why is my poop so big?

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j 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Stonecold asks:

Why do I poop so big? It is long, hard, and fat. I have to cut it up everytime I poop.






Dear StoneCold,

Thanks for the question! I now have a visual stuck in my head that you would not believe!

It's the old story, Stone. Fiber. Fiber. Fiber. You need at least 5 servings a day of fruits and vegetables. And with all that fiber, you must drink at least eight 8oz glasses of water or juice per day. If you don't drink a lot of fluids, you may get bunged up even more. And beer doesn't count as "fluids".

This should soften you right up and get you some soft sliders.

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?












264 Comments on "why is my poop so big?"

Anonymous's picture

This is the best website ever to read when you are pooping! Haha :) thanks to everyone for the great stories :) :)

Anonymous's picture

my dad once went on the john and it looked like a elephant shit in our bathroom. we had to drop in some acid in the toilet to dissolve the beast in the toilet cause it would not go down it eventually went down but it didnt go down without a fight. my craps are always thick and the fecal mmatter covers my ass any suggestions?

Anonymous's picture

OMFG just what I was looking for. I just took a massive shit. Like 3 inches in diameter, and always atleast 7 inches long. And believe me they are as stiff as a statue. They also smell. And I have to flush at least 5 times. Just dropped a deuce right now and clogged the toilet. Wont go away, and im 15 livin with my parents and sisters.... its fucken embarrassing. I need FIBER. GOD help me :,( its still there and they r gonna go in sooner or later. FUCK MY LIFE

Anonymous's picture

THE RAIDERS WILL WIN THE SUPER BOWL.

Anonymous's picture

man i took a poo just now and when i looked in the toilet i saw my turd in there and it was two feet long! O_O i kinda figured as much because i was constipated for a long time and i have been eating healthy, fruits, vegies, water, ect. so i have been dropping some pretty good logs but nothing quite like this one.

Anonymous's picture

I am a bit underweight according to body mass index... so, yeah, I'm quite thin girl, and I primarily eat natural foods—a ton of fruits, yogurt, oatmeals, and beans... I am constantly stunned by the length and girth of my poos; they're H U G E... and very regular (generally 4-5 times per week). I have a low-power toilet and it's really humiliating and gross to have to chop my excrement into sections for it to flush down the toilet at all... and even then it takes 3 or 4 flushes. A few times my butthole has even bled after takin' a poo. It's astounding.

Anonymous's picture

This site which I just found has given me many a chuckle. I decided to google, "Why are my son's feces so large?" prior to contact his pediatrician. He's 10 now but since he was 2 or 3, his turds have been scarily huge and have stopped up the toilet. I went outside and found a stick to chop it up. I'll get him back to drinking more water and consuming more fiber. Thanks for the insight!

Anonymous's picture

alright guys so I had acl surgery last week and I have been taking norco every 4 hours as the doctor prescribed. however, I did not get the colace until today. reason for getting it today? I hadn't pooped in about 6 days! and boy did the result of norco with no colace just reveal itself. considering I have a hard enough time getting to the bathroom with my knee in a brace, I had to bare a turd stuck near my rectum for hours and it wasn't coming out! so it finally just came out, dimensions were 10 inches long, 3.5 inch diameter. feeling on top of the world, i proceeded to flush. but this devil wasn't done yet. water would just go around and drain as lucifer stared back at me. I tried about 4 times and concluded physical action must be taken. but you must remember, I have limited mobility. luckily I see a pencil on the window seel and reached for it. avoiding the pain in my knee, the pencil was finally obtained. then I stood up with my crutches, leaned over. and started poking lucifer. after several seconds and a last stand by it, it was grinded enough to be flushed. this happened 15 min ago. and now my butt burns but I feel like a king. peace!

Anonymous's picture

Ive just done one at work it doubled up on itself and blocked the kazi solid.I used the loo brush to smash it up and left a huge clinker on the bottom of the brush so I just put it back in the holder for someone else to find probably my boss, at least the turds gone.

Anonymous's picture

It was a day at the office. My poop? Bigger than usual, thanks. Good thing some of it found it's way onto my sleeve for all the ladies to see as I exited the unisex bathroom, now horribly stained with shame.

Anonymous's picture

I no longer feel lonely!!! I got allot of useful advise. As funny and/or gross this subject is to others, it's a embarrassing and horrid situation to be in when your in it! I'm glad most of you are brave enough to even share your trauma with other traumatized poopers that require scoopers etc to flush!

POOPER'S ANONYMOUS.....
anyone want the challenge to write a 12 step program?

