why is my poop so big?

// // 264 Comments
j 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
0
0

Stonecold asks:

Why do I poop so big? It is long, hard, and fat. I have to cut it up everytime I poop.






Dear StoneCold,

Thanks for the question! I now have a visual stuck in my head that you would not believe!

It's the old story, Stone. Fiber. Fiber. Fiber. You need at least 5 servings a day of fruits and vegetables. And with all that fiber, you must drink at least eight 8oz glasses of water or juice per day. If you don't drink a lot of fluids, you may get bunged up even more. And beer doesn't count as "fluids".

This should soften you right up and get you some soft sliders.

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?












264 Comments on "why is my poop so big?"

Anonymous's picture

You should go take a poop. Maybe you wont be so rude.

Anonymous's picture

I'm just glad I can poo!

Anonymous's picture

I'm never eating porridge again. I used too little a quantity of water and it was so dry and it absorbed all of the moisture in my colon and then turned into a substance similar to concrete.

When I tried to pass it during my mid morning break at work, I almost tore my poor ring piece to ribbons. I finally had to admit defeat and let it retreat back up there. My god the last three days have been a living hell. I bought some suppositories but they were poor quality and not up to the job. Every time I tried to get it out it hurt so bad and shredded my sore rectum like a cricket ball covered in builder's sand and glass shards.

At last I got hold of some glycerin sups (the best in my book) and dosed up on pain killers ready for the big push. It stung at first but once the main porridge concrete mass was out of the way the rest was a cinch.

I feel a million dollars now and could dance with joy. I feel like I want to tell the world!

Anonymous's picture

My poop is really large with alot of stuff like corn, peanuts, noodles etc.. But how come its always there even though I haven't eaten those things?!

Anonymous's picture

When I was growing up I only went once a week. Every time I pooped my father had to come in and get my poop out of the toilet as it was too hard to be flushed, as it blocked the pipes.

Now I poop one to three times a day, still large poos but easier to get down the S bend thank goodness.

Now I have no trouble pooping but when I was a kid a had to push and push and push so hard to get it out!

Anonymous's picture

OMG, I'm so glad I'm not the only one who does huge poos and blocks the toilet a lot. I suffer from constipation and only go to the toilet when none can hear me so I'm not too embarrassed. I hate blocking the toilet and I sort of have a 'phobia' of when the water goes high. So yeah, thanks so much to this site and question for making me feel a bit more normal! haha!

Anonymous's picture

My freshman year of high school, we were weighing in at a wrestling tournament. I had pooped the day before but for some reason my stomach was still killing me. I figured I'd just have to suck it up so I went to weigh in and found that I was 3 lbs over weight! I was under weight the day before! I stripped naked only to lose a few ounces so I went to run for a bit, then piss. I felt an immediate desire to drop a load. Well low and behold, after the 15 minute battle, I weighed back in and saw I had just shit a 4 pound cannon ball of fecal matter! It's now mandatory to shit the day before or on a weigh in at my old high school.

Seth Bullock's picture

Hey man, If your story is not a Joke here's what you should do. Go To The E.R immediately! Why go there? You Shit Blood all the time and that is not good! I don't know how old that Post was so maybe you are already Dead {Colon Cancer}.

I'm a Doctor in my offline Life. You should already know this, but maybe you are a kid. If it is a true story: it is not Natural nor Normal to have "... poop and blood everywhere."!! Not even once!! That's True even if you do eat a very large amount of Fiber every Day! Even an active,large hemorrhoid would not account for "...Blood & poop everywhere."

Anonymous's picture

Hey, I think I may be boinking your granny! She tells me the same thing.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear anonymous, You may just be using two much paper when you wipe your hiney. Leave it unwiped when you visit granny and see whether she prefers stank ass over clogged toilets.

Good luck.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous's picture

My grandma told me there was something wrong with me because every time I poop at her condo I clog the tiny bathroom. I do the same at home but not all the time. Granny said I should tell my doctor.

Anonymous's picture

Okay, so here's the thing. It is 1AM and I have to take a massive dump but I'm afraid to because every time I do, I clog the toilet. I have no plunger and I have 2 roommates both of them being girls. If there's one thing I learned from my experiences it is the fact that big things really do come in small packages.

Anonymous's picture

Isn't Megacolon some heavy metal band?

Anonymous's picture

I am a big thirty-five year old lady and I always drop a very big shit. I find it very satisfying when they're fat and extremely long.

Anonymous's picture

I am 14 and I am neither too skinny nor too fat. I am just right. I eat fruit, oranges, bananas, strawberries, grapes, etc.,and I exercise daily.

When I was in elementary school, in 6th grade, I used to do normal poos, soft and about three inches in diameter. Now that I eat more and have a high metabolism I guess I don't gain weight because I poop so big.

My dad sits in the toilet for like half an hour and he poops massively but never clogs the toilet. I sit in the toilet and in ten minutes I will take a shit so humongous, the poo never flushes.

There was a time when I took a shit and because my toilet is as slow as a mother fucker the filthy water just spilled out of the bowl. As a result my mom had to call a plumber to fix the toilet because every time I take a poo, the toilets either spill, get clogged, or flush on itself for a while.

I am not embarrassed for God's sake by my mom, sister, or dad! But every time I have to poop I have to have a stick to kill that beast!

