief...
I ran out of sarcasm on the earlier post...
_______
The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
0
0

BM...This has been a turning point in my life, I lived for almost 68 years before I realized that as meowpoo says, "did you know that poop can be big or small but it don't really matter"

oh the wasteful life i have led using punctuation marks and breaking my thoughts into sentences when none of this is necessary because it simply don't really matter i am going to a local tattoo parlor shortly to have this sage advice printed all over my body so i can become a living testament to the wisdom of meowpoo this could possibly be the basis for a new religion meowpooism which will even out-pace zen buddhism in its simplicity


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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0

Chief, Chief Chief! you are stooping to their level. Stop, don't do it! It will make you go insane!br>_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
0
0

bwahahahaha...to late....already insane..

*skips merrily from room while flubbing lips*


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
0
0

Somebody help me help the Chief as he is losing it bad!
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
0
0

Now BM if you really wanted to reach them you should have said:
i fel i has rched a big pirtual like you no place


_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
0
0

I sure can't understand what you just said, Misses M.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
0

Hello everyone

I'm a woman - a very good looking woman, size 6 woman with a big secret. I'm the slimebag who clogs the toilet at work with enormous, heavy, hard poops.

Everyone in the fancy building where I work knows about the plumbing issues due to my poops.

But noone suspects me - they all think it's the donut fiend in the office on the end who sneaks into the ladies bathroom.

My poops are so big they take a while to evacuate. I push until I can't push anymore, take a break and then push some more. Sometimes I go three rounds of pushing before my sphincter muscle reaches the end of the turd. These ultra long poops almost never break in half along the way. They just lie there like pine logs trying to hide their heads in the drainpipe.

I just can not believe these things come out of my ass. I have never had anal sex fearing the pain, but I pass stools bigger than a huge penis.

The marginal brightside to my poops is that they don't stink. Not even a little. This really helps me be secretive about them.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
0
0

Those aren't poops, they are brown babies.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
0

OMG! i just pooped out the fatttest poop ever!it was as big as my fist and it was round like 1 huge ball. i would say it was maybe 3-4 inches in diametre. seriously i have big hands and if i make a fist.. thats how big it was.. it was so hard too that wen i tried making it smaller cos it wont come out.. it was so hard it wouldnt break. i sat on the toilet for 1 hour trying 2 push the big balllll of poop out. i ended up getting it out by splashing some soapy water in my butt to get it nice and slippery. 5 minutes after splashing soapy water in there.. i got it out... YAY! so my advice 2 all the the ppl with thick hard poop. get a bucket of soapy water and just splash it alll over your hole and try get some of it inside 2 make it slipppery.

vikings's picture
0
0

i poop 3 footers!

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
0

I always have big long fat poop that clogs up everything and I poop once a week and sumtimes I eat a lot and feel stuffed like I wanna eat so I drink this green tea drink called chinese slim tea u boil it in warm water and drink about a cup or two the next day I guarantee u will poop out ur boo boo to the extreme u will feel so much better it really helped me so wenever I wanna poop but I kant I jes drink that I always feel like I jesz lost 5 pounds lol

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points
0
0

If you just ate at Country Buffet, the answer is fairly clear !

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
0

Well sometimes they hurt, but anybody ever have to reach around and help PULL one out? Y-I-K-E-S

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
0

pull one out?? noooo it never gets that bad for me my poop alwaysz comes out even if i have to sit there and wait for like 30 minutes or more it jessz comes out slowly wow does it hurt wen u have to pull it out???

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
0

lol this is so freaking funny!!!

shockpoop's picture
0
0

I'm here because I just came from the bathroom and shocked myself. I have shitted some big poop before but not like this one. The poop is a bit of hard today, I pushed very hard a few time, but only the size of thumb came out, and it hurts. I tried a few time, the rest of the poop refuse to come out. I had suck the poop back into my ass,and ready to get up, but then I was thinking what if its gonna stuck there for days, and next time its gonna be like rockhard. So i kept on pushing and pushing. I know its gonna sound gross. Yes, I did use finger to help myslef down there. dont worry I used toliet paper. but that wont get the rest of poop out of my ass. cause i'm not gonna stick my hand in there and pull it out. I left no choice but to push with all my strength, screamed and sweat coming down and my face. It came out. It was the biggest shit i've ever seen. and when i wipe my ass, i did saw some blood on the paper, but not much. The feeling of "shitless" is great. I'll keep this in mind, and starts to eat fiber and go to gym more often. Oh shit, I forgot to wash my hand. see ya.

Poothagoras's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
0
0

Congratulations, shockpoop!

Something to consider: You had better clean your keyboard too, I think.
_______
Every poop is not to be told to every body.