Anonymous's picture

Thank you all ao much. I was having a bad day at work and was getting to the end of my rope and happened to stumble across this tread. I was laughing much I almost pooped my pants. Friggin hilarious. You made a bad day bearable. By the way, my poops usually are explosive wet runny messed that splash the underside of the seat and my ass. Sometimes have to take a shower after a more explosive release than normal. Would live to do a distance check some day. Swear I am good for 3 feet or so.

Anonymous's picture

Well I have read this with a smile on my face knowing that I am not alone in the world of pan blocking :) I find the easiest way to drown the brown trout and make it dissapear down the old S bend is to boil a kettle and disolve the mother fcuker.

Let me know how you peeps get on, Dean from Rotherham

Anonymous's picture

So I just took some ridiculous pieces of big fat and long shits today and it also had some blood on it, probably because I was forcing my asshole violently to push it out and after it slide out out my asshole it hurtled like a mother fucker. It was also a hard task to flush the shits but I miraculously managed to do it from I know this might sound gross but I used gloves and with my hands I squished my shits so I was easier to flush and it worked like magic.

Anonymous's picture

I just pooped a 1 foot 6 inch turd. Is that a record, with roughly 2 inchs

Anonymous's picture

I feel like I weight less after I drop. Dues

Anonymous's picture

I have just dropped off a large horse shoe shaped pan cracker that blocked the toilet at work. It was massive, protruding out of the water, up the pan and doubling back down into the water again. I was so impressed with the delivery that I took a photo on my phone. However, it would not flush away even when provoked with a brush. Eventually the water level was only a couple of inches away from spilling over and was a deep thick brown colour. I tried in vain to remove the blockage but eventually admitted defeat as I did not have the tools to remedy the situation. As I sheepishly left the toilets the two cleaning ladies were walking in. I explained there was a problem in one of the cubicles and a Maintainance person might be required but stressed it was nothing to do with me. I take my hat off to the person who did eventually force that stodgy stool round the U-bend and hope they have not been left too disturbed.

Anonymous's picture

I strongly believe they should just make all of our lives easier and make bigger commodes. Personally I view my huge turds as a sign of my manliness. I'm 6'0 and about 180 so I think it's normal. #Kingoftheturdworld #gladtogetitout!

Anonymous's picture

I once held the record in Zurich for largest poo...it 12.7 courics

Anonymous's picture

This sight is too funny. I'm 6 months pregnant with twins and have been very constipated. I was able to take a poo, and my turd was so big I thought I gave birth to an alien. It freaked me out at first because I have never had a turd that big. It almost clogged my toilet.

Anonymous's picture

DEAR LORD..... Just went to the bath to have a crap, stood up to flush, and was transfixed by the width and length of this Doo......it was standing straight up out of the water, like a small child with its feet stuck in a pipe. I flushed and it just twirled around! I.ve never seen anything like it.

Anonymous's picture

Ok, who really measures their poop? Who Weighs their poop?

Is there a poop meter you can buy to weigh the poop? Is there a poop ruler that you can measure the length?

I think what is more important is the stink of the poop. If it stinks more, then you are healthy. I particularly like when I go into a public restroom and hear the groans from people who walk into the smell I give. I hear the groans and the comments like.."How about a courtesy flush?" Nothing like a good hearty laugh to force those stubborn turds out. Plus it sure is nice to share my smell with others. They all take a little bit of me with them in their noses,

Anonymous's picture

I poop skittles

Anonymous's picture

i may have to invent a kind of egg slicer style poop chopper upper...

Anonymous's picture

Ewwww

Anonymous's picture

I am a big thirty-five year old lady and I always drop a very big shit. I find it very satisfying when they're fat and extremely long.

Anonymous's picture

I am 14 and I am neither too skinny nor too fat. I am just right. I eat fruit, oranges, bananas, strawberries, grapes, etc.,and I exercise daily.

When I was in elementary school, in 6th grade, I used to do normal poos, soft and about three inches in diameter. Now that I eat more and have a high metabolism I guess I don't gain weight because I poop so big.

My dad sits in the toilet for like half an hour and he poops massively but never clogs the toilet. I sit in the toilet and in ten minutes I will take a shit so humongous, the poo never flushes.

There was a time when I took a shit and because my toilet is as slow as a mother fucker the filthy water just spilled out of the bowl. As a result my mom had to call a plumber to fix the toilet because every time I take a poo, the toilets either spill, get clogged, or flush on itself for a while.

I am not embarrassed for God's sake by my mom, sister, or dad! But every time I have to poop I have to have a stick to kill that beast!

I hate the taste of plain water but I still drink it. I drink plenty of juice and since someone mentioned Fiber One Oat bars, I am going to make sure to buy them. Thanks for the advice. I have a feeling that the poo I am about to take will need the help of a stick to go to its toilet-hole! Therefore I am going to run out and find a stick!

