why is my poop so big?

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j 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Stonecold asks:

Why do I poop so big? It is long, hard, and fat. I have to cut it up everytime I poop.






Dear StoneCold,

Thanks for the question! I now have a visual stuck in my head that you would not believe!

It's the old story, Stone. Fiber. Fiber. Fiber. You need at least 5 servings a day of fruits and vegetables. And with all that fiber, you must drink at least eight 8oz glasses of water or juice per day. If you don't drink a lot of fluids, you may get bunged up even more. And beer doesn't count as "fluids".

This should soften you right up and get you some soft sliders.

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?












268 Comments on "why is my poop so big?"

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Those aren't poops, they are brown babies.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Anonymous Coward's picture

OMG! i just pooped out the fatttest poop ever!it was as big as my fist and it was round like 1 huge ball. i would say it was maybe 3-4 inches in diametre. seriously i have big hands and if i make a fist.. thats how big it was.. it was so hard too that wen i tried making it smaller cos it wont come out.. it was so hard it wouldnt break. i sat on the toilet for 1 hour trying 2 push the big balllll of poop out. i ended up getting it out by splashing some soapy water in my butt to get it nice and slippery. 5 minutes after splashing soapy water in there.. i got it out... YAY! so my advice 2 all the the ppl with thick hard poop. get a bucket of soapy water and just splash it alll over your hole and try get some of it inside 2 make it slipppery.

vikings's picture

i poop 3 footers!

Anonymous Coward's picture

I always have big long fat poop that clogs up everything and I poop once a week and sumtimes I eat a lot and feel stuffed like I wanna eat so I drink this green tea drink called chinese slim tea u boil it in warm water and drink about a cup or two the next day I guarantee u will poop out ur boo boo to the extreme u will feel so much better it really helped me so wenever I wanna poop but I kant I jes drink that I always feel like I jesz lost 5 pounds lol

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

If you just ate at Country Buffet, the answer is fairly clear !

Anonymous Coward's picture

Well sometimes they hurt, but anybody ever have to reach around and help PULL one out? Y-I-K-E-S

Anonymous Coward's picture

pull one out?? noooo it never gets that bad for me my poop alwaysz comes out even if i have to sit there and wait for like 30 minutes or more it jessz comes out slowly wow does it hurt wen u have to pull it out???

Anonymous Coward's picture

lol this is so freaking funny!!!

shockpoop's picture

I'm here because I just came from the bathroom and shocked myself. I have shitted some big poop before but not like this one. The poop is a bit of hard today, I pushed very hard a few time, but only the size of thumb came out, and it hurts. I tried a few time, the rest of the poop refuse to come out. I had suck the poop back into my ass,and ready to get up, but then I was thinking what if its gonna stuck there for days, and next time its gonna be like rockhard. So i kept on pushing and pushing. I know its gonna sound gross. Yes, I did use finger to help myslef down there. dont worry I used toliet paper. but that wont get the rest of poop out of my ass. cause i'm not gonna stick my hand in there and pull it out. I left no choice but to push with all my strength, screamed and sweat coming down and my face. It came out. It was the biggest shit i've ever seen. and when i wipe my ass, i did saw some blood on the paper, but not much. The feeling of "shitless" is great. I'll keep this in mind, and starts to eat fiber and go to gym more often. Oh shit, I forgot to wash my hand. see ya.

Poothagoras's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Congratulations, shockpoop!

Something to consider: You had better clean your keyboard too, I think.
_______
Every poop is not to be told to every body.

Every poop is not to be told to every body.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Shockpoop, it was good to push then, even though it hurt, to get that monster out; you are right, the longer it stays inside, the harder it gets, plus more poop continues to accumulate, making your next attempt even harder. But DO wash your hands! Essential!

Powersoak's picture

Did it ever occur to any who have such difficulty pooping that maybe some vaseline inserted into your anus might make the passage easier and less painful? Or maybe you might try eating chips fried in Olestra; it can pass undigested through the body and would make your colon, rectum and anus self lubricating. You would probably not want to push with your usual force lest the turd fly out with such speed it would do damage to the china fixture.