I hate the taste of plain water but I still drink it. I drink plenty of juice and since someone mentioned Fiber One Oat bars, I am going to make sure to buy them. Thanks for the advice. I have a feeling that the poo I am about to take will need the help of a stick to go to its toilet-hole! Therefore I am going to run out and find a stick!

I hope someone invents a Poop-Chopper or something like that!

Anonymous's picture

Ewwww

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Megacolon sounds suspiciously similar to the condition called "Stretched cornholius" down here in Tennessee. This uncomfortable, but seldom fatal, condition is often contracted during white water canoeing and the sound of banjos often precedes its onset.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous's picture

There is a medical condition called "megacolon" that can occur where the large intestine close to the anal sphincter becomes expanded. In some cases, if left unchecked, this condition can lead to serious impaction of stool. While fiber helps in the short term, people with Mmegacolon may require surgery to reduce the diameter of the stretched out colon. In the worst case scenario, people who become seriously enlarged and then impacted can, after clearing the impaction, end up with a prolapse of the colon if the connecting tissue suspending is damaged. If the impaction continues for a while unchecked, you can experience megacolon toxicity which is highly dangerous. If a fiber regiment doesn't help, and you find yourself literally "shitting a brick" or worse yet unable to shit one you should strongly consider seeing a Doctor to avoid longer term health issues.

Anonymous's picture

I poop skittles

Anonymous's picture

My son suffered as well. The docs said he had slow bowels, so we had to give him a teaspoon mineral oil mixed in with his bottles. It loosened the poop and is also a natural way to help this problem, and it is non habit forming!

Anonymous's picture

Stop mixing your metric and imperial measurements. Your poo will then be much more consistent and should go down with only 2 or 3 flushes.

Anonymous's picture

i may have to invent a kind of egg slicer style poop chopper upper...

Anonymous's picture

Ok, who really measures their poop? Who Weighs their poop?

Is there a poop meter you can buy to weigh the poop? Is there a poop ruler that you can measure the length?

I think what is more important is the stink of the poop. If it stinks more, then you are healthy. I particularly like when I go into a public restroom and hear the groans from people who walk into the smell I give. I hear the groans and the comments like.."How about a courtesy flush?" Nothing like a good hearty laugh to force those stubborn turds out. Plus it sure is nice to share my smell with others. They all take a little bit of me with them in their noses,

Anonymous's picture

This sight is too funny. I'm 6 months pregnant with twins and have been very constipated. I was able to take a poo, and my turd was so big I thought I gave birth to an alien. It freaked me out at first because I have never had a turd that big. It almost clogged my toilet.

Anonymous's picture

i find that really sexy x

Anonymous's picture

So I just took some ridiculous pieces of big fat and long shits today and it also had some blood on it, probably because I was forcing my asshole violently to push it out and after it slide out out my asshole it hurtled like a mother fucker. It was also a hard task to flush the shits but I miraculously managed to do it from I know this might sound gross but I used gloves and with my hands I squished my shits so I was easier to flush and it worked like magic.

Anonymous's picture

It was a day at the office. My poop? Bigger than usual, thanks. Good thing some of it found it's way onto my sleeve for all the ladies to see as I exited the unisex bathroom, now horribly stained with shame.

Anonymous's picture

I have just dropped off a large horse shoe shaped pan cracker that blocked the toilet at work. It was massive, protruding out of the water, up the pan and doubling back down into the water again. I was so impressed with the delivery that I took a photo on my phone. However, it would not flush away even when provoked with a brush. Eventually the water level was only a couple of inches away from spilling over and was a deep thick brown colour. I tried in vain to remove the blockage but eventually admitted defeat as I did not have the tools to remedy the situation. As I sheepishly left the toilets the two cleaning ladies were walking in. I explained there was a problem in one of the cubicles and a Maintainance person might be required but stressed it was nothing to do with me. I take my hat off to the person who did eventually force that stodgy stool round the U-bend and hope they have not been left too disturbed.

Anonymous's picture

I just pooped a 1 foot 6 inch turd. Is that a record, with roughly 2 inchs

Anonymous's picture

DEAR LORD..... Just went to the bath to have a crap, stood up to flush, and was transfixed by the width and length of this Doo......it was standing straight up out of the water, like a small child with its feet stuck in a pipe. I flushed and it just twirled around! I.ve never seen anything like it.

Anonymous's picture

I have pooping problems. Just this day, I went to the washroom. My turd was 5 inches in width, and 67 cm in length. There was poop and blood everywhere. I have to flush 6-9 times to get it down. I always have fiber, nuts and fruit. What do I do?

Anonymous's picture

I once held the record in Zurich for largest poo...it 12.7 courics

Anonymous's picture

I strongly believe they should just make all of our lives easier and make bigger commodes. Personally I view my huge turds as a sign of my manliness. I'm 6'0 and about 180 so I think it's normal. #Kingoftheturdworld #gladtogetitout!

Anonymous's picture

Well I have read this with a smile on my face knowing that I am not alone in the world of pan blocking :) I find the easiest way to drown the brown trout and make it dissapear down the old S bend is to boil a kettle and disolve the mother fcuker.

Let me know how you peeps get on, Dean from Rotherham

Anonymous's picture

I feel like I weight less after I drop. Dues

Anonymous's picture

Thank you all ao much. I was having a bad day at work and was getting to the end of my rope and happened to stumble across this tread. I was laughing much I almost pooped my pants. Friggin hilarious. You made a bad day bearable. By the way, my poops usually are explosive wet runny messed that splash the underside of the seat and my ass. Sometimes have to take a shower after a more explosive release than normal. Would live to do a distance check some day. Swear I am good for 3 feet or so.