I hope someone invents a Poop-Chopper or something like that!

Anonymous's picture

My freshman year of high school, we were weighing in at a wrestling tournament. I had pooped the day before but for some reason my stomach was still killing me. I figured I'd just have to suck it up so I went to weigh in and found that I was 3 lbs over weight! I was under weight the day before! I stripped naked only to lose a few ounces so I went to run for a bit, then piss. I felt an immediate desire to drop a load. Well low and behold, after the 15 minute battle, I weighed back in and saw I had just shit a 4 pound cannon ball of fecal matter! It's now mandatory to shit the day before or on a weigh in at my old high school.

Anonymous's picture

My grandma told me there was something wrong with me because every time I poop at her condo I clog the tiny bathroom. I do the same at home but not all the time. Granny said I should tell my doctor.

Anonymous's picture

Okay, so here's the thing. It is 1AM and I have to take a massive dump but I'm afraid to because every time I do, I clog the toilet. I have no plunger and I have 2 roommates both of them being girls. If there's one thing I learned from my experiences it is the fact that big things really do come in small packages.

Anonymous's picture

I have pooping problems. Just this day, I went to the washroom. My turd was 5 inches in width, and 67 cm in length. There was poop and blood everywhere. I have to flush 6-9 times to get it down. I always have fiber, nuts and fruit. What do I do?

Anonymous's picture

There is a medical condition called "megacolon" that can occur where the large intestine close to the anal sphincter becomes expanded. In some cases, if left unchecked, this condition can lead to serious impaction of stool. While fiber helps in the short term, people with Mmegacolon may require surgery to reduce the diameter of the stretched out colon. In the worst case scenario, people who become seriously enlarged and then impacted can, after clearing the impaction, end up with a prolapse of the colon if the connecting tissue suspending is damaged. If the impaction continues for a while unchecked, you can experience megacolon toxicity which is highly dangerous. If a fiber regiment doesn't help, and you find yourself literally "shitting a brick" or worse yet unable to shit one you should strongly consider seeing a Doctor to avoid longer term health issues.

Anonymous's picture

OMG, I'm so glad I'm not the only one who does huge poos and blocks the toilet a lot. I suffer from constipation and only go to the toilet when none can hear me so I'm not too embarrassed. I hate blocking the toilet and I sort of have a 'phobia' of when the water goes high. So yeah, thanks so much to this site and question for making me feel a bit more normal! haha!

Anonymous's picture

When I was growing up I only went once a week. Every time I pooped my father had to come in and get my poop out of the toilet as it was too hard to be flushed, as it blocked the pipes.

Now I poop one to three times a day, still large poos but easier to get down the S bend thank goodness.

Now I have no trouble pooping but when I was a kid a had to push and push and push so hard to get it out!

Anonymous's picture

My poop is really large with alot of stuff like corn, peanuts, noodles etc.. But how come its always there even though I haven't eaten those things?!

Anonymous's picture

I'm never eating porridge again. I used too little a quantity of water and it was so dry and it absorbed all of the moisture in my colon and then turned into a substance similar to concrete.

When I tried to pass it during my mid morning break at work, I almost tore my poor ring piece to ribbons. I finally had to admit defeat and let it retreat back up there. My god the last three days have been a living hell. I bought some suppositories but they were poor quality and not up to the job. Every time I tried to get it out it hurt so bad and shredded my sore rectum like a cricket ball covered in builder's sand and glass shards.

At last I got hold of some glycerin sups (the best in my book) and dosed up on pain killers ready for the big push. It stung at first but once the main porridge concrete mass was out of the way the rest was a cinch.

I feel a million dollars now and could dance with joy. I feel like I want to tell the world!

Anonymous's picture

I'm just glad I can poo!

Anonymous's picture

I hadnt took a shit in a week and when i finally went it was so big it wouldnt come out no matter how much i pushed it was so painful.....i was not gna sit there and push out that foot ball that was in there so i bought enema at walgreens it broke it up but it was still painful :( im definately gna stp using percocets 30mg cuz these are the results really bad constipation

Anonymous's picture

two feet?!?!?!? wwwooooaaahhh

Anonymous's picture

i find that really sexy x

Anonymous's picture

Stop mixing your metric and imperial measurements. Your poo will then be much more consistent and should go down with only 2 or 3 flushes.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Megacolon sounds suspiciously similar to the condition called "Stretched cornholius" down here in Tennessee. This uncomfortable, but seldom fatal, condition is often contracted during white water canoeing and the sound of banjos often precedes its onset.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous's picture

Isn't Megacolon some heavy metal band?