Craven Moorehead's picture

I keep a Samuari sword hanging on my shithouse wall, works great, also a shop vac nearby to suck up extra big hunks of dung. Eat lots of asparagus too, produces some hefty cedar logs.

a big pooper's picture

dude shit. ive been having really big, hard, long poops lately.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

a big pooper....Are you an English major enrolled in a creative writing course?


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Pooperific's picture

I have always been a hefty pooper. It became so much of a problem that when we remodeled the bathroom 10+/- years ago, we got a Kohler power flush toilet. More recently we moved, and my vanity dictated not putting the power flush toilet in the new house because it had the elongated bowl. As a result, the toilet still occasionally gets clogged. When Kohler makes the power flush in the normal bowl size, I will upgrade my toilet. It keeps the toilet cleaner, too! Just and FYI for others.

Please note: The toilet is not called power flush. Just ask the salesman about it though, and I'm sure they'll know what you are talking about. Absolutely invaluable piece of invention.

Spontaneous poops's picture

For the anon person who had to poop shortly after eating and having to be always near a bathroom. I'd suggest you get tested for gluten intolerance or celiac disease. Both of those can cause your symptoms.

Anonymous Coward's picture

my poops are soft and about 10 to 15 inches long. i have to cut them up each time with a bread knife.i dont want them to be hard but i want them to be short. Also sometimes when im normally walking around, a shit just comes out of my butt without warning. how can i stop this?

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Well, stop walking around, or walk around abnormally. Or install a motion detector inyour ass to give you some warning.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

I hate smelling rotting poop's picture

My little sister takes monster shots. She is 5'3 and under a hundred pounds. She is thirteen and the things that come out of her are ungodly. The best honest size comparison is to a chipotle burrito. They are massive and never can I recall them flushing. We have 5 toilets in our house and she has had 4 of the 5 clogged at one time. She usually is very sneaky about it. She will however drop her fat kids off at the pool and wait for them to drown or dissolve. Please help! Are there really "toilet swords?" if so. Where can I buy one for her? Are there ones she could fit in her baxkback and take to school? Pretty please help ! Thanks. :)

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear I hate smelling rotting poop.....The solution to your problem is simple, as soon as your sis pinches a loaf run in and smell it while it is still fresh. You can use many things as poop choppers, you don't have to buy something special. Most school districts take a dim view on swords in backpacks.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

poopcase's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

What is it about using a kitchen knife to vivisect a big fatty? (I guess this is why I am here at this site, laughing heartily, because...) my shared childhood memories include recountings of Grandma -AND I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP! Her nickname was "Grunt"! -Yep, Granny Grunt!...where was I?... this is much, much funnier thinking about it now...marching up to the clogged toilet with a butcher knife in hand.

God bless her little, stubby legs that couldn't catch me with that bar of soap for my potty-mouth. My brother, the purveyor of poopreport stories, recently acquired two ducks for pets (they shiite everywhere! but that is another story which I'm sure to find a related tale somewhere else in this fine site) He named them after our beloved, departed grandparents, 'Chuck' and 'Grunt'. I'm not sure whether this has to do with pooping and eating (popular with their namesakes) or their waddling and seemingly bitching to each other.

...yes, I agree, -on the whole, preparation H feels good...

small kid big turds's picture

ok i when i poop they are massive and i always clog the toilet. My dad says that its not normal to have huge turds. What can i do to make them smaller or at least softer and is it normal to have huge turds?

Turd Furgison's picture

I sympathize with Stonecold. My diet mostly consists of meat and I recently quit smoking.

My colon has become a cement mixer.

poopoo2big's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

My situation is contipation with hard, boluses and it is fat to the point of getting stuck in my tush while I am great pain and strain and push until I see stars. They are toilet cloggers as well. A few women in my past didn't like this at all. Some times I use an Inviacare bedside toilet with side handles which I can grasp and bear down more to push.I wish I could someone who understands and may do the same thing..then we are on an even keel!