Anonymous's picture

I no longer feel lonely!!! I got allot of useful advise. As funny and/or gross this subject is to others, it's a embarrassing and horrid situation to be in when your in it! I'm glad most of you are brave enough to even share your trauma with other traumatized poopers that require scoopers etc to flush!

POOPER'S ANONYMOUS.....
anyone want the challenge to write a 12 step program?

Anonymous's picture

alright guys so I had acl surgery last week and I have been taking norco every 4 hours as the doctor prescribed. however, I did not get the colace until today. reason for getting it today? I hadn't pooped in about 6 days! and boy did the result of norco with no colace just reveal itself. considering I have a hard enough time getting to the bathroom with my knee in a brace, I had to bare a turd stuck near my rectum for hours and it wasn't coming out! so it finally just came out, dimensions were 10 inches long, 3.5 inch diameter. feeling on top of the world, i proceeded to flush. but this devil wasn't done yet. water would just go around and drain as lucifer stared back at me. I tried about 4 times and concluded physical action must be taken. but you must remember, I have limited mobility. luckily I see a pencil on the window seel and reached for it. avoiding the pain in my knee, the pencil was finally obtained. then I stood up with my crutches, leaned over. and started poking lucifer. after several seconds and a last stand by it, it was grinded enough to be flushed. this happened 15 min ago. and now my butt burns but I feel like a king. peace!

Anonymous's picture

two feet?!?!?!? wwwooooaaahhh

Anonymous's picture

Ive just done one at work it doubled up on itself and blocked the kazi solid.I used the loo brush to smash it up and left a huge clinker on the bottom of the brush so I just put it back in the holder for someone else to find probably my boss, at least the turds gone.

Anonymous's picture

This site which I just found has given me many a chuckle. I decided to google, "Why are my son's feces so large?" prior to contact his pediatrician. He's 10 now but since he was 2 or 3, his turds have been scarily huge and have stopped up the toilet. I went outside and found a stick to chop it up. I'll get him back to drinking more water and consuming more fiber. Thanks for the insight!

Anonymous's picture

I hadnt took a shit in a week and when i finally went it was so big it wouldnt come out no matter how much i pushed it was so painful.....i was not gna sit there and push out that foot ball that was in there so i bought enema at walgreens it broke it up but it was still painful :( im definately gna stp using percocets 30mg cuz these are the results really bad constipation

Anonymous's picture

I am a bit underweight according to body mass index... so, yeah, I'm quite thin girl, and I primarily eat natural foods—a ton of fruits, yogurt, oatmeals, and beans... I am constantly stunned by the length and girth of my poos; they're H U G E... and very regular (generally 4-5 times per week). I have a low-power toilet and it's really humiliating and gross to have to chop my excrement into sections for it to flush down the toilet at all... and even then it takes 3 or 4 flushes. A few times my butthole has even bled after takin' a poo. It's astounding.

Anonymous's picture

man i took a poo just now and when i looked in the toilet i saw my turd in there and it was two feet long! O_O i kinda figured as much because i was constipated for a long time and i have been eating healthy, fruits, vegies, water, ect. so i have been dropping some pretty good logs but nothing quite like this one.

Anonymous's picture

THE RAIDERS WILL WIN THE SUPER BOWL.

Anonymous's picture

stick your hand in there and break it up.

Anonymous's picture

This is the best website ever to read when you are pooping! Haha :) thanks to everyone for the great stories :) :)

Anonymous's picture

OMFG just what I was looking for. I just took a massive shit. Like 3 inches in diameter, and always atleast 7 inches long. And believe me they are as stiff as a statue. They also smell. And I have to flush at least 5 times. Just dropped a deuce right now and clogged the toilet. Wont go away, and im 15 livin with my parents and sisters.... its fucken embarrassing. I need FIBER. GOD help me :,( its still there and they r gonna go in sooner or later. FUCK MY LIFE

Anonymous's picture

my dad once went on the john and it looked like a elephant shit in our bathroom. we had to drop in some acid in the toilet to dissolve the beast in the toilet cause it would not go down it eventually went down but it didnt go down without a fight. my craps are always thick and the fecal mmatter covers my ass any suggestions?

Anonymous Coward's picture

I crapped a log so big I didn't know whether to flush it or name it.

AnonymousOne's picture

LOL I live with someone who poops huge poops but the only problem they cause is embarrassment. Having IBS since jr high, I've been envious of folks who have "normal" poos (no waiting, no mess) and have learned more than I cared to about the workings of the human digestive tract. Truly, a "normal" poo is whatever is normal for the individual, although poos should never cause pain or bleed. Poos should also not have much smell, and the color/consistency is greatly effected by diet/emotional state (stress is notorious for smelly farts/poo). Exercise is also paramount to healthy pooing - yoga is excellent for massaging the gut and producing a nice BM. Uber-easy way to get more fiber: Fiber One Oat & Chocolate bars - be careful though, they're powerful! To the folks bashing the site for its content - you're the one who came here, so get lost. Knowledge is power. :P

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I think a plastic knife dedicated to the purpose of slicing turds could be used to cut them into flushable sizes. You don't even have to tell hubby what you're doing; just walk out afterwards, smile sweetly, and say, "All gone!" [Hide the knife.]