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear anonymous, You may just be using two much paper when you wipe your hiney. Leave it unwiped when you visit granny and see whether she prefers stank ass over clogged toilets.

Good luck.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous's picture

Hey, I think I may be boinking your granny! She tells me the same thing.

Seth Bullock's picture

Hey man, If your story is not a Joke here's what you should do. Go To The E.R immediately! Why go there? You Shit Blood all the time and that is not good! I don't know how old that Post was so maybe you are already Dead {Colon Cancer}.

I'm a Doctor in my offline Life. You should already know this, but maybe you are a kid. If it is a true story: it is not Natural nor Normal to have "... poop and blood everywhere."!! Not even once!! That's True even if you do eat a very large amount of Fiber every Day! Even an active,large hemorrhoid would not account for "...Blood & poop everywhere."

Turd Hugegrunt's picture

Stonecold asks: "Why do I poop so big? It is long, hard, and fat. I have to cut it up everytime I poop."

More detail requested, eg:

Scissors? Kitchen knife? Chainsaw?

Oh, and are you the person responsible for leaving the huge grunts unflushed in Kayla's dorm suite? (see: "What Causes Giant Logs?" thread) If so, we need to know 2 things: (1) Are you male, female, or transgender; and (2) Why are you not flushing the toilet?

Peace in the Poopchute.

Pooperscooper's picture

Assphelgm, one of our members, has a great story in the PR.com archive entitled 'An Unbalanced Breakfast'-- a stirring saga in which he described how he produced a bright blue turd.

In the thread discussion that accompanies the article, he mentioned that he always produced huge turds and his mom showed him how to chop them up with a coat hanger so they would flush.

Someone else (I dont remember his name ): ) wrote us a story. He went to his girlfriend's house to meet her parents. In the bathroom , he saw a slender stick by the toilet. The stick was painted blue.

In all innocence, he asked what it was for. His girlfriend became tense and defensive, as did her mother.

But the father of the family was glad to explain. The blue stick was a turd chopper. The girl's brother happened to produce huge turds, had always done, so and they plugged the toilet.

So Dad created a turd chopper and kept it by the toilet. The thing was coated with water proof paint, and blue was the only color Dad had available.

So--lots of people produce giant turds.

I envy them.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

As a giant turd producer I thank you, pooperscooper. And as for having your poop get small and soft, try focussing on the "clear foods" as mentioned on the Simpsons. If it turns paper clear when it's rubbed on it, it's a clear food. They'll give you the runs and you'll never have to worry about hard shit again...

Of course you'll probably be dead from a stroke or a heart attack, so it wouldn't matter anyway.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Erik Olsovsky's picture

I have had trouble with larget turds for some time also...my record was 14 inches long and what looked to be about 5 or more inches around....I couldn't actually measure the girth without getting shit on my fingers. But what i did to make them smaller and softer was eat Puerco Pabil...that did the trick.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

You should have sent that nasty bowl snake into ratemypoo.com.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points

I too produce some pretty gurthy loaves.

Fiber will act as a bulking agent, water must be consumed while eating lots of fiber.

The ultimate questions are. A. How long have you been producing monster logs? B. Do they come out easy? If you answered most of your life, and fairly easy to those two questions, I wouldn't worry much. I know the unjamming toilets part of mega pooping is a real pain in the ass (did I just say that?)

Just keep your turdchopper at hand. I too require a turdchopper to help things to their final destination.

The fact is some people are just born toilet cloggers. As long as this is not new, don't loose sleep over it.
_______
Born to clog your bog, with a giant log.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

Chris B's picture

Is there any tool specifically made for breaking up or cutting big or hard poops? I know that in the past I seen a toilet sword or something but now I cant find anything.

Thanks

Chris

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

I think Stonecold was my college roomate in 1993.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I am a 21 year old male. Recently, I have been doing desk work instead of my normal physical labor. I used to shit about 5 times a week but now I shit only 1 or 2 times a week. My turds are literally longer then my arm and big around as a soda can. What causes this? Thanks.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

For AC from 5/25/2007 To answer your query:

Food, mostly, along with dead cells, cellular waste by-products, and other kind of grody stuff.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Diarea's picture

My poop is very huge. It also hurts my buttcheeks when I go. It stings and when i wipe it takes up most my toilet paper. Even if I eat a couple peanuts, they show every time. I truly need help, so please do!! Thanks

Anonymous Coward's picture

my shit is allways fat hard long i go once a week i take a lot of fiber fruits no help

OneHeinousAnus's picture

I just took a poop (Well, technically TWO poops...) about 10 minutes ago.

Both came out at the same time and were about 5 inches long and an inch in diameter for both.