Hands

Shelz's picture

glad to see im not the only person who has a poop breaker stick lolz

Anonymous Coward's picture

lol...the comment about "wait till your toilet calms down" just cracked me up! I now have the mental picture of a very nervous toilet looking frantically up at the person trying to shove a huge turd down it's throat with a tooth brush. LOL

potty mouth's picture

It's nice to know I'm not alone in my massive turd producing abilities. Since being on pain meds for a back problem, I have been severely constipated about twice a month, and sometimes while trying to poop out the equivelent of a watermelon, I have to stand up and suck the turd back in to my butt. It just hurts TOO BAD coming out, and I fear it's going to turn my booty hole inside out! It's usually a 2 day process to get these monsters out, and I usually end up in the shower spraying hot water on them to loosen them up. (It's all I could think of) and it does seem to help. I use one of those hand shower thingys. (Like a faucet attached to a long hose) so that I can spray the hot water directly on the turd that is usually stuck half in and half out of my butt. OR SOMETIMES...(Since it hurts too bad to sit down & push it out) I have to stand OVER the toilet and let it drop in the bowl. It just hurts less if I'm standing up for some reason. But being that I'm female, I feel really foolish. Thank God no one has caught me doing this. I'd really have some splainin' to do. What can I do to loosen these monsters from my butt BEFORE they become massive?

longdong von hugenshlong's picture

My poop is soda can round and usually longer than a foot. Part of my anus or something bleeds a little sometimes when I poop, it takes about 15 to 30 minutes for me to poop too. I'm a male and poop on a daily basis. I have caused over a thousand dollars in collateral damage with the flooding... how do I fix this.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear longdong, You might try chopping your turds up before you flush them, or just learn to snap your asshole rhythmically and chop your turds on the way out.

One two,
chop up the poo.
Three four,
none on the floor.
Five six,
an easy fix.
Seven eight,
isn't this great!
Nine ten,
start over again.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

TurdLover's picture

Enjoy reading about the big long hard solid turds.
The Longer, Harder, More Solid they are the better I like 'em.

Keep Them Turds Coming!

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Dear TL: Of course we'll keep them coming; we can't stop them. By using all that bold type, though, you make it look like you're more interested in the turds themselves than in us who produce them. Since this is a poop humor site, and only humans have a sense of humor, it's better to cultivate an interest in people who--yes, indeed--poop, rather than just the [pant, pant] turds.

tom thumb's picture

I just did a giant poo. I was going to hold it in due to the fact I've just moved in with two girls and was hoping for a bit of alone time . One's Czech and really hot , the others Polish and also very hot.

So I went , I flushed as the poo left me so I had gravity and water aiding it on its journey. However this was not enough. upon glancing into the toilet bowl the giant poo beast stared back at me. Its girth was at least 5 inchs maybe 6....and the length was impressive its ugly head protruding out of the water 'd say 10 inches. 3 flushes later it still hadn't moved, things were getting tense two hot girls, I don't want them to see my giant poo, so I bit the bullet and snapped its poo back with my bare hands...then freedom. this happened ten minutes ago.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Don't worry tom, I'm sure there are thousands of hot girls out there that want to be with a poop stud like you.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Yes ... and I feel sure they would have appreciated your macho move of snapping the poo in half with your bare hands. Did you cook a tasty meal for them as a follow-up? Peanut butter and jelly sammies would have been a good choice.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

ShitSuckingCOCK's picture

Yesterday I farted and crapped the biggest shit in my life. No joke, I hadn't pooped in like 2 weeks and now I let it rip and there in my pants I popped a massive one, it was so embarrassing. Anyone else done something like this before? I've never done such a big poop in my life.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Modern Warfare 2 was pissing me off so I took a huge dump and then I wiped it on the disc because in my mind it is shit