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

PPP, The solution to your problem is simple, if your poops are reasonably soft that means they are malleable. The real problem you have is with the size of your asshole so; take a very sour pickle into the bathroom with you and before you sit, stick the pickle up your ass. Now quick! while your o-ring is puckered pull out the pickle and immediately do your business. The smaller diameter of your hole should force the fecal material to extrude in a form that will not plug your commode. You might even be able to accomplish the same thing with your husbands lemon juice or vinegar drenched member.

Dr C. Thunderbutt, Poologist


_______
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

PoorPlungerPrincess's picture

Tonight was the 3rd night in a row that I had to unplug the toilet. My husband refuses to help me anymore. The poops are not hard; they are comfortably soft but BIG around. His idea is that I take a laxative and stool softener each morning and night. I'm starting to think we just need a better toilet and a chopping stick. He's also threatened to make me go poop in a plastic bag and throw it out - does anyone actually, really do that?

Anonymous Coward's picture

I shit enormous turds so painful that I bleed and have to pray and rock back and forth until a preliminary mega log fires out of my ass into the pipe clogging it, after this, a few dozen golf ball size pieces machine-gun out of my ass.

I have to use the largest pipe snake available because a plunger is no match for me.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear loaves, Glad you could stop by. Put on your slippers, fetch yourself a cool drink, and join in the fun. You might even want to register and share your wisdom with us.


_______
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

loavesof love's picture

So, this is where you end up when you google "why is my poop so big?". I'm so happy I stumbled onto this site. At first I was concerned about the shitasaurus I gave birth to. That was my reason for the internet search. Thanks to you guys though, I am no longer afraid. I will find my own turd chopper and I think this particular poop loaf is getting fished out with a plastic bag and thrown out into the trash can! I've laughed so hard today, tears were coming down. Thanks !!!

Butt of the Joke's picture
l 100+ points

Trust him,he's a doctor.
_______
More people flush than they do wash their hands.

More people flush than they do wash their hands.

Doctor Pooper's picture

Contrary to what you say whyismypoop, eating a high fiber diet causes larger bowel movements. For the bowels to work properly, a lifelong daily intake of 25-30 grams, or about one ounce of dietary fiber daily, is required. After the digestion of all proteins, fats and carbohydrates, and the absorption of water and other nutrients in the small intestine, the colon (the last five feet of the intestine) receives approximately one pint of liquid stool together with the undigested fiber.

Under normal circumstances, the colon gradually removes the remaining water, and forms a shaped stool, which moves toward the rectum as a result of gentle pressure waves. In people who eat too little of fiber-containing foods, the stool becomes hard, dry and small. Whereas the soft, bulky stool can move easily along the passage of the colon, the hard, dry stool sticks to the dry wall of the colon and requires that the colon develop high-pressure waves to be moved.

Ergo, if you eat lots of fiber you will have bigger poops but that is a "good" thing.

whyismypoop's picture

Wow, some people need more fiber in their diets. Poop should never be that damn big!

Why is my poop's picture

Wow, there are some serious issues here. How can poop get that big? Fiber and water is the best remedy. Good ol' oatmeal.

Anonymous Coward's picture

You guys have all called shit poop.

shitterella's picture

This comment is a reply to doodoo damsel. I feel your pain! I'm having the same problems being on methadone. My stomach started to get distended and my 110lb frame looked 5 months prego! I never had any poop probs before. I have been vegetarian for years, drink tons of water and tea all day, so I don't think its my diet because it has been the same since before I was prescribed pain meds. I am pretty sure that this medication causes constipation, then giant cloggers once they get loose enough to come out. I have to take daily senokot tablets and sometimes that is not enough. When they don't work I use magnesium citrate... it has the opposite effect though and gives you dia-rita but at least I don't have to walk around bloated and pregnant with a turd baby. I miss being able to shit normally; going between blasting out a space shittle rocket that clogs my poor toilet up to citromag induced turd chili is no way to live!

Speedpooper's picture
l 100+ points

Am I the only one who can poop without feeling 'the urge'? If, for the past several weeks, I didn't feel the need to poop for days at a time, and when I did feel the urge, the turd was too big to come out without damaging my butt, I'd just make sure to poop before I felt the urge to do so. It's easy, you just go sit on the toilet, push like you normally do, and some poop will come out. It's just less than there would be if you waited a week. I routinely poop when I have no urge to do so, only because I don't want to be bothered in the middle of a long trip, long movie, etc. I plan ahead. It works.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

AC: Your daughter is probably fine. She is growing, as 11-year-olds should. That means she eats a lot, so she poops big. If she has pain, bloody poop, or severe constipation, see the doctor. Otherwise, relax. Most adults had their biggest bm's as teenagers.

Anonymous Coward's picture

My dauter poops really big and she comes to me for anser (or how ever you spell it) and she is 11 and she poops bigger than me im scared is she ok?

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Fiber is not a cure-all; and yet, many people need more of it than they are getting. Increasing fiber is safe only if you increase water as well. Exercise is necessary also. The idea is to soften very hard poops and perhaps increase the frequency of bowel movements so as not to have to do so much at a single sitting. If these measures don't work, SEE THE DOCTOR. If you still have turds too big to flush, get an implement to break them up--and then don't use that implement for any other purpose. Normal pooping takes a little effort, but should be an enjoyable experience, or at least not a torture.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Its funny how everyone thinks fiber is the magic to loosen stool and make going to the bathroom easier. Truth is, if you take to much fiber it can also constipate you! what it does is goes through your body taking with it everything off the walls in your intestines however to much fiber can try to take everything at once which will make you constipated.

