I think this case calls for the RONCO Inside The Egg Scrambler. Just stick that sucker in to your poop chute, and turn it on. It will whip that turd in to a frothy cream that just slides out of your poop chute.
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan
Join The Poop Reporter's Lounge

Youj can also use a laxative but, don't mak qa habit of laxatives, as your body can become dependant on them. I would listen to ML, and try more water, roughage, and suppositories. I would see a doctor about the rectal bleeding. You might have hemmorhoids.
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Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

Sam, I believe you could actually market that. "Make your own frothy ass treats at home just like a professional, but at a fraction of the cost!"

More fruit, more fiber, more H2O and maybe a jog around the block and you'll be blowing your colon in no time. Trust me. I know.

He never mentioned his diet. I, too, wonder what's on the menu. Probably alot of processed foods, or the guy doesn't drink enough water.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I've been eating the same as usual, and I haven't pooped in 3 days. I'm about ready to sit and strain (yes i know its wrong to) until i get something.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

I cannot tell you guys enough to get some Fleet Glycerine Suppositories. Not only are they fairly cheap, they work wonders. They saved my daughter when she was younger and was so constipated. Give them a try before you end up looking like one of those stress dollheads with the eyes all bugged out and stuff.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

If we change "Michael" to "Dave", we can enter this in the How-Dave-Dies contest.

dungdaddy you're my hero.
i really don't understand how people can go so long without pooping! don't you start to worry???

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poop poop eee doop!

Sorry to offend anyone who doesn't necessarily want to hear about this, but this is a place to talk about personal experiences, so I'm just sharing mine.

My rather odd pooping time is right before I go to bed, in my bedroom toilet. I take my pants off and drop my boxers to relaxingly wait for nature to take its course, which can last for a while before my bowels start moving. I was sitting there flipping through Reader's Digest, when this painful knob poked its head out of my ass. I decided to push, already knowing that it was never a good idea. I cringed in pain, and it felt like I trying to pass a fucking SLEDGEHAMMER. After a minute of pushing, the blockage cleared and the dump gradually made further progress to the bottom of the bowl. Just what Michael W was talking about in the original post, the dump was almost out of my ass when it hit another buttplug. The straining had made the inside of my rectum sore, so I gave the fuck up and rested my head on my knees to wait for the rest to fall out. Two squeaky farts escaped around the poo hanging there, but that obviously didn't help. I gave one final push, and the poop slowly kept coming, and finally hit the water. When I looked in the bowl, I didn't know how the hell I was ever going to flush it. But I was lucky in that aspect, and it barely flushed itself away before skidding the hell out of the bottom of that bowl. I wiped and went to bed exhausted, but cleansed.

I'm sure we've all had constipation problems in the past, but mine wasn't half as bad as some of the horror stories I've read on poopreport. Anyway, I sympathesize with all of you that have this problem. As someone suggested, fiber, water, and fruit are good ways to avoid this type of problem. And being a shameful shitter, I can't always empty my bowels whenever I have the urge, so naturally I run into some problems. But I just hope that Michael W never has to go through anything like that again. Sounded far scarier than any horror movie! Anyway, good luck to you all.

fred kruga!

you are not going to die from pushing your poop out.. oh my gosh. you'll be fine..you'll get lightheaded but thats it..

drink smooth move tea if you're feeling backed up.

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all aboard the farty train to pooterville..if you can't shit at my house, we aren't friends

As we get older our digestion slows and we become more susceptible to the harms of refined & processed foods, not drinking enought liquids, improper food combining and so on. Yep...only temporarily should you use any stimulants to help you move your bowels. A stimulant or stool softeners are short term. THEN...you better learn as much as you can about diet!! Its NOT JUST about 'drinking more water, increasing fiber, eating more fruits & excercise' like so many are saying. Its what you dont do that counts also. Constipation can be many things including some serious conditions. BUT...in general and for most people proper food combining is a key. Stop mixing Protein (from meat) with Carbs..that is the SAD!!! Standard American Diet and that is why there are so many health problems. Dont take my word for it. Do a google search and look about 100's of articles about "Food Combining". I finally did this along with more water, fiber, excercise, fruits/vegetables etc. My constipation is gone after 20 years listening to the experts giving half assed/pooped answers. Honestly, not learning the aspects of what causes constipation will literraly poop you out...or should we say in. Good luck all.

Michael, I think the obvious is being overlooked here. As long as you are going to ram your finger up your ass, why not slather some vaseline on it first. Those turds just need some lube.

What a site and no better to explain my problmem.

I get back logged and can't poo not even if i push

I have done as many others have, and tried to work it out with my finger but when i did I found found a type of cavity area in between where my poop comes from and my butt hole and there is usually left over poo staying in there and not emptying.

So what i think is happening is, im having a poo but the exit end for my poo is to far up and away from actual ass hole and i can't push with out the poo expanding into this area so it doesnt actually come out and stays and compacts and i usually have poo protrouding when i wipe.

I can not physically push poo out I havent been able to for a year or more, the only way to get the poo out of the pocket is with finger or to push from the front area of my butt hole i can feel the poo filing up the cavity.

i do however have a straight through poo if very loose but still there must be remians left in teh cavity

like others i have blood on my finger but Ive never worried about it as its not continues or even in my poo ( when its out!)

OH HEAVENS! OMG no don't strain when going poopie....jeezzz if its that hard and that much work2get this sucker outta ya try later and if that isn't an option well ya better get ur buttooty too a Dr and find out whats up w/your colon....I hope you'll have great success in ur future bowel movements! ;)