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I find a turd with 5-6" girth hard to believe. Next time one of those comes out, measure its girth with a 4" sheet of toilet paper, and I'm sure you can give a more realistic measurement.

king_poo2010's picture

Hi poo nurse its nice to say I'm not the only poo missle launcher I've been known to drop some big meat loafs my record is 16 inches and 4 inches around if I messured the gurth ill prolly cover my self in brisket greese this happens from time to time my girl thinks I'm a nasty poo dumper she just sprayed the bathroom cause I don't I apreachiate the smell why is she so crankey about that ......

kingdom crapper's picture

I thought I was alone in the big poop industry. A few times a month I need to reach in with a plastic bag and pull out my master piece. The other day I was tempted to pick out the corn pieces, clean them, re-cook them, and of course since I am so thoughtful, offer my room mate some corn with her dinner.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Don't do that. The corn kernels are full of poop. Only the outside of the kernel comes through unchanged, because it's indigestible. What was on the inside of the kernel has been pushed out, digested, and replaced with--to put it bluntly--SHIT, which you don't want your roommate eating. However, the smell of the recycled turd-corn would give it away, I'm sure.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I have a 2 year old who poops bigger poop than most adults. Both round and long. Like BIG. Is there concern here? She eats a good healthy breakfast and lots of soy milk. She shows no concern of struggle or pain. I laugh thinking about how is this possible? I mean, she's so little herself, but yet produces this poop that is just huge! She goes onces a day too mostly! Anyhow, I'm just impressed how a 2 year old can clog a toilet.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Hello, AC: Your 2-year-old is having normal poops; just big because her system saves it up for output only once a day. Thank God for normal poops. As long as she doesn't feel pain upon delivery, I wouldn't have deep concern. Apparently she is eating well and pooping well; I'd leave well enough alone.

laid a fudge dragon's picture

Holy crap, I just came from the toilet and took a loaf that was as round as a chipotle burrito and at least a foot to 2 feet long! i didnt have to push at all, it just came out. it felt like i was having a baby at first. when it hit the water it was a like a mini tsunami. blood was gushing out more than a red gusher fruit snack. i just turned 79 three weeks ago. does this mean im going to die? my nurse at the home is starting to complain of the toilet clogs. can ANYBODY help?

Jedi Scum's picture

Dear nurse,

I take 3 large & soft poops a day. they are currently olive green in color because i'm taking 15 chlorella tablets a day(3X5... half an hour before each meal). This stuff is the bomb.

the poops i deliver in the morning are especially massive. 16-18 inches long and average girth. heavy like 3 pounds. after taking the dump i feel a bit high, which i usually am throughout the day, provided i am regular. if not i feel irritated and frustrated.

i go vegan on some days and eat fish and eggs on others. on the vegan days, the poops are superior.

i get stomach cramps in the morning when i wake up and feel the urge to go to the bathroom. cramps come before all poops but the morning ones r the biggest. they dont bother me.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Hey all, I am constipated today. yesterday I went to the sushi buffet and got stuffed! but today I have struggled to release this demon inside of me. I noticed it has small clusters of poop and I am clogged, it hurts REALLY bad when I push and it will not come out.. I tried making a dieters tea with honey but really need to get this out of me.. what do I do?!?

laid a fudge dragon's picture

please, for gods sake, someone help me! i have been taking huge loaves and it will not stop! i have been eating raisin bran everyday ever since my last comment. would this have anything to do with the devils coming out of my butt?

Anonymous Coward2's picture

so would fiber help because my poop is also big and i mean huge i think thats whats making me so skinny

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

Wow, these are not turds, they are the brown watermelons !

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Dear AC: What's making you skinny is your metabolism, not your big poops. Yes, fiber should help make your poop softer and easier to pass; it may even give you more bowel movements per day. Don't overdo it: Start gradually, but definitely add some fiber each day until your movements become more comfortable. There's nothing particularly wrong with really big ones, as long as they come out easily; but smaller, more frequent b.m.'s may be easier to pass.

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