I am a nursing student. Use common sense and only take whats advised by your doctor or as recommended take 14g fiber per every 1000 calories you consume. Thats a nutrition fact folks-came straight out of the textbook! :D

doodoo damsel's picture

I"ve given birth to 2 full term babies, and that pain doesn't compare to the pain my asshole has gone through the past few days. I take narcotic pain meds for medical reasons, methadone currently, and recently consumed a lot of oatmeal.Unfortunatly, I guess I forgot to drink enough fluids.
I feel like I've been buttraped by poop. BIG, huge, turds,with lots of blood.
I'm sad to say, this isn't an unusual occurance. No matter what I eat, whether I take a laxitive, whatever I do, my poop rapes me. And my poop looks like the dude from the greenmile!!! huh huh greenmile that's a good one for this website!!
long story short, is my medication causing this, or do I need to change my diet??

britt's picture

I have tried the high fiber diet , i have tried laxatives and stool softeners and yet i still have huge painful poops...i mean huge..like as big as a small baby...and right now i am 5 and a half months pregnant with twins...please help! i dont know what else to do! i can only poop once a week (i dont even get the urge to go i have to force my self to go)

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Not pooping for 2 days is nothing to get upset about. Have you had a change of diet in the last two days, are you on any pain killing medications?

If your problem persists it would really be a good idea to talk to your parents who will probably seek medical attention for you.


_______
Dirty old men need love too!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous Coward's picture

hi umm im only 12 years old and my poop is killing me. i tried drinking tea but when i push i feel like my butthole is wripping.this is embarrassing but i put a pencil up my hole to try to take some out but nothing change i need help asap. i heard that if you can't poop it will build up inside and you could possibly die. this is the second day of my poop problem i haven't pooped in two days and i am getting scared what do i do??

Anonymous Coward's picture

I eat alot every day and I only poop once a week I this normal for a sixteen year old boy and it clogs every time I poop they are as big around as base balls and the size of a size 15 shoe is it because u eat alot or because I only go once a week

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Hello Patthe: Little pebbles mean you are constipated. At a guess, you need more water, more fiber, more exercise, and less junk food.

pattheraven's picture

What does it mean when i really have to go to the bathroom at times like where I am about to take a huge poop. Only little pebbles come out.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Dear SFP: This sounds like a necessity to visit your doctor to have that beasty removed. How recently did you 'acquire' this beasty, and why didn't you go to the doctor before it got so big?

Swine Flu Poo's picture

Hello, I've recently acquired a hemorrhoid the size of a fist on my rear and now when ever I take a dump it hurts. yesterday I took a big fat one that was really hard and felt like 50 grit sandpaper on my tuccus, so, is there any treatment for the big beasty on my behind or am I doomed of a life of painful poop?

Anonymous Coward's picture

I really dont get it, I mean I poop pretty normally

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Water (lots) and dietary fiber are the keys. If you get the monster out and it's too big to flush, use a knife dedicated for that purpose to cut up the turd into flushable bits.

In order to know that one's own poop is abnormally large, one must have seen other people's poop to compare it with. How do you decide that, if your poops are bigger than the other people's poop you have seen, it is yours that's abnormal? Maybe theirs is unusually small. If you never see other people's droppings, how can you tell about your own?

laid a fudge dragon's picture

i contemplate suicide everyday. my bum hurts too much. i want to end it. i need a way out. my chocolate bread loaves are too much to handle. someone please tell me how to get these FUDGE DRAGONS to stop! i hate toilet twinkies. why god? why?!

sphincter stretcher's picture

20 minutes ago,i left a large deposit in the bowl[aprox.3x18]of course it wouldn't go down.so i got to wondring if large poop was normal.so i got online,found this site,felt obligated to share.i got some good laughs this morning[i must be sick to think all shit is funny haha]i know its not funny when it stretchs my sphincter beyond its limits.all my life i have only pooped once or twice a week.but when the urge comes on,i need to find a toilet now!!!!for the most part quite large,some soft & slippery,[good turd]some hard & knarled[bad turd]with over 50% having crapper clogging quality.i have found just recently,that mozzarella cheese is the biggest culpert for the making hard sphincter busting turds.so i got to stay away from things like pizza,or i pay later.
so here's hoping everything come out ok.
yours truly S.S.

Anonymous Coward's picture

It feels like i just got sexually assaulted by my poop, it ripped my anus. :(

Pooper9999's picture

I just pooped two really thick hard turds with a hard bumpy surface.

They hurt really badly coming out. Afterward there was blood on the toilet paper and my ass stings. This never happened before.

Need more fiber heh.

Anonymous..'s picture

i take stool softeners to make feel comfty a bit i also poop big and i am 11 i think you should take some powder medication called mineralx <

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Just remember AC, when you have your lips pressed up against your cell phone, it's covered in shit molecules.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

AC, Why does what happen, that you were proud or that you took a picture of a turd?


_______
Dirty old men need love too!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous Coward's picture

2 days ago I laid a giant stronzo that was in the shape of a question mark. I was so proud , I took a photo. Why does this happen ????

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Boner, try a Vidalia Wizard or a Slap n Chop on those bad boys. I'm sure you have one or both of them rusting away in the back of a cupboard somewhere.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Boner ... I'm not a doctor but I honestly don't think your son's early bout with pyloric stenosis could have anything to do with his present log size. The pyloric valve is at the bottom of the stomach and can cause food to be regurgitated if it narrows to much, I once had a cat with this condition. There are several feet of intestines between the pyloric valve and the anus so my, purely unscientific, guess would be that the size of the colon could have more to do with huge logs than any prior surgery on the pyloric valve.