One slid down the toilet with ease, but the other one, which was rather clunky with fecal matter bits, plugged up the can.

I unfortunately had to get out a cotton swab to break it up.

Kayla Simons's picture

i have hard,stuck poop in my butt right now.everytime i try to push,it hurts toooooo much,and i suck them back into my butt and give up.i want them to get softer while they are already in my butt.What can i do to make them EXTRA soft?

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Fiber, fiber, fiber. Water, water, water.

Start eating apples, bananas, and salads. Drink lots of water. And if that's not to your liking, drinking very yeasty beer will help!


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Anonymous Coward's picture

I just found this website accident, but found it very interesting and thought I should share my experiences. Since I was young; 42 now, I have moved my bowels on an average of 3 times a day. Many times the BM would be really long, sometimes 12 inches. I am not one to sit on the toilet and read a magazine either; usually done in 1 min or less. I also never really had constipation or diarrhea. My problem is that when I have to go, there is no waiting; have to fine a bathroom soon. I swear everything I eat goes right out the other end in no time. My diet includes everthing, but not many sweets. I have never been on a diet and pretty much eat what ever I want. My weight is 136 and height about 5'4. I no I am busy person, but I don't exercise. My god if I did that, I'd probably have to live in the bathroom. Is there anyone else that has the same issue? I have heard of people that don't go for 1-2 weeks. Where do they hold it all?

Anonymous Coward's picture

Does anybody know what ATW Means?

Anonymous Coward's picture

i dont know how to fart at will and i want to be able to do so. does any one know what position is best to fart at will?

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Well my favorite is to get him to lie on the ground and lower my butt right over his face.

Logjam

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

WARNING WARNING Will, Dr. Smith is dropping his pants!

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points


A guy is sat up in bed, in hospital. A nurse can see him from her desk out of the corner of her eye.

Our bed ridden friend, slowly, starts to fall to the left.

The nurse, predicting a fall, jumps up from her desk, and expediently stuffs a pillow under his left side.

The nurse returns to her desk.

Just as she sits, (say 'she sits' three times quickly) our captive hero, falls slowly to the right.

The nurse, again, concerned, jumps up and promptly stuffs another pillow under our hero's right side.

Again, the nurse returns to her post.

She parks her behind, somewhat frustrated, only to witness or martyr now slowly falling forward.

Yet again, the now fatigued nurse, jumps up, and frantically stuffs a pillow under his chin.

Our hero, is now essentially immobile.

An hour or so passes, visiting time arrives, as does Mrs. hero.

"So darling, how is the food, do you need me to get you anything, how are they treating you?"

(A very caring woman)

"well," explains hero, "the food is great, I don't really need anything, but It worries me that the nurse won't let me fart"

_______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points


Apologies for spelling. Damn! I should check before posting more often!
_______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Great Joke! I don't use spell check or anything either. If I make a mistake, so be it. Thats the real me.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Hello, my poo won't flush and it's quite big too so... what might be my problem? is there a a food I should stop eating in particular?

Postman's picture
k 500+ points

AC, as you've seen on other posts on this thread, eat more fiber. If that doesn't work, I'd start shitting outside.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Postman, that might not be good advice, especially if you still have a walking mail route.

Postman's picture
k 500+ points

Actually, PD, I recently took over a driving route. Kind of out in the country, lots of farmland and rural areas to leave a deposit on.

Southwind's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I have never dated a man whose toilet I didn't clog up with vicious waste. And of course, I consider plumbing repairs to be a man's job. Could this be why I'm still not married?

_______
"Piece out!"

"Piece out!"

Anonymous Coward's picture

Help

Me arse hurts!!! I just did one hell of a big shit and i fell to the ground in pain and screamed, It hurts

My poops are huge. hard and fat.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Cipa

The other day ^^^ I did a poop to , it was fucking massive it took 10 times to push out and when it dropped i think my bumhole split and i fell to the ground in pain and crying.

Anonymous Coward's picture

i did a 6 in. poop yesterday and it didn't flush and now i did another 6 in. poop a little while ago today. i had to push really hard. so now, i have two massive turds that came out over a period of two days that are clogged in my toilet now. how can you unclog it?

Anonymous's picture

stick your hand in there and break it up.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Try to find an enzymatic clog remover at your local superstore. Or, if you have a good hardware store, they might be able to help you with what's best for your pipes.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

And from now on, keep a poo chopper by your toilet so this won't happen again. Our family is known for big shits and we have to keep a stick by the toilet bowl to cut up Gigantor before flushing it down.