Every poop is not to be told to every body.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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0

Shockpoop, it was good to push then, even though it hurt, to get that monster out; you are right, the longer it stays inside, the harder it gets, plus more poop continues to accumulate, making your next attempt even harder. But DO wash your hands! Essential!

Powersoak's picture
0
0

Did it ever occur to any who have such difficulty pooping that maybe some vaseline inserted into your anus might make the passage easier and less painful? Or maybe you might try eating chips fried in Olestra; it can pass undigested through the body and would make your colon, rectum and anus self lubricating. You would probably not want to push with your usual force lest the turd fly out with such speed it would do damage to the china fixture.

Craven Moorehead's picture
0
0

I keep a Samuari sword hanging on my shithouse wall, works great, also a shop vac nearby to suck up extra big hunks of dung. Eat lots of asparagus too, produces some hefty cedar logs.

a big pooper's picture
0
0

dude shit. ive been having really big, hard, long poops lately.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
0
0

a big pooper....Are you an English major enrolled in a creative writing course?


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Pooperific's picture
0
0

I have always been a hefty pooper. It became so much of a problem that when we remodeled the bathroom 10+/- years ago, we got a Kohler power flush toilet. More recently we moved, and my vanity dictated not putting the power flush toilet in the new house because it had the elongated bowl. As a result, the toilet still occasionally gets clogged. When Kohler makes the power flush in the normal bowl size, I will upgrade my toilet. It keeps the toilet cleaner, too! Just and FYI for others.

Please note: The toilet is not called power flush. Just ask the salesman about it though, and I'm sure they'll know what you are talking about. Absolutely invaluable piece of invention.

Spontaneous poops's picture
0
0

For the anon person who had to poop shortly after eating and having to be always near a bathroom. I'd suggest you get tested for gluten intolerance or celiac disease. Both of those can cause your symptoms.

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
0

my poops are soft and about 10 to 15 inches long. i have to cut them up each time with a bread knife.i dont want them to be hard but i want them to be short. Also sometimes when im normally walking around, a shit just comes out of my butt without warning. how can i stop this?

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
0
0

Well, stop walking around, or walk around abnormally. Or install a motion detector inyour ass to give you some warning.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

I hate smelling rotting poop's picture
0
0

My little sister takes monster shots. She is 5'3 and under a hundred pounds. She is thirteen and the things that come out of her are ungodly. The best honest size comparison is to a chipotle burrito. They are massive and never can I recall them flushing. We have 5 toilets in our house and she has had 4 of the 5 clogged at one time. She usually is very sneaky about it. She will however drop her fat kids off at the pool and wait for them to drown or dissolve. Please help! Are there really "toilet swords?" if so. Where can I buy one for her? Are there ones she could fit in her baxkback and take to school? Pretty please help ! Thanks. :)

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
0
0

Dear I hate smelling rotting poop.....The solution to your problem is simple, as soon as your sis pinches a loaf run in and smell it while it is still fresh. You can use many things as poop choppers, you don't have to buy something special. Most school districts take a dim view on swords in backpacks.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

poopcase's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
0
0

What is it about using a kitchen knife to vivisect a big fatty? (I guess this is why I am here at this site, laughing heartily, because...) my shared childhood memories include recountings of Grandma -AND I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP! Her nickname was "Grunt"! -Yep, Granny Grunt!...where was I?... this is much, much funnier thinking about it now...marching up to the clogged toilet with a butcher knife in hand.

God bless her little, stubby legs that couldn't catch me with that bar of soap for my potty-mouth. My brother, the purveyor of poopreport stories, recently acquired two ducks for pets (they shiite everywhere! but that is another story which I'm sure to find a related tale somewhere else in this fine site) He named them after our beloved, departed grandparents, 'Chuck' and 'Grunt'. I'm not sure whether this has to do with pooping and eating (popular with their namesakes) or their waddling and seemingly bitching to each other.

...yes, I agree, -on the whole, preparation H feels good...

small kid big turds's picture
0
0

ok i when i poop they are massive and i always clog the toilet. My dad says that its not normal to have huge turds. What can i do to make them smaller or at least softer and is it normal to have huge turds?

Turd Furgison's picture
0
0

I sympathize with Stonecold. My diet mostly consists of meat and I recently quit smoking.

My colon has become a cement mixer.

poopoo2big's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
0
0

My situation is contipation with hard, boluses and it is fat to the point of getting stuck in my tush while I am great pain and strain and push until I see stars. They are toilet cloggers as well. A few women in my past didn't like this at all. Some times I use an Inviacare bedside toilet with side handles which I can grasp and bear down more to push.I wish I could someone who understands and may do the same thing..then we are on an even keel!