If I were you I would ask my doctor on my next visit and in the meantime I would keep some type of "turd chopping device" located close to the commode.


_______
Dirty old men need love too!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

boner's picture

Hello doc! my son is 11 ,he had pyloric stenosis at 6 weeks old and had to have it fixed now 11 years later his poop is SO BIG!! It has to be cut up to go down! These things are so big I don't see how he can push them out. He eats right, drinks a lot of water and has fiber everyday. These things can be as big as a foot long and bigger then the hole in the bowl !!! Does the pyloric stenosis have any thing to do with it?

BigGermanPooper's picture

Hello......... I have come to talk about my abnormally strange fiecies. My poop well it is rather large. And it hurts so bad when i push, i always have to eat activia yogurt right before i poop. my mom says its the chocolate that cloggs me up, but i do not believe her. any help? i need help. or i am going to the emergency room. PLEASE HELP ME I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN!!!!!!!!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

pulsing pain ... Do you include any fat in your diet? Olive oil is a heart healthy fat and helps soften up a log.


_______
Dirty old men need love too!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

pulsing pain's picture

I just passed another giant piece of poop...
I EAT A LOT OF FIBER. I eat a lot of vegetables. I drink a lot of liquids. What else can I do..???
What can I do to make it smaller or softer?
This one took about 5 minutes for me to get the courage to push, it was so painful, my anus was torn and finally my poop came out with blood on the sides...
help to make it better.. no more pain... thanks

Painkiller poop's picture

After being on pain killers I'm extemely constapated but I'm constantly feeling the urge to go but when I tried to go it was so hard and big I sucked it back in and now I just keep dealing with this urge every five min. What can I do to make it smaller or softer while in my but? It's like right there at the edge but I can bring myself to pass it cause it's painful and I only even got the tip out and it just gets thicker!

AHHHH's picture

Why are my turds either ridiculously hard or HUGE? I had another giant turd that wouldn't budge... in an INDUSTRIAL TOILET at work! Not the first time either, like 3rd time... I had to make a stick and move it so it would flush and not to torture the poor janitor...
I EAT ALOT OF FIBER. I eat alot of vegetables. I drink alot of liquids. sigh.

Poop-da-loop's picture

Lately I have been eating unhealthily and seem to produce some mighty logs. It would take a lumberjack to split these up and toilets kneel before me when they see me approaching. These hefty beasts have become a part of me. Maybe a foot in length they rarely slide out with ease. Just today my father had to reach into the toilet to split my poot. He resembled a Cherokee indian wrangling the days meal from the river. The excrement's are jumbled together like a double scoop of ice cream with different chunks protruding from the main cone. I don't know what to do and just want to be a normal part of society. I know everyones poop stinks, but is everyones poop capable of being a murder weapon in a class A felony? If anyone can help with my problem i would love to hear the scoop.
Peace and Love your fellow shater-
Poop-da-loop

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

riesty poop ... I was going to use my editing powers and correct your spelling but I had no idea what word you actually intended to use when you wrote "riesty". Please return and divulge the meaning of this mystery word.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

riesty poop's picture

my bum smells and i cant control pooping it just falls out of my bum somtimes it looks like my grandmas poop i post pictures on face book of my poop i hate pooping i started taking constapation pills they just fall out of my bum right when i swallow them its riesty what should i do

Anonymous Coward's picture

From a very young age I have dropped bog blocking turds. Eating a banana every day helps reduce the problem. I find the best way to get rid of them is to throw a bucket of water down the pan. Don't do this if the toilet bowl is full of water, wait till the water has seeped down to its normal level, then pour the bucket or bowl of water down the toilet in one go. It works for me....

Anonymous Coward's picture

My poop is to hard for a knife to cut it. The blender is the only one i have, so...i kinda have to use it to make smoothies for my guests. i always rinse it first though.its either the blender or a sledge hammer with a wedge.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Hello AC: You put a turd in a blender? I trust that instrument won't get used for food again. Why did you not simply wrap it up in a plastic zip-lock bag and put it out with the garbage? Or, better yet, break it up with a knife and flush the smaller pieces?

Anonymous Coward's picture

i pooped SO huge my butt hole ripped, my huge turd was so hard i thought i was having a tree!
it was so big i had to take it out of the toilet and put it in my magic blender! Now im prepared, the only thing i havent mastered is wiping my poop off my butt. its like trying to remove dryed concrete. now i keep my magic blender by the toilet in the bathroom (this only happens once a week).but i dont know when in the week it will happen, so i have it by the toilet. i also have a phone to call 911. Please try and remember, this is NOT a joke. You would NOT be laughing if you had to get 6 stitches across your butt hole. this is some serious %#$@!!!!!

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Dear nope: Not clear: Do you poop twice every day, or are you using the number 2 instead of the preposition "to" to make an infinitive? In either case, you have to poop every day because you are alive, and that is your habit: you eat, you poop ("today's feast yields tomorrow's feces"). Be thankful for it. If you have two movements a day ("2 poop"), it just means your metabolism pushes your bowel contents to the exit twice a day. No problem.

nope's picture

why do I have 2 poop every single day?!!!!

laid a fudge dragon's picture

im 79 and it just wont stop. please, give me some tips on what to do! these ass apples wont stop popping out!! its like im giving birth to black eels. i need to stop these toilet twinkies once and for all!