_______
Born right the first time.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Anonymous Coward's picture

I suffer from the giant turd affliction, my craps are up to 2 inches in diameter. But I try to go every couple of days so there's less of a compaction factor and things come out easier. It used to be a huge problem for me, and it was really embarrassing to ask my mom to help me unclog the toilet every time I crapped when I was a kid.

Adam J.'s picture

I have massive stinky toilet filling poops. I routinely stain the bowl and have to flush 3-5 times after each poop. My co-workers are disgusted by the stench and will take an hour plus for the heat and filthy smell to clear out. Even Lysol won't help. What shoudl I do?

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Adam, I think you should get in touch with Feto D. Walcott and see if he's looking for a roommate.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Chichen Itza Bonanza Karina Georgette's picture

i wanted to know why i always poop and then wipe my butt and then there is blood and then i cry and then i get help from my bf but i always want to know how to make this stop i don't like bleeding from my butt it hurts

hayley's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I can produce some mighty thick long hefty turds. I poop every day and it's just how my normal turds are.

LongBigPoops's picture

i have been pooping some huge longs that dont like to flush down the toilet, i cut them up with my toilet plunger and then wash it off, as gross as it may sound it works.

Ani's picture

my son suffer for Huge,hard & long timing poops since almost born , so this is not really about fiber and fluids , there must be unother reason all with t he same condition share , and the bloody docs didn't found yet ...

Anonymous's picture

My son suffered as well. The docs said he had slow bowels, so we had to give him a teaspoon mineral oil mixed in with his bottles. It loosened the poop and is also a natural way to help this problem, and it is non habit forming!

two girls one cup's picture

wow... you ppl are... weird. talking about poop... i mean.. poops poop but why go into detail? lol i dont want to know that ur poop was so big it made ur butthole hurt for weeks and it bled all over. . . nor do i need to know that you have peanuts in there either.
hmm. negatory....

Anonymous's picture

You should go take a poop. Maybe you wont be so rude.

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points

Army disposal stores sell all kinds of cheap rubbish that looks more-or-less military.
I once bought a beaut machete with a serrated top edge, and seeing as how its useless for any real jungle work, I reckon it would be just the thing for slicing up turds.

_______
The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

Anonymous Coward's picture

You guys are crazy!!

Anonymous Coward's picture

I poop real big. And when I was little, even still now I've sometimes held it, but for a while there I would go everyday or so and it'd be small, soft and flushable. But now it's back to being huge and now I am afraid to go, I feel so embarrasses to ask for my Mom to check the toilet before I flush. My mom doesn't have a poop crusher and she doesn't realize that I can't help it, and now I've read the replie to someof these things but will fiber and fruits help me with my situation? Cause I really cannot go on livinglike this anymore. I like to poop, LOL, I don't want anything to prevent me from doing that like a normal human being

L dawg's picture

I too make big turds. what you have to do is find a toothbrush you don't use anymore and stab the turd with the handle into 1-2 inch peices to get it down the hole. If the water starts to rise StOp FlUsHiING!! or else your fecal matter will end up on the floor. Just wait until your toilet calms down. you might have to stick your toothbrush pretty far up the hole before easing your poop through. good luck and maybe you should wear some of those big yellow rubber gloves.

Russell's picture
l 100+ points

If you want soft caca, just eat toothpaste!

Russell the shitting queen

Anonymous Coward's picture

my poops are giant they are always bad to do and i plug the toliet alot i do not know why but i just do everytime almost and i do not know why still i eat alot does that have to do with it?? can you help my poop qeustion my poop ios depending on you thank you

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Hello AC, of course what you eat can affect how you poop; today's feast yields tomorrow's feces. My guess is you may need more water and more fiber, especially nuts or bran cereal. Also exercise enough; not necessarily on treadmills or equipment, but lots of walking, yard work, etc. Those factors should lead you to softer, easier poops. You may poop more, especially more often, but the results should be easier to flush. Try it!

Angry at Toilet Designers's picture

Why can't the toilet designers make the toilet pipes wider?!? Since I was a kid, I've been stopping up pipes. Dang, just make a better toilet!

Samantha's picture

Hi...Everytime i try pushing out my poop, it hurts...so as soon as it comes out, my butt hurts and sometimes i bleed. Why does this happen? is this some form of constipation? And also my body function in a way people wouldn't understand. i can't just go to the bathroom and poop, i have to concentrate...why am i like that?

Russell's picture
l 100+ points

Fiber helps you to have softer poop. Vegetables help soften them too
_______
Russell the shitting queen

Russell the shitting queen

Anonymous Coward's picture

American standard makes toilets that can handle turfs up to 5 pounds in weight. I'd challange any one involved in this thread to back up a champion 4 or a cadet 3. I put a cadet 3 in my house and have been trying for weeks to back it up. No luck yet. Will advise.

