the PSI of farts

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j 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Stefan asks:

How many PSI of pressure can one's sphincter restrain? I'm sure everyone can attest to pretty powerful farts... but I've never run across any actual figures.





Dear Stefan,

Thanks for asking, but I am not a terribly gifted person when it comes down to things scientific.

Perhaps you could somehow hook your anus up that thing that measures your tire pressure? Do you know what I mean? That thing that looks like a silver pen that has the end with numbers that comes popping out of it when applied to the do-hickey that sticks out of the tire?

Surely there must be some scientific way to measure your fart PSI, but I will have to defer this one to greater minds. There are such minds here on PoopReport.

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?












48 Comments on "the PSI of farts"

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I've always wondered this, too.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

massgasser's picture
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There is not enough back pressure in your colon to messure it with a tire gauge. the question really is SPI (smells per inch) thats a question

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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For a real good time, stick a bicycle pump up your ass and blow up your stomach. Then squeeze and a long, loud fart blows out.
NOTE: I do not recommend this and have NEVER tried it myself. It's just gross, dude!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Slim Jim Junkie's picture
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I suppose if you had a hose full of Mercury, and you stuck your ass on one end of the hose, and measured how far the mercury rose, you would have a measurement in Inches of Mercury.
Somewhere on a website about math, there is a formula to convert inches of mercury (IN/Hg) to PSI.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Hey, girls! Don't you hate it when you fart and the fart bubble moves through your front butt cheeks? It drives me crazy, especially when I'm in public and can't just randomly laugh from the tickle without looking like a nut job.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

hopeless virgin's picture
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Do boys have front butt cracks too?

musculus sphincter ani externus's picture
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Stephan: To measure the pressure of fart gas you could rig a simple water manometer to a rubber hose and insert it into your asshole when you feel a fart coming on. The pressure of the fart is equal to the number of millimeters the column of water in the manometer is displaced. One could also rig a spirometer to a tube and fart through that. I wouldn't recommend using Slim Jim Junkie's mercury method because you could risk sucking mercury up your ass, and we all know how toxic that is. Good luck.

fartleader's picture
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I WANNA LEARN HOW 2 FART!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I've been having this problem recently as I've started going commando in a skirt. Everytime I have a huge fart it slaps across my cheeks and hurts. Especially the ones that crack up my pussy lips. I think I will try measuring the PSI of these things. Then again, that will look pretty strange when I stick a gauge down there.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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why light a match after taking a poo ? i don't understand .

wtfiwmycrack's picture
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the smokey sulfur smell covers up your shit stink. Is this really such a complicated thing? The world is doomed.

Bunghole In the Jungle's picture
l 100+ points
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Wouldn't an individual want to use a meter that measures speed and pressure. I wonder if an instrument that measures velocity might not be more accurage.

keeping the whack in tally-ho...
Fartuituos!
Serenshittipy!

Poop Shooter's picture
k 500+ points
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I would think velocity would directly correlate to the actual psi. I do think if you took a basic vacuume guage and inserted the hose just a bit into your butt, and then released the wind, it should give you a relatively accurate reading.

Through mathmetical equations, I'm sure you could calculate the speed as well. This would be a great problem for the dude on NUMBERS.

Might be able to come up with FPI (farts per inch). Then there always the Stinkometer to measure how stinky it is, and the degree of waift ability etc etc.


_______
Regional POWER POOPING CHAMPION 1988-2006
Poop Shooter!

Poop Shooter!

Bunghole In the Jungle's picture
l 100+ points
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It's a volume, speed, pressure equation that you'd have to measure; therefore, Mr. Bunghole tells me no.... Perhaps a Butthole Doplar which would include dewpoint as well. For the stink factor, probably an olfactometer incorporated. There would be the TRUE measurement of the fart.

keeping the whack in tally-ho...
Fartuituos!
Serenshittipy!

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points
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What about those doohickeys that asthmatics blow into? Can those be used to measure the PSI of a fart?

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points
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This thread resembles my sex life. A lot of talk about how to do it, but nothing ever gets done.

Bunghole In the Jungle's picture
l 100+ points
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Dumpster, your comment reminds me of the IBM Manager joke when he's in the boudoir with his wife.... Guess you blue boys have something in common.

keeping the whack in tally-ho...
Fartuituos!
Serenshittipy!