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

All of you AC's with questions: If your poop is too big for comfort or disposal, you can try (a) drinking more water--lots more; (b) eating more fiber--but increase it slowly so your system can get used to it; (c) exercise at least some every day, including rapid walking, digging, or the like; and (d) go to the toilet whenever you feel the need. Don't hold it until you can't stop it or until you are stopped up. This regimen should result in more poop sessions with less to pass at a time. If you still have real problems, see your doctor.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Ive been known to take large monster poops 1 to 2 times daily and I figured out my routine to get these large water snakes to go down easily. It's really simple. Right after you poop-FLUSH-then wipe-then flush.

If you feel that your poo will clog the toilet try the flush before the wipe. I know it sounds silly and simple but it will save you a headache of plunging

Father Anton Reamabuttski's picture

My son ... your anus is just too small, I think I can help. How old are you? Would you like to be an altar boy?

laid a fudge dragon's picture

OMG! aaaoooooga! that hurt like a bitch! I just left a loaf that was round as a chipotle burrito again! I don't know what to do! Someone help! I'm on this new medicine for my kidney problems and I think it's making my fecal matter worse! I think I need to phone a priest and have them pour holy water in the toilet cuz these things are devils!!! HELP!!!

Anonymous Coward's picture

Just a thought - your poop might be big because you have (or are) a big asshole.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Why do my hands ache when I poop???? I googled it and I can't find anything.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I usually got to the bathroom 5 times a week!!!! The turd are about as big as 14 inches tall and 5 inches in width. I am a girl and when i hear people talk they think im a wild man for this. Also occasionally its mali-colored and comes comes out as colored, smelly juice.Whats wrong

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

PooPimp ... Until the turd grinding toilet is invented you should just squat over the disposal unit in your kitchen sink, but don't let your balls dangle too low.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

PooPimp's picture

Hello- I too just took a monster poop. I have never met anyone with larger poops. I am talking 4 inch diameter. Bought a toilet that was supposed to be able to flush a 5 gal. bucket of golf balls... yea right. I need a toilet that can flush monster logs..... Thinking about investing in a poop cutter though I just had a great idea. I also have a cat genie auto toilet for the cats... it works by scooping then blending the poos into mush and flushing. There should be a way to design a toilet with some sort of disposal that chews up these monsters into finely ground poo sauce.... anyone interested in partaking in some R&D to get this new project underway??

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Dear AC: What's making you skinny is your metabolism, not your big poops. Yes, fiber should help make your poop softer and easier to pass; it may even give you more bowel movements per day. Don't overdo it: Start gradually, but definitely add some fiber each day until your movements become more comfortable. There's nothing particularly wrong with really big ones, as long as they come out easily; but smaller, more frequent b.m.'s may be easier to pass.

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

Wow, these are not turds, they are the brown watermelons !

Anonymous Coward2's picture

so would fiber help because my poop is also big and i mean huge i think thats whats making me so skinny

laid a fudge dragon's picture

please, for gods sake, someone help me! i have been taking huge loaves and it will not stop! i have been eating raisin bran everyday ever since my last comment. would this have anything to do with the devils coming out of my butt?

Anonymous Coward's picture

Hey all, I am constipated today. yesterday I went to the sushi buffet and got stuffed! but today I have struggled to release this demon inside of me. I noticed it has small clusters of poop and I am clogged, it hurts REALLY bad when I push and it will not come out.. I tried making a dieters tea with honey but really need to get this out of me.. what do I do?!?

Jedi Scum's picture

Dear nurse,

I take 3 large & soft poops a day. they are currently olive green in color because i'm taking 15 chlorella tablets a day(3X5... half an hour before each meal). This stuff is the bomb.

the poops i deliver in the morning are especially massive. 16-18 inches long and average girth. heavy like 3 pounds. after taking the dump i feel a bit high, which i usually am throughout the day, provided i am regular. if not i feel irritated and frustrated.

i go vegan on some days and eat fish and eggs on others. on the vegan days, the poops are superior.

i get stomach cramps in the morning when i wake up and feel the urge to go to the bathroom. cramps come before all poops but the morning ones r the biggest. they dont bother me.

laid a fudge dragon's picture

Holy crap, I just came from the toilet and took a loaf that was as round as a chipotle burrito and at least a foot to 2 feet long! i didnt have to push at all, it just came out. it felt like i was having a baby at first. when it hit the water it was a like a mini tsunami. blood was gushing out more than a red gusher fruit snack. i just turned 79 three weeks ago. does this mean im going to die? my nurse at the home is starting to complain of the toilet clogs. can ANYBODY help?