Anonymous Coward's picture

haha hard shit ayye you bastard

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

The Anonymous Coward who posted immediately above deserves some credit for the stupidest comment I think I have ever read. What does it mean? What is the meaning of the word ayye, is it English or some other language? Come back after you graduate from primary school AC, that is if you ever do...sheeesh....


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Samantha--if your butt hurts and you bleed when you poop, see your doctor if this has been going on a while. Pooping is supposed to be reasonably easy (you should have to push a bit, but not to make you hurt or bleed).

AC 5/5/9: I admire you for having a toilet that can handle turfs (though I think the plural of turf is turves); mine does well to handle turds. Does your potty prefer Astro-turfs?

Carnage's picture

You people are very strange. I laughed out loud at some of your issues. I'm laughing at you.
What you need is medical Help. Sorry, but I can't give you people it. You should also try talking to a therapist.

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

Buy Ron Popiels Poop Chopper. It slices and dices any size turd. Plus, if you buy now, you get the poop crazy cutters and the poop juicer. All for 3 easy payments of $19.95.

Carnage again's picture

GROSS!!lol..hahaha.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear Nicholas......If the details had not been added you would not have been so obviously entertained. Bring over a few cases of your uncle's wine and we will discuss this issue further, OK if I invite Daphne too?


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

YES.

Currently, I'm waiting for a case of wine from California that my mother ordered for me for Mother's Day. At first it was only eight bottles, but the winery felt bad about the fact that it never showed up. This is the second time in a year that our postal system 'damaged' the wine.

Maybe our post office has a resident wino like myself and knows our address!

Chief, I will bring the cheese, and you can cut it. I hear it's your specialty.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Daphne....you may want to have a little "talk" with Postman...wrap the BanHammer in some velour, or similar soft cloth, leaves less of a mark.


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Right Daphne......I am an expert at cutting stinky cheese that even a Frenchman would envy.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Bilge, Postman just took a position at the Doggin Thunderbutt Institute. Although I don't usually take gifts from new hires, he did send me four bottles of a wonderful California wine. They were great!

Postman's picture
k 500+ points

Daphne, I just happen to be the resident post office wino. Any way I can help, let me know.

Except between 8 am and 4:30pm, when I'm hard at work at the Doggin/Thunderbutt Institute.

Rebel Scum's picture

Does anyone know where I can buy starwars battlefront 3 for playstation 2?? They finally have a Juggernaut tank. But it doesn't look anything like it in the movies. Please let me know when it comes on for playstation 2.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Rebel Scum......You are supposed to be talking about shit....Are you on the wrong website? You make me ashamed to be a Reb. Does a Juggernaut tank have anything to do with boobs??


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

PD... said, " Bilge, Postman just took a position at the Doggin Thunderbutt Institute. Although I don't usually take gifts from new hires, he did send me four bottles of a wonderful California wine. They were great!"

My question is; Why did I only get pair of Rossie O'Donuts soiled panties?


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Postman's picture
k 500+ points

Sorry, Chief. I'm in my suck up mode now. I meant to send you a pair of Angelina Jolie's panties.

jeff janus's picture

My poop is abnormally long.. ieverytime nature calls I am terrified as to what's going to come out of my butt.. I feel like a small kid is climbing out of my rear.. I don't know why this happens and its extremely painful...I have to scream sometimes while pushing out these massive turds... I am convinced its some sort of disease bc my poops are never normal.. I have nightmares about the bathroom..please help

Charlie's picture

"Buy Ron Popiels Poop Chopper. It slices and dices any size turd. Plus, if you buy now, you get the poop crazy cutters and the poop juicer. All for 3 easy payments of $19.95."

Oh man, I can't tell you just how invaluable Ron's poop juicer has become to both my cooking and my budget. We haven't had to buy orange juice in years!

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Those of you who have huge turds: Be glad you have turds, even huge ones, and not diarrhea or severe constipation. Yes, an unflushable is an embarrassment; but at least it's no longer inside. To get more manageable turds, drink a lot more water--64 oz. a day--and eat high-fiber foods like whole wheat, celery, nuts, and the like. Also, try going to sit on the toilet at the same time every day, perhaps after breakfast (and be SURE to eat a good breakfast!), and wait 10 or 15 minutes to see if you can poop. If you set up a more regular pattern, I'd bet you'd have more "normal" poop.

Z, just Z's picture

My poop aren't actually long but like a big circle. It's like my body is rolling the poop up into a big ball then trying to fit it out. Like trying to get a baseball to fit though a hole the size of a golf ball. So obviously it doesn't fit well and hurts and sometimes bleeds. I do have to break it up a bit before it comes out. So why am I shitting baseballs?