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points
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One would appreciate being made privy to the joke, Bunghole.

Bunghole In the Jungle's picture
l 100+ points
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Is someone a little testy today? I just didn't tell the joke, because it's a classic oldie and figured you'd already heard it. Here goes:

Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands’ performance as lovers. The first woman says, “My husband works as a marriage counselor. He always buys be flowers and candy before we make love.” The second woman says, “My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough.” The third woman says, “My husband is a manager at IBM. He sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it’s going to be when I get it.”

keeping the whack in tally-ho...
Fartuituos!
Serenshittipy!

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points
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HAHAHA!!!! No, believe it or not, that is one joke I hadn't heard before!

But it reminds me of another one: This lady goes to the doctor for a physical exam. "I'm getting married for the fourth time tomorrow," she says, "and I want to make sure everything's all right."

The doc examines her, and says, "madam, you are in extremely good health, but I'm curious about one thing: You said you have been married three times already, yet I find you are still a virgin. How can this be?"

"Well," she says, "the first time, I was married to a gynecologist, and all he wanted to do was look at it.

"The second time, I was married to a psychiatrist, and all he wanted to do was talk about it.

"The third time, I was married to a contractor, and he just kept saying, 'two weeks! Two weeks!'

"But THIS time," she concluded, "I'm marrying a lawyer, so I KNOW I'll get screwed!"

Nine Inch Log's picture
k 500+ points
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haha, this is worth commenting on just so people will see these jokes.

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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After drinking loads of ale i sometimes sqirt pure water, well not pure but clear with small traces of tabac that float. the amont of gas fired out is more than consumed and when i get up the water has gone round the u bend. thats some psi.

Coprolite's picture
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[Flounder's voice, of Animal House]: Hiya Guys... just stumbled into this site while surfing while, what else? pooping. Really cool! Unrestrained poopie-tawk -- I must be in heaven.

Ringo Fire's picture
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I think I love you, Shit Volcano!

MikeMac's picture
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Interesting... how many psi is a fart..?

I'm guessing it somewhere around 10 - 15 bar like an espresso maker..which is approx 150 - 210 psi.. Although on a good day you could probably manage 250 psi. At that rate you would have blown it out your ass at such a rate, I venture to say that a sonic boom may result and shatter all the windows in your apartment, and the porcelain pot, if you happen to be sitting on one at the time may prove to be much like an aircraft ejector seat.... whew ... what a mess... and a stink!

RoboCrap13's picture
l 100+ points
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Dumpster, I heard the joke included a gourmet! ;)


_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points
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Wow thought provoking aint it? My farts are loud and can gag a maggot BUT PSI hmmmmmm Im gonna have to think about this one...............I would say not very powerful I mean not even enuff to shake a table lamp.
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

RoboCrap13's picture
l 100+ points
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TC63, There's volume, pressure, and stench.
I'd rather have the stench if I had a choice, hence my signature...

_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Funny TSV should mention going commando...I am always in that state, and when I get a butt blast with some force behind it, invariably my nuts get slammed into my stomach, then on the return arc, get completely wedged in my butt cheeks. Maybe the Thong Boys were right....oh Bunga....got an extra one?

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

MikeMac's picture
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Check out this movie: http://www.metacafe.com/watch/271044/fire_fart/

This is truly the most enviable example I have ever witnessed of the power of a fart... In an amazing display, this guy, in the most spectacular fashion, lights a candle with one mother of of a fart... you wont be disapointed!

Gaseous Glay's picture
l 100+ points
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I think the answer is between 2 and 3 psi tops. Gastro docs treating patients for fecal incontinence (poor souls) use a technique called anorectal manometry to measure. A 1 psi differential would lift a column of water in a manometer 27 inches.

MassiveLoad's picture
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Woman do fart.... BIG..