Hands

Shelz's picture
0
0

glad to see im not the only person who has a poop breaker stick lolz

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
0

lol...the comment about "wait till your toilet calms down" just cracked me up! I now have the mental picture of a very nervous toilet looking frantically up at the person trying to shove a huge turd down it's throat with a tooth brush. LOL

potty mouth's picture
0
0

It's nice to know I'm not alone in my massive turd producing abilities. Since being on pain meds for a back problem, I have been severely constipated about twice a month, and sometimes while trying to poop out the equivelent of a watermelon, I have to stand up and suck the turd back in to my butt. It just hurts TOO BAD coming out, and I fear it's going to turn my booty hole inside out! It's usually a 2 day process to get these monsters out, and I usually end up in the shower spraying hot water on them to loosen them up. (It's all I could think of) and it does seem to help. I use one of those hand shower thingys. (Like a faucet attached to a long hose) so that I can spray the hot water directly on the turd that is usually stuck half in and half out of my butt. OR SOMETIMES...(Since it hurts too bad to sit down & push it out) I have to stand OVER the toilet and let it drop in the bowl. It just hurts less if I'm standing up for some reason. But being that I'm female, I feel really foolish. Thank God no one has caught me doing this. I'd really have some splainin' to do. What can I do to loosen these monsters from my butt BEFORE they become massive?

longdong von hugenshlong's picture
0
0

My poop is soda can round and usually longer than a foot. Part of my anus or something bleeds a little sometimes when I poop, it takes about 15 to 30 minutes for me to poop too. I'm a male and poop on a daily basis. I have caused over a thousand dollars in collateral damage with the flooding... how do I fix this.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
0
0

Dear longdong, You might try chopping your turds up before you flush them, or just learn to snap your asshole rhythmically and chop your turds on the way out.

One two,
chop up the poo.
Three four,
none on the floor.
Five six,
an easy fix.
Seven eight,
isn't this great!
Nine ten,
start over again.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

TurdLover's picture
0
0

Enjoy reading about the big long hard solid turds.
The Longer, Harder, More Solid they are the better I like 'em.

Keep Them Turds Coming!

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
0
0

Dear TL: Of course we'll keep them coming; we can't stop them. By using all that bold type, though, you make it look like you're more interested in the turds themselves than in us who produce them. Since this is a poop humor site, and only humans have a sense of humor, it's better to cultivate an interest in people who--yes, indeed--poop, rather than just the [pant, pant] turds.

tom thumb's picture
0
0

I just did a giant poo. I was going to hold it in due to the fact I've just moved in with two girls and was hoping for a bit of alone time . One's Czech and really hot , the others Polish and also very hot.

So I went , I flushed as the poo left me so I had gravity and water aiding it on its journey. However this was not enough. upon glancing into the toilet bowl the giant poo beast stared back at me. Its girth was at least 5 inchs maybe 6....and the length was impressive its ugly head protruding out of the water 'd say 10 inches. 3 flushes later it still hadn't moved, things were getting tense two hot girls, I don't want them to see my giant poo, so I bit the bullet and snapped its poo back with my bare hands...then freedom. this happened ten minutes ago.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
0
0

Don't worry tom, I'm sure there are thousands of hot girls out there that want to be with a poop stud like you.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
0
0

Yes ... and I feel sure they would have appreciated your macho move of snapping the poo in half with your bare hands. Did you cook a tasty meal for them as a follow-up? Peanut butter and jelly sammies would have been a good choice.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

ShitSuckingCOCK's picture
0
0

Yesterday I farted and crapped the biggest shit in my life. No joke, I hadn't pooped in like 2 weeks and now I let it rip and there in my pants I popped a massive one, it was so embarrassing. Anyone else done something like this before? I've never done such a big poop in my life.

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
0

Modern Warfare 2 was pissing me off so I took a huge dump and then I wiped it on the disc because in my mind it is shit

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
0
0

I find a turd with 5-6" girth hard to believe. Next time one of those comes out, measure its girth with a 4" sheet of toilet paper, and I'm sure you can give a more realistic measurement.

king_poo2010's picture
0
0

Hi poo nurse its nice to say I'm not the only poo missle launcher I've been known to drop some big meat loafs my record is 16 inches and 4 inches around if I messured the gurth ill prolly cover my self in brisket greese this happens from time to time my girl thinks I'm a nasty poo dumper she just sprayed the bathroom cause I don't I apreachiate the smell why is she so crankey about that ......

kingdom crapper's picture
0
0

I thought I was alone in the big poop industry. A few times a month I need to reach in with a plastic bag and pull out my master piece. The other day I was tempted to pick out the corn pieces, clean them, re-cook them, and of course since I am so thoughtful, offer my room mate some corn with her dinner.