Anonymous Coward's picture

hi i am 12 years old. y do i piss everey time i take a shit?? is there n e way 2 stop dis? i am to scared to take a piss because i mite shit my underwhere in school at the urnels so i always go take a shit on the toilet even when i dont need to :(

Artful Dodger's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points

I weep for the sorry state of public education.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Don't weep yet Dodger.....The post may have been made by a kindergarten prodigy. :-))

PS: My smiley above indicates that I have a double chin.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Artful Dodger's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points

Chief, at 12 years old our friend best be a kindergarten prodigy.

:~(~~~~

P.S. My frownie indicates tears falling like rain.

Anonymous Coward's picture

hhahhahaha u fked up big time shame my poos a monster what shall i do theres magets inside and lots of worms with nuts i like bulls :D

Moderators comment...I let this poorly written comment with abominable spelling slide past me so I could cheer up all you American posters who have failed to master the English language. This poster is from the UK, the dear queen would shit her granny panties if she read this.

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points

Can you still buy those plastic tube things that you push into an orange to get the juice out? You know the things- they are a couple of inches long by about an inch diameter with a little serrated edge on the end.
One of those things might make a good turd-corer, and once the turd has been cored, it might collapse easier (or it might make a good hole for a firecracker).
Just a thought...
_______
The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

BM!!!! Where you been mate? Found yourself a real hot Barbie (wink wink)?

JakePitty3's picture

I have been taking huge shits for the last year or so and my ass has started to bleed after several of them. Two times I had to use my pointer finger to relieve a massive turd that was fighting to come out. Is there any solution to relieving my tight ass instead of having to use my bare hands.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

JP3: Several possible solutions, all involving your diet: (1) Drink lots of water, at various times during the day, to soften and lubricate your poop; (2) Eat lots of fiber foods such as veggies, whole wheat breat, kidney or navy beans, etc., to make yourself poop more often and not let the poop stiffen and harden inside you; (3) Set yourself regular bathroom times when you can go and sit for 10 to 15 minutes on the pot and possibly poop an extra time to keep your intestines moving things along.

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points

Maybe JP3 should have a talk with a gynaecologist, and see if he can borrow the big shiny things that look like barbecue tongs.
_______
The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

Bob Farm's picture

Holy Cow! I just pinched a monster, this thing was incredible!!! I cannot believe I had something like this inside of me. It was a terror to push this thing out, I was starting to panic and wondering what I was going to do. Can you imagine the 911 call?

Riot's picture

Lmao.
I laughed so hard at this,not at anyones suffering,but just the fact everyone is talking so openly about their huge dumps.

Thank you for a great laugh.

and from the sounds of it my 'big' poops are nowhere as big as those describe. I have girly poops I guess. But I am girl :\ :D

all dat dump inside yo trunk's picture

so this morning, i got up and had to go real bad, this was the most massive crap of my whole life, it took me a half hour just to get it out, it hurt too, i swear the poop was like 2 inches in diameter or more, it was about 6 inches long too, and owww hurt. My bum hurts now. I eat a healthy diet I think its cuz i was holding it all yesterday cuz i hate to go in public bathrooms and i was out all day. But now i think i will have to go every day because i dont like these huge turds coming out they hurt !!

toilet clogger all day's picture

I always clogg my toilet, but today i had to call a plummer roto rooter guy, how embarrasing.
He saw the toilet, and the first thing he said was holy sheep shit..So i ran out the house and went to my neighbor's to take a dump.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

TC all day: So helpful to your neighbor! Did you clog his toilet also? Did you recommend your plumber to him? What a great way to "spread the wealth" in these economic times!

Anonymous Coward's picture

hi, For a few months now ive ben having these poop that are really bulky and its like 5 or 6 pieces that come out all at once.. its alot! like my whole stomach came out.. anyway! this is just sometimes, maybe once a week. The texture is soft and my stomach feels nauseous when its coming out. is it too much fibre or sumthin?? thanks!!

meowpoo's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

did you know that poop can be big or small but it don't really matter.notice any thing? -- what smells? shit!

-- what smells? shit!

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

AC 8 28 Too much fiber will likely make your stool loose (liquid) or sloppy to a lesser degree; not likely to come as you described it, big and bulky. If the problem persists, see your doctor.

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points

meowpoo...

I contemplated your post 09.21.09, and I swear, I had an epiphany!
My God! Poop can be big OR small!!!
And the more I pondered it, the more enlightening and obvious it became- it don't really matter!!!
I now know that there is no need for a shift key, space bar, punctuation, or grammar either!
I feel I have reached a higher spiritual place.

_______
The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.