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Hello, AC: Your 2-year-old is having normal poops; just big because her system saves it up for output only once a day. Thank God for normal poops. As long as she doesn't feel pain upon delivery, I wouldn't have deep concern. Apparently she is eating well and pooping well; I'd leave well enough alone.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I have a 2 year old who poops bigger poop than most adults. Both round and long. Like BIG. Is there concern here? She eats a good healthy breakfast and lots of soy milk. She shows no concern of struggle or pain. I laugh thinking about how is this possible? I mean, she's so little herself, but yet produces this poop that is just huge! She goes onces a day too mostly! Anyhow, I'm just impressed how a 2 year old can clog a toilet.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Don't do that. The corn kernels are full of poop. Only the outside of the kernel comes through unchanged, because it's indigestible. What was on the inside of the kernel has been pushed out, digested, and replaced with--to put it bluntly--SHIT, which you don't want your roommate eating. However, the smell of the recycled turd-corn would give it away, I'm sure.

kingdom crapper's picture

I thought I was alone in the big poop industry. A few times a month I need to reach in with a plastic bag and pull out my master piece. The other day I was tempted to pick out the corn pieces, clean them, re-cook them, and of course since I am so thoughtful, offer my room mate some corn with her dinner.

king_poo2010's picture

Hi poo nurse its nice to say I'm not the only poo missle launcher I've been known to drop some big meat loafs my record is 16 inches and 4 inches around if I messured the gurth ill prolly cover my self in brisket greese this happens from time to time my girl thinks I'm a nasty poo dumper she just sprayed the bathroom cause I don't I apreachiate the smell why is she so crankey about that ......

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I find a turd with 5-6" girth hard to believe. Next time one of those comes out, measure its girth with a 4" sheet of toilet paper, and I'm sure you can give a more realistic measurement.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Modern Warfare 2 was pissing me off so I took a huge dump and then I wiped it on the disc because in my mind it is shit

ShitSuckingCOCK's picture

Yesterday I farted and crapped the biggest shit in my life. No joke, I hadn't pooped in like 2 weeks and now I let it rip and there in my pants I popped a massive one, it was so embarrassing. Anyone else done something like this before? I've never done such a big poop in my life.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Yes ... and I feel sure they would have appreciated your macho move of snapping the poo in half with your bare hands. Did you cook a tasty meal for them as a follow-up? Peanut butter and jelly sammies would have been a good choice.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Don't worry tom, I'm sure there are thousands of hot girls out there that want to be with a poop stud like you.

tom thumb's picture

I just did a giant poo. I was going to hold it in due to the fact I've just moved in with two girls and was hoping for a bit of alone time . One's Czech and really hot , the others Polish and also very hot.

So I went , I flushed as the poo left me so I had gravity and water aiding it on its journey. However this was not enough. upon glancing into the toilet bowl the giant poo beast stared back at me. Its girth was at least 5 inchs maybe 6....and the length was impressive its ugly head protruding out of the water 'd say 10 inches. 3 flushes later it still hadn't moved, things were getting tense two hot girls, I don't want them to see my giant poo, so I bit the bullet and snapped its poo back with my bare hands...then freedom. this happened ten minutes ago.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Dear TL: Of course we'll keep them coming; we can't stop them. By using all that bold type, though, you make it look like you're more interested in the turds themselves than in us who produce them. Since this is a poop humor site, and only humans have a sense of humor, it's better to cultivate an interest in people who--yes, indeed--poop, rather than just the [pant, pant] turds.

TurdLover's picture

Enjoy reading about the big long hard solid turds.
The Longer, Harder, More Solid they are the better I like 'em.

Keep Them Turds Coming!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear longdong, You might try chopping your turds up before you flush them, or just learn to snap your asshole rhythmically and chop your turds on the way out.

One two,
chop up the poo.
Three four,
none on the floor.
Five six,
an easy fix.
Seven eight,
isn't this great!
Nine ten,
start over again.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

longdong von hugenshlong's picture

My poop is soda can round and usually longer than a foot. Part of my anus or something bleeds a little sometimes when I poop, it takes about 15 to 30 minutes for me to poop too. I'm a male and poop on a daily basis. I have caused over a thousand dollars in collateral damage with the flooding... how do I fix this.

potty mouth's picture

It's nice to know I'm not alone in my massive turd producing abilities. Since being on pain meds for a back problem, I have been severely constipated about twice a month, and sometimes while trying to poop out the equivelent of a watermelon, I have to stand up and suck the turd back in to my butt. It just hurts TOO BAD coming out, and I fear it's going to turn my booty hole inside out! It's usually a 2 day process to get these monsters out, and I usually end up in the shower spraying hot water on them to loosen them up. (It's all I could think of) and it does seem to help. I use one of those hand shower thingys. (Like a faucet attached to a long hose) so that I can spray the hot water directly on the turd that is usually stuck half in and half out of my butt. OR SOMETIMES...(Since it hurts too bad to sit down & push it out) I have to stand OVER the toilet and let it drop in the bowl. It just hurts less if I'm standing up for some reason. But being that I'm female, I feel really foolish. Thank God no one has caught me doing this. I'd really have some splainin' to do. What can I do to loosen these monsters from my butt BEFORE they become massive?

Anonymous Coward's picture

lol...the comment about "wait till your toilet calms down" just cracked me up! I now have the mental picture of a very nervous toilet looking frantically up at the person trying to shove a huge turd down it's throat with a tooth brush. LOL

Shelz's picture

glad to see im not the only person who has a poop breaker stick lolz

poopoo2big's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

My situation is contipation with hard, boluses and it is fat to the point of getting stuck in my tush while I am great pain and strain and push until I see stars. They are toilet cloggers as well. A few women in my past didn't like this at all. Some times I use an Inviacare bedside toilet with side handles which I can grasp and bear down more to push.I wish I could someone who understands and may do the same thing..then we are on an even keel!

Hands

Post new comment

  • Allowed HTML tags: s:62:"<em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd> <br>";
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.

More information about formatting options

CAPTCHA
This question is for testing whether you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.
Image CAPTCHA
Enter the characters shown in the image.
To prevent automated spam submissions leave this field empty.