My ex wife could fart longer, louder and smellier that I could ever achieve..! That's not the reason we got divorced....

phatmanxxl's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
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A fun post would be mesuring our FPM (farts per minute) on a gassy day. I'm sure I could crack 5 or 6 nice FPM on a good day after a cheese dijornos pizza. As for FPSI, that thing you blow into to measure your lung strength where the ball goes up the tube should do the trick. (I don't know what its called)

Senor Popa's picture
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I think a better question here is can you blow a "gasket" holding back a fart?

airinflateman's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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After playing the trombone a few years, I developed strong lips and lungs and would use them blow a girl up like a balloon, while in a 69 position. I could measure the fart pressure with my tongue when I squeezed her and my tongue would fly out of her anus.

assbelch's picture
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I just got married. Is it normal for your wife to save farts in 20 ounce coca cola bottles? They are starting to stack up, but she will NOT tell me what the hec they are for. Can someone help?

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I suspect your frugal bride is saving the gas to burn during the next cold spell, or perhaps to fuel the oven for that batch of cookies she's baking for you.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

assbelch's picture
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Hmmm, I didn't think about that. I just went and checked and I found a few "empties" under the bed. Maybe she is huffing them.

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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I would suggest, assbelch, that you take your wife out to dinner tonight instead of letting her cook steaks on your gas grill.
_______
My special need's student crapped in your honor roll student's backpack.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Dildo Baggins's picture
l 100+ points
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I know of no way to measure the PSI of a fart, but I have measured the methane content. While in college I worked a summer in construction as an explosive gas tester at a chemical plant. As cement and dump trucks entered the site, I had to walk them in with a "sniffer pump" that sampled the air for explosive gases that the combustion engines may ignite. Midway through the summer my boss got a new, automated gas detector from a mine safety company. It was much easier to use and way more accurate. Only problem was it had to be calibrated at the start of the day and after each break. This calibration was simple in that a whiff of a known gas was introduced into the tester and if the expected number came, good to go. One particularly shitty day, everybody was having a bad day. The Wops couldn't find their shovels, the Portagooze couldn't find their cement trowels, the Polacks couldn't find their dicks, and my boss couldn't find the vial of test gas. I had 3 cement trucks waiting for me so I was getting pissed. After about 15 minutes of fucking around, I said "Give me the godamn thing." I held the tester behind me and loosed an enormous fart that cleared out everyone around me.Over my laughing, I heard an ominous buzzing noise so I looked at the tester. I'll be darned if the tester didn't read my fart gas. Therefore I can say with all the authority that my summer job had, that a human fart contains 365 parts per million methane. This analysis (huh, huh, I said "anal"), is accurate and backed up by OSHA and the Mine Safety and Health_Administration.______
Here I sit, my cheeks a flexin' , trying to give birth to another Texan!!

Look out for Number 1, but don't step in Number2

Dr. Butt Sniffer's picture
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I hooked up one of those vaccuum packers things to my cat flap last week, and boy, I still ain't right.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I saw this in the "approval queue"...not sure what it means, but its funny as hell!!!
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Flatus Magnus's picture
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We can confirm that Explosive Gas Meters will detect Farts. Ours (a Nighthawk Combo Gas/Co Detector) has done so twice this year at 215 and 219 ppm and we have not had any gas appliances burning - but a big ass fart had just been done 10 seconds before in a 12 foot by 12 foot bedroom that the thing was in. I rechecked it and farting right on it can make it jump to at least 290.

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points
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As I recall, the mass of gas is porportional to the heat of the ass.

Ass Tramp's picture
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The perfect gauge for farts is an anemometer. It won't tell you the PSI but it will tell you the volume, the velocity, and the temperature of farts. Also being a scientist, I believe fart pressure is relative to sphincter pressure. So if you could squeeze your butt cheeks on like a fishing scale, what ever the poundage you get would be just slightly less than the fart pressure.

bender12's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Farts come out @ a maximum 7 MPH, so if you do the meth with that, you will find out. Also, you can do what Poonurse said and hook up a tire pressure gauge to your butt.

airinflateman's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I don't know how much pressure I had, but once at a skinny dipping pool party, my girlfriend inflated me with an air hose for blowing up air mattresses and I swelled up like a beach ball. Had pictures and video to prove it. That's how I got the name "airinflateman"

Anonymous's picture
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Very good guess. As they say, one experiment is worth 1000 opinions. I did the experiment (using a very sensitive, very expensive digital pressure sensor, tire pressure gauges won't work). I got 2.3 and 2.6 PSI